More or Less: Same as it Ever Was
by Strange Bint
Summary: This is Season 2 of my Forget Me Not Series My Faith, Spike, Connor Centered Spinoff. Love, War, Redemption, Bizarre love triangles, Betrayal, Vengeance, a prophecy, plotting demons and governments. The usual: This ep Faith reviews her latest & Spike comes back w/ a surprise.
1. Default Chapter

Hi!

This is a massive fic. So, you can just read this basic summary I've made **before chapter 1.**

**If you like Faith and-or Spike and have wanted them to be the center of the story with an ensemble (really almost everybody) cast you will like this fic.**

**The fic is Post "Chosen" BTVS and Alternative ATS Season 5.**

I hope you can like the fic even if you aren't so into Spike/Faith (most aren't.) It also helps if you like sexy romance, humor with angst, action, friendship and complex feelings and "the price of magic." All things Slayerverse only maybe a little better with hopeful relationships, maybe(?)

Here's a sample to see if you like it. **It's in novel format. Just this sample is in script format**:

_Faith: "You think I'm the fucking stupid one! If I belong anywhere it's here with you. I'm just like you. I fuck up. I hurt people; I kill people because I can't see what else I can do. But, no matter how much I fuck up I'll do anything to get it back to good again. You're sayin' you'll hurt me? I just nailed you in the balls for something you did before I was born. I know it's just magic-in-your-head land, but you probably won't be able to have kids after that. Maybe we'll hurt each other all the time, but I don't care as long as we come through in the end."_

_Spike: "Doesn't hurt much," he sniffed and adjusted his balls, frowned, and then gave her a little smile, "Besides vampires can't have rug-rats anyway. Thank god for small favors. Imagine the father I'd make? Well, I wouldn't bullocks it as bad as Angel. How's Connor anyway? I bet he's beside himself that you're doing such dangerous magic."_

_"Connor is cool," Faith said, "He knows I gotta do what I gotta do."_

_"Yeah, 'cause you really must risk yourself for pathetic weepy creatures like me," Spike scowled, "You made it very clear that you don't want me in the real world and now you've come inside me and seen all the worst I have to offer. So, you really must have me out there with you."_

_"Yeah, u-huh," Faith said, "So are you coming with me willingly or do I drag you out?"_

- Chapter 29

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to do a quick recap. I decided to do it by telling you all the bad (and some of the good) things that have happened to our lovely Ms. Faith Lehane over these few years. The fic isn't all from her POV at all but this recap is.

There are some things Faith doesn't know, like what is going on with Buffy. So, here's a quote from Buffy:

"_Look," Buffy said, "I've had my head messed with more than you can imagine, and I'm talking this month alone. Really, some inter-dimensional ethereal angel thing tried to mystically take apart my head to destroy my soul. She killed my amazing and actually sweet boyfriend while I was making love to him and then imprisoned me in the darkness of my own mind. I only made it out because I have friends, scary powerful friends, who know my darkness. So, you aren't going to make a dent in head-messing-department and trying to kill me won't work either. Did I mention I died after that thing messed with my head? But, dying never works out for me; I'm better at the killing. "- Chapter 49_

Poor Buffy!

Buffy chapters: 14,20, 34, 43-present

**Here's the Review of All The Bad Things That Have Happened to Faith**

**(You can always come back here for a refresher)**

Bad things for Faith, Season One:

*Having Buffy jump dimensions out of this world so The First won't rise again.

*Having to retract The Slayer spell so Faith is the only Chosen One for real.

***Having a demon thing rise out of Faith that kills all of her enemies in an uncontrollable rage that leaves her weak afterwards.**

*Having a rich spoiled brat lesbian Latina for a roommate/friend and listening to her bitch constantly. (Well, maybe she doesn't suck all the time.)

*Having to rely on Spike to heal her with this weird E.T. glowey power he has when he touches her after the demon comes out.

*Having a normally peaceful demon clan try to kill her and Spike because of some stupid demon prophecy.

*Having Wes, Angel and Robin start to believe that the prophecy may be about Spike's glowey E.T. healing thing and that it is bad for Faith when she knows it is not.

*Two attempted assaults, the first by three soldiers that were after Connor.

*Having to bring the demon thing out to stop Connor from suicide-by-many-demons because Connor blamed the almost-assault on himself.

*Having the boyfriend, the good guy she needs to keep her honest, (Robin Wood) hate Spike and Connor for no good reason.

*Finding out the good reason why Robin hates Spike that he and Spike were hiding. (Spike killed Robin's Slayer mom when he was evil in 1977.)

***Realizing that Spike's healing power was him burning her soul into her to heal her, and that would kill him, and not being able to tell anyone because she knew that Spike wanted to die for her and she feared they would just let him die.**

*Having to kind of lie to everyone and say she does believe Spike's healing is making her evil somehow. (To be fair it is kind of true because if she lets the idiot die for her isn't she still evil and selfish?)

*Realizing that without his healing she will die, but of course she isn't going to let the jack ass die for her!

*Giving up her Slayer power in order to remove the demon by having Robin Wood's adoptive grandfather, Alistair Crowley (played by Malcolm MacDowell,) do a brutal spell on her where she has to relieve her painful memories.

*Having that spell not work because she couldn't help but fight it and now she still has a piece of demon in her with no Slayer power and she's still dying.

*Having Spike insist on dying for her and having to run away with Angel so Spike doesn't get her and hope, somehow, she doesn't end up dying.

*Having to keep all of this secret from everyone. At least Spike doesn't tell anyone what's really going on either and they just think he's nuts and obsessed with getting his healing hands on her.

*Robin Wood dumping her was at her weakest because he realized she was never going to give up The Mission even if she had no power.

*Ending up telling Spike how her mother died and how she feels responsible.

*Spike finding her when she ran away with Angel and insisting he dies for her. He tells her he loves her. It takes her awhile to realize he's saying he was saying he is IN LOVE with her. Would he really stoop so low to win?

***Jumping off that cliff so he wouldn't win. Faith wouldn't let Spike die for her!**

***Him catching her on the cliff and having to push the rest of the demon out of her so he wouldn't be able to burn for her.**

***Having them both live and Spike insisting he really was in love with her and that he wasn't just saying it to be an asshole and win the fight (Okay maybe that is in the non-suck category.)**

But, the suck-fest continues…Next "Chapter" is Season 2 Recap.

**_This isn't my best "season" but my favorite chapters are When Faith goes into Spike's head: Chapters 27-29_**

Season 2 Re-cap of Faith's suck-fest suffering

*Having a nightmare about her abusive past even while she was so freaking happy to be in a house with Spike with nothing to do but screw him.

*Having to break up with Spike because she learned he took Connor to beat the shit out of Wes (in Season One) **Chapters 9 & 10, **Spike said this was because he thought Wes could convince Faith to let Spike heal her but Wes refused because he believed Faith (and the prophecy) that Spike's healing her was evil.

*Finding out that Spike also beat up Wes because of The Orpheus/Angelus idea that was hers! Realizing Spike was an ass-hat that didn't respect her decisions and that he manipulated Connor to beat up Wes.

*Having Spike totally freak out and cry and tell her she was just looking for an excuse to sabotage their relationship because she was afraid of getting hurt.

*Spike disappearing for like a month after she broke up with him. (He couldn't come back to town and helped her fight The Mission and be her friend.)

*Having Connor get kidnapped by this Sajahan demon guy and finding out that this demon is in cahoots with the demons that think she's in some prophecy with Spike and that they are conspiring to end her or Spike as well as Connor.

*Finding out the reason Spike was missing is because he had been kidnapped by a rogue ex-government group headed by a woman who wanted to make Spike into a mindless killing cyborg to kill her.

*Realizing this woman Dr. Shelly Walsh was some twisted mad scientist bitch who blamed The Slayer, and Spike, for the death of her mad mother and she wanted to torture Spike and kill Faith to take out the Slayer line. She also wanted to do something with Connor.

*Killing the mad-scientist bitch when she tries to kill Spike and having Willow and Riley Finn, show up and see Faith is a killer.

*Trying to save Spike's life by having his cyborg ass bite her.

*Having the bite keep him alive but being told that he'd stay in a coma locked in his bad memories forever.

***Learning that Wes was somewhat responsible for what happened to Spike. (But at least now Spike, Faith and Wes are even.)**

*Learning that Spike was somewhat responsible for what happened to Spike. Wes decided to take him in as he seemed to be starting a killing spree. He went to Boston and killed Faith's extremely abusive foster father right after she dumped him by finding out his name at Wolfram & Hart.

*Having Willow do a spell to go into his head to try to wake him up and him not being able to hear her. Then seeing him watch his little sister die, having to watch B abandon him and having to watch him kill Nikki Wood.

*Then having Spike be able to hear her. Make out with her, fight with her and then throw her out of his head, literally. Well, mystically.

***Having him wake up and be all bitchy to her.**

***Getting back together and having to have sex in a Wolfram and Hart hospital. ( Because now she and Wes are even. Okay, part of that was ok but…)**

***Leaving to take a shower and coming back to find her boyfriend has been possessed by the guy she trusted to remove that demon from her, Alistair Crowley (played by Malcolm MacDowell)**

*Having Crowley say really messed up cruel things to her and kill people while he plans to assault her in your boyfriend's body, while he rants about that stupid ass prophecy.

*Having your rich bitch best friend shoot your boyfriend's possessed body

*Having the guy in your boyfriend's body try to kill your best friend only to be saved in time by Angel, Connor and your ex, Robin Wood who also was adopted by the guy who is possessing your boyfriend's body.

*Having the guy move from your boyfriend's body to Angel's body and then to try to go to Connor's

*Having Dawn and Willow and Xander come in and having Dawn use her "key" power to suck the guy into a Hell dimension. (That was actually cool.)

*Having your boyfriend freak out for a minute about all that but then be okay.

*Having your ex be kinda mean, but it's understandable…Even tough he was the one that broke up with you.

Season 3

*Having to deal with the weird ass prophecy—still and learning that there are all these different sects of Rhoshobi demons that are fighting about how to handle the prophecy.

*Having a really good time living with your stupid ass formerly evil vampire boyfriend while he's still a pain in the ass.

*Faith's stupid ass formerly evil boyfriend saying crazy stuff, like he wants to marry her and your BF giving her shit about **it.**

***Finding out that Buffy is back in this dimension and has been, for a good while, and that Spike and Willow knew and were keeping it secret. (Actually, it's Dawn, Xander, and Kennedy that are losing it over this. Faith is 5 by 5.)**

***Faith's stupid ass formely evil boyfriend telling her that he has to go off with Willow to save B's life and that they might not make it back alive.**

*Kennedy losing it over this and Willow being really cold to her and literally throwing a spell at her that give Kennedy Slayer power.

*Faith has no idea what's going on with Spike and Willow. She just knows they are doing a dangerous spell and going into the dark parts of her soul because some inter-dimensional being tried to destroy B's soul and killed some guy she was with.

*Faith keeps texting Spike but he isn't answering. She texts him all the latest information:

*Faith's foster sister Reese (played by Tania Raymonde.) shows up and seems really smart and sassy. She hooks up with Connor and they seem to be in love.

*Reese turns out to be a Vengeance demon who was just using Connor. She threatens to kill Connor (just to prove to Faith that men are nothing.) Faith was forced to kill her.

*Faith gets her Slayer powers back, which is bad because she can only assume that means B is dead.

*Before she was killed, Reese granted a wish made by Robin Wood that made him go a little dark and say some cruel things to Faith and then leaves town after this.

***Faith assumes Spike is dead, but she still texts him that she also left town for a few days to "take care of some things." Chapter 47**

*She looked up Spike's last name and found out it was Pratt (which didn't suck, but it is kind of funny.)

*She gets a text from some unknown number saying it is Spike, but what if it is someone screwing with her?

That leads us to the latest chapter…

But here is the first chapter of the fic, started so long ago, everyone has grown so much since then. But, in case you wanted to read it:

Story Notes: Starts off after "Chosen" and "Home". Sunnydale rose up from the ground with Spike. He has stayed in Sunnydale along with Faith to guard the closed Hellmouth. Buffy has jumped this dimension in order to keep the First from being able to rise. In part one we find Spike showing up at to see the Angel gang at Wollfram & Hart. What Ever for?...

Forget Me Not Part- I

The Emperor's new clothes

"Mr. Angel, I'm sorry to interrupt your...meeting." Joe, the security guard paused as he saw Wesley, Lorne, and Angel playing darts. Fred was at the computer.

"But, security has found that there is another vampire in the building...We've been trying to terminate it, but- uh- we can't seem to. It's fast and mean. There have been no casualties yet, but-"

"Angel, you didn't tell security that another vampire was INVITED into the building?" Fred gasped.

"Uh-oh." Angel grimaced as he looked on the security screen. He saw his childe smile as he pushed a bunch of security guards down the stairs, and catch a stake that someone threw. Angel turned up the volume on camera 7.

"Is this yours? It landed on my picnic." He said throwing the stake back to the guy.

"Is this all the big boy's got? Because I am so not impressed...I wanted a welcoming present...a gift basket...from Pottery Barn." He sighed. One of the more brave- or moronic-security guards jumped on him from the top of the stairwell.

"All right. Pier one would have been fine" The vampire said as he threw the guard off.

"Obnoxious little bugger. Wonder what he wants. Want me to go take care of it?" Wesley offered.

"No. I know what he wants" Angel sighed.

"What is it? More peroxide? I swear after the 'Matrix' came out with that rebirth of Glam...All the kids with the black coats and the dyed hair...It's tacky...Hey, he looks familiar...Eow! That's gotta hurt. The security guards have dental, right?" Lorne winced as he looked at the camera.

"Angel!" Fred prodded.

"Call off all the men immediately, Joe" Angel said coolly. Joe obeyed taking into his CB.

"Good idea...Because this is already gonna cost us a fortune in comp. Poor guys. I'm depressed. Oh, I need another drink." Lorne sighed and went to the bar.

"Gunn" Angel called into his intercom.

"Angel, you have to push the button first" Fred reminded.

"I know! I did. Didn't I? I didn't. I hate these things!" Angel snapped.

"Gunn" Angel called into the intercom, pushing the button this time.

"Yo" Gunn called back.

"Spike is here, and he's not gonna be the friendly guest we thought...I- uh-forgot to inform security he was coming" Angel informed him.

"Man!" Gunn's cackle filled the room. "I'm on it."

"I said I would handle it" Wes whined. "Wait...Did you say Spike?...William the Bloody? You invited-Are you daft?...Gunn, you're going to need back-up!" Wes called into his cell phone. He checked his sleeve to make sure his stake contraption was working properly.

"It's cool, Wes...I'm on it." Gunn called back.

"He'll be on you, I'm afraid...Picture a shorter sharper tongued Angelus...Smart, but his weakness is that he's easily distracted by his emotions...Say something about Drusilla, she was his sire. Angel and he had quite a rivalry going for her. Maybe that's why he's here" Wes informed. "Wait doesn't he have some chip in his head now? Are you honestly letting Gunn down there alone? That chip must be faulty."

"His chips or chip or whatever is gone...at least I think it is, It doesn't matter if he has chip things or not anymore...What do you mean 'sharper tongued'? I have a sharp tongue" Angel demanded.

"Buffy...I mean...He had the chip taken out over a year ago" Fred stammered as Angel frowned at Buffy's name.

"Oh, I really hope he does have chips and he comes up here...minus the ass-whipping part of him...I could use some chips...Faulty ones will do, if it saves me a trip to the grocery store...What the hell are you all talking about?" Lorne demanded.

"Wes, when was the last time you talked to the Council?" Angel asked.

"Well, them getting blown to bits put a damper on our phone calls, but even before that they were about as friendly as any ex-employer...Why?"

"Whoo! Look at Gunn!" Lorne called as he looked at the screen. Gunn was the first one to successfully hit Spike, and it looked like he did it nice and hard.

"Charles! What is he doing?" Fred groaned.

"Finally, a worthy adversary. Tell the big boy he needs to dump more of the budget into security...You're part of the most evil corporation in the world, and it's like I broke into Chucky Cheese to meet the mouse." Spike grumbled as he hit Gunn.

"We ain't evil, Bro...We're the good guys. If it's evil you're looking for go to the East coast branch." Gunn said as he tackled Spike and pushed a sword up against his throat.

"Oh, yeah. You're the nice branch of the rotting dead tree that's gonna fall on grandma's house." Spike grunted as he flipped Gunn off of him.

"But our money isn't too rotten for you" Gunn pointed out as he got up.

"I...am an independent contractor... I am not affiliated with W&H or any of their nasties they got goin' on ...I'm here to set something right... or at least make it better ...Hey, you know why I'm here?" Spike stopped fighting as he asked.

"U-huh...and, I'm here for the same reason you are, I wanna make things right. And, I finally get my own office to do that in." Gunn smiled as he twirled his sword.

"No. You are a corp. affiliate...You sold you're soul to the dealer... I'm just taking his money." Spike smirked. Gunn charged him.

"I sold nothing! I had nothing left to sell!" Gunn roared as he hit Spike hard with his own fists now.

"Been there...but you must've had something... How could a human make me bleed so easily?..." Spike touched his bloody lip right before Gunn hit him again. Spike turned into vampire face.

"No human can do that without some magics...They could get lucky and have a kill, and I'm guessing you have..." Spike told Gunn.

"But, not a good rumble... Not with me. But, I'm not complaining...Been a while since I had a good one...My Slayer, the one that I train, she could give me a good trashing...But, she wouldn't, not if I begged her." Spike had thrown Gunn into the concrete wall.

"Sounds like a personal problem to me." Gunn retorted.

"You're all right...Don't worry, I won't kill you...Don't do much of that anymore." Spike laughed in human face as Gunn slid down the wall.

"Oh, I am not worried." Gunn smiled angrily as he flipped to get up.

"Heh...My, my... You're making this more like breaking into Disney World than Chucky Cheese...Really, Mate...I just need to talk to the mouse." Spike said as he ducked.

"Gunn...Quit it. Bring him up." Angel's voice came on Gunn's cell phone.

"It's the mouse! He's all ordering people from his big chair...Can't believe he learned how to work a cell phone...You should have seen him when the plain 'ol phone came out...He'd talk into the wrong end. It was bloody hysterical...Like giving a monkey a soda bottle." Spike chuckled with Gunn who seemed more amused than Spike.

"Shut-up, Spike!" Angel growled into the intercom.

"Oh, and mousy has big ears...Does mousy have big eyes?...Can you see this, Mickey." Spike said giving the camera the bird.

"Why is he giving us the peace symbol?" Fred asked.

"That's the bird, Fred...It's the British finger" Wesley sighed.

"Oh" She said in realization, and then, "Oh! This changes everything in those 'Red Dwarf' episodes I've seen."

"Mr. Angel, HE is here!...I think Mr. Gunn hit him or something," Talia, Angel's secretary said into the intercom.

"Thanks, Talia...Send them in" Angel said.

"Angel-Cakes, the button," Lorne reminded. Angel grumbled.

"Talia, send Gunn and Spike in here," he said. There was no response.

"I swear, that girl is an evil spy sent to destroy you with her incompetence," Wesley said.

"No, her office skills are as good as Cordy's" Angel said.

"Fire her," Wes snorted.

"No..she-she's okay... without her this whole Spike thing wouldn't be going as smooth. Not that it...I like her she's...I can't fire someone; it's horrible!...Okay, if they try to kill me or hurt Connor I can...but not if they are just..." Angel stammered.

"Connor? Why does that sound familiar...Like Spike seems familiar," Lorne stroked his chin.

"Talia!" Angel yelled into the intercom.

"Coming." Talia said sweetly.

"...to finally meet the lady that was charming enough to persuade me to come to Micky's lair...Can't believe someone as smart and as...hot as you would work here." Spike smiled to down at a short curvy girl with blue hair.

"Aw, well it beats waitressing!" She blushed. "So, yeah, like I was saying...She wrote a whole thesis...on you...and then she died." Talia was saying walking backwards to face Spike. Spike's lip was bloody. Gunn walked in limping, but he looked pleased.

"My life shocked her to death? I can understand that...it bloody killed me" Spike grinned.

"No..no, no!" Talia laughed and touched his chest. "She died when the Council blew-up... It's been about a year now, but still... it really sucks, you know... I never really liked the Council ... but I never thought anything would EVER happen to them. They were just so: 'Oh, look at us were the Council...We are so much better than everyone else.'... I took some classes there, but then I dropped out... It was how I met Lydia. I really wish she was alive so I could call her now."

"Talia, we have an actual business meeting to get to," Angel said gently.

"You sod off! The girl's talking about her dead friend, and you are blowing her off so you can play CEO with me...Well, I'm not impressed. What was with your welcoming committee, anyway?" Spike grumbled.

"I forgot to tell security you were coming. They are supposed to kill any vampire that gets in here. Sorry" Angel said dully.

"Oh, Security hurt you! Your lip's all bloody!" Talia gasped.

"Yeah, and from him that is like a teary eyed apology. How do you work for this Wanker?" Spike rolled his eyes at Talia.

"I'm fine too, Thanks." Gunn rolled his eyes

"Angel. He's cool...He lets me wear what I want...and I didn't have to take these out, though I can tell he wishes I would" Talia rolled her eyes pointing to her nose and tongue piercing.

"Very nice...They say if you like girls the tongue one is more towards the tip, and if you like boys it's more toward the back...Where's yours?" Spike asked with his eyebrow-raised. Talia stuck out her tongue to reveal a further back piercing.

"Very nice" Spike smirked.

"Whew! I'm an extra in a teen movie all of a sudden." Lorne said.

"Okay, really didn't wanna know!" Gunn scoffed as he threw up his hands.

"Angel, why exactly is he here. Should I kill him," Wesley whispered.

"Not yet...That will be all Talia," Angel grumbled.

"No, that won't be all Talia," Spike said sharply. "I'll tell you one secret about me, since you can't seem to jimmy your way into files and records 'round here."

"You tried to break into files and records!" Angel snapped at Talia.

"It was before you were here...When I worked for the evil W&H as a temp. It was only to find out about Spike for Lydia's thesis...And maybe I wanted to know what was up with Kurt Cobain," Talia insisted then turned to Spike. "What's the secret?"

"Maybe you can rest a little easier about your friend...The guy who blew up the Council...He won't kill anymore girls... I offed him," Spike winked.

"Really? What sort of demon was it? I have my theories...Did you do all your torture stuff?"

"Not as much as I would like...My Slayer burnt out his eye...And I twisted his head full around..." Spike smiled as he held Talia's chin and jerked it a little bit. "He was the worst kind of demon, he was a man that decided to go to pure evil.

"Buffy burnt out a man's eye!" Angel's eye widened.

"No! Buffy would never do that! She was already gone. We made sure it was over...for her," Spike seemed insulted. "It was Faith...But I killed him." Spike smiled now.

"You killed a human...with Faith. I should have known you'd be the same even if you did have a soul," Angel said lowly.

"HE has a soul...Here we go again! Slayers should not be involved with vampires! And this time it will be even more dire. I bet he and Faith will make Buffy and you look like Ozzy and Harriet." Wes grumbled.

"Thanks, Wes" Angel grumbled.

"Well, it's true. You and Buffy didn't exactly bring out the best in each other...And he- he is just the sort that will drag Faith down into the mire, and his mire is probably far more dirty than yours...They've already killed once! The last thing she needs is to let out her dark side now that the Hellmouth is closed...God this is awful! Why didn't I check up on her?"

"Who the hell are you, Cowboy? You know Faith? You keep you're dirty lawyer hands off her or you'll lose them!" Spike walked up into Wes's face.

"I am not a lawyer. I am demon hunter. I was with the Council and I-" Wesley stood firm glaring at Spike as he interrupted.

"The sodding Council! That's even worse! Those archaic autocrats! Figures you'd be working here. So, some of you survived...and what a surprise the survivors are too bloody righteous to kiss my ass for ending the man that spoiled their little club!" Spike smirked.

"Do you want to see the 'Deftones' with me?" Talia asked Spike nervously as she stepped between him and Wesley.

"You're treading a fine line, Spike." Angel grumbled rising from the desk now.

"Yeah, sure...Love the 'Deftones'...I have a friend who loves them too...Are the tickets still on sale?" Spike asked smirking as he ignored Angel.

"Well, we have limitless tickets, Don't we Lorne?" Talia asked with a sigh.

"Sure do," Lorne answered.

"Oh, balls! The 'Deftones' sold-out...Went all corporate," Spike whined.

"Not really. They have their cute little indie label, but they are playing in a place we are part owner in. There's no escaping us, Kid...I can't believe I just said that. I WAS kidding," Lorne gulped.

"So, you can bring as many people as you want...But, I was hoping we could be alone," Talia frowned.

"Look, I'm coming out of something really really huge...I had this girl, and it's like she died, but she didn't die, but I can't-"

"Oh, is that the Slayer that had to jump dimensions so the world wouldn't fall into the hands of evil?" Talia asked.

"Yeah." Spike looked teary.

"Oh you poor thing...A vampire in love with a Slayer...and then she has to leave...It's like star-crossed" She cooed.

"He was with Buffy too?" Fred asked.

"Good Lord!" Wes grumbled.

"This is a business! Not some group therapy single's bar! Talia, get out! Spike, sit down and listen before I throw you out!" Angel roared.

"No! You shut your trap, Mr. Burns! See what happens when you wear the emperor's clothes? Not only are you wearing nothing but, you become the sodding emperor. You need me, I don't need you!" Spike yelled back staring Angel down.

"Wow... That was hella deep. And no one ever talks to Angel like that, not even them." Talia said as she pointed to the rest of the room. "Miss Chase would tell Angel off, but she left. She was all: 'I can't work HERE. I don't even know who you are anymore. Maybe I forgot who you REALLY were in that coma'"

"I don't live in the King's kingdom, Love...Angel holds nothing over me, and apparently the same goes for Cordelia...Knew I liked that bird," Spike smiled.

"Don't I hold SOMETHING over you, Spike?" Angel asked. "I know I do in the other dimension at least...But, even here she loved me. She always loved me...But, you seem to be over her already. Using your story to pick up chicks, replacing her with Faith."

Spike was instantly over the desk on Angel in vampire face. Angel threw Spike off and Wesley went to grab him.

"No!...None of you touch him...This is my fight!" Angel said in vamp face. Spike ran at Angel again.

"I don't know why he said that. I warned him about all the things that would set him off." Fred winced as the vampires wrestled.

"Ohmigod! Ohmigod! This is all because of me." Talia shrieked.

"I knew this was a baaaad...I don't get why boss needs him." Gunn shook his head as the vampires fought wrestling and growling. They hit the walls and plaster fell.

"Wait, I'm confused now. Well, I was confused before, but—Are they fighting over Cordelia?" Lorne questioned yelling over the computer crashing to the ground as Angel and Spike fought on the desk.

"No, it's that Buffy girl Slayer...I think. Angel mentioned the other dimension where he and Buffy are a couple" Fred said.

"Well, it sounds like you know a lot more than I do... Spike really loved Buffy too? God, what was with that girl." Wes remarked yelling over the growling.

"mmm-K...I don't really care if I'm in the know...I just want to be in the clear...of getting hit with flying debris, like a two hundred pound desk...So, we're walking and we're walking...Let's go people." Lorne said as he was leading Talia and Fred out by the shoulders. A stapler hit the wall and shattered with staples flying out landing at Lorne's feet.

"And we're ducking behind the couches until this is over." Lorne sang nervously as he skittered back to the couch.

"Angel you should end this, or at least let me get a crack at him...He has speed, but when you do get him nail him...Like that, yes" Wes said, not that Angel or Spike seemed to hear him.

"Oh my God! Will Mr. Angel try to kill Spike?" Talia was screaming.

"No, Angel will just kick his ass." Gunn told her.

"Will Spike try to kill Mr. Angel?" She asked.

"Dunno but, Angel will just kick his ass." Gunn said.

"You sure about that?" Lorne asked as Angel got thrown into the bar mirror.

"According to Angel, he can kick Spike's ass." Gunn said calmly.

"Oh, I hope this ends like Rocky" Lorne gasped.

"Which Rocky?" Gun asked as Angel punched Spike and he fell.

"I don't know! The one where James Brown comes and signs...That isn't the one where Rocky kills a guy is it?" Lorne fretted.

"I'd assume that this will end like all there other fights when you factor in the souls...They'll both break some bones and things. Spike might get a few more broken. Then they will stop" Fred said.

"You never loved her! You left her, left her to die! She learned what love was through me!" Spike growled as he kicked Angel in the face.

"You...shut... your fake-accented mouth! You know nothing about Buffy and me! I didn't use her to hit on receptionists a year later." Angel yelled as he pummeled Spike.

"I'm a secretary" Talia snipped

"Yeah." Spike giggled now. "But you left. You left and you fucked sodding Darla...'Bout a year later, or was it two years?..." Angel got off of him and turned around.

"Does two years make it okay to shag your old Sire bitch that didn't have one decent bone in her body?" Spike asked Angel's back as he got up and brushed off broken glass.

"It's probably not over yet...if this is like their other fights." Fred whispered as she stopped Wesley from getting up.

"Tell me you were thinkin' a' Buffy when you screwed that dead whore and I'll kill you...You wanted your Lady Macbeth back... and now some boy is out there desperately trying to shut you out! And I have to make sure he can...Paying off Peter, so Paul will forget how you robbed him of EVERYTHING! " Spike growled. Angel grabbed Spike by the throat and lifted him up.

"Oh! That's harsh." Gunn winced.

"Yep..not over." Fred stated.

"What is he talking about?" Wesley asked.

"Don't talk about what you don't understand!...Everything I did was for Buffy. Then, everything I did was for my son...I loved Buffy. I loved her enough to allow her to not have pain from me; I did the same for my son. They are the reason I am in this office. Why are you here Spike?" Angel demanded. Spike kicked Angel and they both fell.

"I have my reasons too. Reasons you'd never bloody have. Love doesn't end when the girl isn't yours anymore...It doesn't end if she is gone...It doesn't end if she can never be yours...It doesn't even sodding end with her." Spike roared on the ground.

"I don't fucking care what your reasons are- You'll get nothing from me. Buffy made the mistake of letting you in. I won't! Get out!" Angel demeaned as he got up holding his arm. Spike laughed as Angel threw his shoulder into the wall to get it back into joint.

"Angel...Isn't there a reason you wanted him for this? He is a capable person that- Connor- Brian won't remember." Fred said.

"I can't even believe I let him in here, let alone almost trusted him with this! In all your research, you failed to pick up the fact that he was still evil, Fred." Angel grumbled.

"Well, granted there is always more than one way to look at data, but as far as what I found he wasn't evil and he has work experience with teens helping them and stuff ...not killing them...not now anyway...Except for that whole trigger of evil thing ...I didn't get the file on him and Faith killing a guy...They probably only did it a short while ago...It takes a while to archive these things...Sorry." Fred explained.

"Don't bloody apologize to him... Sounds like you're the one doing all the work...Never knew I had such a big fan club that archived my every piss...if I did piss." Spike said to Fred.

"Files and records." Angel grumbled into the phone as he snapped it back together. "Get me EVERYTHING on Spike and the Slayer and what they've done together...No, not that Slayer! The only one that's here now-Faith!" Angel groaned "No, I do not want it E-mailed to me...My computer is down." Angel kicked the cracked monitor of his now broken computer. "No, I don't want you to call tech. support! Just give it to me on the exotic stuff known as paper!"

"You keep your Sodding Evil CEO paws away from Faith! The last time she dealt with your little company and you it didn't end so well." Spike's eyes narrowed one was swollen almost shut.

"It WASN'T my company then...It's different now!" Angel spat.

"Oh my God! Did you know your eye is swelling shut?" Talia asked Spike in a moment of silence.

"Talia." Angel grumbled lowly. "If you like working here you will go and get that file-NOW!" With that, Talia ran off.

"Oh no, you're not a bloody fascist!" Spike scoffed. "I always wondered how those Enron or Pepsi people live with themselves...'Oh, it's not ME owning parts of every other company so I can insidiously own the world.. It's not me destroying the rain forests...It was the old company. It's the other branch that does that.'"

"I could have sworn I said: GET OUT!...And We don't own stock in every other company...You are listening to too much NPR" Angel grumbled.

"Actually, Angel..." Fred began.

"We do?...C'mon, how can we own stock in every company?" Angel haplessly insisted.

"Well, all the major ones...But, it's not like he said...We make them better" Fred said.

"Oh really? So you're a sweet fascist monopoly?" Spike smirked.

"I thought Angel made it clear that you were to-" Before Wesley could finish someone's cell phone rang. Everyone looked down at their phones.

"It ain't mine. Mine plays the baseline of 'Superstition.'" Gunn sighed.

"That's cool. I should get mine to do that," Fred said. Angel kept trying to answer his phone, but couldn't.

"Get your own song, woman!" Gunn chided.

"Hello...Hello...God I hate this thing!" He grumbled.

"It's not yours, Boss." Gunn called to Angel. Spike was kicking through broken glass on the floor until he found the phone.

"That you, Nib?" He said into the phone wearily. "I'm all right."

"Do you think that's Faith? I can't imagine the vileness they would bring out in each other." Wesley whispered to Angel.

"You are a sodding piece of work! I can't believe you called me about this...Well, I can't take care of it. I'm about four hours away...I thought Faith would tell you...I'm only gonna be gone one more day...Well, prolly two more days now...or maybe zero more days... Why yes, I can vague it up for you...I'm some where...I may or may not be partaking in something...Maybe the right thing to do...Maybe not...depending on what your philosophy of truth is...Is truth beauty- Is beauty truth? Ponder that one... That'll get you ready for college...Dawn, you can go anywhere you want! Just pick the college you want...We'll get the money...I'll get the money...Don't worry about it...Do the things kids do...I dunno make-out in cars with HUMAN boys...Go to prom...Do spells with Red." He coughed and sat down on the couch.

"That's not Faith...He said 'Dawn'...Do you think it's Buffy's sister?" Wesley asked.

"Wow, Wes...You may not be detecting much anymore, but you still have those mad skills." Gunn rolled his eyes.

"Ah, bloody hell." Spike winced in pain taking out a cigarette and flopping on one of the couches.

"No, I'm fine. Just needed a cigarette...and a drink...Can you get me Scotch, Love?...The black label stuff...Haven't had that stuff since I'd kill for it." Spike said softly to Talia, who had returned with a thick folder.

"Ah, a man after my own heart...except in the murderous rage department" Lonre said as he pulled the stapler out of the wall.

Fred and Gunn started to clean the various parts of the trashed office. Wes and Angel just remained standing staring at Spike as if they were waiting for demons to rise out of his phone.

"Thanks, Love." Spike said to Talia as she handed him the Scotch and looked at him sadly. "...No, not you, Dawn...Yes, Dawn I have a secret girlfriend four hours away...We met in an ensouled vamp chat room...Look, Nib, it's already dead. It can't hurt you. Just get it out of the house." Spike said.

"Oh, this vase! I loved this vase... I have to look into it, but I think there is a curse if you break it. You know how long it's been since this office has looked like this?" Lorne tisked as picked up the remains of a vase.

"Umm...Two weeks ago when that Bulega assassin demon got in?" Gunn asked as he threw some glass in a trash can.

"Oh, yeah I forgot about that." Fred said.

"That wasn't quite as bad as this...I was thinking it was more like last year" Lorne said.

"What the old zombies?" Talia asked.

"No, Angel got back from Sunnydale from when that Buffy girl had to jump dimensions in order for the biggest of big bads to go away...Totally trashed the place...Not that he still thought he had a chance...I think it was just a kick in the teeth finding out that he is human in a dimension with Buffy somewhere... Buffy-She really does sound like the girl you bring home to Mom." Lorne laughed.

"Hey Lorne...do you think you could NOT tell the employees my most painful and personal issues?" Angel snapped as Talia handed him the file.

"Oh Pull-ease! Assistants find out everything-whether you like it or not...Mine knows more about my personal life than I do...That is the only way they make good assistants" Lorne insisted.

"I read the file and I think that Spike is perfect for this... He's really helped the Slayer, and your son and the Slayer have a lot in common...Not the Slayer you and Spike both- The current vampire Slayer... Spike and her are pretty tight friends, and she has a lot in common with your son and his life with you-both were street kids, and they liked beating the snot out of people, but they really wanted someone to love...It's sad...I should call my Mom" Talia told Angel.

"See, she's good and seems to know a whole hell of a lot...I rest my case" Lorne said "What's the deal with this son?"

Talia walked to the mini-fridge and brought out two packets of blood. She put one on Spike's eye, and punched a straw through the other and handed it to him. "Thanks, Love...Aren't you sweet?"

"Everyone will know everything in due time...Did you just give him my blood?" Angel demanded from Talia, who didn't answer, but just gazed at Spike.

"Talia, could you leave us now, please" Angel said tensely.

"Look what you did to him? I bet everything Lydia said in her thesis about you was true...If she were alive...She'd be really pissed" Talia said almost tearfully.

"Talia...I promise you'll get to see him later, Okay?" Angel said softly. Talia left slowly.

"Nib...Just be a man and pick it up...No, you can't wait for me...It will stink up the sodding place before I get back...I dunno...Three days...Okay, just listen to me..." Spike was still on the phone. He rolled his eyes.

"He has the girl handling dead things. You're not still hiring him for... What was it you were hiring him for?" Wesley whispered. He winced as Spike slurped with the straw as he smirked up at him.

"Isn't Buffy's sister about the same age as Connor? Spike seems like he gets along with her...He's helping her with the dead thing. Keep in mind we need a strong Super human, Non-evil person to do this" Fred said gently.

"Someone 'Non-Evil.' That's all it takes to get trusted around here? What is the world coming to?" Wes asked.

"I dunno, Man. You think he'd screw the kid just to spite you?" Gunn asked.

"No, Spike was always a man of his word in business...Especially if he needs the money. He wants to have a reputation as a bad-ass, but a bad-ass that won't screw you...It's how he makes his money...He always kept Drusilla in dresses and dolls. He killed for some of it, but you can't kill for all of it...Not without putting your women in danger...If he didn't need anything for Dru he'd rip your heart out before you hit the ground...and then he wouldn't stop killing until he got something else in his head." Angel said this will a far away look in his eye.

"And this is the person you want to handle your son?" Gunn asked.

"What Son?" Wes and Lorne said in unison. Angel opened the file as Wes and Gunn looked over his shoulder. They all took parts of the file including Fred.

"Hey!" Gunn smiled. "Is it me or does Faith have a damn fine boyfriend?...Okay, I didn't mean that like it sounded...He looks like me...That's why I said it."

"Knowing Faith, this boyfriend doesn't mean she's not involved with Spike," Wesley muttered.

"So, Faith's a playa!" Gunn nodded happily.

"I really don't think this guy looks anything like you, Charles" Fred said.

"Well, he's black, bald, and fine... Again- only saying he's fine because he looks like me. We're the same type."

"What?" Fred scoffed "You think you just all look the same to us girls? I'm insulted. I find you much cuter."

"Really?" Gunn smiled.

"Yes, you have a cute innocent face and he has more of a serious sexy one...I prefer cute," Fred said.

"Oh God!" Angel gasped.

"I second that -now I'm insulted." Gunn pouted.

"No...look" Angel said handing Gunn some paper.

"Walk over there..." Spike was still on the phone "Are you standing over it? Right...Now look at it...It's dead. There's nothing there...It's at peace...Now, touch it...C'mon...with one finger..." He held the phone away from his ear and winced.

"Christ! Don't scream...At least don't scream into the phone...I'm hung...and this sun light isn't helping...Oh, I'm in a place with special windows that keeps out all the UV rays but lets in the sodding light...All the rich vamps have 'em...No, I bloody hate it...The sun hurts my eyes...I don't know how you people stare at it all day...It only looks good when it's coming up or going down. Don't worry about where I am..."

"How did he know about the glass?" Angel asked.

"Dracula...but, that's only speculation" Fred told Angel.

"This guy is a trip and a half" Lorne laughed as he looked at the file. "And takes on things I'd rather not know about." He threw the file down, and went over to the bar near Spike.

"Getting another call...It's Faith! She'll come save you, Okay..." Spike rolled his eyes.

"Here we go...God, I hope she stayed under control...If he has any influence on her what so ever, we are in a world of trouble, my friend." Wesley said lowly. He made sure his lips didn't move.

"I just wanna know what he left Dawn with." Angel said with still lips.

"SLAY-a!" Spike laughed.

"Say 'Hey' for me" Gunn said. Spike just glowered at him.

"What are you doin'?" Spike was smiling again, but then looked shocked. "Wha!? Oh my bloody God! That's horrible!"

"What? What's wrong?" Wesley demanded.

"Her boyfriend is taking her to a country music concert" Spike actually answered Wesley.

"So, Yay...on this Caleb guy being dead. I would have turned him inside out...Seems like they went easy on him and only turned him the wrong way around" Gunn sighed.

"Oh Charles!" Fred scoffed in disgust.

"Have you read about this guy yet?"

"No, I'm reading about the time they got thrown out of that restaurant from a whipped cream fight... Willow was there. How bad can Spike be if Willow was there?" Fred looked at Angel who was only paying attention to Spike on the phone now.

"Here" Gunn gave her some papers titled "Winters, Faith, The Bloody, William, Johnson, Caleb: June 30, 2003"

"I can't believe that the most recent information we have on them is a year old. I really have to do something about..." Fred's voice got stuck as she read something. "...this...backlog." Her eyes widened.

"Are we sure they really killed this guy? Like he's really dead forever? Not like Lilah dead?...Because if he's not really dead we should get on that whole inside-out thing" Fred swallowed.

"Here's a picture of the body, Babe...It's really waterlogged, but you can see where Faith burned out the eye...She is so cool," Gunn smiled.

"Oh, that's not country, Fi...That's Grassroots...I knew Wood couldn't be that daft... See, I'm so bloody classy. I'm sticking up for your man, even though he hates me... Told you-You have to ask him that...He should be the one to tell you. I'm sure he will when he tires of us being mates." Spike sighed and took a drag on his cigarette. The room was actually quiet for a moment until Spike spoke again. "Grassroots is completely different than country, Fi...It's like country mixed with blues until it's good...You'll like it, okay?...I as your watcher say you should go...I know, I'm way too cool to be your watcher...I'm your punching bag complete with files and records that can break necks. But that's a really long title...Wanna call me Master?..." He paused then laughed an honest laugh and then said "Bite me, bitch."

"What? What did he just say?" Wes demanded still not moving his lips.

"I said: 'Bite me, bitch'...And I have the vampire hearing too...I don't need to read lips!" Spike spat at Wesley and then turned back to his phone. "Christ, I'm with morons, Fi...I'm getting money...For Dawn, and you if you'll take it...You need to have money if your gonna go to school, or open a store, or become a rock-star, or whatever you wanna do." He smiled than his eyes narrowed into anger.

"You'll take the money, if I have to stuff it up your ass, Slayer!...Yeah, well let me tell you somethin' if I wanna do something for my friend...I'll sodding do it!" He yelled and went to stand up, but whined in pain and then softly said "Hey, before I forget do you wanna go to a 'Deftones' show in L.A.?"

"HELL YEAH!" Everyone heard Faith scream in the phone.

"Could you not do that... I'm hung...Sod you! I mean I'm hung over...You are such a dirty bird." Spike laughed.

"Is there anything here on the nature of their relation-" Wes began.

"No, I'm not shagging the Slayer!... Angel, I think your boy has a Slayer obsession...Better watch him." Spike growled.

"Balls." Spike groaned into the phone. "Yes...I'm in Angel's little cooperate kingdom whoring myself for cash...and there is this annoying Sod that got all buggery when I mentioned I knew you...Yeah, he is a Brit...Really?" Spike mouth opened a bit. He stood-up and stared as Wesley for a while who stared back.

"Well, no wonder you went all dark... He's a buggering pounce ...You were a precious 'Bit and I wouldn't trust him with a pet rock!" Spike laughed. It was Angel who held Wesley back from running at Spike as he stretched on the couch. "Oh c'mon just a little! You're spoiling my fun. ...All right, I'll leave him alone." Spike grumbled as he looked at Wesley.

"Can you say 'Hey' for me NOW?" Gunn asked.

"The black bloke that kicks ass says 'Hey' by the way." Spike sighed.

"She says 'Hey Gunn.' She wants to see you when we go see the 'Deftones' now...Look what I bloody started...You sure you wanna hang with the oppressors, Fi, even if they do kick ass?" Spike grimaced.

"Oppressor! 'Cuse me? Didn't you just call me 'the Black bloke'" Gunn exclaimed without any real anger.

"I'm here for money!...Yes, I still think it's evil...I think Peaches and all his mouseketeers are all in a spot of trouble and will go dark any day...And, maybe it will be us that will have to take them down" Spike said joyfully. "Well, you think Starbucks is evil and you work there, but you aren't a big Starbuck...I'm just a little mouse taking one turn on the wheel ...It's just a one time thing...A family matter."

"Why? Why am I doing this?" Angel groaned and put his head in his hands.

"Peaches? He still seems like Peaches...But, now he's a twenty-first century boy: He's a twenty-first century digital boy...Don't know how to live, but he's got a lot a' toys." Spike sang. Lorne looked at him deeply. Then poured him more Scotch.

"Thanks, Mate" Spike said.

"Don't mention it, Hun." He sighed.

"What? What did you see?" Angel whispered as he pulled Lorne aside and they whispered. Wes looked angrily back and forth between Angel and Lorne and Spike.

"How is it in the killing fields? Good. Good...Ah, Brilliant." Spike smiled with his eyes closed.

"Why do you wanna talk to him?" Spike demanded with his eyes open wide now.

"He is not. He is a sodding horrid friend...He hit me in the face a bunch of times, so I had to hit back...Bloody Hell! I didn't do anything...He did it...Yeah, it was." Spike laughed suddenly.

"No! Wood hating me has nothing to do with Buffy...There are about three whole things in my life that don't now." Spike began counting on his hand.

"Your boyfriend hating me...You... What do you mean? You have nothing to do with Buffy! You couldn't be more different...So what if she asked me to help you. If you were a tight-assed bitch I'd help you like anyone would help a lady slay things, but I wouldn't be taking you to a sodding 'Deftones' show, would I?...Balls, you are a pain- Oh, the third thing is that there is this bird that asked me to the Deftones show and she seems like a real hell-cat...But, I can't - I miss Buffy- I could never be with-

"Spike! Get off the phone!" Angel grumbled suddenly.

"Well, maybe I COULD go to the show with her and possibly do the one-night-shag...You know how long it's been since I've done that?... I dunno. Hang on."

"Cutie." Spike looked over at Fred. "Pull up the file on the last time I had a one-nighter."

This made Lorne burst out laughing. Wesley and Angel both glowered.

"They- uh- Don't have stuff like that do they?" Gunn demanded.

"No, they only have significant things...I mean if the one night stand turned out to be significant ..like someone got Herpes or conceived an evil demon baby they'd go back and find it." Fred sighed.

"If we really wanted to be a good guy company we'd find a way to tell someone about the herpes before hand...I'm just saying...It would be nice to help people...in...any way." Angel stammered as everyone stared at him

"You don't really want to talk to Peaches...He has children in sweat shops somewhere, but he pays other people to know about it...He's paying me to make people forget about a child." Spike sighed.

"Spike!" Angel roared.

"See, it's so easy to brass him off...Okay, talk to, Mr. Peaches CEO, on MY minutes...It's not the bloody point I have unlimited minutes!" Spike grumbled. Then his face softened in surprise.

"Don't worry...It's not dangerous. You just asked if I could get killed...You didn't even ask if I'D kill somebody, I suppose that's okay with you." Spike laughed and beamed as Wesley's mouth became a straight line.

"Yes, as long as I'm all right-screw the sweat shop children," Spike said still laughing. Wesley bit his lip.

"We don't have any sweat shop children, do we?" Angel asked Fred. She shook her head.

"No killing...It's rather boring really...But, lessee I need to heal now, so that'll take a day...Then I need to go to Sacramento...Yep, Sodding Sacramento, where all the shinny happy families live, apparently...That will take a sodding day...Then I'll be back the next night...The 'Deftone' show...Peach, when is the 'Deftone' show?" Spike asked. Angel just looked at Lorne.

"The third...Tell that little Pistol I said 'Hello'" Lorne smiled.

"The Pylea demon said 'hi'...The green guy...She said 'Hey.' She said she actually likes some disco now, because of you. She wants to know if you're coming to the 'Deftones' show." Spike said to Lorne.

"Tell you what...Punk really isn't my scene, but I'll go, if you tell me how the hell you knew where I was from." Lorne said with his mouth open.

"He's coming...He is cool...So different from the other Pylea people that crossed over...No, you don't understand, Love. All of Peach's people seem very cool, cooler than him. That was always one of Peach's talents he knows how to suck in the best blokes and bints so he can make himself look better than he is...But, I think all of these people will slide down the slippery slope unless they get away from this sodding place...I can feel the evil here, Fi." He said more seriously.

"Why don't you tell us how you really feel?" Fred asked with an eye-roll.

"You're people are the ones hovering over my conversation, Cutie." Spike said to Fred.

"SPIKE GET OFF THE PHONE!" Angel yelled in vampire face.

"I'll say! The two of you talk longer than me and Miss Joan -the diva- Rivers, and you're almost as bitchy" Lorne sighed.

"You sure you want to him to talk to him?...Oh, Do me a favor. Go to Buffy's and throw away a dead rat...Dawnie is suddenly too girlie. She'll slay a demon, but never touch a dead little mouse...K...Here's Mickey." Spike handed the phone to Angel.

"Faith" Angel said lowly.

"I'm fine. No. We're fine. Don't listen to him...No, you couldn't have done this for me...Sadly, Spike is the best person to do it...No, I won't take care of him! He can take care of himself...hopefully...and he's your boy now?" Angel grumbled.

"No, I am not Citizen Caning! I AM happy...No of course not perfectly happy!" Angel grumbled.

"I not being a Dick...I would like to see you...We all would" Angel said softly now.

"Tell her to take advantage of her employee stock options at Starbucks." Wesley called.

"Did you hear Wes?...Well, if you ever need to borrow money, Faith...Okay, okay, okay...I didn't mean to insult you...Okay, good. See you later, bye" Angel closed the phone as Spike glared at him.

"I thought all vampires weren't phone people...but it's just Angel" Fred said absent mindedly.

"You'll give Faith this place's bloody money over my dead body" Spike growled at Angel.

"You want it laundered through your dead body first- fine...Are we gonna deal here or what?"

Angel demanded.

"Hit me." Spike smiled.

"From the look of your face...I already did that enough" Angel smiled. "Fred?"

Fred set-up a PowerPoint and dimmed the lights and gave Spike a folder.

"Oh lovely. Slides of the family vacation!" Spike rolled his eyes.

"This is Brian. Brian Fox." Fred said as she showed a picture of a smiling Eighteen-ish boy outside.

"Skinny little runt...must have gotten that from Mum" Spike smiled.

"Don't test me Spike...if you do ANYTHING wrong to him I'll make December 8th 1886 feel like a cake walk" Angel grumbled.

"All right, all right. No need to channel your better half" Spike said defensively. "I've got nothin' against the boy. I'm givin' him a life without you, aren't I?"

"This is his mother Charlene, a music teacher. This is his father Lawrence, he's a brain surgeon" Fred continued.

"Wanted to get as opposite as you as possible, eh?" Spike laughed.

"These are his sisters Quinn, 22 in graduate school for..for..Oh no! I forget! I think Art or Art therapy." Fred stammered.

"All right...Big Sis prolonging school on Daddy's money 'cause it beats working...Next." Spike grumbled.

"This is his other sister Jolene, Joey, whose 15 in high school-"

"Hey! You didn't say anything 'bout dosing a little girl! I am not gonna dose a little girl!" Spike rose furiously.

"William, just listen... You won't be hurting her." Fred said softly.

"Yeah! Just having her live a sodding lie! People like you-"

"Are just like the people that made Dawn... Are you living a lie with Dawn? Would you rather have her on the streets of LA?" Angel demanded. Spike sat down his arms crossed.

"It's Jolene and Brain that have started having the dreams" Fred explained.

"'Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top.'" Spike muttered.

"Virginia Woolfe...He can be taught something" Wesley muttered.

"Knock it off, Spike" Angel grumbled.

"He doesn't like when I quote the smart people. Metaphysics make your boss all dizzy" Spike whispered. Wesley glanced at Angel bemused and concerned as Fred continued

"They are having dreams that Brain was never really part of the Fox family until last year. Jolene has dreamt what the Fox's life would have been without Brian. They have become more and more vivid to her...She started to believe that they are real. She remembers Brain suddenly being there last year, for real, and everyone just thought he had always been there. But, Jolene swears that isn't the way it was..." Fred was showing pictures of the girl. In every picture she looked more and more tired.

"'But does it matter whether it was a dream or reality, if the dream made known to me the truth?'...Eh, Peach?'" Spike winked at Angel, who just ignored him now.

"Tolstoy" Wesley stated.

"Dostoevsky" Spike snorted. "Shoulda spend more on the Lit department in the Council."

"She has insisted that every event in the families life has happened differently...She can remember her past reality with Brian, when she was under fourteen, less and less everyday. Her delusion is becoming her reality and vice versa. Psychologists are saying that she must have a deep resentment towards her brother, and now she had a psychotic break. Jolene has gotten more and more depressed... She thinks she is going crazy. Her grades are slipping. She doesn't do any of the things she used to enjoy doing." Fred continued.

"Can we not play this game, Cutie?" Spike asked Fred "The kid's getting smart. She's not delusional. She's bloody sane!...You're the ones driving her crazy...You're the ones playing CIA and putting lies in her noggin'...Peaches got a play thing and he fucked it up as much as he possibly could, and then he got bored and made it somebody else's problem. That's what he does. You wanna know who hasn't changed-"

"Would you shut the hell up and just listen to me? I worked hard on this and I worked hard on rebuilding my own memories just so I could understand all this for your stupid ass, so you wouldn't ruin the mission... I know all about you and I'm not some little intern that is going to fawn all over you like you're- like you're- some sexy serial killer guy! And I don't care that you have a soul and like kids now! I just think you're very rude and annoying very very annoying" Fred shouted.

"Cutie's got a bit of fire" Spike smiled. "If you know all about me and my rudeness, you'd know I don't like to swim in denial as much as the prince of lies here does. So, let's call it like it is. This here is Angel's boy he made with my favorite evil Grand-bitch Darla."

"Angel made what with the Grad who now?" Lorne gasped.

"Angel what the-" Wes began.

"It's true. I had Wolfram and Heart build memories for him and this family... so he could be happy. That's why I accepted the Wolfram and Heart deal- for Connor—Brian," Angel sighed and got up to face the window.

"Yeah and he had the Big Bad lawyers erased all your memories of the kid too...What a buddy your boss is, huh? Kid must 'a been a real pain in the ass just like-" Spike was interrupted by Angel hitting him in the face at full force. Spike laughed and spit out a bloody tooth at him. Then blew him an obnoxious kiss.

"Ew!" Fred crinkled up her nose.

"Don't worry. They grow back by morning, Cutie" Spike explained.

"I don't give a rat's ass that was just disgusting" Fred scoffed. It seemed like Spike's feelings may have been hurt for a second.

"Why do this Angel? and Why is HE here?" Wesley asked

"Oh-oh! I'll field this one, Dad." Spike raised his hand and smiled.

"You see EX-watcher, you're all endowed corp. here wasn't as big as it thought. It did a fine job screwing with the minds of the distant people in the boy's so-called-life: friends of the family, the dentist, the mailman, they remember his awkward years with skinned knees and braces just fine, or at least they think they do. But...for lab rats closer to the boy, turns out corporations are better at destroying than creating-Imagine that. The saps that were supposed to forget about him all together like you an' me forgot just fine. But all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put the phony memories in straight for the family. The little bit and the boy are starting to see the truth...'Mummy, the emperor has no clothes.' or in this case...'Mummy, I am not really yours; I belong to the naked emperor.' Children are always the first to smell a rat...But, Cutie here figured the rest of the family will soon follow... So, Sire is sending in his other insurrectionist child- ME- to dose the family with some acid or something that with keep them under the thrall he wants."

"The family is going to start losing the memories-or-a-regaining them one by one in age order, but they'll be miserable and they won't be sure what's real- like Jolene...We know that Brian has started having the dreams too because he told Jolene. We don't know to what extent Brian's memories have returned he may be downplaying how much he does remember or even lying and saying he's had dreams to make Jolene feel better...We don't know. He only told Jolene. They actually don't resent each other at all...In fact they are very close..." Fred explained. She started showing pictures of Brian and Jolene together at different ages. They always were laughing. Everyone was silent staring up at the screen accept Angel.

"Here's the last one we have...right before the dreams started" Fred said lowly. It was Jolene with cotton candy all over her face and hands trying her best to rub it all over Brian.

"Hey, that's Great Adventure!" Lorne exclaimed. "I've been there. It was easy to go because people just thought I was part of some show...as always."

"Brat seems just like Dawn at that age. Food went everywhere except her mouth. What a bloody spaz she was" Spike snickered. He looked behind him to see Angel still looking out the window. Spike rolled his eyes and took a drag of his cigarette.

"But, Angel why do this? Did you feel that life with us- with you- was too dangerous?" Wesley asked.

"Are you Kidding? Talia told me the boy was big and bad. Some sort of vamp hybrid with none of the draw backs of the face, and the sunlight, and the blood crave...if you call those draw backs...Hey, maybe I should spawn a rug-rat! They could mow the lawn, get milk, beat down things for me during the day...Did you have them strip all of that away from him, Peach?" Spike asked snidely.

"Well, something awful must have happened for Angel to do this. He was a hybrid? Was he evil? Did he have no soul?" Wesley demanded. Angel was silent.

"On the contrary, maybe if he had no soul he could have tolerated Angel for a few more years...When you have no soul all that hate seems normal." Spike grinned at a frowning Wesley.

"The boy having a soul and a bit of sense hated Peach's so bloody much he couldn't see straight-literally. Like some of Peach's other dollies the boy went mad...So Peach did what he does best-he leaves-but he sets the brat up to be someone else's burden...And everything is better because these people actually aren't dead inside. They can love the boy"

"You don't know anything about Angel and why he did this!" Fred snapped.

"Oh, Cutie...I am sure you're brilliant. With the exception of his Baby-Mama, Peach does have such good taste in women. But, what they never realize is that I know EVERYTHING about him and why he does what he does to them- and now to the boy... Why do you think I'm here and not one of his ass kissing cronies? Why do you think your Angel hasn't tried to toss me out?"

While Spike lit another cigarette, everyone else looked at Angel waiting for a response. Angel was just facing the window-looking down in the light.

"This is all so 'Stella Dallis' meets 'East of Eden.'" Lorne sighed.

"Or 'Dallas' meets 'Star Wars.'" Gunn said.

"Just...Quit calling me 'Cutie'! I swear I don't why Willow hangs out with you!" Fred was flustered.

"You an' Red had a thing... I can see that. Red and I don't really 'hang out.' We just always find ourselves loving the same people, and we have a mutual respect... She is a cutie with a bit of fire too. We should really talk more, I suppose" Spike smiled.

"Call me Cutie again and I'll swell up your other eye" Fred grumbled.

"Oh...you a witch too?...This place will make you go dark. Red will have to come save you, I suspect. I call you 'Cutie' 'cause I don't know your name...No one properly introduced themselves. Now who's rude?" Spike asked.

"Oh...Well...I'm Fred" Fred stammered.

"Fred, that makes sense, you being of the...witch persuasion" Spike smiled.

"This is Lorne."

"Lorne? Doesn't sound Pylean. That your show biz name?" Spike asked.

"Please, my brain is overflowing because Angel has had a son the whole time I've known him. I don't need to be reminded of the whole shock of you knowing where I'm from." Lorne sighed.

"Actually, Lorne...Angel just had Connor for about two years...He was kidnapped and taken to another dimension where time moves differently and he came back as eighteen years old" Fred explained.

"Oh...of course," Lorne said as he poured himself another drink.

"That's Charles...Gunn- Charles Gunn" Fred told him as Gunn nodded.

"Peaches lucked out with you. I imagine you were a fighter before he came along. I just wish I could say that you lucked out with him, " Spike said.

"I'm not one to bitch about my boss...I'll leave that to you," Gunn said plainly.

"You shag my Slayer?" Spike asked Gunn.

"What?"

"You-shag-my-slay-a?...Did you and Faith bump uglies?" He repeated.

"I really don't think that's any of your damn business!" Gunn replied.

"Aw, ya didn't... Too bad, man... And now she's doing the whole boyfriend bit with Wood. You woulda been so much better for her...I think" Spike sighed.

"Listen, I-" Gunn began angrily and then softened. "Thanks."

"Ummm and this is Wesley."

"I really don't understand why you are here and I really do not like you in the slightest." Wesley commented.

"Mmm" Spike shook his head "Angel isn't the only failed Daddy in the room. I only know bits 'a your story with my Slayer, but don't worry she's got a way better replacement too, and I'm sure she's forgotten you with out the magics."

"He'll be out of here real soon, Wes." Angel said before Wes could respond.

"Right, well, until he is-I am- all right?" Wesley said firmly. Angel nodded and Wesley began to leave.

"So, if I land in the big house or the hospital please don't visit me unless you need me to save your ass!" Spike called after Wesley. Gunn started laughing.

"Charles!" Fred gasped.

"No, see it's funny because Faith was in the hospital and then jail and Wes never visited her until...Sorry" Gunn halted his laughing as Fred looked upset. "Hey man, lay off with the poignant insults!" Gunn tried to say to Spike firmly.

"Here are the pills. We created them down at the lab. I've given you all of them. There are some extra...just in case. If I find ANY of them sold on the black market, there will be consequences," Fred said dully and gave Spike a bottle.

"One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small, and the ones that Father gives you don't do anything at all," Spike sang as he held what looked like a black bean between his fingers.

"Honey, you make my head hurt," Lorne sighed.

"Sorry. Just something about all this cheery sunshine makes me go all Julie Andrews, Right Peach?" Spike snickered as he looked at Angel who was still looking out the window as still as a statue.

"Ya know, speaking of consequences, Cu-Freddy... If this is black magic-It's gonna have a price...For you...For the boy. I know you're not in my fan club, but just trust me," Spike sighed.

"It's not magic. It's pharmacological," Fred said.

"Farma-wha?" Lorne asked.

"It's synthetic...a drug. It's only affect is to make people believe in the reality they are supposed to, if they are actually trapped between two realities whether the realities were created by magic or different dimensions or whatever creates a schism," Fred explained.

"What do you mean 'makes them believe in the reality they are SUPPOSED to?' How does a pill decide which reality is right? I mean, what if I thought I was SUPPOSED to be Wesley Snipes, I'd take that pill and believe it? " Gunn asked.

"No, Charles. It will put the person in line with the rest of the universe's reality, it won't make you a delusional idiot just to be happy. Even if that's what you wanted," Fred sighed.

"Kind of like Prozac," Lorne said. "Say...Ang, I understand this whole floating baby boy down the river, but you'd tell me if he and I double dated the Judd sisters or something?"

"That's a pretty good question," Gunn stated.

"Gunn, you know already...The memories that were taken have no affect on your life. Everything has happened as you know it, accept I had a son...and that is the real reason I am here at Wolfram and Heart," Angel explained

"So, no horrible consequences from the pill-just dry mouth and diarrhea...But, what about all the magics you did to get the world this way? When is that going to come all crashing down around you?" Spike asked.

"THAT'S a pretty good question," Gunn stated again.

"That isn't any of your concern," Angel said dully.

"Fine by me. Don't say I didn't warn you...So, am I your angel, Charlie?" Spike asked with a grin as he walked over to Angel.

"I want to see you again right after with a full report on all these specifics," Angel sighed handing spike a paper which he stuffed in his pocket.

"Hang on, Charlie! Got a few previsions. First things first... I am not running past my house twice for you. I'll call you and tell you how the Spengoli went... If you need to see my pretty face so bad, I'm sure my Slayer is gonna wanna see you when we're here for the show, and I'm not leavin' her with you for a minute... This cooperate life is slowly Angelus-ing you from the inside out, and I dunno what happened between her and your better half last time she saved your ass, but it's not happening again" Spike growled.

"Fine you can wait for your money then too," Angel grumbled.

"Speaking of the money...My fee just doubled...I charge extra for dosing minors," Spike smiled.

"Fine," Angel growled.

"Boss, you do remember how much money we're talkin' about?" Gunn asked. Angel didn't answer.

"Eow! Eow! How much? How much?" Lorne asked giddily. Gunn whispered in his ear.

"Oh! Baby, you're a rich man!" Lorne exclaimed.

"I'm guessing you've never sent two girls to college, and set one up in a business." Spike stated.

"What kind of business?" Lorne asked.

"Motorcycles, selling and fixing," Spike stated as he put his hands behind his back and paced.

"Nope. But, I set a girl up in the music business and we marketed her as this hip-hop punky biker chick...That did cost a pretty penny," Lorne said.

"Oh her...Well, on behalf of the white demographic ages 17- 140 from the male and female biker, punk, gay, and average sods focus groups...We are really bloody sick of her," Spike said.

"Really? She is really such a nice kid...How 'bout the Hip-hop young Urban demographic?" Lorne asked.

"Why you lookin' at me?" Gunn raised his eyebrow.

"I know a 'Bit you can call. A friend of Fi's" Spike said.

"Spike!" Angel barked "Quit annoying my people and get to work!"

"THEY started talking to me...I'm not finished yet." He said slyly as he breathed on the glass

that allowed him in sunlight.

"Look, Lorne, Gunn, Do you guys-" Angel began.

"Have actual work we could be doing, so we don't encourage your out of control ADD childe?" Lorne asked.

"Have a very cool job waiting of training Ninja Kats, now that it's all out in the open that you 'Matrixed' our memories? Sure."

"..And the king dismissed his men, and kept his lady to show strength in front of the emissary" Spike sang.

"She's not his lady" Gunn smirked.

"Of course not... Just the Lady of the court...Just like you're not minions. You're Lords," Spike smiled.

"I can live with that," Gunn nodded and left.

"So, 'Deftones' with the Slayer on the third...Bring whoever...I'm sure anyone that you would know would totally have the right look for that club..." Lorne waved at Spike.

"Oh...Will you lose respect for me when you see the motley crew I'm brining to town," Spike smirked

"Well, with just you and that blue-headed bombshell, and the Spitfire Slayer the place will look goooood" Lorne said as he stood in the door way.

"Lorne" Angel groaned.

"I'm sorry...I guess we are supposed to hate him? I just can't...Not with the signing and the seeing of the bittersweet and the devotion and passion and the kismet...Lots of kismet." Lorne said excitedly. "See you and the pistol later and then later and then...then.. " He sighed or took a breath "later...but don't worry. It's all good." And with that he left Spike with a raised eyebrow. Then Spike put held his hands together behind his back and leaned into the window.

"You have cars with this kinda glass, Sire?" He asked drawing something in his not-needed breath's fog. It was the anarchy symbol.

"No way, Spike!" Angel snarled.

"Oh, I don't believe you! I think you have a fleet of them" Spike mock whined.

"No, Spike! Now take it or forget it all!"

"I want a car I can sunbathe in, and if you think I'm steppin' out like this you're lesser vain of the two us... I want to wait until I'm all healed and pretty again. I wanna be set up at a hotel for the night... all expenses paid with room service and an honor bar...You can afford a seven dollar snickers bar..." Spike winked at Fred and spoke again before she could object.

"And I want your word, as an honest businessman you won't involve Fi or Red- Faith or Willow- in ANY of your business dealings. I don't want those birds to set foot in this place. I'm not one to miss out on a bit of harmless fun with some swell peeps, like the ones that you have managed to glom on to this century...I'll play with your friendly pets, that were good to my Slayer, but I want her away from the ones that bit her. When we come to see the 'Deftones' I want that buggering ponce to stay away from Faith" Spike smirked.

"Do you really think I need you for this? Do you realize that there are a thousand people I could get besides you and all of them have been looking a thousand times better since you walked in here," Angel snapped.

"Yes, I think you really do need me for this. Even though I can be a bit slow I knew you weren't calling ME out of the goodness of your heart after you took everything I ever cared about from me...You would have never called me over my Slayer, but she must have had some contact with the boy... Maybe she was the best time in his life, and seeing her would make him remember it, and of course seeing you would remind him of the worst. But, when he sees my lovely mug he gets nothing, because I'm guessing you never showed him any old family photos."

"Angel, we CAN just use send our people over there to hire some people to put it in the food like Knox suggested," Fred said gently as she walked over and touched Angel's arm.

"I think Boss is afraid that Junior is remembering more than he is letting on to little Sis...And he may be afraid the boy does have some of that vamp power left and he needs my muscle if the boy should start swingin'. And, if fortunate son does remember Dad the boy isn't gonna want someone to sugar coat Daddy for him. He's gonna want someone with my virtue who sees Daddy as plain as day as he does. My girl, Buffy, she could never see it... and how convenient it was that HER memory of you and Big D's love child was erased before she took off...You Buggering Mother F-"

"Buffy knew! She loved Connor when she knew...I mean- she loved that I had a son," Angel grumbled.

"Nope Buffy couldn't see it..." Spike continued calmly. "Dru DID see it, but she was so mad she loved it...My Slayer now, I think she sees it, but she doesn't have the heart to admit it... We all have to have our delusions or society would collapse in two weeks, right? But who is really the one who has the virtue and the wisdom when the smoke clears? "

"And what is it that you are so smart and vitreous to see?" Fred scowled.

"Emperor's clothes, Freddy...Soul or not Daddy is an egotistical tyrant and all his benevolence is self-serving" Spike smiled.

"Oh, shut your fat mouth, at least Angel has benevolence! You are just here to torture him and get paid to do it "Fred snapped.

"Well, I had a good teacher, unlike my Slayer...Knowing that Fi's dead beat Dad is on your team gets my teeth out." Spike grumbled.

"I think you're teeth were out way before Wesley. In fact I KNOW they were." Fred commented.

"Nonetheless, I don't want him near my Slayer. HE is the bad influence"

"Quit calling Faith that-You can't own people Spike! Faith and Wesley made peace before you even met her" Angel snapped.

"I can't own people 'cause you own them all already. Stock in every company. You're little prick in every-" Spike was interrupted by getting punched again. He slid across the floor until he hit the wall.

"Get the fuck out or I swear I will beat you to death." Angel said lowly. There was a dull ringing. Spike got his phone out of his back pocket.

"You got good timing Nib...Oh it's you." He grumbled his eyes narrowing.

"Yes, I am...Did you call me to find that out for your newsletter on me. I'm sure they have one they put out here you could just copy...Sod off!...Oh, there's more in the basement in that cabinet in the back...No! In the back! Well, I know you only got the one eye, but LOOK." Spike sneered and rolled his eyes. Wesley came bounding into the office and stepped on Spike.

"Do you mind?" Spike blustered. Wesley glowered down at him.

"I just got the full report on your son...I am sorry Angel, about everything" Wesley sighed.

"It's in the past, Wes" Angel said.

"Yes, but it was in a past I couldn't remember, and I would have liked to have remembered it even if the memories were less than pleasant...For the longest time I didn't understand why I split off about something so petty as my feelings for Fred...Not that my feelings for Fred were...Why did you erase our memories?" Wesley asked.

"I didn't have a choice it was all or nothing" Angel murmured.

"I understand...But, couldn't you have told us before now, it would have made my motivations for some of my actions a lot more clear" Wesley said.

"Every one's memories are exactly the same they just don't have Connor in them," Angel told them.

"How can that be true though? I mean one person can change everything in your life. If I didn't know you I would still be in Pylea" Fred said to Angel.

"I thought you were the one that understood how this all worked...If you had to forget me, you'd still be here working at Wolfram and Heart with everyone. You would just remember meeting Gunn in the cave and Wesley would have always been the boss or something...Nothing would really be changed" Angel insisted gently.

"I understand how it works. I just think that would change everything," Fred replied.

"Well, I had no choice" Angel insisted.

"You have a choice now," Wesley said.

"I can't do that to him. I can't bring him back here after he thought he had the life he always wanted" Angel said miserably.

"No!" Wesley exclaimed "Not that. Get William the Bloody out of here. Get someone else or do it yourself. I don't trust him! Not in the least! And I'll make sure my department keeps an eye on him in Sunnydale with Faith." Everyone looked over at Spike.

"I must be speaking Chinese...Oh, no! It's that you're a moron...I've told you EXACTLY where it was five times...Wha? Faith is there! Well, why in God's name am I talking to you?...I swear I hate you more each day! Oh wait...Do you wanna go see the 'Deftones' in LA with Fi an' me?... Well, Angel's secretary wants to shag me, and she asked me... I'm bringing you because I sodding want to!...I can't. No, you Sod, it's not because she's Angel's secretary! Why do you think?...Well, thanks but I don't need the opinion of a moron...Sod off! Oh, tell Fi to ask Kennedy and Red...Well, tell Red she can see her cute little friend Fred and then she'll come...I dunno, we'll crash Peach's place...Don't worry he's pouting over his latest fuck-up so we won't see him...We can bring Dawnie. She can see her bastard father who hasn't given us a dime. Hey, Dawn has to learn to drive already and I can teach her now...No! The Desoto is dead, anyway," Spike scoffed. All of Angel's people stared at him waiting for him to say something-anything. He didn't.

"Oh!" Spike gasped suddenly, "Did Fi ever tell you that her old watcher has taken up with Angel?...Yeah! No!...She can be so closed lipped. It's 'cause she knew I'd come down here and beat the-Really?" Spike laughed hard now.

"Who the hell is he talking to?" Wes demanded.

"Some one-eyed demon," Fred said.

"Ow! Oh bugger, I think I have a broken rib...Lemme talk to Fi" He sighed still laughing.

"Fi," Spike gulped. "The idiot can't find the rat poison...It's in that place where I left that thing that time...Oh. I wanna tell you something, Fi. But, you have to promise not to bitch"

"So...now that's Faith. Why does he call her that 'Fi'...It's not in the file" Wes grumbled as he looked in the file.

"It's sort for 'Firecracker'...Look in the file to find out why I call you a buggering ponce" Spike called to Wesley.

"Nothing. Nobody. I AM nice. I am not the evil CEO. I'm the bloody worker on the floor-literally." Spike said "Okay, now listen...In that place where I left that ax...No, THAT ax...The hero's ax. I dunno, Fi which one is the hero's ax?" Spike asked rhetorically.

"That's my girl...Well, that's what it's called. Okay, underneath it is a key on a chain. No, it's to a deposit box in Bank of America...Yes, I'm bloody serious...I don't know why that is so funny...If something should happen to me..." He sighed and held the phone away from his ear.

"IF SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO ME...WHICH IT WON'T...like if I have to jump dimensions, or if I go into a coma, or if I should be taken in as the son of Daddy Warbuck's and all our memories are Matrixed...Take that key...You listening ... take that key to B of A on Main and you an' Nib get the prize inside..Not telling...Not arguing...Hanging up. Call you later! No, no, hanging up." Spike insisted and hung up. His phone instantly started ringing again.

"Incorrigible little vixen" Spike grinned as he got up. He opened the phone saying. "You won't deny a man his dying wish...Well, his un-dead dying wish...It's only 4k for each of you...Are you daft? That's nothing. You are naive when it comes to money...You are! It's 'cause you knicked everything before...Don't you give it all to her...It's for both of you. Hey! You're breaking-up-losing signal...I'm in the sewer...Believe me I'm in the sewer! Bye...Can't hear you! Bye"

"Like I said, incorrigible." He grinned "A lesser man might give up and get an office job."

"Did Faith tell you anything of what happened between us? Of what she did to your beloved Buffy, to Angel, to me? Did she tell you we forgave her for it all? Did she tell you I saved her from the council the day after she tortured me?"

"You were part of the bloody council!" Spike snapped.

"And you were part of the fanged four! The most depraved bloody thirsty family of vampires that killed thousands! You killed two Slayers yourself." Wesley demanded.

"Who the bloody hell is the fanged four?...It doesn't matter. I know this is where I'm supposed to say: 'Oh boo-bloody-hoo! You are so right and good and I am so bad and wrong. Please forgive me' I was a bloody vampire! That was what I was supposed to do! I was evil! I had no little angel on my shoulder! I was a sodding lion. They were the zebra. I fed" Spike growled at him.

"You took pleasure in killing young girls" Wesley snarled.

"I did, but than again that was in the job description. The Slayer knew I was gonna try to hurt her. They all knew where they stood with me. I was going to kill them, or die at their hand. What they didn't know was that was what you were gonna do that from the inside. I didn't say: 'Daddy's here' and stick the knife in her back, and that was what the council was all about," Spike yelled.

"That's not-I left the council and I saved Faith!" Wesley insisted.

"Oh, I've heard this song before with Rupert! I know how it ends. You can take the watcher out of the council, but you can't take the council out of the good little watcher boy!"

"What the bloody hell does that mean?"

"It means that you were no vampire, but you used a little girl to feel like a big man. You were lucky. You got one of the best...I knew them all. One of the top three. But she was flawed, and you resented that so much, didn't you? Because you were such a sodding failure yourself you wanted a flawless little doll to parade around. Her only flaw was she had been used so many times. All she needed was a little care and she'd be fine...Or she just needed that one good rogering to push her over the edge, and you were there for her, Watcher boy." Spike was then hit in the face by Wesley.

"Impressive... You've been workin' on that?" Spike smirked as he readjusted he jaw.

"Faith would never say these things about me! You're full of it!"

"Faith would never say these things about you because she doesn't say anything about you at all. That's how I know I'm not full of shit at all," Spike laughed.

"Wes, don't listen to him," Angel groaned. "He's the same as he was one hundred years ago...You can take the evil out of the boy, just not the piss-ant"

"All you know about me from a hundred years ago and now is probably all you know about your boy...That I'm rightfully brassed off," Spike scoffed.

"See...he's like a little yapping pit-bull. He pisses around what he thinks is his and when he feels threatened he sinks his teeth in...Trying to get his little jaws open hurts more than if you just let him get bored and let go." Angel said softly to Wesley.

"Bloody threatened! By him! The only real men you have here are the kick ass kid and the lounge lizard, who is probably gay, but real nonetheless-until you corrupt them with all this glitter" Spike insisted.

"Yeah, I see what you mean, Angel. Arf, arf! No wonder Faith never talks about you, Wesley...Who'd wanna hear this?" Fred glared at Spike.

"I- you- he...Shut-up!" Spike stammered.

"Bye," Fred said cheerfully as she handed him the folder and the pills.

"You can't be-" Wesley began.

"So we're clear, Sigh...Double or nothing...Sunshine Car...Expenses, hotel...Deadbeat is to be scarce when -Fi- Faith is here...None of my girls are to be your angels...I'm the only blond 'Ho." Spike grinned again.

"Faith and Willow aren't your girls! You don't have ANY girls! If they or anyone I know is interested in working for me or seeing Wes they are welcome to" Angel scoffed.

"Fine! She won't wanna see him anyway!" Spike nostrils flared. "You have a job for her? I'll make her realize what this place is and what you are. If she wants to go she'll have to beat on me...And she won't- She can't bare to hurt me" Spike said as he and Wesley glared at each other.

"Don't be jealous, Spikey. I don't have any jobs planned for anyone but you. I am just not going to forbid anyone to do anything...I'm not a fascist, or a whiny manipulative child...Now, out, wait, sit, stay and I'll get you your little toys you worked so hard for with the tantrum," Angel said mockingly sweet.

"There is one more thing" Spike said lowly.

"What?" Angel grumbled.

"Files and records. I want access to them." Spike's voice glided.

"Absolutely not" Angel said firmly.

"What are you afraid of? That I'll suck your little world into hell?" Spike chuckled.

"I thought you knew everything, Spike. What do you wanna know so bad?"

"Like I would tell you!"

"I only have scant reports from other dimensions... All I know is that Buffy and I are doing well. She graduated college last year, and our son just turned one" Angel said.

"What business do you have breeding all these children? One of you has done enough sodding damage!" Spike roared.

"I seem to be doing fine there" Angel smirked.

"What did you do there? Convince her to stop with the ruff and tumble? Had Faith take over? Try to get her to be Donna Reed? She needs to fight like she needs to shag-not that you would really know about that. You won't last!" Spike spat fiercely.

"Faith is dead there. She killed herself."

"You Sodding-" Spike gulped in some air, as if he had to. "Too busy with Buffy to get up off your ass and lend a hand."

"She killed herself, Spike...I'm sure Buffy and I-"

"I am sure BUFFY, your barley-legal bride, tried to do what she could...But, She and Faith were both children...They needed someone older and strong, and you ARE TOO SODDING WEAK for either of them...You reduced yourself to a mere human over there, so you could have a few years shagging Buffy! But you will get yours you selfish Nancy asshole!" Spike seethed as he pushed Angel up against the glass.

"She will get bored of you. She needs someone who can fight by her side, who can handle their bloody power without turning into a Sodding bastard!" He continued in vampire face.

"Someone like you, little man? I don't know where you are there, but I am sure Buffy either killed you, or you are in Drusilla's lap" Angel said emphatically. Spike slammed Angel against the window. Fred squealed when it sounded like the glass cracked. Angel punched Spike, which made him let go.

"Angel, the glass!" Fred exclaimed.

"It'll hold" He said calmly.

"Angel, get him out of here, for God's sake!" Wesley exclaimed.

"Where is Dru?...In this dimension?" Spike asked suddenly as he shook his vampire face off.

"Drusilla was last seen in LA with Doc."

"Doc from England?" Spike asked surprised.

"Yees" Angel sighed impatiently.

"Are you bloody serious?" Spike gasped in an amused way.

"No, I'm lying" Angel said sarcastically

"Well,...no one is getting at her then."

"I wouldn't think so...Unless you and Faith..." Angel's voice trailed off.

"We don't have any plans in taking over your turf here... Are you gonna...I mean, I'm sure you are. You are still convincing yourself you Mr. 'Do the right Thing' and now that you know where she is..."

"We don't have any plans." Angel said plainly.

"Well, right then...Thanks Freddy...See you on the third?" Spike said sighed to Fred emphatically.

"Is that when you're coming back with the report?" Fred asked after a bit of a pause.

"Yees" He sighed as if she were naive. "And that's when I will bring Red- Willow- the Slayer, and Dawn to town"

"W-Willow? I thought you didn't want her here." Fred stammered.

"Here! No bloody way! But, were going to the 'Deftones' show" Spike rolled his eyes.

"You- are- You are taking Willow to that thing with Talia?" Fred seemed dazed.

"I thought I would...I mean, I know her girlfriend will want to go, and it would be a chance for her to see you"

"Willow has a girlfriend?" Fred asked meekly.

"Oh Balls." Spike grumbled "You didn't know...Look, I'm sorry. I don't have to bring her, if you had a bad break-up with her. I just figure with birds it's different. Everything is out in the open and everyone is all friendly...God! I couldn't stand it! So, I understand where you're coming from...Well, now she'll want to go because her girlfriend and her boy are going."

"Her boy?" Fred squeaked.

"Yeah, why you don't like him either? Don't blame you, but he's like the background music...He just is always gonna be there when they are doing anything important...So, you are not coming now?"

"Uh- no...I mean yes...I mean, I'm not...I'm coming...I'll come..It's okay..I mean I should go, right?" Fred stammered and looked at Angel.

"That's up to you" Angel shrugged.

"Right see you with a 'Bit, two love birds, a Slayer, and a wanna be pirate...after I'm done slippin' the mickey to my uncle's family then?"

"I -um-Uuuuhhh...You realized I just yelled at you before, right?" Fred said nervously.

"Sure. It's a right of passage for every bird I know...Bye" Spike winked and he left already looking more healed.

"He kept calling me a bird? Is a bird some kind of lesbian? Not that..I'm um-" Fred asked.

"He means girl... And are you both insane!" Wesley grumbled.

"Talia, could you come in here please" Angel called.

"Did you guys know he's like bringing his ex-girlfriend's little sister on our date now? I don't know whether that is cute or really sad. I never thought he would be like this, I mean-"

"Talia" Angel sighed. "Call Gwen at the Hyperion and tell her to give Spike suite 3-A for the night. Tell her to go and get some of my blood at my place, and tell her that he is going to be a total pain in the ass and want cereal or something that they don't have on the menu. So, she should be ready. She has full permission to kick his ass, but warn her he'll probably just enjoy it. Then go to lot 7B and get the Mazda for Spike. It's his to keep."

"He'd like the Mustang better"

"Get the Mazda"

"You are...You're all insane... Maybe HE is right and this place is making you evil. You've sent a maniac that was trying to throw you out the window to help your son... You are leaving Faith in the hands of that maniac!" Wesley griped.

"Wesley, I know it all looks kinda tweaked... Okay, maybe it IS a little tweaked, but have you been in my life lately?" Angel asked rhetorically.

"I don't know. Have much of my memory has been altered?" Wesley grumbled. "Listen, I am concerned for your son,...and, I am NOW concerned for the other guests at the hotel... and mostly concerned for Faith, who I don't have to remind you is the only vampire Slayer now."

"Believe me my son will be fine. You don't think I have people watching him? Faith can make her own decisions, and he wasn't trying to throw me out the window. He KNEW he could never...Anyway, Talia..." Angel sighed and continued as Wesley stood with his gapping mouth.

"Tell Gwen to keep an eye on him. Tell her to call me if he drinks anymore than a fifth of Scotch. Tell her to call me if he drinks any Jack at all. Tell him if he throws any furniture out the window I'm taking the car back...And if he needs anything at all that you can get him- give it to him," Angel said plainly.

"Um, Angel..." Fred stammered

"What?" Angel grumbled lightly. "This is what I'm doing, okay? It's complicated, yes, but they are my-Connor is my son and I'll handle it the way I see fit."

"No," Fred sighed and whispered something in his ear.

"Talia" Angel said suddenly. "I wasn't suggesting that you...I mean I don't want you to think...I mean what two people-"

"He wasn't saying that you should sleep with Spike in any way, shape, or form as part of your job here. You're to have a professional relationship with...the independent contractor," Fred said.

"Oh, you guys...Look if you didn't want me to date him, you should have said so...Now we are going to this show...Is THAT why he asked like 20 other girls to the show? Because YOU told him he couldn't-Do you know how hard it is to be single and in LA and find some guy that isn't a total psycho?"

"Talia! Do whatever you want!" Angel snapped.

"If you could just make something up in writing saying that we did not encourage you to fraternize with...him..Maybe?" Fred asked softly.

"Form 56-12 B. Why didn't you just say so?" Talia scoffed.


	2. I'll See You in My Dreams

Title: More Or Less Part Two- "I'll see you in my Dreams"

Rating: R

Main Characters/Pairings in order: Faith/Spike; Connor; Angel, Robin Wood, Willow/Kennedy, Wesley, Dawn

A/N: Summary: Part Two of the Second Season. Faith and Spike are still in Angel's Wolfram and Hart Summer house having a good time. Spike and Willow both get phone calls that make Faith and Kennedy curious. Faith has a dream that makes Spike a little more than curious. Kennedy has a dream that freaks her out, and Dawn has a dream that makes her miserable. Meanwhile, Robin has some ambitious dreams that seem to differ from Wesley's.

Warning: More references to Faith's past which includes sexual abuse, but it's not sexualized.

PS. I had a wicked hard time writing this part for some reason. I feel like I haven't updated in forever, so I'd really appreciate any feedback just to let me know y'all are still reading. I want to REALLY thank Dutch for her help this time. I think she really stopped it from sucking this time.

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More Or Less Part Two- "I'll see you in my Dreams"  
  
"And yesterday will always be the reason why  
You keep comin' back for more. I'll see you in my dreams  
There we'll be safe tonight, from the lonely days of memory." Giant

"I told you. It's raining. You can't teach me how to swim after all," Faith said as she busted in the guest room where Spike had decided to take his "important call."

Important call. It made Faith laugh. Who was he, Angel all of a sudden? He did have his own business dealings, but they usually took place on the street with dice or in a back room with cards. The only calls that were usually made were how the cards would fall. The cards had come out real good for them for a change.

Faith now jumped on the bed in the very room that she had thought she would end up dying in to save Spike. When Spike had found her and busted in the room she thought for sure Spike was going to be the one to die instead, and it would be all her fault. But it hadn't gone down that way. Instead Spike was grinning as she jumped up and down on the bed.

"Can you believe a Slayer who doesn't know how to swim?" Spike said into the phone.

"I can believe a naked chick jumping up and down on a bed can totally distract you from your business call. I'm not the Slayer anymore, Brit boy. I gave it all up so you could live and breathe to make shady business calls," she said as she jumped in his lap.

"I resent that. I don't breathe," he smiled.

"So, this is a shady business call? Are they evil? Can they hear me? Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned I'm not the Slayer anymore because now we'll have some lame ass card sharks on our ass, right? Tell them we have a boy. We've been given an awesome boy unlike any other to train and unleash all Hell on them if we see fit. So they better not try anything," she beamed.

"Ah, yes the boy," Spike smiled at both Faith and the phone, like it was a person.

"See, Faith is very eager to get back to the boy. Me an' her and Blade make three. So there is nothing to worry about, love," Spike said to the phone.

Faith frowned. The phone was a "love?" The phone didn't have anything to worry about?

"Who is that?" Faith asked.

"No, Blade is not his real name. We call him that 'cause of the movie. No, he's not half vamp. We don't really know---Where he came from? Well, that's a tale and a half I think should wait 'till later. Of course, I know I can trust him," Spike scoffed.

"What the hell are you doing telling some shady business partner of yours all about Connor?" Faith demanded, "I swear sometimes you are so thick!"

"Ow!" he grumbled after she smacked his bleached blond head.

"You are both really brassing me off. There's a surprise. I don't trust the wrong people. Everyone I trust is a friend. If you want the hero who trusts the wrong people you'll have to talk to the other vampire with—Hey!" Spike snapped as Faith grabbed the phone.

"Hello, Spike's friend," Faith said in her best throaty voice, "You're not evil, are you? I know you're a chick, since he called you 'love.' Unless Spike has a little surprise for me. What are you wearing?"

Spike grabbed the phone away quickly and easily and pinned her down.

"Now someone's in a world of trouble," Spike said in mock snippiness.

Faith laughed and shrieked out obscenities as his hand came down on her ass. She wiggled her best wiggle knowing that the muscled one-armed grip around her middle would only get tighter.

"Where are you going? I'm not done talking to you. Anyway, you can just stay right where you are for now," Spike said.

It took a second for Faith to realize he was talking to the phone and not her, as his grip on her went slack and she was free, or encouraged, to go. Faith thought that he'd have hung up on whoever it was by now.

"Are you sure I was underestimating your intelligence?" she asked as she sat up on his lap, "You stopped me from flirting with your little phone friend. You could have had your first three-way since your soulless days."

Faith put her tongue in Spike's ear. He pushed her gently away.

"I don't think it will matter to everyone as much as you think," Spike said to the phone all seriously.

"Fine," Faith whispered, "I can take a hint after a boot to the head. I'm outta here."

Faith went to rise, but he wouldn't permit it. He pulled her closer to him.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Spike scoffed into the phone.

Faith couldn't see his face as she now relaxed on his shoulder, but she knew he was rolling his eyes.

"I think everyone will understand in the end, that is what I meant. Besides, it seems like you'd rather die than leave where you are since you are suddenly dying to hang up on me, so go," he sighed.

Spike sighed again and put down his phone.

"So you have secret girlfriends? I knew you had to be getting laid more than you let on. Why didn't you ever tell me? I'd have been happy for you. A little less than thrilled now," Faith said.

Faith was an idiot and she knew it. This was the part where she was hoping he would say that he just told the other girl they had to stop, because he and Faith were no longer just friends. But how could Faith ever believe him since he hid the truth in the first place? She couldn't leave his lap with the grip he had on her hip.

"I have no secrets from you. Not girlfriends or secret girls who are my friend. She is my friend and you know her. She is just a bit shy right now, going through a bit of trouble and wanted to talk to me is all," he said as his hands traveled up her back.

She caressed his face. Ever since Faith could touch Spike without him bursting into flames it was like she desperately had to do it. It was true that she desperately wanted to touch him when he would have burst into flames for it. It was so wrong. If Faith had given into that desire she would have killed Spike, so she had fought it. Now he was alive, and the fire that wanted to burn him all up was gone, but there was a new one.

"Dawn? Is it Dawn?" Faith smiled, "I heard she was having a rough time lately. I'm glad she's letting you in again."

"So it really decided to rain here in Santa Monica. It never does that," he said. "You know what that means?"

"We should enjoy it and go under the sky light to watch it," she said taking his hand and getting up.

"Well, yes," he said, "Watch it get all wet... Feel it come down."

He worked his hand between her legs, and she instantly shut her eyes while she gripped his shoulders. Yeah, his hands could cause instant flash floods between her legs. He should have a danger sign on them, or it should be on her, but that wasn't fair. Spike caused it. No, they were both dangerous. Spike took his hand away to pull her face to his and kiss her.

"It means big things are coming, when the world does things it's not supposed to," he said.

"What?" she asked as her eyes flew open.

Was this wrong? Was she not supposed to do this or feel this way? Faith knew there were reasons why being with Spike wasn't the best idea. But she couldn't even name what or who they were right now if there was a sudden pop quiz. It just felt so right. It was true that other things had felt right before, but not like this. Come to think of it the other things that felt right really felt wrong compared to this.

"Rain in the desert, especially in a wonky desert like LA," he said, "Usually means big things are coming."

"Right," she drawled, "and I think I know what it is."

"You do?" he asked earnestly, "You mean you know about--- What do you know? Did you have a prophetic Slayer dream?"

"I keep having to tell you I'm not a Slayer anymore, princess, and even when I was I didn't have the dreams. I just have really weird dreams, if I'm lucky, if I'm not they can get pretty hairy," she pushed off a chill and walked him backwards out of the guest room.

"And I keep having to tell you, once a Slayer always a Slayer. So what if you are minus the muscle, you think that's all a Slayer is supposed to be?"

"Kind of, yeah," she said, "I think you just have a kink about wanting to fuck one. Whatever you need to believe. Even if I can't throw you across the room, I know I still have mad skillz or else you'd be out the door already."

"You have a mad head is more like it. I told you," he said as he pushed her down roughly on to the bed, so that she let out a grunt.

He held her wrists together in one of his delicate looking super vice-grip hands. He ran his hand down her stomach until he got to the slash scar and stroked it.

"The reason I fall in love with the chosen Slayers is because the powers that chose them have very good taste, similar to mine. They just don't go picking any silly bint, you know. They pick the best girl in all the world, the one who has the most power and brains on her own, so she can take what they have to give."

Spike sucked at her bite scar and stroked the slash scar on her stomach. Then his hand would trade places with his lips, slowly and sometimes roughly finding their way back to either scar. Sometimes his hand or his lips would get lost between her legs or at her tits, but one thing was always at one of Faith's scars, if not both.

"Spike, niiig," she said breathily as her body shook.

Faith was trying to say "no" or "wait" or something and totally blowing it. Instead she got out whatever it was she just said. Spike didn't know what he was messing with and Faith wasn't sure either. She was in free fall and it felt like he was pulling a rip cord inside her body, and the parachute had opened up between her two scars or inside them. Faith didn't think she could get beyond the screaming noise he made her make. That had been something new. Faith had already given it a name, she called it her "slasher movie girl wail," and Spike totally approved. Now this was one up on that. What she felt was beyond what she could express in sound. Release. Release. Release. Faith didn't know that she could just keep letting go like that. That was why he should stop—had to stop. She felt so fucking good all the shit in her had to be going somewhere. She was sure she was going to set Spike on fire again, because the opposite feeling of this had to be being burned alive.

"Stop, stop. Don't want you on fire," she managed to whisper in a moment that he released both of her scars.

He let go of her wrists, and she instantly wrapped her arms around him, and rolled him over. He was so strong it was ridiculous, but he always rolled right over when she pushed for it. Faith rode the hell out of him and the slasher movie girl wail came out more often then not. It actually seemed to be a constant, like some girl was being slowly taken apart piece by piece, but it felt like quite the opposite. It was really Spike that Faith felt sorry for. It was true she didn't have the strength of a Slayer anymore, but she couldn't remember riding someone so hard when she did. When she could think she didn't know how a man could be so rock hard and still with her. How could he not want to explode? When she thought about this it only made her explode all over again time after time, and when it was done he was still there for more, and then that only made her do it more. She thought it was a never ending cycle. Then Faith could see in Spike's eyes the joy he was having from not exploding. It was all in the thrill of the chase and not the catch for him, or maybe knowing that when he caught it, it would be better the longer he waited.

They were like those weird shaped blocks they used in that test to see how stupid you were, if you put one on top of the other and twisted one just right they fit perfect. She told him that she wanted him inside her every second of every hour of every day. She told him no one had gotten so deep inside her. He went the deepest, she said. She didn't know how clearly she was saying it, or if she was just grunting out noises like before. It didn't matter, and then he let go. A huge rush. A release that made Faith want to just live and die because this was what it was all about and it was happening at this very moment and then it would be over.

He was actually speechless. Faith wanted to make a joke about it, but so was she. She loved rising and falling as she lay on his chest. A good screw made him pant like any other man, not that he was like any other man. She wanted to joke:_ So much for not needing to breathe, b_ut anything anybody said or thought would just ruin this. Time itself moving forward would ruin it.

"I love you, Faith," he said.

Okay, maybe that didn't ruin it.

"See," she said, "I told you I knew the next big thing that was coming."

Spike laughed. Faith could tell it was from deep within from the way she heard it in his chest and the way his whole gut moved. That was the other thing she could do—make him laugh, besides make him listen and save his life, and now she could fuck his brains out. Not bad. Maybe she really did have mad skills. She could feel her eyelids grow heavy as he rubbed her head and her back. She could hear his hands rub by her ears and still hear the rain.

"Mmm, yes, sleep, love," he said like she had just had a brilliant idea.

It did seem like a pretty good one, actually.

"Wow, okay maybe coming here was a pretty good idea," Robin said, "This is Angel's company. I gotta say, I'm impressed."

Robin said as he made himself stand tall as some suits walked by. Alistair told Robin that Wesley Windom Pryce had suddenly decided he didn't want to be part of the New Council. Alistair was here to convince him otherwise. Robin wanted the guy on their side too even if he was working for a formerly evil corporation, so he came along. This was a very different environment than being around kids all day. One he might be able to get used to, but no. This company was no good just like much of corporate life. On the whole it wasn't making the world a better place, and despite his recent apathy, Robin knew he still wanted to do that.

"Too bad it's all financed by evil," Robin sighed in a low voice to Alistair.

Robin wanted to make sure Alistair knew he hadn't forgotten. He was going to have his eye on things and if the slightest thing happened he didn't like, he was out.

"We aren't evil," a round faced woman with long golden hair snipped.

"The Los Angeles branch of Wolfram and Hart is strictly for the good," she said.

"Um..." was all Robin said to her, but he said it haughtily and gave the woman a principal's glare.

"Sorry, I can't help it. Vampire hearing. It comes in handy when people are saying bad things about you," she said.

"You're a vampire," Robin felt his eyes widen, "but I thought there were only the two of them...with the souls. Not that it matters."

It didn't matter. This woman kind of looked like Barbie. Faith and Robin used to joke that the souled vamps were like Ken dolls- one a business man, the other a punk. Maybe they were all just little dolls. Stereotypes of humans, since they were not human. Now Faith had taken off to fuck the punk rocker Ken doll. If punk guys lived the stereotype they were no good. If only Spike was nothing more than the unemployed punk that would be great. But he had power, he needed to be stopped.

"Oh, I don't have a soul," the Barbie woman laughed.

"You don't have a soul, and you're a vampire who has a job working here at this place, which you say isn't evil?"

"I don't drink human blood. We have random tests every day, and if anyone tests positive they are automatically fired and then it's looked into. If they are found to be killing people, then sfffft," she made a cutting motion across her neck.

"And this happens a lot?" Robin asked with a raised brow.

"I guess I shouldn't really be talking about it," the girl said, suddenly anxious, "Why don't I just take you to Wes's office myself."

Robin found he was now following the curvy blonde vampire as she was chatting away with Alistair. She was talking about cyborgs and Wes's father. Robin found he wasn't really listening. He was thinking more about all the things that were troubling him lately. He was more than tired of watching Spike and Faith in that god damned house. Robin didn't know what he hated more—when he was forced to watch them fuck like animals or when they talked. Well, no, he knew which he hated more. Spike had done something to Faith. That prophecy said Spike would turn Faith into something else, something bad, and he had. Robin didn't recognize the woman that Spike was with. She seemed to exist only to screw the vampire. To Robin's horror, Faith even told the runt that was all she wanted to do with herself--fuck him. She would talk about giving up her Slayer strength for Spike's life like it was some kind of joke. When Faith was with Robin being a Slayer was all she cared about. Why would she be happy to be powerless with Spike unless he had done something to her? And Robin couldn't even bare to think about what she had said to Spike during sex, so he didn't. But, Robin kept watching because he wanted—needed-- to understand what the vampire was doing to her. He needed to know so he could stop it.

He wanted to stop all the demons, or at least do all that was possible to control them. He had it with all this picking your battles bullshit. Robin just wanted one thing—justice—for his mother and everyone like her. Justice for the people who couldn't go on with their lives while the others who did things to them had. A devil-looking demon in Dockers passed Robin, so did some kind of demon with a big pale bald head. He had some kind of mini-me on a leash. Alistair and the girl didn't even notice, as he seemed to be enjoying talking to the blonde vampire.

"Here's Wes's office. Not here as usual. He's probably off contemplating this whole thing, ever since that thing with his Dad, well, not his Dad...He'll pop up," the Barbie Vampire sighed.

Someone sprang up from the big desk and dropped a huge pile of books on it with a loud thud. Robin jumped and his hands balled into fists. There were a lot of demons and bad vibes around here.

"Oh, sorry," her sweet voice said, "I didn't mean to jump out at ya. I'm just having trouble lugging heavy things around these days with the one arm on sabbatical."

It was a girl with long honey brown hair, with her arm in a sling. She was adorable. She had a little perky face and he missed big brown eyes looking sheepishly at him like that. There was softness to her that Faith didn't have. Robin was sure she wasn't a vampire or a demon.

"No, I'm sorry," Robin cleared his throat, "You just weren't at all what I was expecting."

"Yeah," she chuckled, "Don't mind me. Wesley and I have a lot of common interests, so I'm always messin' with his stuff and he's always messin' with mine."

For some reason this made the vampire girl snort.

"In a completely professional way of course. I'm Fred," she said holding out her hand that wasn't in the sling.

"Glad to hear it," Robin said, "I'm Robin."

"Oh!" she gasped excitedly as if he said he was Tae Diggs, "You- you are that principal from Sunnydale—Faith's boyfriend. Oh gosh. It's so great to meet you."

"Wow," he said, "Are Principals celebrities where you come from?"

"No," she said, "But from where you're from they should be, or at least you should be. Being in charge of a school that's over a Hellmouth can't be an easy day's work. I heard about it opening again. I'm really sorry, but from what Faith says about ya, I'm sure ya can handle it."

"You'd be surprised how much a high school doesn't change when there is a Hellmouth lurking under it," he said, "You know Faith? She talked about me?"

"Of course," Fred said, "I saw her just a few days ago after we got her out of the ocean. I hear she's doing much better. She wasn't too happy that day. She thought I let Spike die, and it was just a big ol' mess. Oh! You must have been out of your mind. Her tryin' to die like that in order to let Spike live even though he wanted to die for her. If I was you I probably would just wish Faith would stop bein' such a hero, but I'm selfish like that..."

Robin saw Fred looking past him and turned and saw Wesley Wyndom-Pryce coming into the office.

"...when I love somebody," she finished.

"Angel wanted you to know that he's going straight to Italy after he drops his kid in Santa Monica. There's something going on there. Some werewolf hunting-eating thing. I told him what you said about The Immortal being able to handle it, but he just made that face. You know that face?" the Barbie vamp asked like she really wanted an answer.

"Yes, Harmony," Wesley sighed, but he then looked at something and smiled. Fred.

"So while Angel's away you're the boss, boss," the vampire Barbie was still talking.

"Terrific. Just what I needed," Wesley said flatly.

Wesley looked much less beat up than the last time Robin saw him. He still looked tired and scruffy though. Robin didn't blame him. He wouldn't want to be in charge of this freak show no matter what it paid.

"Mr. Crowley," Wesley said even more flatly, "As if I didn't know why you were here, and let me save you a lot of time. I'm not going to change my mind in rejoining The Council; in light of recent events I don't think it would be the wisest way for me to spend my time and resources."

He then said, "Oh, hello Mr. Wood," as he looked a little surprised to see Robin.

"Miss Kendall was just telling me all about those recent events. How ghastly. Imagine, thinking you had killed your own father. Although, I guess it depends on who your father is. But, I am sorry, Wesley," Alistair said before Robin could respond to Wes.

"It's Mr. Wyndom-Pryce. Why don't we go into the conference room to talk?" Wesley said to Alistair in that pleasant but obviously furious English way Robin grew up with.

Wesley quickly left his office and Alistair followed with a grin.

"Way to introduce us, Wes," Fred muttered.

"Don't worry. That's just my gramps—adopted obviously, but I don't know what's going on either. Who's Miss Kendall? And he didn't just say Wesley killed his own Father," Robin sighed.

He knew he should probably be in there with Alistair, putting the pressure on Wes to come into the Counsel, but Robin didn't understand why Alistair wanted him so badly. He probably was excited about the idea of access to this company. Robin could gladly live without them, but maybe not everything in this company was bad. Fred smiled at him.

"Hello! I'm Miss Kendall, and I told you Wes shot a cyborg that was disguised as his Dad," the vampire huffed, "You're the new Principal of Sunnydale High, and the Slayers boyfriend? You're not going to last very long there if you can't pay attention, no matter how hot and built you are."

"Harmony!" Fred warned the vampire gently.

"No," Robin laughed despite himself, "Maybe she's right. Maybe we should just leave Sunnydale to the vampires, since they get all the good stuff that goes with it."

"Vampires got a hold of that new outlet mall? Finally free pratta!" the vampire said.

"Well," Robin said, "that would explain why a lot of the students go there for lunch and never come back. But, I was talking about Faith; she's with Spike now. Maybe it is about how hot and strapping you are, but it's also about how much you like to fight, even if it's pointless."

He wasn't looking at the vampire at all, but straight into the eyes of Fred.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know, but I know you can't think the fight is pointless or you wouldn't be here, doing what ever it is your doing. What are you doing?" she said.

This was a person that cared for good people, and thought everyone should do the same. He felt a tug out of the numbness he had been feeling. When he started talking to Fred about what had happened with Faith it just felt so natural, like it was just the two of them in the room.

"Me?" Robin answered, "I'm not looking for a fight anymore. I'm looking for a way to end the fighting. I guess I never was much of a fighter. I always kept losing sight of the mission in favor of the people I cared about, and what did it get me? You were right I did want Faith to stop being the hero. Especially if it meant her trying to die for a vampire. Our relationship couldn't survive that, well that and the fact that she was a big meat eater, and I'm a vegetarian."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with that," Fred said.

"Oh, I don't have anything against eating meat. She just always was pressuring me to do it too. I guess now she's with a real carnivore," Robin said.

"I meant looking for ways to end the fight," Fred laughed, "and of putting the people you love ahead of everything else. I think that's why we have to keep fighting though, for the people we love, for a better world. Sometimes the people we love have their own battles to fight, and we can't do it for 'em. Risking her life for the Champion Vampires is what Faith does."

"No, it's not right!" The Barbie vampire suddenly yelled as she knocked over some books, "Why does Spike have to be a Slayer Whore Loving Freak?"

"Harmony," Fred said, "Maybe you should go to lunch now."

"No, I think she's right for the most part. I mean when has a vampire being with a Slayer ever done anything but cause grief? Why should a Slayer ever die for a vampire?" Robin asked.

"Well, I don't know, but it seemed like that was what Faith wanted. She was willing to die to save Spike and Angel, and only Spike or Angel had a right to stop her from doing it," Fred said.

Before Robin could argue the vampire was talking again.

"Well, that's a Slayers job, right? Angel and Spike don't have to be all good; they just want to. But, a Slayer has to do it. They got called or something, and throwing themselves to the lambs is—like—what they have to do. I mean, why can't they just do their job? Why do Slayers have to hook up with vampires and ruin every thing?" the vampire said.

"Um, sorry, throwing themselves to the lambs?" Fred asked.

"Yeah, ya know. Dying for the good of the world. Isn't that what all the Slayers are supposed to do?" she asked.

"No!" Robin said firmly, "There job is to kill vampires, and it's the vampire's job to die. That was what was supposed to happen. Spike was supposed to die for Faith, not the other way around, and that's why I'm here."

"You're here to hurt Blondie Bear!" the vampire shrieked, "Well, I don't care if he is with that butch Slayer whore. I won't let you."

All of a sudden she was in front of Robin, and she was a vampire indeed. Her placid round face turned into a demon's.

"Harmony quit it," Fred said calmly as she had worked her way in between Robin and the vampire with surprising speed, "I'm sure Robin isn't here to hurt anyone."

"No," Robin said as he felt his breathing slow down. He was pretty sure if Fred hadn't stepped between them, Robin would have been able to grab the stake in his jacket pocket and get this vampire.

"I'm not here to hurt anyone," he said, "At least not things that don't deserve it, like animals. Did she just say she wasn't going to let me hurt a bear?"

"She means Spike. Apparently, they dated once," Fred said as she had a hold on the vampire's arm.

"I had him before any of the Slayers. I tried to help him get the chip out of his head. I gave him everything he wanted. It's not fair. I know I have to be a better girlfriend than that slut-bomb uber-dyke one," the vampire sniffed.

Robin had never seen one cry before.

"Hey! You're talking about the woman who was my girlfriend two weeks ago," Robin said less firmly than he would have liked.

"Not to mention a woman that helped saved the world," Fred said.

"Has anyone not dated Spike by the way?" Robin smiled sadly.

"Well, I haven't," Fred said.

"Thank God," he sighed.

"I don't care what that ho' did for the world she--- "the vampire began angrily and then stopped herself, "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess she was just your girlfriend, and I don't really know her. She couldn't be so bad dating hotties like you and Spikey. How long were you together? Do you think she'll be good to him? I heard Buffy might as well ripped out his heart and stepped on it. She won't do that will she? Well, I guess she kind of did that to you, didn't she? I mean it sounds like she left you for Spike. Do you think she'll hurt him?"

"We can all hope," he said, "Fred, it was a pleasure meeting you. I think I'm going to go to the room where the grown ups are talking about ending the fight. You should join us."

"I'd love to, but I'm in the middle of trying to find a way to cure a mystical flesh eating virus. Things like that don't stop unless you fight 'em," she said.

"Maybe someday you can stop them all," he said.

"No," she shook her head, "viruses always mutate, but I'll show you to the conference room."

Robin was disappointed when Fred showed him to Wes's office only to leave quickly, but he supposed that she had to go fight her mutating viruses. Wesley made it clear with his face that no one was to say a word in Fred's presence. Maybe she wouldn't understand all that they planned to do to really end the fight. Maybe she was like Faith in her own way. Maybe she too was young and naïve and thought their way was the only way. In the end Robin was just relieved to get away from that idiot blathering vampire that Fred tolerated. It would be good to sit down with some adults.

"You, sir, are a coward!" Alistair said smugly to Wes as soon as Fred was out of earshot.

"I thought I asked you to leave," Wes said.

He had a really impressive look of repressed fury on his face. Robin remembered how Alistair could get you that mad.

"Really, and I thought you were different from your father," Alistair went on, "It seemed like you were a man who knew what needed to be done, when you thought you killed him not a week ago. But no, you are just like him, all bluster but by the book."

"Really?" Wes questioned, "Because I don't think torturing one of the most powerful warlocks until I find out how he knows what happened here not a week ago is by the book."

Alistair only smiled at Wes, like this was an empty threat. Robin wasn't too sure if it was, or if it wasn't how he felt about it. Robin knew Alistair was a nosey old coot, who liked to use other people's personal issues to manipulate them. He knew that Alistair had done just that to him to get him back into the mission, and even at 34, Robin was Alistair's second chance to attempt to have some kind of a lineage, and a way for Alistair to get back at his own son. Robin wasn't a fool. He knew what the old man was up to, but this time he was right in what he wanted to accomplish.

"Wesley, I know Alistair doesn't have the best history, with the cult and the attempt to take over the world but—, "Robin began.

"Attempts," Wesley said plainly, "Your former guardian has been around for a very long time. Some say he must be using some black magic in order to still be alive, but I'm not one to take stock in rumor. What I know for certain is that his idea with what to do with the New Counsel in not one I want to be part of."

"Okay," Robin sighed, "Number one he was never my guardian, Bernard was and number two why wouldn't you want to at least try to make soldiers out of demons. That way they can fight the mission for you. They can all kill each other and stop killing us, or are you happier making them your office workers so you can fight the mission in a great big office? You are in danger of losing people everyday—people like Fred, when you can easily have that bimbo vampire die in her place. I lost all my people, my women."

"Bernard Crowley, yes. He must've been a wonderful guardian," Wes seemed to relax and get an almost dopey smile, "He was my incantation professor. He always had the best jokes and when the other students tormented me he— Never mind."

Suddenly he stopped himself from talking and he seemed to snap quickly back into the composed man Robin knew.

"Yeah, Bernard and Celia are terrific. I couldn't have asked for anyone to protect me from this world who would have been better—accept my mother. But, I'm not a scared kid anymore that wants to read about Slayers dying in books, and neither are you,  
" Robin said.

"Bernard Crowley is your son. I always seem to forget. Well, it is not as if you are alike," Wesley finished stiffly to Alistair as he seemed to ignore Robin.

"No, we're not," Alistair smiled, "He has gone the way of ineffectual, much of how you were as a Watcher, if I'm not correct."

Robin felt his nose twitch with anger as he sucked in his breath. That wasn't fair to say about Bernard, or true, even though Bernard had really wanted to walk away after Robin's mother died. Wesley rose as if he was about to hit Alistair.

"Okay," Robin sighed, "Everyone just relax, and let's just stick to the issue at hand. I think we all want the same thing—to control the demons. God! How you were ever a cult leader, I'll never know, Pops. You're about as charming as a snake."

"Oh, I think a lot have people have been charmed by snakes. Look at all the Slayers you've known, but unlike those forbidden fruit offering slitherers I'm offering you all to be a part of something where the world can benefit. My son, Mr. Windom Pryce, doesn't want to be apart of it because of old grievances. I'd like to think that you are above that," Alistair said.

"I don't understand, Crowley," Wesley looked at him with narrowed eyes, "You told me that you have the majority of the surviving Counsel on your side for this. What do you need from me?... You don't need me at all, do you? You need Fred! You want the resources of Wolfram and Hart's science department to create the technology to control the demons."

"My, my, my," Alistair laughed, "Aren't we preoccupied? I'm sure your girl is lovely. One of the best, but I'm afraid I already have the best girl for the whole gadget Robby the robot part of the job. She comes from a long line of—enthusiastic inventors. I've been watching Wolfram and Hart's departments since before you were born, and they, and your best girl, are wonderful at maintaining what they want—be it good or evil, if you want to go on about semantics. Where you lack is in your desire to create something new for yourselves."

"Then, I need you to help me to understand," Wesley said, "Why exactly are you here if you don't need Wolfram and Hart's resources?"

"Oh, dear boy," Alistair sighed, "I thought it would be obvious. Your father must have really done a number on you. What I would like is you."

"Me?"

"One of the finest members the Counsel ever had; I've also been watching you for a while. You do what needs to be done in a way the Counsel never could, so what if being a Watcher wasn't your forte? The New Counsel needs rogue thinkers like you. You brought out Angelus when he was of use to you. You took the child of the two vampires in order to protect him even though it was a great risk to you," Alistair said.

"I—I don't...How do you know of that reality? Angel had it erased," Wesley demanded.

He almost looked afraid for a second, but then he just looked angry. Faith had told Robin all about how Wes had kidnapped the kid and put him in some place where time moved different, and that was why he was all grown up and pissed off like he was. Angel did some magic to try to give the kid a good life, and the price was he had to be forgotten. Robin didn't know why Wesley seemed surprised Alistair knew about this. It seems like the spell hadn't worked. The kid only seemed happy around Faith, and he was making sure no one forgot him by being Spike's pain in the ass side kick.

"I'm Alistair Crowley, son. No one can choose what reality to reveal to me, and they shouldn't be able to do it to you either. I don't understand why your superior would hide your decision from you, especially since the boy seems to have been better off because of it. Maybe it's time that you made some of your own decisions again, and this time you could be the one to hide the reality from your vampire superior," Alistair said.

"Spike," Wesley seemed to come to a realization, and was pleased with himself.

"The New Counsel wants to put the chip back in Spike's head and they need me to do it, because I'm the only one that can hide it from Angel. They know Angel would stop it when all was said and done. But, why are they so interested in putting the chip back in Spike's head?"

"What?" Robin demanded, "That's not why we need you. Angel trusts Spike as much as I do. Why would he stop us from putting the chip back in Spike's head?"

"Perhaps the real question should be: why aren't you interested in putting a chip in the head of that ruffian?" Alistair asked Wes, "He and that vampire child nearly crippled you with that beating. I think you were right to take that boy away. Vampires in his clan seem to make him dangerous and violent. But, after the chip was back in Spike he could never be dangerous again. He wouldn't be able to beat on any human ever again unless he was ordered to because it is for the greater good."

"All right!" Wesley said fiercely, "Now I demand to know how it is you know about the encounter I had with Spike and Angel's son."

"Encounter with Spike and Angel's son? Do I want to know about this?" Robin asked gently. Then he realized it all almost instantly:

"Spike and Connor were the ones that beat on you that time when you were walking around with the cane and the various shades of purple for your face! Why? Oh, it was over Faith, wasn't it?"

Robin knew he was often the last to get wind of all the different realities in this world, but no matter how different they were they all were basically the same. The demons couldn't be trusted.

"How did you know, Crowley?" Wesley demanded of Alistair.

"Don't be a dimwit, Pryce. You were discussing the idea of putting the chip back in William's head after he beat you to a pulp with the Mick brat," Alistair actually seemed to lose patients for a moment.

"I didn't even discuss that with my closest friends. The only people I discussed the possibility of that with was—"

"You're friends in the Yank government. Do you really think you're the only Englishman they sit down to tea with? I hate to tell you, but they seemed to be charmed by the lot of us. The more public branches may have The Prime Minister in their pocket, but you know we have it all over them when it comes to controlling demons. There not to blame really. Such a young country," Alistair was smiling again.

"And just like Angel's son, the young are dangerous when they get into the wrong hands," Wesley said flatly.

"Exactly!" Alistair beamed, "So, here is our chance to have it all be in the right hands."

"Why do I highly doubt that? Tell me Crowley, why are you so interested in Spike? Why now? Why this way? Why not just destroy him with magic? And if you are as redeemed as you say, why are you doing it now after he has become a Champion? "

"Will people stop using that word? You of all people know that Spike is no angel. You of all people should be interested in helping us before he hurts Faith again," Robin said.

"You're right. Spike is nothing like Angel. He's crude, and reckless, and I have to say when I heard that he and Faith were having a liaison at a summer house where I once had my own...Well, let's just say I lost my apatite. I have no doubt that Faith has made a bad choice in choosing Spike over a real man like you, but I fail to see where putting a chip into his head---" Wesley began.

"It isn't about that. That isn't even what happened. I don't think you understand what this is all about—"

"And I don't think you do either, Mr. Wood. I know that you and Alistair are like—well you're essentially family, and I do know it's difficult to admit when your family may not have your best interest at heart, but I know what men like Alistair are like, and this isn't adding up. He has other motivations."

"Don't you think I know that?" Wood found he was yelling at a man he didn't know very well, "He wants to be the King of the Counsel. Rule it how he sees fit. Maybe it's just like how your vampire boss wanted to be in charge of this place. I don't care. It's not about me wanting Faith for myself. I just want her safe, because that's what's right. But it goes way beyond Spike and even Faith. I want justice. I want it for everyone, for good, forever. I want no more women dying or being forced into being death's whore. I want no more motherless children with fathers who are just soldiers that know how to just chip at an ever growing virus of evil. What do you want to get out of working here? Please tell me it's more than wanting Fred for yourself. Because if that's all you want and then you get it, one day you'll probably just be nothing more than a lonely soldier in this mission. But at least you'll have this fancy office."

"I do want her; I don't think I'll ever have her," Wesley surprised Robin by answering him, "So, it has to be about something else for me—sometimes I don't even remember what my other reasons are. But, I know I want to make a better world for her to live in, and I don't think that involves controlling a vampire with a soul," Wesley said firmly.

"Very well, then. Be happy with one controlling you," Alistair said.

"Good one, pops," Robin said to Alistair as they were walking out of Wolfram & Hart.

Alistair was always great at getting the last word, even if it wasn't quite true.

"The Council can get to Spike without Wes's help though? Right? You were just saying that to get Wes to join us, right? I mean, why wouldn't Angel be happy that we stopped Spike from hurting people?" Robin asked Alistair in the elevator.

"Blood is thicker than humanity, Robin," Alistair said.

"What?" Robin said, "You're saying because they are both vampires with souls that Angel won't let it happen. I don't agree. I think he puts up with Spike because Angel is a good guy, and knows Spike has done some good, that doesn't mean he doesn't want to stop him from screwing everything up, with his kid, with Faith. I've seen him throw the little shit across a room."

"Maybe so, but as much as family hurt each other they get a little touchy when outsiders come in and try it. Remember when the Council came to get me and Bernard helped me escape. My boy, better at running than confronting," Alistair smiled nostalgically.

"Bernard didn't run, well at least not that time. He whipped their asses with that spell. It was pretty cool how he had them all remembering you as dying in the forties for a while. But, Angel, Spike just because they are both souled vampires doesn't make them family," Robin said.

"No, it doesn't," Alistair smiled, "What makes them family is the same thing that makes us family. Angel is Spike's Grand-Sire. You do realize Angel had his soulless days to? Angel essentially created Spike. He taught Spike everything about the unseemly parts of life, more than his Sire ever did."

"Why am I the last person to know everything?" Robin said in a low, but fierce voice, "So, that's it. We can get a hold of other demons, but we're not getting Spike."

"Patients, son, patients," Alistair said, "I thought that Spike wasn't your main reason for doing this. I thought you had noble reasons, unlike my shameful ones, you were so ready to agree with Pryce about."

"I do have noble reasons," Robin insisted, "Stopping Spike is just part of them."

"It looks like you'll have to put that ambition on hold," Alistair said "But, every reality starts with dreaming."

"Good job, Kitten," Daddy said.

Yeah! She had fired two arrows in the heart of the paper target vampires. She did it twice in a row. Her half sister could never do that. She wasn't special like Kennedy, even if Daddy had just come back from seeing her. Kennedy was sure they didn't do fun stuff like this.

"Do you love me the best, Daddy?" she asked as she ran to him.

She made sure she unloaded and put down the cross-bow before she did it.

A sharp shooter only shoots sharp with safety.

"You know I do," he said.

He held her to him with one arm, like she was learning to hold the crossbow. Ha! He said it. He loved her best and not Trista. She was the best.

"One girl in all the world, right Daddy?" she said.

She wasn't really sure what this meant. Those old Council men that talked to Daddy said it about Kennedy or something, and Daddy seemed to like it.

"Right, Kitten. That might be you one day. So, you have to be the best. I know you can do it," he sighed happily.

"I AM the best, you said," Kennedy said as she smacked his black T-shirt.

"You are my best girl," he said.

Her and Daddy were going some where. Kennedy recognized where they were going. It wasn't so much that she remembered the tiny brick building that Mommy spent so much time in that was so much smaller than the house. It was the broken ladies that were outside the building. They were all lined up to see Mommy. They were waiting for her. Some of them had black eyes and scratches and some of them looked like the Barbie dolls that Kennedy pulled apart. They were holding their plaster arms or legs as they waited.

When you are injured you must assess the damage as quickly as possible and decide whether it is better to retreat or keep fighting.

"One day I'll get Mom to love me the best. She will love me more than any of those girls that get beat up, those sissy girls," Kennedy sighed as they past the line of girls waiting for Mommy.

Daddy put Kennedy down inside Mommy's job place. Kennedy saw Mommy's office door. It was closed. If Kennedy looked up high she knew she would see that sign that said: "In S-E-S-S-I-O-N" which meant that Mommy didn't want to see her. If she looked straight ahead all she could see was the door knob. She put both of her hands on it and turned it.

"Kitten," Daddy said, "You know you can't go in there. You have to wait."

Kennedy could tell Daddy didn't really mean it. He really wanted to see Mommy too.

Timing is everything in a battle strategy. Attacking your opponent when they least expect it helps ensure victory.

A blond girl was crying in Mommy's office. Something was wrong. There was a man there, and he was yelling. He shouldn't be there. Mommy didn't see men in her office. She only saw women who were trying to get away from bad men. Mommy's office was even in a secret place that wasn't listed in the phone book so the men couldn't find it. The Council in England was like that too. Kennedy's Mommy took her hand even though Kennedy shouldn't be there like the yelling man. Mommy was scared. Scared like the blond girl. The yelling man had something Kennedy recognized. A bowie knife.

"Run, Kennedy, run!" Mommy whispered and Kennedy did run.

She knew what to do.

When disarming an opponent with a knife you must get control of their hand. Then use your body weight to DRIVE the blade of the knife to the ground. Keep control of your opponents hand and wrist and keep the knife pinned to the ground. Bite his arm, thrust your head back into their face, but keep control of the knife. Then you are free to use the knife against your opponent.

The man was gone. Kennedy wasn't sure where he went. She just saw Mommy yelling at Daddy.

"You have taught her just to be like the patriarchy. You've taught her to be just like men...all you do is solve things with violence. All she is is an instrument of all the war and oppression you breed!"

"Don't give me that crap. We can't change who she is and we have to get her ready for what she could become," Daddy said.

"You mean what she _is_. You've made my daughter into a murderer!" Mommy said.

Kennedy saw something rising out of the floor. Monsters! Horrible ugly monsters.

"Mommy. Daddy," Kennedy called, but they didn't hear.

They had pointy ears, and splotchy grey skin with scary wrinkly faces.

"She saved your life. We'll take care of this," Daddy said.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Kennedy yelped.

The monsters had no hair and horrible sharp teeth. There were three of them coming out of the floor.

"Yes, cover it all up with your money! I swear, once a fascist always a fascist," Mommy didn't see.

"My money bought this place!" Daddy didn't see.

Kennedy's parents were gone. She wasn't a little girl. These things weren't monsters. They were Turok Han; the first vampires. She knew what to do. Kill them. She just didn't know how. They began to advance on her, but she wasn't alone anymore. The Potentials were with her, but they were afraid.

Panic can be your biggest enemy. When in doubt go back to traditional strategy.

"All right, everyone," she said, "We know how to do this. Form a circle. Back to back."

She was doing her best, and girls were still dying. Donna. Oksana. Dead. She was not the best.

Then she saw the Turok Han turn to dust. She had been here before. Seen this movie. There was going to be another blond girl standing there when the smoke cleared. Didn't blondes always star in these things? Only it wasn't the blond girl. It was a brunette and instead of giving Kennedy a bitchy look she smiled at her.

"Faith!" Kennedy gasped in surprise.

"There's a new Sheriff in town," Faith smiled wickedly.

"But this isn't how it happens. This is never how it happens," Kennedy told her.

"You're the one that put me in charge, and now you don't like it?" Faith demanded.

"No, I like it. I like it a lot. So, I changed things? I made things happen? I'm the best for you," Kennedy smiled.

Faith frowned that severe frown she had all of a sudden. She was looking at an approaching figure. It was Spike. He had a limp form in his arms. It was a blond. It was Buffy Summers.

"Oh God!" Faith gasped as all of her attention was on Buffy's body.

"I think the both of us are in trouble, Kitten," Spike said simply.

"I didn't do it. It wasn't me. It wasn't me," Kennedy insisted.

"Not with this. It's Red. She's bein' like me. Hiding things," Spike said.

Before Kennedy could ask what Willow and Spike were hiding, Kennedy saw her girl come bounding down into the basement where they all stood. Kennedy smiled when she saw her despite everything. She didn't care if Red was hiding something, they'd work on it. Red wasn't smiling though. In fact her hair wasn't even red.

"Willow, your hair?" Kennedy questioned, "Are you going Goth? That's okay, but—"

"Get the hell out of my way!" Willow snapped with her completely darkened eyes.

She knocked Kennedy to the ground. Kennedy was filled with anguish. What had she done to deserve such treatment? Oh yeah. Buffy was dead... again. Kennedy was trying to think of what to say. She wasn't good at saying the right things about dead girls. Kennedy was better at trying to keep people alive. Well, she knew she couldn't be any worse than Buffy unless she said Buffy was an idiot who had it coming. That is all the comfort Buffy had given the potentials over the ones that didn't make it as far as Kennedy was concerned. Then Kennedy saw what Red was trying to do, and she knew just what to say.

"Red, you can't bring her back. It's too dangerous. You need to come back to me. I'm the one girl in all the world that can ground you," Kennedy said.

"There are some things I have to keep to myself. There are some things I have to do on my own," Willow looked at her with her empty black eyes.

"No!" Kennedy said, "You can't be without me. You need me!"

Kennedy woke up with a start

"What the fuck!" she demanded to her empty bed.

"What the fuck?" she said more softly.

Willow was gone. Kennedy had convinced her to sleep over even though Dawn was all depressed for a change. If Red had gone back to the Summer's house to check on an eighteen-year old girl who should be taking care of herself Kennedy was going to lose it.

"Red?" Kennedy called quietly.

Then she remembered Faith wasn't here. Kennedy found the quietness of her place eerie. Faith should be here snoring as her salvation army TV blasted "Mutant X" or something. That chick better get herself back here.

Faith had called twice. Her first call was cryptic and apologetic. Her second call was even more cryptic and ecstatic. Typical Faith. She thought she was some Mastermind. Any idiot could see what was going on. Not the part where Spike wasn't crazy or trying to burn some mystical fire into Faith. Kennedy wasn't quite sure how Spike had gotten over that. But Faith was no fool; she wouldn't let Spike near her if he was no good. What was obvious was that Spike and Faith were doing it, finally. Faith didn't want to come out and say it, like it would jinx it or something. She just told Kennedy that "amazing shit that you'd never in a million years guess" had happened. Yeah right. Maybe that whole Spike-is-going-to-burn-hell-into-me song and dance was really about Faith working out her guilt for the fact that she loved the Brit. Sometimes even Kennedy knew when to keep her mouth shut. She wouldn't call Faith on it, or how clueless she had been about it.

Faith not knowing what was going on in her own head never pissed Kennedy off. What did, was the fact that she had no idea what was going on in her girlfriend's head. Something was up. Everything had been going so well. Red was going to move into her house, and leave baby-sitting Dawn, leave the ghost of Buffy. Then something had happened. Yeah, Dawn was depressed and having bad dreams. What else was new? It had to be something else.

Kennedy found she was sneaking around her own house even though no one in it was sleeping. She could hear her girlfriend. She was talking to someone quietly. She didn't want Kennedy to wake up and hear. If it was Dawn with another dream Kennedy would lose it.

"I'm so happy," Red's voice shook as it whispered.

She didn't sound happy. She sounded desperate about something.

"Aren't you happy? I mean of course you aren't totally happy. This is hard, but I think it will all be worth it," Willow said.

They were kind words from a kind woman. They were words that gave Kennedy a sinking feeling, like the one she had when she first got word she had to travel to this town.

"You haven't lost any baking time. The timer is still on the same place in your oven, and it will go off when it's good and ready," Willow said more peacefully now.

Okay, now those were crazy-Willow-like words. Oddly, the lack of sense made Kennedy feel better.

"It doesn't matter that you've only had two and a half boyfriends...It's the quality not the quan... You didn't kill two of them, just one, and they always come back to life." Willow insisted downright cheerfully now.

Okay, what the fuck was going on here?

"Willow!" Kennedy made sure she said her name fully.

"Ah!" Willow jumped as if she were caught on the phone after the dorms had lights out.

"Kennedy," Willow gasped, "It's Kennedy."

Like her girl had to remind herself who Kennedy was.

"What are you doing, baby?" Willow asked.

"What am I doing?" Kennedy demanded, "What are you doing? It's 3 am! Is something wrong?"

Kennedy found she couldn't help it, her voice had softened. She felt ashamed for thinking that someone like Red was capable of doing anything other than the right thing. Maybe Kennedy had done something wrong.

"International call," Willow shrugged, like this explained everything.

"Um, okay, you," she said into the phone, "I should really go. But, I'll talk to you more about that thing at that time, okay?"

This all sounded fine and good. Willow and her cute little fairy-tale magic friends in England. But when Willow hung up the phone she looked like someone had just died. It was even worse when she looked at Kennedy and gave a plastic smile.

"Okay, I want to know the truth. You've been acting suspicious for days," Kennedy demanded, "3 am? Talking about boyfriends? Saying it will all be worth it? Did you meet some straight girl? Are you dating her behind my back?"

Willow looked guilty at first, but then she just looked like Kennedy had been the one on the phone talking about ovens at 3 am.

"Um, okay, I am kind of new to the scene. How does one date a straight girl? I don't think I would begin to know how to cheat on someone, let alone do it with a straight girl. How could you think that?" Willow asked earnestly.

"Well, what am I supposed to think?" Kennedy asked more softly, "You and I were doing great. You were finally going to live here, and now I get all this pushing away, and defensiveness, and you get weird phone calls at 3am and I hear you telling some girl it doesn't matter how many boyfriends she had because it will all work out."

"I'm not defensive, and I never said I was going to live here. Why do you keep insisting I said something I didn't say?" Willow snapped.

"What happened to us, Willow?" Kennedy asked in hurt.

"Okay, maybe I am a little defensive," Willow said and went to embrace Kennedy.

Kennedy wanted to fold her arms and pull away, but she found she was opening them.

"It's not what you think, okay?" Willow said, "It's not about us. It's got nothing to do with us."

"What is it then?" Kennedy demanded.

"I can't tell you, not yet, but it has nothing to do with you and me. So, don't worry," Willow pulled back from the hug to give Kennedy a reassuring smile.

"It has everything to do with us if you aren't telling me about it," Kennedy swallowed.

"No, it really doesn't. My life can get very complicated, and there are things I have to deal with on my own. It doesn't mean that you are not the best thing that's happened to me in a while. It doesn't mean I don't need you," Willow insisted.

She rubbed Kennedy's back and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Say more things like that," Kennedy smiled as she felt Willow's sweet perky lips on her face.

She let Willow back her out of the room. She had taken her straight girl call into Faith's room. The room with its punk boy posters, demon skulls, and strewn about black clothing wasn't really the place for her Goddess. Kennedy found she cared less about why Willow had gone in there and more about the fact that Willow was so happy to push Kennedy out of the room. This was a pushing out Kennedy could live with. Willow's lips and hands were everywhere. She was magic, a fairy tale, better than a dream.

Dawn's dream was always so vivid, even though it made no sense. Beyond vivid. More life-like than life so it went off into being post-surreal. Yeah, that was it, post-surreal. You had to know those "post" words to get into college and sound smart. Post-modernism, post-feminism, post traumatic stress. Especially if you took a year off because your school was destroyed in a huge earthquake, or at least that is what you told college interviewers. Why didn't you just go to school somewhere else? They always wanted to know. Dawn had thought about it. She wouldn't have even have had to go live with Dad in LA. Xander had this idea that they could move away to...Where was it? Eugene, Oregon. They hadn't of course. Sunnydale may have risen along with Spike, but it wasn't him that dragged it up

It was Dawn, in the dream. In her post-real post-sane dream she was the key. In her dreams she kept this place alive. Dawn saw things, understood things in this dream. She got all the truth and the lies. Dawn knew everything that happened and what would happen and why. It was like something Andrew would talk about, the force. Dawn could hear a million voices cry out, she could feel what they felt, see what they saw- or something like that. Totally freaky. She was powerful. The thing was, the funny thing (and so not ha-ha funny) was that as vivid as the dream was she could never remember when it was over, what it was that made it all make sense. She tried to write it down once as soon as she woke up. She would have sworn that she wrote it down and in the morning when she really woke up she would know the truth, know everything. Then, in the morning when she really woke up all that the paper said was: 32.

Of course she did remember some stuff, and of course what she remembered totally sucked, or at least almost totally. She remembered being this one person, or feeling what they felt or whatever. Whoever they were they were in a world of crap. There was this girl that looked like Glory's nerd sister. Her outfits weren't as slut-bomb, but she was still a fake blond that thought she was way prettier than she was. Plus she was into torture like Glory, only she was nerdier about it, taking notes and stuff. Actually, if Dawn was into torture notes might be handy. But Dawn always remembered being the one who was tortured.

Wasn't that always how stuff went for Dawn? Only Dawn didn't remember it as Dawn, she was this other person. They had a strength Dawn didn't. They didn't really care they were being tortured. It wasn't that they wanted to die; they wanted to live. They wanted to live so bad they "could taste it." But, they knew they wouldn't and it was okay.

Dawn never really felt that way. When she didn't get something she really wanted it was never okay. Dawn really wanted a car. She really wanted to get into a good school. She really really wanted her mother and sister back. She wouldn't get any of it and it wasn't okay. This person was strong. Maybe this was what it was like to be a champion. She was only getting a flavor of it like someone giving her a shot-gun off of a joint, but it was quite a rush. (Not that she ever did that shot-gun thing, Amanda did. She said it was a good way to flirt with guys.)

But the feeling didn't last. That was what made it all so terrifying. The fucking free fall after being so high. All that could be lost when you thought you had nothing to lose. The person in her dream got terrified and angry. So angry. They realize that nerd girl is going to do this to other people—people that they love more than life.

"She won't choose you. None of them ever did. You killed her. You killed all of them because that was always what you were, a thing that kills," the nerd blonde girl says.

That would be the worst part of the dream if Dawn didn't go on to remember the other part.

Turok Han. They are all around. Buffy. She is there and they are all around her. Then the Turok fall like they were playing ring around the rosey. They start getting up again. The only thing was that Buffy had fallen too, and she wasn't getting up.

"Oops," another girl says.

She looks like a total slut-bomb. Dawn remembers her from somewhere but doesn't know where. Dawn knows that somehow Buffy's death is this girls fault, her fault and not Dawn's, not this time.

Dawn then feels a rage that she has never felt before and she knows it's evil. Then Dawn wakes up. She doesn't scream anymore. She usually just watches TV after, but Willow still notices that she doesn't sleep. Will knows when Dawn has the "Buffy-dying" dream.

Dawn told everyone she doesn't remember the details of the dream; accept Amanda, who she told the truth. Sometimes she wished she hadn't. Amanda went on to analyze the dream. It was more than obvious that Dawn had feelings of guilt about her sister having to leave this dimension and blah blah. The thing was that Amanda was having dreams where Buffy was dying too. Dawn knew that had to mean that wherever her sister was she was in trouble, and Dawn couldn't do anything.

All she could do now was wake up and watch TV. She was glad Willow wasn't there to be worried or ask questions. She was glad Amanda wasn't there to ask what was going on with Faith and Spike. Faith would come back. She always did. Buffy didn't. Not anymore, and Dawn was so over Spike. She was over everyone, not that she had ever been under anyone. It wasn't like she didn't try. One guy had been a vampire, the other wasn't real; it was a spell. It almost got her killed. Not that that was anything new, but she would really rather die at her summer job at Wolfram and Hart in some freak Cyborg thing than die over some guy who knew nothing about her. Then there was the one guy that said he knew something about her, and that the both of them weren't real—Connor. He was such an asshole, but why was Dawn surprised? He was Angel's son. Did Dawn really want to follow in her sister's footsteps so bad? As if she could. Dawn was a freak.

_Stop trying to be normal; you've arrived._ That was what Connor said to her at the Bronze. That was right before everything got all crazy with Spike and Faith and that fire healing prophecy thing. Somehow Connor was involved in that. He wasn't in the prophecy or anything. Dawn just heard he had somehow been proactive and helped out. Dawn tried to help out, but she wasn't very proactive. Colleges like proactive people, right? Well, she did try to figure out the prophecy about Spike and Faith, but it was too ambiguous. Too confusing for someone normal like her. That was all Dawn had to offer, was her trying to be normal. She had tried, on weekends when she was working at Wolfram and Hart. She tried to find out anything she could about Buffy. Dawn was extraordinary after all, with her ability to be ordinary and stay alone for hours on end and do research. All that she found was information that Buffy was where she was supposed to be now. Then what had been the point of it all? Why did Buffy die for Dawn to come back again only to have to leave? It couldn't be for Dawn. Dawn and her "normalness."

Yeah, she was really normal. Dawn was so normal she remembered what Connor has said months ago, even though there was nothing more she'd like to forget. He told her she was trying to act normal like it was an insult, and that was because he knew the truth—once a key, always a key. A key was a thing that felt nothing. All Dawn knew was that as normal or not normal things were, they weren't good.

Faith knew things were five by five. They were better than five by five. They were 100 by 100. They were a picnic. She knew two ideas at once. The prison shrink was wrong about her; she could know that two opposite things were true. Wait, how could two opposite things be true again? Didn't matter.

Faith knew. She knew she slept deep on top of a really fine chest and really tight abs of a really fine dude. He liked to sleep with one hand on her ass, and the other would hold on to the tattoo on her arm, like someone was gonna steal it. Steal her. (Faith had a boy who was stolen once, and now the boy was hers. No one would take him again, or she would kill them dead. Kick their fucking...) Anyway, Faith was at a picnic and she was asleep, both were true. Things couldn't be better.

Faith knew that when things couldn't be better, they usually didn't last. It usually meant she was headed for a huge fall. (Falling down because he said he would choke her if she didn't. Falling into a garbage truck with her insides slashed. Falling into Hell with a psycho. Falling into a coma and not waking...) No! Faith knew things would be different this time. It would be a different life, a different dream.

Faith knew she had a best friend, a real best friend this time where he wouldn't leave her no matter what. So, Faith was at a picnic with her best friend. He looked so hot in the sun it almost made her laugh. His white blonde hair looked as bright as the sun itself, and all spikey. Spike. That was his name, but not really, he was really so much more, so she rarely called him just "Spike." Her boy was there too, climbing trees, and showing off like boys did at picnics, or that's what Faith imagined they did.

"Hey guys," he said jumping to the ground, "Look what I can do."

Then Connor's face changed into that of a vampire. Connor. That was his name but not really. Names were so stupid and limiting. But Faith supposed if you went around calling people "my everything" it sounded lame too. He still looked like he had a baby face. His fangs weren't that long, and his wrinkles weren't that deep.

"Look out, now he has a pretty face too," Spike laughed.

"That's great, baby." Faith smiled, proud of her boy, "Another part of you. Just be careful."

"There's a price though. Now he has to watch out for sharp wood," Spike sighed.

"Don't we all. It's all good. It's just a piece of him, it's like you say, tap into it and it can only help in the fight," Faith said, " It's going to rain again. I thought it could be a good thing, but you can't have a picnic in the rain."

Faith frowned.

"It won't rain," Connor said.

"Can't have sun without rain. Big things coming, love. You ready?" Spike said.

"Ick," Faith said as a garden snake had crawled up to the blanket.

She looked it in the eye and picked it up.

"Not so scary," she said.

Faith looked up after tossing the snake away and saw that it was starting to rain. She also saw that her boys weren't there anymore, but a man was. The man...that _hurt_ her. That is what Spike called him. Names. He was just a man, and a monster that Faith never had the courage to see again. Not even in rainy picnic dreams, but there he stood. Faith had another Dad-type who was evil, but not all evil. That Dad-type had real demon in him. He was the one she missed, or wanted to see. (Or was there more than one.) He had Faith do things that weren't good, but he never made her do anything. Why couldn't it have been him instead?

"I had things to do too. I've been busy since you left," the Dad she knew she didn't want said, as his brown peppered hair got matted down in the rain.

He looked the same. Huge, like a basketball player he towered over her, and his hands were so huge. It always felt like one could wrap around her throat twice. He was holding a limp form in his arms. It was a blond tiny girl. Faith couldn't see her face—she wouldn't.

"No!" Faith could barely whisper as the sky went angry with hard rain, "That's impossible. You—you're dead to me."

"And so is she," he said about the tiny woman in his arms, "You made it happen. I just gave you what you wanted. Didn't I always give you what you wanted, sugar?"

He still had that even voice that sounded like a TV dad's.

Faith got up and ran blindly. She had to get away. She couldn't be back there again. She wouldn't. That was why she got her tattoo. She promised herself after she got the band she wouldn't go back to his house no matter what he offered, or what he promised. The tattoo would remind her that the lies and the pain would always be there.

"You wanted it all. You stayed. You stayed and took everything I gave you. The house, the clothes, the Nintendo, that Natural Born Killers movie and poster and soundtrack. The wife didn't approve of that at all, but I gave it to you, didn't I? And now you wanted this," he said.

Faith saw her tattoo. The band that held her together when it was all she had to keep her from going back run down in the rain. Nothing lasts, but tattoos were supposed to last forever!

"Help! Someone help me!" Faith screamed.

"No one can help you. You're beyond it. That's why they sent you to live with me why your grandma didn't want you. She knew you were just like your mother."

Faith could hear his voice always in her ear even though she was too scared to look to see where he was, or who it was he had killed. It took every ounce of will she had to turn and look to see where he was.

"Fuck you. Fuck you, John. You don't know me or what I want or who wants me," she said.

As she looked behind her to tell him this she ran into something cold and hard. Faith had run into it with such speed she fell backwards. It was a gravestone.

"Don't I?" he said as she felt his hands wrap around her throat.

"Remember the night you threatened me. You thought you were really something, huh? You turned out to be a big nothing," he said.

"No, that's not---I was just a kid," she cried as he jerked her into him by her throat.

"You said I was scum. Imagine you calling me that. You said you were going to tell 'everybody and their mother' and then I'd be sorry, but who was sorry, sugar?"

"I don't think you ever had the balls to kill me. You were nothing but a coward who preyed on the weak," Faith snarled.

She knew it was over. Time had gone by. She wasn't there, her tattoo had proved that.

"What do you think now?" he said as he squeezed her throat and slammed her head into the gravestone.

He let her catch her breath only to squeeze again.

"Stop, please," she choked and cried after he let her go.

The rain was soaking her. She was so cold. This was just like all the nights she tried to run away, but she would get too cold or hungry and she knew if she went to a shelter they would only send her back to him anyway. She didn't want to die, at least not most of the time.

"Ah, there's my sugar. We'll make you polite yet. Memories. Remember what you said that you would do to get me to stop?...Remember?" he demanded as he merely gestured to grab her again.

"Yes," she barked at him as he grabbed hold of her again.

"What was it you said you would do to keep your sad little life? What was it you'd tell me you wanted?" he asked as she could hear him unbuttoning his pants.

"Anything," she howled in pain as the word ripped at her throat, "Anything."

"But this is what you really wanted," he said as if to soothe her, but his body only brought her that familiar ripping pain.

He never even held her hand or patted her shoulder like when the doctor gave you a painful shot, but was sorry it had to be that way. His hand only reached forward to move all the gunk on the grave stone to reveal a name. Buffy Summers.

"No! No! No! I won't say it! I'm different now. You're dead to me." Faith screamed.

Faith knew she was different now. She just didn't remember how. Faith knew she had been strong and learned to fight, but she also knew she had forgotten everything about how to fight when fighting John. She just started swinging her whole body wildly, like the other foster kids she saw who had seizures. Faith knew there was a special reason John was wrong this time, but Faith had lost what it was and she had to try desperately to find it again. It wasn't her Mom or that loser Ronnie she had run away with. They were gone. There were other people who were around, and Faith had been reckless and lost them. Faith fought and thrashed her body to find them, but she also knew there was something else that had to do with just her. It was just about how Faith was different now, good and strong. Even though it was something just about Faith, she knew it was also about the name of the gravestone, the "B" name. Faith knew there was a very good reason to fight and be upset about seeing that name there and John saying she wanted it.

"Faith, it's all right."

"Faith, it's okay."

Faith was really sure she knew it was pretty far from okay. She was going to fight until she died; even if that was the only thing she did until it happened. She hit and trashed and felt her fists connect with skin. She was stopped as easily as some six foot guy could stop a twelve year old girl from hitting him. He was much too strong, like fighting against gravity. Something felt different. She was being held in place, but he wasn't hurting her like he usually did. He wasn't choking her.

"Fuck you! Fuck you, John! I'll kill you!" she screamed.

"It's all right, love. He's gone."

Faith let out a yell and connected her knee with his groin. She was temporarily happy. She knew he'd make her pay for that, he always made her pay for fighting back, but she did it sometimes anyway.

"Fi, wake up," he whispered weakly.

"Spike!" Faith said as her eyes flew open.

"There's my girl," he smiled his voice higher than usual.

His hands released her arms and gripped her in a hug. She squeezed his firm body as she felt herself drip sweat on it and shake against it. Dreams. Motherfucking dreams.

"It's all right now," he said, "He's still alive isn't he? It's okay. I'll get him. I'll end it. I'll kill him. Just tell me where he is. Boston?"

"What?" she snapped further into being awake, "You want to go to Boston? I can't—I can't go back."

"Shhh," he said and wiped the sweat off her forehead.

"You don't have to go, love. I will. I'll kill him. It'll be like he never existed. I'll give you what you want, just say the word. Tell me who he is," Spike said.

"Get off me," she yelped suddenly realizing that she was sweating all over him, and it was gross feeling her own sweat on him.

She felt his arms let go of her, and she was out of the bed instantly. All of a sudden she needed a cig really bad. She realized she hadn't had one in days. She started searching for them. She moved around all the junk pissily. Make-up, the handcuffs, that stupid business suit that now was on the floor. All this stuff and none of it was hers. Whose was it anyway? What was she doing crashing at some Wolfram and Hart beach house, even if it was Angel's? She didn't want it. Faith didn't want any of it. She actually found her denim shorts and some white tank top and slipped into them.

"I gotta get the hell out of here. I need cigs," she mumbled.

"Alright, let's go. Funny, I haven't had the craving myself since I got my hands on you, but I guess old habits do die hard. You need food too; I'm sure the ol' blood craving will start up too now," he said sitting on the edge of the bed.

His body could give her everything she wanted. Anything. Things she really did want, and nothing she didn't want. He wouldn't do anything she didn't want, let alone make her say she wanted something she didn't want. Faith wouldn't even have to voice the wrong things she wanted. She would be making Spike do those wrong things. Why didn't it feel like much of a difference when someone made her do the wrong things she didn't want?

"No," she said, "I want to go by myself."

"Al' right, take the car, then. You know how to drive stick?" he asked.

His eyes looked blue and big, and even innocent with concern.

"You know I do," she smiled.

She couldn't resist. Faith never could. God, she never even should have touched him. Once a self serving bitch...

"But, no, that's your car, and I don't really feel like coming back any time soon. So I'll just use my feet," she said.

"You want me to sit here waiting for you while you walk around in the pouring rain for cigarettes when you could drive?" he asked.

"You don't have to wait. That's why I don't want the car. You can take off, do whatever," she said looking at her feet hoping that somehow that would help her find her shoes. Maybe I'll call Angel. Him and the kid were supposed to be here like a day ago, I guess they forgot about me. We really shouldn't be here, using Angel's house for some slap and tickle fest. It's wrong. He'll need you though—Connor. So, maybe you should head back there and I'll—"

"Oh no!" he said so fiercely that she had to look at him.

He didn't look any kind of innocent now. His whole face was tensed. She could see every muscle in his jaw. Why did she always end up pissing people off?

"I'm not letting that bloody fuck ruin anything else. If you leave me it won't be because of him," Spike snarled.

His face looked so tense it looked like maybe it was struggling to not go into demon face.

"Angel didn't ruin anything, if it wasn't for him we'd be dead, and this never would have happened," Faith said.

Faith knew Spike had to mean Angel, and not Connor, even though she was saying Spike should head back to Sunny D for Connor. Spike would never talk like that about Connor. Angel was the guy Spike liked to blame stuff on.

"Not Angel!" he roared, "That man who hurt you, that John sod. You have one dream of him and you want to skitter off into the rain, and you think I'll let him do that to you. What's his whole name, Faith? Just give me that and I'll do the rest."

He had his hands around her arms now. He was left handed. The grip around her tattooed arm was always a little harder. She looked over at it to see a few black waves of it peeking out from his grip.

"Stop it...Look, I couldn't...I just have to be by myself right now," she said.

"You couldn't kill a man, fine! You could let me, Slayer," he said, "You could kill yourself for me, but you can't let me kill for you."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" she laughed now, "Where have you been? Keep up. I kill men all the time. No matter how much I don't want to. I'll be damned if I'll let you do my dirty work. The reason I'm not a Slayer anymore, the reason I was ready to die was because I would never let you pay for my stupid mistake of letting those Shadow dudes ram that demon in me. You think I'd let you be a murderer for demons I've had longer than any of you knew me? I was going to say I couldn't leave you, but I'll make myself if this is what I'm going to bring out in you—your worst."

"You kil— You're still--My worst isn't even-- I'll decide---"

His face seemed to morph around with hurt, anger, and some kind of happy, and then settle on sad.

"The only thing you'll decide is when to get that sentence into drive. It seems like you're having enough trouble with that, and you want to decide who lives and who dies?"

"I want to destroy what hurt you so needlessly," he said.

"So do I. A lot. But I've been down that road before. Have the T-shirt. You think you're doing what's right, and then before you know it you aren't making any decisions at all. Totally out of control. I had to decide to kill that man to save Amanda, and then I killed that guy to save my own ass, and then you killed that guy so Robin wouldn't become a murderer. I never thanked you for that. We made those decisions because we had to. I'd never wish them on someone else. I don't even know if what we decided was right, but I do know one thing. I'm not going to force anyone else to make those decisions," Faith said.

"You're not forcing me. I want—"he said and his voice softened.

"Well, I don't want. I don't want any payback in my name. I don't want to hurt anything I don't have to, not anymore." she told him.

"What can I do to make it stop?" he asked.

"You can't stop it. I think sometimes we have to hurt something that has some good inside in order to do what's best. It's just part of the mission, but that doesn't mean we go looking for it," she said, "Okay, maybe we will go looking for a vamp nest or two, but I think that falls into the category of---"

"No," he said, "How can I stop your pain? You're going out in the rain now to get away from me, even if you are coming back. I know it's not really me you're trying to get away from. You can't get away from what you are trying to get away from, so it'll make you leave again. I know it. I've been through this all before, see, but not with girls as smart as you about it. So, what do I do to stop it?"

What the hell was he talking about? Stopping pain? Trying to get away from him? The rain? Oh yeah. Faith had wigged for a second there, and she wanted to go get cigarettes and leave Spike alone for a few days before she ended up setting him off or something. Wait, did he just say she was smart?

"I'm smarter than your exes? Didn't I just want to go running in the rain with this white tank top and no bra? And I wonder why bad stuff happens to me. You're not counting B, right?" she laughed, "Who the hell were you screwing? I feel sorry for you."

"Maybe you should. You an' Buffy included. None of you girls know what you want. Makes it hard for a fella to help out," he said as he rolled his eyes. "So you aren't leaving?"

"I know what I want-- food. Food for me an' you, and I don't want to leave here to get it. It's raining. You can help me by calling up Sire-Daddy's company and ordering some blood and grub for us trust-fund babies, and find out what the hell is keeping him and Connor. They better not be off fighting over any bad memories, real or fake," she said.

"All right," he said and a smile slowly came over him.

Sometimes Spike really did surprise her. She was expecting him to bitch about something. Faith thought she was going to hear a speech about how he wasn't an errand boy, and not to call Angel "Sire-Daddy" and how he had the balls to do things that Angel would never do and yap yap yap. But he just seemed happy he could do something. Maybe he thought he was helping "stop the pain." He was such a freak. She had woke up cursing and bitching at him, and come to think of it she was pretty sure she kneed him in the balls and then he wanted to know how to stop her pain?

"Speaking of stopping the pain," she said, "I totally kneed you in the balls when I was coming out of that dream, didn't I?"

"A little," he said as he lay down on the bed and grabbed the white cordless phone. "Hey, lucky day. A button that goes right to Evil Inc. Come back to bed."

The rain rattled on the sky light. It looked cool from in here. Faith couldn't imagine being out in it, running around trying to get cigarettes, or just running.

"I don't think I sleep well in the rain. I could knee you in the balls again or worse," she said biting her lip.

She sat by Spike's side cautiously.

"Well, as long as you don't set me on fire or have a bit of wood around I think we're okay," he said, "Sod! This is the ritual sacrifice hotline. Some idiot misprogrammed the buttons."

He pulled Faith into him with one arm.

"So what if I can't kill you. I can still hurt you," she sighed.

"I think you'd have a better chance of accidentally hurting me in your sleep a second time than you would trying to intentionally sacrifice me with the aid of this bloody hotline. They said press star to get a line to Wolfram and Hart, but they seem to be talking about sacrificing goats, at least I hope it's goats," he said.

"That's what I'm afraid of," she said, "I meant hurting you 'cause of my nightmares, not sacrificing goats. Why is there a hotline on sacrificing goats? Why is it on speed dial here? Why does it have a line out to Angel's company?"

"It's not for goats, it's for—Do you mind if I tell you later? I don't want to spoil our good time for now. I just got a line out. " he said, "You should try to get more sleep. I'll stay a wake, and try to give you sweet dreams."

He gently reached down into her tank top with his cool hand and he caressed her breasts gently.

"I'll dream of trains and tunnels," she said closing her eyes again; "I wonder what I'll do to you then."

"I'll hope for giant lollys," he laughed sleepily.

"Giant corndogs," she laughed.

"Now that would be painful. See it could have been bad. Far more painful than anything the goats..." he laughed, "God, now I'm on hold. Why do I feel like by the time I order blood and get it from here it'll clot?"

"How 'bout Hugh Jackman and a tub of butter," she said.

"Um, I don't think they could get him here any faster than a bag a' blood, love," Spike said bemused.

"I meant for me in my dream, dumb ass. But if you want in on it, even better. Spike likes them butch. All those years with Angelus, why am I not surprised?" she laughed.

He smacked her on the ass. He had a way of doing it where the sound of his hand coming down on you filled the room, so you could pretend it actually hurt if you wanted to.

"Angelus was no Wolverine. I didn't have much choice about bein' with him. I was young and I kind a' got recruited into it," he said in a groggy voice that made the whole thing sound sexy.

Faith gave him a long sucking peck on the lips and watched him smile.

"Christ," he said excitedly, "I actually got a person, love. A live one."

"Hey yeah," he said into the phone, "Where's the big boss? I need blood up at the summer home here...Harmony? Bloody hell, what are you...He hired you?"

"Who's that? Another one of your secret girlfriends?" Faith joked.

"My ex. Angel hired my ex. Another sign he's doomed," Spike sighed.

"The other blond," Faith snorted, "You an' Angel share them all. Why couldn't she have jumped dimensions instead of B? Wait, isn't she a vampire of the soulless variety?

"Don't you dare start, don't you bloody...Harm, quit crying or I'm hanging up," he grumbled into the phone.

"Damn Spike," Faith said, "You didn't have to make her cry. What did you do to her? She can't be all bad if Angel has her there."

"I didn't do anything to her!" Spike said defensively, "Well, not as of late. She's crying because she knows about me an' you!"

"Huh," Faith said as she was enjoying how Spike's pissy voice vibrated against his chest as Faith lay against it.

"God! How could you possibly know that?" he bitched into the phone.

"They seriously have a blow-by-blow newsletter about me there, nice to know Evil thinks I'm still important."

His puffed-out voice buzzed through her more slowly.

"Well, of course it's true didn't I just say--- Harm, there is no possible way my girlfriend is responsible for you dying, you stupid bint!" now it was back to a fast powerful buzz of pissyness.

"She thinks because you helped that man become that big snake the day she got bit that it's your fault," Spike said to Faith in a gentle voice.

That voice's buzz was soft and tickly.

"Sounds fair," Faith shrugged.

"Please, you were in a sodding coma when that happened," he snapped.

"Don't you ever call her that! You take that back or I'm coming over there and removing your head from your body," he was yelling at the phone now.

"I think I will sleep more," she said.

"Oh sorry, love," he whispered.

"No, it's cool keep yapping. There's no way I could ever dream of anything but you and the buzz you give me that way," she said.

"'K," he said, "You still want food, right? What are you pekish for?"

"Pizza," she said.

"There's a surprise," he said, "Listen, Harm. I need you to do me a favor, and send me over some blood and a pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni...and don't give me that otter crap Angel likes. I need pig... Shut-up!...And you are too, Domino's if I say so...No kidding, I'm not your boss. There's not enough summerhouses in the world for me to take that job, but I have it in good with the boss's son, and I'm shagging the woman who saved his ass, so if I say pig and pizza you send it over, girl Friday...You know what? Why am I bothering with you? Where's the big man? He's supposed to be here for my girl and he's late. I'll make him get the food for us. The least he can do...Shut-up! They're just friends! She's with me, and only me. I swear to God, Harm you better pray I never see you again!"

Faith closed her eyes. She had a dream that Spike was popping off the heads of dandelions while reciting Shakespeare and a pig followed Spike around eating all the discarded dandelion heads. They had a pet goat they were raising named Sid the kid. It was the kind of dream she liked.


	3. Glass House Part one

Glass House

Sum: Buffy's back and out of it. Other people are getting into it besides just Spike and Faith, but that's all for right now.

Note: This is just the very beginning of this chapter of the fic! There is a lot more to come. I just posted it like this for now because I'm going to be traveling and I wanted to link it to my fic site before I left. So, I could delude myself with the idea that I actually get hits there. BTW the site is Strangebint dot com (but don't spell the dot)

Buffy stared out of the paned glass window at the rain. Did it ever do anything here but rain? She wanted to think she missed Sunnydale, and how it almost never rained, but she couldn't help but remember how when it rained there it poured. The constant misty grayness of London was more compatible with her moods. But was that a good thing? Maybe going back to Sunnydale and being Sunshine Buffy was better. The problem was when she tried too hard to be Sunshine Buffy her sunshine burnt out- like it did LA a few years ago. Then she became Dark Buffy, and she hurt everyone she loved. Granted, Dark Buffy didn't come anywhere near hurting people as much as Dark Willow, but still wasn't it Dark Buffy who let Dark Willow happen?

Of course, she didn't have to worry about Dark Willow anymore. Will had told her how Kennedy kept her "balanced," and how thanks to , she was able to do a lot of spells. (But nothing too big like taking over the world, which was okay, because who would want to do that anyway exept an evil person?) Buffy had to admit to herself that she didn't really get the whole Kennedy plus Willow cancels out Dark Willow thing. It wasn't that she couldn't get the whole "this person completes me" concept. (Not that she had lived it herself, as far as she could remember.) But Kennedy as a balancer? Buffy remembered her as someone who could throw the Dalai Lama off balance. There were a lot of new things Buffy had to think about and get used to, even with Will. Willow was Buffy's emotional rock. She was never disappointed in Buffy. That was why Buffy had only told her (and Spike) she was back. There were new things that set her apart from the people she loved, and she wanted to deal with them on her own first.

So, that was why she couldn't go back to Sunnydale, not just yet. She could be Sunshine Buffy on the phone with Will once a day, but not all the time. If everyone knew she was back, she would so want to be Sunshine Buffy for them that she knew she would burn herself out. Then being Dark Buffy could lead to bad things, like Klepto Dawn or Judgey Xander.

Great. Now she was metaphor Buffy. Metaphor Buffy would probably get along with Spike the best, just like Dark Buffy had. However, there were new things with Spike she was having a harder time dealing with, which involved pouty lips and a heaving bosom.

"Good day, Sunshine," Olivia said.

She was wearing the greatest green sweater and a scarf. Scarves were in. Buffy thought it was too bad her and Olivia couldn't share hair tips, since they had completely different hair. Olivia was starting a fire in the fireplace that Buffy avoided looking at because it reminded her of days with Angel, but those days, like a lot of others, were over. A fire was perfect for a day like today.

"Not that it's a good day or that the sun is shining, but that's the status quo around here. You must miss the States--- you're sunshine state, right?" Olivia said.

"No, I mean, yes. I mean Florida is the sunshine state, and last I heard it was raining in my state, and when it rains it pours… Maybe that's why I should go back there," Buffy said thoughtfully as she looked at the orange growing flame.

"Well, if it's pouring there might as well stay here—I say," Olivia said.

"You're probably right," Buffy smiled as she was just thinking the same thing.

Then she frowned.

"It isn't like there's anyone waiting for me. Well, they might be waiting for me if they knew I was ever supposed to be coming back. But the people who do know aren't waiting for me, and it's good they shouldn't be."

Buffy gave another small smile as the whole log caught fire.

"Oh, is this about your vampire lover?" Olivia asked as she turned to Buffy with a wide smile.

Her perfect white teeth glowed against her perfect black skin.

"I know what's it's like to really fancy a fit man that you want like a piece of sweet candy, even though you know he'd make holes in your teeth, and your life. Your friends, your family you know they'd never get it; there are times when you don't get it, but you have to have it."

"I'm guessing this is Pre Giles?" Buffy asked.

Something about Olivia's smile was contagious. Buffy couldn't remember the last time she had been around a woman who wanted to talk about guys in a non-end-of-the-world way.

"No ducks, this was Ripper," Olivia laughed, "You look so surprised, you never knew him before he decided to settle down and go into that Watching Academy, I guess. He was the only bloke my parents forbade me to see."

"I got some of the cliff notes. He was kind of ticking time-bomb guy, right? I really loved a guy like that once. You're lucky Giles got defused, maybe the Watchers saved him, at least they saved someone," Buffy said.

She had almost laughed too, thinking about Giles being that stay-away-from-that-boy boy, but Watcher talk made her fold her arms and think.

"Are you kidding? Ripper saved himself, or maybe you saved him, helping him find his balls again to rebel against those people."

"Well, at least I saved one guy who's still with me," Buffy snorted.

"Oh, did the vampire go off? The one with the soul?"

The only concern in Olivia's tone seemed to be for Buffy, asking her if she had a bad break up. She had said the word "vampire" as if she said any other kind of guy like: "Artist" or "Detective."

"Both of them went off in a time bomb way, and both of them went off in a leaving me way," Buffy realized.

"There were two! How deliciously awful," Olivia said with excitement as she curled herself up on the couch like she was a girl at a slumber party.

"Was the other one as fit as the punk?"

"That's right, you saw Spike when he couldn't talk. He does look his best when he's not doing that," Buffy laughed.

She had never been able to talk like this about Spike and Angel, but she couldn't seem to talk about Angel.

"Well, that one couldn't have gone too far. I could tell you phoned him and had a chat because Ripper wouldn't stop frowning about it," Olivia smiled.

"It wasn't so much a chat, as it was him ripping out pieces of my heart by him flaunting his new 'relationship' with my old friend, and when I say relationship I mean her using him for sex, and when I say friend I mean-not-so-much as she's tried to get hold of every boyfriend I've ever had," Buffy said with false casualness.

"Oh my God! I'd wring her doxy little neck!" Olivia shouted.

"I've tried that. She wrings back, and then my exes end up sticking up for her, as the one did today of course. So, for now I'll just settle for him not telling her I am back in this world. She seems to be doing a fine job pretending I never existed," Buffy sighed with a smile.

"Well, it seems to me she never forgot about you. She probably made a beeline for him because he was yours. I really hope you handed him his arse

"Ha! A B-line, she would make some kind of joke out of that. That's the thing; I think she might have forgotten about me. I think everybody might have. Just so they could deal with it, accept for Spike. I knew he wouldn't. That's not Spike, even if he--- moved on. He could deal with me being back after losing me. It wouldn't screw him up like everyone else. That is why I couldn't hand him his ass over Faith."

"You couldn't hand him his ass because he had faith? Faith in you?"

Olivia got up to poke the fire.

"Yeah, he does always have faith in me even when I'm fu—screwed up over something, even when he hurts me--- Oh 'Faith' is the name of the other girl. The one he's with now. The one who's going to use him for parts and suck him dry I'm sure."

"Oh, I meant in a figurative sort of way," Buffy said as she saw the look on Olivia's face. "The worst part was, that when I told him she would probably do that to him he was all too happy to remind me it was what I did to him."

"He said you used you for parts and sucked him dry?"

"Yes, well, actually I said: 'Be careful with Faith. From what I remember all guys are just a big joke to her, and he said: 'Well, you've been gone a long time, Slayer, and I'd rather be a big joke than a sodding 'convenience' any day, at least a joke makes you laugh," Buffy said in a British accent.

"That bastard!" Olivia exclaimed.

Buffy couldn't help but smile. She really couldn't talk to Will about this. She remembered how Will was in high school, with wanting to know about the guy situation. _Tell me everything that happened including facial expressions._ Not that she could blame Willow for not wanting to hear about Spike's facial expressions. Who had that kind of time? Buffy felt the heat as the fire grew. She frowned as she looked at it, nice as it was.

"He's really good at comebacks," she told Olivia, "I should have expected that. That was far from the worst part of the conversation. I think the worst part was when he gave the phone to her and had her do her phone sex voice while she didn't know it was me. Oh, speaking of voices, I'm sorry, that was rude doing the accent like that---

"The only thing that sounds rude is him. If he's the one who can deal best with you returning to this plane and that's what he has to offer, it is no wonder you want to stay here."

"Well, it's not that my other people would be like that to me; they'd be a lot better, nicer, accept for Faith. She would just make some joke about how I couldn't stand to live in a dimension where I was happy, and she would flaunt Spike. Not that I want him now or ever. But I can't even be mad at him."

"Can't be mad! I'd say you have every right to be bloody mad."

"Well, the thing is he's right. I was all throwing the stones in my glassy house. I DID use him. I don't have the right to say anything y if Faith wants to do it," Buffy confessed.

"Why not just avoid them all together?" Olivia said.

What, no question as to why she used Spike? Buffy thought about Tara. Some people were so good, and they made things seem so simple. But they never were.

"Well, I can't," Buffy took a deep breath, but Olivia spoke before she had to explain.

"Right," Olivia said, "I remember that Godawful place with the monsters and why Rupert says you have to be there and work together and the like, but do you really want to be going to the pub with these people?"

Buffy felt a pinching inside of herself and it had nothing to do with the thought of going to the pub with Spike or Faith or anyone. That was the kind of question Mom would ask. Why couldn't Mom be here for this? If Mom was here Buffy would be in Sunnydale now.

"Well, right now I guess not, or I wouldn't be here. But did you ever have one of those relationships where…they make you really tired, but they also keep you alive, they remind you of who you really are, and whoever that is—it's okay. Even if all they do is fight with you it's okay?"

Buffy wondered when Olivia was going to realize Buffy was a little crazy. But before she could think about it too much Giles came in.

"God, must you insist on using these awful bloody chemical logs! They're slowly killing us. God knows what's in them," he grumbled and began fussing with the fire.

"Just like all those things you used to smoke," Olivia said duly.

"Well, at least I've stopped. You've got to be one of the oldest people who still incessantly listens to The Dark Side of the Moon looking for hidden messages," Giles said.

"Oh, spin on! If you stopped smoking I've turned into Gwyneth bloody Paltrow. Besides, you were the one who turned me on to Pink Floyd and all that, saying that there were projection spells hidden in it," Olivia said.

"Protection spells," he corrected.

"Giles, isn't that magic for personal gain? I'm telling Willow," Buffy was suddenly smiling so much her face hurt.

"Yes," he sighed, "Let's not pass up an opportunity to sully me further in front of Buffy. She'll never listen to a word I have to say again."

"You just leave yourself so open to it, being the biggest hypocrite, my love," Olivia said and she kissed his temple as he sat down in between the two of them.

"I listen to a word you have to say?" Buffy's face continued to ache.

"No, you throw half of it out the window because you're a smart girl," Olivia said.

"Well, I'm glad you two are getting on so well," Giles rolled his eyes.

"The best," Olivia beamed, "Buffy is like the little sister I never knew I wanted."

"I have one of those," Buffy heard her voice get smaller, "She's the one I worry about the most, I feel like if I don't come back into her life just right I'll screw her up….again. Giles says she's doing fine now. She takes everything so hard, I know she wants me back but---I'm sorry all I do is talk about me."

"It seems like you talk about everyone, but yourself," Olivia said strongly, "Your friends, your sister, your exes, and this doxy who steals them. Maybe it's time you talked about yourself a bit, and thought about yourself."

"Faith didn't really steal Spike, she—"

"Spike, yes." Giles seemed to lose his relaxed posture on the couch, "That was him you were talking to before. Did he tell you anything about any…misadventures?"

"Don't worry, Giles," Buffy sighed as she and Olivia exchanged annoyed looks, "My days with killers are over. Let them go off with each other. The only thing Spike told me was that he was now shagging Miss Adventure herself."

"Spike and Faith…are…of course this would be the time…It would be what they want," Giles muttered.

"Did you just say 'shagging?'" he asked looking at Buffy now.

"Well, I think it's awful! Do you know that this girl has tried to have a go at every one of Buffy's boyfriends and she's still doing it even though she's not with the slaying anymore?" Olivia said.

"You mean Slayer. Faith is not a Slayer anymore," Giles corrected, "She's powerless, of course. It would be the perfect time."

Giles got wide-eyed and took off his glassed, and sighed. Watchers, gotta love em' (or at least Giles) but they took the Slayer/Vamp thing hard. Even when it wasn't their Slayer. Buffy was sort of annoyed. Why was Giles so concerned Faith was with Spike? The only one who was probably going to get hurt was Spike.

"Can you be anymore of an idiot, Rupert?" Olivia smacked Giles's arm, "There is no perfect time for them to start shagging if this bloke really cared about Buffy and this girl—"

"No, 'Liv, that wasn't what I…Why must you always turn everything into a dramatic production?" he sighed.

"I am not turning anything into bad drama," she insisted.

She wasn't. It was that way all by itself.

"I know you. There will be a time when you'll tell Buffy she should go back to that sodding place and work with these people, but rather than try to kill them, I am wondering if she shouldn't ask herself if they are the people she wants in her life." Olivia said.

"Nobody ever asked me who I wanted in my life and who I didn't. It was kind of about who would show up or who would go without any of my say-so," Buffy said shakily.

"Well, it's time to fix that, but if you do want someone out of your life I don't recommend trying to kill them like Ripper did," Olivia said firmly.

Buffy thought she might cry, she felt the Mom memory pinch her insides again. If it was up to her she'd be in Sunnydale with Mom, but Mom had left her life.

"Try to kill them…"Giles muttered.

Buffy was glad he wasn't looking at her. She wouldn't want Giles to think that she was shaken because he had tried to kill Spike that time. She was just missing Mom.

"Yes, yes, Ripper" Olivia chided, "We all know your preferred solution. He really does feel awful about it you know."

"I know I want my friends, and of course my sister in my life, but I am just not ready right now," Buffy said firmly. Spike?" she said less firmly, "Do I want him in my life? Do I want Faith in my life? Do I want Spike and Faith together in my life?"

She shuddered and was glad for the heat of the fire.

"Those last three questions remain a mystery. But at least I answered the first one, and I'm through feeling bad about not being ready. I think I'm so worried about people leaving me I don't think about whether or not I'm ready to be there myself, or if I even want them there. I know I want to be here with you guys," Buffy said—firm again.

"Yes, and we aren't going anywhere," Olivia said.

"I actually have to go away for a bit," Giles sighed and looked straight ahead into the fire,

"But it won't be a bother; I'll be back sooner than you know," he smiled weakly at the two women staring up at him.

"This is all going to end in tears, you know?" Spike said to Faith.

As they stared at the flat screen TV, where the little perky bob-cut blonde spy was falling in love with the spy from the mother country because he was so English and charming of course. Faith wouldn't like to see the perky blonde get a broken heart as she was Faith's favorite She-Spy.

"I never got that expression. I mean, doesn't everything worth doing end in tears. I mean things end, people die—you cry. Well, I don't but…" Faith said.

"Yes, but there are the kind of tears that are unavoidable and worth it, and then there are the kind that aren't, like the ones that'll happen one day because you refused to take this opportunity to learn how to bloody swim," he said.

Spike knew there was something he'd been trying to get her to do. He'd got tendistracted by the telly, but now he remembered. It reminded him of the days when he was trying to convince her to control the shadow demon in her. Hard to believe that it wasn't too long ago.

"Sneaky, slipping that in, but I can't find my bikini. Actually, I can't find half the clothes I brought," she said.

"Pfft, If you really wanted to learn you would do it starkers just like you've been doin' everything else around here that you already know how to do. You had a bikini?" he asked.

"It was what I was wearing the first the time we did it. I think you might have ripped it. It doesn't matter. I was trying to teach myself to swim before you showed up and I almost drowned, so I'm not to keen to start again," she said.

"Slayers, why do you insist on doing everything yourself?" he grumbled, but he found it was hard to get too angry as she touched his arm.

They were taking a break from shagging because the food came, and he was used to not expecting to be touched unless he was in a bed, or on his way to one, or doing what should be done in one. He knew Faith was different than Buffy in ways no one else could see, but the touching with clothing on with no idea of shagging lurking about still surprised him. Then she jerked away, and looked at him. Slayers. But then he caught Faith's eyes. They flashed hurt at him before they gave him haughtiness.

"Robin says Slayers are addicted to danger. That's why he dumped my ass. You gonna do it too?" she asked flatly.

Wood. Spike had all but forgotten about the bloke. He had done a number on Faith with that fancy hold he had on her. He was smooth enough to make his hold look like nothing more than a supportive hand. Spike could forgive the bloke for that, you had to hold on to a woman sometimes. If you didn't some sod pushed his way in. What Spike didn't like was the fact that Wood let go of his hold on Faith, right when she seemed to need it most. But he supposed he couldn't complain about it, as he was the sod who didn't exactly push his way in, but fell, no, willfully burned into Wood's place. But Spike was the sod after all. Faith was crazy to think that Spike would not hold her in his own way too, but he would do it the way she wanted it.

"I am danger, love," he smiled, "and isn't this the part where you tell me you aren't a Slayer anymore."

He pulled Faith into his lap as greedily as he used to do with Drusilla. If Spike was going to have a hold on Faith it would be a hold, and wouldn't try to disguise it as something else.

"Yeah, you're danger as much as I'm still a Slayer," she snorted as she put her arm around him

"What's that supposed to mean?" he huffed, "I am very very dangerous. You just have to be on my bad side,and you will always have a bit of Slayer in you."

"Okay, fine, but you aren't dangerous. I am more dangerous than you," she insisted.

"I could kill a man with one hand; I have," he said.

"I know all about what you can do with just one hand. There's ability and then there's potential action. You may have the potential to commit a deadly action, but it would only

be a reaction to being in danger, and that ain't really a dangerous action. That's a defensive reaction," she said.

"Okay," he said, "I'm not letting you watch the Discovery Channel anymore."

"Why? Because they have the commercial with the lost dog that makes you weepy?" she laughed. It was like a bell in his ear.

"I was not weepy. I was concerned. I didn't know it had a happy end like you did. Bloody commercials these days! Whatever happened to 'Here's our sodding product. It's good because we say so. Buy it.' Now everyone wants to tell an epic as sad as the Velveteen Rabbit," he said.

"You're right. You should write a very dangerous letter to the Master Card people," she said.

"Well, I am more dangerous than a girl who's afraid to learn to swim," he said.

"I am not---" she shot up in his lap but then settled down again, "Okay, that almost worked."

"Too bloody smart for your own good," he sighed, "I'm dangerous enough to get your ass in that pool in the next thirty seconds."

It was true. He could do that. She had no power anymore. He should, for her own good. She rolled her eyes and took off the tank top she was wearing to reveal "the girls." Yes, they were the most beautiful things, but they were real, so they couldn't keep her afloat in the water.

"You think that's gonna work? I've seen those perfectly beautiful creatures dozens of times before and I---," he began firmly and she put his hand on one of the breasts and it was firm too.

Very firm but skin so soft, softer even than the rest of her, how did that happen? You'd think she'd have very rough skin, and he wouldn't have minded that. She was really a very soft curvy girl. It was the way she carried herself which made her look muscular.

"I am not going to get distracted from whatever it was I was…" he said before she kissed him.

Kissing her was so more than just kissing. Yes, it was soft, but forceful and wet like kissing should be, but it was also…Wet, wait, he had to…

"Swim. Train. We have to train," he said in between kisses, "It's hell out there, and you need to use everything you've got."

"Oh, don't worry, I do. Always have, and I'm really big into sharing everything I've got too," she said as she took off his shirt; the one she'd put on him some time before.

"You don't seem so hot on the idea of sharing me," he smiled giddily, "I can't believe you made me wear a shirt just in case Harm made good on her threat to deliver the food here in person."

"Yeah, well, I may feel bad she got turned due to my old boss, but if I saw her drooling I'd have to stake her," Faith grinned slyly as she possessively ran her hands down his chest and stomach.

"A murderously jealous girl, that's just what I need. Good for the soul," he beamed as she played with him.

"I didn't think you're soul was all hot and throbbing for me anymore," she said, "Hey wait, this ain't your soul. I think this is actually something I want to suck dry."

He laughed and then bit his lip and moaned for a while. He only thought about her lips, her mouth. Everything she did with it. What came out of her and what she took in.

"I do love you so," he said as he stroked her hair and pulled her head gently up towards him.

"You're just saying that because I give the best head you've ever had," she said.

WAY MORE TO COME…


	4. Glass House Part Two

_Author Note: Ok, This chapter is coming in three parts, but I'm keeping the "Glass House" title due to theme. There's a sad twist here, but hey it wouldn't be a story if they just sat around drinking tea. There is a lot of Spike/Faith interaction and Connor & Angel interaction and implied past Angelus/Spike._

_Story note: Sorry this is like a badly placed commercial break. Here's the next part of the chapter starting right off from the last sentence._

"And the wittiest with the dirty jokes," he said, "And you know the homicidal jealousy over the ex I don't even like is hot."

"Does it count as homicidal if she doesn't have a soul?" Faith asked as she looked up and caught his eyes, "I just wanted you to put a shirt on. Didn't want her getting a free peek at the abs. Now if she felt like payin' for seein' em' that's another story."

"Nothing would be for free. If Harm had shown up here, I would have killed her unless she apologized for insulting you," Spike grinned as buttoned up his pants.

"Hmm, that sounds kind of like how my last pimping experience with a boyfriend went. It wasn't fun; of course, I was the one being pimped, so maybe that had something to do with it. How much could I charge her just to look at your abs?"

"What?" Spike demanded as he was snapped out of the seduction of her sultry voice and fell into outrage at what words she had just said.

"Your abs? I'd say at least a thousand dollars; two if she wants to touch them, and I'm a way better pimper than a pimpee. I know to get the money up-front," she said as she took her hand out of his pants to smooth over them once more.

"Someone pros—Who-who did that to you? That sod—that-that man John?" he stammered.

Faith stiffened and pulled her hand away. Her eyes grew wide as if she realized she had made a mistake. But then she grinned that steely grin.

"No, that one wasn't a boyfriend," Faith tisked as if he had gotten one of the She-Spies names wrong, "More of a sugar daddy. I actually ran away with the boyfriend because I got tired of doling out all that sugar. Don't worry, by that time I wasn't so sweet anymore. The sugar was running dry. Now, I'm the kind of girl that can joke about pimping out a perfectly good guy. Of course, she'd only get to touch the abs, no matter how much she had, and I don't really expect some vamp secretary will have three thousand dol--"

"Who did this to you? If it was a man you ran to in order get away from the other man, you must have trusted him. How old were you? It had to be before you were a Slayer, so you couldn't have been more than fifteen, sixteen? Bloody Hell, Faith! You were just a little 'bit," Spike gasped.

It had never all come together in his head in quite such a picture as it was now. He knew Faith's life had to have been hard. He knew there had to have be people—men—who'd hurt her. The last time he had a working heart for more than a few seconds the girls on the streets had been younger. But, what was a girl that had no money to do then?

He had seen things get better, for girls in the clean parts of the world, but he still wasn't one to be a fool and say that things were that much different. Spike was hardly naïve. He'd seen all of it, and done most of what could be done to little girls. He had been a veal kind of himself. Faith said her mother died when she was twelve. He didn't know exactly when she had been called, but he knew it was before she was seventeen. So, this meant she had to have gone through all of this between the ages of twelve and fifteen. That wasn't veal. That was a calf fresh out of the womb that didn't have time to even get in the box yet. Yes, he knew this happened all the time, and it would keep happening to 'bits everywhere. But, it shouldn't—couldn't happen to the girl he loved.

This was bloody awful. He felt like a complete tosser for not seeing this all sooner, for not doing something.

He hugged Faith to him even though she seemed a little resistant now. She was still straddling his lap but she had pulled away her bare breasts out of his reach, as if she was a stripper giving a lap dance who didn't really want to be touched. Of course, this thought only gave Spike a more detailed notion of what she must have gone through.

"Relax," she laughed, "You look like your mama or your dog just died. I was only joking, English."

"Like hell," he said quietly, "Who was this sodding little cowboy who took advantage of you?"

"Angel," she said and her mouth went round.

"Angel?" Spike said more in confusion than anything else.

"Hi Angel," Faith said grinned sheepishly, "Hey Connor. You guys are late."

Spike turned his head to see the big poof standing ten feet away. He was much too distracted to have sensed anyone coming. Great. Just what he needed to cheer him up; Angel crashing in on their party.

"Oh hell," Angel grimaced.

Spike smiled slowly. Right, Faith was topless and she was straddling Spike. The position had become so natural that Spike hadn't really thought of it. Angel would have to deal with reality now.

"He'll never stop walking in on me," Spike said, "I swear he times it. You do time it, don't you? I'm sure he's walked in on the lot of us before, right? It's how he gets his jollies."

Faith slipped on her tank top, and rolled her big brown eyes.

"Bite me," Angel muttered and turned away from Spike and Faith on the couch.

"Yeah, that's the other way you get 'em. But I think you're really finally fully on your own, mate. My girl doesn't want you for that sort of thing. So, you'll have to time your entrances differently," Spike said as he glanced over at Connor.

Spike frowned. He wanted Angel to have to deal with the reality that a Slayer loved him, but he didn't want Angel to have the reality of seeing Faith's perfect tits ever. Nor did he want Connor to see them as long as Spike was alive, and Spike was very much alive. He knew that wasn't the reason that the kid's eyes were popping out of their sockets. Spike knew the kid had already gotten word that Spike had unexpectedly lived through the last ordeal, but even if he hadn't, Spike didn't have a big enough ego to think Connor would be gaping over him when Faith's breasts were showing themselves.

"C'mon, Spike," Faith smiled, "Be fair. Angel was supposed to come by days ago, and that would have been way worse, I don't even think there was a second I was wearing clothes, and you--"

"Okay," Angel sighed and closed his eyes, "I really don't want to know. I didn't want to know. I was almost at the door a few days ago, when I—sensed---it. So, I took Connor and we went to Vegas. I was hoping it was over by now. Why isn't it over? Why is there blood and pizza staining my crystal table?"

"Who do you think I am, you?" Spike smirked, "I got my girl. I'll never let it be over, unless she ever allows me to die for her like she was supposed to. Not bloody likely, since she's always gotta be the hero, the top, at least in front of open doors."

"Oh bitch, bitch, bitch," Faith said as she was now cleaning up pizza crusts.

"So, you—you're dating, the two of you. This isn't just—just like one of those sex things that you do. Can't it be not dating? Can't Spike go to Mongolia? I'll pay for him to go to Mongolia. I'll pay for him to go to go anywhere as long as it's alone."

"Spike? What are you--? Faith are you--? I thought that--?" Connor's eyes were still wide with surprise as he stammered.

"He speaks, well kind of. How ya been, lad? Why are you late meeting with my girl? Not that I'm complaining. It gave us time to do much needed things," Spike said.

"More unconventional training you wouldn't want to see," Faith laughed, "Is everything okay? The cyborgs didn't cause any trauma, did they?"

"Cyborgs? What cybo—Oh yeah, that—that—went pretty---How are things going with you?"

Although the boy had Angel's eyes with Darla's color, he didn't really have their eyes at all. They were way too innocent. The boy might see that opinion as an insult after all the battle he had seen, but it was true. Spike knew it couldn't be the fake memories that had done that, not after the real ones had come back. A person had to have a real goodness to have that, goodness magic couldn't provide.

"I think you broke the boy by giving him a glimpse. Don't worry. Won't happen again," Spike laughed.

"Do you want anything? Like you know, food or something?" Faith said as she rose off the couch.

"Such a thoughtful girl, isn't she?" Spike smiled.

"You're offering me food from my own house. My house with the crystal table that now has pizza stains all over it," Angel sighed.

"You don't have to give Angel anything other than what you've already have, love," Spike said.

"Right, you don't eat. I'm sorry. It's just Spike's really into eating so I forgot about you," Faith said.

She was trying to break down the pizza box and she wasn't quite folding it right. She became frustrated with it, and dropped back on the table. Angel frowned, or frowned more, but Faith hadn't noticed. She was trying to clean the table in a different way, but just seemed to be spreading crumbs around.

"She forgot about you," Spike grinned and Angel glowered at him.

"Faith," Angel said softly as he glared at Spike, "Do you really know what you are doing here? I mean, maybe this is a mistake—a huge, huge mistake."

"Angel, no!" Faith gasped as her eyes widened in hurt, "I know it may look like that with the two of slacking off in your house, but I promise it's not. I swear you can trust me."

"This isn't his house—," Spike began.

"It's not that I don't trust you," Angel said, "It's just, you have just been through a big trauma. You almost died. You had a break-up, and along comes Spike with—his---his cheek bones and whatever else he has, and I know that after Buffy died she—"

"Is that what you're worried about," Faith laughed, "Well don't. Me an' Spike already talked this out, and I told him what's what from the get go."

"Oh thank God!" Angel said.

"So, Spike is going to Mongolia?" Connor asked.

"No, kid," Faith smiled, "Don't worry. Spike is with us."

"But—," Angel began.

"Look, Angel. Don't worry. We talked it all out. Both of us are interested in fighting the mission, and helping Connor fight on the Hellmouth," she said.

The girl was so engulfed in her own argument; she couldn't see the confused and stricken look on Angel's face. She had such fire to fight the fight that she didn't see when other people were concerned about her for other reasons. Spike stepped behind his girl as she was futilely trying to clean pizza droppings of the sodding crystal table with a napkin. Spike brushed her hair back to display the bite scars Angelus made.

Angel realized Faith had no idea what he was talking about. She thought he was afraid Spike was going to want her to quit the mission. It wasn't even dawning on her that Spike was the worst choice for a boyfriend that she could possibly pick. A Slayer with no slaying power and a vampire with a Slayer hang-up, it was the worst idea since…Angel was thinking it was the worst idea since Sid and Nancy, and he would have had no problem saying so until Spike brushed Faith's hair back and traced Angelus's bite scars. Angel forced himself not to look away as Spike purposely displayed where Angelus had bitten Faith. He didn't have to look into Spike's eyes for more than a fraction of a second to realize that Spike had found out what Angelus had tried to do to Faith. Of course, Faith had told Spike as they were lovers now—more than lovers. Angel hoped they had just been lovers and nothing more. Angel could deal with that. The things he smelled when he first came to the door of his house-- the things he heard. But now Spike knew just how Angel had slipped back into Angelus and what he had done—tried to do. Angel was positive Faith had stuck up for Angel. She knew Angel was not Angelus. Angel wasn't the one that tasted the sweet salty river of Slayer blood, and was pleasantly surprised when it was so similar to Buffy's—and so different from Buffy's. Angel was not the one that wanted to sire Faith and do all those unspeakable things to her body as she lay between life and death. Spike didn't believe that. No, he didn't want to believe it.

"Yeah, don't worry, Angel. WE talked it all out. We know you only want what's best for Faith, and we appreciate all your concern. But I'd never take her out of the mission, and I'll make sure no one else does it—ever again. I'd almost like to see them try, with all the things that I have planned for people who get in her way," Spike said.

Spike kissed Faith's neck and looked up at Angel. Spike didn't want to believe it because his own demon was so much a part of who he was. The little shit had no curse. He got a soul to get into a Slayers pants, and now he had. He didn't seem to have any remorse for his past. He spent two weeks crying in a basement and he was fine. He had taken the Sanshu and decided to come back as a vampire. (Wesley said that might not be the case. It might not have been the Sanshu Spike fulfilled, but still. Now not only had he slept with Buffy, but Faith. She was one of the few people Angel trusted. And Spike had gained the friendship of Angel's son—his son!) How fair is that?

"Right," Faith smiled as she was still trying to clean the pizza that had destroyed his crystal table.

Angel knew he should just be happy that the table was still standing. Faith wasn't even aware of the huge insult and threat Spike was making. It was a threat that Angel fully believed. If Angelus got out and hurt Faith again, Spike would do everything in his power to kill Angel in the aftermath. Of course, this was a moot point, as Angelus was gone, but Spike would love the excuse.

"So, you don't need me to go to Sunnydale anymore?" Connor asked.

Oh, wouldn't that be the best thing to happen! But, Angel couldn't help but notice his kid was crushed. Why did he want this life? He told Angel it was to make amends, but it had to be more, as the boy had already done that as far as Angel was concerned. It wasn't as if his son was like him, and had two lifetimes of atrocities he could never make up for. Maybe his son wanted Faith. But, there was no chance of that happening now. She was clearly enthralled with Spike, and had been for sometime. Angel was hoping that they would never actually couple, that Faith herself would stop it from happening. He thought that Spike's kind of overbearing "love" would suffocate her, but Angel knew that there was another side of Faith that exhausted anyone human with her need.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I don't know what we would do without you. That's a mother of a Hellmouth, you know? You've never seen it active," Faith said.

"Yeah. No one ever said you weren't invited to the new dance. You just don't lead. Since I lived, I figure there's a lot I could teach you. Not to mention the things that Faith could teach you. She just may not be able to teach you all you wanted," Spike said.

"Hey!" Faith said, "No one is leading the dance. We don't waltz anymore, Victorian guy. It's free style, and I can still teach him everything he wants. Just because I don't have the muscle anymore doesn't mean I'm chopped liver. What's that they say? Those who can't do-- teach."

"You can do anything you want, love," Spike said.

"Yeah, like keeping them under control, please," Angel muttered.

Faith wasn't the only one with this need. Connor needed her. She also needed him, but not like she needed Spike. Angel didn't want to think about how Spike, Mr. Needy himself, was getting out of having Connor around, or vice versa. So, he didn't think about it.

"Yeah, I can do that. Bust out the whip and all that," Faith winked.

"But no school girl outfit, that's old hat," Spike smiled "Maybe tweed. Since you're going the way of the Watcher now. Yes, tweed with nothing under it."

"Sounds itchy," Faith said.

She looked at Spike like he was the only one there. Suddenly, Angel felt bad for that Wood guy. Faith always looked at Wood with such adoration, kind of the way she looked at Angel, but it was never like that. And hadn't Spike killed his mother or something? Though, Angel knew love had nothing to do with fairness.

"Yeah," Connor said, "You don't want to go the way of Wes. He has issues. One of those Cyborgs was made to look like his Dad. I wonder how they did that? I guess you can get a satellite photo of anyone and then do a silicon molding of their face scan…Still—they must have used magic."

Angel couldn't help but smile, even though Connor sneered at his own use of the word "magic." He was such a smart kid, a curious kid. He could do anything he put his mind to. He could rule the world. Of course, with the right guidance, that would be a good thing.

"Anyway, they had us all duped into thinking this 'borg was his Dad, and Wes shot it, like 5 times, in the chest. Issues," Connor smiled.

"Connor!" Angel grumbled, "That wasn't what happened. So, Wes thought he killed his--- It turned out not to be his Dad. So, it's not a big deal. Can we just move on? I told you I didn't want to talk about that anymore."

Spike was laughing. Angel really should find a way to stop this—to not leave Connor with Spike. He would have to think about what to do while he was in Rome, fighting those damned cannibals.

"Huh," Faith said after a second of thought, "Wes blew apart some Freudian nightmare they put together in a lab just for him. Cool. See, Wes is a major player, guys."

Angel had to agree that was all true. He hadn't thought about it. Hadn't wanted to. Now this gave rise to new thoughts. Who had done that anyway? Why? Angel knew Wes was a major player, but Faith had a way of putting everything into perspective. Connor would be safe with her.

"So," Connor said to Spike, "Maybe we should have thought twice before pissing him off."

"Piss him—oh yeah that. Fun, eh?" Spike still laughed, "Gotta say I was impressed how he stood his ground. Don't get me wrong. I still think he's a misguided pompous Git, but he has stones, and he does do what he thinks is best. A lot like his boss."

Angel felt his face tighten at Spike. How could Angel leave Connor here with him? Together the two of them had beaten Wes horribly for the difficult decisions he had to make for Faith. When you were the only one with the knowledge and resources you had to decide was best. Spike understood nothing about that; he only understood his own feelings of injustice, and he turned them into rage with Angel's son—his son! Angel couldn't let them be together again, no matter how much he trusted Faith. He knew all too well how a Slayer in love could be blinded by it. He'd have to find a way to get his son away from Spike.

"How did you guys piss off Wes?" Faith asked.

"Nothing he can't work out with the company shrink. We just tried to stop him from doing that spell on you," Spike said.

"If it wasn't for that damn spell I might have killed you," Faith said.

"Bloody watcher didn't know that. He could have killed you, and sodding Alistair interfering with your mind! I really wish I could rip him a new one like I did on your old Watcher, but who knows what he could do. Like I said, he could probably turn the old wedding tackle inside out with magic."

"What did you say?" Faith asked.

"Oh, remember when I said that I should have realized how much I loved you sooner, because I was willing to take on ol' Alistair and how he could turn my big boy inside out---"

"Not that, that thing about Wes. What did you do to Wes?"

"Oh, that. Well, back before we did that spell I showed up at his office to try to talk him out of it and we ended up exchanging blows. Actually, he really exchanged a lot of blood for my blows," Spike said proudly.

"You did what?" Faith demanded. For a second her mouth hung open with a look Angel had only seen on her once before.

Shocked and almost frightened.

That's right. She hadn't known that Spike had attacked Wes. Angel hadn't told her. He almost expected her to start shouting at him for not doing so.

"I used Watcher Boy as a punching bag back when I thought he was trying to hurt you, and because he did try to hurt you. You think I don't know about what he did to you in order to save his man here?" Spike gestured to Angel roughly.

"How he pumped you full of Orpheus and fed you to the most dangerous vampire on Earth? He needed to be taught he wasn't going to be allowed to make a mistake like that again. Peaches may think anything is justifiable to save his ass, but I don't."

"Shut up, Spike. Faith knows that's not what happened," Angel said dully.

He sank down on the couch. He could see into some of the other rooms now. Spike has trashed those too. Angel was sure the other rooms smelled of sex—just like this one. Spike always did leave his scent everywhere. Even in places and situations it had no places being. Maybe Angel should try to talk to Faith about Spike being a mistake again.

"You were the one that beat up Wes like that so he was going around like a walking bruise," Faith said.

"You got that right," Spike said with indignant pride now, "and I'd do it again. That bugger had no---"

"Wait a second," Connor said, "I did it. It's true it was Spike's idea of how to mess with him with reenacting the torture, but I was the one that---"

"Reenact torture?" Faith said looking ghostly white now.

"Yeah, well that part was Spike's thing, but we had to do it, Faith. He was going to have that guy use black magic on you, and we knew that could kill you, just like he could have killed you with the Orpheus before. I know you don't remember, thanks to Angel's spell, but I was there. I saw what Wes made you go through for what he thought was right, and he was doing it again," Connor said.

Angel wanted to object to what his son said. He wanted to say that he never wanted to have Faith or anyone forget him. He wanted to say that Wes didn't have any other choice, but to put Faith in danger. Angel wanted to tell his son that his opinions were being influenced by Spike—who had no right to have any opinions about right and wrong. But, Angel found he couldn't say any of those things. As much as he wanted to say:

"How fucking dare you?" Faith roared.

Then Angel saw every sad and angry line come out on Faith's face. Now it seemed everyone could only be silent, even Spike. Angel felt some brief relief as he remembered how affected Spike could be when Drusilla was truly angry at him.

"How fucking dare you?" she said again, but now it was mixed with some kind of horrible pain that Angel would have gladly skipped seeing. .

Faith marched past Connor and stopped right behind him to where Spike was standing and punched him in the face. Connor's face was also something Angel didn't want to see. He almost looked hurt, like he wasn't the one hit in the face.

"I wasn't trying to hide it from you, love," Spike said in his small voice now, "Honest. I'd have told you sooner. I just didn't think it was important. It's--"

"You just don't think I'm important," she spat.

"What? Never," Spike gasped in shock, "You are absolutely essential, that's why I went after him, because he seems to think different."

"No!" Faith said, "Wes helped me do what I needed to do because he thinks I'm a warrior of the mission, not some fucking door prize to be fought over. I can't believe I fell for any of your shit. I can't believe I thought you wanting me would lead to anything good."

" I don't just want you. I'm not Wood, or the rest of them. I love you, what you really are," Spike said.

"And what's that, a hardened criminal whose torture style you love to imitate? Robin doesn't want me anymore, but at least when he did it wasn't about torture and using and lies," Faith said.

"What do you want to do then? Go back to Wood and tell him you've given it all up? Face it, you are the mission, and you can't fight the mission without me," Spike said, angrily now.

"What is it with the guys I pick? You all think I'm so fucking stupid, that I would run myself into a blade without you. Well, you're the ones that need an education, not me. The only ones that really help me survive are the ones that don't fuck me."

"What are you talking about him now...Him?" Spike roared in anger now as he gestured to Angel again.

Of course, just when Angel felt good about the direction the conversation was taking Spike had to

drag Angel back into it. It was just like the old days.

"He's the whole reason your Watcher almost killed you, and don't give me that 'Angelus isn't Angel crap.' Say I even believed that. Angel still had to want his better half to come out for some air. He had to agree to it, and if you think he's gonna go to Sunnydale and help clean up the mess that Wood's granddad created you're mad. He can't bear to stay in Sunnydale, and smell old traces of Buffy's scent?" Spike said.

Yep. Just like the old days indeed. Spike would do something incredibly stupid, and somehow it all went back to Angel not being the man Spike was. But, of course, Angel wasn't Angelus. He couldn't—wouldn't and didn't want to give Spike the pain and pleasure of the punishment he would have deserved in the old days.

"I have—"Angel began to stand up for himself literally and figuratively with the truth as any good man would.

"Well, maybe that's better than only being there to sniff stale B!" Faith said.

Angel smiled. Of course, this wasn't the old days. Angel's Faith was nothing like Angelus's Dru. Faith didn't find bullshit amusing. Spike wasn't going to get away with anything with her.

"I want to be is Sunnydale and it has nothing to do—"Connor began.

But, Angel's smile was brief. His son was involved in this too. His son mixed up with Spike. Faith mixed up with Spike. BUFFY mixed up with Spike. How could he have let this happen?

"You have no idea how wrong you are, but one day you'll know. One day I'll be able to show you that I love you more than anyone," Spike smiled at Faith. .

Why did he suddenly look so happy? Love. Spike was sure he loved Faith more than anyone. Right, Spike was always so sure of everything, of his stupid feelings. That was all that mattered to him his candy ass feelings.

"How the fuck am I supposed to believe that knowing what I know?" Faith demanded.

"Love, Buffy an' me we—"Spike began calmly now.

"I'm not talking about B! Why would I care if you love B? Everybody does that, you can't help it. This isn't about B or Angel or Wes or anyone else. This is about you and me and how little you think of me."

"What?" Spike looked as confused an unsure as Connor now.

"How could you not get it? How could you not know? You took the only good thing I ever did, the only time I was even close to being a good Slayer and turned it into shit!" Faith said, "It was my decision to bite it for Angel—mine."

She roughly pointed to her chest. The angry line was in her forehead and her eyes blazed back and fourth in fury as they looked at Spike.

Then all of Spike's confidence and anger melted away. Angel forgot how quickly his feelings , the ones he was so sure of, could shift. His little rodent like face could deflate as quickly as it was puffed up, like his whole body. It could change quicker than crazy Drusilla's, but unlike Dru's there was always a logic behind it Angel understood. Spike finally got that he had taken something from Faith, something she valued maybe more than him, her heroism.

"Love, I never wanted to hurt you. I just—" Spike began as he was talked from inside himself.

"You just wanted to hurt Wes because I listened to him and not you. You just wanted to take all the good things I did and turn them to shit. You punished Wes and Angel for the only good thing I ever did for them and the worst thing is you used Connor to do it," Faith said.

So, that was it. Angel was happy. He hadn't had to do a thing. Faith saw the light on her own as usual.

"I wasn't used. Spike didn't use me. I was the one that told Spike about it. I was the one that helped Spike break into Wes's office. Spike was the one that stopped me from killing Wes," Connor said.

Why couldn't Angel's happiness ever last? Angel knew he didn't deserve happiness, but why did Connor have to be delusional?

"Oh c'mon, Blade," Faith still laughed, "You're not a murderer, not like us. Why would you do something like that unless Spike pumped you full of bullshit?"

"Because I wanted to save you," Connor said, "and I was angry—angry at what he did to you before, to me before. Spike wasn't using me. You and Spike are probably the only people in this world that never used me."

"I never used you," Angel said.

"Oh, please," Connor was the one that laughed now, "You've done it the most. You used my family, put memories in their head so that they would love me. You lied to them and to me, just so you could live with yourself."

"It wasn't about me. It was the only way to save you," Angel said quietly.

"I'd rather have gone down than have you mess with them the way you did," Connor said.

"You know what?" Angel sighed, "I give up! One minute you are saying how much you get what I did, and the next minute you're cursing me for it. You can have all the mood swings you want, Connor. But you know I did the right thing."

"I said I love my family; I said I understood what you did; I never—never said it was the right thing!" Connor folded his arms, "Maybe that's too complicated for you to get."

Hadn't they settled this? Hadn't they gone to Vegas and had a good time? Why was Connor throwing this in Angel's face again? Of course, Angel got that it wasn't simple. Didn't the boy get that it was the last thing Angel wanted to do? Didn't Connor see how the several phone calls Connor had received on his cell phone from his other parents tore him up? Connor had told his parents he was on a trip to Vegas with his boss. His boss. He told them how his wonderful job opportunity at Wolfram & Hart was worth dropping out of school for. (Both Angel and Connor's other parents disagreed, but Connor convinced them otherwise.) Yes, Connor had lied to them, but he wanted them to be happy, and he loved them.

"You know what your bloody problem is?" Spike spat, "You don't want to be loved. You're glad this happened. You're just looking for reasons to be brassed off."

Angel was too mad to speak. How dare Spike say anything to him about love. He had no idea what real love was—the heartbreak—the sacrifice.

"That's—, "Connor began quietly as his voice lost all its edge being truly stunned.

Oh, had Spike been talking to Connor. Was that it? Connor didn't want to admit Angel loved him. That would make sense, after a man that hated Angel raised Connor. No, why would Spike ever stick up for Angel?

"…the biggest load of shit I've ever heard!" Faith finished. "You don't know how much I wish you hadn't done this, but you're right I am almost glad it happened. Now I know how little you think of me. I'm some stupid bitch that can't make her own decisions, and I'll always be seen as the unstable one, who needs to be watched over. But hey, I'm a great reference to pull up for all the pain and torture I caused. That Faith, she's a real firecracker, no one put people through more hell than her. But you got to watch her when she actually tries to do something good. All she knows how to do is kill herself when people tell her to."

Of course, Spike was talking to Faith, and of course Faith had something to say back

"I think you're getting me mixed up with the man I beat down. You just want to believe we're all the same. It's easier that way, right?" Spike said.

"Shut-up!" she snarled. "Look, just get out of my face. I'm goin' back to Sunnydale and I don't want you there," Faith said.

"No!" Spike jumped in front of Faith as she tried to walk away.

Spike didn't sound angry at all anymore, but Angel was going to have to beat the crap out of him anyway when he didn't let Faith go. He liked to think he was looking forward to it.

"You don't mean that. I love you. You know we have something real. You know that! You are just afraid. It's like I said to you against the window we cracked. You know everything. You are just scared," Spike said to Faith.

"You cracked a window?" Angel muttered.

Sure. Great. Right. Why shouldn't everything be messed up including the house?

"You're damn right I'm scared. Scared of what dumb ass thing you'll think of doing next just to prove you own me," she said.

"Oh, that's just what you wanna believe. Because then, being buggered and sold by those men when you were just a little bit wasn't so bad," Spike said sourly.

"You fucking son of a bitch!"

Angel could see her moving to hit him. She was much slower than when she had the Slayer power. Spike had to see that coming, but he didn't move away. She hit him with a good amount of force behind her. It cracked Spike pretty good. As good as a lot of human men, probably. It was better than anything Cordelia could throw, which was saying a lot, for a regular girl. It was still a human punch though. Spike was barely affected.

"That's it, love" he said, "You can take it out on me, I'm built for it. But you have to know it wasn't really me who did it. Like we did in training that time, remember? You need me for that, not to mention you need me to bash and kill things since you are down on power."

"I have to go. I have to go right now," Faith said visibly shaking. She reached out like she was going to touch Spike's face, but then made to pull away.

"No, don't, love. It's okay. I don't mind." He had grabbed her hand.

"I do. You—you just have to stay away from me. It's obvious were dangerous together, and not just to ritzy glass houses and their plumbing. I'd rather be the one to leave Sunnydale, and I'd let you stay, but Connor---We have to stick together," Faith told Spike.

"The plumbing?" Angel muttered.

It was the same old Spike from 100 years ago. He never understood that you could have really nice things for a while if you didn't burn through them right away.

"We do have to stick together, love. You, me an' the boy. We need to be dangerous together for the Big Bad that's coming," Spike said gently now.

"No, I mean just me and Connor. I have to go with him back to Sunnydale. Angel, I'm sorry. I-I have to get out of here, like now. I'll get my stuff later," Faith said.

"Of course," Angel said.

Angel sighed. He should keep faith in Faith. She always saw things for what they were in the end, even if she was a bit reckless in getting there. Angel had done worse. A lot worse.

"Say goodbye to your Dad. I'll be in your car, kid," Faith said.

His son would be safe with her for sure and he could have what he wanted.

"Faith, you can't do this! Over the sodding Watcher!" Spike was back to anger now, as he grabbed Faith's arm.

"Let her go!" Connor commanded.

Angel rolled his eyes. He really thought he would never have to do this again in life. It was good to know that if Spike got drunk and showed up to bug Faith Connor would be able to handle it. Angel would have loved nothing more than to think Connor's fondness for Spike was completely gone. But, he noticed at the boy paused to see Faith's reaction to her arm being grabbed by the idiot she said she wanted nothing to do with. Angel didn't It was Angel that pushed Spike to the ground and off of Faith.

"Okay," Angel said calmly like this happened everyday because there was that time when it had, "I don't know what you're trying to pull, Spike. But whatever it is you've done enough of it."

"Pull?" Spike snarled, "Right, everything has to have an angle with you, doesn't it? Just like that Watcher of yours. I'm not pulling anything. I love her, and I'm not going to let her push me away because of the fuckers that hurt her. Bloody bastards! You have no idea, do you? You never bothered to find out. Yeah, some great hero you've been. You're just as bad as them. You're using her too."

Now he just looked lividly up at Angel. Then Spike stood up to Angel, literally.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Angel demanded.

"Nothing. He's talking about nothing. It's pretty obvious that's what he thinks of me. At least none of the other guys ever played me like this. They told me outright I was a stupid piece of shit," Faith shrieked.

Then she ran, and Connor was the only one that could follow her into the sunlight..

"Fi, don't! Faith!" Spike yelled after her desperately.

Of course, Spike being the genius that he was wasn't going to let a fiery death stop him from going after the girl he had managed to keep for a week before he pissed her off. Angel had no idea how the moron lasted. Angel grabbed him by the back of the neck. He saw Spike's fingers burst into flames. Angel snuffed out the starting flames with his hand. Angel looked up and saw his son gaping. At what he didn't know. Spike was of course in tears like a three year old girl now, so maybe that was it. Yeah, it was kind of strange. You could put the little bastard on the rack or the world could burn him up and dig him out ash by ash and all you got was smart ass remarks, but have one of his women walk out on him and it was a scene that even the devil would wince at. Maybe the devil was just wincing because he wished he could cause Spike that much pain.

"Connor, in or out. Shut the door," Angel said plainly as he continued to hold Spike back from the open sunlit doorway that Connor stood in.

"Spike, I, um…I don't--" his son stammered.

Did his son feel sympathy for the crying little Willy? He shouldn't. He brought all of this on himself, and now he was probably just going to get drunk and stupid.

"You know that this isn't my fault," Connor said, "She came to me, but I didn't—I tried to tell her I beat Wes up too. I mean, I didn't—"

"What are you going on about? You heard her. She wants you. She needs a fighter there; she needs you there. Go! And don't bugger it up. Get out!" Spike yelled through tears.

"Okay," Connor said softly, "So, An—Dad, you're driving us to Sunnydale now?"

"I can't," Angel sighed, "I have to go to Rome. People are trying to eat werewolves there too. Apparently, it's a whole worldwide trend thing."

"Oh, well—"Connor began.

"People eating werewolves and you're mixed up with them and she thinks I'm dangerous," Spike laughed and cried. He had now sunk to the floor, but was safe in the shadow.

Good. The last thing Angel needed was Spike killing himself again, and everyone on him about why he hadn't done something to stop him. .

"I'm not--- Just go back to crying, Willy," Angel said mockingly.

"At least my feelings aren't buried under a ton of dead weight that can't tell right from wrong anymore," Spike said as he got up from the floor.

"Right," Angel said, "You're feelings just go straight for what's wrong and make you and everyone around you miserable."

"Maybe I'm not right, but I know I'm not wrong, or running from myself, not like you are, hero. That's why she's in love with me, not you. Because she knows that, knows me. I look the demons straight in the eye because I know I'm nothing like them anymore."

He sounded pretty cocky and unembarrassed for a guy that had just been crying on the floor because his girlfriend of a few days walked out on him. So, now he was beginning his anger phase. Angel couldn't help but smirk when he thought about the fact that Faith probably wouldn't just forget it all or forgive him when Spike came around to chasing her down. Spike now seemed to give a confident sniff. He puffed out his chest and tilted his head to the side like he just remembered something good he had forgotten.

"In fact," he said, "That's just what I'm going to do. Look them straight in the eye and not let them get away. Get the demons."

"You do what you have to do," Angel rolled his eyes, "which we all know means drinking until what you just said makes sense. Now can you leave so I can say goodbye to my son, please."

Could it be that his son saw now, what an idiot Spike was? Maybe his son actually wanted him around and Spike out. Maybe he could arrange some time to go to Sunnydale after he got back from Rome. It was doable. He could just convince Wes or even Gunn to take over more with his end of things.

"I'm sorry, if you really need me in Sunnydale I can---" Angel began.

"Uh, no, no," Connor said, "I –uh—You have the car keys. I can't take Spike's car."

"Oh yeah, take mine," Angel seemed to smile awkwardly as he tossed the keys through the door.

Of course, Connor could take care of himself with Faith helping, and it wouldn't have been right for him to ignore the rest of the world for Sunnydale.

"Um, what's gonna happen with Spike?" Connor asked.

"What do you mean?" Angel looked genuinely confused.

His son expected him to care for Spike. To do something. Why? Well, he would. Of course he would. He had always done it, hadn't he?

"Well, I can't leave him alone in this state," Angel rolled his eyes, "He'd trash the house. I do wish I could have spent the time with you and Faith instead but, I guess I'll be a babysitter for the next few hours. You won't have to worry about Spike though. After a lot of drinking and roaming he'll probably come up with some half-baked plan to get her back. It's Faith, and she's not an idiot, so I'm sure whatever he does it won't work."

Connor only nodded, and Angel found himself wishing his son would say more. More about how Connor realized Spike wasn't the person to look to like he had thought.

"I just don't know why these smart women fall for out of control freaks in the first place. It never ends well. What is it? Their intensity? " Angel found himself asking his son.

Angel heard the sound of glass smashing.

"Whoopsie," Spike sang out sarcastically from the living room, "Hey, I finally found the scotch. I have to make up on all that time when I didn't need it. Before you came in and smashed my perfect happiness to bits."

"Maybe it's their ability to evoke an instant homicidal rage?" Angel rolled his eyes through gritted teeth.

He refused to look back at Spike and only looked at his son as the daylight and shadow stood between them.

"You're askin' the wrong guy, Dad," Connor said.

Connor actually smiled. Angel supposed the situation was funny. He smiled too. For a taciturn guy Angel was talking a lot. He didn't really want his son to leave, or Faith. Faith was actually pacing around the car now. She needed to get away from Spike. She needed Connor. They needed Angel to watch Spike for now. Then Angel would go to Rome and fight the cannibals, save some werewolves. He always did what was needed.

Stay Tuned for next part...


	5. All for Her

A/N:

Summary: Faith broke up with Spike because he beat on Wes for being a bad Watcher to her. Spike has plans to make things right again. So do Wes and Robin Wood.

Rating: R

Pairings: (mentioned) Faith/Spike, Faith/Wood, Wes/Fred

Note: Yes, this is part of a series, but I try to have them make sense as a stand alone. Oddly this chapter centers around some characters that don't actually appear in it.

Warnings: You'll be seeing darkness in our beloved boys. Mentions of sexual abuse. Some blood and guts—"Reservoir Dog" Style.

333 To Dutch who has been kicking ass with her own fic and still making time for me!

333 To all the peeps that are still with me and giving me feed back on my baby here.

All for her

Spike needed to do this, and he was in fine shape for it. He'd been drinking every day for about two weeks straight, going Greyhound at night towards the west coast. He hadn't eaten anything in days, but he hadn't wanted to. He often did that before a big kill, and this would be the biggest of them.

Spike was the killer, and being a killer wasn't about art, it was about need. He wasn't a rich hero. He'd never want to be that. Maybe that's how you became the sort of tosser that has the gall to kick a man when he's down. No, that wasn't Spike. Truth, justice, and soccer moms weren't his thing. He didn't leave his own people behind, locking himself up in an ivory tower while all the vines he'd used to climb up there strangled things. Spike liked to get down in it--to be a part of the rush and slice open the vines that grew around the towers of his own.

Spike walked along the uneven cobblestone passing all the Victorian houses and red brick churches or churches turned into trendy clothing-shops. The cold air would have nipped at his face if he hadn't had fangs to bite back. The college kids didn't seem to care about the cold either. Some walked around in heavy knit hippy sweaters, others in puffy coats; some were clones of Spike and walked around in long black leather. They had to be cold.

Spike was following one college girl in particular, along with a man that seemed to be her dear old dad. The girl was a puffy coat wearer. It was the most practical choice. It made her blend in just like her rosy colored make up and scarf. She was that sort. She had the misfortune of being a stunning classic brunette in the wrong place at the wrong time. It made sense that she would want to blend in, not put up a fuss. It seemed sensible, but it actually was right stupid. Spike wanted to grab her by the arms and shake her and tell her to be more like the girl who'd gone before her. Make a bloody fuss. Scream. Run away. Wear loud clothes. Sure, it would hurt, but she would get out alive.

"Spare somethin'? An extra cig?" a girl grinned as she sprung out between him and his prey.

Another dark haired girl growing out a purple dye job. A niblet. Her doc martins were too big for her and her black flasher's coat was ripped up from dragging on the ground. She had her eye brow pierced. Spike had little to spare of what she really needed, so he gave her what she asked for--a fag. He noticed her raw ungloved fingers.

"You have love and hate," he said to her.

"Um," she was bewildered and seemed to look at him with contempt, "Yeah, so do you."

"I mean on your fingers. You did that old hat love and hate tattoo on them," he said.

He looked above her and through her as he didn't want to lose full sight of his prey. The girl was probably used to it--preferred it to people commenting on her body. She looked at her own hands as if they were something new to her.

"Well, they're really the only two forces in the universe. Everything else is just some sick combo," she said.

He must have looked at her in a way he hadn't meant to. It was probably because he was so damned hungry. Spike knew he had to have shown his hunger or something like it because she shifted her whole body. The dancer changing into the first position of the required dance.

"You want to hang out? If you do, that's cool. I just need twenty bucks, forty if you want to do a little more than the regular," she said.

"Do you know that place on Main St? The old hotel that looks like a big haunted house?" he asked.

"The Kendall? A guy like you is at The Kendall?" Her little pointy face scrunched up.

"No," Spike told her, "I suppose a bloke like me would have to kill to stay there, but you don't. Just make sure you wash, and say you're getting a room to look at some schools and you're meeting your uncle."

Boston, Cambridge hadn't changed much at all. It was a pseudo-intellectual place where the rich kiddies talked up their ideals while the poor ones knew their real place.

"So, what's your name?" the girl asked, as she seemed to be bothered that he was looking through her now.

The brunette he was following, the one with the puffy coat and the fuller body, had walked into one of the shoe stores with the man that seemed like her father.

"She's pretty, but I think she's outta your league. You can tell she's a rich girl that goes to Harvard and her Pop is taking her shopping for the weekend. Girls like that won't meet you at a hotel and call you 'Uncle'," the girl said to Spike as she put the little hand that read "hate" on his arm.

"That isn't really her father. She doesn't go to Harvard. She's from here. Did her best to go away, but they called her back, and you'd be surprised what a girl like that will do. What she's made to do," Spike said as he looked into the store window.

"You've got it bad, man," the girl laughed, "So, are we gonna hang out? You gonna make me say 'uncle?'"

"No," Spike said as he handed her two hundred dollars, "I just know a girl like you could get a room there if you cleaned up enough to pass for a girl like her, saying that she has some man in charge coming. People like to think there's some great big man in charge, but there doesn't have to be one. Better for you if there isn't. Just make sure you hide your love and hate."

Spike slipped a way from the girl before she could say anything else. He had an urge to tell her how lucky she was. Lucky that he was on a very strict diet and very clear mission. She was also lucky because she could never be in the place of the girl he was following. She didn't have full enough lips. She never would have been picked, even if she had been orphaned around the age of blossoming.

_Blossoming, what are you? Somebody's Grandmother. You mean right before we girls go on the rag. When we have little gum drop boobs, that's when Sugar Daddy came in his candy truck. What are you doing here? This is over--finito. Let it lie_. Faith's voice was in his head, and he was thankful. It lessoned the pain of missing her. He almost wanted to argue back. But he didn't because he wasn't mad, in fact he never felt saner. He wasn't anyone's Gran. He was William the Bloody, and he got the job done. He never rested--never stopped until it was over, and it wasn't over. Spike loved Faith, and he always would, just like he'd always love Buffy, but unlike Buffy there were living, breathing things that haunted Faith. Spike could kill those things, make them pay.

Spike had done his homework on the big bad he was taking on. He'd gone back to Wolfram and Hart and did what he had to do to get to the right files. Of course, the files just had the bare facts. They didn't say that John Devero liked to adopt smart little girls with dark hair and big doe eyes because he liked to own them. It just said he had adopted three girls who'd had those characteristics. The file reported how two of the little girls had come to a bad end. One had died of an overdose when she was seventeen.

The second little piggy was the prettiest and the brightest of them all. Ol' Johnny boy used a lot of his rich wife's money trying to turn her around. None of the fancy schools wanted her because she was so very bad. She'd run away and he would always work so very hard to find her. The state even offered to put her in a home for naughty girls when she cut him one night, but ol' Johnny was such a saint, he wanted to keep her. Finally, when she was just shy of sixteen she ran away for good. She seemed to come to a worse end than the first girl. She somehow ended up in California, a crazed killer, and even spent a year in a coma. She became a jail bird, but somehow busted out and it was believed she had died in the riots in Los Angeles when the sun decided to burn out there a few years ago. Poor girl, but who could blame the Deveros. They had given the girl everything, every chance.

It was like Johnny's wife said: "By the time they get to us they are so damaged. There's only so much we can do. Sometimes I think showing them a normal life made them feel worse, but John always keeps up hope."

At least that was what Mrs. Devero said when she was a character witness for her husband after he had strangled a man who was trying to mug him. He couldn't help himself. The man went to attack him and all of his 'Nam war training took over. He was a war hero after all, at least that was the defense his Wolfram and Hart attorneys in Boston gave him. And they had to have been right, because Johnny was acquitted. Now he had his third one, and it looked like this time was the charm because she was the perfect little girl. She did everything little girls were supposed to do.

Of course there were addendums to these files which went into more detail. But Spike didn't care much about them. There was a small addendum on the first dead little girl he didn't care about. There was more information on the present perfect little girl that he knew was probably boring. Then there was a massive file on Johnny himself which went into great detail about just all the things he had done for God and country. Spike thought some bits of that were okay, but the file said nothing about the other things Spike knew Johnny had been up to. However, the biggest file was the one on the second little girl, the one that everyone said died in LA. Spike already knew all about her, and he made sure no one else would. He took that file and destroyed it, as it was no one's business.

Spike had been following his prey for sometime, but now he finally got close enough to hear his prey speak.

"All I care about is you," Johnny said as he leaned in and kissed his perfect little girl goodbye.

The perfect little girl stiffened as Johnny told her this. She was such a good girl after all, and good girls could be embarrassed by public affection. She was about to get on the train to New York to go to school. Funny how she decided to go away to school, as there were so many here.

"Goodbye, Daddy," the little girl said. Not really a little girl anymore, but always Johnny's little girl.

Johnny grabbed her arm hard as she slightly jerked her body towards the train. Spike found himself stiffening. The voice, that voice. So, Johnny had a preference about that too. He liked the sweet deep whisky voice. Spike supposed when you went shopping for niblets they already had budding sultry voices, as well as budding everything else. He almost laughed aloud. Spike felt like a poor excuse for a big bad. He had always just been into veal for the rush, the energy of them. He never stepped back and studied what body type he liked, what voice tenor, what skin tone. Spike liked them all. Still, this was mastery.

Spike found he had to get closer. Exactly how much did she look like the wicked girl who'd come before her? Was it even more than Spike could see from a distance? Did she have the same tiny dark freckles on her chin? Did she smell like cloves mixed with ripe honeydew and salt too?

Spike knew she couldn't be a clone, and not because the files and records had said she wasn't, or because cloning was supposedly impossible. Spike knew this girl that belonged to Johnny Devero could not be a true copy of the woman he loved because no copy of her would look so broken. Spike didn't have to get close to see the brokenness in this girl, to feel it. A true copy of Faith, even if she had chosen to stay with Johnny would never break in such a quiet fragile way. Faith, and anyone truly like her, would only break with the loud thunder that could shatter anything else along with it.

Faith was like Spike, she didn't do anything in halves. She had tossed Spike out fully. As much as some said

Faith gave mixed messages; she really gave none where it counted. Spike briefly thought of Buffy, and how she would disapprove of this, but if she knew the story in full she wouldn't pull out the big guns to stop him either. He was still a bit worried about Buffy, but he knew Giles would care for her before she came back to care for the world.

There were no breaks or half-ways for the wicked. Everything counted now, as Spike would show her he really did nothing in halves either. He knew now Faith was right. Beating on her old Watcher was wrong, but not for the reasons she thought. Spike should have gone to the root of the vine from the beginning. He should have ripped out all of the men that tried to half-kill her, to break her, and then she would be whole again. Faith would be whole, even if she had no more Slayer power thanks to Spike. She would be whole without him even if Spike was a shell of himself.

That was all that mattered. Faith's wholeness, the Zen balance she truly wanted, and continuously persued with all her talk about the mission and living in the moment. How could she live in the moment with a past haunting her like this? Angel had warned Spike, with all the self righteousness he could muster, not to go back to his past self. Angel had told Spike that he knew better than anyone that going dark brought no comfort. What the Git failed to realize was that it wasn't about sodding comfort or peace. It never would be for them, and that's why Angel wouldn't find inner peace in Rome or Bulgaria or Sunnydale or wherever else he ran off to in order to save the world. Maybe Angel and Spike were horrible monsters, but Angel was wrong to think that gave them the most haunting past. In their past, they'd had the luxury of control. All luxuries had a price, and peace was theirs. Spike fully accepted that. It wasn't about him. It was about setting things right for people, even if you couldn't save them, so they could have some peace for a change.

Spike got close enough to the girl who'd taken Faith's place and he saw that she indeed was not a true copy. She was pretty enough, but bland. Her nose was a little too long. Johnny might not have seen that coming, as it might have gotten bigger after she fully blossomed. Her doe eyes didn't flicker and flutter around as much and her full lips just seemed to stay set where they were unless she spoke. This gave her about two expressions in total, both of which didn't convey much.

"I'll call you when I get back to the dorm," she said to Johnny.

The voice was deep, but clearly feminine. In a better life she could have been a piano bar singer, but maybe not. It lacked any of the sweet undertones that let you know what a powerful range she had. It was merely full-toned, but could never be sultry. It was not Faith's voice in the least. She only seemed to say what she had to, not what she should or needed to. The most interesting thing about her was her smell. It wasn't as pleasant as cloves or honey dew. There was saltiness. A very subtle hint of fear, or something that used to be fear and gave way to something else. It was hard to say, because it seemed most of her own smell was overpowered by the smell of the other person she had on her.

"You make sure you do, honey. You don't want Mom to worry," Johnny boy said.

Spike felt his whole face tighten, and he felt ol' Johnny in all his middle aged eyes on him. He may have seen Spike sniffing what he thought was his, and of course he thought Spike wanted to take it. He glowered at Spike for a second because he knew Spike would have more of a right in the eyes of the world to take his girl than Johnny ever had. But Spike and Johnny were both men of the world and knew its eyes had no affect on them. The world was blind to them, and the unspeakable things they did, or at least it tried its best to be.

The girl got on the train. Spike's stalking had led him right back where he started; the modern looking South Station with its marble floors and chain shops and cash machines everywhere. It was only a few stops on the T to get here from Cambridge, but it wasn't nearly as modest as the station there to hide all its demands that one should buy, buy, buy what it was selling. Starbucks and McDonalds were out in the open here, literally. You could look in and see all the people and not have to open the steeple.

Faith would say she preferred South Station to Cambridge. All the stuff right there and easy to get to. _Starbucks doesn't deny it's trying to take over the world and you gotta respect that._ But she would have taken him to Cambridge after stuffing some fries into her full lips and Frappuccino down her sweet throat. She would have taken him to Cambridge or Roxbury, where there were many little corners or alleys to be alone. _Can't wait to get you back to Sunnydale. We have to christen our favorite patrolling places._ Then she'd have pulled them out of the corner and pointed to all the little 'bits with their skateboards and homemade tattoos and said how screwed they all were, and then laid out a plan for them to be protected. _'Course we gotta still actually patrol. The Hellmouth's open and word will get around the Slayer is down on power. Little do they know about my secret weapons._

There was a bar in South Station that was off to the right of all the coming and going. It didn't fit in at all, or at least it was trying its hardest not to. It was closed in, with tinted windows and a door. You couldn't just wander in by accident and order a beer with your cheeseburger; you had to be determined to go in. It was doing its best to pretend it had class with its dim and frosty outside and inside and bartenders in uniforms. No surprise, this was straight where Johnny had led them. Johnny ordered the most expensive bourbon and sighed as he looked dully at the game on the telly. If one weren't careful they might think he was a harmless middle-aged loser with a bit of a drinking habit.

But Spike could be careful, when he had a clear idea of what he wanted anyway. Spike was careful and Johnny boy wasn't what he seemed. He was a man that knew he was being followed, and he was used to it. Johnny liked to put himself in situations where a lesser man might be anxious. He liked to show he was anything but; he liked to think he was bulletproof. Well, it wasn't bullets he was going to have to worry about.

Johnny slickly ordered Spike a drink and had the uniformed bar girl bring it over. Good. They could finally stop this cloak and dagger business. Spike had been doing it for the sake of the girl, but it was getting incredibly boring. Spike advanced over to the ol' boy.

"You weren't at all what I expected, Johnny," he hissed into John's ear.

"What did you expect?" John asked as he slowly sipped his bourbon.

He was as cool as New England smog.

"Don't know. Maybe a Rutger Hauer look-alike. A man on the edge of the long end of middle age, but who still has that menacing quality. Certainly not the pathetic fat old sod I see before me, but of course I realize now that's what I should've expected all along."

"I should tell you I wasn't expecting you to be a Brit. Most of the kids my colleagues send to tail me are police academy rejects. Did you come here so you could carry a gun? Some people say I look like Elliott Gould, by the way," Johnny sighed.

"You'll look like that guy in 'Silence of the Lambs' when I'm done, you know the one that was flayed and strung up on the prison bars? Cutting angel wings out of your back skin won't help you get out of Hell, though," Spike said.

"So, you're supposed to intimidate me out of it? You think Peterson would have picked someone a little bigger after last time. I'll save you time and tell you I'm not fucking Peterson's wife, and I still have no intention of giving back that money. He has a paranoid personality, and so do I," Johnny smiled.

He made a point not to flinch and to look Spike in the eye, which was far from just looking Spike in the eye without making a point of it. That 'Silence of the Lambs' comment got to him. He was right, whoever was hired to rough him up before had been a lightweight, but they had apparently been hired to rough him up about some lighter manner. It seemed Johnny liked to take other things that weren't his besides little girls, so he was always in a bit of trouble with this one or that. He could always handle the trouble. Johnny liked to fight battles he could win all too easily. At least that was what the files from Wolfram and Hart said. Spike was a little disappointed. He expected a bit of a challenge, at least a mental one before he got physical.

"I'm not what I seem, kid. Maybe to you I look like some doughy loser who tells you to stay away from his daughter, but I could kill you in seven seconds. All I have to do is wrap my hands around your throat and squeeze in a certain way and it'll take your neck apart. It'll take those remaining six seconds for your brain to realize the show is over, but I promise they'll feel like an eternity," Johnny said quietly and pleasantly.

Now Spike did flinch, and Johnny smiled. Of course, Spike hadn't been flinching for the reasons Johnny thought. He could care less what this man said to him, as Johnny's fate would be the same no matter what. However, Spike did care about what the man had said to other people in the past, and that sounded like a well-oiled speech.

"Well, well, well," Spike said, "It turns out this is going to be a bit interesting as you're a talker. Good. Need something to keep the ol' blood in the brain flowing while I work. Not that there won't be lots of blood and other fluids flowing."

Johnny grabbed Spike's windpipe. Spike let him do it of course. Fast for an old man. Scary, if he hadn't been a super-being who didn't need to breathe, let alone a little girl. Spike let him do it because he wanted to see more of Johnny's dance, his evil. He got what he wanted.

"I could do anything to you right now with my hold on your windpipe like this. You can't hold your breath forever, and you don't fool me with this fearless act. Everything wants to live; no matter how low it is. And I could make you scream or I could make you die, but I won't. I'll just give you a little advice. Number one: stop doing whatever drugs it is you're on. I can't even find a pulse. Number two: if rich paranoids are going to hire you to dig up dirt on each other you want to blend in with them. Stop dressing like a teenager, and get a real hair cut," he said, and then turned to go.

"Funny, I think you wouldn't complain about anyone looking like a teen. You seem to fancy them so," he said.

"What are you talking about?" Johnny turned to him his whole body tensing.

"Oh, I think you know," Spike laughed as he circled Johnny.

"No, I don't," Johnny snarled at him.

"Right," Spike said, "Well, let's talk about something you do know about. Let's talk about fear. Seems like you know all about it, even from an insider's perspective since the smell has not so mysteriously appeared on you since I mentioned your love of little girls."

"You're in---" Johnny spoke as he went to grab Spike's neck again, when Spike grabbed his.

"Do you like breaking the fearless ones best of all? I think I did, but not quite like you. For me it was about the rush. The rush of breaking something so alive, but I never much thought about them beyond that. Maybe that's because they were dead, since I killed them and all. But not you. You leave them alive. It seems you like the fear, the control. Me, I'm not a control kind of guy. "

Spike was in luck as they were by the door and the few sad saps in the bar were looking at the telly. He'd hate to have to subdue them. Spike squeezed Johnny's throat, and a funny memory came to his mind. One of Dru. When he was evil he learned how to choke people just enough to make them pass out. It was a handy skill, because he often liked to bring Dru back live food after all. The thing was Dru was so nutty she got it into her head that Spike could do the little trick on her even though she didn't need to breathe. She often asked him to do it for sex play, but it came in handy when he had to control her for her own good.

Johnny was out cold.

"Wake up, Johnny!" Spike said to the big round middle-aged man.

He didn't look much like Elliott Gould in the light of this abandoned railroad shack. It was funny how all the cities left the old-fashioned telegraph stations just up and rotting. Were they paying homage, or did they just not care enough to take them all down? Not everything had changed though; they still had locomotives, so people still left railroad spikes lying about.

Spike pricked Johnny in the ear with one. That woke him up.

"There you are," Spike smiled in game face, "I just wanted to let you know you really are one of the best. She never thought there were others, you know? And I wouldn't have placed you as some kind of mastermind either. You really do a great job looking like the dowdy middle aged Dad. I would just think your daughter was going through a little sullen stage, if I couldn't smell your stench on her."

The man looked at him wide-eyed and silent from the ground. Spike knew it wasn't the torture, and maybe it wasn't even the game face, it was that someone had found out what he was up to. Someone who could do something about it.

"See, you may be good, but I am the best. I loved veal for years. Maybe the things I've done to little girls are worse, maybe they're a little less bad. Both are debatable. See, I always went for the kill not the pain," Spike said as he tore off Johnny' s ear and the man howled in pain just like any other man.

"We both pretend to be something we're not. Well, maybe not so much me. I'd pretend to be a bohemian, a greaser, a mod, a punk…what have you… A bad bad boy and I suppose that's what I am. You'd do anything to get your hands on them, am I right?" Spike said as he held up Johnny's ear.

"Hello," he said into the loose ear as Johnny said nothing, well nothing but pain grunts, "…and you so chatty in the bar. I know what's wrong. You think I'm ripping off that bloody movie where the bloke ripped the ear off that other bloke. Faith would be so cross with me. First I rip off her work on the Watcher and now this. What she doesn't know is I did it first, well okay, second, learned from the best. My Yoda taught me to cut off anything that they have to offer, and to start at the top. But don't do hands arms or legs 'cause then they'll up and die on you too bloody soon. "

"What? Who?...God!" the man yelled out, as if it all became real to him.

Spike hated when they went into shock.

"What? Who? God…All very good questions. What: is the nasty bit of business you did, are still doing. The who: Faith. I am guessing you had to be very forthright with Faith, go straight to the 'I can kill you. I can make you scream,' because she just wouldn't have bought the loving Daddy routine."

"What? Who?"

The man looked up at him with eyes that had themselves seen fear like this in other eyes. The sods could sort of hypnotize themselves out of what was being done to them, or what they did to others. Spike could do it too. When he was being tortured all he thought of was Buffy, but when he was the doer, the torturer, he never denied it. He was here, now. He was paying attention. There was no temporary insanity, no 'I'm-cursed-and-lost-the-soul' bollocks for him.

"Stay with me, Johnny. I already answered those questions. The only thing I didn't answer was the thing about God. God isn't here; it's just me, and we're gonna talk about Faith. Not the kind of faith that people in your situation seem to get real fast, but the kind I'm interested in. Big eyes, smart mouth, hell of a right cross, but sadly probably not when she lived with you. Go on tell me you don't remember her."

"I--I…I remember her. I remember. I--I never hurt her. She came to us a very troubled girl, whatever she told you was--"

"It was what she didn't tell me. It's what you're going to tell me, right now, or you lose the tongue," Spike said, sticking the railroad spike down Johnny's throat and then removing it so he could talk.

"I--She--- You don't understand. I loved Faith, and she loved me. I was the father she always wanted. These kids--they aren't like other kids. They need to be guided--molded. Sometimes Faith, she would get out of hand, so I had to show her who was boss. I had to show her sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. You have to follow through. To teach them that actions have consequences," he said.

It never ceased to amaze Spike how people with missing appendages and various wounds could get out a mountain of words, even though he knew he could when he was in the same situation.

"I agree with that last part. You aren't going to say you're sorry for any of it, are you? You think I'd somehow respect that, but no," Spike tisked.

Spike grabbed and snapped back John's hand. Spike jerked his own head to the side. He felt a sudden smile come to his lips. It was something about being in the killing fields that made his movements become more animalistic.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Faith didn't understand, I thought she did. She acted like it was a game…a test of wills, and I thought she…She liked it," Johnny said and then shut his eyes.

Spike laughed and lit a cigarette, "Oh, I know this game. I know it. It's 'say the worst thing possible and make Spike really really mad so that he gets on with it and kills me already.' I told you I'm the best. Torture really wasn't something I did every night, but when I did do it I made sure it was a thing of beauty, and you aren't going to ruin what I want to do for her."

Spike approached the man's eye with his cigarette.

"Please," Johnny said, and Spike noticed something in the man switched. "I have another daughter now, two actually, but with Reese--- it's not the same she's not-- with her it is all about love. She lets me--- She even wants-- She's all I care about. I love her. Do whatever you want. I'll beg. I'll say what you want. I won't press any charges. I just have to live, because of her. She can't live without me."

"Oh, I think she knows she is far better off without you," Spike found he was frowning, "A thing like you doesn't know how to love right."

"And you do? You're a monster!" Johnny sobbed.

Johnny knew he was going to die; that he wouldn't see his girl anymore. That was all he really cared about. Spike could tell. He wished he couldn't tell. He wished this fucking tosser saw how twisted he was, how much he deserved this. Spike didn't like all this frowning. He smiled again when he thought of something clever to say, and how Faith's torturer would suffer.

"I guess I shouldn't throw the first stone, but I will. I'll throw the second and the third and the fourth too," Spike said as he picked up four railroad spikes.

It was ironic. Spike had spent the last night drinking and having the best time that was possible in this great Boston Brewery. He had discovered it after he got rid of what was left of 'family man' Johnny's body. Now he was outside an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, and no, it wasn't because he "realized he had a problem." He knew he had a problem. These men. They had hurt Faith, and made it so she would always push him away, even if he did nothing to hurt her. He had hurt Buffy, but not Faith. The problem was Faith had already been hurt.

There were a few more of them to be killed. Some of them just beaten, tortured a little, but there were the rest of the men that had wronged Faith, hurt her in some way or another. Johnny had been the worst of them, of course, and now there was the pimp. He'd changed his style here; Spike usually saved the best for last. Oh, who was he kidding; he didn't. He'd wanted to get his hands on the man that first violated Faith so badly it made him shake. He had, but he was still chomping at the bit and the pimp was next.

There wasn't much information about the pimp at old Wolfram and Hart. He had never done any important evil like Johnny had. There was just some petty theft, drugs, and a short account of his relationship with Faith. He had been the one to teach her how to steal, how to con, how to live on the street. She'd learned fast and had done a good job of it without him until the Council found her. That was where the W&H files seemed to lose interest in the pimp. All it said of him now was that he was "an unlikely candidate" for them. Whatever that meant. Too bad he was also a sodding wanker. There was the tale of how he'd tried to sell Faith to some suburban kid, and it didn't quite work the way he had hoped.

Spike saw the pimp walking out of his little gathering. He looked smaller in person somehow. Maybe that was because he had been talking to some girl that weighed twice as much as him for a while. He had the whole current Beatles retro-hair, and the pretty-boy young face with the dreamy brown puppy eyes. He was also built like an Olympic swimmer, and God help him if he made a crack about Spike being shorter than him. Still, there was something about the boy that made Spike unsure that it was the pimp. It wasn't like it had been with Johnny-boy. Spike thought the man had looked pathetic, but he never doubted it was him. This boy didn't look pathetic for someone who was outside an AA meeting.

"You are Ron Schilling, aren't you?" Spike sauntered up and asked.

"Not if this is another subpoena, I'm not," he muttered.

Not giving Spike any of the friendliness he had given to the big girl he had been talking to. Spike's eyes narrowed. He knew the type now. This was a boy who got the girls to do whatever he wanted, even sell themselves.

"Hey Ronnie," Spike said, "Remember Faith? And if you start going on about how you found it in AA, I'll gut you."

He already had the kid up against the brick wall by his cute little bad-boy denim jacket. The wall had chalk drawings of flowers and smiling stick figures. Why did AA hold their meetings at sodding primary schools? At least it wasn't a bloody church.

"Faith? Did you just…never mind…Say whatever it is you have to say," the boy answered dully.

Why was it the men in Faith's past weren't surprised when they were about to get roughed up? It didn't matter, Spike could make them surprised.

"Yeah, asshole," Spike said, "This is about Faith and what you did to her!"

"Is this Faith who is totally hot Faith? With the big eyes and the big mouth and the voice? ...because she's the only one I remember. If it's some other 'Faith'; I'm sorry, I can't remember," the boy said.

He tried to get out of Spike's grasp and Spike pushed him back into the wall.

"That's all you have to say? After all you put her through?" Spike demanded.

"Look, I did the rounds. I made amends to everyone I could think of. She was the one I wanted to talk to the most, but I couldn't find her. People said she was dead or in jail or crazy; I never believed any of it. Is she back in town?" he sighed, a too-charming sigh of regret.

"'Is she back in town?'" Spike repeated in outrage, "Like you can just waltz over and make everything all right. I'm--"

The boy tried to push away from Spike, and it just got him another slam into the wall.

"I never said that," the boy sighed, "You are really wiry, by the way. So, where is she? This isn't like her. I'd think if she wanted to see me again ---"

"You think she ever wants to see you again?" Spike roared.

This kid really did have balls thinking that, when Faith didn't even want to see Spike again.

"You'll never hurt her again. Is this the part where you're going to tell me you never really hurt her, that you loved her so? That the prostitution idea was all to teach her about actions and consequences? How you have some other lil' girl just like her now so---"

"Yeah. Like there's another girl like Faith," he laughed, "Sorry, I'm just having the weirdest acid flashback right now, and you look like you have big teeth, and this really fucked up face and-- I did love her, as much as a Meth-head can love anyone, which wasn't enough."

"Yeah well it wasn't--- I don't care how much you say you loved her! You don't sell out someone you love to the highest bidder," Spike said.

He felt his teeth go back in. He wasn't planning on putting his game face away, but if the kid was going to think it was all in his chemically altered brain, it didn't matter.

"The highest bidder? We couldn't wait that long. We were starving; I was withdrawing. She wanted to go back to her foster home and steal some money, but I said 'no'. That guy was like some military expert who could strangle you, and I was afraid if he didn't strangle us he'd convince her it wasn't so bad, and she'd go back. She said something about how it was too bad she couldn't just screw him for the money, and the brilliant scheme was born," the kid laughed bitterly.

"It was her idea?" Spike asked.

"Dude, I don't remember. I think it was hers, but I took it over. I wanted to make sure it went down okay. Faith, she had a way about her. She acted like she was the one in charge, but then when it was all said and done she handed all the hard stuff over to me ," he said.

"Well, great job, wanker," Spike said

"Dude, tell me about it. It was like that movie 'Indecent Proposal.' If that movie had been about two sixteen year olds instead of Demi Moore and that Cheers guy, and they never really got the money. After that the shit hit the fan. We'd fight. I'd call her a 'ho'; she'd try to stab me--"

"You what?"

"Dude, I was a sixteen year old Meth-head who tried to sell his girlfriend for money. I wasn't the best guy. She wasn't the best chick either, but--"

"Say that again!" Spike growled back to angry.

"Wow, you must have it as bad as I did. It never mattered what she did to me either, or what I did to her. She almost set me on fire once, and all my friends were like, 'Dude!" and I was, like, 'I love her, man.'"

The boy sighed.

Why wasn't he afraid? Maybe because Spike had not yet done any actual hitting. With Johnny it had all gone so smoothly with fists and windpipes and bone crunching. This was turning out to be much harder.

"Well, she's not like that anymore. She doesn't try to set you on fire, at least not on purpose. She got better," Spike said.

"I'd love to believe that. But if she's so better-- she doesn't know you're here, does she!" the kid smiled, like he won a prize.

"Shut up! It doesn't matter!" Spike let go of the boy and turned away from his smile, only to turn back a grab him again, "None of it bloody matters! She's all that matters. You hurt her, and you have to--have to be punished."

"She dumped you didn't she? She said you were just as bad as the last guy, and how did my name come up, because I KNOW I couldn't have been the last guy," the kid laughed.

Finally, Spike socked him in the face. It wasn't as hard as he wanted. The boy probably moved or something.

"I didn't mean it like that! Jesus Christ! You know how long it's been since I've had my nose broken," the kid put his hand over his nose and laughed painfully.

"Talk a little more about yourself and I'll rip your tongue out. I don't care about your sad tale. I only care about her, and you have to die for her," Spike threatened.

Now he was finally getting his show on. He had to remember what his goal was, and not lose site of it. This was all for the woman he loved, Faith.

"Dude, none of this is about her; it's all about you. You and your sad tale--that's all you really care about," the boy said looking down at him with pained brown eyes.

"What?"

"She isn't here. She doesn't want you to do this. Not if she's really changed like you say, anyway. This is all because of issues you have coz she kicked you to the curb. It was like when me an' her broke up and I tracked down the guy that didn't pay us. I tore into him like a bottle of hard to open pills," he said.

"You did?"

"Yeah, and then of course the cops got me, and I went to Juvey and I blamed him and Faith and everyone else in the world. It didn't make me feel any better," he said.

Bloody boy! Could he talk anymore about himself? Spike was starting to miss the other fellow, who only wanted to talk about how it was Faith's fault.

"You have no idea who you're dealing with," Spike said.

"I kinda have some idea. A really pissed-off guy who just got dumped by Faith and wants to blame her for all his anger problems by beating up her ancient history boyfriends," the kid said and Spike pushed him back into the wall again, "…He's also wicked strong."

"Listen, I don't have bloody anger---I'm certainly not blaming Faith; I'm helping her!" Spike grumbled as he shook the boy until he ralphed on Spike.

Great.

"How is my booting on your shoes helping her? If you really want to do this--do it, but don't say it's for her," the kid coughed.

"Oh, like I'm going to listen to the guy I want to beat to a bloody pulp. He'll have a sensible argument as to why I shouldn't do it," Spike rolled his eyes.

"Do what you want. I'm just sayin', you can't blame other people for your own actions. Every choice you make---"

"Shut the hell up with that twelve step crap! I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I never blamed my girl for anything. Well, there was the whole throwing Buffy out incident, but that was before we were--No one has to blame Faith for anything; she blames herself for all of it. She thinks she brings out the worst in everyone, when it's just that people unload their worst on her."

"Yeah, I bet she goes back and forth blaming herself for everything, then blaming you. It's classic co-dependent behavior."

"Don't you talk that drivel about her. She--" Spike was about to give the kid what-for until he heard something.

"Spike!" a man's voice hissed.

"Dude, you're name is 'Spike?' Kind of eighties," the boy said as Spike turned.

"Oh bugger. This is just a great cherry on top of the day. What are you doing here?" Spike demanded.

This was ridiculous. He needed a cigarette to figure this out. Robin Wood was standing there. He looked all indignant and righteous. Well, that was his look, wasn't it? Still, he wouldn't be here, unless…

"Is it Faith? Is she all right? Does she need me?" Spike asked.

"I'm here to get you. Not for Faith. She's great without you. Faith isn't the one who needs you," Wood said in an even more righteous way than usual.

"Well, what then? Is it Buffy?" Spike sighed.

"Buffy? She's not even here. I guess any Slayer will do, huh?"

"Oh, sod off and get to the point!" Spike grumbled.

He'd been so surprised and worried about why Wood showed up that he'd forgotten how the bloody righteousness of the man annoyed him.

"Why wouldn't Faith be okay? I thought you said she was off the street. Who's Buffy? What's a Slayer? Is that a code word? You guys aren't, like, some high class pimps, are you?" the kid asked.

"No!" Spike shouted and Wood seemed to agree.

"I love Faith," Spike said to the boy, "I wouldn't use her no matter how bad off I was, I'm not like you. "

"No, you're not like me. I didn't go after my girl friend's exes when she dumped me," the boy said.

Bloody hell! Now he was being all holier than thou. Talk about a bloody hypocrite.

"Who is this?" Wood asked.

"It's Faith's ex. He did her more wrong to her than you or I. He was her pimp, kind of. I was going to let him off with these bruises, but if he keeps squawking at me I might---"

Spike stopped dead as Wood went over and zapped the boy with a tazer. God, Spike hated those things.

"Bloody Hell!" Spike scoffed. "He was mine, Wood. You oughta be careful with those things, by the way. You could kill a person if you're not careful. I don't think you killed him, but you should get him to a hospital or some place they can make him right again. "

"Great idea," Robin smiled.

Spike didn't know if hospitals could help people who'd been hit by tazers. Could it fry a regular human person to death? Spike didn't know. He just knew they had two kinds. The kind that zapped you paralyzed so you could still talk, and the kind that zapped you unconscious. Spike really preferred to avoid both kinds. Both types of tazers seemed to be the products of old Captain Cardboard's Initiative and now Wood had one as well as Faith's old Watcher. Faith's old Watcher who happened to appear next to Wood now with his pissy Watcher expression.

"Call an ambulance," he said into his little cell phone, like he really enjoyed using it.

"Do you have to be an annoying pompous bastard to get one of those zappers? Is there some kind of personality test? What the bloody hell are you two doing? The sight of the two of you together doesn't bring back the most pleasant of memories. Because if I remember correctly the last time the two of you played James Bond, Faith almost died and the Hellmouth opened," Spike said.

"We're stopping you, Spike," Wesley told Spike.

Wesley prayed they were here in time to save the boy. The boy's face looked bloody.. This was right. It was the right thing to do. There would be complications. Working with the New Watchers was going to be nothing like he had dreamed. Especially with Alistair Crowley at the wheel, but it was still what was best.

"Stopping me from what exactly? Being miserable without Faith? The two of you should love it. She left me over you," Spike said.

"Yes, it's all about you, isn't it?" Wood sneered and then his whole demeanor softened, "Wait, Faith left you for me?"

The black man with his large frame, so similar to Angel's, looked over at him in boyish hurt for a second. Wesley liked Robin Wood. He reminded him a lot of Bernard Crowley, but when it came to Faith he lost all sensibility.

"Not you, Mr. Pumped Principal," Spike scoffed, "The Watcher. She couldn't stand the fact that I gave him the beating he rightfully deserved for wanting to use black magic on her a second time."

"Black magic was the only safe way to get that shadow demon out of Faith. You're so…That wasn't the first time you used black magic on Faith?" Wood turned to Wesley.

Yes, Spike was clearly not the only one whom Faith had thinking with their balls instead of their brains. Spike was smart enough to use that to his advantage, to try and turn Wood and Wesley against each other. Wesley had to watch out for that. He had to watch everyone, all the time now, he realized.

"Wood, please," Wesley tried to keep patient, "Can we stay focused on the task at hand and not get caught up in past happenings or relationships. We have to get to the bottom of this so everyone can be safe."

"So, you're here because you're worried about my welfare. That's sweet," Spike smirked.

"We're stopping you from killing people. You're not going to get another soul," Wes said as he looked down at the unconscious bloody boy.

It was starting to mist here in Boston, and it made Wesley remember London rain. New England indeed.

"Great," Spike rolled his eyes, "because getting the one was a bloody bitch. What are you going on about, Watcher? Killing people? I'm not---Oh, right Johnny boy. That's one for our side, mate, believe me."

And how often in Old England had Wesley faced down a vampire with a confident smirk. Well, not often. Never. He'd been bookish and awkward in London, but that was where he had learned all about Spike after all.

"Why should I believe you?" Wesley asked.

Spike liked questions. He liked dares. His downfall was usually distraction, and if they could distract him long enough they could capture him and get the chip back in his head. Then Wesley would have one less danger to worry about. He could continue to work with the New Council to attempt to control all demons. One had to think in terms of preemptive strikes these days. Wesley was right to change his mind about this.

"Yeah, how do we even know what side you're on? You could have lost the soul when you--you screwed Faith. Isn't that how it works?" Wood sneered.

Oh that was ridiculous. If things worked like that almost every man in Sunnydale, between Faith and Buffy, would have lost their souls. Wesley was glad that he hadn't said that out loud as the vampire and Wood argued on pointlessly. These two men loved Faith, didn't they?

Wesley knew how it was to be locked in competition for the affections of a woman one truly loved. It could bring out one's worst. Not to mention one's worst, most careless mistakes. Vigilance that was what was needed to keep everyone alive. It was better if the woman you loved was alive, and your hopes to be with her sacrificed, than having her dead.

Wesley watched as the ambulance came and Wood somehow seemed eager to deal with the ambulance crew for the young man. He knew Wood would do a good job of creating a cover story, as he wasn't about to sacrifice Spike to some bumbling police squad. Yes, Robin Wood seemed very eager to have Spike get that chip back in his brain. It was understandable, with all he had gone through with the vampire. However, Wesley did wonder whether personal grievances were sufficient motives to do this sort of thing. Then, Wesley reminded himself of the beating and torture he took from Spike over Faith.

Yes, the vampire had his reasons for doing that, but what if Spike one day thought he had reason to torture Fred? Indeed Fred had things people wanted. However, none of this mattered; Spike was killing again. Wesley vowed to himself that he was going to be as vigilant as possible to protect Fred-- and anyone else--against all possible evil. Fred was surrounded by evils at Wolfram and Hart. Constant vigilance was the only way…

"Hello?" the vampire Wesley had come to capture was calling to him as he tried to light a cigarette in the cold damp night . Wood was busy with the ambulance crew.

"I'm askin' you if you think I lost my soul. I can understand why you think I had perfect happiness with Faith, I did, but where you lose me is where you think I'm like your boss. If you're looking for another wayward Daddy to take down you're gonna be disappointed, Percy," the vampire said as he lit his fag successfully.

"I have to say both theories that you lost your soul or that you are anything like Angel are highly dubious, but you're killing people and I can't afford to live in the gray anymore," Wes said evenly.

Percy? Where had he gotten that one? Wesley liked Ex-Watcher far better, but he wasn't going to be baited. Not anymore.

"Can't afford to live in that kind of gray?" Spike laughed, "So, you left Cali and came to the soupy skies of New England to slap me on the wrist? Oh, Percy, Percy, you have to tell Angel Daddy Boss to start taking you on business trips with him."

"You don't know me at all, Spike. What I'm capable of. What I can do. You were the one that needed Angel to teach you about killing and evil. I've done my best work alone," Wesley said.

"What happened, Watcher, did you kill a man? Got some blood on your nice clean knickers," Spike tilted his head like a curious but amused teen looking at a dirty magazine he had seen many times before.

"As a matter of fact, I did just kill a man and it wasn't thanks to Angel. I owe it all to Dawn Summers. Yes, I owe the life of the only person that matters to an eighteen year old girl nosing around in my files because she's obsessed with finding information on her inter-dimensionally misplaced sister," Wesley laughed.

He didn't know why. His head hurt as he did it, but it felt good. Maybe it was because he realized how ridiculous and true what he had just said was. Maybe it was because he was relieved to say it rather than to get into some verbal cockfight about which of them relied on Angel more. That was what Wes expected. They always said to expect the unexpected with Spike.

"What? I knew Dawn interning at that fascist corporate hell would lead to no good! What have you done to her? I'll kill you," Spike held Wesley by the shirt as he threatened him more quietly and more sincerely than one would have thought.

More unexpectedness. Wasn't this vampire only supposed to be obsessed with one woman at a time?

"It's not what I've done to her, it's what she's done for me. She discovered that one of our employees was planning on using Fred's body as a host for some kind of Goddess," Wesley still laughed.

Oddly, he stopped when the vampire let go of him and sat next to him. Getting hit was one thing he was prepared for. It would match the psychic beatings he had been taking lately.

"You don't say. Good for Dawnie then. So, you killed the tosser, of course," Spike sighed.

"Of course," Wes answered.

"Torture?" Spike asked as he offered Wes a fag.

Wes shook his head." No, it was more of a passion killing," Wes told him, "When we confronted him he started making a grand speech about how Fred was so beautiful and pure. That was why she apparently deserved the honor of being the host, and I shot him rather than listen to another bloody word."

"Like you shot your robot Dad?" the vampire asked.

Wesley was sure he was gaping as he hadn't ever expected to have to answer a question like that from Spike.

"Connor told me," the vampire shrugged, "You do like your fire arms, and that cute Fred."

"She's the only woman I've ever really loved," Wesley said.

He said it much more strongly than he meant to. He was sure he'd have to endure teasing from Spike for being a love-sick wanker with a small Johnson or some such. He was glad they would inevitably find a way to subdue Spike, and get that chip in his head and be done with it.

"So, now you're off playing Captain America AKA Captain Stick my nose in another man's vengeance. Why aren't you with her?" Spike asked.

Wesley wished that Spike would stick to hostility instead of asking insightfully probing questions.

"I was, for a few days. We hadn't even…I wanted to do things right, slow," Wesley tried to explain to Spike's raised eyebrow.

"Thank God I never thought of--- Wait, did she die anyway or something?" he gasped.

"No, she's alive, thank God, but she's furious with me. We're through. She said she didn't agree with my decision to kill Knox. She doesn't understand. There was no decision; if you hurt her, if you threaten her like that, you have to die," Wesley said.

"Women!" Spike scoffed, "Why can't they just understand? Do you think it goes back to their maternal instincts?"

"That's a theory. Maybe they see that every man, no matter how foul, was once someone's son."

"What does that tell about us killing our parents and all?"

"I never---I'm nothing like you!" Wesley rose with the tazer in his hand now, "You're killing people. Innocent random people, or ones that just happen to brass you off or turn you on, and I can't have that. You, Spike, are a shade of gray, and I can't allow any of that anymore. Don't you see? It was my turning a blind eye to the ambiguities of the demon world that almost made me lose---The reason that I somewhat did lose Fred!"

"You sodding selfish hypocrite! You think you were blind before, well, now you're in Miracle Worker territory. Do you know who that man was I killed?"

"Yes, Spike. That man you killed was John Devero, one of Boston's greatest philanthropists. Though he uses his status as a war hero a bit obviously. What happened Spike? Did he step on your toes? Challenge your manhood? Same as this one, who you beat unconscious? " Wesley demanded.

This felt better. This felt right. Yes, the vampire was holding him by his coat and he had no way of getting the physical advantage, but he should be yelling at this man--this demon--for what he had done.

"I didn't beat the boy unconscious Wood came along and---"

"Were you going to torture him with a railroad spike too? Burn his eyes out with cigarettes? All because your girlfriend left you? Do you really think I wouldn't watch you after what I knew you were capable of? Do you really think I would let you?"

"I think you should let me have a second chance at you for not doing this for me! If you were any kind of a Watcher, if you were any kind of a man, you would at least know who these men really are that I'm after! You don't really give a toss about her! You really are just as bad as---"

Wesley heard a familiar buzzing sound and he felt Spike's grip loosen as he fell unconscious. Wood was standing there tazer in hand.

"I love these babies," he smiled, "There are days I'd love them for the classroom, but I think people would complain."

"Thank you," Wesley said to Wood evenly, "But I wish you hadn't done that in a way. He was going to tell me why he had done it, in his ever so charming way."

"Yeah, and just when he got to the part where we all realized he had a heart of gold you would have looked like that first guy we didn't get to save," Wood said.

"I was handling it," Wesley said.

"Yeah, that's the idea. We're handling it now," Wood said.

Wesley nodded, a little relieved. Had he been expecting a Gunn-like joke: _Yeah, you were hand ling it real well with that face turning blue plan. You were trying to scare him away with that, right?_

Spike looked smaller, unconscious. Wesley realized he wasn't very big at all, as Wood grabbed one of Spike's arms to put him in the van and Wood's arm looked so large next to it. Wood was like Angel though. He made Faith look positively tiny when she went near him. Wesley knew Faith had had an obvious falling out with the vampire, but still he was sure she wouldn't like this. Neither would Angel, but Angel would listen to reason. Besides, who said it was their decision? They were both too close to the situation to see it clearly. Spike was dangerous and he had to be controlled in some way. It wasn't as if Wesley was entrusting Spike into someone else's care. He would be overseeing what happened. He planned to do a lot more of that at Wolfram and Hart and everywhere else. He was going to be looking through the walls wherever he was to spot imminent danger.

TBC...

"Another chance to fight. Another way to make it right

So forget all of your chances

It's up to you to follow through

Forget the way she was

Cause it's the things she does the make me

Sing about her

She knows I care about her

She said: 'Be gentle boy

You show lack of character

Let me work this out

Before I come back to you.'

I know you sometimes hate the stupid things I do"

New Found Glory: All for her


	6. More or Less 6 Our Time is Running out o...

Summary:

Faith wants Connor to clear his mind, only to have Buffy and Spike visit hers. Connor has others messing with his mind, and Faith plans to make a mess of her own when she learns the truth about Spike. 

(Connor, Faith & Kennedy friendship, Xander,Willow & magic, Willow/Kennedy, Faith/Spike, Buffy/Faith,Dream-verse,Action, Sahjhan,Sex, Bloodlust, mild slash, het, h/c) 

Notes: Feedback appreciated. I DO take into account what people want. Don't worry if certain people weren't around much. They'll be back. 

THANKS to Rooibas this time for betaing. She also said: "With your stories I have to set aside time and prepare for a full meal." Bon appetite, guys! 

More or Less 6- Our Time is running out (or Sahjhan's Return)

"Wait, wait. I don't get it," Faith said, "This shit makes no sense."

She laughed as she lay on her bed's dark green bed-spread and blew out pot smoke towards Connor as he was flopped down next to her. If he could only get a little closer he could get a shotgun off of the smoke she blew out.

"It's not supposed to make sense. It's a myth. They're archetypes for the phenomena of human nature—desire, jealousy, birth, life and death," he said as bits of thoughts swirled up in his head as she passed him the joint.

He had thoughts of archetypes and why the world needed them. Weren't they just more lies, or the truth simply because they were said to be. Is that what archetypes really were? He thought of Jasmine.

He felt a flash of panic that he hadn't felt in a while. The one that came when he wasn't being the person that he was needed to be. Then Faith burst out laughing.

"You got that right," she said, "It's a bunch of guys trying to get laid and their bitches reeking havoc on the chicks that screwed them instead of their men. Totally life, what I don't get is why Hera bothered to mess with these chicks. She really should be messing with Zeus. Make his dick break off if he screwed anyone else."

"She couldn't. He was too powerful. The only way she could get her revenge was through his ho's," Connor said, happy he could add something.

"If Zeus was so powerful why did he have to trick her into getting married with that weird ass pretending to be a lamb and then fucking her thing. Why didn't he just do a love spell, or whatever Gods do?" Faith said.

"That doesn't work I guess, even a god can't create love if it isn't there. I never thought about that. One of the few limits of Zeus's powers is he couldn't truly get what he wanted—love. Even though one of his affairs created Aphrodite and she—"Connor thought he was having some kind of epiphany or something, and he was glad when Faith interrupted him.

"It was kind of a cool punishment for that one chick though. The one that fell for the reflection guy. All she could say was what he said back to him. So, he had to be all 'Stop copying me, bitch!'" Faith said.

That made Connor laugh until his stomach hurt as he thought of Narcissus really saying that to Echo.

"Of course, if someone really was in love with themselves they'd love someone just saying back what they said. It would be like another reflection to be in love with. Maybe deep down he really hated himself. I mean, he ended up cutting himself up and growing into that flower," Faith sighed as she rolled over on her back in her red tank top.

"It wasn't just him she could repeat back to others too. Anyone who talked to her," Connor said as he watched Faith close her eyes.

"Ug! She was probably mad crazy in no time. Having to say other people's dumb ass shit. What was her name again?"

"Echo," Connor said softly as he studied the side of her face carefully.

She looked a little tanner. It must have been from staying in that glass house with Spike. She had the faintest freckles on her forehead.

"Right, duh," she said and suddenly she had rolled over and was looking him dead in the face, "This is what you learn in fancy colleges that cost more money than a slob like me will ever make in my entire life? It's no wonder you are all a bunch of crazy pot heads and the world is falling to shit."

All of Connor's self-consciousness fell away with her tone, and her lively eyes. He laughed again with her.

"I wished you had been in my Greek Mythology class. It would have been so much better. How did this whole conversation start anyway? Were we talking about Jasmine?" he asked, really not remembering.

"Jasmine?" she said as her brow wrinkled.

"Yeah, the god me and Cordy made and she tried to make the world into a mindless dystopia, you know?" Connor said.

"Oh, that," Faith said, "No, it wasn't that. I was telling you Angel loves you, and you said something about Angel only being able to love his own reflection, and than I said 'Dude, I'd agree with you as most guys do that, but Angel doesn't have a reflection.' And then I said 'Imagine someone who really was in love with their reflection, and then they became a vampire. Tough break.' And then you started telling me about the narcissism guy, and I kept asking about it. So, you told me about Hera and Zeus and Echo."

"Oh, I'm kind of a dork, huh?" Connor laughed.

He talked too much when he was stoned, and he often had no idea what he was saying. He shouldn't do this with her anymore.

"Totally, but I'm sure your brain will save our lives, as much as your brawn. In fact, I don't know what you need me for. All of this 'I must train Connor in Sunny-D crap' is probably just an excuse to relive my glory days I never had through you. Talk about in-love-with-myself-guy-tendencies. I should be shot or at least beaten," she said, and smiled sadly.

"That's not you. That's Angel. I do need you. I tried to kill myself and I beat up Wes, remember?"

"Yeah," she said coyly, "What the hell were you trying to do those things without me for? Those are my areas of expertise, man."

"Right, see," Connor said.

"No more," she smacked his hand as he went to take the joint from her, "This is just a simple homeopathic remedy used to clear your head, grasshopper. Since you refuse to meditate. Don't get too crazy with it."

She pinched out the joint with two fingers that had nails painted some shade of blue.

"To clear my head, huh?" Connor grinned, "It sure beats magic."

"Magic and weed are the same. You can use 'em both for your own good cause, but everyone thinks everyone else isn't using it right. They think they're the only ones who know how," Faith grumbled.

She seemed to be giving him that look of misery now. Oh no. All was not well. He had to bring up magic. He really was an idiot. He wanted to keep her happy. He had never seen her as miserable as when she broke it off with Spike. She even looked more miserable than the few times he'd seen her cry. He'd almost rather have crying than the way she was then.

"Fucking Dick! None of his fucking business!" Faith sneered.

"I thought we weren't going to mention his name," Connor said softly.

"Did I mention that jack-off's name?" Faith said.

He had opened up the Spike door again. She was so angry at Spike; it seemed like she carried around this loaded gun full of Spike fury and no matter what Connor did he just would set it off sometimes. Actually, she did carry a loaded gun—literally these days, unlike the Spike anger it had a safety. Connor had designed wooden tipped bullets, and Faith couldn't stop raving about them. So, one year of engineering class and that Blade Two movie had been worth something.

It was Spike that started to call Connor "Blade." So, he thought it would be good to see the movies. After he did he was glad Faith stopped calling him that, and that Spike was gone. Blade really had vampire in him, and Connor was sure he didn't—not the demon part anyway. Was that what Spike thought? Connor thought it might be better just to forget about Spike. But, it was like the summer he sank his father into the ocean. Things kept popping up that made it hard to forget about him. The vampires they fought, and mostly killed, even wanted to know where he was. At least Faith had finally stopped smelling like him. Connor didn't think anyone else knew it, but that had taken forever to go away. They must have had a lot of sex in that house before Connor and Angel showed up. Like constant sex and touching with him all over her. Spike had a strong smell, like leather, cigarettes, and something like snow, but it didn't drown out Faith's clove and milky smell. It just mixed with it enough to mess with Connor's head.

"…own fucking choices. I chose to go down!" Faith had been in the middle of saying something, "Wes didn't push me. I wanted to do the spell to save that Brit bastard and I know I wanted to do the spell to save Angel. He thinks I'm some kind of idiot that just says 'yes boss' and Wes pulls my strings. Bastard."

Yeah. Connor didn't know what was with vampires with souls, but he started to realize that they were probably all big hypocrites. So Spike had been shutout. He couldn't be with Faith anymore. Just because a girl decides that she doesn't want to date you doesn't mean you totally leave if you are needed. Not that Connor couldn't handle being the only super-being on the Hellmouth. Spike still was a bastard.

"And he brought you in on hurting Wes. That's just the fucking creamy filling of it," Faith said.

Spike was a bastard, but not for anything that Faith was mad about.

"Faith, Spike didn't bring me anywhere, okay?" Connor said firmly, "I beat up Wes because I thought it might save your life, and—and I did it because I wanted to. And I'd do it again. I might not hurt him as much, but I'd confront him. There'd be bruising."

"That's just because the dick pumped you full of testosterone, and don't mention his name!" she said.

Her eyes blazed as she shot up on the bed. Good. It was better that she be angry with him that meant he wasn't selfish. He wasn't trying to get something from her. A good man would make sure she would know the truth. All of a sudden Faith was laughing now.

"Did you hear what I just said? Spike pumped you full of testosterone. God, I hope that wasn't what happened," she said with that raspy laugh behind her words.

"It wasn't," Connor said earnestly. Then he felt his face fall as he realized the joke.

"Oh God. It really wasn't," he said, but then felt himself laugh a little.

"I don't think you get what happened. I don't think you get why we did it," Connor sighed as he sat up on the bed.

"I get it all right," she said, "I get that the guy who I gave up all my mojo for and screwed for the better part of a week who was all like 'Oh, I believe in you. You're the most amazing hero in the fucking world,' totally proved otherwise when he _blamed_ Wes for the few heroic decisions I did make. He doesn't believe in me. He should have just let me go down for him like I wanted since he thinks I'm so fucked up—some crazy dumb ass who needs fixing. I was already in a relationship like that and it didn't end well."

"I know Spike—he-- doesn't think you're crazy, and I really don't think the Principal thought you were crazy. I think he just wanted you all to himself. I can't really say I bla---"

"I'm not talking about Robin," she scoffed, "I'm talking about her---Someone I have no right to talk about. Forget it. You know how it is. "

He didn't really. She frowned as she looked over at this Barbie she had in her room that she gave a punk rock makeover to and put in dirty poses with a Ken she did the same with.

"You—you dated a woman? It was in prison, right? And she thought you were crazy? Was it because you told her about vampires and stuff? I knew I could never tel---"

"No," she sighed, "Well, yeah but that's not what I'm…Just forget it my head hurts."

"Look, I may have no idea what you're talking about. But, I'm not some dumb kid, okay. I'll be twenty-one in a few weeks," he said.

"Oh, happy birthday. We should have a party. For real. Not like a formal cotillion, or anything. I wouldn't know how to go about doing that, but---"

"I'm just saying, I don't know why you're so mad at Spike over Wes," Connor said, "A formal cotillion?"

He had to stay focused. He'd love to go off with her and have a party, but it wasn't what she needed. He had to stay good, get this out, because it was the truth. She looked at him like he sprouted a second head.

"I mean, I understand why you're mad because Wes is your friend. But these other things that you have been saying, Spike didn't think you were crazy or fucked up. He didn't think that you were too stupid to make your own decisions. He just didn't agree with your decision. He didn't think a Slayer should be dying for a vampire whether it was him or Angel before him. Both times it was Wes that made that decision possible and this ti---"

"Because I wanted him to! After all I did to Wes, after I hurt him," Faith snapped, "he did what I asked, and Spike had no right to—"

"But he did," Connor said plainly even though he had a lump in his throat, "It was him you were going down for this time, not Angel. He had a right to try to stop it just as much as you had a right to go for it. If you both didn't do that one of you would be dea---"

"Did they have formal cotillions for boys?" Faith asked as she looked at the ceiling.

"What?" Connor must have been more stoned than he realized or maybe less, since he had heard right and she had really mentioned a cotillion.

Faith had gone under her covers and nestled in them in a way that reminded Connor of his dog walking a circle on his bed before he lay down in it. She had her eyes closed, but her forehead was still creased as she spoke, like she was thinking hard.

"Did they have formal cotillions for boys? You know those fancy Victorian parties where people dressed up. Did they have them for boys—like when you turn twenty-one? I always wondered what it would be like to have a fancy party with streamers, or I guess they have stuff that's better than streamers. I'm so white trash, and I keep hanging out with people who aren't and then I wonder why stuff doesn't work out. You should go home for your birthday. You know, to your other family. Have a real party. Cake and ice cream."

"I don't want to go home for my birthday. I'm fighting with my---I'll just call them. A cotillion? That's like a dance they had for girls they wanted to marry off, right? There's a way to get rid of me that Angel never thought of."

"Angel never wanted to get rid of you. It was just what he had to do. He missed you, and you came back. It's like that Sting song, if you love somebody and that shit…"

Her voice trailed off. Connor heard her breathing change and her pulse. It was amazing all the noises he had learned to block out. She looked different when she was asleep. Pensive, but more peaceful. Maybe that was why she liked doing it so much, that and meditating. Faith wanted him to meditate but the idea of clearing his mind was terrifying. What would be in that clearing? He didn't want to be lost in his own thoughts. He didn't think he could be, and---

"Hey, Yo!" Kennedy bellowed, "We got a call."

"Shit!" Connor jumped at her sudden burst into the room.

"Aren't you, like, supposed to be able to hear me from 5 miles away? Isn't that part of your M.O., wonder boy? What kind of training are you doing in here, anyway? Yeah, figures you'd only get the kind of training you want when she's asleep," Kennedy smirked.

"You just wish it was you here instead of me," Connor grinned.

It had taken him a while to figure Kennedy out. He'd never really met a girl like her. Did she just really hate everyone who wasn't Faith or her girlfriend? Then, Connor realized she was exactly like most of the guys he knew in baseball in his one year in college. They were on a team together and the more of a dick they were to you the more they liked you, unless you were some girl they had a thing for.

"Damn straight! I should be the one that gets trained by the Chosen one, we are fellow Slayers, but she has some fucked up idea that I wouldn't like being told what to do, that it would ruin our friendship. Not that I don't already have all the moves to out move her powerless ass," Kennedy huffed.

"Yeah," Connor said, "I bet all your Watchers wanted to kill themselves after just minutes in a room with you."

"Yeah, fuck off," Kennedy muttered and then said firmly to Faith's sleeping still body, "Rise and shine, Watcher bitch. We got a call."

"Don't," Connor snapped more severely than he meant to, "What kind of call?"

"Routine," Kennedy said, "Willy's bar. Some vamps brought some unsuspecting Co-eds in and Willy thinks it's only a matter of time before they feast."

"And the reason we don't tear that place down is…?"

"Where would we get all our info if not for shady Willy?" Kennedy shrugged, "I know how it is, dude. You train all your life and you think it's gonna be a certain way, you'll be Wonder Woman kicking ass and not bothering to take names. Next thing you know a world full of demons are after you and you're depending on a half-vampire as your only real muscle."

"I am not a half-vampire!" Connor said, "And I never fantasized about being Wonder Woman. Maybe doing Wonder Woman but---"

"Who says you can't do both? Too bad you didn't. You have the legs for it. She's gonna kill me if I don't wake her up for this one," Kennedy said looking down at Faith, "For some reason she takes vamps messing with spoiled clueless chicks very personally."

"Lucky for you," Connor said.

"Lucky for me nothing!" Kennedy said, "I may be spoiled, but I was never clueless. I was raised to know what I was and who I could be from the beginning. My father had me holding a cross-bow at four."

Kennedy tromped over Faith's old Indian rug and over some comic books to where the modified wooden-bullet shooting long-range rifle was.

"Good job with this by the way, McGuyver. There's more than one reason to keep you around."

"Sounds lucky to me to have always known. Most of us didn't."

Kennedy stood in front of the poster of Sid Vicious flipping the room off, and looked straight into Connor's face and that made him realize how she normally never did that.

"Don't you have like a literal double life? One where you're the nation's most valued treasure- a white suburban male, and the other where you've always been a lean mean half-vamp fighting machine? That sounds pretty—"

"I'm not a vampire," Connor said quietly but he knew he was glaring at the girl. He knew she didn't mean anything by it, but he was in no mood for it.

He looked away from her before it was an obvious glare that she'd have to say something about.

"C'mon," he sighed and started walking out the door, "Let's just get this over with. Maybe they'll be grateful and we'll get some phone numbers."

"Okay, with the way my relationship is going, it might be good to have some back up numbers. Too bad this town isn't overflowing with red head genius goddesses that want a commitment," Kennedy said and before Connor could stop her she was over Faith shaking her with the rifle down by her side.

"You did it to yourself…" Faith's voice muttered and trailed off as she slept. Connor knew he could only make it out due to his hearing.

"C'mon sleeping moody, we have damsels to save and sweep off their feet," Kennedy said.

"Don't Kennedy," Connor tried to say in a more pleading than demanding tone, "She should sleep. She has a lot on her mind."

"God damned vampire!" Kennedy said as she turned to Connor and picked up the rifle.

Kennedy wasn't slow when it came to knowing about what Faith would have on her mind. She wasn't slow about anything. The rest of these people seemed to be. Connor wasn't sure how much Kennedy's girlfriend or that construction guy with the cool video games wanted to be in the mission. Ever since he came back here with Faith he hadn't really seen them, and he hadn't seen Dawn at all. Word was she saved Fred's life while she was interning at Wolfram & Hart by discovering some file where a guy wanted to use Fred to make yet another evil goddess. He wanted to congratulate her, but he could see why Dawn would avoid him. Connor hadn't exactly been nice to her the last time they talked.

"Do you know where he is?" Kennedy looked at Connor fully again.

There were a lot of people avoiding the mission. Spike was the one Kennedy was asking about. The one Faith had on her mind. Kennedy sneered as she walked away from Faith. She picked up her weapon and aimed it at the wall. Connor was just glad she was listening and not waking Faith. He didn't care if Kennedy bitched about Spike, or started going on about how all men were scum.

"No," Connor shrugged, "How would I know? You think all us beasts have some sort of psychic connection?"

Kennedy snorted as they took off down the paved sidewalks of Sunnydale.

The wind came and whipped around her head and she turned with it to catch it blowing into something solid—a demon, a man, a blond woman that was dying, anything was better than nothing. All she caught was a thick dark lock of her own hair that fell in her face. She hated being outside with the bright sun. Other people would find this big tree and this green green grass a good picnic spot. She didn't—not alone. Nothing was covering her. She was out in the air and it could whip at her like this.

And it did. The wind seemed to be just sitting spinning trying to gather itself, its noise. As it started out to get where it was going it drew out a sound that sounded like a cry, as it sputtered through her body it formed words: "I miss you."

Faith wrapped her arms around herself. She realized she was in a dress. One of those huge old-fashioned dresses that made your ass look big. It was so white it was gleaming in the sun.

Then she was there. Faith saw her from far away. She was in a flowery dress bent over a pond, with her back to Faith, but Faith always knew when it was her. B. She had a very familiar knife in her hand.

"I need help," B said as she looked into the pond.

Faith could see B's wavy reflection looking at her. Her eyes were bluer than usual. She took the knife and stuck it deep into her own chest. Faith only saw the reflection of blood going into the pond and spilling out on her flowery dress. Faith had tried not to flinch when B stabbed herself. She really did. Faith should be used to this crap. B had been dying in her dreams for weeks.

"So, this is the latest version" Faith said dryly, "I get it. You're dead in that other dimension. My condolences. It's not like I can Email you an inter-dimensional grief card."

"You have to let me in. You're shutting me out," B said as she rose from the pond, but still looked towards it.

Even her reflection had that mega-intense pissed off pixie face.

"You were the one that shut me out. You left, and what? Now you're trying to tell me you're dead in that other dimension. What am I supposed to do about it?" Faith yelled and she was going to keep on yelling even though B had turned to face her now.

"I'm not even---hmmm…" Faith had to stop because B had grabbed her by the head just like she had grabbed B once.

But, instead of kissing her forehead B was giving her a real kiss. She no longer had on that stupid flower dress that Faith saw get soaked with blood in the pond's reflection, but she was all in black. Faith didn't even try to fight the kiss, like B had in reality. B was the bad one in the dreams. By now Faith knew this was a dream and none of this mattered or meant anything. So, she took her kiss in the only place left where stuff could surprise her. She shut her eyes and felt how strongly the mouth was cupping hers and how the tongue danced around. In the rawness and strength of it there was a need and tenderness that she knew B would never throw down for her.

"No matter what stupid things I do or say, I still need you. It's because of what you did that everything can be balanced," B whispered as she held Faith's face.

Her eyes were serious huge blue marbles fixed on Faith, but she had a little smile. Her eyes were too blue, her smile too real. Faith had to look away.

"No matter what stupid things I do or say, I still need you too. It's because of what I did everything is NOT balanced. If only I was able to follow your lead and die like I was supposed to, then you'd be able to see. Now you're just gone," Faith said as she burrowed her face in B's black leather now.

"You wanted me to leave, love."

"That's bullshit. You did it to yourself. You messed around with stuff you shouldn't and you had to go. The whole dimension, reality, good and evil, would have collapsed if you stayed. You're not gonna pin your big fuck up on me. I never wanted you to go. I miss you so much it's like a bad teen movie. It just had to be," she said, and maybe dreams weren't even surprising because when she looked up from the chest she was hiding in Spike was there with his stupid puppy eyes.

Those eyes he could never match with the rest of his face. You could cut glass on those cheekbones and that defiant curly mouth with the straightened out bleached hair.

"Now that's black and white, and I don't think that white dress you're wearing is really you," he said.

"You don't know me," she said to him and his eyes that looked like little slits of sky now, "I torture and I kill and I die and I slash and I burn for what's right—I do it, not you, not Wes, not Angel--- me. I do those things, those five things, and you can't know me."

"You do those five things, but what of the other five you do?" he said.

His mouth didn't move when he spoke, but she knew he said it, his eyes had totally changed into these royal-pain-in-the-ass blue marbles that thought they knew everything. And this was another reason why dreams were cool. They didn't need to make sense. He had slid that big beautiful cock right in her and she didn't have to think about how the stupid white dress wasn't off or that he hadn't unzipped anything to un-cage the beast. She just felt it and it didn't feel wrong. She was screwing the guy that she really wanted to be with and that was a rarity. No, it didn't feel wrong as she dug her fingers into the soft wrinkled leather. The only thing that felt wrong was that she wanted to peel the leather off and get under it and she couldn't seem to do it. Maybe it was because he was distracting her by filling her up like a gas pump or because he was pumping away at her like one. Or maybe it was from whispering all the words he was whispering.

Words and words-- always with the words. She was a little too distracted to know exactly what the words were, but they were always good, or about her, about how she was good, or about how he felt she was good, the best. The best words. A Brit talking about his feelings. No a Brit pouring out his feelings as he did something. Did her. He was a talker as well as a doer.

Words, words that he knew her, that he needed her, wanted her, words that said he wouldn't leave—lies. And she hated this, hated dreams, they always fucked her over in the end. Why should they be different than anything else?

"No!" she said and pushed him away.

Maybe into the pond where she first saw B. She didn't know. She turned away—shut her eyes.

"I see the parts you don't, the other side, the reflection. You know I'm not perfect, but you need me. That's why you saved me after all. Gave it all up, that Slayer power, but now we need it again. I need you. You know I would never really leave. Open your eyes," he said.

"What?" she roared and felt it rumble in her throat because when she went to look straight at him he was gone.

"Faith, I think you better get up."

The sky turned grey and black with clouds. They started to funnel and look like an angry, dirty cotton candy machine.

"Faith! Get your ass up. I need you to get up."

The sky was shaking. The clouds were jarring at her. Kennedy was standing over her looking down at her with that severe Latino face.

"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!" Faith croaked.

"No, it's just me. That's the problem. You're gonna freak out, but don't you dare do it at me. It's not my fault," Kennedy said plainly but she sat down on the bed next to Faith and gently touched her arm.

"Fuck!" Faith groaned, "Did you guys smoke all my stuff again? That kid is smoking way too much. I told him a few hits after a night of patrol and that's it. You gotta help me enforce that. C'mon, it's a chance to boss a guy around, K. You must actually like him or something."

"There were so many of them. It was a set up. I think they scared Willy into it and they had needles. They got me with one," K said.

She held out her arm and showed Faith a small pinprick. Was her voice shaking?

"K, what the---?" Faith shot up in the bed the space between her eyebrows ached as Kennedy interrupted her.

Her voice came back firm and steady.

"But, I'm okay. Whatever they were trying to dope me up with didn't work, but it worked on the kid. They took him, Faith."

How could he let this happen? They fucking got him. Captured him like he was some spoiled little rich kid that they were going to hold for ransom. He'd love to think that was what was going on. It would make sense, but none of this made any sense.

What was this? Where was he? Why would they take him? He thought all the people that wanted him had been taken care of. He used to think he was so great at figuring things out—extrapolating, deductive reasoning, logic. It was S.A.T. bullshit that was about as useful as a paddle in shit's creek with no boat.

Connor needed to go over it again. Who would want him? The last people that had were none other than the United States government. They thought he was a terrorist because of what he had done in LA. But, that had been taken care of. That Xander guy had talked to that FBI guy and they made some kind of deal because, apparently, the FBI guy had sex with that Buffy Slayer too and somehow that got Connor off the hook. It shouldn't have had anything to do with that Buffy girl. That FBI guy said he was "sorry" that those soldiers that were out for Connor had almost raped and killed Faith. He said that they were "extremists that didn't reflect the US military's conduct." The FBI guy should have let it go for the sake of Faith, who was the real Slayer.

It seemed the FBI guy had lied and hadn't let anything go at all. The U.S. government lying? Connor would kick himself if his feet weren't chained together. Why hadn't he thought of that? Maybe it was because there were 1,000 other things to think about.

He had been fighting with his parents for the first time in his life. Well, the people he had thought were his parents, and he still thought they were. But, they didn't understand why he had to go and figure out who he was in some suburb in Southern California that had almost fallen into a sinkhole once.

Despite his parent's objections to dropping out of school, Connor started training with Faith, who could actually teach him a lot in her powerless state. She had moves and she was a sharpshooter. But, she still had only human strength, and he had told her, even though he knew less than her he still felt responsible for her safety. She had thought this was really funny.

i "Welcome to the life of a Slayer. That's the thing, as much as a pain in the ass as your Watcher is; you still have to cover their ass. Some days I think I'm dreamin.' The two biggest baddest vamps on earth become heroes and the fuck-up Slayer becomes a weak Watcher, and her Slayer isn't really a Slayer, but a super-being dude! What's next? Is B going to come back and be the bad Slayer?" /i

Connor didn't know about this Buffy chick coming back, or even if Angel or Spike were heroes. Angel had all of his stories about how he was going all over the world to save it, but Connor hadn't seen Angel do anything big in a while. And Spike, where the hell was he?

i Talk is cheap. I know a lot of guys that talk. Show me what you can do. I wanna see it. /i That's what Faith would say if she was here, but Connor was glad she wasn't. It would be humiliating for him for Faith to see him like this. Chained to a chair by a couple of demons.

Connor knew he was better than this. He could figure this out and get out of here. He was in some place with blood red walls. Not what they called "blood red," that bright cheery color, but real blood red. It was maroon-like with old Victorian carvings on the walls. Other than that the room was sparse. There were some chairs and a table and the big glass stained window that was showing the night. It wasn't likely the U.S. government would take him here. This place had a mystical element to it. It was so old the wood was cracking in places, even the floors. Connor noticed the subtle carvings that were in the corner of the room. They looked like angels except they had little horns on their heads like Lorne. A lot of vampires and some demons had taken him. That was for sure. So, the U.S. government was most likely out. As far as Connor had seen the government hadn't taken up with demons, not literally anyway. If it all wasn't humiliating enough he was being guarded by two vampires—two! If only those other demons hadn't gotten him in chains he'd rip them apart, but not before making them talk. For now, he was the one that couldn't talk what with being gagged.

"God damned floor boards!" one of the vampires that captured him grumbled as another laughed.

He had busted a hole in the floor from just pacing around. Why were most vampires idiots?

"What's up with this shit hole, anyway? Part of its mystical Rhoshobi charm?" the other vamp asked.

"No," the other said, "It's termite season, and it's not like they come here everyday. So, it got infested. Big termite problem here in Sunnydale."

"Oh, I just thought the buildings here were for shit."

"No, this place has some of the finest architecture in the world. It's very underrated. It's just that a lot of buildings get abandoned 'cause people get spooked out of them, and then…termites. They're more common in Southern California. You have to keep on top of it."

"Oh."

Connor should be glad they were idiots, while Mr. Home Depo talked he'd give it all away. Rhoshobi? Those were the demons that had been after Spike and Faith, but now that their whole The-Slayer-and-Souled-Vamp-will-together-do-something-evil-and-destroy- the world Prophecy hadn't come true everyone just assumed they were off feeling stupid. Weren't they supposed to be a basically benevolent demon clan? Why were they working with vampires? It all went to show that maybe Holtz was right, and there were no good demons. Now there was a demon standing there glaring at Connor.

It was unmistakably a demon with glowing red eyes and flesh that looked like it was rotting slightly. Connor couldn't help but wince and look away as he remembered Jasmine. The demon he helped bring about that wanted to own the world. This demon was female too. She had a human womanly shaped body, but a face of pure horror. She was the kind of creature that most people would shriek at if they saw it at the movies. It was because they expected a woman, something that should be nice to look at, and they got this.

The demon before him was all too real. Connor couldn't read the demons inhuman glowing eyes, but when she spoke in her booming voice she sounded pissed.

"The Shadow demon rises. The derivation ensued, the joining was completed, the sea boiled with soul fire and demon essence," the semi-rotting scabby faced beast said as she loomed over Connor while he was chained in his chair.

The demon had a book in her hand as her voice seemed to echo in his head. The book looked archaic and had figures etched into the binding. One looked like a dog, the other a goat, one wasn't really a figure. It looked like—like a human heart. This couldn't be good. He knew he had to keep observant to tell Faith everything he saw.

"I—I don't believe you! I just do not believe you," a disappointed woman's voice huffed and it seemed to be coming from the demon.

"I mean it's all written right here in black and white, Sahj. Why? Why do I think you're going to change? It was all about you 1,000 years ago in Athens, and it's all about you now." the agitated voice was coming from the demon.

She closed the book and threw it down on the table with an annoyed thud.

"Whoa," a gruff male voice said, "She didn't mention Athens for three whole days. That's gotta be a record. There was nothing I could do to help you, Mina. You crumbled your own empire. And then there's the little fact that it was more like 2,000 years ago. Let it go."

It was coming from behind the door where Connor couldn't see. He could smell the presence wasn't human.

"Let it go. Let it go, he says," the demon woman said, her sagging flesh shaking with her head as she walked over to where the voice was, "You're the one that is convinced it all comes back to you and your nothing blurb of a prophecy with this little twerp when an entire faith of a demon race thinks otherwise."

He noticed that the demon woman was wearing a tan banana republic dress that his mother had. Connor felt like an idiot for being thrown off by her and he would demand to know everything if he wasn't gagged. He remembered how he used to face completely inhuman things and kill them without batting an eye. Why couldn't he live those memories now?

"An entire demon race my ass. You Rhoshobis can't even agree on whether to put in the toilet paper roll facing up or down. I can name three different ways that the great prophecy is interpreted each more stupid than the next," the male demon said as he stepped into the room.

His face was different than hers, not as bad, but not pretty. The flesh was grey with sores that looked like they were carved into it. He had hair that was very mullet like on his head. Despite that, Connor could tell he was intelligent and of course human like.

"Well, all the Rhoshobis that matter think that it has something to do with that vampire, and that Slayer that got more of her share of demon in her, you have to admit that is something that sounds like it's going to cause trouble. Not that every Slayer doesn't. They're all a bunch of half-breed freaks that upset fate. I was personally rooting for Evil to take out the line," the demon woman sighed as she looked up at the tall male.

"Fate? Don't tell me you are still that old-fashioned little demon that I met in that old order dimension? God, that place was dull. Good health care system though, nice shiny neighborhoods. Haven't I proved to you there's so much more than that? That you make your own fate?" the male sighed and seemed to give her a patronizing pat on her ash blonde head.

"That's what the Rhoshobis have been doing since the beginning. We influence it all without touching any of it. Of course, there are those militant separatists that tried to have the Slayer and vampire killed, and look how well that worked out. Now that the government has the vampire maybe those extremists will finally see that the old ways of staying behind the scenes is better," the demon woman said.

Connor really really wanted to kill her as he heard all the things she had to say. She seemed more human and yet more evil and dangerous than any vampire he had taken on. Connor felt his insides shake with more than rage as he realized there was something about her than reminded him of Jasmine, besides the face.

"I'm not talking about what your idiot Rhoshobis do. This isn't your Daddy's fate making. I'm talking about really grabbing it by the balls," the male demon said as he chucked the woman's chin as if she were his harmless movie date.

Connor found he didn't want to kill the male demon as much as he should. He wanted to hurt him, make him pay, but maybe he wanted the guy to talk more about this taking fate by the balls stuff. That was something Spike would say. Connor knew the demon had to be wrong or lying about the government having Spike. It seemed that taking fate by the balls was something Connor should do right now. But how?

"Yes, yes, you talked me into viewing this great turn around you'd be doing, so what is it? What kind of magic? I want to see." The demon woman asked the man excitedly.

"You always were such a bad girl, Mina," the male demon smiled and went to kiss the female.

Connor would be grossed out by that, but he was too worried about the word he heard her use-- "magic."

"My order may prevent me from directly intervening with humans and the like when they're seemingly of no threat to us, but, it doesn't say anything about not being able to watch. Are you altering his body? Stripping his powers away? Magic is just so low and dirty. The worst of the worst," she cooed and seemed to shudder with excitement as she caught the demon's face before he kissed her.

"Not just bad, but kinky," the male said in a way that really did gross Connor out.

"Hey," the male demon said with his lips inches from the woman's, "Speaking of kinky, do the face."

"Oh, Sahj!" the woman snipped and turned away.

"Oh, c'mon do it!" he grumbled good naturedly, "and I'll do mine. We'll turn the kid and then get some pizza."

Then, Connor saw the demon turn from the grey diseased flesh that he had to that of healthy human skin.

The demon woman gasped. "Pizza?"

"Okay, authentic Italian," he said, "Now do up your face the way I like."

The demon woman closed her eyes and seemed to exert some energy and then she appeared to have a young middle-aged human face. She was pretty with Bambi-like brown eyes and the soft ash blonde hair falling around her shoulders. No, she looked pretty, like Jasmine had. But, Connor knew her real face.

"Ah, yes, that's what I like," the guy crooned and kissed her, "You look like that actress, you know that one? She did that show with that guy in a bar, and then she was in that movie where she died."

"I don't watch TV or movies in this dimension. It's so stupid here. So, what kind of spell are you going to do? Are you going to liquefy his organs? I hope not, because that's dangerous. He could end up living through that with his physical powers and kill you anyway. Is it a reality-altering spell? That's what I'd do if I could. I know they never seem to last, but, I love those," she said and smiled.

"Women," the guy smiled and looked Connor straight in the eye, "They always want you to do something huge. She's gonna be so disappointed when she sees I really have nothing to do with it. I'll just get the party started right. Then again, that's what her little clan has been doing for ages. What they don't get is the subtlety of it, how you make people do it to themselves."

"What are you talking about? We don't know about subtlety? We've been under the radar since before there was anyone to invent radar," The woman said.

"Okay, so no disappointment when I just give the kid his vitamins, so he can grow up big and strong."

The now human-looking guy ripped the gag off Connor. He looked like a lanky guy in young middle age that you still wouldn't want to meet in an alley if you were an average guy. Connor was no average guy though. He wasn't afraid of this asshole or whatever magic he had planned.

"You think looking human and some kind of magic memory spell is going to stop me from remembering everything you and this bitch said in front of me? You think other people haven't tried it? No matter what you do to me—I'll still get to you," Connor said.

He felt hate bubbling in him now, he didn't care about what this demon's philosophy was on fate.

"That's what they say," the man said calmly, "So, I thought on it. Had some time on my hands due to the fact that I couldn't travel through it anymore, thanks to your dad, F.Y.I.. And I thought, 'Hmmm, where is this kid weak? How would he destroy himself before he could even get to me? How could I make the prophecy about his father killing him true?'"

"You're Sahjhan!" Connor realized allowed.

"A reality-altering spell, right? Now that you are corporeal on this plane you could do it!" the woman said excitedly.

"Shut-up, honey, and let us talk okay?" Sahjhan said to the woman who still had two visible tiny horns sticking out of her head.

"Yeah, I'm Sahjhan. You know about me?" Sahjhan asked with a surprised chuckle, "You're dad seems more like the let's-not-talk-about-it-type with that mind wipe he did on you and all. Some parents'll do anything to get out of that uncomfortable talk."

"I learned all I needed to know about you from the best books around. They all say I'm gonna kill you," Connor said.

"Sahj, I'm hungry. Just do the spell, already," the woman said.

"Anything you do to me with magic will just come back to you," Connor sneered, "Haven't you learned your lesson with what you did with Holtz? He made me the demon-hating fighter that wants to kill you. You may think I'm not that guy anymore, but underneath it all I am."

"Oh, I'm banking that you are who you are underneath it all. You have a pretty human mask. Maybe not as pretty as Mina's, but no one can have it all," Sahjhan said as he walked up to Connor.

Connor smelled something human on him as well as demon now that he had that human disguise. He knew it was a lie. There was nothing human about Sahjhan. He felt his eyes well up with hatred. That was it. That was what everything was really all about. Connor trying to find himself and leaving the family that loved him behind. It didn't matter if they loved him or not or even if Angel had. Connor was the destroyer, a killing machine that spent eighteen years in hell with a man who only knew how to love through hate, and nothing could change that. So, he had to face up to it, and do what he did best. What he was born to do.

"This is something that you're gonna do all on your own. Still, I wish I could take some credit. Maybe you'll give me some after you turn, huh? I mean, vampires and demons have no beef with each other," Sahjhan said.

The two beefy vampires walked in as if on cue. They probably were on cue.

"See, we work together. It's all a big happy family. Not like yours. It doesn't seem like you and dad ever got along and now that your punk big brother is gone, rumor has it that you are getting awfully close with his girl. Now you'll finally be able to have it the way you really want it. You can't say that if you had the perfect life you'd be so interested in killing me," he said.

"Oh, I get it!" the demon woman smiled, "You're going to turn him into a vampire, so then he won't have a soul and then he won't care about killing you! I don't know, Sahj that's kind of risky. He's an angry little boy. He may just kill everything in sight."

"You're such an idiot; I wouldn't bother with you either way. I would just make you apologize to Faith for what you said. She's not a half-breed freak, she's a goddess," Connor said to her.

"That's what I'm afraid of," the demon woman said, "Faith, the Slayer, see Sahj, it all goes back to the Slayer. And he just called me an idiot, are you going to just let this all stand?"

"No," Sahjhan said, "I'm gonna let it all fall in on itself."

Suddenly, Sahjhan grabbed a hold of Connor's face, more gently then he would have expected. The vampires just stood there on guard, but did nothing else. Sahjhan pinched Connor's nose shut and tilted his head back.

"Good for what ails ya," he said and held a flask to Connor's mouth and he felt his mouth become drawn to the flask.

He thought for sure he was being poisoned, or more likely Sahjhan was giving him some kind of spell that would make him into a demon or something. The stuff was salty, but sweet and soft tasting. It was like the first time he ever ate filet mignon in that steakhouse with just him and his dad when he was eight but, it was also like the first time he ate something else with just him and Tracy when he was seventeen. None of those things really happened though and he knew it. This was real and better just because he knew it was real, only it was worse because he couldn't be with anyone worse. He missed his dad who wasn't his dad and he missed Tracy who maybe really was never his girlfriend. He couldn't have them, not really. Maybe it was better to have this. Whatever this was, some potion, some magic that was going to bring something that would turn into reality.

"I knew it! I knew it!" Sahjhan laughed like he was relieved taking the little flask away.

"Sahj, you're a genius!" the demon woman said.

Connor felt good, peaceful and powerful. He felt in control now. He knew what he wanted. More of what Sahjhan had given him. He jerked in the chains to get to the flask.

"How do you feel, kid?" Sahjhan asked.

He gave Connor the remaining potion in the flask.

"Feels good, doesn't it? Feels right?" he asked.

"Whatever that stuff is it's not working. It's just making me stronger," Connor said with a smile.

He was able to break his arms out of the first set of chains, but he was still chained to the chair and his hands were still chained together. Sahjhan did know who he was dealing with after all.

"Sure, but do you really want to kill me, or do you have some other things you want to attend to? Like taking care of the Slayer. Giving her what she tried to get with the rest of the family. Do you think you can do it?"

"I can do anything," Connor said and he meant it.

He felt a power moving through his body that he didn't know existed. All the things that were bothering him before, whatever they were, he could fix them, make them right, or they weren't worth his time. Then his mind snapped back to what Sahjhan said.

"Are you offering me Faith in exchange for not killing you? You're trying to make a deal with me like you did with Holtz?" Connor laughed, "Like I need you. Like I couldn't do it by myself."

"Yeah, because that's what all you hero vampires really want in the end. Slayer trim or Slayer blood, potato, poe-tot-o. You can let that other punk rot with the government, and while daddy is off saving the world you'll move in. Finish what he started, fuck the Slayer, kill her, turn her into one of you. That was a brilliant idea. I gotta say your dad is impressive when he kicks back and gets Slayer juice in him. Now we can see what you can do," Sahjhan said.

"You're saying Spike has got that chip back in his head and I'm the one that should be with Faith and then we could do anything. Sounds good. Sounds real good, but why shouldn't I kill you again?"

"Because I'm the one that gave you the Slayer's blood, showed you what you really wanted, who you really are. Not that I'm expecting you to be all honorable about it. I just think you'll be too distracted with all the murdering of innocents and human blood to care about me."

"What?"

"You're a vampire, meat head. That surge of clarity you feel, that goes from your head, to your hard-on, to your trendy alternative sneakers, that's the Slayer's blood I gave you,"

"What? You have Faith? Where is she? If you even touch her---"

"Relax. I don't have her. I didn't want the whole cracker parade coming after me. So, I just took her blood to give you a little sample. I figured the rest would take care of itself and you'd be the one to do the touching, the killing, whatever,"

"You—you think I'd kill Faith. Well, you're wrong. I lo—I would die for her."

"Yeah, that's what they all say and yet, look at yourself, kid. Well, I guess you can't. You won't have a reflection. There's an interesting paradox, huh? So, let me just tell you, you've got the cutest little Baby face."

Connor went to touch his face to see if it had changed, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"No! No! It's not true. That was magic you gave me—a potion. I'm not—"

"Oh, spare yourself the Luke Skywalker routine and just go with it. I've been around a long time, a lot of times, whatever, and I know blood lust when I see it, and I know you can't be that much of a moron. You feel it. You like it. You want more of it."

"I'm so going to kill you!"

"Or, you could just do want you really want, anything. Take the Slayer; turn her against Dad and the other one. Turn her into a vampire; drain her of all the blood. That was just a vail. Imagine all of it. Imagine taking over this world or whatever it is you want. Forget about little old me."

"I---I don't get you. I don't get you at all. Why wouldn't you just kill me? Why don't you? Why don't you just do it now?"

"Was that an invitation?"

"Divine intervention is more rewarding than common intervention. Do you think we're really on your level? You and your clan, a bunch of sniveling half-breeds. You don't affect us—you infect us, like this beautiful house and those disgusting termites. You're all beneath us," the demon woman spoke up with bitterness suddenly.

"Ain't she great?" Sahjhan smiled, "She puts such a good spin on all the drivel in her faith. Makes me wanna be a believer. But, really I just want to watch you suffer, kid."

"You don't fool me, Sahj," the demon woman smiled, "Not for one second. You are a believer. You're afraid to kill him. You think that will only make him come back stronger. You believe in your prophecy as much as I believe in mine."

"You want me to be a sensitive guy, or something, Mina? Maybe I just want to see the kid suffer after all the centuries of shit he caused me with the prophecy. The least he can do is give me a few months of fun, or a few weeks. Maybe it'll just be a day until he gives over to his real urges and loses the soul."

"Maybe it'll be when he turns 18 or 21 or 25…whatever humans see as a milestone year, that's when a lot of half-breeds have their demon surface. God, I probably have hang-nails older than him," the woman said.

"Hey yeah, aren't you celebrating a birthday soon, kid?" Sahjhan said coyly.

"Fuck you. You and everyone one in here are dead," Connor's voice shook

"No, I'll think we'll all be leaving here alive. Well, except for the boys I hired who are already undead, but maybe you and them---"as Sahjhan spoke one of the vampires that was standing out in the hall turned to dust with a pop.

The other advanced towards the popping noise and then was also dust.

"That's not good," Sahjhan announced, "What the hell could get them from so far away?"

"Angel, he found me," Connor said dully, "He'll be the one to kill you."

Connor wished he could be happier about being the rescued rich son of a vampire. But, now, not only was Angel going to see that Connor couldn't take care of himself, he was also going to see that Connor didn't know who that self was. Nothing could be worse.

"Faith!" Connor exclaimed. He was wrong. This was much worse.

She was standing there with the rifle he redesigned as she quickly reloaded it.

"Get out of here! I don't want you to see me this way," he said.

Then he was thinking maybe she took one look at his vampire face and decided to shoot him. She had another gun in her pocket and a sword on her back, and probably more. He wondered if all of that was heavy for her to carry.

"What? Tied up?" she said with a smirk as she caught her breath, "Like I've never seen a guy like that before. Put your hands up."

Connor obeyed and Faith aimed the gun. An instant after he heard the shot he felt the chains loosen. She wasn't trying to shoot him. She was setting him free with his face and all, but when he touched his face he realized nothing demonic was there. It was his face. Maybe it always had been.

"Did that do enough damage for you to pull them apart?" Faith asked.

She had shot the chains and one of the links was weakened.

"I-I think so," he said.

"Don't think, just pull," she said.

A bunch of vampires came crashing into the room all with their demon faces. Connor pulled the chains apart, but he was still bound to the chair.

"Faith, get out of here! You can't shoot them all. Just listen to me," he pleaded.

"Not the way it works," she said and shot one of the vampires and they turned to dust.

That confused them enough to all pause for a minute. Faith started shooting at the floor. She went around Connor's chair shooting. Was she trying to give the vampires warning shots? That wasn't going to work.

"You listen to me," she said as she stood between Connor and the bullet holes she made "Hold me and break my fall."

And before Connor could ask what she was talking about she jumped in his lap and the floor gave way. He felt the chair hit the ground and break and Faith was on top of him grinning.

"I was afraid I wasn't packing enough weight to do that, but luckily the floor was really weak," she said.

"Termite problem," Connor said as he grabbed a plank of wood from the broken chair and got up from the chains that were now slack around him.

He threw the wood behind Faith and staked a vampire that was jumping down after them.

"Apparently, they're infested," Connor said as he pulled Faith behind him.

"Too bad, nice house," she said.

She handed him the sword and the gun with a grin.

"Sahjhan, it's her! The Slayer! The one who creates the joining! Kill her, Sahjhan. Kill her," the demon woman yelled as she ran down the stairs.

"Don't mind her. She thinks she's above direct intervention, but then wants me to do her dirty work, you know how it is. That was really cool," Sahjhan said as he came down the stairs, "The best lap dance I've ever seen."

"So, you're the kidnapper?" Faith said.

"Don't talk to her, Sahj. Just kill her. You can be the one to stop it for sure. Dad will finally like you," the demon woman said as she had that deceptive pleasant face on.

"Mina, please," Sahjhan said and then he turned to Faith, "So you're the Slayer? Thought you were blonde."

He seemed to like her, to be impressed, who wasn't?

"That's the nice one. She had to skip dimensions," Faith said.

"Sahj, please at least try to kill her!"

Sahjhan ignored his girlfriend and kept talking to Faith.

"I used to do that all the time myself. Until this kid's father had to make me get stuck in this one and put me in an urn for a few years. I'm a little bitter about that."

"Not as bitter as you'll be when I kill you," Connor said.

Sahjhan seem to have a thing for human women that Connor would enjoy beating out of him.

"Not very snappy with the come backs, is he?" Sahjhan said to Faith.

"He can be. Better than Shelly Long over there. What's her deal?" Faith asked.

"Shelly Long!" Sahjhan smiled, "That's who it is she looks like. You're quick. Sorry about the whole taking your blood thing,"

"Taking my blood? You didn't---You were trying to take my blood and you took Kennedy's. Why?" Faith's face went from displeased to full on pissed.

"Boy, is my face red. First I don't even know you're a brunette and then I find that the boys took blood from the wrong chick. That's what I get for hiring vampires. I guess they're good for nothing. Except maybe killing Slayers. Imagine what would've happened if I had gotten the Slayer's blood. Never would've know that wasn't Slayer blood with the way---"

"Shut-up!" Connor was the one who was pissed now.

He grabbed the sword from Faith's back and went to behead him and Sahjhan ducked. Connor would have went after him further, but he didn't want to leave Faith unguarded.

"And they say you're supposed to kill me with reflexes like that. Maybe we should let her try. She seems better, even though we all know she gave up her powers for the prisoner of war vampire," Sahjhan said.

"Prisoner of war vampire? What the hell are you talking about? Did you kidnap Spike too?" Faith demanded.

"Stupid girl. That would be a direct intervention on my part if I plotted with Sahjhan to take the uncleansed one. But, if Sahjhan killed you now I'd have nothing to do with it, of course. Why aren't you trying to kill the Slayer, Sahj? This could end all the doom for us," the demon woman pleaded.

"What?" Faith spat, she hated being confused about things that really mattered.

"But, not him. It would only bring doom to him," Connor explained, feeling calmer somehow as he looked at Faith, "She's a Rhoshobi Faith. She wants you and Spike dead, but she can't intervene herself, because she believes that will bring about the events of their prophecy about you. But, she thinks she can have someone outside of the prophecy kill you. She wants Sahjhan to do it now, but he knows if he tried to hurt you I'd come after him, and with all the weapons here **my** prophecy would probably come true. So much for thinking you can take fate by the balls."

"Okay, I'll admit it. He's not stupid," Sahjhan said.

"So, you're the demon he's gonna kill? Why are you with this bitch who still believes I have anything to do with her stupid demon clan when that prophecy is obviously a dud?" Faith said.

The look of frustration had lifted from her face due to the fact that Connor had explained the heart of the matter to her, and he knew that was why he himself felt much better.

"Why did you take my boy here and not kill him? What else do you need from him? You have Spike too, don't you?"

"But you're really quick aren't you," Sahjhan smiled.

"Shut your fucking mouth, Sahjhan!" Connor warned.

He'd find a way to kill the guy with all of Faith's weapons if he breathed a word of Connor turning into a vampire, if that was even what happened.

"What? You don't want her to know her other boyfriend never really left her? She seems to have a thing for vampires---"

"Yeah Sahj, Shut-up," the demon woman said before Connor could make himself speak, "I know you are not flirting with my anti-Christ!"

"Your anti-Christ? God, my mother was right about me. Hey wait, no, you and all your kind are idiots. Can't you accept that whole thing with that prophecy is over with? Me an' Spike aren't gonna end the world or whatever," Faith said as she glared at the woman.

"Apparently, she's not that quick," the demon woman smiled at Faith a very patronizing Shelly Long smile, "Yeah, some people say it's over, especially since that vampire was taken out of the picture, but you know how prophecies are. There could be another that could fill his shoes especially after what I've seen of this one tonight."

When the demon woman said that Faith seemed to look into Connor's eyes with such misery, and then the demon just went on:

"He's Sahj's fixation, but I think if Sahj kills you everything is over. But, Sahj, he always has to do everything the hard way. He won't kill you or this one because he's afraid it'll bring about his own death prophecy. It's so like him to only care about himself," she huffed angrily at Sahjhan, "Screw the rest of the world. You just want to have fun messing with the vampire boy because everyone teased you about your stupid little prophecy all these years. Your prophecy probably isn't even true. And you got me all excited about tonight saying that we were going to watch a real demon come out and kill the man, and what do we get…This--- a weak Slayer with you too scared to kill her! I freed you from that urn! I came here to this po-dunk Hellmouth to mess with this little boy. We did so many of your things, Sahjhan. When are we going to do one of my things?"

"Yap, yap, yap…'When are we going to do one of my things. My prophecy is more important than your prophecy.' How quickly you forget who talked to the Black Thorne and got the ball rolling with the vampire. You think for a clan that is all about divine intervention you'd have a better understanding of cause and affect."

"Oh big deal! You know someone, who knows someone, who knows some silly little Warlock who knows some silly little scientist in the United States Government. The United States Government, Sahjhan. That's how I'm going to tell everyone at home I intervened?" she shrieked, "And if that wasn't humiliating enough, I'll get to say I stopped the vampire—the unclean vampire. The vampire is nothing! Nothing! You tried to stop your whole thing by messing with your vampire, that had no direct effect in your prophecy, and look how that worked out! Next thing you know I'll be dating a low-life Warlock. The Slayer is the key, the vessel for the unspeakable thing, and she's standing here all skanky weak and literally dumb and you won't even---"

Connor was a little confused. He got most of it. This clan of demons wasn't into directly affecting anything, but they had no problem making dirty deals so others could do it. Sahjhan had done something. He had talked to some people to get Spike out of the picture due to this prophecy, but the demon woman didn't think that was enough. The demon woman thought it all revolved around Faith, and she wanted Faith hurt. What Connor didn't really get was what made her so suddenly stop talking and what that angry holler was. Then, he realized it was Faith. He should have realized it sooner but maybe his eyes saw it right away but his head didn't get it.

Faith had the demon woman's head and she was banging it into the banister again and again. Connor smiled, and it might have been his imagination but it seemed Sahjhan did for a second too. Then, he went to advance toward Faith.

"Go ahead and try. I have this and a gun, and I bet even if bullets don't kill you they won't feel good," Connor smiled as he held the sword to Sahjhan's face, then he frowned and whispered, "and I'm still jacked up on that blood you gave me."

Maybe it was true and maybe it wasn't. Maybe it had all been some magic mind fuck and Connor didn't really have any of that in him, but he thought it couldn't hurt to say. Sahjhan looked like he believed it. Connor was hoping he wouldn't, but what was important was Faith wouldn't be hurt.

"You tight ass little cunt rag!" Faith screamed as she was still banging the demon woman's head. Connor saw blood on the banister. He smelled it. It looked human, but it wasn't.

"You want skanky? Well, here's skanky. Weak, you want weak! When I'm done with you you'll aspire to weak! You want dumb? I'll show you dumb. I'll cut out your tongue, if you don't talk now and tell me everything," Faith had taken a knife out of her pocket.

Connor smiled. She was like Rambo. A hot, stacked Rambo, but he shouldn't be thinking of her like that. She was so much more than that, more than him, and he knew it. He usually didn't think that way. Words like "hot" and "stacked" weren't allowed to be formed in his head about her. Why was he doing it now? The blood. No, it wasn't even her blood. It probably was all a lie and no one's blood.

"All right!" the demon woman whimpered.

"Why does the government have Spike? What are they doing to him? They are putting that chip back in his head, aren't they? AREN'T THEY?" Faith spat as her lips curled to show her teeth in an almost primal way.

"I don't know, like I talk to those people. It would be like you talking to an ant…aaaaaaaa!" the demon whimpered looking like a small helpless woman as Faith seemed to be twisting her head around.

"You're gonna be talking to ants and worms, if you don't give it up, at least the parts of you that they have left to bury in the ground," Faith said lowly now, but fiercely.

Connor felt a warm shock go through his body. It was like a thread pulling him towards her. She looked so calm now, but he knew there was something under there. A slayer, a goddess, something more than human, a demon, and he wanted to be closer to it.

"Ok, we're here to…" he heard a male voice that snapped him out of whatever it was he was thinking.

Angel. Connor barely turned to be sure he didn't give up his guard on Sahjhan

"---help?" the voice ended way too meekly to ever be Angel and Connor knew it was that Xander guy with his friends.

The broad shouldered guy just stood there with his mouth a gape and his eyes wide at the sight of Faith continuing to rough up the demon. . He really didn't see the point of him showing up. Faith had thrown the demon woman to the ground now

"Connor," a soft girl voice said with concern.

It was Kennedy. Connor smiled. He was glad that she had shown. She had been with him when all the vampires attacked, and she had fought so hard. He knew that they hadn't killed her. He really didn't know why they hadn't. Connor suddenly felt pulled towards Kennedy that immediately reminded him of the way he had been pulled towards Faith. Except Kennedy was so close to him. She was almost touching him. For the first time Connor could sense how warm-blooded she was. What was wrong with him?

"Please tell me these people are vampires," Willow said and she bit her lip.

Connor scowled. Wasn't she supposed to be super-intelligent? Hadn't she been doing this work for a while?

"Demons. Don't let the faces fool you," Connor muttered.

He found it was easy to fall back into old taciturn Connor with these people. Connor could feel the heat of Kennedy brushing past him as she went to go to Faith. He took one of his arms off the sword and firmly grabbed her arm while she was in reach. He wasn't really sure why he did it. It wasn't as if she went over there she'd be in any danger. Faith was wiping the floor with that demons ass.

"Faith seems to have gotten her strength back, or she takes it really personally when you get kidnapped," Xander said, "Do you do that a lot? Because I thought those of you with super powers were immune to the whole kidnap thing."

Connor knew the guy was talking to him, but he was only into the heat of Kennedy's arm. She had turned to look at him, and she wasn't sneering. She seemed to be giving him a confused but almost pleasant look. Connor released her arm when their eyes met. He was far more confused than she was. He noticed she stayed in place, right next to him, she hadn't advanced toward Faith.

"That's not true at all; remember my whole skin-thing. Are you okay, sweetie? You look upset. No one ate your skin did they?" Willow asked him.

"He always looks like that, I think. Well, he has the times I've seen him," Xander said.

"Great. It's the cracker parade. Just what I didn't want. You must be the all powerful witch," Sahjhan said.

Connor felt panicked. He was supposed to be guarding Sahjhan and he still held the sword to him, but he had been distracted.

"And you must be the guy that took my girlfriend's blood," Willow said angrily.

Her girlfriend's blood? Connor actually let the tiny woman get between him and Sahjhan and she seemed to be walking the demon back.

"Oh, well, um, that was an accident. We thought she was the Slayer and—"Sahjhan said nervously.

Connor realized the demon was scared of Willow. He also realized what had happened. He had been given Kennedy's blood. He had drunk Kennedy's blood.

"Will, remember, don't go nuts. Remember, Kennedy is here to balance you out with the magical rage," Xander said to Willow.

Apparently, Willow had some magic problem, like binge drinking, and Kennedy stopped her from going on a bender. Magic. That was it! It had been Magic. They had used Kennedy's blood for a spell on Connor and it hadn't worked. It hadn't. He obviously wasn't a vampire, so it hadn't worked.

"Kick his ass, honey!" Kennedy said.

"Kennedy!" Xander exclaimed.

"What?" Kennedy said, "The Bastard took my blood—God knows what he's doing with it!"

"It's okay, Kennedy. They were trying to do some spell with it, but it didn't work," Connor sighed.

"Willow, you gotta stay in control. No one here is as powerful as you and---" Xander winced as he heard the sound of Faith's fist on the demon woman and the demon woman yelped, "We don't want anyone to get hurt…What's with her?"

Xander had turned to Connor as if he'd have the answer. Connor did, but he didn't like the snippy way the guy demanded it. These were demons.

"She really has a whole mother hen thing with you, huh?" Kennedy smirked in a crooked sexy way, "Did she just find a weak demon to pick on and she's finally gonna take her aggressions out?"

"Spike never left us. The government kidnapped him and that demon knows where he is," Connor muttered.

He really had a great desire to say as little as possible. He closed his eyes and dreaded all their questioning. He knew he'd have to try to hold back his urge to tell them to all shut-up.

"Oh," they all said in unison and then said nothing more.

Connor was surprised and greatly relieved.

"I told you. The Watcher's Council has him along with some military people. We have nothing to do with it--- nothing," the demon woman said to Faith.

"I don't care about any of that. Wait? The Council? Never mind, just tell me where! Where?" Faith demanded holding the demon by her now ripped banana republic dress.

"You're time is running out, Slayer," the demon surprised Connor with a sudden calm laugh, "I'll die before I tell you and I'll be a martyr."

"Not gonna happen," Sahjhan said and he turned Faith around and hit her in the face.

"Looks like today is the day you die after all," Connor said as he was upon Sahjhan in an instant.

Connor could kill him now as he had the clear advantage, but he almost didn't care. He felt so stupid for letting Sahjhan out of his sight. He just assumed the demon didn't care about his girlfriend or hurting Faith. He was wrong.

"He can live if he tells me where Spike is," Faith said weakly from the floor as Kennedy was down by her side.

One punch from someone like Sahjhan could kill Faith now. Connor was so stupid.

"You're all so stupid," Sahjhan said as he lifted his bloody demon woman to her feet, "I don't know why I waste my time worrying. Try the Science Lab right here at Sunnydale U. There's an underground tunnel somewhere."

"Sahjhan, no! The fate of the world!" the demon woman cried.

"What? Like I would let us die for this stupidity? Besides, I thought you said the vampire didn't matter," Sahjhan said as he walked out the door with the beaten Shelly Long demon.

"It's the end of our world here! And the uncleansed one is the most likely beast to end it with her," that was the last thing Connor heard her say.

"Did she just say that the end of the world was coming?" Willow asked and then gasped suddenly, "Eeow! I know a girl that just started working there her name's Shelly and she's super nice. She'd let me in to the lab and we could find the tunnel."

Connor was looking at Faith's face and she looked okay. He knew it would upset her if he tried to examine it up close.

"Okay, am I the only one that's what-the-helling?" Xander demanded as they walked to his car.

"I know, I know," Willow said "I work at Sunnydale U, but I swear I haven't seen anything the least suspicious there since The Initiative days, as long as I keep the Wicca group in line."

"Not that," he said.

Great! More explaining. Connor looked to Faith and saw that she looked exhausted and very far away.

"That guy kidnapped me because there's a prophecy I'm going to kill him, and his girlfriend is a Rhoshobi. The same demons that attacked us last year. Apparently, some of them still believe in that prophecy that Faith is going to end the world with Spike or something, but she thinks if she directly intervenes, it'll cause it. The government has Spike due to---"

"No, I get all that. I'm talking about Faith. Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy and using long-range weapons? How did you know that demon had no super powers?" Xander asked as he peered into the back seat where Faith sat next to Connor.

"I didn't," Faith seemed to answer dully but then she smirked, "She was just sitting there saying all of those things about Connor and me…and Spike, and she really pissed me off. She took Connor and she has Spike."

She was frowning again, looking off into nothing. Then, Faith saw Connor's eyes on her and she immediately smiled.

"A souvenir," she whispered and seemed to put her face an inch from his. Then she slipped something into his hand. Something hard and as cold as stone.

Connor looked at the demon horn and could tell the blood on it, still wet, wasn't human.

"I used to do that…a long time ago," Connor smiled.

"I know," she said, "You aren't old enough for a long time ago."

She put a hand on his face. It was warm. She had known about his souvenirs? She had bothered to find out? He had to tell her everything. Even the parts he didn't understand. Maybe she'd understand, and not turn him away, or be afraid. He was afraid, and at the same time he wasn't, and that made him more afraid.

"Yeah, I am," he told her.

"I guess—" she began

"What is that?" Kennedy said.

She had crawled into the back seat with them now. She had been in the front seat with Willow, but she just bounded to the back like a hyper kid. They were both always moving around like that—her and Faith. Connor found that Faith seemed very still now. He also found he wanted to grab Kennedy and hold her still, make her still. Hold her to him and see how long it took her to stop moving. Connor moved away from both the girls as far as the back seat would allow after Kennedy grabbed the demon horn from him.

"It's a horn from that bitch. I ripped it out of her fucking head," Faith said and gave a small smile.

"Oh my god!" Kennedy said, "That is so cool, Faith."

"But, she isn't really the one that took Spike, Faith. I think she thinks the world is gonna end due to you guys. She thinks you're evil…not that you are evil. She may just be, ya know, confused," Willow said.

"Red!" Kennedy laughed in surprise, "They took my blood. They were trying to do something to Connor."

"Well," Willow said sheepishly, "They didn't kill anyone, and that tall guy thinks that Connor's destined to kill him. It's just like when Spike thought he was destined to burn his soul into Faith and—"

"No, it's not like that!" Faith said fiercely, "It's not like that at all. Those demons were trying to hurt Connor, and I know just what they signed Spike up for. They're below animals no matter how smart they sound or how harmless they look. I should have taken her whole head to prove a point. I'm going to get Spike and I won't let anyone near Connor. I will take anyone's head that is involved in this if they get in my way."

"One problem there, Vladimir," Xander said, "The government is involved in this."

"So?" Faith said, "You've taken them on before, right? Of course back then, you had B. We should get Angel."

"We can do it without—" Connor began.

"We didn't take on…" Willow began, "Oh yeah, I guess we did, but---"

"Yeah, these guys," Faith said and Connor could tell she was thinking hard, "The Initiative, the government, I know a little something about these guys too. Just like I know a little something about these Rhoshobi demons. I'm through trying to reason with them. My eyes are wide open now. They fucked with my people. They brought this fight to me, and they're gonna get it right back at them."

"Um, okay, I think I know why that demon lady is afraid of you. I know why I'm afraid of you. Powerless, shmowerless, you're like that Bourne Identity guy, only with better boobs," Xander said like it was all funny.

"They need to be afraid of all of us. We're gonna go in and get Spike, and I need you all. That includes you, Harris, and you too Willow," Faith said.

"Right, um, about that…"

"Don't worry, baby. I'll still be there to anchor you down. Maybe cute little Shelly can get us into the science lab, but who's the one to keep you from blowing up the Science lab?" Kennedy said.

"I am NOT going to use my powers on humans," Willow said firmly, "No matter what they're doing. I can't---"

"Willow, I know B wouldn't want the chip back in Spike's head, and you know it too," Faith said.

"Of course, I just don't want to hurt anyone, at least not permanently. I could do a sleep spell, an insect spell, there is a paranoia spell that works really great with government types. But, that could back fire and—" as firm as she was before now she seemed to be rambling nervously.

"No one wants you to hurt anybody, baby," Kennedy assured.

"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I haven't done any spells on humans in a while and…"

"I know we don't have to discuss the finer points of this mission. I know you're in all the way," Faith whispered to Connor.

She put her head on his shoulder.

"It's what I do," he said.

That's when he smelled it. So close to him he tasted it.

"I bet all Watchers would have loved a Slayer as good as you…What's wrong?" she asked as she was looking at him dead in the face.

"You're still bleeding," he said.

"It's what I do. Don't worry I'll get better in time," she smiled at him.


	7. Chapter 7

More or Less -The Extinct Agenda

"Six hours until dawn, my quest to capture the queen  
Without being seen by the pawns. I'm surgin up when I'm emergin  
False clergymen you're urgin me to call you a virgin. When to say the least who can you trust when a priest is now the beast?" Organized Konfusion  
------------------------------------------------------------

_Summary: Wesley invites a secret government group to do some groundbreaking experiments on Spike, who started killing again when he and Faith had a falling out. How far is Wesley willing to go for the greater good. (Wes fans be sure to read all of this before you hate me.)_

* * *

Wesley Wyndham-Pryce smiled to himself as he went casually strolling down the halls of the underground facility at Sunnydale University of all places. Yes, he still found it almost amusing he was here, but of course he was. Where did he expect a facility that was doing cybernetic supernatural engineering on vampires and other demons to be? Home in England? Who did he expect to run such a place? The Watchers?

No. Of course it would be here in America, run by the likes of a young American beauty like Shelley Walsh. He had brought the remaining Watchers here to America to make them into something better and he realized he had succeeded or he would succeed after all.

Wesley opened yet another grey door to yet another grey a room inside the grey labyrinth of the underground center to see Shelley Walsh standing there in her white coat just like Fred would wear. She actually looked a lot like Fred, besides being blonde with her hair at a more practical length. She wasn't as slight as Fred either. Oh, and of course she was not nearly as beautiful or pure.

"Mr. Wyndham-Pryce," Shelley Walsh exclaimed.

Perhaps, just perhaps, she was as intelligent with her knowledge of physiology, neuroscience, and chemistry, but Fred would surely beat her when it came to her knowledge of physics and psychology. Dr. Shelley Walsh would most likely find this very upsetting, due to the fact that she was a psychologist. For a psychologist she was a rather foolish girl. She underestimated people.

"I told you not to call me that," Wesley felt his face smile, "Mr. Wyndham-Pryce is my father. Call me Wesley. Call me Wes."

He didn't want Shelley Walsh calling him "Wesley," Fred called him "Wesley", everyone else called him "Wes", and he much preferred "Wesley."

"'Wes?'" Wesley's father looked up from the text he was reading and said this like sour milk was in his mouth.

Yes, his father was there. He was a surviving Watcher after all. He had wanted to watch this process, like Robin Wood, but Wesley was sure his father had entirely different reasons for doing so.

"You really have become so American, haven't you, Wesley? So casual about it all. You're right about one thing. The Wyndham Pryce name is mine, and shouldn't be thrown around casually."

"I think Wes is only trying to be kind to me, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce. He's been so gracious about everything. Letting us share in all his information, giving us the great resources of you fine men. Without the help of your Watcher's Council, I don't know where we would be. Actually, I do. We would probably be making the same mistakes we made a few years back. I know that you were reluctant to work with us, but look at all we've accomplished in such a short time," Shelley Wash said and smiled with her perfectly straight white teeth.

"Yes…Well," Roger Wyndham-Pryce smiled briefly, "It's not my Watcher's Council, dear. It's THE Watcher's Council, that's been in existence maintaining the balance between good and evil longer than your young mind can imagine. I still say you should follow more of its member's advice. I want it on the record that I don't approve in how you've chosen to handle things at all. You have no idea what a young country you are. Everything always has to be bigger, better, faster with you. Whatever happened to a good old fashioned staking?"

That was his father's motivation for viewing this process, to go on record to say he did not approve, to try to maintain some sort of Watcher influence over Shelley Walsh. Wesley could almost laugh. As they stood in this gray room filled with monitoring machines and devices that Wesley was sure his father had never seen the likes of, his father still had no idea just how over his head he was.

"Perhaps a good-old-fashioned-staking has gone the way of The old Council itself—it has blown up…into whatever it is Dr. Walsh is doing here," Wesley said, "I've heard that you're doing a bit more than I requested with this one."

"Requested?" Shelley Walsh flashed her perfectly white teeth.

Was that a smile or some sort of friendly snarl? Fred would never smile at someone when she was angry with them. Then again, Fred wouldn't be partaking in this. She was working on taking apart the viruses and mind-control devices that the old Wolfram and Hart had put into the world. That was what Wesley was trying to do here. Take out the evil in the world that had been put in by people that had long preceded him, and by God he was going to do it.

Spike AKA William the Bloody AKA Wesley's former Slayer's former lover AKA the vampire with a soul that was still murdering people was laying out on a table. The table was a slab of metal and that's what they seem to be putting into his body, his brain—metal. Shelley Walsh had some young looking assistants working away silently on Spike as this conversation went on. They seemed trained in ignoring such distractions. There were also young looking burly men in riot gear guarding this room. Wesley trained himself to ignore them.

He wanted to watch more carefully. He had become a bit obsessed with the technology that was used to make these cyborgs, and he still couldn't quite understand it. He was sure he could learn a thing or two he wasn't already learning. But, to his own disgrace, he had never much liked looking at the insides of humans or human-like beings, not when they were cut up in an organized fashion. He didn't understand his distaste for it. Wesley thought he would have liked to view everything exposed in a neat orderly fashion, the violence in control. However, that was the problem. He didn't like violence in controlled thought out movements. One could plan for it, but the actual violence needed to be an act of spontaneity, passion, perhaps.

"You always were a bit squeamish, Wesley," his father said.

His father had a talent for focusing in on him at the wrong moments. Wesley was merely frowning at the vampire's unconscious body.

"Not that I approve of this nonsense in the least," his father continued.

"Yes," Wesley said as he forced himself to look at Spike with a small patch of his head peeled away and a thin slice down his middle.

"This does look like a bit more than a behavior modification chip," Wesley said conveying no emotion.

Spike was merely a dissected demon that looked incredibly delicate somehow while he was unconscious with his head shaved with neat incisions in him. Well, he supposed anyone would look surprisingly delicate in this situation, even Angel. Well, almost anyone. What was Angel going to say about this? That wasn't Wesley's concern now.

"That was years ago," Shelley Walsh said as she worked, "I've advanced the technology way beyond that, Wes. I think you'll like my work."

"Trust me," Robin Wood smiled, "It's much better than a chip."

He had been watching the process so intently that Wesley almost forgot he was here. He blended in with the assistants and armed boys despite looking so different in his everyday stylish clothes. _Trust him_. Wesley knew that the man he had befriended was skilled enough in the mission. He had grown up around it as Wesley had, he had sacrificed parental love and affection for it, and Robin Wood also wanted to do the right thing by it. Wesley had thought that was enough. Wood was watching the whole process and reading research notes. Wesley was quite certain they were a severely censored version of the research notes that he had already found, decoded and read, or the ones that Rupert Giles had steered him towards depending upon how one wanted to look at it.

He had read almost all of the notes after having to decode them. He got a bit stuck, of course, when he found out this government group made human hybrid cyborgs. Wesley, of course, had encountered cyborgs very similar to them when he killed—deactivated—the one that he thought was his father. Wesley was still searching to find out how a group could make a cyborg appear and act like someone one knew. He found nothing of it in the notes he decoded.

"I know all about it," Wesley sighed, "You are creating some kind of super-cyborg out of him."

"So, you know?" Shelley Walsh said as she looked up from observing Spike.

She looked as young or even younger than her assistants.

"I know a great deal about human hybrid cryborgs with all my recent office experience," Wesley said, "Though that may not surprise you, Dr. Walsh."

"Shelley," she said and smiled that way again as she briefly looked up at him.

She was holding some kind of remote device and looking at some machine that Wesley thought had to be Spike's brainwaves.

"They said you might object," she brushed her sunny bangs out of her eyes with her rubber glove that had blood on it.

She looked at the glove and threw it into the trashcan.

"Excuse me, young lady?" Wesley's father asked, "Is all of this sanitary?"

"You should know as well as I do," she said her patients wearing a bit thin, "You aren't going to get a disease from a dead demon."

In some ways it was a fair question. This wasn't like a tradition surgery at all. Spike was hooked up to machines that Wesley knew weren't tracking his health. It wasn't as if he needed his heart rate monitored. Wesley did find himself thinking like his father. This couldn't be the proper way to do surgery, but Wesley got back to the matter at hand.

"Who said I might object to this?" he asked Shelley Walsh.

"Nigel or was it Niles? I don't know, the Indian man with the English name, a Counsel member of your group. Isn't there a saying about too many chefs?" she said, "But, it's a good thing it doesn't matter as I told your Niles friend. We're not working for your corporation. We are working with you, ever since this administration has been pushing for private sector funding it's what we've had to do...but we do appreciate the funding."

"It's because you associate, no, you are employed by that vampire. No one respects you and you lose control," his father said to him.

When Roger Wydam Pryce grimaced his beard looked whiter and thinner and for some reason it made Wesley feel ill to see thin white hair coming out of his father's face. Wesley wondered what kind of bitter old man he would be. If he fixed this respect problem once and for all would he still be bitter?

"The money that's funding this comes from the corporation that belongs to that vampire. It's the only way I could get the surviving Watchers here," Wesley said to his father.

"Yes," Shelley said, "and we have no intention of stepping over our bounds with Mr. Angel. We will be completely respectful of his operations and his original agreement with Wolfram and Hart. His son would be given a normal life and kept save as long as he was no longer a threat to Wolfram and Hart at large."

"Don't be such a fool, Wesley!" his father said, "That corporation is still run by Wolfram and Hart. The vampire is a figurehead, a puppet! Break away from him and rejoin the Watchers. Rebuild our name and stop all of this nonsense."

"It's funny you should mention Angel being a puppet," Wesley couldn't help but grin, "He recently had an experience where—"

"Mmm-hmmm," Robin Wood said suddenly, "The Watchers, always worried about the family name. I could never tell if it was an English thing or a Watcher thing really. With my Mom it was a black thing, of course, or a Slayer thing. Anyway, you think something good would be said about your name now. A little plaque or something, since Wesley here was the one to finally get a hold of Spike after he terrorized the whole Slayer-Watcher Community one way or another for over a century."

"You don't understand," Wesley's father shook his head, "My son didn't just befriend any vampire. He befriended the worst vampire. Playing with all this silly science on his employer's somewhat less than violent successor isn't going give Wesley some short cut to respect. Though, William the bloody did do more damage to the actual Counsel and, of course, The Slayer line."

To Wesley's surprise his father seemed to be considering whether Wesley had achieved something by knocking out a Slayer killer and transporting him from Boston to California so groundbreaking experiments could be preformed on him.

"No," his father decided as he ruffled his thin white beard again, "This isn't safe. The vampire should be killed outright."

"What we're doing here is better, Mr. Wydam Pryce. It can be made into something useful. Something that can change the world," Shelley Walsh said.

She seemed to have stepped back from the glaring lights that were over the table for surgery to view her assistants. She had a little bit of sweat on her face as they all did from the hot lights, except of course for Spike who looked rather peaceful and still as he was dead asleep and strapped to the table. Wesley found it odd they didn't take his clothing off. He heard Shelley Walsh objected to vampires ever being naked in her presence even though he had read that she had written studies about how they could be used as "controlled sexual recreational devices." This wasn't the end of the young woman's peculiarities. Unfortunately, Wesley could only find out about her background through her work with this organization.

"She's right," Wood echoed.

"You children don't know what I do," his father said, "This vampire isn't ordinary. He has a certain…"

"Initiative," Spike muttered.

Yes, it was definitely Spike. His voice was unmistakable, and Shelley Walsh jumped about three feet out of her skin and backed up to the gray wall as did her assistants. The armed boys cocked their guns. Wood glowered. Wesley was still wondering when his father would stop calling him a child. He also guessed the vampire wasn't supposed to be awake.

"Yes," Wes's father answered Spike evenly, but Wes could see something of a smile cross his lips. The old man was glad to get the opportunity to talk with such a renowned vampire while he was in control of it. "That's an interesting word for what you possess. I'd call it stubborn evil with a charismatic but shallow flair."

"That would fit what I was talking about too, but it's a bit wordy," Spike said groggily, "I was talking about what they are, what she is."

He gestured to Shelley Walsh who was frozen as she clutched her clipboard to herself.

"The Initiative. They're the X-files on steroids messing with things they have no business in."

"Yes, that all sounds very American," the old man agreed coolly.

"It's fully awake; it's not supposed to be fully awake. I'll have to start over now," Shelley Walsh was muttering to herself in horror.

Wesley realized his father wasn't really the one in control of the vampire, in his eyes, Wesley was or The Americans were, and it was all so disappointing to him.

"I take it you're not in the club," Spike said, as he seemed to try to focus on Wesley's father.

"Not exactly, but these aren't easy times. We have to evolve as evil does, join forces with our young initiative friends, I suppose," Roger Wydam Pryce explained to William the bloody.

"Do I know you?" Spike asked.

"I met you in Vienna in 1962. You were slaughtering an orphanage. You killed two of my men," he said plainly.

"You're a Watcher," Spike said surprised. Then he got back into his namesake, "So, how have you been? I know you've fallen on some hard times, but I had no idea it was this bad, falling in with the Initiative idiots. They're not as organized as you were in your day, which I guess is gone."

"We haven't even begun!" Wesley's father said as he rose and walked over to Spike, "My son has arranged big plans for you. We're getting you back under control and more importantly we're getting back control of the Slayer line, as it should be."

Was Wesley's father actually proud of this whole operation? Is that why the Counsel had decided to take it a step further?

"We aren't The Initiative," Shelley Walsh began weakly and then her voice got stronger, "That was years ago, we are—"

She jumped back even further from Spike as she was interrupted by him.

"You nasty sodding wankers stay away from Faith!" he growled-quite literally while he spoke and Wesley saw his demon face flash silver coloring.

He still had to figure out exactly what was being done to the vampire. He wasn't at his best with cybernetic technology, if only Fred was here to help.

"What do you mean we're going to have the Slayer line back under control?" Wesley asked to see just what his father would say to him.

"They're going to be more Watchers around Faith as we get all these demons under control. I'm going to be one of them," Wood said, "I hope you don't mind. You didn't seem to really be interested in being her Watcher anymore. She's going to need a lot more protection since she no longer is a Slayer."

"Wood!" Spike said, "Why didn't I know? You bloody…"

Wesley had now learned to block out Spike's expletive tirades. It was Wood's note of bitterness that concerned him more. He was going to explain to Wood how he was in part responsible for Faith's freedom from jail and how the world needed him to be doing what he was doing now far more than Faith needed a Watcher. He wished he could explain how the Watcher/Slayer system of training was severely outdated.

"at least before you faced me like a man, now you're…" Spike went on towards Wood.

"I know that when this is all over everything will have workout for the best," Wesley said instead.

"Where did I go wrong? I thought I put enough control on its hippocampal system. It still has too much sense of self. I need to find the balance between its drives and motivations. It's not like the others, but that's why it can be so much better," Shelley was muttering to herself as she got out of her unfrozen position.

She looked at her monitors and took notes in a fevered almost endearing way Wesley found familiar. He wished she would shut-up. He didn't understand what she was blustering about. Spike was strapped to a table with armed men around him with his head opened up. It wasn't as if he could get to anyone.

"…be her Watcher my ass," he was going on towards Wood, Wesley supposed, "What did having a Watcher ever do for your mother? I'll tell you what--- Bloody hell!"

Spike suddenly yelped.

Wesley saw a wooden stake sticking right out of the vampire's chest. Wood has thrown it there. Wesley had the rare sight of seeing his father look impressed. Wood would be an excellent man to have on your side.

" Cool, huh?" Robin said as he strutted up to Spike, who was still very much alive, but actually quiet.

"Bet you never thought I'd have my hand in something that made sure you never really died. But, like I always tell the kids at school, you have to work with what you've got. If you're not a math person make sure you boost that verbal score, if you're not a book type person go to tech school. If you have a nemesis that's immortal turn him into a cyborg that is under permanent mind control to kill and collect his own kind. It all ends up being so much better in the end."

"Don't do that," Shelley Walsh said looking frozen yet again, "Why are you doing that? At least I know its invulnerability mechanism works, but to do that when it has its sense of self… I have to find the right combination to put it out again."

"Christ, you've gone mad," Spike said to Wood, "You paired up with the bloody Initiative to make me a cyborg? Do you hear how that sounds when it comes out of my mouth? Wood, you're supposed to be the levelheaded one here, mate. The one that wants to live in a world where there are no demons and no one eats meat and Faith is a soccer mom giving you pretty Holly Barry looking daughters. You aren't the kind of man that has a nemesis. Percy here on the other hand--"

"You killed my mother," Wood said, "You've threatened to kill me. I was forced to stand idly by as you held the life of the woman I love in your hands with some kind of mysterious power that everyone said was going to make her into some kind of a monster. Then, you stole her away from me and played various dangerous sexual games that mocked everything that I stand for. Do you hear how that sounds when it comes out of my mouth? You have no idea what kind of a man I am, Spike. You don't know me, but you better believe I am your god damned nemesis."

"Well, sure, it sounds grand when you say it all like that," Spike said, "But, I could make a case for my side, one being that I'm strapped to a table with bloody tubes in me and there's a stake through my heart. It was all your idea, wasn't it? To get me back in the hands of these little automaton butchers?"

"I am not, we are not-- I am not an automaton. I built all of this myself, from her work, I improved upon it, fixed it. The world will be the way it should made for people, by people, real people, not demons… " Shelley Walsh continued.

"Or was it really you, Percy. This smells like it could be your work. You got the Watchers here. You getting the band back together? Is that was this is really all about? Capture the one that got away. You failed to tell him how easy it is now, that I have a soul and I fight on your side. That I trusted you," Spike said angrily now.

It was fascinating. The blood that had been coming out of Spike's chest onto his shirt had turned to silver liquid and evaporated. What was it? How had they created this? Was it that Spike didn't realize something had been done to him or was he too distracted to care? Wesley thought the shirt was an odd one for Spike to be wearing. It was a white button down from Barney's just like one that Wesley bought after he solved that big murder case. Actually, Virginia had bought him that shirt because the clients wouldn't pay due to the fact Wesley had figured out the murderer had been a human family member. Virginia bought it for him as congratulatory gift. He was sad when he misplaced that shirt. He had it long after Virginia had left him, and he even kept it after it was missing a button and a tailor sew on a beige button that didn't quite match…just like Spike's shirt had. What the hell? Had the thieving rat gone through his things when he was getting "revenge" for Faith?

"You never trusted me. You tortured me and led Angel's son to almost kill me. We found you in Boston killing again," Wesley said to Spike.

"Right. Yeah, good point, but it was all for a just cause and you know it, or at least you should," Spike said.

There was no blood at all on him now as the stake stuck out of the shirt. It could still be salvaged. Wesley wondered if he removed the stake would the hole in his chest heal up, would the shirt have a hole? Anything seemed possible. That was what always kept Wesley studying and searching. As a boy he was enraptured by the thought that anything was possible and had to search out all possibilities, and he had the pressure to live up to his name, of course. Then, Wesley learned the fact that when anything was possible anything and everything had a price, and following the rules never protected you from it.

"Yes, I should know a good cause," Wesley told Spike, "You were killing people and I can't have it. You're dangerous, and you're too close to us for me to allow that to continue. I can't afford to take any more chances. Not after how close I came to losing everything. I need to do everything I can to know- she's—that the mission is safe. So, I had to allow this. You know how dangerous things have become, Spike. I can't allow certain people to become targets and I have to know just who is on my side. So, now I am quite sure you will be. And I also know somehow you're wearing a shirt of mine and I'd like it back."

"Why are you talking to it? Stop talking to it!" Shelley Walsh demanded, but she didn't allow the armed boys around her to move forward.

Wesley saw the vampire look down at his shirt suddenly. Then he looked up smirking. Thieving bastard. It made sense. It wasn't as if the vampire had a real job.

"That was somewhat of an impressive speech, but I think I actually agree with the young lady. Discussing morality with a vampire is as pointless as drinking tea on The Titanic. I forgot my son is a Californian now. He has to consider people's feelings and talk about issues…with vampires no less," the old man grumbled.

"So, this is your living breathing father, Percy? Issues, yes," Spike said as he smirked even wider, "And we all know what issues you have. You think you're ensuring safety for that cute Fred, since she doesn't feel safe with you anymore after you killed that man for her. Isn't she a mad science type? Why isn't she here helping you with this, I wonder?"

Wesley knew the vampire wasn't really wondering at all. Fred was too pure to be here. She would think that this was wrong. Somehow, after meeting Fred just a few times Spike knew this. Wesley found himself wondering why Spike wasn't even more legendary than Angelus.

"The trigger," Shelley Walsh looked at her notes, "The trigger isn't working. That's why it has a sense of self in the present. It should be in the past in its mind. All the research. Its mother."

Spike seemed to acknowledge Shelley Walsh for the first time. He looked her over and seemed to decide she was an annoying buzzing gnat and put his attention back to Wesley.

"You lie to yourself and say this is all for her, but it's not, it's all for you," Spike said to Wes, "Just like Wood here, but at least I actually was the one that killed his mother. This is all about proving yourself to Daddy and the rest. The Daddy you were so quick to kill for Fred. I wonder how Fred would feel about all of this, or how she would think I look in this shirt you say is yours. Maybe I'd look like the better man. You know when she saved me an' Faith from the ocean she said I was a 'champion.' Has she ever called you that in bed? Did you get to her bed? Did you leave any shirts around it? "

"Shut-up!" Wesley said, "Did you see Fred? If you did something to her I'll find a way to make you--"

"Maybe we really should kill him," Wood said evenly.

"Oh dear," his father tisked calmly, "You have no idea what your doing, do you? You cannot let them get the emotional upper hand."

Wesley ignored his father and jumped towards the vampire and drove the stake that Wood had put into his heart further into his chest. Wesley felt a rush of what only could be described and adrenaline and excitement. There was more blood on the shirt, then silver, than nothing. Wesley was glad to see that the vampire could experience something of pain. Spike winced a little bit, wiggled in his straps, but then he laughed. He looked quite himself laughing even with his shaved head with the hole in it.

"Relax, head-boy," Spike said, "I just thought I'd give you a little taste of what it's like to be toyed with."

"Stop touching it!" Walsh commanded, but still waived back the armed men that could easily make Wesley obey her.

"I'm not toying with you, Spike," Wesley said evenly looking straight into his eyes that were clouded with something—intent.

"You wanna know where I got your shirt? I got it in a Wolfram and Hart shag-den that I stayed at with Faith. She dressed me in it to have something to wear because we couldn't find our clothes. She thought it was funny, and now so do I," Spike said.

"Faith is the Slayer? The girl mixed with demon? They fornicated?" Walsh gasped.

"Yes, but not anymore," Wood answered her in quiet rage, "Can't you tazer him out or something?"

"No, that might damage my work. Besides, this information is becoming useful," she said.

"I'd never touch Fred. I'm a faithful man, which is more than I can say for you," Spike continued to ignore the others as he was fixated on Wesley, "This shirt has your stench on it, but I couldn't recognize because it has another scent. Not Fred's."

Wesley felt a sick realization come over him. Lilah. He had been to some beach house with Lilah a few years back, and now oddly enough the vampire had been with Faith in the same place—a Wolfram and Hart retreat. All pigs roll in the same mud, Wesley supposed. Wesley just stood staring at Spike. He was glad that the only one speaking for a moment was Shelley Walsh.

"I put all those memories back in, the trigger. Why won't it stop? Why won't it work?"

"The trigger is gone, Miss Mangala. You can thank your pal Wood here for that. See what happens when you mess with a man too much?" Spike turned his head to the side to address Shelley Walsh for the first time. It made the wound in his head spurt some blood, but he didn't seem to notice or care, "And you wouldn't believe how not surprised am I that the government was the one to put that trigger in me so the origin of all evil could use it."

"You took the trigger away?" Walsh demanded of Wood.

"The Slayer—" Wood began.

"The Slayer," Shelley Walsh defiantly wasn't smiling as she showed her teeth.

"Speaking of which, Wood," Spike said, "Where is she? I know you talked to her. How else would you have known about how we made love in that house?"

"Made love! Is that what you call it? Because it looked a lot like bestiality to me," Wood roared now.

"The anger, the anger stimulates it," Walsh muttered to her notes.

"Then I should go," Wood said, "God knows I have enough anger to stimulate him for the rest of his undead life. Just finish the job."

And he left. Wesley couldn't. There was more that needed to be communicated to Spike.

"See," his father said, "There's a man that knows his limits. He wouldn't engage with the vampire further and give him any kind of advantage."

"Talking about The Slayer stimulates it," Walsh said.

Wesley kept thinking that she was talking to herself, and then he seemed to remember and see her assistants around her. They were taking notes on all she said. Luckily, they seemed to be as focused on Wesley as he was on them.

"Yes, it was love making and not bestiality or stimulation and you all know it. Is that the real agenda? Is that why I'm here?" Spike smiled.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Wesley said, "This has nothing to do with Faith. Why would I care about your liaisons? I only tried to keep her safe when I thought you were a danger to her. You're here because you were killing again—torturing, and you need to see how far powerful groups will go to stop that."

"This is a dreadful waist of time," his father said.

"The Slayer! It's the god damned Slayer again!" Walsh said.

"You fucking tosser! I only killed the man that did unspeakable things to her for years. I should kill you where you stand for not knowing who that Sod was. Some Watcher you were and you have the balls to try to get the bloody Counsel together again," Spike snarled.

"Hmm. Your Slayer was an abused child, of course. You really should have learned more about the her background, Wesley. If we knew how damaged she was from the start, we never would have used her," Wesley heard his father say to him.

"There was no way I could have known. Besides, by the time I found her it was all in the past there was nothing I could have done," Wesley said as he looked at Spike.

"Do you know how long I've been hearing that excuse from you? Of course there was something you could have done…" Wesley's father was tuned out by Spike.

"That's bullocks! You could have helped her, cared for her, wasn't that your bloody job!"

"…Didn't I teach you that it wasn't just a job?" his father said, "The fate of the world could have stood with the decisions you made with that girl. If you had known her history from the start you could have made the appropriate decision to—"

"…kill her, that's what you were trying to do that was what you wanted, wasn't it? She was damaged goods to you. Nothing more," Spike spat.

"I was very young—naïve," Wesley said as he looked at Spike.

"Yes and I don't really think you've changed much at all," Wesley heard his father behind him, "Here you are being reckless, making foolish decisions…"

"You wanted to kill her when you brought her out to kill Angelus," Spike accused, "You got to study him with all your little clipboards like your doing now with me and when you couldn't handle him you called her to die so it wouldn't be…"

"…a total loss. That's what this is going to be if you keep giving control over to everyone else like this, Wesley."

"No," Wesley said through gritted teeth, "I would never do that. I'm not doing that now. I'm trying to tell you to be patient. I suppose patients never was your forte, but be patient and you will see what I'm trying to do."

"You can do nothing without…" his father began.

"…control of everything. Both of you and Wood really want the same thing. But, I like you, Pryce. You are much more twisted and dangerous about it, your girl, Daddy, my girl, control of the Slayer line, all thrown into the mix. Telling yourself your making a better world. Speaking of the Daddy your trying to impress, can you get him to--"

"Shut-up! Shut-up! Shut-up!" Shelley Walsh shouted out of nowhere as she hit Spike in the head with some sort of large surgical tool over and over.

"You'll never see your anarchist demon whore again! So, just shut-up. Shut-up! Shut-up!" she said to the now unconscious vampire.

Even Wesley's father was silent. Wesley felt a great release of pressure from his own head.

"So, you finally found what you needed to put him under. A blunt object," Wesley actually felt himself grinning as he looked at the petite Doctor who clubbed the vampire.

"I know what I have to do now," Shelley Walsh said calmly now with a sigh, "I'm going to create a trigger of the very mission itself. Of course, in order for that to work we need to Obliterate, code blue."

"Well, what are you all staring at? Let's get started," Walsh said to her team.

"But, I thought you wanted something left of its brain?" one of her team said, "If we do a code blue—"

"They'll be something left of its brain. I didn't work this hard to get back hostile 17 for nothing," Walsh said and she turned to Wesley and smiled.

"Well, gentlemen. It's been…helpful. We'll see each other soon. Of course, feel free to visit any of the other demons we've captured, learn something," she said.

"Shelley—" Wesley began.

"Dr. Walsh," she said, "I'm afraid I'm not in a position to be relaxed about my authority anymore. You understand."

She motioned for the armed boys to slowly come forward as she walked Wesley and his father out the door.

"Young lady, I don't think—" Wesley's father began.

"Yes, I do," Wesley, said to Dr. Walsh.

"Warning, Warning, Warning!" the alarm echoed in the gray under ground structure of Sunnydale's secret government demon study.

"Escape! Escape! Escape!"

Well, that was rather irritating, but unlike everything else that was irritating to Wesley it was working. All of the armed guards went teaming out to catch the escape demon as they nodded to Wesley. Due to his funding they had accepted he'd be around. They didn't want him in restricted areas though. Luckily, he had Fred hack into their code. She hadn't asked what it was all about and he hadn't told her. She had been short with ever since he killed Knox for trying to turn her into an evil entity. She said she was disappointed in him. Why should she be different from anyone else?

Rupert Giles had joined the Counsel to meet with them to talk further about the plans of the Untied States Government and how the Counsel could work with their agenda. Wesley thought he was going to be somewhat relieved that Giles had arrived. He thought that would take some of the hidden tension away from himself as a failed Watcher. It turned out that being a failed Watcher that helped a team of Slayers save the world was a lot more forgiven than a failed Watcher that worked in a former evil corporation for a vampire. But, Rupert's presence had been a helpful distraction.

Wesley knew he wouldn't be disappointed in Fred, as he punched the right code for the restricted area and was in.

Wesley looked over the room that Shelley Walsh had kicked him and his father out of earlier. He turned on the lights, and almost thought that what he was looking for wasn't here. Then, he saw a covered table with a human shape under it. He pulled the gray sheet off the table.

He was surprised to see Spike just laying there staring off into nothing in particular. He was still strapped down of course, but he wasn't even trying to get away. Wesley knew he was going to be a bit frazzled, but he also learned it was impossible for Shelley Walsh to complete what she wanted in the time she had. So, Spike would still be himself.

"Hello," Wesley said to Spike, self-noting it was the first time he had ever initiated a conversation with him.

"We don't like you," Spike said, in a rather child-like way as his eyes focused in on Wesley.

"Well, I don't like you much either," Wesley said as he began to pry lose the metal straps.

"Still, you have to understand that it was necessary that I play along. I knew that there was some sort of conspiracy going on when those cyborgs were sent for me."

"Cyborgs…Bots sent for you?" Spike asked, as he seemed to perk up.

"Yes, you know, that was when one of your favorite incidents occurred. The one where I—where they manipulated the situation so that I would believe I killed my father. I had my suspicions that a certain group was behind it, but I had to go in deep to figure it all out," Wesley explained.

"Father will be very cross," Spike said.

"Well, yes," Wesley sighed, "but believe me or not I am interested in much more than that. I knew the Watcher's would betray me. I knew from attempting to work with them before that they would want to kill Faith in order to try to start the Slayer line over. What I didn't realize was how it all went back to Alistair Crowley who's of course in league with both the government and the Counsel. He has the power to not only restart the line, but to control who the Chosen one is, but first he has to kill Faith, of course. So, this actually does have a lot to do with Faith. But Alistair is the one that's been trying to kill Faith all along, not me. He hasn't been around, but we are preparing for him to resurface."

"Alistair Crowley was cross with his boy, so he told me, he told how we could get to Nikki Wood. All her secrets, he told, so she would give up," he said as he had that look like he was looking at something way in the distance.

"Yes," Wesley said, "You do have a history with him. Robin Wood can be trusted by the way. He has no idea that Crowley had plans to kill Faith. He really does just want to protect her, and, of course, he hates you. It's just like Crowley to use that hatred to get you out of the way. You're the most powerful person protecting Faith."

"C'mon, Nikki, love. You're not even trying. What's the matter? Livin' the food stamp life with out a man got you down? You know that boy would have a better life without you," Spike said in a flat tone that couldn't be more mismatched to what he was saying.

"I know you're a little frazzled. That girl's been inside your mind, no doubt, but you have a history of bouncing back from these situations. I had no idea it was going to go this far. I thought they'd put a chip in your head and be done with it. It took me some time to realize just how much they wanted you out of the picture. I was trying to tell you that, but I suppose your not one for decoding subtle hints," Wesley sighed as he helped Spike sit up on the table.

"You do here me, don't you, Spike?" Wesley asked.

"They want us out of the picture. They want us to hurt her, her and her boy," he said.

"Yes," Wesley said, "Well, you have the gist, and I want you to know something."

Spike seemed to actually look at Wesley with interest.

"I never cheated on Fred. I was with someone from Wolfram and Hart back when they were our enemies and Fred and I had no chance. Yes, I know how it sounds. Call me what you will, but that affair did result in positive consequences, like now we knew what the other side is doing. I know what you're going to say. I probably have little chance with Fred at---Never mind. Why I feel I have to explain any of this to you is a complete mystery to me," Wesley said.

"She said she was stupid to think anything good could come of us loving her," Spike said on the verge of tears, "She was right. We're slipping…slipping."

"Spike," Wesley said gently now, "We're not slipping. We're winning. We're doing what we have to do to keep them safe. You have to go back to Faith now and protect her whether she loves you or not. It's what we do."

"It's what we do? Protect," he said.

"Yes," Wesley said, "and you have to do it quickly now. They're coming back."

Walsh really must have done him something awful, but Wesley knew it couldn't have been worse than anything he'd been through before. The man had lived with Angelus for years, for god sake. Spike did understand what Wesley was saying as he did leave rather quickly.

Wesley saw the men coming back. He hoped it would take a while for them to realize Spike was missing due to the hacking tips Fred had given him.

Wesley was trying to walk back casually from the restricted area when he walked right in to Rupert Giles.

"Mr. Giles," Wesley said, "So sorry I didn't see you there. I seemed to have gotten a little lost around—"

"No one is with me," Giles stated.

"Thank God for small favors," Wesley said quietly now, "I'm really not in the mood to give a performance after trying to get things past Spike."

"He's in bad shape?" Giles asked and did the familiar taking off the glasses trick.

"As good as can be expected I suppose," Wesley told the older man, "He'll be no worse than when the origin of all evils tortured him."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Giles said.

"Well, it can't be worse. It's only the United States government, not some evil all-powerful entity that could single him out and…Oh, hmmm," Wesley sighed, "You should have seen that girl, that scientist."

"Shelley Walsh, yes. Well, we all have children fighting our wars," Giles said.

"It wasn't that," Wesley said, "She seemed to take it all so personally. I understand The Counsel and how Alistair got the deal with this government group, but why would Shelley Walsh personally be so interested in Spike and The Slayer for that matter?"

"Perhaps, they don't like to leave a project unfinished," Giles said, "She was interested in the Slayer? What exactly did she say?"

The Ex-Watcher looked older, a little worse for wear, but still familiar. He adjusted his wire-framed glasses. Wesley was glad his own glasses were gone, and that he was only with the Counsel for the relatively short time he was.

"Nothing specific. She just seemed to have a distaste for the whole idea of a Slayer. Perhaps it was just the Counsels talk of Slayers. They are something she can't control and they help certain demons get away," Wesley said as he looked around cautiously to see if anyone was in earshot.

"She didn't say anything about a Slayer in London, did she?" Giles asked.

"No," Wesley felt his brow furrow at the oddness of the question, "Is there any reason she would? As far as I know Faith is here in Sunnydale, and she no longer has any physical power."

"Oh, no, no," Giles shook his head and straightened his tweed jacket, "There were just some rumors. I wanted to see if they heard them. Turned out to be a crazy girl on speed fighting vampires."

"I know the type," Wesley said.

"I have to say," Giles said, "You've come along way. I used to think you were an idiot boy. I followed what you've been doing for the past few years and your interventions have been a bit hit and miss, but what you've done here is very impressive. It takes a lot to know who to trust."

"Thank you; I think," Wesley responded.

"So, where is Spike? You do have chains to bring him out," Giles asked with a sigh as he ran his hand through his graying hair.

"I can't say that I do. Please don't tell me you were interested in killing him. He has to guard Faith. It's true she has Angel's son, but—"

"Of course, I'm not interested in killing him, but we have to keep him away from the very people he intends to guard for now, and debrief him. Maybe you think chains are a bit much but—"

"Debrief him? He wasn't some cyborg solider if that's what you're worried about. Shelley Walsh didn't have time to complete the process of—"

"It doesn't matter. He still has a trigger in him to kill Faith, and get Angel's son."

"What? No, no. You must be wrong. She couldn't of had time to put a trigger in him like that, though I don't exactly know what she's done to him with that metal thing in his head, that can't be good," Wesley felt panicked, "That's crazy. Spike was designed to be some kind of solider in a demon war. Why would they make him kill Faith and—and Angel's boy?"

"I thought you realized, Faith and Angel's son are part of that demon war to as far as they're concerned." Giles asked, "The Counsel wants Faith dead and the government is taking care of that as part of the deal for the funding you provided, and the government wants the boy for some reason. Haven't you read the report I sent you?"

"The report was very big and I had to decode it. I got caught up in the cyborgs I—I was trying to concentrate on the big picture. This makes no sense. No, no. It can't be true. Shelley Walsh said they were honoring the agreement that Angel had with Wolfram and Hart. They can't hurt the boy."

"Oh goodness. The government lied. Whatever shall we do," Giles said flatly, "Think about how perfect the plan is. Spike is a Slayer killer, the boy can't be more powerful than a Slayer. Faith has no power now. They both of them trust Spike and with his new powers they put in him by the time they realized something was wrong, it would be too late."

"No, there wasn't time enough for her to do any of that. He doesn't have any new powers, accept that not being able to be killed one. But—but, he could not of had that trigger in his head. He didn't want to hurt them. He looked himself when I let him go, mostly."

"Well, I'm sure you know with a trigger in his head it's not about wanting to hurt…Wait! You let him go! You let him go! You let him bloody go!" the man said through gritted teeth.

Wesley hadn't expected him to react so angrily. He just expected him to say "Oh dear" and take off his glasses.

"Um, you may not want to be shouting that so loud right now," Wesley said quietly.

"My god, boy. You are an idiot. Don't you know enough about him to realize he often thinks he's in control when he's not? What could he possibly of said to convince you he was all right?" Giles demanded.

"Well," Wesley let out a breath, "It wasn't so much what he said. I just thought the greater purpose had been served. I realized they were going to do far more than put a chip in his head and I couldn't allow that—"

"Pryce, what did he say? How did he sound?"

"He was talking a bit about killing the other Slayer, but he felt bad about it. He said he didn't like me and that seemed normal."

"Talking about killing the other Slayer. Well, yes, I could see where you would think that was a good sign after he'd been through some government mind control process. What were you thinking?"

"Yes, well, he's a vampire. They do have a tendency to talk about past sins when they aren't happy. I'm not the one that's screaming 'You let him go,' in the place they want him captured assuring that we have even more obstacles," Wesley said.

"And just what obstacles have I assured?" Giles demanded.

"That guard coming up behind you," Wesley said.

"What guard?" Giles demanded.

"This one," Wesley said in a fury and punched the boy in the face that was getting out his gun.

"Oh him. Thank you, I suppose I was a bit loud, but you let your guilt make you careless," Giles said as he blanched and seemed to briefly smile, "We don't have a lot of time. Please share any ideas you may have that may be helpful."

Wesley ran back into the room they were holding Spike and grabbed a binder.

"Notes are always helpful," he said.

"When one reads them, yes," Giles said, "What should we do now?"

"You want to know what I think?" Wesley asked in surprise.

"Well, I'm out of ideas," Giles said as he checked the pulse of the soldier Wesley had punched out.

"Let's get out of here and find Spike," Wesley said as he grabbed guard's gun he punched to the floor.

"That sounds good," Giles said.

The two men raced out of the gray underground labyrinth knowing just how to get out a little more desperately than they wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

Get Him Back

Summary: Faith and the gang go to rescue Spike from Sunnydale University and their views collide. Will they be ready for what they find? Faith's POV.

_"Wait 'til I get him back  
He won't have a back to scratch  
Yeah keep turning that chin  
And you will see my face  
As I figure how to kill what I cannot catch _

_So wait 'til I get him back  
Gonna bring him home and watch him unpack  
Hey, keep turning that chin  
And you will see my face is fixed on the one  
I'm going to get back." Fiona Apple _

Get Him Back

Faith stomped on the grass of the Sunnydale campus as hard as she could while the whole rag-tag group was behind her. If she had time she would grind on all the grass like it was a bunch of burning cigs, she would bust out every security light, tear the pages out of every hard-to-read-book, but she didn't have time. She knew this was her second time on a college campus and it would probably be her last. The other time she had been here was to terrorize B. She knew she would never belong here. But, wasn't this supposed to be a good place?

Wasn't college supposed to be about making friends and learning? It clearly wasn't. It was a place just like any other that did fucked up things like put chips in people's heads and made deals with demons. Faith hadn't really sat down and thought about how Sunny D University was connected to everything. That soldier boy she fucked that said he loved B, the government, Sunnydale U, they all were about Spike' s chip, and now they were about fucking with Spike again.

Maybe the only reason Faith hadn't come here and trashed this place was because she knew that Spike had to be alive. Connor was the one that pointed that out. Spike had to be alive and they had to want him to stay that way or else they wouldn't have gone to all of this trouble to get him. Connor was the only one that made sense. The others wanted to wait and sit on their collective asses and call their daddies.

The only person that should want to call daddy for help was Connor, and he didn't want to. Faith told him that was too bad, and she put in a call to Angel right away. Of course, she had only gotten his stupid secretary who was more interested in whether or not Faith had broken up with Spike. Then, when Faith finally got the story out to the stupid bitch she went all Scarlet O'Hara and started blubbering that "Spikey was somewhere being hurt." No shit. Then the bitch totally shifted gears and started yelling at Faith and demanding to know how she could let this happen. So, Faith did the only thing she could. She started cursing the stupid whore out. So, Angel probably wasn't going to get the message.

So, there was only one thing left to do—move. She had wanted to come here right away and go down to their secret lair that was below the science class or the biology building --or whatever the fuck it was-- and do whatever she had to do to get Spike out. But, Connor suggested that it would be best that they wait just a little while and regroup after the whole Sahjhan thing. Faith got behind that idea. She had a lot of sore muscles and bruises from the shoot out with Sahjhan's vamps. Damn she really missed that quick healing of being a Slayer. Having a sore body reminded her of places she didn't need to go.

"Um," Willow said as she caught up with Faith, "Did I mention this isn't a good idea?"

"About a hundred times, but you never came up with a better one," Faith said as she kept looking straight a head for guards or anything suspicious.

There was nothing and Faith was almost disappointed. All of the kiddies had gone on Winter break, which was a month long. Boston public never had a break that long, at least not an official one. College sounded really sweet. Too bad most of the students weren 't like Connor. They seemed to have interesting extracurricular activities like opening up people's brains and fucking with them. Red swore that was probably only the psychology department, and that the computer science department where she worked was all good, but Faith was a little pissed Red hadn' t noticed anything.

I mean, it really isn't even an idea since we have no plan. So, I guess, what I'm saying is-is-Can we not do this? Can we think of something else—Like anything," Red continued and she was beginning to sound like a gnat in Faith's ear.

Faith wanted to smack the girl all of a sudden. She wanted to pull out her knife and tell her what a dork loser she still was and how dare she try to trick Faith into thinking she had changed at all.

"I vote for this 'anything' idea Will is proposing," Harris said.

Faith wanted to strangle him too.

"No one is making you two stay here," she said instead.

"These are the trank guns," Connor said as he handed Willow, Kennedy and Harris the bubble gum guns.

"These are the 57 magnums with the wooden tipped bullets I made," he smiled just a little as he handed one to Faith, "It has a little more of a kick back then the 45, but it's nothing compared to the shot guns. I just wanted to let you know, since you'll be shooting at close range if need be."

"Gotcha," Faith said as she looked over toward the science building.

"Guns!" Red gasped, "No one said anything about guns. I hate guns. They never help. Buffy would never use guns."

"Icks-ney on the uffy-Bay," Xander whispered to Red.

"Look!" Faith tried not to yell and failed, "Why don't the two of you just go? It's obvious you don't want to be here."

"I'm not leaving my girlfriend with you two psych—psy---cyber-punks. Cyber-punks, yeah. That's what you guys are. With all the black leather and the cool gadgets and the stern stone faced walking into a federally protected secret building. The thing is that this isn't a movie and people could get really hurt, and I can't let that happen."

Red had started her little speech so strong, but then she recoiled into the so-called good girl.

"I think that—"Kennedy began, but Faith cut her off.

"I tell ya, after everything I've done to you guys I never expected you to ever be my friends, and I'm fine with that. The only reason I wanted to try to get in good with the gang was because I thought you guys were cool. I thought you would always do what's right, " Faith said.

"What do you mean?" Kennedy snapped at Faith now, "Of course Willow is your friend. She's just—"

"In what universe did you ever think I was cool?" Red said with folded arms, "You just think my girlfriend is cool because you've got a thing where you have to share my people, or Buffy's, or Angel's. You can't find your own because you're too twisted."

"Willow!" was all Kennedy could get out of her mouth.

"Oh, god!" Harris said nervously, "Willow, I'll pay you to start talking about what Buffy would do again."

"You have no— "Connor began, but Faith stopped him.

He was the only one that didn't have any fear in his voice. The only one besides Red, and that was who this was about now.

"No," Faith said and laughed, "This is good. Good for you, Red. Finally saying what you feel after what---two years? It's a wonder you don't become the wicked witch more often with the way you bottle it all up. Maybe you wanted to think we were friends, or maybe you just wanted K to think it. I know I don't deserve your respect, but right now I need your trust."

"Actually, Buffy has been gone for almost three years now. Everyday I think I'll miss her less and it never gets any better but, I know she would want us to help Spike," Harris said.

"Oh, Xander—"Red started on her motherly routine.

Faith noticed all traces of her being pissed totally disappeared. Red also had completely stopped paying attention to what was going on.

"This has nothing to do with Buffy!" Kennedy said.

"Maybe it doesn't for us, K," Faith said, "But, it always may be about B for some people, and that's five by five with me, as long as they keep fighting the good fight and saddle up with their mad skills. Red, I'm sure you got some magic you could use without going all wiggy. I don't care what you gotta do to use it, just use it."

"I know you don't care, Faith," Red said looking all pissed again, "You don't care about what people have to go through. What risks their taking or who gets hurt. You just want to get what you want no matter what. So, you're all good now. Spike's all good. Horary for you! But, guess what? You're still fighters on a Hellmouth and bad things are going to happen. Your lover's gonna get kidnapped, or beaten up, or driven crazy, or yeah—maybe even killed. That's the price you pay for fighting the good fight, and these things take time, work, planning. They're not easy. They're never easy. You can't just go off half-cocked and start killing people because you feel like it, because things aren't going your way. If—if you do that-- that just makes you one of them."

"Faith is not one of them," Connor said calmly now, "She isn't doing this because she feels like it, or because things aren't going her way. I don't know all about what you people have done or what you've gone through, but I know when I have to do a rescue mission and I know time is a factor. I know you know that too, Willow. You came to LA and you did what you had to do to help Angel get his soul back. No one had to urge you. You didn't wait. So, either you're helping us now or you're not."

"Well, that was different. That was the first spell I ever learned. So, so, there was no danger. I knew it would be smooth. I--I was never going to get out of control," Red said as she looked up at Connor for the first time tonight.

"It didn't happen smoothly. It never does with magic, and you looked pretty in control," Connor said, "You had to do a lot more than your first spell. There was a demon that you had to take on and you did it. You didn't have any time to plan."

"That—that was—I got lucky with that. I—I could have become dangerous, but—but I-- How—how do you know about that?" Red stammered.

She looked like the little mouse that used to follow Buffy around in those stupid dresses now.

"I was there. You don't remember because Angel did a spell so you'd all forget me, but I was the androgynous yet attractive son with the genetic sneer," Connor smirked.

"What?" Willow said, "You were there?"

"Yeah, and at the time I had no idea what 'androgynous' meant. Thanks a lot, by the way," Connor said dryly.

"That means you look like a girl, right?" Harris asked with that lost look on his face.

Faith wasn't sure what it meant at all, and she could care less. She was just glad Connor decided to talk to Willow. He could talk to her in that college way—debate or whatever. Faith couldn't be more proud of the kid, and she had always known he was way smarter than her—like Red. So, she'd wait a couple of minutes to see how this went down, but after that she was going ahead no matter who was behind her.

"You were there and I said things to you? Someone did a memory spell I couldn't at least sense on me?" Red looked more fearful about this idea than she had about going into battle the government guys.

"Don't feel bad. Angel had it done to the rest of the world too, and besides my little sister and me no one sensed a thing. And you didn't really talk to me much beyond that. You were pretty busy battling that mystical demon with magic that I'm now pretty sure was my girlfriend at the time—kind of," Connor said.

"Sadly, I can relate to that last thing you just said," Harris said.

"Point is," Faith said, "You can help us, Red. More than you think. If you want to."

"Of course she wants to," Kennedy said, "You do want to, honey, right?"

"I—I—Yes," Red said, "But, you all still don't understand. I can be dangerous. I haven't done any aggressive spells, especially not any against humans since I was, well, evil. With that whole Angel thing it was a familiar spell, even when things got bad I knew I could do it. It wasn't like Buffy was there knowing Angel had no soul and it all depended on me or else she would hate me forever."

"So, you're saying Buffy used to mess up your confidence, but that doesn't matter anymore, because she's not here, and I am," Kennedy said sadly but then she came back strong, "and I give you confidence. I know you can do anything, Willow. You're a goddess and—"

"That's not what I'm saying at all. God! Why do you always have to twist everything I say when it comes to Buffy? Where do you get such bad ideas about her, as if I didn't know," Red was pissed again, more pissed than before.

The cute little witch's words slid over Faith like ice as she also got a cold glare that Faith wouldn't think Willow was capable of. And just like that Faith saw this darkness that Red was always so twitchy about. Yeah, Faith had seen Red's eyes get all black when she did that spell to hold back those pure vamps that time. She knew Red cursed her out when she was "under the influence" of the magic. But, Faith didn't see this so called "dangerous Willow" until now. Faith totally got it. She also didn't have time to care right now. She did a little bit, but that was only because she felt bad for Kennedy, her own friend, because Faith was a dangerous bitch too. Big surprise there.

"Faith never---"Kennedy began.

"You know what?" Faith interrupted, "You're right, Red. K probably can't see all of the greatness that was B because of me."

"That's not—"Kennedy began angrily.

"Shut-up, K," Faith said lightly, "But, I really couldn't give a shit right now. You're scared of the bitch you think you are inside. Fine, that's your business. The only advice I can give you on that is some that a now tortured vampire gave me: Don't close off your darkness, its part of you. Learn to harness it and use it or else it'll do it to you."

"I don't close off," Red said firmly.

"Right, honey," Kennedy said, "You balance, you balance with me. I help you. So we can---"

"We can what? Shoot people with the wooden tipped bullets that I'm guessing kill people as well as vampires. We should plan, research, calm down with the gun thing and know what were up against. We're not really sure if these people are the government," Willow said.

"Well, if I had time to do all that maybe I'd also have time to give a B-like war speech about how we need to stick together in these dark times."

"God, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse," Kennedy groaned.

"This isn't war. Someone hurt your boyfriend, that's all. You can't kill over that. You can't go in there this way, thinking you owe them pain. It won't work," Willow said.

"I'm not going to kill anyone," Faith said, "Unless I have to. Just 'cause I think I owe them pain doesn't mean I'll stop to give it. And Spike was never—He isn't my boyfriend anymore. This isn't about who's going steady with who, Red. It's about doing what's right. And I'm doing whatever I have to do to get him back, and that's why it will work."

"You'd kill to get him back. I can tell," Red said and she looked different than both the old Willow and the angry Willow Faith had been seeing "I can tell because—"

"You can tell because you'd have done it for her, for Tara, but you won't do it now. Not for any of us. Not for me," Kennedy said.

"No, it's not that," Red said softly, "Well, it's not just that. I just don't think this is the best plan."

"Being that the plan is having a total lack of one," Harris backed her up.

"Right," Willow continued, "I know Spike is going through some unpleasant things, but he's had to go through all kinds of things before. They're probably putting a chip back in his head or studying to see just why vampires bleed like people. I nev er got it. I mean they have no circulation..."

"Oh!" suddenly Red smiled, and Faith thought she might have an idea for a spell, "You know what this is like? This is just like the time the First captured him and used his blood to set off the last apocalypse. The First had him for days, and we couldn 't rescue him because we knew we would lose. Plus, we had no time with everything else. He was tortured for like ever before Buffy could get there."

"Um, Willow," Xander said as he looked only at Faith's face.

He looked at Faith like he was judging whether he'd have to throw holy water on her or not.

"It wasn't like the first time with the First got him when all it did was put that trigger in his head, and who knows what it had to do to him to do that--- mentally I mean. This time the First really went all medieval. The physical stuff didn't look too bad, but Buffy said if I saw him with his shirt off…," Red said.

"Willow," Xander said with all his mock-pleasant anxiety as he read Faith's face.

"…Anyway, the point is, when we finally did get him back he was okay—eventually. I mean, he was really quiet for weeks and that was spooky. He'd sit and stare a lot and he did try to kill Andrew but—"

"What?" Faith demanded.

"Oh, Andrew was fine, but I'd never seen a vampire break through a wall like that. It was cool, in a way," Red smiled now.

"You let the First torture him! Twice! You didn't even try to get him until you felt cool about it. Why? He hadn't been in your club long enough? He'd only saved your ass a bunch of times, but he wasn' t in the Sunny D year book so, he could wait," Faith said.

"I think there might be a few photos of him from parent-teacher night back in '97 when he came and killed some people," Xander said lightly.

"So, he'll always deserve to suffer. No matter how hard he fought to get back to good. No matter how many times he won that fight, nothing is good enough for you people," Faith said.

"Faith, that's not true. It was nothing personal. It's just sometimes you have to weigh out what's best ---"Red talked now.

"You're right," Faith said, "And I can't believe I wasted time on this crap. For some kind of real life woman sized Hermione you can be a little slow, Red. You seem to have forgotten two really important things. The most important is you have a perfectly good live hot girlfriend standing right next to you. Not only can she manage all of your demons with out getting hurt, she makes sure that you don't hurt anyone else either. The other thing you forgot…"

Faith saw Red visibly jump as she cocked her gun,

"Is that I'm not you, or anyone else. I don't need to talk out all the pros and cons of everything before I do it to see if I'm okay with it. Now, I'm going in there to bust Spike out. Anyone who wants to come to help is welcome and gets my protection. Anyone who gets in my way gets hurt, and if it's a must—killed. It's nothing personal. It's just sometimes you have to weigh out what's best," Faith said.

"Let's go," she said to Connor.

She heard the sound of Connor cocking one of the trank guns and handing it to Kennedy who took it.

"No," Kennedy sighed.

"It's okay, K," Faith said, "I really do know it's nothing personal with you. I know that you're my friend. I get that it's best that you go with your girl."

"No," Kennedy said again, "I want two guns too. A trank one and a real one. What am I? Some kid Potential?"

"What?" Willow gasped, "Kennedy, no!"

"Oh no," Harris said, "This can't be good."

He walked away, and Faith didn't bother to look back at him as her focus was on Kennedy.

"No, you're not a kid, K" Faith said, "And you may've noticed that Dawn and Amanda aren't here. There's a reason for that. They don't need to see this, just like you don't need a real gun."

"But your Boy Wonder gets one and not me," Kennedy said, "After I'm willing to stick my neck out. Boy Faith, you really know how to stick together with your own."

"Like your sticking with me, Kennedy?" Willow snapped, "No one needs a gun."

"Connor and I have two kinds of guns," Faith explained as she looked at nothing but the Science building where she was going, "One puts people and vamps to sleep the other kills them. I gave Connor both kinds 'cause he can aim to wound perfectly. I have two guns 'cause I need to make up for my insecurities. If you don't think it's fair that we all have different toys, for whatever reason you can leave, but no one is giving their toys away or getting any new ones."

"Willow's right," Harris was back, "No one needs a gun. I don't know what's going on, but it isn't good, but the good news is they'll be no more fighting about guns tonight, or gun fighting."

It seemed like he had walked around in some kind of circle and come back to them. Faith thought about how Spike might say that was poetic of Harris, since that was what all of them were really doing. Faith wasn't going to walk around in circles anymore.

"Maybe you didn't hear what I said, Harris," Faith said, "Since, you were busy trying to walk away and then doubling back when you realized no one was following you. Maybe that's why you were always a follower and never a leader. But I said—"

"Don't talk to him like that! What do you know about leading anyone?" Red snapped.

Then, everyone erupted. They were all saying something at once, except for Faith who just laughed because this whole thing made her realize she really missed arguing with Spike or even B. They wouldn't have let this last this long, there would be punching, or fucking, or running off dramatically if they were here. Well, she could get one of those people back. She grabbed Connor's sleeve and motioned with her head that they keep moving. Connor stopped with whatever sneering and glaring he was doing and followed Faith. They walked off with no drama, or at least with as little drama as two armed people could walk away from yelling people.

"Faith," Harris was coming through with a surprising amount of drama tonight as he ran after Faith and Connor, "Where are you going? Listen to me. You don't need to go down there. I know where Spike is."

"If you have a theory that you think is going to help us in the next five seconds you're welcome to share it," Faith said as she kept her eyes on her target—The science building.

"Um, actually I do. I think he's really fucked up," Harris said, "Like he was with The First. Only, I think they messed with his body too… I think they tried to re-make Adam using him."

"Remake Adam using Spike?" Red said as she held her hand up to quite Kennedy who was wasting her time trying to say something to her.

Faith could see Red's wheels turning in a different way now. Like she was a computer trying to figure something out. Faith remembered seeing the old black board in high school with the math problems that had letters the smart kid's used to solve. If X then Y…

"But why?" Red said.

Faith could care less about Y or X or solving any problem for some fucking theory.

"Who the hell is Adam?" she demanded.

"A sort of cyborg that the Initiative created to do…I don't know what they wanted him to do, but whatever it was he didn't do it. Instead, he gained independent thought and tried to end the world. You think one of those government scientist people would have seen '2001' or 'War Games'. He was one of the biggest bads we had to fight. Buffy couldn't destroy him alone—"

Faith realized she didn't even care about that.

"What the hell would make you think they're doing something like that to Spike, Harris? Do you have some kind of an in you're not telling me about?"

"How could you think Xander would--- Do you have some kind of in, Xand? Did Riley say something--" Red's voice trailed off.

"Yeah," Xander said, "I have an in with my one good eye and my one good mouth. I saw Spike sitting under that tree and I went over there and talked to him and he's---"

Faith darted over to the tree Harris gestured to. She did see a figure sitting under the nearest tree, but she didn't think it was Spike. He wouldn't just sit there listening to them, unless… maybe he would. Maybe he was still all pissy about the break up thing. Yeah, Faith should have known he was going to be a total prick now because they had screwed, or had a relationship or whatever. Of course, when B kicked him to the curb he kissed her ass, and now Faith gets shit. Spike would just sit and watch her yell at B's friends to save him. Not to mention he was going to be a smug ass because he escaped the government again. Faith now took time to mash the grass as she tromped over to where Spike sat.

Faith was pissed. Spike knew just how to keep to the shadows. It was a vampire thing. She had seen it millions of times of course. When she had her Slayer power she knew when they were back in the shadows without ever having to see them. Now she could only see Spike's silhouette. He could have been any guy just sitting there, but she knew it was him, and it had nothing to do with any Slayer power. It was her power. You don't fight someone, fuck someone, know someone and then not know the out line of their face, the curve of their cheeks, or their big ass English nose in the dark. It didn't matter if they weren't wearing their usual clothes or sitting all slumped like some homeless crack head. Spike really thought she was an idiot.

"Something's wrong. I couldn't--- I can't smell him," Connor said as he followed, but hung back with Xander.

"Yeah. Faith, Faith, don't go over there you don't want to get---ow," Xander made the mistake of trying to hold Faith back.

Connor could successfully hold her back, but he knew better.

"Spike!' Faith yelled over to him as his back was up against the tree.

She could only see the outline of the bastard, and the boys were right. There was something off about him. He wasn't wearing his duster, for one, and it was weird the way he was up against the tree. But, that was just him fucking with her.

"What the hell are you doing? What, were you just watching us, waiting to see how far we'd go for you? How long it would take us to come? Were you impressed? I bet you loved the way I kept all the troops together, huh?" she hissed at him as she looked down at the shape of him sitting there.

His silence told her everything she said was right. She was going to get nothing but a world of lip for not coming sooner to save him and, for dumping him for the only noble reason she ever left anyone in her life.

"You sick fuck! How long have you been watching us? Waiting to tell me how stupid I was to think some 'Clockwork Orange' soldier boys can hold you?" she demanded.

More silence. He was savoring the moment for his smug response. Enjoying how pissed she was. Unless he was just going to give her the silent treatment. Had she told him how much she hated the silent treatment—the cold shoulder? Had she told him how when her mother would do that to her she'd curse and scream or do something until her mother cursed or screamed or hit her? She didn't think Spike was capable of the silent treatment, but he was capable of being a cruel bastard. She'd make him be a cruel bastard then.

"Spike?" she demanded as she moved closer to him.

"She comes closer," he said lowly, like he thought it was entertaining and he was watching a nature show, "I thought we all voted on this that we wanted her to go away, but the machine gets what it wants. Beautiful. We won't touch her. We're beneath her. No touching, We won't let the machine get its spark. "

"Oh, I get it, English!" Faith yelled.

"Um, just exactly what about that is there to be gotten?" Xander asked.

"Fuck you, Spike," Faith snarled, "You know. Fuck you! When I think you're being fucked with by the don't-ask-don't-tells I get all fired up to bust you out. I drag my sorry arsenal here to find your even sorrier ass doing your best impression of Sid Vicious's later years. It's not like I expected you to come back and be my friend after I opened my legs and closed them again. I mean, I know I'm not a perky Slayer. But, could you at least pick up a phone before you picked up a bottle? I'm glad you escaped the government and got right back to your heroic drinking schedule. But, did it ever occur to you that not everyone can escape soldier boys and get back to partying as easily as you? Did it ever occur to you they might be after me or Connor, since, I dunno, they have been before?"

"Shhhh," he said.

Faith could see the outline of his hand holding the side of his head as she saw that he was holding a bottle of Jack in the other. She smelled the Jack before she saw the bottle. No wonder Connor couldn't smell him. She didn't need sniffing powers for that. She had been familiar with the smell since she was in the womb.

"That's what the bitch wants, but she doesn't respect our demon, so she won't win. She can break me apart inside all she likes, but I won't break outside or I'll break my outsides off."

"You haven't even begun to see me be a bitch. Just how drunk are you right now?" Faith demanded.

"Need something for the pain," he said and laughed.

"Faith, they did something to him," Harris said, "He's not drunk. Well, he's not just drunk. "

"The government? What did they do to you Spike?" Connor asked.

"You," Spike said and he seemed to be talking to Connor, "You are part of it. That's why they want the machine to hurt you too. We're just ghosts in the machine that can't die now. We don't want to play anymore. We liked it better when it was all about him getting caught up in the wheels, the prophecies."

"It sounds like he's crazy again, like when The First drove him crazy," Willow said, "He's talking about ghosts and prophecies. This isn't something The Initiative would do. This seems evil."

"Damn, Red," Faith said, "You don't think the government can drive someone nuts? You don't think they're evil? You've obviously have never been in jail or in the child welfare system. But, it' s like you said Spike is strong. He'll be okay. He just needs to get out of here. He's probably more drunk and shaken than anything else."

Faith felt funny all of a sudden, cold and tired. She didn't listen to Red explain herself, as she was saying something about how she did know the government could be evil but that The Initiative is "purely scientific." Red didn't get it. Torture was a science.

But, Faith knew, she was sure, that Spike couldn't be tortured all that bad. He was really strong and he had escaped, hadn't he? He wasn't crazy or "traumatized." Faith knew trauma and she knew Spike. As much of a drama queen as he could be, he was also the most stubborn son of a bitch in the world. He wouldn't let himself be traumatized, not all the way. Faith crouched down to Spike's level. He was still holding his head, and she still couldn't really see him, but he looked smaller somehow.

"No," he said, "No chip. Old hat. We can't let it out. They didn't hurt us, they separated us. Separation much worse."

"The government or whoever didn't separate us—you did—when you beat up Wes for decisions I made. But, even though you made it so I had to dump you we can still be together in the mission, as friends, whatever," Faith said and she wondered if she made as much sense as Spike.

"Wes...The head-boy. He turned on them, turned us lose. Let us go. He's his own man now, not head-boy anymore. The head-master will be very cross," he said and laughed.

"Yeah, talk about head as much as you want, you're still not getting anywhere with me until you sober up, start making sense, and respect my decisions," Faith said with a laugh.

God, this was a fucking mess. He was still holding his head hiding in the shadow of the tree. He was slipping into Watcher talk. Sometimes when he was too drunk or too tired or even too happy he'd start talking like an old English guy. She noticed it a lot when they had hooked up at Angel's vacation house. She made fun of him, and said he was really an old tight assed Watcher underneath it all. She thought it was funny. He didn't. He got that pissed off look where he stuck his chin out. Of course, that only made Faith tease him more. Faith then accused Spike of wanting to buy her a tea cozy and take her to a cotillion, which- she said- didn't say much for them as a couple because Faith didn't know what those things were.

Then, he told her what they were (though she still wasn't really sure about the tea cozy thing.) But, he talked about cotillions and how pompous they were, and how he used to take his crazy ex to them so they could feed on spoiled "vulgarian" socialites and get nice clothes. Faith then said the weirdest fucking thing. She told him that if she was ever a vampire that was probably exactly the kind of thing she would do, but that wasn't the weird thing. The weird thing she told him was that she had always wanted to throw a fancy party with catered food and streamers and party favors, even though she wasn't sure what those were either. Faith told Spike she realized how weird it sounded. She told him it was probably some weird thing she had due to the fact she never had a birthday party as a kid. He said: It's not odd at all, who doesn't want a party? He asked her what kind of flowers she'd want and what kind of cake. Then, she realized he was actually planning a fucking party. He said he was really good at planning parties, and she started calling him a little sissy English boy again. Then he pushed her up against the special glass again and they fucked. Hard and laughing. No ponce fucks like me. he said. No one fucks like you she said.

It was true, but now he had been fucked by something, someone, as he sat under this tree. He probably drank enough Jack to kill ten sissy English boys, but he was talking like one because they had done something to him. He almost sounded afraid, and he was never afraid. But, he would be okay.

"It'll be okay, Spike," Faith said now after what felt like way too much silence, " Whatever happened is over now, okay?"

And it was over. Whatever he went through. Even though shit never stops, there were some things that could be divided into before and after. Faith wouldn't let the government or whoever they were hurt him again. She wouldn't let them hurt anyone.

"We are sorry, all of us. We thought everything we did was for you, but it only made you go away…all of you. So, some of it really had to be for some of us, but we all love you…all of you. That's why there's to be no touching ever again," he said.

Faith swallowed and then laughed. Man, he was really fucked up. The chip did a number on him, but one thing that Willow was right about was that Spike was strong. He'd get over this thing. Faith might not be able to get everything he was saying, for the first time. But, she still got the gist, and she knew Spike got what she was saying.

"Yeah," she said, "Now I know you're really fucked up. When have you ever told me you were sorry? You're never sorry, not for trying to get me to kill you, not for beating on Wes, not for ditching me to go on this bender while the government was after you. If I can't believe you're sorry how can I believe the 'l word' shit? God! I'm dating my mother! "

"Mother," Spike laughed, "It's always about the mother. That's why they wanted us to break apart, to break you apart. That can't happen. We all want you to go away now."

"Yeah?" Faith said, "Well tough shit, Mama's boy. We aren't leaving here with out your fucked up drunken ass."

"We all want you to go away now," Willow said.

"No, we're not leaving him here like this. We need to get him to sober up so he can tell us what the fuck is going on," Faith said.

"No, she's saying what Spike's saying," Connor said, "'We.' He keeps saying 'we' and 'us'"

"Yeah, well, you know what a pretentious drunk he is," Faith said.

"There's something really wrong with him," Harris said.

"No shit," Faith said, "One of the things that's wrong with him is that he needs to get out of here and sober up."

"You're getting too close. You have to go. We can't fight the trigger," Spike said.

"Trigger? Shit. Faith—"Xander began.

"A'right," Faith said, "I've had it with this shit. Get up."

She grabbed him by the shirt he was wearing, which she was pretty sure was the shirt she put on him at Angel's vacation house in case his bimbo ex was going to come by. Faith knew she didn't have any Slayer power anymore, but she had become an expert in hauling her drunken mother to her feet way before she ever had power. She was about ten years old, before she was really good at doing it. She had been a pipsqueak of a ten year old, but her mother was tiny too. It was about the same size difference as her and Spike now.

"No touching!" Spike growled, "Why don't you listen?"

And now Faith was down on the ground. She felt the familiar sting tingle through the side of her face until it peaked around her mouth.

"Connor save it. He doesn't know what he's doing," Faith said without even looking back at him, knowing that the boy was going to try to hit Spike

"Okay," Faith laughed, "Maybe you hit a lot harder than my dead mother, but this isn't new territory for me."

"I don't think that's true, Faith," Xander said.

"Now you've done it! Now you've done it! You've touched us, and you triggered it," Spike howled.

"I don't think any of us have ever dealt with this before," Xander said as he pulled Faith gently off the ground.

Harris looked so serious and resolved about the whole thing that Faith had to laugh a little.

"Go, go, go, go!" Spike repeated as he sunk back into the shadow of the tree.

The vamp was drunk and messed up in the head about something and he was embarrassed. He didn't want to be seen this way. He didn't want to be seen as weak, and when Faith called him on it he got pissed off and hit her. So, now he was doing the-I'm-so-sorry routine. That was all. Yeah, so the government messed with his head bad and put a chip in him, but wasn't it always something? Man, she really was dating her mom with a penis and fangs. She made a mental note to go back to Alanon. Seriously.

"There's lots you little suburbanites don't know about me, what I've dealt with. Getting bitch slapped by drunk drama queens was my specialty before I got into the mission," Faith told Harris.

"Yeah, mine too. It was more of a birth right really," he said, "But, this is more than that."

"You have to go now," Spike growled now literally.

That was new. She had only ever heard Kakistos growl while he talked for that spooky Exorcist affect. Faith knew Spike thought that was such a hacked bit. He really wasn't himself.

"She set it to tear you apart for her own little reasons, but the rest of them have you as there number one priority," Spike said as he grabbed Faith's arm.

She tried her best not to cry out in pain as he gripped her arm. Hard. Nothing like his usual hard sex grip that made her know just how much he was there because he wanted to be there. This was like he wanted to grab so her arm would no longer exist.

His face looked different. He was in game face, but his vamp wrinkles were outlined in silver veins that looked like it would jump like water if they were touched. She wanted to reach up and touch his game face. Faith had made a point to make out with Spike's game face, to fuck it, to touch it, to make him turn it on and off. She had done that for the same reason she had done most things that 99.9 of the population would be scared to do. She did it because she could, because she wanted to, because what scared almost everyone didn't scare her at all, and that was a turn on. Spike's game face was a turn on; this was not because this vampire face lined in liquid silver lava-lamp like veins was not Spike's game face.

Things happened very fast even for Faith. She knew she saw Connor run up on Spike and she saw him easily push Connor away with his other arm. She knew he had pushed the boy away too fast and too easy. She saw things even though she was sure her arm was about to snap. She saw that Spike had no hair anymore. Faith also saw a small liquid silver patch on his head with dried blood around it. She didn't want to scream, but the pain of the grip Spike had was betraying her. Then all off a sudden Faith felt his grip loosen.

"We don't know how long we can fight as ghosts moving the machine," he said as his normal face returned.

He smiled at her sadly.

"You'll need to get Buffy, and Red. They know how to take bots apart real good," he said

"Spike, wha—" she began

Faith knew that the chip hadn't been like this. She knew why people shaved other people's heads. She had been in prison. They shaved your head to take your identity. Someone wanted to take Spike's identity. They wanted to make him a soldier.

"Dead flesh, the machine moves and the ghosts watch and suffer, but sometimes the ghosts win. Angel should have warned us, how touch can trigger, how a trigger or a curse can make us separate," he said.

"Spike, put down the knife," Kennedy ordered as she held her little trank gun to him.

Faith saw that Spike was smiling with a knife, her knife that he must have slipped out of her pocket. There was blood all over it. Faith looked down and saw blood on her arm, but she didn't feel cut anywhere. Then she saw Spike looking at his wrist with blood all over it.

"No!" Faith yelled as she looked at Spike's bloody wrist.

His hand couldn't be gone, but it was. He had sliced it right off. Faith realized it had fallen from her arm.

"Shhh. Not us. Just the machine cut it away is all," he said

Faith felt her knees buckling. When she fell she forced herself to look on the ground and search. She had her fucking eyes open for a change. She picked up Spike's hand.

"Go, now. You set it off and we can't fight it much longer," he said.

"What did they do to you, baby?" she said, her voice came out shrieky like she knew it might, but it didn't matter she had been able to pick up his hand.

"Faith, No!" Someone said and grabbed her.

They were really good at grabbing people smaller than them, and making them go away from where they needed to be.

"Get the fuck off me, Harris!" Faith screamed, "Just get the fuck off me!"

Great the bulky carpenter was pulling her, the hysterical woman, away from her injured evil Ex she still wanted. To make it even more Soap Opera while that was going on her noble friend, Connor, fought her evil ex, who was really misunderstood. She was everything she hated, and she hated everything, but she could care less about that right now. She only cared about one thing.

"We have to help him, Harris. We have to help him. God! Fuck! What did they do to him?" she shrilled, "I can't--Why? Why did he—His hand. We can get it back on right? He's a vamp so...I need to get this on ice right away. That's what you do, right?"

"Give it to me," Red said, "I'll take care of it."

And just like that, the girl took Spike's severed hand from Faith, like she was taking some grocery bag filled with much needed food. Faith herself was visibly shaking. She knew everyone would know she was a loser now. Nothing but a big ball-dropper. She couldn't even keep it together for a severed hand. She really didn't care what they thought anymore. That was the upside of losing something huge; you didn't sweat the small things that seemed big before. Faith saw Connor shoot Spike with his trank gun after Spike got in a couple of blows. Good boy. She hadn't thought to bring a trank gun out on Spike. She should have the second she sensed something was off about him. Faith was the one that was off.

"They put another trigger in his head. This time he told me the trigger was you touching him. Sorry, I didn't figure that out right away. I'm not good with other languages, but I could understand a bit of his Crazy," Xander said to Faith.

"A trigger? Is that like a chip? I made his game face get all fucking weird like that 'cause I touched him? ---"

Faith knew she was really off. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Connor came up from behind and touched her, but she had to stay, even if she wasn't needed, she had to try. She watched numbly as Connor and Xander put Spike's unconscious body into the car. She didn't remember walking to it, but here she was. Here they were.

"I tied off the wound with his shirt. Actually, Vampires don't bleed like people," Connor looked over at the very stoic Red in the front seat when he said this, "He'll bleed, but he won't hemorrhage. He won't die."

"Of course he won't fucking die!" Faith snapped and then looked down at the dark nook of the car floor where her feet were and whispered, "What's wrong with him? What's a trigger?"

Faith turned to look down at Spike who was in the way-back of the SUV. He just looked like he was sleeping. She would expect him to open his eyes and say: "Surprise!" if she could over look his shaved head and the hunk of metal that was embedded in the side of it. When they sealed themselves off in that house to fuck she had done a lot of sleeping with him; she was sure they did almost as much sleeping as they did fucking or talking. Faith acted like they lived in that house, like it was theirs even though she would say it was Angel's. Spike was the one that would remind her it was not Angel's house; it was a Wolfram and Hart vacation house.

"A trigger is something they put in his head where they program him to kill. The First did it to him too, remember?" Harris said.

"The government is getting its tricks from The First Evil. Well, I'm shocked," Faith said as she made eye contact with Harris in his rear-view.

"It's something that governments have done with assassins for a long time. It gives them complete control," Connor said and he did sneer like Angel, "He told us about it that one time I crashed your training in the gym. I guess that was a while ago now."

"The trigger!" Faith said, "The thing that makes you dance with yourself. Fuck. I know what it is. My brain damage is just acting up again. They did more than that though, right?"

Faith looked back at Spike again and this time she forced herself to look at where his hand wasn't. The white button down that Spike had been wearing was tied around the wound (or his fucking stump really) with expertise. She could almost make herself laugh when she realized it was the shirt from the Wolfram & Hart house she made him wear when she thought his bitch ex might be stopping by. She just liked putting a shirt on him to take it off again really. She made him wear a shirt some yuppie asshole left behind because she liked making him into a fucking Ken doll. Faith saw there was a lot of blood on the shirt. No one would be wearing it to a dinner party, but it wasn't completely dripping. Connor was right. Vampires bled less than humans. The idea that the kid needed her as some kind of Watcher was really turning out to be some kind of joke. Maybe she should think about leaving town after Spike got better.

"I'm not sure what they did to his game face. I think they used him to create some kind of super soldier, and I gotta say he's a lot better looking than Adam and he blends more," Xander said.

"Blends?" Kennedy scoffed, "They made him crazy. Somebody tore the guy apart and they enjoyed doing it."

"You gotta hand it to them," Xander said, "Making him crazy would take away that pesky gaining independent thought problem."

"No, you want a soldier to be able to follow orders. A shell-shocked one is no good to you," Kennedy said.

"They weren't done yet. They were stripping him down to build him back up," Xander said.

"No!" Faith snapped, "What the hell are you people talking about? Just because he's gone a little off the rails doesn't mean he's not there. Sometimes when your thoughts are crazy, they're more yours than ever. No one can strip Spike down. He's the strongest man whoever had a demon in him and whoever fucking did this to him knows that. They know him. Kennedy's right this wasn't one of your old school big bads experiments revisited. This was personal. That demon bitch told us--,"

"Maybe that's exactly why they did it," Connor said, "Because Spike is so strong, because it's personal. They thought they could take all of that strength and that power and twist it into something they wanted. Add to him what they wanted so he could become something else. There's some bad shit in there Faith. Like a liquid based metal system that's built into---built into his demon."

"Like in terminator, I mean the liquid metal part, not the crazy vampire part," Harris said.

"Built only into the demon infrastructure but how? It would have to be locked into his central nervous system---"

"I don't give a fuck about how they did it! I only care about how to fix it," Faith said.

She felt a tingling return into her brain that she knew was anger. It felt like it was cleansing the numbness out of her, like those pills that Lorne gave her for her Orpheus hang over back in the day.

"We can't fix it," Willow said.

"Bullshit!" Faith said, "You can fix it and you will. You can't sit there on your little narrow all-powerful ass and tell me that you can bring B back from the dead, make a bunch of Slayers, get me into a dimension where these guys can stick more demon power up my ass, and put B into her dream dimension where she'll be safe from the First and tell me that you can't give Spike a hand."

"So to speak," Harris said, "Sorry. I couldn't resist. I'm sure that---"

"I was going to say we can't fix it until we understand how it was done. That's something called 'thinking things through,' which doesn't seem very popular with you. You talk like all that stuff was easy for me. Well, it wasn't. I'm not a grown up Hermione, Faith, but at least I'm a grown up. At least I learned to deal with my power and my problems with it instead of expecting people to do stuff for me," Willow said.

"What's a her-my-o-knee?" Harris asked.

"What's with the two of you? Look--"Kennedy began.

"You're right. I don't expect you to do anything for me, Red. Just help the Champs, okay?" Faith said, "I never claimed to be one. I just tried to help. That's why I had you zap me into that dimension with those shadow guys a couple years back. I thought it was the only way to fight the First if B wasn't gonna be there. Big surprise, I was wrong. All it did was give me that annoying demon that was either gonna kill me or Spike when he healed me. I decided it wasn't gonna be Spike, that's why I left with Angel," Faith said.

"What? I can't believe you didn't tell me this. Obviously Spike or your hero Angel found a way to stop you from dying," Faith said.

"Number one, I don't have to explain myself to you, and number two I didn't let any of the Super hero boys interfere. I found my own way. Long story short, I lived, but I gave up all of my Slayer power to save Spike."

"You gave up your power to save Spike?" Red asked, "I thought you had to do it; I thought that Alistair Crowley warlock removed your Slayer power magically or having that shadow demon would have killed you."

"Yeah, I lied. Al's spell was a bust. The demon was really killing Spike when he'd heal me, so I gave it up. I know—I know not very girl power of me, and you're right, Red, I didn't think it through at all. I was all ready to die. I jumped off a cliff but then Spike did too—"

"You jumped off a cliff!" Kennedy demanded.

"We've already established that I'm stupid and willing to give up my girl power, K. Do you want to hear the whole story or not?" Faith said.

"No, I don't!" Kennedy said, "And did it ever occur to you that I really don't give a shit about you explaining yourself or girl power? Did you ever think I might just want to know if you're dying, so you wouldn't have to do it alone?"

"We all die alone, K," Faith said, but she was actually asking good questions.

Faith just couldn't answer them truthfully right now.

"I kind of want to hear the cliff jumping story. Just because it sounds like a good story to tell one of those people who ask: 'If your friend jumped off a cliff would you?'" Harris said.

"Well, again, long story short. Spike would and did, and I gave up my powers and we were both okay. That was all I wanted, for him to be okay, and now he's not," Faith said.

She looked back at Spike's unconscious body. She couldn't bring herself to touch him. Maybe because she knew he wouldn't wake up or because she thought he would.

"He will be," Red said.

Faith was smoking her last cigarette outside of her and Kennedy's place. She knew it would do no good to stand around the shaved headed Spike. Connor had pumped enough tranks in him to make an elephant sleep. She knew that much, so standing over his body like a girlie concerned ex whining at him with idiot romantic notions that he could hear her, or even that he wanted to speak to her now. At least she wasn't stupid in that way. She was just stupid in…

"Connor!" she yelled as she heard punching.

Fuck! Spike had woken up. No, Spike had not woken up. It wasn't Spike at all. It was that terminator thing they put in him. The demon with the silver-lined vamp faced wrinkles.

Faith darted over to them. Spike's fist would somehow always get Connor right in the face. The kid didn't bleed like a vampire, he bled like a human, and it was pouring down his face

"Faith, get back," Connor said.

She was losing it. She swore the kids eyes were glowing like a vamp's. It had to be the light that the shit they put in Spike was reflecting off of him. This think they dropped into him was a terminator for sure. She recognized hitting to kill. Spike said nothing. His face, that demon-tech face gave off nothing.

"Spike don't do this. This isn't you this isn't what you want to do," Red was saying softly from far away, but Faith could hear it perfectly because it was in her head.

"Spike, stop it now!" Red said in a firm voice that Faith didn't really think was hers.

Willow was putting that voice in everyone's head, and it was strong, but she didn't realize Spike wasn't home. She was talking to a machine. Then she heard the shots fired. It was Kennedy firing straight at Spike with her little trank gun. Nice shot, but machines don't sleep, and Spike was already sleeping. The machine just went on. A cog in the machine. They'll collect his blood to keep it going. If I ever sell out like that kill me. Spike used to say about Angel going to Wolfram and Hart.

The machine didn't seem to know Spike's other hand was gone. Why would it? It was trying to do that thing that Spike did so well where he broke necks with one jerk, but it couldn't quite do it. This was probably because it was Connor more than the possibility that Spike didn't know how to do that with one hand. They stole all of his knowledge, and they were making him use it. They stole him. Spike always knew how to work his way around a problem, and the machine did too. It had a hold of Connor and it was going to strangle him. Faith grabbed her gun with the wooden tipped bullets and fired. She hit Spike right in the hunk of metal that was in his head. The metal thing had been so smoothly embedded in his head that it looked like part of it, like Nike stamped into a shoe. Faith actually smiled a little when the metal thing sparked as it got hit by the bullet. No brains, no blood. The bullet stopped the machine, and it let Connor go. It turned and looked at Faith. Fuck, they made his eyes go all silver too.

"First priority," it said.

The bullet had clearly fucked it up. It said that kind of slow, and it seemed to want to walk towards her and couldn' t. Connor got up and it went to grab for him again, but before it could do that she shot Spike in the heart with one wooden tipped bullet. Straight through, without hitting Connor.

"Oh god," Harris was always the first one to talk.

"Connor," Faith said flatly as she walked towards him, "Let me see your face."

"It's okay," Connor said, "I'm all right."

"No," Faith said, "You are not all right. It was going to kill you."

"God! Fuck!" the boy cursed in anguish, "I am so sorry, Faith. I—I should have been able to—He was always faster. Stronger maybe, but he could never wipe the floor with my ass like that before. I don't know what--"

"It wasn't him anymore. They had him locked up and dancing with himself," Faith said as she used her jacket to wipe the boy's blood off of him.

"Maybe you could've gotten him back. He's strong. If I only thought about---"

"No, I couldn't get him back. Not if it meant sacrificing you. He wouldn't have wanted that and neither would I," Faith said.

Kennedy was by Faith's side clutching her. Xander and Willow magically seemed to appear with bandages and ice-packs. Maybe they really did magically appear. Faith couldn't help but think: be careful what you wish for. She wished she could be happy these people seemed to be her friends. She wished she could care. She knew she cared about Connor and Kennedy, but she felt-- not alone, but empty.

"C'mon," Kennedy said,"We have to get the kid to the hospital. Harris and my girl can take care of the body."

"Body?" Faith and Connor questioned in unison.

They both looked down to see Spike lying there, in his normal, well normal with a shaved head human face.

"He's not dead. He's not dust," Faith stated the obvious as she bent down to look at him.

"Maybe his soul gives him a body, and he's really--" Kennedy began.

Then, they all jumped back because the body moved. Faith got out her gun. She had three shots left.

"Good girl, Fi," he said, "That was a nice try, but it's going to take more. Angel, Buffy, Red."

"Spike!" she exclaimed and withdrew her gun.

"They won't let us die," Spike said as he grabbed for the stake stuffed in Faith's pocket

She heard Kennedy or Connor cock their guns.

"See," he said and buried the stake in his chest.

"Spike, no!" Faith screamed and bit her lip to keep from screaming more.

"It's those parts they stuck in us," Spike said as he pulled the stake out of his bare chest.

His chest filled with liquid metal and then became skin.

"Seals us all up inside. A prison. It's tearing us apart on the inside. Eternal suffering and all that," he said.

"Now it's over, baby. Okay?" Faith said.

"No, they want you dead. They're scared of you—us," he said.

Faith then heard shots being fired. They were so close she could feel the sound of them rumble in her stomach. She looked and saw Spike had somehow had gotten a gun and fired it into his head. He did this so fast. She didn't know if it was her or Willow screaming at the end. Spike then passed out.

"That was one of the trank guns, but I don't think he knew that. Faith…" Connor said.

"I know he's alive. He's holding my hand. See. Who's got his other one?" and Faith was actually laughing.

They brought Spike inside and Faith didn't know how long she was staring at him until she realized Willow was sewing on Spike's hand. She looked away and down at his hand she was holding.

"Um," Red said softly, "Could you maybe hold him still?"

"Why?" Faith asked, "Is he moving? Is he awake?"

"Um," Red was back to being the mouse, "No, you're kind of shaking, I think, and you're shaking him."

"Oh," Faith said.

"You won't like this." "His left hand." They both talked at once.

Silence.

"I'm sorry. What?" Willow said.

"Oh, nothing it's stupid," Faith said, "He cut off his left hand. It's just funny. He was left handed, but back then you weren't allowed to be or something. So, every time they caught him using it 'whack' with the ruler."

"That's horrible! How did you know—you guys really liked to talk about stuff? That's horrible!" Red exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's really the worst thing that ever happened to him. He survived Victorian English schooling. This whole making him Robo-cop with him trapped inside should be nothing," Faith laughed.

"That's what this is, isn't it?" Willow was actually asking her a question, " But why? Why would someone—the government-- do that?"

"I think it's like Connor said, they wanted his knowledge, his—his specialness, so they couldn't fully destroy him. It's also pretty fucking clear that these people want vengeance."

"The government? Wants vengeance? N—no. Why would they want vengeance on—The government is a whole system, a network, with—with checks and balances," Willow said.

"No matter how big the government is it's made up of people, and people want vengeance. He escaped from them once before, right? That probably pissed some pretty powerful people off," Faith said.

"Well, not all powerful people---I know some people who work for the government and they wouldn't…" Red stammered, "Anyway, I've gotta tell you something you won't like."

Red paused waiting for Faith to speak.

"I don't think anything you have to say could make me feel worse," Faith said.

"Yeah, well, um. I've been practicing a spell to try to regenerate a new eye for Xander," she said and paused as if Faith was going to ask a lot of questions or something.

"I—I've been very careful with it. I didn't want to tell anybody about it and get people's hopes up or make them worry. You see there are certain spells I feel safe doing, non-aggressive ones that never caused me much trouble. It's just fighting evil, or anything with spells, it's hard," again she paused as if waiting for something.

"The thing is that it doesn't work in regenerating new tissue without draining someone else's life force—and—and I don't ever want to do that—again. But, I'm thinking that since Spike's hand is just unattached and---"

"You want to drain my life force to get Spike's hand back on? Well, let's go. What do you need? Blood? You need to go inside me? In my mind? My soul? Just tell me what to do," Faith said.

"Um, ew," Red said, "I don't need—inside you—no. I don't need anything. It will probably work on its own, and you are really in love with him aren't you? This wasn't about doing him because he loved Buffy, or because he's a hot soul boy. You really fell in love with him. You'd do anything to get him back, you'd kill for it, but you'd kill him before you let him hurt Angel's son. I—I don't know if I—That's great. I mean, it's not great it' s terrible. I mean you, you're great, but I think you're wrong about my ass. It's neither all-powerful or narrow."

"Jesus, Red. You make my head spin. So even you can tell Spike is hot, huh?" Faith said.

"Um, I just was saying that was why you, or it wasn't why you…"

The girl seemed to be apologizing to Faith, and challenging her, and sympathizing with her, but Red wasn't sure about any of it. Spike may shift gears really fast, but they always made sense and he was always so sure of all of them.

"I'll just respond to the part I can get a hold of. I'm not that great," Faith said, "I should be willing to kill him if he went after anyone like that, and I don't know if I could, even though it's not him that's doing it anymore. And now all I want is him back, I don't even care about chasing down or investigaiting just who did this or why they did like you.. That's what a real hero would do, and I'm not one. All I want-- all I wanted was him back. So, I'm not that great."

"Faith, no," she said, "I've been in love before. I chased down vengeance for love and that was wrong. You're just—Do you hear a helicopter? "

"Yeah, I do," Faith said, "It's them. It's the government guys. They're here to get him back."

"Oh no!" Willow said, "This is all my fault. I should have remembered, last time they had a tracking device in him."

"No worries," Faith said and grabbed her gun to load it with real bullets, "I'm going to kill all those motherfuckers the minute they even think about coming in this house."

Faith rose and left the room as she heard the machine-gun like rhythm of the helicopter come closer.

"Oh," she heard Willow say, "Oh no."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N:

_Characters &Pairings in this Ch:Faith/Spike, Willow, Riley, Angel, Other_

_Summary: Pick up reading this Series now! (Post S7, AR ATS S5) This takes place after Faith and the gang found a damaged experimented on Spike. They assume Spike is yet again the victim of The Initiative. The government seems to be coming to reclaim Spike. Faith is not about to let that happen, but in this war many things happen one can't expect._

_Warnings: Very loaded chapter about war and morals and ya know, stuff. Angst & cliff-hanger warning. Willow gets some time in the spot-light here. Feedback is good!_

"Disarm you with a smile and leave you like they left me here, to wither in denial.  
The bitterness of one who's left alone. The years burn. I used to be a little boy. So old in my shoes, and what I choose is my voice. What's a boy supposed to do?  
The killer in me is the killer in you."- Smashing Pumpkins

Disarm- More or Less 8

Faith felt the familiar sound of the helicopter circling and then landing as she was armed with her gun. Fucking helicopters. She liked it better when her experience with them was only through movies about wars and bad "Magnum PI" reruns. She had a few helicopters after her in her day, and then, Angel's had rescued her and Spike from the ocean not that long ago. Still, it seemed fitting it would end this way, all "Scar Face" with a helicopter. She was going to hit as many government guys as she could, which she hoped would be all of them, and then she really hoped, she prayed, that after these dudes shot her to death Connor would be able to keep it together enough to run to Angel with Spike. She knew that Harris would try to hold things together as much as possible, but she wasn't sure how fucked up everyone else was going to be after this. The others didn't realize how big this was. Just because this wasn't a demon didn't mean that they shouldn't fight, kill, or run, or do anything they had to in order to survive.

Faith knew she was wrong when she said years ago that the world needed her to survive and she wasn't going to cry for some innocent by stander. She knew now that the world didn't need her alive at all, and that she should cry for the innocent by stander. But, there wasn't going to be any innocent by stander here now. Faith demanded that Harris and Kennedy take Connor to the hospital, and they did. Red was in the house fixing Spike's hand. The witch hadn't figured out how to fix his mind, not yet, but she would. Red would fix Spike, and Faith would make sure no one would get him again.

The helicopter shut down in the suburban street with a few house lights lighting up to see what was going on. But, what could the people of the re-risen Sunnydale do about a helicopter or any other weird shit? Nothing and they had accepted that the first time the town went down. The wind of it stopped stinging her eyes as she hid on the side of the little white house she had actually lived in for the past few years, although not as peacefully as a girl should. Faith was surprised when only one person emerged from the helicopter. She saw the figure dressed all in black walking stiffly up to the door.

"You!" Faith said as she jumped out with the gun.

"Faith," he said like he knew her and she held a gun to him every day.

She was so fucking pissed that this almost put her over the edge. The only reason she didn't shoot him was because he actually knew enough to stop and raise his hands.

"I should have known," she hissed at him as the edges of her anger scraped along her throat, "Shoulda known there was no such thing as a good cop. The only reason you got those grunt soldiers off our ass that time before was because you wanted to come back and fuck with Spike yourself."

"No," Riley Finn said, "Faith, put down the gun. I don't want anyone to get hurt."

His stupid saucer like round eyes stayed right on Faith.

"Oh, but I do want someone to get hurt, namely you, and see, I can't do it without the gun anymore. I'm sure you got the memo that I'm just a weak little girl now."

"I was briefed on those circumstances, yes," he said.

"You were briefed on those--God!" Faith felt her body shake with dry laughter now, "I can't believe I slept with you. You know that was just to keep the whole 'I'm Buffy' rouse going. You know if I had stayed in her body a day longer I would have kicked you to the curb, right?"

"I know Buffy was a wonderful person, and in the end she forgave you for all the things you did to her. She jumped dimensions trusting you to do the right thing. Now, give me the gun."

Faith knew he'd play the B card, but she didn't think he'd pull it out so early. She made sure she kept her gun right on him.

"Yeah, well," Faith said, "We both know that B is a little too nice. She trusts the wrong people, and we'd never do that right, Finney? We don't trust a soul. We can't afford to, we're the soldiers-- the grunts--the battle fodder. The one's who lay down their lives so the real heroes can go on."

"Speak for yourself," he said, "There's a lot I trust in and believe in and I have no intention of laying down my life because of someone like you that doesn't believe in anything."

"Oew," Faith grinned and her face ached, "Do I detect a note of bitterness in there, soldier? You may have no intention of dying here tonight, but guess what? Sometimes our intentions fall by the wayside when we get caught up in something bigger than ourselves. Like, I 'm sure you had no intention of becoming a sadistic murderer whose job it is to strip down a man piece by piece so you could use the best of his parts as your own."

"I'm not--"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don't care what you think; I know you'll never understand. I know that to all your army-of-one buddies I'll just look like some crazy bitch that killed a good soldier and not even my friends will cry for me because they'll think I was wrong. But, you have to die…people like you who violate---"

Faith stopped and looked up briefly almost wishing a soldier would come in now as a vain attempt to save Finn. She was sure even if they did, the bullet in her readied gun would still end up hitting Finn in his boy-man face. She wished he looked older, harder.

"---See, I was going to say I was you, but I never was. I always knew what I was doing was wrong. I was just so mad that I didn't care. You do care, and you think your right doing the things you do. I don't know if that makes me better or worse, and I don't give a shit. You couldn't kill a man, you had to control him, you had to destroy him--"

"You do all of those things to demons everyday, Faith. What The Initiative did to Spike-"

"Was something that you were a part of with no regrets--"

"Riley?" a girl's voice said, "Is that you? Oh, thank God, Riley! We thought you were the people coming to take Spike back, and Faith was all: 'I'm gonna kill those M.Fers.' and I was all 'Oh no.' and then she came out here, and then I came out here and now I see that she has a gun pointed at you and, oh no."

Faith could feel Red freezing after she said all this in one breath, even though she couldn't afford to look over at the girl. Faith knew she could never get Willow to see what was really going on here. It was clear the Scoobys weren't wired that way, and why should they be? With all the apocalypses they fought they never had to face this kind of evil. One that really said they were a friend and believed it, one that really thought they were doing the right thing, one that was created out of shit way bigger than themselves. One that was human. Of course, the Scoobys had fought Faith herself, and someone could say that Faith had been all those things, but she never was. Faith knew she was on the wrong side, the easy side, back when she was with the mayor. She never tried to lie to herself or B about it. Maybe that was the one right thing she did. She knew killing Finn wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong either.

"This is totally wrong," Red said, "Tell her this is wrong, Riley. You're not the person that did this to Spike. You're not the person that did this to Spike, are you?"

"Of course not, Willow. When I found out what was going on I came here to stop it. I think Faith is still a little mixed up about who's on what side," Finn said as he didn't take his eyes off Faith.

"I'll tell you what I'm not mixed up about," Faith said, "I know this isn't a college reunion. Hands back up, Finn."

"Faith--" Red began

"Red, I'm sorry, but your friend's the bad guy and he's not getting anywhere near Spike and in order to make sure he doesn't I have to make sure his torso isn't anywhere near his limbs."

"Faith, what do you mean? Spike's torso is fine, right near his limbs. They did something funny to his body, but I figured out how to get him to stop attacking people. Oh, you mean Riley's torso and limbs. Oh. Well, I can't let you do that," Red said.

"Willow, I'm here to help," Finn said, "I found out what was going on. An operative broke away from my group with some agents and has been conducting experiments with out my permission. I clear all special projects now, and I didn't realize--"

"Fuck you! You didn't realize," Faith screamed, "You were the one behind the whole first chip thing, and now you're just pissed someone upgraded on you and you want a better look at it."

"Faith, Riley wasn't the one behind the first chip thing," Red explained, "I mean he was in front of it maybe, but not behind it. He didn't know--"

"In front of it, behind it, he was still the force that kept it moving, and he'll keep moving it and it's wrong! He'll keep killing Spike, so he has to die, "Faith explained or she tried to.

Her words were coming out in angry grunts.

"Why didn't you tell me she was still psychotic?" Finn asked Willow with some kind of **indignantly **polite tone.

"She's not psychotic. She's just in love with Spike, "Willow explained.

"In love with Spike?" Finn sighed with his hands still up, "Yeah, she doesn't sound psychotic at all."

"You're damn right I'm not!" Faith yelled.

She really wanted to kill Finn right then, but she had to make the bastard at least see something of what he had done.

"You put something in his head--in his head! I know from experience it's easy to lose your head in this line of work, but he never did. His decisions always belonged to him. Whether he got vamped or fucked over or got a soul, he always had his head, even after you fucks tried to take it. So you thought you'd come back and do it right. Big mistake, because this time I'm here, college boy, and I'm gonna splatter your brains before you can get to his again."

"Faith, listen to me very carefully. I'm the only chance Spike has of surviving right now. I was the one that had them remove the chip the first time and I'm the one--"

"No!" Faith said and she hadn't meant it to come out like a gasp.

"You're just saying that to confuse me or you want to believe it yourself. All that brainwash training and shit. You just want to fuck him up some more. You're part of it--you're the one that-- Red can fix him. She's some kind of fucking genius. He doesn't need you," she said.

God! He was good. He was inside her mind now. He had her thinking it would be so much easier if the things he was saying were true.

"But he needs you, Faith," Red said softly.

Faith hadn't forgotten the girl was there. She hadn't forgotten she was going to have to kill Red's friend in front of her and end up dead herself. Faith wasn't sure what would happen after that, but she was sure Red wouldn't be stupid enough to trust any of these other guys with Spike. It was Finn, he got inside somehow.

"Spike needs you to be there for him when he gets better and if you do this that won't happen. You'll go to jail," Red said.

"I'll go to Hell! They'll shoot to kill when they find me, but they won't get to save Finn," Faith snorted at the girl's naivety, "I'm a sharp shooter. It's one of the things I kept after I lost my Slayer power, 'cause it's something I got in my brain. It couldn't get taken away. You know all about that don't you, Finn? You had to keep part of Spike's brain going so he could be the killer you wanted. "

"Riley would never--" Red began.

"Red, you have a lot to learn. Human people do these things, evil things. You can't tell me that Mr. Law and Order here doesn't want Spike dead or even me, after what we did to him," Faith said.

"I think it's you that could learn some stuff here," Red said haughtily, "I do know that human people do evil things. A human person killed my girlfriend who I loved more than anything. Then, I, a human person killed her killer doing an evil thing. "

"Felt good. Didn't it?" Faith asked.

"Yes," Red said, and Faith actually looked away from Finn to look at her.

She hadn't said it with her mousy guilt or given some kind of stumbling run-on answer.

"…but it was wrong."

"Oh!" Faith grumbled, "You were doing so good there for a minute, Red. Why don't you drop the act? B doesn't live here anymore. Was it wrong? Was it really? Didn't what's-her-name deserve some justice? Didn't you have to do all you could for her?"

"Do you think this is what Spike would want, Faith? For you to become a killer, again, after you've worked so hard?" Red demanded unmouseily.

"Spike isn't some snow white Wicca murdered by some actual college boy, Red. Our situation is a little different than yours. We're at war. A war they declared on us. The people who did this to him won't ever get what they deserve. They'll call them heroes."

"You think me and Tara never had to fight wars? I guess now I really know you were never a lesbian. Do you think this is how Spike wants you to fight that war? Is this really going to help him?"

"Yes, Finn is connected to Spike. He has knowledge of him the others don't have. This is the only way to stop them. They'll keep coming for him, no matter what. They'll keep coming. You have to see that!"

"I do see that the world won't ever be safe for you guys, and you have to protect yourselves, but I don't see how killing Riley, a person that has done more good than harm and can help Spike will---"

"What if it's too late?" Faith demanded now as she turned away from Finn fully.

She knew she was doing it. Looking like the crazy hostage taker that had finally broken down into hysterics. Now Finn had a clear shot at her with no threat to himself what so ever.

"What if he's already gone? Then what? Someone has to pay! Someone who did this! He didn't deserve--"

"You don't deserve to die over it, because you couldn't protect him!" Red said firmly.

"But, there's nothing else for me to do. There's nothing else I can do. I'm powerless! Totally fucking powerless, and I will be forever, if I don't do something," Faith said.

Now she really was the hysterical hostage taker who backed down. She was pleading with Red, crying. She liked to believe she wanted to go hug Red, but what she really wanted to do was go beat the shit out of Finn. To feel his bones cracking under her fists. She wanted to go out like that.

"Killing people, yourself, it's not doing something--it's the path to doing nothing. The easy way out. A path that I know has its good points when the person you loved most is not only gone but taken in a way that was wrong. There are other people here that need you--"

"No one--"

"Don't even start!" Red snapped, "I don't care that you don't have any more Slayer power. You're still a Slayer whether you like it or not, and that's important! My girlfriend is the strongest Potential and she looks to you. Angel's son is something we've never seen before, something amazing, and he looks to you. Even if how you feel about them is nothing compared to how you love---There's a life here beyond this war, beyond Spike, even if it's a hard one. You owe it to the people who need you."

"I don't think they really need me," Faith said.

Now she was sitting on the steps of her house, which was really Kennedy's house, everyone knew that. She had her gun by her side and she was really surprised Finn wasn't diving to take it away.

"Kennedy has you, even if you're off somewhere else half the time. It's not like I'm not. And like you said, Connor, he's amazing," Faith said to Red.

"That's bullshit!" Red said nastily as she sat next to Faith.

Faith saw Finn's eyes widen at the idea of the witch swearing. She thought of Wilkins. Had she really felt for Wilkins--that evil fuck? Did she still?

"You know they need you. You say you're not a Champion, but you help them--so do it," Red said.

"In case you haven't noticed, it's not that easy," Faith said and her voice came out soft and tired, "I have Uncle Sam's bitch standing over me here who says he wants to help Spike but I don't trust him at all. He works for the people who did this, people I have no idea how to fight off."

"I'm not working for the people that did this. I told you, I'm in charge here, but some people made some unilateral decisions without me and---, "Finn began.

"I have no idea what unilateral means, but I don't think I have to. I think I know how this works better than you do. You want to think you're all large and in charge--go ahead. But, it's clear you're not X-file boy, you have some smoking cigarette man behind you and I'm not going to let him puppet you around Spike," Faith closed her eyes in frustration.

"What is she talking about? Something about the 'X-files?' You know, people make those 'X-file' and 'Star-Gate' jokes all the time, and I don't watch TV so--Is 'X-files' still on TV? Weren't they FBI? I'm not FBI … "Finn said to Red.

"She's just saying what she said before about you being Uncle Sam's bitch, and she doesn't trust you," Willow said back to her old cheerful tone.

"Willow!" Finn gasped, "You trust me, don't you? I am no one's---I'm not government. I 'm military."

"Of course I trust you Riley, even though I never got the difference of being military instead of government. Can you explain that again? Anyway, this isn't my call to make," Willow said.

"I'm the only chance Spike has," Finn insisted.

"Get out," Faith croaked before she put her face in her hands.

"You know, if you were anyone else I could put you in jail for life for threatening mine. If you were anyone else you'd already be in jail. I'm the reason Spike stayed alive this long. I'm the reason that LA terrorist kid didn't go away forever too," Finn said.

With that Faith no longer felt at all tired, she bolted up so fast she saw Finn reach for some little weapon he had on him.

"If me or Spike or Connor were anyone else we'd all be having a couple of bong hits watching 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force' now," Faith said as she pointed nothing but a finger in his face now, "and the only thing we'd know about demons and war would be from the sci-fi channel and the news."

"You'd be watching water sports?" Finn asked letting go of his little weapon and putting it back in his pants, "Everyone has to deal with demons and war; it's when you start thinking you're special and the rules don't apply to you that you become those things."

"Fine," Faith turned away from him so fast she made herself feel a chill in the Southern California night, "You go back to your secret missions and your mind and body raping soldiers, Mr. Rules, and keep pretending you don' t think you're more special than me."

"If Buffy were here she'd want that ass-faced vampire---"he began.

"If Buffy were here she would think you were one of the good guys. She'd let you in; let you believe you were doing good. But, I won't let you live the lie, and that kills you," Faith felt herself smirking with bite as she turned back to the Boy Scout.

"The only one that's dying here is Spike, but see if I care," Finn said looking down.

"You really do care, don't you?" Faith called to him as he began to turn away,  
"Even though B's not here and you'll get zero cred. You really think you're gonna help Spike, and that's what's right."

"He did save the world, if the reports are correct," Finn grimaced as he put his hand on the back of his neck.

Faith would never figure him out; she wished she didn't have to in order to trust him.

"How would you help anyway? You may be a college boy, but I can tell you're still a grunt like me. You wouldn't know the first thing about tinkering around in his brain…his body," Faith sighed.

"I brought the operative that did the work on him out to deprogram him, and I'll have you know that I do have a very advanced understanding of--"

"You brought the person out who did this to undo it?" Faith felt her laugh sting her nose, "Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck are you thinking? They went to a lot of trouble to get to him; they went to even more to fuck him up. They broke away from your marching orders to do all that, what makes you think they're gonna listen to you now?"

"The person who did this had their reasons, but I've spoken to them at length about the unique situation here, and now they understand," Finn said, like it was all so simple.

"The only thing they understand is how to make a person suffer and they're gonna understand it from the other end if you bring them around," Faith told him, because it really would be all that simple.

"That's not true. They thought Spike was a demon--a monster, and I can't say they are entirely wrong, but now they understand, and they'll reconstruct Spike," Finn assured--himself.

"I wish I could live in Never-land like you, Finn. Anyone who can do something like that to another person doesn't give a shit about souls, and if I see them they're dead. You think someone who did that to him will just turn on a dime and help out?" Faith said.

She could feel herself come to life. She was going to have another show down with Finn and she wanted it. She didn't want him dead anymore, but she wanted to feel alive, and she was going to find a way to show this guy just how stupid he was.

"Faith, if anyone can understand how someone can turn on a dime to help, it's you. I know you're angry but sometimes there's not really some true big bad you can kill. It's not like we're the Justice League and we have crazed super-villains after us, well at least not all the time," Willow said.

Okay, Red was back to being annoying now.

"The Justice League! I know what that is. Superman is in it, right? Superman, now there's a straight forward hero. Nothing like--" Finn was all proud of himself, and then Faith felt her guts dance around in her skin because she saw…

"Spike! Spike!" she called to him.

He looked almost normal again accept for the shaved head and the lack of shirt in the middle of the night. Actually, that was kind of normal. He liked to go around with no shirt. He also liked to walk around with little blonde girls too, accept Faith hadn't seen him do that in forever and she had never seen this particular little blonde before. She didn't look like anything special. She could have been any girl. Accept she wasn't because Spike was following her in the middle of the night.

"Slayer, gonna ride you hard before I break you," Spike said.

Faith would have smiled, would have laughed even, but as she saw Spike get closer to her and come into the porch light she saw he wasn't smiling at all. The girl was smiling instead. Her teeth were too white and too perfect and she had a nasty smile. She had a white coat like the people who drag mental patients away.

"You fucking son of a bitch! You were distracting us the whole time so you could get one of your lab rats to take him. Well, you're not getting him," Faith roared to Finn.

"I didn't---" Finn's flat mid-western face looked so confused, Faith stopped going for her gun, "Shel--Dr. Walsh, what are you doing? I thought you were back at----You've been ordered to stop this--to deprogram Hostile 17. I'm ordering you to give Hostile 17 to me."

"Sorry, Captain. I don't take orders besides, aren't the Nazis your enemy? Shouldn't you be given me a medal for draining this bastard dry," Spike said.

Spike said these words. He said them with feeling but his face was lying dead. He reminded Faith of a serial killer that said they were so sorry, but you just knew they didn't mean it. It wasn't him. It was the things he would say, but it wasn't him. Faith swallowed feeling like something was going to jump out of her throat that wasn't words. She wondered if that was what Spike felt like as he was saying these things, or if he could feel anything at all.

"Oh great! Now you have him like Hostile 67. He's going all hay-wire," Finn said.

Faith didn't understand what he was saying but she knew she hated him, and she should hate him.

"You're damn right the 'bot is going haywire, Red. Make it stop saying those things about me or I'm outta here," Spike said.

Faith had the strangest idea. She wanted to kick Spike in the shins because at least then she'd know he was feeling something and he wouldn't have that blank face.

"Spike, Spike this isn't---"Willow was at a loss too, "Shelley? Shelley? Is that you? You look a lot different without your glasses. What are you doing? Oh---"

Red knew this girl. This prim looking thing with the nasty smile seemed like someone Red might be friends with at the college.

"Stand down, Hostile 17," was the first thing that the girl said and Spike shut his mouth and his eyes, "This is nothing like Hostile 67, General. I just have it echoing things and sometimes it goes to the Broca's area of the brain and it verbalizes what it thinks it's living in its mind. It's the only way---It's been a useful way of controlling it while I'm still working on it."

"You're the bitch that did all of this to him!" Faith snapped.

She felt stupid after she said it. She had no idea what this chick really did to Spike, but it should have been obvious right away that she was the one who did it.

"And she's the one that's going to make it right," Finn said.

Well, at least Faith wasn't the stupidest person here.

"Sorry, General, but I was never military. I'm special ops outside military--government, and I never answered to you. In fact, I don't answer to anyone anymore," the girl said and she smiled again.

"That's funny 'cause I don't either. Let him go. Release whatever hold you have on him--fix him," Faith said as she pointed her gun again, this time at the real power.

"I know you're not known for your intelligence with all the blood baths you've caused in your little independent quest to save people," the girl never stopped smiling, "So, I'll make this as simple as possible. I already have fixed this murdering demon. I've fixed it to right all it has wronged, and if you even think about killing me like you did my mother, I'll push this button and he'll be dust in a matter of hours. You're little brain knows all about staking, right? Well, this is a stake from the inside out."

The girl showed Faith something that looked like a little silver MP3 player that Kennedy had. Faith wanted to jump the chick and grab the thing. She wanted to think that the girl was lying. Faith wasn't that stupid.

"The only blood bath I'll cause is yours if you don't let him go," Faith demanded trying her hand with the gun.

"Blood bath? What blood bath? Faith you killed Shelley's mother? Faith would never do that! I mean, accept maybe in the time she did that. Oh no. You have a past together," Red said.

"I've never seen this bitch before in my life and I know I never killed anyone's mother," Faith said through gritted teeth.

"I knew that's just what someone like you would say. You Slayer demons are so dangerous because you don't realize you're all exactly the same. What one of you has done the next one might as well do. You're all symptoms of a ravaging disease. It's just why you have to be killed. I didn't really want to be here to see it. War is so gross up close, but that's life," the girl said.

She had this peaceful way of talking like she was in some horrible boring war movie. Faith would give her a fucking war movie.

"Dr. Walsh, Shelley, we talked about this---" Finn began.

"Shut-up, general!" Walsh spat with anger, and Faith was relieved that she finally sounded pissed," You don't know how lucky you are that I don't have you killed too. You were a part of it. You all were apart of it. Everything was going fine with my mother's work until The Slayer came along. She was an out lying variable that created chaos. She allowed Hostile 17 to escape. She harbored him. I've read the notes. That was when everything started to disintegrate and you found my mother dead. Then, the demons took over and we lost even more of our own."

"Oh. That blood bath! Oh my god!" Willow gasped, "You're Maggie Walsh's daughter. I should have known you have the same eyes, and you're both known for your strict grading, but Walsh is such a common nam---Oh Shelly, you have it all wrong. Faith had nothing to do with that blood bath. She was off creating a totally different---that was Buffy, the other Slayer--and--and it wasn't like that. Buffy tried to help your mom. Buffy liked your mom; I don't think she could have passed your Mom's class but--"

"You were a part of it too, Willow? I guess there's no one to trust in this town," the girl said, "Maybe it's due to the experiments they did in the water. A side effect makes people think being friends with the Slayer, a half-demon, a killer, is a great idea."

Faith wished the chick would go back to talking in her tight assed way. She sounded too familiar now.

"Buffy isn't a demon or a killer! She is an amazing hero, and that was the Slayer that tried to save Maggie, and the one who saved me," Finn said.

"So, this little trashy thing isn't the one that you were into? I did think you had better taste, General," the girl was glaring at Faith for the first time, "It doesn't matter. Haven't you been listening? They're all the same. This may as well be the one that killed my mother. Don't you see, General, they attract demons, death, anarchy."

"Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace. And part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. She really wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish. Even you," Spike had opened his eyes again and said this to no one but the night itself.

"The Slayer demon girls; they're freaks. They have demon in them that no one can sense. You can test their blood and the demon in them doesn't show," Walsh hissed,  
"They are the embodiment of it all. That's why I had to recapture the greatest half-demon of them all, Hostile 17. He was the one that always got inside of The Slayers. I knew if I could get control of Hostile 17 I could destroy the Slayer. I have inside information that this Slayer's death will destroy the line, once and for all."

"You're a crazy bitch!" Faith roared, but she wasn't pointing the gun anymore.

She knew a crazy bitch when she saw one and she knew pointing the gun would do no good. The bitch would kill Spike with that MP3 looking thing before Faith's shot could kill her.

"Crazy like a fox, love," Spike snickered, "No, I'm the one that's gonna get you once and for all, Nikki."

Faith literally felt her ears begin to ring as she felt her chest thump. Nikki. Robin's mother. Spike was in his past. His voice sounded like he meant it, but his face, his body, didn't seem to feel it. There was this chick that was a social worker in the clink. She was a flake that talked about the mind-body-soul connection. Spike had said something about being "separated" before. Faith felt like such a bitch now because he thought he had meant he had been separated from her, not himself.

"Got an ace up my sleeve, but I'm not cheating not like I did with Sophie," Spike said with no grin on his face,

"I can't count her as a kill because I had too much help, you see. She was a decent Slayer, not as long in the tooth as you, not as confident; I love them like that. Slayers. You're all so different, but all the same. Lost little girls in a world that you think's beneath you fighting the good fight. I'd almost admire you if I didn't have all this seething hatred for you. You're the one I've seethe for the most so far. You're such a foxy lil' Mama. That's why I made sure…"

"Shut-up!" Walsh spat.

Faith was actually startled. She was listening to what Spike was saying. What he had said to Nikki Wood.

"I mean, Stand down, Hostile 17. Disarm," Walsh said in her proper war movie voice now.

Spike stopped. He shut his eyes. Faith never hated a person more than this girl.

"Listen, Shelley, we just need to talk about this. Whatever you think happened was not what happened, and a Slayer isn't some kind of half-demon killer. Even though now it may look like…You probably want answers, and if we just stop all this Quentin Tarintino meets The Manchurian Candidate stuff and talk, I can give them to you," Willow said.

Red may be smart about some things. Faith totally admitted that she had underestimated her in the area of life-smarts before. But, Red still couldn't see when someone wasn't going to listen. It was a good thing it didn't matter anymore. Faith had spotted something the others didn't see. Salvation, in the usual form it comes in for her. Faith smiled.

"I have all the answers I need, Willow," the girl said," The answers to make this world everything that real human beings deserve. It'll be a world free of all demons, of course, there will be some necessary evils, but, with the Slayer gone and Hostile 17 and the LA childe controlled by us things will be the way they are supposed to be. The terror will end."

"The LA child? You mean Connor? That's Connor!" Faith stopped smiling for a second, but then she started up again, "I knew you were gonna try to make Spike kill me, but Connor? Why? Forget it. It doesn't matter. You can't, bitch. There's a little outlying whatcha-ma-call-it--that you forgot about that we have on our side."

"What's that?" the girl smiled back at her, "Your stupid little home-made weapons?"

"No, a father who cares, who's really strong, and I have a jet that's way bigger and faster than your helicopter," Angel said and he hit Finn who fell like a sack.

"I knew you'd come. I knew it!" Faith said as she swallowed to sound normal.

She didn't want to sound like some little teeny-bopper Veronica Mars whose Daddy came to get her. So she made sure she didn't. She made sure she didn't hug him either.

"I got a very garbled message from a very hysterical Harmony, so I'm not really sure what's going on, but it looks like I was right to come," he said.

"Angel! Wow, you're as stealthy as ever. You hit the wrong person though," Willow said.

"Are you sure? I don't think so. I mean, the Riley guy's the muscle, right? I didn't want to hit a regular girl. She is a regular girl, right? "Angel asked.

"Don't be so glum, mate!" Spike said, "The way you tell it, one Slayer snuffs it, another one rises. I figure there's a new Chosen One getting all chosen as we speak. I tell you what... when and if this new bird does show up; I'll give you first crack at her."

"Whoa. What's wrong with Spike?" Angel said and he actually jumped back as of Spike had really spooked him, "I couldn't even sense he was here, and I always sense him. It's almost like a part of my curse. Where's Connor?"

"I don't know where your sodding doxy is. All I know is she's been a lot more interested in me than you as of late. You know what I think? I think it's this something Dru's going on about-- some curse? There's something different about you. Something off--weak. I can smell it. Smells like fear," Spike said and he almost did seem to smile a little.

He looked like he was getting ready to jump Angel too. Angel looked like he was getting more than ready to jump Spike.

"Angel, don't! He's not Spike, not really," Faith said.

"I kind of got that part," Angel said as he stopped and looked at her, "although it sounds like Spike, the old Spike, and I got the part that he's programmed to kill you and Connor. Not happening. Gotta take him down, just for now."

"You can't. She put a machine in him and he's super-strong," Faith explained.

Though, she didn't feel like she was explaining any better than the average eleven year old. She just wanted this to be over.

"We'll see; I'm used to taking on Spike when he's being simple-minded," Angel said.

"Don't touch her!" Spike yelled now, and he really was yelling, and he really looked pissed…at Angel.

Faith would almost be relieved if it made any kind of sense, and if the blonde bitch wasn't smiling.

"Why did you...?" Spike demanded, "You knew. You knew she was mine. You knew bloody well! Unh-aaaugh!"

Spike was gonna charge Angel. He was gonna kill him and the blonde bitch was gonna smile.

"Disarm, Hostile 17!" the girl said firmly.

The way you would to a puppy, and Spike stopped. Faith hated herself for breathing a sigh of relief.

"So you're Mr. Angel," the bitch smiled, "My goodness, I had no idea it could get so volatile around other demons. It's supposed to kill them methodically."

Faith thought the girl had every idea about why Spike was getting so "volatile".

"Oh, I hope I didn't offend calling you a demon. I know you're different. You have influence. Apparently, you even have some kind of influence over Hostile 17. Impressive. Hostile 17 has some unresolved past issues with you. Don't worry. We have no intention of harming you. We've been watching you for a while and we like your work," she said to Angel.

"I wish I could say the same. If you really have been watching me you'd know that there's no way we could have a civil conversation after what you've done, let alone that you just threatened my son," Angel said.

"Oh, Mr. Angel, don't listen to the Slayer. You of all people should know how they really don't do anyone any good. We have no intention of harming your son. We are completely sticking to the original agreement that you had with Wolfram and Hart. Actually, part of the treaty I made was to ensure that the original agreement with your son was honored."

"I read the fine print, several times, and in the original agreement it said nothing about Spike being sent out to kill him," Angel folded his arms.

Faith really wished that Angel would start beating the girl. She wasn't some lawyer Angel could negotiate with. Although, Faith knew that if Angel wasn't going to negotiate with her Spike would be dead.

"Right," Walsh said, "In fact, what you wanted was for your son to have nothing to do with…Spike…or the Slayer or any ugly business like that. You wanted him to be a normal happy good person, right?"

It looked like it physically hurt Walsh to say "Spike." It hurt her to not call him prisoner number 17, or whatever. Faith looked at Willow who was on the ground helping the groaning Finn. Faith wished her natural instinct was to help people sometimes.

"That's right," Angel said, "and that didn't happen, so why would I trust anyone who even knows about what I wanted again, even if they didn't turn Spike into a raving assassin?"

"Because, we were never going to have Hostile 17 kill your son; we were just going to have it collect him and neutralize---make him cooperate for a moment being that Hostile 17 proved to be affective in making your son cooperate in the past."

"You were going to send Spike out like this thinking Connor wouldn't know something was wrong. He's not stupid," Angel said.

"Of course not," Walsh smiled and she kind of did look like a lawyer, "There are still bugs in the system. It escaped before I---Hostile 17 would have been under my full control. I would have programmed him to say what was needed or do to get your son to me."

"You cun--" Faith began.

She had her own way of negotiating with lawyers or anyone like them, but Angel wasn't having it. He cut her off.

"And then what? You'd have Spike threaten him to go back to his old life or he'd kill him?"

"Mr. Angel, I can tell you've been working with demons and their crude methods. Isn't it nice to think that you won't have to do that much anymore? I'd make sure Hostile--Spike--would never hurt your son. You're son is just going to be brought in for some effective cognitive therapy this time. I personally don't know what Wolfram and Hart was thinking using magic. Sometimes they can be so old-school, like those Watchers. They really should get with the times. Well, that's neither here nor there. Were just going to make sure your son never wants to leave his happy life again. He'll never get back his undesirable memories. He'll never want to go rolling around in the streets with older whore-ish women and murdering ---"

"You bitch; Connor doesn't find those memories undesirable-- you do!" Faith said.

She knew this was Angel's business, Connor was his kid, not hers, but she had to say something. Faith got why these people wanted her and Spike, right or wrong, but they had no right to be even thinking of Connor. He was innocent.

"I think Mr. Angel finds them undesirable, and that's what matters," the bitch said.

"No, that's not what matters. If I let you do what you just said you would be making him into some mind controlled zombie," Angel said.

"Let me?" Walsh smiled like Angel told a joke, "What I'm doing is exactly the same as what you asked Wolfram and Hart to do for him, only I'm doing it right. You know he'll be happier. You've seen it."

"This is Connor's life, his choice," Angel said.

"And trust me he's making the wrong one. What if I told you I have inside information that if he doesn't get out of this life, horrible things we'll happen to him? He'll change back into something worse than what he was before," the bitch said.

Was she threatening something? Why wasn't Angel just ripping her head off?

"Connor wants to be in this mission for a chance to do something good, after the mistakes he made. There's no way he'd ever go back to the destructive way he was. I know that," Angel said firmly.

"Do you really? Don't worry, Mr. Angel. He'd be able to fight in the mission again. In fact, in a year or so the military has every intention of approaching him with his special skills. I'm sure he'll get everything he wants. If he fights with them he'll be a true a hero. You know he'd always be doing the right thing, fighting on the right side."

"You mean he'd be like him!" Angel swiveled his head to Finn and back to the girl so fast that it was almost funny.

Finn was talking quietly to Red now. He sounded like he was saying something about Angel being dangerous. Faith really wished Angel was the only one that was dangerous. Then the world would be perfect. Spike wouldn't be standing there like some shut down action figure with a shaved head that Faith didn't even have the guts to look at now.

"The only thing I can think of that would be worse was if you did to him what you did to Spike here. Tell me you weren't thinking you were going to do to my son what you did to Spike here. Please tell me you aren't that stupid to think I wouldn't kill you and everyone involved with you for even trying that," Angel said to Walsh.

Faith smiled. Finn seemed be holding his hand at towards Angel in a-see-my-point-gesture to Red. It would all be a laugh riot if the evil white-coat bitch wasn't smiling too. Faith didn't know if it was her imagination, but Angel seemed to avoid looking at Spike too.

"Mr. Angel, please!" the girl smiled sanctimoniously, "We just did this to Hostile 17 because it was the most efficient thing to---"

That's it, Faith had fucking had it! The girl looked more insulted that Angel thought she was stupid enough to cross a power like him other than at the fact that he just threatened to kill her. Angel had power, mad people around him, and Spike didn't so the bitch could do this to Spike, and she was trying to work her way in to do it to Angel --to Connor. Any idiot could see that, but what pissed Faith off is that she wasn't full on admitting what she had done and why she had done it. She really wanted to believe she was the good guy, and Angel was her "necessary evil."

"Efficient way my ass!" Faith roared, "You wanted Spike to suffer, he's still in there and he knows he's being made to kill me. You wanted me to suffer, 'cause in your fucked up head you think we killed your mom. Who I bet was an arrogant bitch that got what she had coming just like you!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Angel," the girl said after her eyes popped out at Faith and she took a gasp of breath in for too long.

"You won't like this, and I won't either" she seemed to say in a sweet way that reminded Faith a little too much of Red, "But, I have to kill the demon girl now. I know you'll understand in time. We're on the same side."

"Huh?" Angel asked, "Demon girl? What are you--"

"She means me," Faith said.

"Oh really," he said as he started walking up to the girl, "Well, I don't think--"

"Angel, don't!" Faith grabbed at him, "She has something that will kill Spike and she'll set it off…and I think she's the only one who can get him back to good."

Faith's voice trailed off into a whisper as the girl just stood there confirming it all with her silence.

"Wait," Angel said, "I thought she wanted Spike and Connor."

"She wants my people, my boys. She's trying to take them so she can have me," Faith explained as she walked up to the girl, "The Slayer. She sees me as the thing that causes all the demons 'cause I fight the demons--"

"You are the demon. I've been researching you for years. You have no idea what you really are, how evil you are. Through out time wherever there was a Slayer there was terror."

Red and Finn placed there verbal disagreements to this idea, but Faith knew that the girl had heard them as much as she had. The girl was glaring at Faith now, clenching her jaw. Faith couldn't help but think that this was way better than when she was calling her stupid trash.

"See," Faith turned back and smiled at Angel, "I got it. I wasn't sure if I got it because it's kinda a tweeked out idea, but I got it."

"You don't get it at all, you illiterate whore. You're nothing but a drone. You were supposed to be something humanity used to protect themselves. Those men built a whole system of higher education around you, a low-grade soldier, as if you were something of value. They never had a hold on you--not once. Well, that's about to end," she said.

"There's a system of higher education built around Faith?" Red asked.

"She means the Watchers," Faith explained as she looked back at the lack-jawed Red.

Faith felt herself lick her lips. It was a habit she had when she was trying to explain something right. A few hours ago she wouldn't have given a shit if Red, or anyone, understood anything, but now she wanted everyone to know, even the confused looking Finn whose face was looking bruised.

"See their little world of books could never control me or B or Nikki or even Potentials like Kennedy," Faith said, "I bet we're all bitches. So, now weird science girl wants to kill me, so she can rebuild from scratch or some shit. It's like the opposite of what she did to Spike because she needed Spike to be Spike in some way."

"Why would anyone want Spike to be Spike in some way?" Angel asked, "If they were going to mess with him like this, I mean."

"Yeah?" Finn asked.

None of them knew the simple answer, and Finn and Red had been here. Wasn't anyone listening? Faith looked at the closed eyes and shaved head of Spike now and clenched her fists.

"To kill the Slayer, of course," Walsh stated simply.

"And to suffer, you tight assed ugly bitch. Don't forget the suffering," Faith echoed back her simple tone.

She wasn't really ugly now that Faith saw her up-close. She looked a little like a blend of B and that waif girl, Fred. She had that annoying perky cute face accept her eyes were a little too dead for it. The perfect golden blonde dye-job helped liven it up. She could be any girl really, accept there was something about the way she looked that would make anyone see she was a college girl.

"There always has to be some unpleasant stimuli if you want to truly condition an animal, but you won't have to worry about pain yourself, at least not for too long," she smiled.

"No Shelley!" Red said sharply, "It's over. I got it--I got Spike to stop responding to all the operant conditioning by using extinction."

"That--that's impossible. There's no way you could have done that this fast. It would take months---You're lying! It still wants to kill. If I didn't shut it down it would have killed Mr. Angel," Walsh said.

"Yeah, well, Spike still may be confused, or maybe not that confused, he and Angel fight sometimes," Red said, "There's no doubt he's still in a bit of a positive schizophrenic episode due to whatever hypnotic suggestions or hallucinogens you put into him, but I was able to shut down those adrenal advancers you put into his system too."

Faith moved closer to the girl as she stood with her mouth open.

"How could you shut down the adrenal enhancements? They were in its nervous system. You'd have to shut down the central nervous system to do that, and it wouldn't survive that," she said.

"Number one you're wrong a human wouldn't survive that, vampires don't need constant blood and oxygen getting to their heads. You should know that vampires have a different central nervous system, and number two, I'm Willow Rosenberg. I'm a wiz."

"So--so what? The Initiative never dreamed of the technology I used and they were still able to put a simple trigger in its head. It'll still kill the Slayer the second I trigger it," the girl said

Faith only recognized the word "trigger" other than that, she had no idea what they were saying, but it seemed good. Red was already on her way to fixing Spike. Faith got even closer to the girl.

"Oh yeah and the trigger is gone. He won't kill Faith. You really should have secured it more. Apparently, no one's perfect, Shelley," Willow said.

"You---" the girl began but before she could get any further Faith jumped on her.

She was quicker than Faith thought. She grabbed for her little device that would kill Spike and held it tight in her fist as Faith wrestled her for it. It felt like it took Faith forever to claw her way into the girl's fist. Maybe it was because she kept getting distracted by the eerily still Spike. She didn't think his eyes were closed anymore, but it was hard to tell in this light. She struggled to get up with the device that could kill Spike as she left the weird mad science girl panting on the ground.

"You said the trigger was gone, Red? Doesn't that mean I can touch him? His eyes are open, but he doesn't know I'm here, does he? It has to do with brains and systems and all those things you were saying. I can't even begin to get it. All I want to know now is if I take his hand will he come with me?" Faith said.

"I think so," Red said.

"Come with me," Faith said and then she sucked in too much air into her nose because she realized she was using the voice she used to talk to her senile Grandmother whose brain had rotted away long ago.

"Did you find a good hiding place?" he asked and his voice slipped back into the Watcher accent, " Maybe we should split up. The dumbwaiter is a perfect place for you. You're such a niblet."

"No, no more splitting up! No more hiding. I just want to go home," Faith spat at him her voice breaking as she took his hand.

She hadn't meant to yell at him or freak out. There was no point in it. The drama was over and he had no idea she was even there.

"Fine!" he said, "You don't have to get so cross."

"Do you think he heard what I--" Faith began

"Tell you what, William," Walsh said as she got off the ground, "If you want her... come and take her."

Faith didn't get it. Why was the chick suddenly talking to Spike like he was a person? Before she had a second to think about it Spike was pulling her into him by her wrists. He bared his teeth. His eyes and face didn't have that silver shit in them anymore, but he still didn't look like him. Nothing about him looked like he was enjoying being in vamp face, or like he was going to enjoy what he was going to do next which was kill Faith.

"Apparently, no one's perfect, Willow. You should know that we always give vampires a back-up trigger," the girl said.

Faith felt herself being pulled back so fast she didn't know where her feet were and it felt it took a second for her gut to come with her. She realized it was Angel, who pulled her back from Spike, and he just saved her life as usual, but she felt like she was forced to leave everything she needed behind.

"You bitch!" Angel yelled in demon face as he was fighting off Spike.

"Oh, Mr. Angel. Come on now," the girl answered.

Faith didn't realize he had been talking to Walsh. Faith thought maybe Angel was yelling at her for being so stupid or maybe even Spike. It wasn't like Angel to call someone a bitch he just met, even if that person was trying to kill his friends. In order for him to call someone something like that he had to be taking it personally.

"You're nothing like the demon he was. You always know how to use your past to make things right," the girl said.

"The only thing I'm going to make right about the past is to make sure someone like you can never use it against me again," Angel managed to say as he got thrown by Spike.

"Angel!" Faith yelled.

This wasn't supposed to be the way he'd come and help. He was supposed to come and bash down soldier guys that wanted Spike, but instead the bitch had Angel fighting Spike in a vamp fight after she made him into a soldier. Angel crashed into the side of the house and chunks of painted white house came with him. Faith saw a huge blood stain where Angel had fallen away from the house with the chunks of it. Spike came towards her and Faith couldn't help but feel relieved because it looked like the machine part wasn't working in him anymore, but it was just his demon. Pure and nothing else.

"Angel, don't. He'll kill you!" Faith said as Angel managed to throw Spike off a second time.

"She's right," the girl said.

She was observing happily as Red and Finn just watched in shock. They knew now they were out of their league.

"She can't hide behind you forever, vampire, and when she dies the world that you want for your son can happen," she said to Angel.

"I don't really think you know Jack about what I want, lady," Angel managed to say after Spike just hammered him in the face.

"Angel, I know how this bitch is trying to convince you different, but this shit is about her and Spike and me--The Slayer, and I don't want you dying over it," Faith pleaded as Angel was losing the fight to Spike.

Of course he was, no one could fight pure demon, not even if it was you fighting your own. Faith hoped that everyone could convince Spike of that after Red fixed him. Faith knew in the end that this bitch couldn't really win. Not when there were really good people here to help like Red, Angel, Connor and Kennedy. They'd be the ones that could really guide people that needed it, like Finn, the stupid shit, who probably really wanted to be a good person, but wasn't sure how. Faith could relate. She'd almost killed him for letting this happen.

"She wants me," Faith said, "Let her have me and be here to fight the rest of it. I know you won't let her get anyone else. You tell Spike that goes for him too when he gets better. You be sure to tell him he wasn't the one who really killed me, and you explain to him all the complex evil and shit that did. How it wasn't just this bitch either, even if she was the one that made it all happen."

Faith bent down and said this to Angel who was hurt bad but was still gripping on to Spike who was doing a good job of kicking his ass to get free. Angel was grunting human grunts of pain while Spike was just growling and gnashing. Then all of a sudden Spike just stopped and stood still.

"Spike, Spike, can you hear me!" Faith yelled.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm a rude bad man," he said as Angel still lay on the grass recovering.

"No, special Ed," Walsh laughed now, "He can't hear you. Anybody who knows anything about past hallucinogen hypnotic induced states would know that. He just needs to be retriggered again. The back up trigger can be a bitch, but I'll have plenty of time to work it out. Go over his most traumatic painful events over and over."

"Ill show you a traumatic painful event over and over," Faith said and then charged at the girl screaming.

"Tell you what... William. If you want her... come and take her," the girl said calmly as Faith had just about grabbed her.

Then she felt herself being pulled away from the girl as she struggled just to hit her once. Spike had gotten his hands around her head. At least it would be quick. He'd break her neck.

"Hostile 17, Disarm," Walsh said and Spike let go of her and stood quietly.

Faith looked up at him as she was down on her knees. She really thought she hated his standing around like a Ken doll more than when he was a pure monster.

"I just want to make one thing clear," the girl said, "I don't want you--you stupid bitch. I already have what I want. Control, and unlike my mother I knew, I knew I had to bring down the whole system of chaos. I had to bring every thing that made it work…and when I looked back it was always the Slayers and always him."

She gestured to Spike with a fierce waive and a grimace.

"Before him, those pointless intellectual idiots had enough control, but it was when he came around a hundred years ago things started to unravel. He'd kill the Slayers, toy with them, have se--doing other disgusting things with them, and control was lost," she said.

"You really are a mad scientist, little Betty," Faith spat, "All that shit was forever ago, now he's good. He helps the Slayers, he saves them, he saves the world."

"What world? This one, with all its disgusting demons like you? No one decent wants this world. Of course I know how Hostile 17 is acting out his obsession with Slayers differently now. I know about--about all the disgusting things you do, and how you think it's all so wonderful and different. But, it's not different! It never mattered if he was trying to kill the Slayers or join with them. It's all the same! You're still the two things that can't be controlled, setting each other off, and then you joined and you killed my mother!"

"Wow!" Faith laughed, "I thought I used to be a crazy ball of misdirected anger, but I never had anything on you. I thought college was supposed to be a place where you found yourself and worked on your issues. I didn't think they'd let a real nutter in. I guess you had really good scores on the STTs or whatever."

"1600," the girl smiled at Faith and she had no clue what she just said, but she got what the next thing was by now.

"Tell you what... William. If you want her... come and take her."

"No!" Faith heard Angel yell as Spike went to attack her again.

Faith knew he must be hurt real bad if he couldn't get over in time to fight some more. She really hoped he'd get there wasn't really a way to win this one without her dying at some point.

"Disarm, Hostile 17!" someone yelled behind Faith.

It was Red, but she sounded funny. Spike went back away from Faith and just did that spooky peaceful waiting thing.

"No!" Walsh yelled and she actually looked scared too.

"I'm sorry," Red said, "I am so so sorry. I was really trying to figure out what to do. I was working every spell through my head. I was trying so hard to put a bubble around you but it doesn't work outdoors really well. And there was no getting through whatever Shelley did to Spike's brain, and then finally--finally--it occurred to me I could just make my voice like hers and use the disarm code. Duh. I know I should have thought of it way sooner, but it was really hard to think with all these surprises and homicidal rage."

Faith looked over at Willow as it took her a few seconds to figure out what she had said as usual. At first Faith thought she was apologizing to her little college friend for messing up her experiment.

"I'm really sorry," Willow said again as Faith looked at her.

"That's okay, Red," Faith grinned as she got up, "Sometimes it takes a while to realize the best way to attack a problem."

"I think I need to make an arrest here tonight," Finn said.

"If you come near me I'll kill your precious vampire, General," the girl said.

Faith didn't think that Finn was talking about arresting Walsh. Then she realized that she had dropped the device that could kill Spike and Walsh had got in again. Fuck!

"Not that you'll ever be able to undo the psychological damage I've done to him, Rosenberg. He really is the walking dead now," Shelley said.

"No!" Faith yelled, "You're lying. You'd just say anything to hurt us, you twisted bitch!"

"People did say you were something impressive, an individual that stood out, Willow," Walsh seemed to be ignoring Faith again, "But, I'm actually really disappointed that all you have is your stupid magic tricks that we both know don't last."

"Tell you what... William--" Walsh began with the trigger again.

"No Shelley, don't!" Willow gasped, "The spell probably threw everything you did out of whack. If you set off the trigger there's no telling what Spike will do."

"Oh, Willow," Shelley said, "That's the difference between you and me. In my field I always know what my subjects will do," she said, "Tell you what, William…"

Spike's fangs came out and they actually dripped with pure animal rage. Maybe she was right and there was no coming back for Spike. This animal that was stalking its pray looked nothing like him and it was screwed up. He wasn't stalking Faith anymore but Shelley Walsh.

"Disarm Hostile 17," Walsh grumbled.

When Spike only slowed down for a moment and then kept walking towards her she said it louder.

"Disarm Hostile 17!"

Again Spike slowed but kept walking towards her. Finn jumped on him and Spike merely had to shake like a dog getting out of water to get Finn off. But, Finn was giving it the college try and jumping on him again.

"Keep giving the command, Shelley. It's slowing him down. Just keep saying it and we'll get him under control," Finn said.

Instead of doing that Walsh pushed the button on her little device that she promised would kill Spike. Faith watched Spike fall and hold his head. He was back to being human.

"It's the chip, Buffy," he said, "I think it's gone wonky."

"Now it's under control, but only for about an hour. Then it'll be dead and all of this was for nothing," Walsh sighed.

Faith saw a frown on her she hadn't before. It looked sorrowful, like she had truly lost something. Faith thought nothing else could piss her off more than Walsh's superior smile, but she was wrong.

"You're wrong, Walsh." Faith hissed, "This is all gonna be for something. Something you wished you never started. You're wrong about everything. Spike is gonna rise up outta this and be even more of the uncontrollable bastard force you said he was, but he's not gonna be your problem. He's gonna be too busy fighting the good fight. I'm the one that's gonna be your problem. This illiterate drone whore is gonna track you down. This isn't over, bitch!"

"Oh no, it's over, for him anyway. No one can stop the destruction mode, not even me, and I'm guessing that means its over for you too," Shelley smiled.

All Faith could do was not look at her as she held the back of Spike's head as he was curled up in a ball. She wasn't sure if he was in pain or not anymore. The way his hand was sewn on to his wrist made him look like a rag-doll, but he wasn't a rag-doll because his hand was working like Red said it would. When Faith held it, it squeezed back.

"You thought you were so special," Walsh said and Faith was surprised she was talking to her and not Willow, "That you could just kill people and then just pay it back to the world when you felt like it. But you're wrong. It's me. I'm the one who gets to decide, because I've worked hard. I've earned this. You've earned nothing. Now your demon lover is worse than dead, and he deserves it. You all deserve it, and people like me will make sure you get it no matter how long it takes. We'll make sure we get it all under control. You won't get anything in the end, because once all your tricks and anarchy stop working they'll be no where to run."

Suddenly, Spike jumped up with a growl and lunged for Walsh. Finn quickly tried the disarm code with no success. There was a lot of screaming and yelling. Faith just wished it would stop. Then, the shots came…one…two…three. Faith remembered her gun had three bullets left. One through the head and two in the chest-- that stopped him. Spike sunk to the ground again with no yelping or talking, he didn't seem to have pain.

"Maybe you're right," Faith said as she looked down at Shelley Walsh, "But, I do have something you don't to fight the things that piss me off. Really good aim."

Shelley Walsh lay dead on the ground with three bullets in her. Her face held no expression as there was a huge hole in her forehead. The blood that flowed from her chest looked very bright against her white coat even in just the porch light. Faith still felt the heat in the gun she was holding. Then Faith sat down next to Spike and put one hand on the back of his neck, and with the other she still held the empty gun.

"God Damn it!" someone yelled. It was Finn.

"You didn't have to kill her. Blood didn't have to be spilled tonight. I guess that's something you can't understand."

"Red," Faith said totally ignoring Finn, "She was right. There's nothing we can do. We only have an hour and he's dead."

"Well, we can try, but I don't think there are any spells for dying vampires since most of them just, ya know, just die," Willow said.

"You're a total idiot," Angel said weakly as he still sat injured on the ground.

"I'm sorry Angel," Willow said a bit snippily, "I know you've been in the 'near death' category a lot, but most vampires--"

"Not you, Willow," Angel said, "I'm talking to The Peace Officer over here. It was your friend that was out for blood, not Faith. I've been around the world now---saving it over and over, and there's always some moron that thinks they can save it once and for all and make it just the way they want it. And what they don't see is that will only end in blood, and they'll be the ones making people bleed."

"She wasn't my friend she was-- How can she be the one that was wrong here with her blood spilled?" Finn insisted.

"Blood is life, lack-brain," Spike shot up his head and said suddenly "Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood.""

"You don't--" Finn began.

"He's not talking to you, farm boy. He's just echoing something in his past you triggered with all this talk of blood," Faith snorted.

Faith knew she was beyond caring, let alone joining some debate club of the wounded. She was sitting and holding her dying man, and he was too fucked in the head to even know what was going on. This wasn't the first time she wished B had killed her to save Angel when she poisoned him, but this was the first time she really felt it from B's side. Suddenly, Faith smiled as she felt her pulse quicken, her blood rush through her body. She could almost laugh as she heard B's voice in her head: You always were a little slow.

"You guys," Faith said as she got out her knife from her pocket, "Tell Connor and Kennedy and Dawn and Amanda too--Tell them I'm sorry."

She was only looking at Spike as she lifted his head up.

"Sorry love, I don't speak Chinese," he said.

"You want blood, baby. Well, you were the one that said I was still a Slayer, we'll see if you're right," Faith said as she cut her neck just enough to get the smell of blood out.

"Hey, I don't think your playing fair," he said with that blank look on his face.

"Damn straight," she said and knew it was asking too much to wish he'd really look at her one last time.

"Faith, don't!" Angel yelled as he caught on.

"Tell you what... William," Faith breathed, "If you want her... come and take her."

Faith was surprised that it didn't really hurt that much. Maybe it was because Spike bit down so fast. It did start to feel painful as he sucked but in a right kind of way. She couldn't even think of fighting because he was so latched on to her and inside of her in a way that he had never been even when his soul had been inside of her to save her. Now she was saving him, and it was the most basic stripped down way to save someone that had shit to do with metaphysics and souls. Metaphysics. She understood what that meant now, she understood everything as she was drowning, floating, dying.

TBC… Feedback at the"review" box or at livejournal!


	10. Chapter 10

More or Less 7--Wish You Were Here

_Chapter Sum: After Spike was experimented on by Maggie Walsh's daughter, Faith gave her blood to save him, but is he really saved or is there just more history repeating? Willow and Giles talk about whether they should repeat history and emotionally protect Buffy. Willow and Connor are forced to question their abilities once again. _

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year—Pink Floyd

"She's waking up," an English accent said.

Faith jerked violently, but she couldn't move. She had been restrained to the bed she was in. A handful of people were now looking over her bed, Wizard of Oz style. Faith thought she preferred waking up alone if she had to be chained to a bed. She had no time to deal with this.

"Spike," she called, as she realized she couldn't go anywhere, and he was probably still in deep shit somewhere if he hadn't gotten all her blood.

"No, Faith. It's me, Wesley," Wes said, "You have to lie down now. You have a very serious and unusual injury and you need medical care."

No shit. No matter how out of it she was she knew Wes wasn't Spike, and she knew Spike bit her because she made him. It was to save his life. What she didn't know was:

"Did it work? Did I save Spike? Is he okay? Where is he? When the hell did you show up, Wes?"

"Don't worry, Faith," Connor said and grabbed her hand, "Everything is gonna be okay. We'll make sure of it. We're in LA, at the Wolfram and Hart hospital, if they can't make you better…Well, they will. "

Faith squeezed Connor's hand and looked into his big blue eyes, but the way he set his mouth made him look like his dad.

"Angel," Faith gasped suddenly.

"Do you want me to get him for you? He's here. He's just with--He's here." Connor said.

"No, I'm sure he has more important shit to do than hold my hand," Faith said as she looked at the sterile white-ness of the room around her, "I was just remembering how Angel came and saved us from that bitch."

Faith felt so weak that Willow's whispering to Kennedy vibrated under her skin. The room was so white it seemed to blur around the edges. She was thankful for Connor's army green shirt and blood dirtied face. Faith noticed that Connor's face wasn't the only one that was dirty from a fight in the room. She saw Wes's face and Giles's face. Giles?

"…Only Angel really couldn't save us from that evil bitch," Faith said as she made her mouth twist into a smile, "She was too powerful with all that science shit, and she already fucked with Spike and she was gonna do more serious damage before anyone could stop her. So, I killed her, and I'd do it again."

She looked at Giles, "Is that why you're here, G-man? I know you didn't drag yourself out from whatever rock you're under in England just to give me balloons. You're here to take me to some Slayer jail. But it's gotta be more kick ass than my other jail. Do I get cable? I've developed a cartoon network addiction while I've been on the outside."

"What?" Connor barked before Giles could open his mouth, "Okay, who is this guy? I'm not asking again."

"He's Giles and Giles would never send Faith to jai----Giles hasn't been under a rock in England!" Red scowled, "He happens to be really busy with---important people--things--important things…That aren' t anyone's business, unless--unless the people--thing-- things are ready to be everyone's business."

"No," Giles said firmly and looked at Willow.

"Oh, okay. Well, no matter what I'm glad you're here," Willow said, "You always seem to know when we get desperate and need your help really bad. I should've called you, or maybe I just should've known that you'd come or maybe I just should --"

"Answer my question," Connor completed, "Who is this guy showing up with Wes and why does he have any kind of power to take Faith anywhere let alone some jail? If anyone wants to do that they are going through me."

"Connor, you weren't there. I killed someone. It's complicated. I'd do it again but--" Faith began.

"No, it's not!" Connor said, "You were protecting yourself, and you're right I wasn't there. I should've been there. It's my fault."

"Connor--, "Faith began but she was too weak to do any of her glaring or shouting so he talked over her.

"So, Willow knows this guy and they do their bullshit magic together or something, but if this guy even tries to take you somewhere I'll do everything in my power to--"

"Connor, is it?" Giles asked, "Well, Connor, since you seem so concerned with power let me tell you I have virtually none in this situation, and you may have more of your share of it, but let me assure that Willow has more than you can imagine, and if I were you, I would talk to her with more respect."

"Oh no," Willow said, "It's not about me, Giles. He just doesn't like magic. I think maybe it's good that I'm around people who really aren't into magic since…Do you really think I'm that powerful? Do you think I could be? Without messing it up, I mean?"

"I have all confidence in you that you have the fortitude it takes to exercise the life-time of control that it---"

"As much as I'm enjoying the Daddy-Dumbledore/daughter moment with the two of you maybe you can do it later and tell me what it is that you are doing here," it took all Faith's energy to talk over Giles, " Because as much as I dig ya, G-Man, I know when I see you it can't be good news."

"Well, it was good news," Willow said, "It was great. Nobody could get Spike off you, not Angel, not me, and he was sucking the life out of you and you looked even worse than you do now. And then Giles and Wes swooped in like Batman and Robin, except English and they didn't really swoop so much as drive up and run out and Wesley said this thing about cups and birthdays that made no sense and it turned out that was the release trigger and Spike stopped biting you."

"Well," Giles actually smirked, "It was really Wesley here who figured out the release trigger I just-- "

"Release trigger? Care to jump in and explain, Night-wing?" Faith asked Wes.

Wesley had been there this whole time with his mouth clamped shut and his eyes fixed on Faith, with a look that could only be described as sorrow. She was ignoring him, because she hated it. It was the same look he gave her when The Beast beat the shit out of her. It was like he knew she couldn't hack it. She was still here, wasn't she? She supposed that was thanks to his stubbly slightly bruised mug, yet again.

"Yeah, Wes and this other English guy just happened to show up right at the last minute and know how to control Spike," Connor said glibly.

"You have no idea how deep this goes, and what danger we all could be in if someone doesn't look at the big picture," Wes breathed and then his mouth clamped shut again.

"Yeah, that's what you said about bringing out Angelus, and I'm sure that's what you said about me, and look how that all worked out," Connor's bony ass stepped over to Wes.

"Angel is still here and so are you, if things had been up to you neither of those things would be true," Wes said.

"Okay!" Faith bellowed now and in made her head hurt, goddamn it.

"Everyone shut the fuck up! The testosterone fest is now over. Please check for your dicks and put them back in your pants before exiting the area. God, you'd think with Spike sleeping off his latest death brush the dick swings with the other boys would be in hiatus. I forget what a good Scrappy you can be to his Scooby, kid. So, where is he? I need to see him."

The room grew heavy with silence, and Faith knew it wasn't due to the dick joke, even though she made it in front of two uptight Brits. Wes, uptight Brit number one, as far as Faith was concerned, was the only one that could look Faith in the face right now.

"Oh fuck, Wes," Faith said quietly, "Why couldn't you just let him take all my blood? You knew that's what I wanted."

"Faith!" Kennedy objected, "That's insane. You already saved him once---"

"I'm not talking to you, K. I'm talking to My Watcher," Faith said and turned back to Wes, "So, that bitch killed him. I want the full story on her, Wes, everything, and who helped her get so far."

"What would you do if I gave it to you?" he asked with those set eyes, "Go down the line and kill them all yourself?"

"What would you do?" Faith asked, and she had to look away.

She remembered other fixed Brit baby blues on her like that. The English must have a patent on the mad misery stare. Faith felt her own eyes want to water up; she had to make them stop. It wasn't a good time for that.

"Spike's not dead, Faith," Wesley said even more quietly, "Your theory about your blood being able to reverse the process of Walsh killing him was correct."

"Do you just live to fuck with me or what?" Faith laughed and felt her head buzz with weakness again, "So, where is he? I gotta see him."

"Alright," Wes said, "But there's something you should know. Even though your blood saved Spike from Walsh's destruction his mental state has slipped."

"Slipped?" Faith said, "It didn't really have far to fall from what I saw. Well, we can't expect my blood to fix everything. You and your little Waif Fred and all your trillion dollar equipment can fix whatever shit that evil scientist bitch did to him."

"That's the thing, Faith," Kennedy said now as she looked at Faith, "Whatever that chick did to him, it was a mystical neuron-chemical combo or something. It's like nothing they've ever seen before, not even Willow."

"I could reverse the behavioral stuff," Willow said," The people here at Angel's science department could reverse the neurological stuff if they could get to it, but…"

"It's the magic," Connor grumbled with folded arms as he glared out the window, "It's protecting whatever they did to his brain, so no one can get to it and it's making him get worse."

"It's too powerful; not even I can get through it," Willow said.

"This all sounds really well rehearsed, guys," Faith said, "Is this the part where I'm supposed to break down and cry, and you're all gonna tell me I did my best, but there's nothing we can do? Well, fuck that. So, he's crazy, like he hasn't done that before. I wanna see him."

This made everyone go all quiet, as if they hadn't worked this out when they role-played yet and no one had a snappy come back. God, she missed Spike; he would have just told her that he had "gone round the bend for good and there was no sense in spilling salt over it."

"No!" Connor said.

"No?" Faith demanded with a laugh as she untied the restraints that held her to the bed.

Damn, she really wished she could rip through them. It was times like this she missed her Slayer powers. Sure, she missed the fast healing and having them in life threatening situations would be a plus. But Faith had been banged up and in danger long before she knew she was a Slayer, and even when she was there was always pain.

"You're really starting to piss me off, kid," Faith said, "In fact, all of you are. You all have these skills. Skills you can't lose because you were born into having big important mommies and daddies that made sure you got all smart on their money one way or another, but you're all still interested in telling me what to do and I don't have shit."

"Faith, just wait, okay," Kennedy said, "I don't think you get the situation here."

"Oh, you don't think the coffee bar girl, gets it, princess? I think I know more about the business of saving people than you ever could," Faith said.

Faith finally managed to undo the restraints that no one was helping with and she got up out of the hospital bed.

"Hey!" Willow said, "She's just trying to tell you that--I've seen Spike crazy, and I've seen Spike crazy, but this--this is--"

"Something I'm going to deal with because you all can't, as usual. I really wish B had warned me what it was like to deal with all of you before she hopped that dimension," Faith said.

"Faith, stop," Connor said, "You're attached to things."

"No, you're just too attached to me, that's the problem. Wes and Giles are the only ones that get it. They know how to step back and let a girl do what she has to do, no matter what, but then they get an earful from you guys and think I can't hack it," Faith said.

"No," Connor said.

"I don't want to hear that word from you concerning my life anymore," Faith said.

Faith went to walk away and felt a painful pull in her arm and face.

"I mean. You're attached to things," Connor said and gently pulled some tubes out of her nose.

He took the IV gently out of her arm, but he had to look away when he did it.

"Some vampire's kid," Faith smirked, "You can't even look at a little pin prick."

"Now you can go and see the truth for yourself," he said stiffly.

She couldn't remember him talking to her so coldly ever before. She supposed she was being really bitchy, but she wasn't good at acting out the "poor little me" role they all wanted from her now. That's what B wanted from her back in the day, and she just couldn't do it. It was Wesley that followed Faith down the hall followed by Giles. She saw herself in the reflection of some frame of "New Guidelines" for the W&H lab. They had put her in a hospital gown and those green medical pants and she was as white as a lily ass…again. At least she liked her hair better now. She pushed it back out of her face and grinned at Giles.

"I guess you're here in case coma girl flips out again and decides to go back to the dark side…" Faith chuckled and put on her best Brit accent," 'What will our little Faith decide? She has no Slayer power, and yet, she just killed a person again and shows little remorse. I think I'll ask for more grant money to extend my observation of her, so when I go back to my cubby-hole I'll know I did the right thing, and besides I could use a break from English food.'"

Wesley turned and looked at Faith as she spoke to Giles, but said nothing. He took the lead and she followed along with Giles.

"You were never my responsibility, Faith. I have my responsibilities, and people I love in my cubby-hole and it has a lot more going on than bad food. If you are worried about your choices that's your business," Giles said.

"Then, what the fuck are you doing here?" Faith said.

What, no telling her he didn't sound anything like her English accent? Faith turned away from Giles and concentrated following Wes down the hall again. She felt dizzy. She was sure the W&H staff that walked by was whispering about her, but they all practically fell over themselves to get out of Wes's way. Wes had some real power now. They reminded Faith of squirrels in a street and Wes was an oncoming truck with his set, pissed-off stubble face; Faith and Giles were just trailers in the back.

"I came here because I had it on good authority that you and Spike were in danger," Giles said.

"Well, hey," Faith said, "You and your good authority were right. Maybe you could have--I don't know---called us or something. You have been zero help since B left."

"I know," he said, "That's why I had to do what I could now. You're not the only one that's going to be affected by Spike's condition."

Faith looked into the rooms as she stomped by them. She was relieved to see that there weren't all suits here. She saw Wes's waif, Fred, working away with her little clipboard and some more people with her. This seemed to be some kind of a hospital or something. There were some kids in beds and a pretty blond chick that looked like there was nothing wrong with her, but there probably was. Of course, Angel would take in every person in the free world with a supernatural illness, and that Fred-girl would probably make them all better. Faith wondered what it was like to have a big brain like that. She didn't, she could only do what she knew.

"You think you have to tell me that I'm not the only one that's gonna feel Spike taking all his sick days?" Faith demanded, "I imagine he'll be out on disability from his job for a while. You know his job? Where he fights the mission? I don't know what you think he does, G-man, but he's more than a cold body that can get hot to close a Hellmouth or save a soul. He's as fast with his head as he is with his fists. I've been out there with him in Sunny D every night, you know. Well, we took one break when we first hooked-up. Then we broke up, but I wasn't going to let that effect anything. The mission goes on, accept then the bitch kidnapped him and did this. But we'll get around it. It's what we do. We don' t stop."

"Well" Giles said, "Maybe you should stop for a moment. I meant that there are others that are going to be upset by Spike's condition besides you and you should be sensitive to that."

"Upset? I don't have time to be upset. I gotta move on to what the next thing is. I can't take vacations in London," Faith snorted.

"Did you ever stop to think that it's your constant moving that has gotten you where you are?" Giles yelled and got in front of Wes, "Both of you! Sometimes you have to stop. Rest your head. So you can go on properly."

Wes didn't have a come-back to that, just the stony glare. That might work well in England, but Faith wanted to add to it.

"Is that why you're here? To act all superior and tell us we fucked up?" Faith asked, "Well, we 've been doing that without you for a while, G. So you can just go on back to England."

Giles seemed to have no snappy come-back for that other than the English glaring thing and walking away. Wes was punching in a code at the steel grey door. Faith watched him. 1-8-8-0-1-7, were the numbers he hit. Even before prison, Faith had paid close attention to people's number codes. They had always come in handy. She knew her mother's pin number and always memorized her boyfriend's phone numbers when she was a kid. Faith was so relieved to be with just Wes now. She just wanted Wes with his steel eyes. She wanted Spike's eyes too, even if they were the blank crazy ones. Wes led them into a small room with a window that looked out into another room. She almost felt like she was visiting a prison; accept the room they were looking into was large and white.

"So, Spike's bad, real bad. How long will it take until he gets better?" Faith asked.

"He may have moments where he's at peace," Wes said, "But Walsh locked him into a catatonic state to control him, but he was much more willful than her other subjects, much stronger."

"Well, yeah," Faith said as she followed Wes into the grey room, "So how long until he fights his way out? The First Evil and his soul did a number on him for a few weeks, so whatever the college cunt did couldn't take any longer than that, right?"

Wes just looked at Faith.

"Sorry, I guess there words I don't even use that often, but she is a cunt, or she was. I guess the Watcher in you isn't too happy I killed her either, or that I don't care," Faith said, "But we're past bullshitting each other, Wes. The truth is it's not that I don't care that I killed some chick, but I 'd do it all over again, that was the only way to stop her that my small brain could see."

"Funny," Wes sighed, "I'd have killed her because she went after someone I loved for her own depraved reasons.

Faith had no witty remark for that. It kind of made her stomach pitch with fear. Wes took out a small cell-phone and said:

"I need you to bring him out now, if possible."

Faith didn't really listen to what the garbled voice that came back said. She was almost glad when Wes walked away for privacy.

"You must have wanted me dead, back in the day," was what she finally did say when Wes came back with his stone face again.

"Honestly," Wes laughed a little, "I don't even remember. I don't think I did. You hadn't hurt anyone I loved--just me. I didn't realize back then how much better that is."

"It is better," Faith said quickly, "Much better. You know, I wanted you to hurt me back then. I wanted to make you do it because that was the only thing I could make you do. Okay, that came out way more like a line from some bad 80s sex flick than I wanted. Can we forget I said that?"

"We can forget the whole era," Wes said, "Not the eighties, although that might be a wonderful idea too, I meant we--

"Spike!" Faith exclaimed.

She hadn't meant to. She wasn't stupid. Faith knew where Wes was bringing her and who she was going to see behind glass. She didn't need hand-holding when she visited her senile Grandmother in the hospital when she was 13, and she didn't need it now. But she'd forgotten how different people looked when they were in hospitals. He looked thinner and smaller and that bullet wound on his head was still healing up. She forgot how the bitch shaved his head, so it was easy to see the scabby round hole there. His head looked like a deserted beach. The brown stubble on Spike' s head had grown in much more than the slight stubble on his face. Still Faith could see his face from here and he hated stubble; he said it itched.

His mouth moved, but Faith couldn't hear what he was saying. The glass was thick much thicker than prison. Faith felt her face ache from smiling. He looked okay. His face had the usual seventeen expressions going on at once thing. Thank God! She hated that blank look thing. He smiled even though his eyes looked like they saw a puppy dying. He was pacing and talking and smiling and talking and sneering and talking. He pretty much would be A-okay if there was just someone else in the room he was talking to. Faith could fix that.

"Jesus, Wes!" Faith said, "You had me prepared for 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' here. He isn't that bad."

"You can't hear what he's saying," Wes said.

"What could he be saying that's so bad?" Faith asked, "Nobody-understands-Me poetry from high school?"

"Well, in a way…"

"He did tell me that he had some," Faith laughed in amazing relief, "I wanted him to read it to me and he told me he might, if the world was ending and he was drunk enough. So, I told him that meant I could expect it any day. Instead we're here."

"It seems like he's arguing with someone, for a change," Faith said as her eyes followed Spike as he paced in a circle, "Not reciting poems. I guess arguing is an art form with him."

What she didn't say was that Spike looked like he was arguing with someone he cared about in a big way. He wasn't really pissed, he was just trying to act pissed. He'd try to push himself into yelling but just kind of sank into bitching.

"You can hear what he's saying if you like," Wes said, "Just push that button by the speaker there, though it will just be one side of a conversation."

Faith pushed the button.

"You may do whatever you like," Spike said in his old Watcher sounding accent, "The world is changing, Caroline."

"Caroline seems to be--"Wes began.

"His sister," Faith said, "His little sister. She died when she was young. TB he said. That's the lung thing, right?"

"Yes, that explains a lot," Wes said, "He doesn't seem to be what anyone expected in his past. Not even Wolfram and Hart has accurate records on him. I suppose the only people who know the real history are those who've lived it. It's quite fascinating."

"Not to me. I don't get it, why did Walsh make him want to think his sister was talking to him?" Faith asked Wes as she heard Spike talk on quietly.

She was kind of interested in what he said to his sister in 18-whatever, but she was way more interested in getting his head out of 18-whatever. If Faith wanted to know exactly what happened with Spike and his sister, or Sid Vicious, or The Pope she could ask him, or at least she used to be able to. Now all Faith could do was ask Wes stuff.

"Wouldn't Walsh hypnotize him to believe his crazy ex was telling him what an evil piece of shit he is or something?"

"No," Wesley said, "She was far cleverer. She programmed him to relive certain memories of his life, powerful ones. So it never occurs to him that something is off. Then, he eventually gets so drained from the memories he would fall back into a controllable state for her and 'The Initiative' or 'Operation Freedom from demons' or whatever it was they called themselves."

"You got a hold of Walsh's papers and shit?" Faith asked.

"I was working with her and her group undercover. That's how I knew the release trigger to get Spike to stop biting you," Wes said.

"Damn, look at you, Wes. All double 'O seven!" Faith laughed, " Next time try to bust in before they dig in Spike's head..."

"I want you to know that even though I can't change this situation the one thing I am sure of is that even if he took all your blood and killed you he would still be in the state he's in now…and you did save his life, if you can call what he's doing living," Wes said.

"Cheer-up, Wes," Faith said, "He'll get through it. Like I said the First Evil couldn't drive him nuts so I doubt a college girl could do any permanent damage. Eventually, he'll wake up, like I did all those times. All the bitch did was put him in a really life like coma."

"No, Faith," Wes said, "You don't understand. She's making him relive his memories to exhaust him, so he goes back into--into the quiet, and the hallucinations are bound with magic. It can't be broken through."

"You learned a lot with this undercover gig. I don't get it. Who did the magic? Shelley Walsh wasn't a magic chick. She practically wanted to burn Willow at the stake for being all about the magic and the science," Faith said to Wes, "She probably couldn't stand that the stuff had to be mixed in with her science."

"We think it might have been be Alistair Crowley," Wesley said.

''Robin's Grandfather? No!" Faith said, "He was creepy, but he cares about Robin, and besides he was the one that took the Shadow Demon out of me so Spike didn't have to die to heal me. Not that he knew he was saving Spike but…"

"Yes," Wes said in a way that told Faith he thought this all through already, "But that left you with no power, and since the retraction of the Slayer spell that would mean that there would be no new Slayer called until your death. You don't know the man; he usually has an ulterior motive."

"I know him pretty good. He went digging around in my head pretty deep to get the Shadow demon out," Faith folded her arms, "He may be a sleaze disguised with English class, but the old man would never hurt Robin, and that means he wouldn't hurt me."

"Yes, but Crowley and Robin Wood may not have known the full scope of Walsh's plan. Robin Wood was interested in controlling Spike to protect you. He and Crowley still thought Spike was a danger to you. I know Robin's first motive was to protect you when we captured Spike."

"Whoa, rewind that a second, Wes. Robin captured Spike, and you didn't bother giving me a call?"

"I know Robin didn't nor does he want to hurt you. He just thought that Spike was a danger and he wanted to do what he could to stop that danger," Wes said.

"Yeah, that sounds like Robin," Faith said, "lots of brains, lots of heart, lots of courage with no sense. He couldn't realize how nuts someone like Shelley Walsh could get. He just saw some little chip fixing everything. So, you couldn't stop him? He didn't kick your ass, did he? Don't feel bad, he's really cut."

"No!" Wes sighed, "I knew the remains of the Counsel and some other powerful groups were conspiring on something big and capturing Spike was part of it. I had to follow along as long as I possibly could, so I went with Robin to capture Spike. So when ---"

"Wait," Faith actually put her hand over her mouth to stop a laugh, then her hand balled into a fist "You are not telling me you fucking stood by and let that fucking bitch do this to him just to find out more shit about her. After all the shit that you and I have been through you are not telling me you let that fucking bitch torture him until all this was left?"

"I had no idea what Shelley Walsh was planning for him, or how delusional and powerful she was. It was my understanding that she was a simple government scientist that was going to put a chip in Spike's head that we could easily have removed at Wolfram--"

Wes was interrupted by Faith grabbing his Abercrombie and Fitch shirt. She wanted to slam him up against the glass, but all she managed to do was walk him back into it.

"You thought that bitch was just a stupid little girl; I'll bet you're so glad that's all I am now," Faith said.

"No, not at all," Wes said very seriously.

He said it so seriously Faith had to laugh. She wished he'd fight back. He didn't even bother. He just looked at her with that stony Brit face.

"Well, you fucking should be," she yelled at him and instantly wished it hadn't come out so shrill.

"No, I'd like nothing more than for you to have your Slayer power back. The right side needs all the help it can get at the moment," he answered calmly.

"Well, yeah, with you crossing the line to the other side I can see why," Faith said.

"I wasn't the only one that crossed that line, Faith," Wes said, "I had to do something about Spike. When you were apart he traveled to Boston and he kill--"

"NO!" Spike yelled and Faith stood up and went to the glass.

"I don't care what you say! You're special, Caroline. You've always been special. You don't think anyone knows or sees, but I always have. No! You always talk of listening to your dreams. Well, since you've given up I'm listening to them. I went to the shop and I saw that woman and I got this and you WILL take it. I'm the man of this house and you will do as I say!" Spike yelled and his voice broke.

"Fuck!" Faith grumbled after she went for the heavy door that led into Spike' s big empty room of course it was locked, and of course she remembered the code Wes used for the other door.

Faith pushed 1-8-8-0-1-7 into the door and it worked. Of course, Wes got his knickers twisted that she was able to open the door. She knew Wes was talking, but didn't bother to listen. Faith obviously knew Wes and all of Wolfram and Hart didn't think Spike was safe, but she never experienced full on crying Spike. She didn't like it. She had to stop it.

"Well, well, well," Faith said her voice skipped across the room sounding confident.

"Listen to the crying little piggy," Faith said, "You want to be the man in the house act like it. Wake-up."

"Take it, Caroline," he begged with cracked red eyes, "It's probably a bunch of poppycock, but just do it, for me. There's nothing to lose. It's just childish wishes, silly magic, right?"

He reached out and touched Faith's cheek. After all they did to him his hands still felt the same. She wanted to put some black nail polish on them and call it a day. Faith closed her eyes and opened them again and held Spike's hand.

"When this is all over," she told him, "I'm gonna make fun of you so bad for the tight-ass accent you got rid of. You'll never be able to call Angel a sell-out for losing his accent again."

"Faith," Wesley said, "Come away from him, slowly. There's no telling what memory you'll trigger in him, and the release trigger only works if he bites---"

"Fuck you," Faith said to Wes, "Why should I trust you?"

"Never said you should, love," Spike smiled and jerked his head to the side.

Then he was smiling in demon face.

"You made that mistake on your own, and you've been dragging, Slayer, haven't you?"

"Spike listen to me," Faith said, "This isn't who you are anymore. You save lives. You've helped."

"Don't do that," Spike said going back into human face, "Don't rationalize this into some noble act. We both know the truth of it, Buffy. You like men who hurt you."

"There's my boy," Faith smiled, "or not really. B was the first person to believe in you. Me, one little Wes beating and I kick you to the curb, like everyone shouldn't be allowed to beat on Wes once. You just keep thinking of B and how she'd want you to get through this."

Faith glared at Wes. He was slowly inching toward them. Faith would like to see him try to take her out of here. She wouldn't go. She wouldn't leave Spike here with people poking and prodding and thinking he was "fascinating."

"I don't give a toss about anything I said before I really got to know you. I've never believed in anyone more," Spike said.

"That's right," Faith said, "B believed in you. No matter what. We all should have followed her lead as usual."

"Faith," Wes seemed to almost plead, "He doesn't know what you're saying and anything you do say can trigger--"

"Why do you keep bloody talking about that bitch?" Spike growled, "You don't think I'm the big bad anymore because of the truce? Is that it? Well, you're wrong. I'm as bad as I ever was, baby. You want to know what I would do to that bitch now. You want to feel it? Is that what all this fuss is about?"

Spike smiled and tilted his head. This was a look he'd given Faith before, but there was an edge to it, like there was in his voice, an angry edge.

"I'll show you," Spike said turning into demon face again, "I'll make you feel it. Feel how big and bad I am in ways you never have before."

"I really don't think I like where this is heading," Wes said.

He took a swing at Spike that had absolutely no effect. Spike hit him down like he was an annoying gnat and only look confused for a second as to why something had flown into his head. Like Faith couldn't tell Wes that was going to happen, for all his smarts he could really be a moron.

"You thought you could leave me," Spike said, "You thought that I would just let you go. You didn't think about what it would bloody do to me, or did you?"

"You didn't give me a--"Faith began as Spike approached her.

Then, Faith could only see the ceiling of the big white room as something harsh and familiar was around her throat--a strangling hand. Faith felt fear over take her as she couldn't breathe. She always knew this was how she would die--helpless and in pain. What else had she expected? You're either the strangler or you're the strangled, right? It was that simple, and she had fucked it up.

"Tut, tut, tut, poodle," Spike said coolly as she chocked for breath, "I don't want to hear another noise out of you for the rest of the night. Unless it's screaming in pleasure and/or pain. You've lost faith in me, and maybe that's my fault. Tonight I'll be the one to show you just how dark and deep my love goes."

Accept it wasn't that simple at all, at least not when it was Spike. He always held both sides to him. Faith may have been a strangler too but she was also an expert at being strangled. She picked up her bare feet and braced them against Spike's body so he was no longer hanging her. She could breathe as she rested her feet on his hipbones. She also could feel his hips weren't the only things that were bone hard.

"It seems I got a little leverage in this situation," she gasped and laughed, "I don 't need to see what a motherfucker you were back in the day. I already know, and seeing it won't impress me."

He smiled at her and let go of her throat and caught her around her waist and kissed her. It was all very rough and fast before she had time to take a breath his tongue was down her throat like he was some asshole bar guy. He had her up against the wall. She was suddenly really grateful for the scrub pants somebody put her in when she was unconscious, as the thin cotton was all that was between her and something from Spike she was actually not in the mood for. Faith wasn't known to be picky, but she had changed a little. Now she wanted a guy to at least know it was her he was with and he should act like he had a soul.

"Spike, let me--"she pulled away from him as much as she could.

Oddly, Faith wondered who had put the scrub pants on her as well as who had put the hospital clothes on Spike when they were both out of it. It must have been Fred or someone like her here. It was cool to know there were people in the world like that. Faith then found herself thinking of the Fred girl's skinny little body and how it could break in a situation like this. Luckily, Faith was used to handling herself without power in situations like this.

"I said no talking," Spike said as he clamped her hand over her mouth, "Every time you talk, you get the hot poker pushed into your lovely white skin."

"Let me go, baby," she said as gently as she could even though the pressure he was putting on her was killing her as well as her throat.

She wanted to curse and bitch at him for being such a kinked-up freak, but a soft voice would probably trigger more memories of B, right? She could do that. The girlie dramatic love talk thing.

"I'd give anything to be with you, lover," Faith said in the softest voice she could make, "But not now. It's not time for us now, but one day the time for the two of us to be together will come."

With that, Spike let go of Faith and even backed a way an inch with that pained expression. Faith noticed Wes getting up from Spike's punch.

"That's something that B would say," Faith whispered to Wes, "I think I got this down. I think I can--"

Faith was interrupted by a crack to her face. She felt a stinging pain to her nose and her mouth. Spike had bitch slapped her--hard. Hard like her mother used to. He was standing there looking like she had slapped him.

"You bitch," he said, "A man can only take so much pushing away before he pushes back, you know. After all I've done for you. Haven't I given you everything you've ever desired? I've made you a Princess, or at least I've killed kingdoms for you, what more do you want?"

"You fucking son of a bitch!" Faith said.

"Oh baby, don't cry," Spike's gasped suddenly his whole face changing, "I didn't mean… It's just that…"

Faith couldn't help it. She did have a few tears for a second. It really hurt, or at least it had been a total shock. Faith would have reacted better to a punch. Still, she was able to painfully swallow and get over it. Kind of.

"So, I'm not B, and I can't even fake it, but I never asked for anything," she told him.

"It's just that," he said softly and then his face went back to anger, "I know what it is you want, Dru."

Dru? His crazy vampire mom? How could Faith sound anything like her? Faith knew Spike hadn't been bitch slapping or talking to Faith in his mind, but she still couldn't help herself with talking back.

"You're daddy," Spike said gently, "You want your sodding daddy. Well, he's not coming back, baby. Not ever. I know you know that, and I know that's why you've been pushing me away as of late."

"What makes me angry," Spike snarled now as he grabbed Faith's arms, "Is that you seem to act as if I left too. Angelus was nothing but an old poofer whose time had passed. I'm your daddy now, and I'm far better at it. I'll prove to you I've surpassed him."

Faith struggled to get away from Spike as he laid her on the ground and held her there far too easily.

"You're gonna have to do better than that," someone said and hit Spike away.

"Angel," Faith smiled.

"You think you can fool me?" Spike got up and smiled with all of his attention focused on Angel, "There's something off about you and I'm going to figure out what it is."

"I don't know why everyone is so worried about you. You seem normal to me. Yammering on. So convinced you know what's going on and you have no clue," Angel said as he exchanged blows with Spike, "God, a soul, being made into a cyborg, a mystically guarded psychotic state-- nothing can change you from being the pain in the ass you are. "

"You've lost your passion for the fight, haven't you?" Spike snickered.

"No Willy, I haven't. Not yet," Angel said to Spike as he grabbed him by the arms and pinned him to the wall, "My best people say there's no hope for you in this, but they also say I'm the only one you always recognize no matter what. I know every little dirty memory you're reliving better than you do."

"You and you're artistry!" Spike grunted as he threw Angel off of him, "Nothing but pretty little maids all in a row is what it is. It's no wonder the girls have strayed; it's your fault. How many times can you be impressed by tortured nuns? I'm right sick of it and I haven't had to sit through your dog and pony show half as long as the girls."

"And I won't let you piss me off with these memories Spike; do you hear me? You won't get to me; I 'll get to you first. I'll get you out of this; I don't care how long it takes," Angel said as he got a hold of Spike again and held on to his face forcing Spike to look at him.

"You never last as long as me," Spike smiled, "You're still decent with a plan though, so I suppose you have your uses. But tonight she finally made it clear she wants me...more than you anyway. We're forever. You're just the one that brought her to me."

Faith really thought that Angel was going to pound Spike in the face, but instead he let him go and lifted Faith off the floor by her arm.

"Get out of here now," he said firmly to her.

"No!" Spike pleaded all of a sudden, "Stop. Don't hurt her. How could you---She didn't know. She doesn't realize. Angelus, please!"

"Spike it's okay," was all Faith could think of saying.

He looked so afraid.

"Out, Faith, now!" Angel growled at her, "I am not asking."

"All right! All right, you win," Spike said dropping to his knees, "Just don't hurt her anymore."

"Wes, c'mon," Faith said as she grabbed the still injured man and led him to the little glass room.

Wes closed the door behind them. Faith heard Angel say something to Spike through the speaker, something about how he used to like him on his knees. Faith opened the door again just to crack her head out.

"Angel," Faith whispered, "Say stuff to piss him off, it's better than him being all depressed."

"I'm on it," Angel said as Spike suddenly charged him roaring.

Faith shut the door and felt sorry for Angel. It must be rough having someone throw back memories of you when you weren't yourself.

"Just be thankful that you're you Wes," Faith said to him as she didn't bother to look away from Angel and Spike fighting, "because if anyone else did this to Spike--"

"Spike brought this on himself," Wes said, "They wanted to capture and control Spike and I wouldn't allow it, and then I saw that he was in Boston. He killed a man horribly and I thought he was out--"

"…Out of control," Faith finished, " and you if there was one thing you could never stand it was people out of control, right Wes? You don't have to tell me who it was he killed. Fucking John. The guy that had such a tight hold on me when I was a kid, you stupid Watchers couldn't find me. Tell me Spike deserves this for killing John, anymore than I'd deserve it for telling him John was out there?"

Wes didn't answer. Faith knew he wouldn't. He wasn't Spike. He didn't like answering a question he didn't have a good planned-out answer for.

"This isn't good," he said and Faith knew he wasn't answering her as he looked out the glass window.

Spike had somehow got a hold of Angel and he was beating the shit out of him.

"Make me swim 100 miles to shore, will you?" Spike demanded, "Did you really think I wasn't going to find you and get my payback? Even if it took some thirty odd years? Look at you. You're a bloody mess. You stink of rat blood. Have you been living on the street? Is that a Barry Manilow cassette?"

Spike was laughing now, but Angel was totally getting the shit kicked out of him.

"Angel!" Faith said as she ran to the door.

"Faith, no!" Wes said as he grabbed her, "He can handle himself."

All Faith could do was watched as Spike loomed over Angel menacingly. Then a flash came and tackled Spike.

"Connor," Angel and Faith said at the same time.

"Well, look at you," Spike smiled at Connor, "You have a pretty face for such a skinny little thing."

"Shucks, bro, I never thought you'd notice," Connor said, "That's not all I got."

He kicked Spike in the face.

"You nasty little bitch," Spike laughed, "Angelus must not have hurt you the way you liked tonight."

"Connor," Angel said, "Get out of here. He can hurt you. He's really dangerous."

"I know how he fights better than you do now," Connor said, "and I came prepared."

"Give me all you got, you disease ridden whore," Spike scowled and grabbed Connor by the back of the head and threw him down.

Faith pushed Wes away from her and was trying to open the door again.

"Connor, this has nothing to do with now. The only one who can handle this is me, and I'll do it if it kills us both. Now go!" Angel yelled as he went after Spike and got thrown down too.

Connor sprung up, and ducked Spike's hit. He kind of was doing better than Angel. Angel seemed really desperate about the whole thing.

"You seriously need to sleep this one off," Connor said to Spike, "You've got Dad all wound up, more than usual and not in the fun way we like."

"You're cute," Spike smiled at him, "but you don't fool me. I know there's a demon under there."

Connor seemed to lose his sense of humor for a second, and Spike was able to tackle him.

"No!" Faith panicked when she saw that Spike was going to bite Connor.

She had to get out there. Wes was holding her back.

"Get the fuck off of me! Get off!" she screamed at him as she was sure Connor was going to get bit.

"Get the hell away from her!" Connor demanded as he came in through the other door.

He pushed Wes away from Faith.

"Connor! Don't. He was just trying to protect me from…I thought Spike--It looked like--I was trying to stop--" was what came out of Faith's mouth.

"I'm okay," he smiled, "I gave him a little sleepy time tea. Something I asked Fred and the guys to cook up."

He held out a needle to Faith. She looked at the needle and frowned.

"There's no magic in it," he said quickly as his smile disappeared, "It won't hurt him. I just think that might be what he'd want. I mean I know if I was him…It's one thing to have all your crap memories taken away without anyone asking you about it. But I know I would not want to be living them over again in some tripped out new kind of lie. Plus, he's kind of been whaling on Angel for a whole day. I don't know how much more dad can take. Not to mention Spike."

Faith bit her lip as she watched a totally trashed and worn-out looking Angel pick up Spike, and take him out of the big stone room. As messed up as he looked, Angel could still pick up Spike, like a nine year old that got into the wine at his Mom's Christmas party, and take him away. Faith didn't know where, but she was sure it was somewhere safe for him as well as everyone else.

"Faith, I promise," Connor said as he caught her eye, "The stuff I gave him won't hurt him. I just didn't want you to see how messed up he was, or how it was messing with Dad."

"Angel will choose to walk away from this, once the evidence it's doing no good is conclusive," Wes said stonily.

"Um, I thought you knew my Dad," Connor said casually.

"Angel has learned to listen to reason," Wes said, "and hopefully you can follow his lead, and not be consumed with solving something that can't be solved."

"Reason's got shit to do with this," Faith grumbled.

"It's the goddamned magic. It's making it impossible to get to Spike," Connor said.

"Then that's what we'll use to get to him," Faith said.

She took a hold of Connor's hand that had the needle in it and smiled. Faith walked back out into the W&H hospital hall to see that nothing had really changed. It was still busy with work, and people still seemed to stare at her. They still made way for Wes. Were these people just gonna all act the same? Was Wes? Didn't they all realize the bottom fell out? But no, it hadn't. There was still something.

"No," Connor said, "I know you don't want me to say that to you anymore but no. No way, I was there when you did that Orpheus trip with Angel and there's no way--"

"It simply wouldn't work," Wes said, "Spike is already in an altered state and the Orpheus would have no affect on him."

"Don't be so fast to call Spike a lost cause, Wes," Faith said coolly, "I know how much you hate loose cannons, but just think if we get him back, you can use him again in one of your master plans for the greater good."

"Oh you mean one of those plans of his that always seem to involve you in a coma somewhere," Connor said.

"Connor, Wes and I have been through a lot together and you don't understand---"Faith began.

"Neither of you understand," Wes said sharply, "and you never have. This wasn't personal, Faith. Nothing I ever did involving any of you was personal. It's all about what's best for the world--not for us. This didn't happen because of anything between you or me, or Spike, Faith. I'm not Robin Wood."

That was it. Faith had it.

"Don't you fucking dare compare yourself to a man like Robin Wood! You don't have the right and you don 't have his history with Spike," Faith yelled.

Everyone on the floor seemed to be gaping at her, as if no one dare talked to Wesley Wyndam-Pryce like this before. They should have all seen him when he first got into this business.

"Faith, I'm trying to tell you this wasn't personal," he said.

"And I AM telling you it is," she said, "and speaking of history ours has been officially wiped clean. I don't owe you anything anymore, Wes. Not for anything I ever did to you or for anything anyone else did to you on my behalf, or for anything you ever did for me. Now get the fuck out of my face, boss!"

"Fine," Wes said, "But at least let me warn you. I've already looked at this from all mystical and scientific possibilities and the magic is just too powerful. I am sorry."

Wes turned and left and disappeared into all the ritzy shitzy wide windows and oak floors of W&H. Faith turned and stomped back to the hospital wing where she came from. Wasn't that where sick little powerless damsels were supposed to go? Soon she'd have to find out where crazy shaved headed vampires went around here. But not yet. She didn't feel like looking at any of the people that were staring at her, even Connor. She just needed to get where she was going.

"Does Wes ever actually, ya know, help a situation?" Connor grumbled, "Sometimes I don't know why Angel didn't give him the trick or treat bag of fake memories and send him away instead of me."

"Yeah. Sure. He helps a lot. He just did. He told us the truth, and your dad sent you away because he loves you, not because you're a screw up," Faith said.

"Wes told us we're screwed," Connor said, "I used to tell them they were screwed all the time too, and yet they never gave me the idea that I was being helpful."

"No," Faith said, "Wes never tells you you're screwed. He just looks at every possibility he has, and what he knows. He told us the magic was too powerful. He said before it was probably done by a bad ass warlock. So, we need to get someone more powerful--not something," Faith said,

"Kennedy didn't leave all pissed off at me and take Willow with her did she?"

"No," Connor said, "I think that they're both still here talking to that other English guy that you don't like. Who is that anyway, Wes's Dad?"

"Don't ever leave me, kid, even when I treat you like shit, okay?" Faith laughed, " Giles ain't Wes's Dad. Thank god, and whatever gave you the idea I didn't like him?"

"You yelled at him and said he was a loser that didn't help at all," Connor said as he followed Faith back into the hospital room.

Faith felt Kennedy's eyes on her the minute she walked in. Kennedy was someone she always looked in the eye. It wasn't easy, Kennedy wasn't exactly soft on people who treated her like shit. She had a cat-like glare with those cat-shaped eyes. Luckily, she had mood swings like a cat too, and her eyes would get softer if she knew you were at your limit.

"Faith does that to everyone when she's mad, it's her thing," Kennedy said, "I would've thought she was brain damaged if she acted any other way."

"You know it," Faith smiled.

Faith's body felt a little less heavy when she saw that Willow and Giles were still there in the room waiting too. The scrubbed-clean whiteness of the room made her sick, and the sterile alcohol smell wasn't helping either. Hospitals were always too clean, and Faith never trusted that. They were trying to hide the death. Willow and Giles were talking in the corner quietly. They barely acknowledged that Faith had come back.

"What's with them?" Faith asked Kennedy as she gestured to Willow and Giles, "Lemme guess, they're mad at me. They don't know if I can hack it."

"Not everything is about you, bitch," Kennedy smirked, "You know how my girl is. She never lets an opportunity go by to worry, and with Giles here it 's a fret-fest. I think they're mostly talking about Dawn and how she's dealing-- or not-- without the great Buffy. I swear, by the time I was half that girl's age, I would have flown my sister to another dimension so I'd never have to see her again."

"Well, B wasn't your sister," Faith said.

"And for that I cry," Kennedy said dryly, "How I dream to be codependent on someone who's off somewhere else."

She said it with a cute eye roll as she settled gracefully on the stiff sheets of the white bed.

"Isn't that you and Red already?" Faith joked as she sat next to her friend.

Kennedy folded her arms, and then slowly smiled at Faith.

"Good one," she said and put her arm around Faith, "and speaking of less than perfect relationships; you went and saw your crazy ex. That's never a good idea. I wanted to come; I would have seen the Spike show a second time. But you know how I get when I've already seen something, and you haven't. I talk through it and piss you off. Besides, you seem like you like to fly solo with your bad Spike ideas."

"True," Faith said, "but this time I have one I need your help with."

"Okay," Faith called over to Red and Giles so they would hear, "I have an announcement to make. The bitch is back and I need your help to save Spike. I need magic, ideas, power, all you've got, and if anyone has a problem with that they can walk."

"And don't you go anywhere on me," Faith said, turning to Connor, "I'll need you. You heard Spike, he likes your face. I just seem to bring out the worst in him. Maybe you're actually prettier than me."

"No," Connor said, "But thanks for not letting that pass by. I think the reason he gets so crazy around you is because he wants so badly to be with you here in reality and not just stuck in his past, in lies. No matter what they do to you, somewhere in your mind you always know the truth, but it takes someone or something to remind you of it."

"Yeah, you're right," Faith said.

"Besides, I think he thinks I'm my mom most of the time, either that or some guy he wanted to make out with or turn. You'd think I'd prefer one of those over the other, but no, they're both kind of equally disturbing."

"That is an excellent observation," Giles said, "I mean the way you could decipher what may have been going on with Spike's perceptions. Perhaps there is some kind of hope in understanding what's going on in his mind."

"No, understanding won't do shit," Faith told them, "You can understand why you do the shit you do perfectly. Everyone knows that people kill because mom never loved them, or whatever, but unless you get in their head and change it, make them see, nothing will really change."

"You would know that better than I would," Giles said.

"No, you have a really good point about stopping and taking time to think and be in our heads," Faith said, "You must think I'm exactly the same. I bet B never would have let this happen, if only she were here she could help Spike, get him out of this"

"Oh, well," Willow said abruptly, "That's a really good point. Isn't that a really good point, Giles? If Buffy were here she'd want to help. She'd want to know, even if it would upset her."

Giles looked at Willow and took his glasses off and looked down and sighed. Then he put his glasses back on and sighed. Faith wondered what he was working up to, if he was going to tell her that there was no hope to save Spike, she'd just tell him they'd have to think of something. He'd do it for B's sake.

"Faith, there's---" Giles began.

"No," Connor said, "Spike may have loved Buffy, but that's in his past. He loves you now and even if there was some magical way to get Buffy here now, it would just be going back to his past."

"That's sweet, kid," Faith said, "But you never got a chance to know B. You never saw how sweet Spike was on her. He got a soul for her. He'll always have a huge thing for B."

"Maybe," Connor said, "I know what it's like to always have feelings for someone or something in your past, that you really loved, even if--- but I also know what keeps you going is what you have now and your future. You're what keeps everything going, you're the future…for Spike."

"Some future," Faith sighed, "I'm the one doing the same shit over and over again. Trusting the wrong people, turning into a bitch 'cause shit's not going my way, killing and not giving a shit. I want to care that I killed that bitch. I want to think what I did was wrong, but do you know what I mostly think about?"

"If only there was a way to use her body parts that could bring Spike back to normal that didn't involve black magic?" Willow asked, "Sorry, just a guess. There isn't, by the way."

"And here I was gonna say I think about how I'm glad her mother is dead already so I don 't have to think about how I killed someone's kid," Faith said.

"Oh, yeah, that is screwed up," Willow smiled.

"Giles, you're right to come back here and be pissed at me. Maybe I'm not evil, but I 'm still fucking up in all the same ways, at least Wes is finding new ways to fuck up," Faith said.

"People make mistakes, Wesley's made his share, but I hope you won't make the mistake of never trusting him again," Giles said.

"I'll keep that in mind, G. It was good seeing you, despite the total lack of laughs. Now I think I have another old past mistake to revisit with a new twist. I think I have an idea. I need to go into Spike's head with magic, pure magic, if possible."

"Oh my god!" Willow gasped loudly, "That's so simple. I can't believe I didn't think of that. I mean, it's simple in a brilliant way."

"But I really want to keep this plan on the down low, okay, Red," Faith said quietly, "I mean, with all the shit that's going on around here and all the stress, the fewer people who know the better."

"I completely agree," Giles said strongly, "It would be a mistake to tell anyone who didn't need to be involved. Especially if they had an emotional stake in the whole thing. It would put too much pressure on the situation. We don't need any others involved; people already have enough on their minds."

"Hi," Angel came in the room, looking beaten and haggard.

Everyone was silent for a little too long.

"Is everyone okay?" he asked, "I know things have been better, much better, and I want to let you know that I'm really one hundred percent against everything that happened with Spike, and I had no idea what Wes was doing."

"Angel," Faith said, "Of course! You don't have to tell me that."

"I should have been more aware of what was going on here. I should have known Wes's decision making was off, ever since he killed Knox for trying to turn Fred into an evil Goddess."

"Yeah," Connor smiled, "You really should have seen the whole evil Goddess thing coming, and how that was going to lead to the government trying to control Spike."

"I know," Angel sighed, "It's not like I haven't been through that before. I just got a little too wrapped up in the whole tsunami thing in Asia. We stopped all but the one."

"Angel, Connor was kidding," Faith said, "No one blames you for this, and it looks like Wes had a lot on his mind too. Mr. Nothing-Personal. He has it bad for that Fred girl, huh? No wonder I never got anywhere with him as my Watcher. He likes the Kate Moss Brainy thing."

"Yes, one of our workers who we trusted was going to have some--thing--take over her body," Angel shuddered failing to notice the joke, "I would never ever want anyone I know or care about, under any kind of mind control what so ever, especially you Connor. You know that, right? You know that all the memories I gave you, the life, it wasn't to control you. It was to make you happy. Are you happy, Connor?"

"He's been like this, ever since he looked into the plans that girl you killed had for me," Connor rolled his eyes to Faith.

"I'm over-joyed, dad," Connor answered Angel, and Angel seemed to smile for a second. "But I have to say I'm totally shocked at the scene that got played out with you and Spike earlier."

"I know," Angel sighed, "Spike seems to be able to beat me. I think it's an added effect of the psychosis or something."

"Not that," Connor folded his arms, "That whole thing with the seventies."

"Yeah," Angel closed his eyes for a second, "I ran into Spike when I had a soul a few times over the years when he was evil and I never tried to kill him--not really. I should have. It was just that---"

"Not that!" Connor scoffed, "Dude, you had a Barry Manilow tape. I mean, living in the gutter was one thing, but am I the only one that's shocked?"

"I was gradually exposed to your dad's love affair with Barry, so I had time to adjust," Faith winked.

Good. Angel could smile with Connor. Wes understood where he and Faith stood. Kennedy wasn't pissed and Willow would help her get into Spike's head. Faith had temporary relief, she needed it for what lay ahead.

"I just really think she needs to know the possibilities of what's ahead," Willow whispered as she went for the big elevator.

"Then tell her, I'm not stopping you," Giles said, as he held his glasses with his pinky, and held the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb.

"So, you don't want to be the one to tell her then?" Willow said as she got into the elevator with the coffees.

"I'm not going to bother answering that."

"She's a superhero, Giles. She's not made of glass," Willow said, "After all of the trauma she's experienced, she keeps fighting and caring. You know what I think? I think she gets all distant, because she cares so much. She just tries so hard. She knows she's hurt the people she loves before, and she'll do anything to make sure that doesn't happen again, even if it means totally staying away. God, I wish she didn't go to such extremes, you know?"

"Yes, and bringing her into an extreme situation is going to help that how?" Giles asked with his really annoyed-but-trying-not-to-be- face.

"Well, she doesn't want to hurt people she loves, but someone she loves is hurt now. Maybe she never stood on a mountain top and said she loved Spike, but as much as we may not like it, I know she does and she'd want to do all she could to help him."

Willow got off the elevator with Giles. She wished she could have a magic hospital like this. This was way cooler than the hotel that Angel had before. Maybe Willow could take over the old Initiative lab at the university, and tell her boss she was doing programming research or something.

"And what if she can't help him?" Giles demanded, "What if this simply brilliant plan of Faith' s doesn't work? Since we have no reason to believe it will. What good is dragging her in on every miserable detail and setting her up for a huge failure?"

"A huge failure!" Willow snapped as she walked down the hall.

Giles glared at her. She saw Kennedy pop her head out of Faith's hospital room. Oh foo, Willow was pretty sure Kennedy heard her. It was really cute how Kennedy seemed to be looking for Willow like Miss Kitty Fantastico used to. She paced by the door of the room that she thought of as her territory. Kennedy and Miss Kitty both felt secure when they had their territory down. Willow realized her girlfriend felt out of place with all that was happening, and she didn't want to add to that. Willow didn't want to think about what had happened to Miss Kitty when she felt out of place…

"A huge failure," Willow whispered, "How can you say that, Giles? Nothing that 's happened has been her fault."

"I couldn't agree more," Giles said, "Did you ever think, the reason she becomes so taxed is because we make her feel like everything is her responsibility? That's what I did to her before and I won't do it again."

"Giles, that wasn't your fault. Geez, if only people who take fault and responsibility actually were responsible for what's at fault the world would be, well, the world would be kind of the same because when something's your fault it's already too late, isn't it?"

Willow was thinking too much, and that never helped.

"No, it's not too late. One can still make things right or try," Giles said.

"Aha," Willow said, "But that's what she would want to do about Spike, if she knew!"

Except when thinking too much did help.

"She has chosen to be distant from all of you, because she's afraid of failing you. I don't see how she can possibly help with this situation, and I don't want her to think that she has failed again. Things have gotten very complicated and strange, even considering what she's been through in the past. There's no way she could prepare for…for…

"I know," Willow sighed and for a second she felt as tired as poor Giles looked, "She's afraid Dawn is growing up with out her and she doesn't want to mess up Dawn 's life--or Xander's--and make it all about her coming back when she wasn't suppose to…again. Giles, what are we---"

"I was actually referring to the whole Spike and Faith situation, since nothing can be done about the one you mentioned," Giles said.

"Oh," Willow actually felt a little lighter. She had been thinking about this a lot, "You mean Spike and Faith hooking up? You know she knows about that, and she took it really well. Well, she didn't take it so bad. I mean, she wasn't surprised. She was kind of upset when she called Spike and Faith picked up the phone and did some phone sex thing not knowing it was Buffy on the other end of course. Honestly, I think that really made Buffy shy of coming back here. I should have a talk with Faith. I was able to get through to her about not killing people, so maybe I can help with her being so… I mean, why does Faith have to be so--"

"Willow," Giles sighed and his glasses were off again. He probably didn't want to hear about Faith's infamous phone sex voice that bothered Buffy, "Oddly enough that wasn't the Spike situation I was referring to since we are now at a mystical hospital where Spike is in a rubber room."

"Oh, You mean this Spike and Faith situation. Where Faith killed the girl who drove Spike to eternal insanity; and that person was Dr. Walsh's daughter, avenging her mother's death , " Willow said in one breath.

"Yes, that would be the one," Giles said plainly.

"Yeah, this is pretty bad, isn't it? It's just these things usually end up working out okay. Most of the time. Like you know, Faith's idea that I can get her into Spike's head with magic. It's a simple enough spell. The hard part is getting it to work with the two of them."

Willow felt herself swallow and she was glad when she looked up she saw Giles's steady blue eyes. All she had to do was look at him and know he understood the pressure she was under all along even though she hadn't.

"Is Spike really in a rubber room? Buffy wouldn't like that. We should do something. Well, I guess it's not that simple. It's not like we can have him move into Xander's place. He's beyond Hellmouth crazy. Shelley Walsh really did a number on him. I can't believe she had someone put a magical lock on his brain I can't break. Maybe I'm not so great Giles. Maybe I peaked at almost destroying the world."

Willow really wished Giles would say something now. She looked at his blue button down chest as she felt her own going in and out…in and out…If Willow concentrated really hard (or in the wrong way) she could feel Giles heart beat. She could know how his heart had been broken so many times. She could think about how she almost broke it literally. The poor bastard …No!

"Willow," was all Giles said as he grabbed her arm and that seemed to steady her, "I know if anyone can initiate a rescue mission from magic and science gone arye it's you."

"I just wish Buffy was here, Giles," Willow pleaded.

"You can do this, Willow," Giles said, "There's no reason to concern Buffy."

"Where's Kennedy?" Willow asked almost rhetorically as they reached Faith's hospital room.

She knew Kennedy had to be right around here. She would never leave, that thought made it possible for her to smile at Giles. Willow looked in Faith's room and saw that she was sleeping, and Angel's son was with her. Good. When Faith finally did sleep she had a tendency to crash for a while and Willow could rest too. It wasn't that Willow minded Faith's constant do or die Xena energy. Who didn't like Xena? But Willow never understood why Kennedy was so totally obsessed with the show. Kennedy just wanted to sit there and do nothing else as long as it was on, and it was usually on in marathons. If it was on once a week, that would have been fine, but a marathon held way too much "look at me" butchy-cheesy drama for Willow's taste, and Xena wasn't even really straight-out gay

…And Yeah, Willow knew this wasn't really about Xena. This wasn't about Xena at all. Willow felt bad, she really did like Faith. She realized after the other night that Faith actually thought about stuff (In fact, Faith seemed to think about a lot of stuff Willow didn't want to think about), and it was kind of nifty how she did cool things now, without any powers. She was glad Faith and Kennedy were friends. Of course, it didn't make things easy. Willow simply could not tell Kennedy that Buffy was back in this dimension. The information would just go straight to Faith, and Faith would get all weird. Not to mention how weird Kennedy could get with Buffy. Willow felt bad about hiding stuff from her girlfriend, but she had to do what Buffy asked. It was the least she could do after all Buffy had been through. Still, would Buffy want to be kept a secret if she knew how stuff really was around here?

"I know I don't need Buffy," Willow sighed as she looked only at Giles, "But, honestly, how is all this sneaking around and secrecy having a good effect on anyone? I don't know about you Giles, but I'm having a little case of the guiltys."

"I knew it!" Kennedy popped up out of nowhere.

"Oh God! Kennedy," Willow said.

She really did remind Willow of Miss Kitty, how she liked to stalk and jump out at you from nowhere.

This was bad, but Willow knew Buffy would understand. It wasn't like it was Willow's fault her girlfriend happened to over hear. After this, Willow vowed, she would stop keeping secrets from her girlfriend and stop vowing to her friends to keep secrets. "I told Faith she was being paranoid, but I really knew she was right. You two aren't very good at being all secretive," Kennedy said.

"Kennedy, you can't say anything to Faith or anyone," Willow demanded, "That's why I didn't tell you about it because you're friends with Faith and I didn't want you to have to keep a secret from her, but you have to, and you will."

"Whatever you say, my goddess," Kennedy said, "You know that, but you should also know that Faith isn' t exactly an idiot. She already knows."

"Faith knows about Buffy," Giles gasped.

"Faith knows that you guys are worried about whether she's serving the mission right and whether she's too hell-bent on saving Spike. What's this about Buffy?" Kennedy said with crossed arms, "I know you loved her, Red. But she's gone. Faith is our Slayer now, and I think she's doing a damn good job. Sure, Buffy would have done stuff differently. There would have been a lot more speeches and a lot less dancing and probably the same amount of sleeping with vamps with souls. I never thought I'd get behind that idea, but I'm not against it, not after what I've seen Spike do for Faith. I know you probably think this magic idea of Faith's is nuts. I know Giles probably thinks Faith is way too emotional to do some kind of spell with you to save Spike. I know you're probably nervous about your part in it and that you might get too emotional too. But you have to understand, Will, emotion may be your downfall with magic, but it's also why you can be so powerful. Strong emotion is what can keep us all together here, not what tears us apart. And of course, I 'll help you with your magic as always, I'll anchor you. All you have to do is trust me, open up."

"Well, okay, then," Willow smiled with relief, "Thank you, honey. I will open up to you and trust you, with Faith and Spike and this spell. I know that you'll help me be the best Wicca Will I can be. But you know me and Giles; we always have to think about everything."

"Over-think is more like it," Kennedy winked, and kissed Willow lightly. Then she left Willow and Giles alone.

Kennedy really was everything Willow needed at this point in her life. She never really made Willow feel bad about anything. And the direct thing wasn't so bad either, especially when Kennedy told Willow how great she was with that very directness.

"She's great, isn't she?" Willow said to Giles.

"Yes, I am glad to see that you have moved on. It's wonderful. What might be seen as less wonderful is that obviously Spike has moved on, and I even think Angel is dating, not to mention the origins of his son. People have a right to their choices, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about Buffy's emotional reaction."

"Hey, I'm the best friend. I'm the one that's supposed to think of that stuff," Willow reminded.

"And have you? Have you thought about how losing over a year's time, and seeing the two men she's loved move into precarious fates, can affect Buffy? She could always take on anything, but when the people she cares about leave her behind she…" Giles's voice trailed off.

"No one has left Buffy behind, Giles. Least of all you with the hiding her in your country and all. Dawn and Xander miss her more everyday and--"

"I know they do," Giles said, "and she knows they do, but she also knows when she is feeling the way she is now she can do them more harm than good."

"Look, I know when things like this have happened before she hasn't exactly--"

"She suffered a severe depression and questioned her will to live, and it caused her to make bad choices she'll never forgive herself for; and you're right she is a super hero and she doesn't deserve to feel that way again--not ever," Giles concluded.

He could be one with the directness too and when he was Willow knew he really really meant it.

"I really mean it, " Faith said to Angel's son as they walked into Faith's hospital room.

Willow really liked how this whole place was so sparkly and clean. Giles kept warning her that Wolfram and Hart was evil, and that Angel was being "foolish." But, Willow thought that Fred had really turned this whole hospital/lab into something great.

"If you ask me one more time if I'm sure about this I will find a way to kill you," Faith continued to Angel's son.

Willow frowned as Faith's jocular threat bounced around the room and seemed to break the sparkly whiteness of it. Faith's rough voice and waxy skin didn't fit the mood that Willow wanted for this spell, the mood that she had to be in. She noticed that Faith did smile a little as she brushed her dark hair with the dulled toffee colored streaks out of her face. Willow knew that Faith really liked Angel's son, and she wasn't going to kill him no matter what--at least that was what Willow hoped. She wished Faith was more stable for this spell. She wished she was.

"You can't kill me if you found a way to kill yourself first. This spell is too dangerous for you, Faith," Angel's son said, "Let me go instead. I have more power than you now."

Willow felt her eyes bounce between Angel son and Faith, like she was at some crazy tennis match that was taking place inside where it shouldn't be. Willow thought how weird it was that a skinny blue eyed kid could do something with his face that could make him look just like Angel for a second. His eyes had that determined yet pleading thing of Angel's. Angel's son was kind of hard to figure out. Sometimes Willow thought he was just around to kiss Faith's butt, but then he'd challenge her on something like this, and then maybe even throw in a joke when you thought he was Mr. Serious. That was kind of like Angel used to be. Accept Connor was more attractive, well, not really. Willow knew a lot of girls would think that she was crazy to think that, but he was more attractive to Willow, in that gentle androgynous way. He had told Willow that she had so much as said that to him, but some all-powerful memory spell wiped her mind out. She couldn't stop thinking about how someone could do a memory spell on her she couldn't at least sense. A really powerful witch shouldn't be able to not at least know something was suspicious, and yet, Willow got nothing. Maybe she wasn't so powerful. Maybe she had just been fooling herself, and she was just a loser that got lucky with and then addicted to magic. Oh! Why did Giles leave? She shouldn't have let him go. Of course, Giles had to get back to Buffy in England or she would get worried.

"Willow already explained to you that won't work. She can only send a person into Spike's mind that's connected to him," Faith grumbled to Angel's son.

Willow snapped back into the conversation the minute she heard her name. She had said something wouldn't work? Oh yeah. She told Faith that she wasn't sure if this going-into-Spike's-mind-spell was going to work at all. Willow knew the only reason she was able to go into Buffy 's mind years ago was because of how close they were, and because she was Willow--a powerful Wicca, or so she thought then. Now, sending Faith into Spike's mind seemed like some hacked long shot. She really wished Buffy was here. How was it that she ended up responsible for Spike's sanity?

"I'm more connected to Spike than you know," Connor said, and for some reason he looked all Angel-broody about that.

"I knew he wasn't coming on to you just because he was crazy," Faith grinned like the Cheshire cat, " but I know him, and even if he drove a stick every once in a great while, it was never really his ride of choice. Trust me. He was into me. We couldn't a' been more connected"

EW! Why was it the only thing that could make Faith smile like that was some sick, totally inappropriate joke? That so was not what Angel's son meant. He meant he was connected to Spike in some tortured vampire way, right?

"You know what I meant," Connor said to Faith, "Not everything is about sex and true love, Faith. Spike and I are connected by blood, and other ways no one wants to talk about. Well, I am talking about them now! You aren't a Slayer anymore. You have no demon in you. I do and I have Angel's blood in me, just like Spike. The demon in me, or whatever it is, might be the only thing that can get us out of this."

Go Angel's son! It was about time someone told Faith not everything was about sex and that she wasn't as cool as she thought she was, and not everything was going to go how she wanted. Not that stuff seemed to go how Faith wanted most of the…ever, but Willow didn't want to hear her bitching when this spell failed. And Thank God certain things didn't go the way Faith had wanted because Willow would be long cut up and dead. Why was Willow thinking like this?

"You're just pissed because you know you can't help me and you know shit might go down bad in Spike's head," Faith chuckled as the setting sun was coming in orange through the window's making her look healthier all of a sudden.

"That's why I can forgive you for forgetting that you have anything on me in the demon department, or for thinking that I'm some dumb chick that needs to be lectured on how sex and love can't save anyone or anything. I am a murderer," Faith started to laugh when she said "love" but she had totally stopped by the time she got to " murderer."

"You're not, not like me," Faith said plainly to Connor, "That connects me an' Spike more than I ever want you to know. I know you're a bad ass, kid. You wouldn't have stuck it out this long with me if you weren't and I know I wouldn't have stuck it out with you. But that has shit to do with what you were born into and everything to do with who you are, and don't you ever forget that. I get all that shit you're saying about blood and power, I really do. My blood saved Spike. It's in him now, and I' m hoping that's---"

"Yeah, it is, because he bit you. He fed off you," Connor sneered, "I know you made him do it, and I'm not taking this personally, you are! You're still weak, Faith. He almost drained you dry and you're--you're just human now. I'm strong; I can do this."

Faith just stood there for a second and Willow wanted to interject and say something about how she wasn't even sure the spell would work at all. She winced as she saw Faith step closer to Connor. Faith was probably going to belt him one, and Willow knew to stay out of it. She was glad that Kennedy had left to call her father. She wouldn't have stayed out of it. There was no point in gettin involoved. There would probably be a lot of cursing and yelling and gnashing and brooding. Willow just wanted to slip into her Volkswagen and drive back to Sunnydale. She wanted to get back to Dawn and Xander. She knew that Kennedy would follow her and urge her to try some type of magic to help. Kennedy would just keep telling Willow that she could do it, and that she was the one that could save the day. Then, Willow knew she would have to only come back and try something. But what? She had tried every spell she could think of to unlock Spike's mind: A rejuvenation spell, spells with mind stones and orbs, one really interesting one that involved an actual cat's eye, but nothing got through the block that Shelley Walsh had put on, or had someone put on. It was clear that girl knew nothing about magic. Then again neither did Faith, and the idea of doing a spell to go into Spike's head had been hers, and that was the only thing that seemed to had any chance of working.

"You've turned into one cocky mother fucker," Faith said, "That' s probably from hanging out with us. My blood is in that man. It saved his life when nothing else could. It has power. Good power, despite the weak bitch I am out here. That's gotta mean something; It's gotta mean something in his head which is where I'm going. You of all people know how the rules are different with magic. What you don't know is how to get a man out of his demon's head. I'm guessing you gotta work on your own head a little longer. This is my department, baby. I need you here, in your own Ivy League head and your ass-kicking body to run it."

Well, Willow was one-fourth right, there was cursing , but there wasn't exactly hitting. Faith put her hand on Connor's cheek that was orange with the setting sun burning through the window. And, Angel's son didn't brood exactly. But wow, was his face doing a classic Angel thing. His eyes shimmered with this kind of restrained pleading. Willow had a crazy thought--a longing--to see Buffy and Angel together again like that was what would make everything okay.

"It's a lie!" Angel's son said, "My 'Ivy League' head. The only reason I'm smart like that--- Angel had all that shit given to me. Handed to me through magic, just like you said when you were mad. I thought you knew, Faith. I thought you realized. My family, all the people who thought they ever loved me, if they knew--- They think I'm the best. I'm not. I'm the worst; it's just magic who that makes me who I am. Under that I'm nothing. I'm some kind of a--I don't know---So, let me at least fight where I can. It's the only thing I can do."

Willow hadn't realized she had been holding her breath as Angel's son was talking until she felt a small firm grasp at her hand. Kennedy was back. Then Willow let out her breath suddenly and unexpectedly like a deflating balloon. Kennedy's eyes looked into Willow's with almost an unfitting happiness that made Willow smile anyway.

"Okay, let me get this straight. You're still tripping out about your own mind-fuck spell, and you expect me to believe you can be a part of Spike's?" Faith said to Angel's son, "I know you can't believe that magic has anything to do with how good or smart you are. I was handed power and I was handed being someone else once upon a time too, and you know what I did with it all? I pissed it all away. It ain't what people give you, kid. It's what you got and how you use it. Now I'm going to use what I've got, which is my blood, my sweat, some tears, and a huge mouth that knows how to rile Spike out of stuff."

"What am I supposed to do?" Angel's son demanded, "Just sit here? I have to be able to do something. I can do all these things, and you want me to just sit here and waste my power because you don't think I can handle the magic."

"Geez," Faith said, "Maybe you are stupid. That's not it at all. I think you can handle anything the world throws at you for better or for worse. And there's a shit load for you to do. You gotta be here so I can do what I gotta do, and that doesn't mean just holding my hand."

"I can just hold your hand," he said softly now, "For the spell part anyway. I did it before when you were with Angel. You don't remember but…"

Willow felt herself not breathing again. Yeah, she didn't remember Connor either, thanks to that spell, and now there was a magic lock on Spike's brain Willow couldn't get through. The only way she could do it was to send Faith in. That was something that Faith had thought of not Willow. So much for the great Willow Rosenberg. Faith and Angel's son were here arguing about who got to go into Spike's mind. They just assumed the spell would work, that Willow would be able to do it, that it was all so easy.

"Don't worry, baby," Willow felt a soft wind in her ear. It was almost like it was in her head. Kennedy was whispering so softly in her ear, there was no way the others could here it.

"I know you can do it, and if you can't that's okay."

…and if you can't that's okay…No! That couldn't be true. It wasn't. It never was.

"Um," Willow said much more shakily than she meant to.

"All that sweat and blood and stuff is good, but you also have to have your mind," Willow said strongly to Faith now, "You have to have your mind centered and cleared while were doing the incantation or else it won't work for sure."

"Blank mind," Faith said, "Got it. Not that hard for me to do."

"Well, no," Willow tried to explain, "Not just blank, but you know, centered. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think I can grasp a big word like centered, Red," Faith grinned, "I meditated in prison and training. I've gotten down with the shakras and gotten Zen and shit."

"Oh, um, good," Willow said, "Part of the incantation is actually an ancient Zen sutra that distills all five levels of your physical existence on this plane. Of course, I'm also going to have to invoke some gods, well spirits really for the lucid astral projection. Sineya is the guiding force that will lead you to Spike's shattered charkas, but you're going to have to bind with him yourself on the crown level. The pentagram is only going to hold your kundalini energy not fuse it. You'll have to project your kundalini energy to Spike yourself, and then return to the physical plane."

"Huh?" Faith's mouth hung open at Willow.

"She means she can only make it possible for you to get into Spike's head, but it's up to you to get your ass there. If you don't make it, it's your bad--not my girl's," Kennedy said.

"Oh, yeah sure whatever," Faith smiled, "I'm all centered and good to go. Don' t worry about me."

"It might not be that easy," Willow sighed.

"Something could go wrong," Angel's son echoed to Faith.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Faith grumbled, "I know the risks. Now let's roll the dice already."

Willow had already had Kennedy paint a pentagram on the very clean hospital room floor. For some reason Willow couldn't bare to do it herself. Maybe it was because she didn't want to mess up a clean hospital floor with messy magic. No, it was because she knew what was in it and it wasn't the icky brownness of the mashed up Tibetan root. She wasn't even grossed out by the fact that Spike and Faith 's blood was in the mix. They could get it easily enough being that they were at Angel's Wolfram and Hart hospital. It was the unknown that wigged Willow. Willow had asked Faith to get some sweat of hers and of Spike's. (Willow did not want to go near a crazy awake Spike if she didn't have to. The last time he had talked to her like that it hadn't gone well. He thought Willow had done something evil, or he thought he saw her evil.) Faith then reminded Willow that vampires didn't sweat. Willow was forced to say that tears would do, and Faith didn't argue. She came back with a small vile of liquid and said that it was her "shit" and his already mixed together. Willow couldn't stop wondering if Faith had cried into a bottle or what she did to get Spike to do that.

Luckily tears were clear, and the pentagram Kennedy had painted had dried to the color of Yak entrails with the white hospital floor still shining through. Willow smiled as she saw Kennedy look to the pentagram and back to Willow for approval.

"Nice pentagram painting, sweetie," Willow said as she touched Kennedy's soft cheek.

Kennedy beamed her straight white teeth shined through her coffee and cream skin.

"Well, you know," she said, "I dated that hard-core metal chick in high school. I got used to seeing pentagrams everywhere."

"You must have been good at geometry too, with the straightness," Willow said.

"Yeah, the only place I have the straightnness," Kennedy said, "Who ever knew it would be useful, let alone helping my goddess save lives."

"I don't know if this is going to save Spike at all let alone work," Willow felt her face tug into a frown.

"No worries, Red," Kennedy said, "No matter what happens you'll be doing all you can to spring Faith's boy toy out of the magic booby hatch. What more can you do?"

"There isn't anything else," Angel's son whispered like it was only for him to hear.

He looked at the pentagram like he was looking at the grave of someone he knew.

"Right," Faith chirped in her whiskey voice enthusiastically, "We're screwed. It's zero hour. Now let's get it started."

She jumped in the middle of the pentagram and folded herself up into Indian-style-sitting in one motion.

"Um, okay," Willow said, "Just repeat after me: Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung. "

"Shamu de bang kwang bull um gang," Faith said and then laughed, "This sounds dirty or like something out of a 'kid rock' song."

"That's not it," Willow said, "Faith, you have to get serious to balance out the--- to get centered. It's: Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung."

"That's what I said: Shamu de bang kang bull um gang. Right? Who says a life-saving centered mind trip can't be any fun? Angel and I had some laughs. What does that Shamu thing mean anyway? Is it like the Carmengia chant that Spike told me about, are we breaking through Hell?"

"Spike knows a chant where Giles's car breaks through Hell?" Willow wondered and then sighed, "No, this is a different one. It strengthens your mind to go with the world's mystical energy."

"What does the world's energy have to do with me and Spike?" Faith asked.

"Well, everything is connected. All magic is just a manipulation of physics and…Oh, this isn't going to work. I don't know---"

"Sure it will," Kennedy said, "Faith just has to stop asking questions and do what you say."

"Right," Faith said, "I can do that. You're the boss, Willow. You want me to say: 'Shamu the bang gum ball', over and over, like a chant, right?"

"Right," Willow said and then, "Well no, wrong, but…Why don't we just start with this? 'Life to life, mind to mind our spirits will now intertwine. We mould our souls and journey to the one whose thoughts we wish we knew.'"

"How's that gonna work?" Faith's brow crinkled, "It sounds so basic. I could have made that up. Besides Spike isn't technically ali--"

"Faith!" Kennedy grumbled, "It will work because Willow says so. She's only the most powerful witch in the world. Now just shut-up and do it."

"Unless, you're having second thoughts." Angel's son said, "I could--"

"Life to life, mind to mind our spirits will now intertwine. We mould our souls and journey to the one whose thoughts we wish we knew," Faith said with a sigh, "This is the only way this is gonna work, is if it's me."

Willow frowned. This was never going to work, not if it was Faith. The person had to believe. What was Willow thinking? Why had she gotten everyone's hopes up?

"Baby, what now," Kennedy asked, calling Willow back to attention with her strong dark eyes.

"Spirit, spiritus. Aminus, heart, Sophus, mind, Presentia, power. May we enjoin to inhabit the destinatus vessel? The hand, daughter of Sineya, first of the ones. We implore the, let me enter the vessel. May two become one?"

Faith actually repeated that without butchering it, or at least not enough that Willow had to ask her to repeat it.

"Now," Willow sighed, "Say this: 'Namu' it's like Shamu only with an 'N'…"

Willow went through each word and thanked the goddesses it was a short incantation. When she was done she hadn't realized Faith actually had said it.

"Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung," Faith repeated the chant again as if she had really learned it.

"Right!" Willow smiled.

"Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung," Faith said again with her eyes fluttering shut.

"Yeah, that's it," Willow affirmed.

"Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung."

"Yeah, I guess you can keep saying it if it helps you get…"

Then there was a rumble and a glow in the pentagram.

"Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung. Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung. Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung," Faith repeated each time more quickly and then a male voice seemed to join her that was not her own.

Faith then flew up, with her head almost touching the white paneled ceiling, but stayed in her Indian-Style position.

"…centered," Willow finished.

"Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung. Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung. Namu de bang kwang bul hwa um gyung."

"Faith!" Angel's son yelled and raced toward the pentagram with inhuman speed.

"Rursus!" Willow bellowed, and with a hand sent the guy flying back, " Don't ever go into a pentagram during a spell! Are you insane? For someone who bitches about magic all the time you sure don't know anything about it."

Angel's son glowered at Willow as if she had just hit him. Well, she guessed she had, but it probably saved his life. She couldn't work with idiots panicking around her and messing everything up. Not that Angel's son was an idiot it was just that…

"If something happens to her while she's in one of my spells, it won't be my fault," Willow said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you, but I can't work with unexpectedness."

"That's all magic is!" Angel's son said, the glower on his face hadn't disappeared, "Did you even know what was going to happen? That her body would float up like that. What if it falls? I'll have to go into the pentagram to catch her."

"I don't think so," Kennedy said, "Didn't you hear what Willow said. No going into the pentagram. If Faith falls it's about a six foot drop. My grandmother could survive that. This is what Faith wanted."

"You did it, honey," Kennedy said embracing Willow tightly, "Not that I ever had any doubt."

Willow smiled. She did do it, and Kennedy was happy. Faith would be happy and Buffy could be happy now that Spike would be okay…She hoped.

"I did my part," Willow said, "Faith is the one that's going to have to talk Spike out of his craziness."

"What do you mean you did your part?" Angel's son demanded, "I bet you don't even know where she is. Is she in Spike's head or is she just floating around? You said that was all up to her, but what if something goes wrong with the spell? How is she going to get back?"

"Why don't you go through your Dad's little hospital here and get some valium?" Kennedy barked before Willow could say anything, "Didn't you hear what Willow said? Faith is guiding her own mind; Willow just made it possible for her to guide it more. Once the job is done she'll get herself back. She likes her body too much to be out of it for too long."

Willow gave Faith's body a long hard look. It was unnaturally lit from the bottom by a silver light, that didn't match the sunset's now dimming pink. Faith looked like she could be hanging there from the white paneled ceiling like a tacky Christmas decoration, except there was no wire. Willow never noticed but Faith was actually kind of small.

"What if she can't get the job done? What if Spike is too crazy? Then what will she want to do?" Angel's son asked with big eyes now.

"I know you're not saying that she would give up, that she would leave us. She's still a Slayer, Connor. She'll be back no matter what, and we'll deal with whatever else happens when it does," Kennedy said, "Now Willow and I could use a break. We're going to the cafeteria. Do you want something?"

"No," the guy folded his arms, "There was some kind of demon there with a big head drinking this fluid that was coming straight out of this other little demon with a big head. It kind of completely grossed me out and I can't eat there anymore."

He actually seemed to give them a lopsided grin for a second.

"I'll stand guard," he said seriously.

Willow felt herself smiling a tired smile as she grabbed Kennedy's hand.

"Look at the goddess, so impressed with herself that she pulled off another great spell again," Kennedy beamed.

"It's not that. It's you," Willow said, "What you said about Faith being a Slayer and coming back no matter what. It kind of gave me…faith."

"You're the one that gave Faith something. A way to get that obnoxious man-boy-vamp back. I think she'd be lost without him and he'd be lost without her. Like us," Kennedy said.

"You'd be lost without me?" Willow gasped.

"I know. My facade of over confidence can fool even the most powerful, but it's true. You don't look happy," Kennedy said lightly, but Willow saw her mouth twist.

"Oh no, it's not…I'm just really stressed about a million other things," Willow said quickly and she smiled again.

It didn't come as naturally this time.

"If one of the things that is stressing you is having to go to the nasty big-head demon cafeteria to eat, don't worry. That was just a line to feed the kid. I know they have to have some soft leather couches in Ethan Allen decor offices around here and I figured we could sneak into one and do it."

"Okay!" Willow smiled 100 percent naturally now as her and Kennedy walked hand in hand towards the Wolfram and Hart oak paneled elevators.

End of Chapter…of Course TBC… Thanks for waiting…Now more waiting…Feed-back good…


	11. Chapter 11

Title: More or Less – Orpheus Not Revisited I

Author: Strange Bint

Rating: M

Pairing: Spike/Faith, Spike/Dru

Summary: After The New Initiative and the old Watcher's messed with Spike's mind Faith goes into help—literally.

Notes: First part of an episode of a very long Spike/Faith & Connor centered series which you can start it began all the way back with a fic called "Forget Me Not"

(Magic, Spike's past, William, Post-Chosen, Alternate Reality Angel Season 5)

Hard wood—Faith knew that was what she was lying on. That had happened before. She didn't know where she was or how long she had crashed here. She felt a familiar fear fill up her body telling her she had to move, run, move. She stopped the fear at her cramped-up legs, that she could only half feel. She wasn't gonna let the fear go to her head. She already knew she had to keep running and moving. That was the way it always was and the way it always would be, but sometimes she just wanted to sleep, for like a week, or a month, or a year. She couldn't—ever. Not really. Faith could never really sleep for a second. When she did there was a price to pay.

She didn't know how long she had been out, or what drugs she had taken to be so sound asleep on a wooden floor. She just knew they had to be good drugs, and she knew that she would have to keep moving or else someone would find her. Faith knew she didn't want to be found, or no? It was something else this time. She had to find someone. That didn't sound right, but it felt right, not like the hard wooden floor that she could only half feel. It didn't feel crappy enough, not that it felt like a double bed at the Hilton, it just felt like her body wasn't really on it or something. Like when that bastard would stick it to her and she'd float away.

Man, whatever the drug was she had done—it was the shit! The wood also didn't smell like the rotten damp kind that she would usually pass out on. It didn't smell like anything. She could smell something, something like Fall and leather and some sort of flower…lilacs. For some reason that made her want to open her eyes but another part of her said "fuck that" and that side won. Where the hell was she? Faith stopped listening to the "fuck that" voice and made herself wake-up some more. What the…? She didn't do drugs anymore—not like this, not since the time that she helped…someone. What? She was cracking up for sure! Who does drugs to help someone? When had she ever…Angel! She hadn't done any hardcore drugs since she helped Angel with the Orpheus.

Faith felt an ache inside of her that felt worse with her numbness. She wanted Angel to come and help her, but she knew he couldn't. She knew she was forgetting something really bad…the something that Angel couldn't help her with. What could be so bad that Angel couldn't help her with it?

Oh God! Spike! Faith's eyes flew open. Walls. It was dark but she could still see the walls on either side of her. She suddenly had that familiar sucking-chest-wound-feeling. It was like she was bleeding all over and she just remembered she used to have a bandage but it got ripped away from her. How could she forget Spike even in her most coma-girl moments? Maybe because it was easier to remember that you had always been bleeding than remembering having a bandage ripped off you.

Spike liked to tell her she was smart all the time. Yeah, Faith knew she was a real brain. She couldn't even remember him when she was trying to save him. What kind of brain-damaged fuck was she? Brain damage! That's what they did to Spike. They fucked with his head the only way they could. They knew they couldn't play him, or if they could play him a little they knew Spike wouldn't follow their rules, so they went in a physically fucked with his head. Faith could almost spit with rage as she rose from the wooden floor in the dark hallway. She'd kill the fuckers that did this to Spike!

Wait, she had killed the people who did this to Spike already, at least the one that she could and should kill. Doing any more wouldn't do any good, and that was what Faith wanted after all. Well, that and blood vengeance, but she would gladly give it up to see Spike whole again.

All Faith could do was move towards the only light she saw. There was a rectangle with glowing edges—a door. Doors were probably cool. They could get you out of dark hallways. Faith didn't feel right even though nothing felt wrong. She told her feet to move and they did—heel, toe, heel, toe. But, somehow she still felt like she was floating. She heard the wood creak under her feet but she didn't quite feel it.

What the fuck was going on? Was she dead—a ghost? Was this door the big light at the end of the tunnel? Faith didn't want to reach for a doorknob even though she could see its outline there in the darkness. She couldn't be dead. Not now, not like this! She had to save Spike.

Faith had to save Spike from what they did to his head; otherwise he'd live forever all fucked up and crazy. All the usual people-- that were on her side had told her all the usual things. Wes told her there was no way this was going to work. Giles even made some weird surprise visit.

They said it was impossible to save Spike, but there was this long shot. There was always a long shot. And of course, the long shot was very dangerous. The long shot was always really dangerous and Faith was always ready to put herself on the chopping block. It was what she did, and in an instant she remembered it was what she was doing. Faith found herself wishing B was here again. She'd have helped make everyone see that you do anything to save these Champ vampires—kill, die, whatever.

Faith was saving Spike the only way she knew how. They said that Spike's head was broken and there was no way to fix it from the outside. So Faith had Willow put her in Spike's head. She was always a hands on kind of girl. Nothing like a little head trip have you a little confused though.

"Okay, ride's here," Faith said to the door, "Why aren't you waiting out front?"

"Why am I not surprised that it's all dark and empty in here?" Faith called, "This must be your reasoning center."

It looked like Faith was talking to only herself, but she knew she couldn't be alone. She was in Spike's head and he had to hear her. The little shit was probably going to jump out and say "boo'' with style, unlike the fucking psycho Angelus who just bitched and ran at her. Whatever. No matter what Faith was going to bust Spike out.

Spike was in the prison of his own mind. Faith had been a prisoner like that a few times and she'd prefer a triple sentence in a literal prison any day. Maybe she could break them out the way she did it with Wes—throw herself down to break his fall. She didn't have any Slayer powers anymore, but hey, who's to say what was possible?

Faith opened the door that was holding back the light. It was just a room. No glowing nugget of consciousness, or a bunch of cells, or a cartoon brain pulling some levers. No Spike, but there was one of those old time clocks with the fancy numbers and the ticking.

"Okay, I shoulda guessed your head was gonna be more metaphoric than Angel's. But, can you spare me the 'Alice in Wonderland' trip?" Faith said, "I crawled down the dark place and went through the door and now I see the clock. We just need a rabbit, but I'm no prissy little blond chick."

Faith heard a gasping cough and she turned to see a little blond chick, but she was past prissy to downright sickly. She was in bed and wearing one of those puffy little hats trimmed with lace. She had braids that looked like they were once done up all Laura Ingles style, but now they were falling away. She was a kid. Like Dawn or Amanda's age. Yeah, Faith never thought she'd see the day where someone Dawn's age looked like a kid to her, but here she was.

"I'm--" Faith began when she heard a soft voice over hers.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," he said all weepy, "I know this isn't what you want, but you know we must do this."

Faith felt herself licking her lips nervously. Leave it to him to show up all pathetic and dramatic looking and yet still totally surprise her. He had on a white shirt with buttons all down the front and even more buttons at the puffed out sleeves. The shirt wasn't the only thing that was puffed out his hair was doing some lame bouffant thing. He wasn't pulling off the Orlando Bloom look very well. Maybe the glasses didn't help. They looked like slivers of a bottle surrounded in wire that were trying to push his eyes closer together; only they didn't help his eyes still wondered everywhere. Everywhere but to Faith, that was what made Faith lick her lips again.

"Christ on a cracker!" Faith laughed, "What's with your clothes? Is this like your inner-geek? How you see yourself? Hate to tell you, but if this is how you see yourself you actually look about ten years older. You don't have that boyish sexy Lestat thing Connor has going. Luckily I like older guys."

"And you know very well I will not let you do anything," the sickly girl said.

Faith kind of totally forgot she was there once she saw Spike looking all geek Tom Sawyer-ish. Well, it was really funny. Faith also hadn't really seen the guy in what felt like forever and now sickly Alice chick was screwing it up. Alice chick shot up in the bed and she didn't sound prissy at all. She sounded like she was the one that was fucking with Spike's head.

"So, what?" Faith asked Spike, "Is she like the 'Resident Evil' little girl in your brain that's keeping you all crazied up? What do I have to do? Smash her face in?"

Faith ran up the evil Alice and found that her hand just went right through her like she wasn't there at all.

"Fuck, I should've known that's the same thing that would've happened if I tried to do it in 'Resident Evil'," Faith said quickly, "Shoulda learned this from Angel's head. I think I even told him the definition of insanity was trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This is different though, you're different than him. No one knows that better than me. You're more of an asshole, for one thing. I was expecting more of a you-yelling-at-me thing with maybe a punk bar backdrop with Pistol songs playing. Not little blond girls in charge. I take it back. Maybe you and Angel are the same."

Faith tried to catch Spike's eyes, which were behind glasses and floppy dirty blond bangs, but he only looked at the Alice chick. For some reason this made Faith want to hold her breath. Faith would love to think that with the younger face and the geek make over that this wasn't really Spike. It wasn't really all of him. It was just a part of him; a piece of his past, a ghost, like when she was in Angel's mind and Angelus was there. But, all Faith had to do was see his eyes and she knew she'd be bullshitting herself if she said this wasn't him right here in this moment—stuck in it.

"You think I'm a fool," Spike said.

"Spike, we can talk about what I'm thinking once your thinking is straight," Faith said as she released her breath painfully.

"Yes, I do," the Alice girl said sounding more like a bitchy old broad than however old she was.

The Alice-chick turned and looked right at Faith. For a second she did look like a little girl, a little Alice that was going to plead with Faith to help her find her way through the rabbit hole or whatever happened in that book. It filled Faith with dread. Who was this girl? Why was she in Spike's head? There was no way Faith could do shit to help her and she was going to have to deal with that. Then, it was like the little bitch read her mind and with knowing Faith couldn't do shit for her the girl's look turned to an icy pissed off glare that let Faith know just what a piece of shit she was.

"Molly," the girl said coolly with her long blond lose braids matted to her ashen face, "Tell my brother I am too ill to have visitors."

To Faith's relief she realized the girl wasn't demanding anything of her, but she was demanding it of the skinny broad-faced girl behind her. who stood looking as lost as Faith felt a second ago with a pitcher in her hand.

"You won't see me," Spike whispered in horror as if the girl announced his right hand would be falling off in a minute.

"You know very well I can't see you if you insist on behaving this way," the little ice princess said.

Faith realized or maybe she admitted what she already knew as she drew in another breath:

"You can't see me! C'mon, give me a fucking break! I'm in your god damned head. I can't get any fucking closer and you can't even fucking see me!"

"You won't see me," Spike said in a pleading voice to the Alice-chick, "I've done all I ever could for you. I thought I always pleased you, and now when it matters most, you won't see me."

"I can't see you," the girl said, and she did look like a sick kid for a second.

"You won't!" Spike yelled.

It made the chick with the pitcher jump and then try to blend into the fancy wooden furniture some more. The Alice-girl snap back in her bed. They didn't seem used to Spike yelling. Where had they been? Not exactly around for the last hundred years Faith guessed. But, the sickly Alice chick recovered well after she let out a cough or two. She gave him that icy you're a piece-of-shit-glare and said:

"Leave me be. I can't see you and now I surely won't."

"Please, Caroline. Maybe we disagree, but at least see me. Let me sit with you. We can at least---"

"Caroline!" Faith heard herself gasp, "Your sister. The dead one. Well, of course she's dead."

Faith wished it was her being an idiot and stating the obvious that made Spike shut it, but Caroline just glared again and it made Spike shut right up. His head hung in defeat as his words come out like hurt whispers of puppy whines.

"You must—I don't---I can't—Caroline—"

He started to back out of the room. If Faith didn't know this was the end of the line she probably would have laughed.

""You can't fuck see me! You asshole!" Faith yelled at the defeated and teary looking boy-Spike face.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me. This can't be it. I mean this cannot fucking be it. That mad scientist bitch could not just lock you down like this in some bad English 'Pride and Prejudice' moment in your life and you just give up with out a fight! No fucking way! There's gotta be something here, a way out."

Faith snarled and paced. She wanted to trash the place but she knew she couldn't touch anything.

Faith knew she wasn't taking her defeat as well as Spike. Let him and what Faith knew was now was Spike's bitchy little sister be all English and repressed about whatever it was that was going on here. Faith didn't give a fuck what bad memory Spike had been trapped in by that evil scientist bitch. She just wanted to get Spike out of his head and that wasn't possible if he was so far in he couldn't even see her.

"We can fix this, Caroline," Spike said as he picked his head up and had suddenly froze in his stepping away dance; "You and I will fix this together. It's what we've always done."

"I really desire to know exactly what it is we have ever fixed. I suppose you and I were always broken, vulnerable. The queer ones no one understood or even liked. The ones who had odd thoughts and failing health and weak eyesight," Spike's sister said.

She tried to say all of this like she couldn't give a shit about it. Faith could see from a million miles away when someone was trying as hard as they could to sound like they could care less about something. She was a good little actress, little Miss Ice Queen, but she was actress all the same.

"I know you don't mean that," Spike said to her and even with the glasses, the younger face and the floppy dirty blond mop his eyes still did that same pleading/demanding dance complete with dark blue sparks.

"I know you don't care what anyone thinks of you. I know you know how brilliant you are. We never let them stop us, Caroline. We convinced Father and all the rest of them that you were too good to be married off to that dolt. Next year you'll be one in four girls to go to university like you wanted, not that they'll be able to teach you anything you don't already---"

"Yes!" Caroline interrupted with a sneer and her body seemed to reject her nasty enthusiasm and she coughed a little.

"I will go to university one in four girls that everyone will treat as uppity and queer and they won't be able to teach me anything I don't know. And then I will marry a dolt or become a schoolmarm and I will still be the queer sickly girl. Nothing I do, nothing I ever did, was ever going to make any difference, William. My fate was always laid out for me in this world, beings a mere girl, even when I tried to bring in other worldly abilities to change it," Caroline said.

Man, this girl was kinda wordy for a kid. Faith thought she coulda summed it all up by saying: damned if I do, damned if I don't. That was something Faith could relate to.

"You may do whatever you like," Spike said, "The world is changing, Caroline."

Faith couldn't help but smile at Spike in this pointless boring English patient movie of a moment they were trapped in. He could be as English and as wordy as the rest of them, but when it really mattered he got right to the point with small and powerful words.

"The world is changing for you, William," Caroline smiled at him, "We both know I'm not going to be here much longer. "

"NO!" Spike yelled and it was a real Spike-yell now.

Faith was relieved to really see her man in his wholeness for a moment, and she was kind of amused that it shut his little twerp sister up for real. She talked too much like a tight-assed English grown-up. A kid shouldn't be talking this way about dying, and how they didn't care they were dying . Sure, Faith probably wasn't any older than her when she talked like that, but that was different. Faith had been a Slayer, and it wasn't like anybody really cared if she lived or died. Spike's sister did have someone who cared—a lot.

"I don't care what you say! You're special, Caroline. You've always been special. You don't think anyone knows or sees, but I always have," Spike said with gritted teeth and crazy eyes that no person in a boring-ass English period piece would do with a sickly girl.

"William, I---" Caroline started with her snotty outrage at the lack of Brit decorum her big bro was showing.

"No! You always talk of listening to your dreams. Well, since you've given up I'm listening to them. I went to the shop and I saw that woman and I got this and you WILL take it. I'm the man of this house and you will do as I say!" Spike yelled and his voice broke.

Now Caroline actually looked shocked. Faith wondered why. When Spike got it into his stupid head that something was for the best he wasn't exactly subtle if you refused it. Faith wondered if Spike's sister had ever really known him at all.

"You have no idea what your doing, you stupid dolt! You could have very well destroyed everything in your selfish stupidity in your vain attempt to rescue me from something I've long known cannot be changed and no amount of poorly played out bravado will undo that," Caroline said.

Faith felt herself licking her lips as it felt like someone socked her in the chest. Maybe she didn't speak uptight Brit to get Spike's little sis's every word, but she got exactly what the girl said. Spike's little sister knew him really well.

"May God have mercy on your soul," Faith heard a whisper and turned to see the broad faced girl doing a hasty sign of the cross and run off.

"Huh?" Faith said. She was totally confused now.

What the hell was going on? Faith got that Spike's little sister was dying, and she had accepted that and Spike hadn't. Faith thought that Spike went to seek some crazy cure, but she didn't get why that would scare the servant chick.

For the first time Faith noticed Caroline had Spike's eyes, his high cheek bones and it gave her a weird face that made her look shrewd and young at the same time. As Spike came closer and sat down on her bed it seemed to suddenly cheer her up.

"Did you really think that going to that shop where I play child's games I should have long given up will help me? You haven't done anything but scare poor Molly half to death. She's probably running straight to church, convinced she needs purifying by just being in my presence. At least you do things to amuse me," she laughed and coughed and coughed some more.

The cough was brutal. The poor kid.

"So alternative medicine is like a sin? Was like everything a sin back then? Shit! How you lived in the-stake-rammed-up-the-English-Channel-times, I'll never know," Faith said.

She knew they couldn't hear her. Faith was some lone Marley's ghost this time, and Spike was no Scrooge. His younger boy face looked like he was going to be the one to die as his little sis coughed. Fuck. Caroline really was just a kid. Maybe a bit of a tight ass one, but she gave back as good as she got. And she loved Spike. And she was gonna die. Caroline coughed and held Spike's hand now and looked straight into his eyes as if to try to convince him she was gonna die.

"Did you really think you could save me by going to that place and buying elixir? Those women may've taught me a prank or two, but that doesn't mean they're above taking advantage of my poor brother. You heard mother. I should never have gone there. Its suppositious nonsense and poor Molly has us going straight to Hell," Caroline laughed painfully as Spike began to cry.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" Faith blurted out, "How can I be in your god damned mind and you can't hear me? Am I just supposed to sit hear and watch you be in Hell. Is that it?"

She thought about trying to hit the young scrawny version of Spike, but she knew that would do nothing. Faith could live through failing at a lot of shit, but trying to touch Spike and failing…

"Hell, indeed. You've stopped trying," Spike cried, "That is what you always do when you're afraid you will fail and that is when I must step in and help."

"Well, you're doing a bang up fucking job so far sitting there with a dying ghost looking all Ikabod Crane," Faith snapped.

"As usual you have no notion what you are talking about!" Caroline snapped, "You think any of your feeble attempts to rescue me from whatever fate have ever really been anything other than folly? If you have, it's because that's what I've let you think, and that wasn't a difficult task, leading you to think what ever I chose. The only one I have to thank for raising me out of my circumstances is myself. Everything father ever said about you was true. You are nothing but a fool who spends all his time blathering on about idle subjects. I was the one who was destined to make my way in the world."

"You bitchy little pipsqueak!" Faith roared, "Do you have any idea who you're talking to?"

"Take it, Caroline," Spike begged with cracked red eyes, "It's probably a bunch of poppycock, but just do it, for me. There's nothing to lose. It's just childish wishes, silly magic, right?"

Spike pulled out a little amber glass bottle from his pocket. Faith wished Spike was more himself. She wished he had it in him to hand this little brat her ass rather than hand her…What did he say he was giving her?

"Wait," Faith said, "Magic?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is. It simply won't work," Caroline must have heard Faith say what a little bitch she was as she didn't look so puffed up now.

"Magic?" Faith demanded, "Spike, your messing around with magic to try to stop someone from dying a non-mystical death? Even I know that's some stupid shit. How the hell can you not know---"

"You wouldn't understand, but things have limits, William, prices. It would truly be a sin to not let me die this way. It was—"

"Since when do you care about bloody sin?" Faith could hardly understand Spike through the gnashing of his teeth, "I know you. You're hiding something from me. If it was just that it simply wouldn't work, you'd drink it and be done with it."

"Why won't you let me help you?" he pleaded now back to crying.

God, Faith forgot how much of an emotional roller coaster you could be on by just being next to him.

"I've always helped you, haven't I? Made it so everyone could see how you shone. You can't die. Not you, Caroline. You're right. I may be older but you, you're stronger, "he whimpered at the kid's bed-side, and Faith realized just what a kid he was too.

"I'm not gonna let you be stuck in your head reliving this moment," Faith vowed.

She was telling the truth. She had no idea what she was going to do, but she knew she couldn't let this go on.

"Maybe I was the brilliant one, the strong one, but you are the good one, William and you deserve good things in this life," Caroline said she reached out to touch Spike's head like it was a hot plate.

"Sometimes I think perhaps I am truly wicked. I can be so cruel and selfish," she said and coughed and Faith noticed blood on the little lacy thing she was coughing into.

"No! That's not true. You deserve---"

Spike was interrupted by more coughing from Caroline.

Spike rose and started yelling for a doctor. It suddenly sounded all wrong to Faith. Yelling for a doctor wasn't something Spike did.

"I know I've done one good thing," Caroline wheezed, "I put a spell on you. One that will ensure that you will have a long life. A good life. People will see you for all you greatness. You'll be the one to shine. You will get all you ever wanted. All you deserve."

"Oh, little-miss-know-it-all," Faith felt herself gulp, "You had no idea how much you fucked our boy with that one. Assuming it even worked. I guess you were just tryin' to help him, like he was tryin' to help you. You really were damned if you did and damned if you didn't, huh?"

Faith looked at Spike's horrified, confused face as he watched his sister die. She decided she'd rather look at Caroline who smiled like an idiot after she got her breath back after agonizing struggle.

"I'm no Merlin," Faith muttered to the girl, "I barely know a wand from a vibrator. But even I could teach you the first rule of magic. If it can find a way to fuck with you…"

Faith saw Caroline's pointed young face get blurry and trail off. Faith thought maybe the girl was getting sucked off into some kind of vortex. Then Faith looked for Spike and she couldn't see him in fact she couldn't see anything. She realized she was the one that was getting sucked into the vortex. Yeah, she was the one using magic now.

"…it will," Faith finished.

"We'll ravage this city together, my pet. Lay waste to all of Europe," Faith couldn't see anything but she could sure hear Spike's voice.

He sounded like him again. Well, sort of. Faith didn't know what the whole laying waste thing was about, but she could do with laying something—namely him. She could tell he was himself and happy and as soon as her senses could clear she could find him and they could get the hell out of here.

Faith adjusted her eyes and saw that she was still in an old school house with a lot of fancy wooden furniture…or she wasn't really. When she moved her head around it felt too light—like a dream. She didn't care. It wasn't like she really wanted to be here, not for another second.

"Oh shit we're still in tea cozy land, aren't we?" Faith grumbled, "Oh well. At least I don't have to see anymore dead chicks."

Faith turned to see a pair of really creepy looking eyes looking at her. They were big and round and this sort of blue that was almost purple. They were looking right at her, or no, they were looking right through her. Was it a demon? It was too creepy looking to be an animal. Was it a ghost? Faith saw the eyes had a face; they belonged to a pale pointy nosed woman with porcelain skin. The eyes looked kind of buggy on that face—but still kinda pretty, the kind of pretty that was almost ugly and went to some kind of beautiful.

"Drusilla!" Faith started to gasp and then it turned into a grumble.

"The three of us will teach those snobs and elitists with their falderal just what!" Faith heard Spike say excitedly.

Before Faith could bare to turn to him just so she could see him with this bitch in his head Faith saw Drusilla's eyes go all round with a fake innocence that looked so real it had to be evil.

"Three?" Drusilla asked.

To be continued…


	12. Chapter 12

Summary: Connor really hoped Faith's mind-trip to save Spike would be safer than her mind-trip to save Angel. After The New Initiative and the old Watcher's messed with Spike's mind Faith goes into help—literally as she is doing this Connor goes looking for more about his identity and finds something he didn't expect.

Post-Chosen. Alternate Reality "Angel" Season 5

Notes: You can read this alone and it will catch you up and make sense. However this is the second part of an episode of a very long Spike/Faith & Connor centered series which you can start it began all the way back with a fic called "Forget Me Not." If you want to get more of what's happening read the last two chapters:

If you want to know more about what happened between Dawn & Connor go to: The Forget Me Not Series Chapter Six (in the middle):

"I'd say some line about how we have to stop meeting like this," Connor said as he felt his face get tight with a smirk, "But you're the one girl that gives me all that I ask for right when I ask for it and you never run to anyone else. So, what are you anyway? Some kind of half demon that can keep a bunch of memories in your head? We might have more in common than you think. Unless you're more like some kind of robot with like a million gigs of memory in your head. You're a fast little number too. You must have a ton of Megs of ram stuffed in there. I'll bet that's it. I'll bet you're nothing more that a girl shaped computer."

Connor shamelessly looked at the ass of the woman shaped being as it was bent over some filing cabinets. Funny he thought she'd have a rounder ass. Why did she have to look in a filing cabinet anyway? She always said she was files-and-records at Wolfram and Hart and she said little else. Connor knew he'd spent way too much time wondering just what that made her.

It was weird, but Connor actually looked forward to talking to her, even if she was most likely an inhuman embodiment of an evil corporation or maybe it was because she was one. It was true that his sense of humor was totally lost on her, but it was much more comforting than how it was lost on Angel. Connor was down here trying to research if he was going to become some kind of soulless demon as he aged. He did need a laugh and he was pretty sure the only way he was going to get one was if he could be alone and laugh into the void that was the file and records girl's eyes.

Something was off about her today. She smelled wrong—like sweet milky soap mixed with something salty and sad. Oh no. The girl crouched with her back to him then sprung up and turned like a startled forest creature that had been both waiting and dreading his arrival. It was then Connor saw the long honey hair whip around. The lithe body straightened out like a hair that met with an electrical current. She had a body that often snapped like a rubber band. It wasn't as graceful as it could be. It was like she wanted to jump out of her body to find her grace because she didn't realize it was right there.

"What?" Dawn snapped as she turned and then did some stiff steps backwards until she fell against the filing cabinet.

"Oops," Connor heard himself mutter, "I thought you were—"

"Yeah, I know what you think I am. You made that clear quite a while ago. You think I'm some loser that isn't as cool as you because I don't sit around obsessing that I have fake memories!" she said complete with a nostril flare.

Wow. Dawn hated him. Connor never realized how blue her eyes were until they were glaring right at him and blazing. When she had that thing for him she never really looked him in the face. A glare like that always gave him a good throbbing buzz of hurt, but it was nothing he wasn't used to. He remembered the glares of disappointment and disgust women had given him. Cordy. Fred. Jasmine. (But never Faith.) They were real memories. However, it was the fake memories that kicked in to help him deal with the real ones and Connor was learning you had to take what you could get.

"Yeah," he said, "That was pretty much what I said, huh? Sorry. I was kind of in TBM because I was still dealing with all of my memories coming back."

"You know just because I--," she stopped mid-bluster, "What's TBM?"

"It stands for total bitch mode. It's something my sister made up, it's when you are so unhappy all you want to do is make everyone else miserable too," Connor said.

"They gave you a sister with all the fake memories?" she asked him like she was questioning a bad guy with her arms tightly hugging the thick file she had as if it was a shield between them.

"Two actually," he said, "The younger one made up the TBM thing to talk about the older one with me. I never went into my own TBM in my family, but you know I think finding out all of my memories of a life I loved were mostly fake pushed me into having one."

"Why? Why would they do that? What's the point?" she demanded.

"I wasn't really thinking about making a point," Connor saw the high ceiling stacked with files as he rolled his eyes, "You mean to tell me when you found out all your memories were fake you didn't care? You just woke up, found out your whole life was a lie and went off to chemistry class because their was no point to freaking---"

"No! I mean what was the point of them giving you a sister—sisters with the fake memories. I mean they gave me Buffy so she could protect me...or they gave me to Buffy. I see the point in that but for you—why? And I didn't wake up and run to chemistry class. My mom just died and I was only 14 and it was biology that year. It would have been better if it was chemistry because chemistry is more like the study of magik and it would have made me realize spell I wanted to use for bringing mom back to life wasn't balanced."

"For someone who likes to see the point, you sure have trouble sticking to yours," Connor smirked, but he saw her brow furrow.

He hadn't meant it to be cruel at all. He should have known Dawn wasn't the verbal sparring type. For a girl who had been through all that she had it would be better if she had a sense of humor. Everyone from Sunnydale seemed way too sensitive. He missed Faith and she had only been "gone" a few hours. She was physically only a few floors up from where he stood now, but magik had taken her worlds away yet again. Connor really hoped Faith's mind-trip to save Spike would be safer than her mind-trip to save Angel. He had barely known Faith back then and yet he could look back and see he was far more upset at the thought of her dying than his then-emotionally idiot brain would admit. Connor was now no longer an emotional idiot and he knew if he lost Faith now… Funny how in this world—the real world—someone could be right there but really a world away and it was all thanks to magik.

"You think things have a point? You think magik makes sense like science?" Connor forced himself to look at the blue eyed honey-haired girl with the twitchy but perfectly bowed lips.

"That's why you're down here, isn't it?" he asked and he was glad it came out sounding gentle, "You're trying to find a point to it all. A great answer. You're trying to find out why you were even born and why your sister had to go off into that other dimension and if there is some way that your love can bring her back with magik. Life doesn't work like that, Dawn. Most of the time there is no point and even if there is one love isn't enough to change things or bring people back."

He thought he was going to feel anger or pity. She really had been through a lot. He hadn't realized, and now her babble was sinking in. She found out her memories were fake when she was much younger than Connor and her mom had just died and she still had it in her to go to biology class. Damn. Connor found as he looked at her he felt something else. Something he hadn't felt before and he didn't know what it was. He just knew it was strong, so strong it felt almost violent. He had to force himself to not move closer to her.

"Was that the speech you had all practiced-up for Faith but you were too chicken to give it to her so you thought you'd give it to me and I'd be all weepy or something?" she said coolly.

"What?" was all that came out from Connor's mouth.

"Yeah," she said with a triumphant smirk, "I may not be cool enough to be in your little click but word gets around. I know Spike's mind is gone and Faith went in to save it. I also know that unless you're a magik diva like Willow that usually doesn't work, and if it does the person who enters into the other's mind can end up becoming a vegetable...or crazy like Spike. So, aren't you using your love-and-magik-don't-mix speech on the wrong—"

"Faith won't become a vegetable and she won't become like Spike. She can't. She—"

"I think you better take your hands off me right now," she said with steely blue eyes.

Connor suddenly became aware of his hands and they felt like two heavy hot plates that had been pressing into Dawn's slender shoulders. He pulled his hands away from her as quickly as if they were hot plates and looked at them to be sure that they were really his.

"And I think you also better stop assuming you know anything about me. I am not looking for why I was born. I know exactly why everything happened the way it did. I was never born. I was made. I was a mystical key that could open up dimensions. I was more dangerous than you could imagine. I heard you ripped a hole in a dimension. Well, I could make every dimension collapse into each other; every world would collide because of me. An evil goddess wanted to use my power. So, these monks made me into the Slayer's sister. My sister died for me, and then her friends brought her back with magik and that upset a mystical balance in this dimension. Due to the fact that my sister resurrected unnaturally The First Evil would be able to arise unnaturally as well-- no matter how many times we defeated it. So, the only thing we could think of to do was to send her to another dimension. So, I know exactly who I am. I am an utterly useless thing that my sister had to leave this world for. And I know I need no lectures about the pointlessness of love and magik from you."

"You aren't useless," Connor said after what felt like a full minute to get his lips moving.

He felt like he had to keep talking to somehow lesson the power of her glare.

"I mean, I don't think you're useless. You've done a lot of stuff. They always act like you do a lot of stuff. I mean that's what I heard. I heard you saved Fred from being turned into some evil warrior bitch goddess. That's gotta look on a college resume, right? And you know exactly who you are; where you came from with that whole key thing. You can do anything you want with your future and you don't have to worry that you're going to slowly turn evil and destroy the world or something," he said, "So, um, collapsing dimensions? Wow. That's impressive. Maybe another thing to put on the resume. I'm sure that could come in handy if you wanted—to like—visit your sister or something. I know my dad would have liked—"

"That would violate every law of physics and end the universe…es. I thought you were a science major." she said coolly, "Besides, the power in me is dead, and even if all of that wasn't true…I'd never dream of bringing Buffy back. I used to just come down here to see if I could find out what the dimension she was in was like…if she was happy. When you try to bring someone back and they don't want it…"

Her voice stopped being cool and trailed off into nothing.

"I wasn't in school long enough to pick a major. I kind of had a hand in everything but I was always a hard guy," he said.

He didn't understand why she had a slight smirk until he did.

"I mean," his mind was racing so much he fell off the track, "I liked the hard science and mechanical stuff. I like to build things, make things--- real solid things. I don't really see what science and magik have to do with each other. Science is all about order—magik is chaos."

"Is that what you think?" she smiled like he was a stupid kid now, "Why are you down here anyway?"

"I---"

Suddenly he heard the sound of heavy breathing and a pounding heart. He smelled strong must and a spicy yogurt-like smell. Connor knew who it was and she was running towards him with all her strength and he wasn't exactly unhappy to see her. (Or sense her. She hadn't come into view yet.) Kennedy. It wasn't really a bad thing to be so aware of her but he really wished Sajhan hadn't forced him to drink her blood. (Blood he liked drinking. Blood that got him high.) Shit. He could sense she was afraid. He could smell it. She rarely was afraid. Unless something was wrong with…

"Dawn!" Kennedy panted, "She's worse. She's spinning out of control— literally. Have you found anything?"

"It's Faith," Connor didn't ask, "Something is going wrong with the spell."

That was the only "she" Kennedy would be this concerned about, unless it was Willow and Connor knew that Willow could hold her own in magik. How could Connor forget about Faith even for a moment? He left her thinking he could do nothing, thinking it was okay because she wanted him to do nothing. But now he knew he had to do something but what could he do?

"Connor!" Kennedy panted, "Where the hell have you been? Willow doesn't know what to do, so she got Wes. And I think we both trust him as far as Dawn here can throw him, so I need you up there now. You've been through some shit with Wes and Faith and magik before, right? You'll know if he's doing anything crazy risky with her life?"

"I thought this wasn't going to be like last time!" Connor demanded to no one in particular, "I thought it was going to be different than it was with the Orpheus, but it's still magik. I should have known."

"There's no way you could have known," Dawn said, "And it is different. It has to be. From what I heard Faith and Spike are in love."

She stopped like she tasted something bad in the air. It had less bitterness than the look she had given him earlier. It was almost pouty. So, Dawn didn't like the whole Spike and Faith development. Connor didn't much either now, due to the fact that it led them here. Dawn never seemed to have a thing for Spike. She seemed to act really snotty towards him most of the time. Then Connor remembered something about Spike being with Dawn's sister. It was hard to imagine Spike with anyone else. Even when Faith was with that principal guy Spike was so into her. Connor would love to think that he could picture Faith with someone else, but after seeing Spike and Faith together and how miserable she had been without him…Connor long accepted that people loved who they loved no matter what.

"And love makes magik stronger the research shows," Dawn said.

She waived the research folder in front of Connor and the contents would have fallen all over the floor if Connor hadn't caught it. As much as he wanted to throw the file into the next dimension he was glad that Dawn had some of her spazziness back. She was a little frightening the other way.

"How is it different? How's love going to protect Faith? How can love stop magik from making anyone a vegetable or crazy?" he asked as he looked into Dawn's eyes.

"Umm," Dawn looked away, "The research doesn't say."

"Great because in my experience love hasn't stopped magik from making anyone crazy or a vegetable. Why did Faith do this? She knows better! What's the point?" he said.

"Sometimes the point is you have to try no matter what," Dawn retorted, "Didn't the fake memories Angel gave you stop you from going crazy? I'm just saying. Now let's go try to help them."

To be continued…


	13. Chapter 13

_Summary: Faith knew her mind-walk with Spike would be different than her Orpheus mind-walk with Angel. She just didn't know how right she'd be. When The New Initiative and the old Watcher's messed with Spike's mind Faith went into help—literally._

_In this Chapter: some Willow & Kennedy & Wes/Fred, but mostly about Spike & Faith. There will be more Buffy, Willow & Kennedy and more Connor (and maybe Dawn?) soon._

_Visited Themes:_

_("Orpheus," Angel Season 4, Faith, Redeemed Faith, Mind-Walks, Magic, Willow's struggle with Magic, Connor, Angel, Wes, Fred, Nikki Wood, Spike&Nikki Wood, 1970s punk Spike, Evil Spike, Crazy Spike, Redeemed Spike, "Lies My Parents Told Me" Spike's past, Season 7 Spike &Buffy) _

* * *

"Bad, bad, bad…all bloody bad. No good I tell you, no good," Spike whispered to himself.

Faith could at least appreciate that crazy people told it like it was. Nothing good was happening here; it was just her fucking up as usual. Faith's mind was spinning as she paced back and fourth. They were still in Spike's mind, trapped in his worst memories. Faith didn't want to think about what she had just seen. It made no fucking sense, and the sense it did make she couldn't seem to think about without wanting to scream, or try to rip Spike's head off. But, she couldn't do that because she couldn't touch Spike and Spike couldn't see her. She was fucking useless!

They were in a new place now. The walls were grey and the room was damp and dark and familiar. Very familiar--- because it was like every hovel she and everyone had been in when they were stuck in hovels. Faith knew it didn't fucking matter where they were; this was no place where Slayer/ Girl Scout training was going to come in handy. Like when she was in Angel's head, everything kept shifting and changing. The difference was when she was in Angel's head no matter how bad It got, even when she thought she was about to die, it was always damn fun to watch Angelus squirm. This was Spike's mind and he was a vamp and he had never apologized for it. Faith got that or at least she thought she did, but after what she just saw… She expected to see Spike killing—expected to see evil, but she didn't expect what Spike's mind gave her for her viewing pleasure.

"You know what your problem is? You are best buddies with your demon and that's what leads you into shit like the last scene. Not to mention it gives a chick like me nothing to work with. Asshole!" Faith yelled at the vampire that was deaf to her, but she wouldn't look at him.

It was easy not to with him cowering in the shadows in the familiar looking dump.

"Nothing good, doesn't matter how much you scrub, there's no cleaning it. Won't wash ..."

Spike was crazy now; no he had been crazy and now she was just seeing how crazy he really was. This is what that mad scientist bitch, Walsh, really did to him. She trapped him in his mind and made him relive all his worst memories so she could have control over him on the outside. Of course, that wasn't really what Walsh wanted. The mad scientist wanted good old fashioned revenge. It turned out the mad scientist chick had a mad scientist mom. The mom was the one that put that chip in Spike's head back in the day. The mom ended up dead-- and guess what vampire her kid blamed for her death. Faith missed prison. There if somebody blamed somebody else for a death they just tried to shank them.

Faith was such an idiot to ever stay in Sunnydale. She should have just left the minute the damn place resurrected along with Spike after he burned to close the Hellmouth on it. Everyone would have been better off –especially her. She wouldn't be in Spike's head watching him be tortured by it. What the fuck was she thinking? That she could handle Sunnydale and hook-up with one of B's exes? Yeah, because that worked out so well before.

Was she thinking she could just go into Spike's mind and yell at him, fight with him and save him from being trapped in it forever? Yeah, that was it. How could she be so stupid? This wasn't Angel; this was Spike. When had anything with Spike ever been so cut and dry? Angel had nice cut edges as square as his jaw—Spike was a fucking bloody mess. If anyone should get that it was Faith. Or maybe not, maybe she was too stupid to even try to really get Spike. Every vampire was supposed to want to kill their family. It was Slaying 101. Well, she supposed Spike did kill his mother, but what Faith saw with Spike and his mom-- it just wasn't right.

"Dropped my slate. Dropped my slate wanted it clean, but it's gone…all bloody gone."

"Shut-up! God, you really never fucking do that do you! And I just gotta add you gotta be the stupidest vamp ever—turning your mom into a vamp so she can live with you forever and then being a big ass shocked cry baby when she does nothing but try to fuck you over—literally. What the fuck did you expect? The whole point of being evil is you aren't supposed to give a fuck about anyone or anything. Why the fuck do you think I turned evil? For the leather pants? I already had those. You are supposed to be free—free—and you had no excuse you had no soul. You are so fucking----"

Faith's rant stopped as Spike walked out into the light.

"Bad. It's too bright. It burns. Burns dust to dust—ashes to ashes," he said.

Faith sat dumbfounded. The first thing she noticed was the self-inflicted slashes on his chest that he was too crazy to try to hide with his open black shirt. Faith didn't need anyone to tell her what self-inflicted cuts looked like; she has spent a lot of lonely nights with sharp things in her younger years. Spike's hair was different again. It was clumpy and curling brown strands with bleached blonde ones like some kind of fucked-up basket weave. It wasn't the fruity dusty light brown do' he had when Faith watched him kill his mom and then kill her again. But that wasn't what shut her up. It was his eyes. They were blue burning embers of misery. Embers—that was a word she learned from all the poems Spike had read for his mom.

Faith heard Spike read some poems when his mind showed her the English tight-ass days. She wasn't gonna pretend for a moment she was the kind of chick that understood poems. She just knew that he meant all the things he wrote, and she could feel that he meant them. Faith could feel along Spike's poems like a blind person to get what the poem meant even if she was too stupid to really understand.

So, Faith wasn't really sure she knew what embers were. She just felt they were powerful piercing jewels that could turn you to stone, and they were what Spike's eyes were now. There was something completely off about his eyes—something insane. But, that wasn't what made her quiet. Faith could deal with insanity like no one else. It was that they were miserable insane and desperate for relief. Relief Faith couldn't give.

"It's like a spark that keeps burning and burning an eternal flame. Searing, will it go to red to blue to white? Its better If your still. The edges don't singe or get hard," he said.

Faith forced the corners of her mouth up. They felt really dry compared to her eyes.

"Spike, I know you can't hear me but I won't leave you. We're gonna figure this out, okay? I don't care if I have to stay on this bad trip with you. I don't care if it takes me spending the rest of my already borrowed days in this coma where I might as well be deaf, dumb and blind. I won't leave you like this. I gotta figure something out eventually. If were lucky it won't take longer than my year and a half coma."

Spike gave her nothing—literally. He was staring off into some fixed spot. Faith knew that trick. The one where stuff got so bad in your head you had to float out of it. She did it more times then she cared to remember on occasions she refused to remember.

"You rest now, baby. Enjoy your little trip, but I won't let you do that too much 'cause if you go too far there might not be enough of you to bring back," Faith said.

Although she had no idea how she was going to stop Spike from going all catatonic for too long when he couldn't see or hear her…or feel her. Faith sat next to him as he vegged out in the corner. She wanted to touch him. She knew it was stupid. She was just going to reach out and feel air. Maybe she could just try it. What would she have to lose? Just everything…just knowing he wasn't really there. She wasn't really there…that they didn't exist for each other any more, and that Spike was trapped in his own Hell. Faith heard the sound of high heels clicking and she pulled her inching hand away from Spike.

"God, now what?" Faith groaned, "If it's more of that crazy cow Drusilla I'm gonna go catatonic myself. I can't take her, Spike. How did she not drive you insane with just her voice alone? Let alone all that crap she says with it."

But, it wasn't Drusilla. It wasn't Drusilla at all. It was the total opposite of that crazy evil bitch. It was the picture of all that was good and sane and made sense in this world.It was B.

She was wearing a silky white flowing top and mahogany leather boots. It was her usual $200 outfit that made B look like the little pixy goddess she was, or had been. Faith could tell by the way B looked, by her too-natural-looking-to-be-natural hair and by the way her big round eyes scanned the room that this was another past flashback and B couldn't see her. One thing about B was that she always gave Faith a lot of attention with her eyes, even when she was trying not to. The other thing about B was she changed her hair so often that Faith could tell exactly when this little flashback was taking place. Due to those lame bangs, Faith knew it had to be around the time The First was in town. Of course, this is when Spike first got his soul. Faith was glad that B wasn't really here to see her be unable to figure out simple things like this.

"Hey, B. Nice to see you. I forgot how contempo casual your clothes were," Faith grinned and got up off the floor.

It wasn't like anyone was gonna know she was doing it, or how relieved she was to see B. Even if it wasn't live B, taped B probably had great nuggets to offer. B's face was still set in stone even as she unfolded her arms and bent down in front of vegged out Spike and snapped her fingers. She sighed impatiently as if the whole thing was boring to her. Leave it to B to find saving Spike from the crazies easy and boring. Hadn't she done this for Angel too? No wonder B thought she could convince Faith to stop being crazy and evil. Faith was probably the only one that didn't make it easy for her.

"I guess you're gonna do what you do best and save him? Maybe this little flashback has a point. Too bad it's the one I already know. What Faith does wrong, Buffy does right," Faith laughed.

But, she still stood over them ready to watch and learn and see just how B did it. She hadn't completely given up on the idea that she was being shown this for a reason. Maybe if she copied B here she could get Spike sane again.

"Spike, what are you doing?" B snapped with her voice as she did with her fingers.

"Nothing," Spike said as he tried to keep looking straight ahead.

Faith grinned, it had worked. B snapped him out of it.

"If I don't move, if I don't think, if I don't listen to the voices, then I won't hurt...much," Spike told B.

"I need to ask you something," B said impatiently.

"Don't," Spike said.

Faith didn't blame her for being tired of this I'm-so-tortured-I'm-crazy shit. The only way to snap someone like Spike out of it was to tell him you weren't having any of it.

"There's a girl, she's in danger, and she needs your help. Now. Time is running out. It's Friday, the day Cassie said she's going to die," B said.

"I can't. I can't hear you," Spike said miserably.

"Is there something evil in the school? Down here, maybe. Spike, please, do you know anything?" B demanded.

"Yes. There's evil. Down here. Right here. I'm a bad man. William is a baaad man. I hurt the girl," Spike rose and started punching the wall.

"Spike, stop it! What did you do?" B demanded as she grabbed one of Spike's fists in her tiny little grip.

"I hurt you, Buffy, and I will pay. I am paying because I hurt the girl," Spike said.

"Spike. No. It's not me. It's a different girl, OK?" B said.

She was fed up. Faith was very familiar with that B look.

"Her name is Cassie Newton. Please, do you know anything specific?"

Spike shook his head miserably. He knew he was letting B down again. On top of getting his soul back and going crazy. Faith failed to see how this was helping Spike. But, she was sure B had some back up plan if trying to get Spike to save a girl wasn't working. Then Faith saw that B was walking away.

"Don't?" Spike seemed to ask, "Don't leave me. Stay here, and help me be quiet."

"Aw, don't worry, baby," Faith said, "I'm sure she's coming back with the big plan that makes you all better."

B turned to Spike with another all-too-familiar look. She was disgusted. B was disgusted by Spike while he was sitting here in pain. No, Faith had to be misreading it. Maybe B could see Faith somehow and she was really looking at her.

"I think it's worse when I'm here," she said coolly and turned to walk away.

"B, no," Faith whispered as she felt like ice was sliding down her insides, "She's coming back, right?"

"Don't let him hurt the girl," Spike said to no one—to B's ghost.

Then, Spike sunk to the floor making cries like a wounded animal.

"You bitch!" Faith yelled to B's ghost.

Faith tried to run after B, but she realized being in Spike's mind she couldn't leave this place, which she now realized was the basement of the new-old Sunny D High.

"Fuck!" Faith yelled, "How can she just leave you? She has to come back, right? I mean, how else could you get better? She was all you had. Didn't she see how you had a soul? How you needed her? Instead she goes on about some girl she has to save. I mean any idiot can see when one of their own needs serious…She can't, can she? B can't see stuff like that."

Faith stopped and took a breath as her thoughts echoed back to her along with Spike's whimpers.

"We gotta save ourselves, don't we?" Faith said, "Heroes like B aren't for us."

"I can't hear you," Spike said with shut eyes as he was kneeling, "I can't hear you. I can't. So, you can stop all the prattle. It won't work."

"I know," Faith said softly, "I know you can't hear me. We'll just have to think of something else."

She reached down to touch his blonde/brown weaved together curls. She thought she may've felt them all sticky and tight, but before she was sure Spike jumped back.

"Oh, god, no!" he yelped, "There are two of you now. That's not playing fair. Ganging up!"

"You know I ain't going anywhere, foxy," a soft voice whispered, "I was always with you and I always will be. You couldn't shake me if you tried."

Now it was Faith's turn to jump back as a woman literally materialized out of nowhere. She had skin the color of dark oak with a bushy afro that reminded Faith of "Good Times" reruns. But, somehow the hair didn't make her look outdated or stupid. She was lithe and tall and she strutted around Spike like she owned him. She had a comfort in her own skin that Faith knew from experience. She was a Slayer.

"Nikki Wood," Faith said, "You're her ghost. You're haunting Spike's mind. Stop it and I'll forgive your son for dumping me when I needed him. He's a good guy—your son—and so is Spike now. So, you gotta help a fellow ex-Slayer out and move on."

"It's kinda funny but I kinda dig you," Nikki Wood said as she clearly didn't see Faith, "You know what I like about you? You try real hard. It's all a big show, ain't it? Nothing but a bunch a' flash. Ain't nobody ever gonna love you. You're nothin' but a piece of jive nasty trash I kick into the gutter. Why don't you just give up? Give in…go for that sweet release."

"You're not Nikki Wood. You're The First," Faith said, "You're wasting your time. He's stronger than you. You'll lose."

"Nobody loses and nobody wins. We just dance 'round and 'round. Round and round she goes and where she stops nobody knows. But, you—you have to stop now," Spike said.

"You tell 'em, baby," Faith said knowing neither The First nor Spike could hear her.

Faith knew sticking up for Spike was pointless. He couldn't hear her and this was an old battle Spike already won, but Faith had to entertain herself somehow.

"Let a dead man lay down," Spike smiled sadly, "Don't dance on his grave. I know what you're tryin' to do, and it won't work. I had my last waltz with you. Pick another partner."

"Right," Faith said to herself, "The First loser will just have to go pick on someone else, pose as their dead ghosts. 'Cause even when you're down and out you aren't gonna fall for it. I'll tell ya, we're all lucky that First dude didn't get to me a couple of years sooner. I'm not a Champ like you, all it takes for me is to be a little down on my luck and I reach for the first—"

"Not the bloody First!" Spike yelled and looked Faith in the eyes, "You. You stop. Go!"

"Spike!" Faith gasped, "You can see---"

Faith felt something fast and powerful lunge for her and she quickly dodged out of the way. What ever it was that was aiming to hit her hit the thing behind her with a crunch. Faith looked over and realized what had been going for her was Spike's fist. He grinned a sharp faced human grin, the human grin that still looked deliciously demonic. His hair was now as bleached as the sun. They were in another place now. Yet another place Faith knew she should know instantly, but didn't. The room had windows and the walls sped by them, rumbling quickly showing off spray painted words that were going by too fast to read. There were metal poles holding the place up and puke yellow colored hard seats embedded in the walls. They were on a subway.

"Spike!" She called to him, but he was completely focused on the thing he just hit.

The thing jumped up in a black leather and coco colored swirl and hurled itself at Spike with amazing force and speed. It slowed to grab Spike by his bleached white spiked up hair. Nikki Wood again. Her mouth was a jagged line of determination and hate as she put Spike's head through the subway window as it whizzed by Christoper Street. Spike yelled out of the window not in pain but in giddy triumph. Nikki grunted as she pulled Spike back in. Spike was thrown across the subway and into the wall. His laugh made Nikki Wood shake with rage. She was as pissed as he was delighted.

Faith recognized Nikki's look. She wanted to pulverize Spike's insides and dance on them. Spike looked like he just won front row tickets to "The Sex Pistols," and he looked fit to go in his total punk get-up. Faith knew that this probably happened in a year where you could win Pistol tickets. She just didn't get what they were doing here. Hadn't Spike heard her? Shouldn't he be popping out of his memory loop now? This didn't exactly look like a bad memory. Spike never looked so alive and undead.

"So, you wanted to come back for more," Spike laughed, "Just like a woman to never be satisfied."

But that was the thing Faith knew about being evil, it may be quite a rush, but the hang over is a bitch. Faith supposed Spike had to live this memory where he was so high, just so he could crash and feel low about it later.

Nikki only cursed Spike with her wordless grunting as she took a missed swing at him.

"Yes," Spike said, "You have such fire. I may not be the first, but I'll be the best, and I'll be the last if you stay much longer."

Spike yanked off a subway poll and twirled it at Nikki while he twirled his tongue and grinned again. All the muscles in his arms tensed and bulged as he wrestled for the poll. Nikki cursed and spat as each move she made had as much fury as the next. Faith could see Spike's body working with all its moves as he sat back grinning like it was on auto-piolit. Spike's arms were pumping with life. Faith could see veins popping out of his muscles like healthy vines. She knew vamps didn't have working hearts, but something was pumping him up...lust. The twenty-something safety pins on his skin tight black vest seemed to pump too as they shimmered with the shaking subway light.

"You look really good," Faith said, "I'm a sucker for guys in eyeliner, and I love the hair. You know if I was any other girl it might bother me that you are rolling around with my ex's mom ignoring me. You heard me before; I know you did. So, hear me now, and let's get out of here."

"But, it's all for you, baby. Givin' you a good go. I heard about the fire in you a long time ago, and I knew it was all going to come down to me and you someday," Spike whispered as he held Nikki down on the subway floor.

"Oh," Faith groaned, "I get it. We jumped to a new scene, so now you can't hear me again. Well, you'll never hear me now. You are way too rapped up with her. At least I can watch. You're leaving yourself way too open to get hit, moron."

Nikki kicked Spike off of her and his head cracked up against a subway poll along with some safety pins on his vest. Together they made a great loud PING. Spike looked angry for the first time as he looked up from the floor.

"You may be the brilliant shining star here," Spike said as he exchanged even blows with Nikki, "But, at least I realize when the game is over and it's time to get out. Time to lose faith. You know you want to give up. You know it's not bloody worth it."

"So, this was your witty banter?" Faith rolled her eyes to herself, "This is how you killed Slayers. You got them to admit they wanted to bight it. What a regular brainiac you were to be the first vampire to realize Slayers have a death wish. Why wouldn't we? Most of us were just poor working slobs that had to fight off loser vamps by the dozen every night. The learning curve for vamps is kinda slow for you to be the best and brightest. You may've thought you were the shit back in the day, but you're not showing me anything new."

"How 'bout something retro," Spike said, "And like I said I may not be the brightest bulb, but at least I realize when someone is talking to me."

Faith felt something real and hard and warm and scratchy with safety pins back her up against the half-real feeling subway wall. It was Spike grinning at her. Straight in the face. Waiting. Spike had backed her into the subway wall and he was so close and real she could see where he tried to stick a safety pin in his eyebrow scar but then realized it was a stupid idea when fighting a Slayer and took it out.

"Now here's something I know how to work with," Faith grinned back.

Faith gave Spike's body a hard shove away from her because with him smiling with his chin all sticking out that was what he wanted and it was what she wanted. She wanted to feel the stretchy spandex vest and the cool safety pins and she wanted to push hard to feel the muscle and bone under it. She wanted to feel his real-feeling body and to force it to move---to wake up.

"If you really knew when someone was talking to you, you'd have answered me a whole lot sooner," Faith said.

"What do you mean?" he demanded.

She grabbed him back from her shove by his lean muscled arms giving them an angered squeeze. They felt real and firm…alive. It was everything else around them that felt dream-like and fake. The air around them was that dream kind that wanted to float her away. Away from this grinning angry man whose head she was in. Faith grabbed him by his safety pin vest and took his chiseled face roughly in her hand.

"We're in your brain, genius. This mad scientist chick has you stuck reliving your worst memories and I'm here to get you out. None of this is real," she said.

"Right," Spike said as he grabbed her hands roughly and held them away from him, "Well, if none of this is real you won't mind just fading away so I can get back to killing my second Slayer."

"God, you are really out of it, huh? You see killing Nikki might seem like a real good idea now, but soon it's gonna haunt you. You might not believe me right now, but see when you get out of this memory you're gonna remember a lot of stuff…like that you got a soul," she said.

"You really think a bloke would forget something like that? Look, whatever you're up to it won't work. Now do you wanna watch the show with me and my second Slayer or do you have to go?" he said as he looked at her like she was the crazy one.

"God," Faith groaned as she pulled her hands out of his rough grasp, "I should have sent Willow down here. I am no good at explaining stuff to the brain damaged. It's like the blind leading the blind, or the former evil leading…Look, I guess you can't remember, but killing Nikki is gonna turn out to be a bad thing. Like when you tried to save your mom by turning her into a vamp but then she turned into some nasty-ass Freudian monster and you had to kill her anyway."

"How do you know about that?" he demanded his forehead wrinkling.

"I saw it. I had Willow---I've come into your brain with magic to get you out of this memory loop you've been stuck in. I'm in here to wake you up. Get you out. You aren't really---"

"You've been seein' all the bad in me...all the things I've done?" Spike asked.

"No, thank god. I wouldn't have time to see all the bad shit you did, and by now I'd be really bored. I mean how many pillages, plottings and killings can you see until it gets really old? I never watch past the second movie in any horror series. I learned from 'Alien'—not worth it," Faith said, "I've been seeing all your worst memories. The times you've been down and kicked for it in life. You see, there was this crazy scientist girl who's made it so you relive these memories over and---"

"So, you saw what happened with my mum," Spike said shutting his eyes for a second, "You really think she was nothing but a Freudian monster when I…"

"That's the right word 'Freudian', right? That's the sleep-with-your-mom guy, right? Not that you did that. You did the right thing. Well, not the right thing, but man…I thought my mom was mean when she was drunk—Anyway, look, I could see all your bad memories but I couldn't talk to you until now. I thought I was gonna be like some useless hologram forever but--"

"You heard my--the poetry, didn't you?" he asked his eyes suddenly looking more round with the eyeliner around them.

"I did and I didn't get all of it but—"

"Oh, balls!" he rolled his eyes and ground his jaw.

He turned away from her and she grabbed his arms roughly again. Faith had to make him listen—to make him believe her. Maybe if she was smart enough to say something about his poems he'd believe her. Instead all she wanted to do was pound him into the floor out of frustration in more ways than one.

"Look, Slayer, why don't you just stop haunting me and go?" he mumbled as he avoided her eyes by looking down at the floor.

"'Slayer,'" she repeated, "So you know me? You know who I am. I knew it. I knew if I just got through to talk to you your brain wouldn't be mush."

"Do I know you?" he said defiantly.

They locked eyes and Faith knew in that instant he did know her. He knew everything. It was all in there---somewhere. He looked into her eyes and he stopped with the stuck-out-chin face and his whole face seemed to sink into misery. Faith knew it was because of the way she had been looking at him. No! This wasn't time for her to go soft and screw up.

"Spike, I don't know how much you remember---"she said as she stiffened and tightened the grip on his arms

"Oh, I remember it all," he grinned and stuck out his tongue, "A man doesn't forget having it all no matter how much it hurts remembering he lost it. And don't ever ask me if I know you. I know you better than you know yourself."

He caressed her bare arms and then clamped onto her forearms too. She was suddenly glad she was wearing her signature red ribbed plain tank top. She couldn't remember if she was wearing it back in real life or if this was just how she saw herself. Plain, tight and simple. She hoped it was enough to get Spike out of here. It looked like it was more than enough for him in other ways as he was practically drooling over her while keeping that sly look. He pulled her into him so their faces almost touched.

"I remember the first time I ever saw you. All those nasty little things you said to me—promises. How you'd pop me--- break me, but you weren't really you, and that's so like you," he said.

"Spike, that's not me. Not anymore. Maybe that's all you remember right now but I—"Faith tried to speak as she felt like she was shrinking as Spike moved his hips forward to not quite touch hers.

"I said don't tell me about who you are and what I bloody remember!" he yelled into her face, "I remember it all. The confrontation you promised in Buffy's body. The talk about bad movies in her basement so you could rub up against me and share cigarettes. Then I remember how I was supposed to die for you. It was what was right and good and true and all that rot, but you wouldn't let me. Then I remember more promises and talk when you let me love you…Then, I remember very clearly-- you tossed me out. I know it's just like you to meet a man and promise to pop him—break him and then not take your chance... and it's even more like you to throw away a second chance destiny made for you with him, just so you could really break him. And it's just like you to come back when you're not wanted to toy with him again. When it comes right down to it your nothing but a tease, Faith."

Faith heard the sound of angry wailing and realized it was her own voice as she saw Spike and his safety pin vest fly over across the subway and hit the wall. She felt her mouth fall open as she realized she had been the one to throw him there.

"That's right," Spike laughed as he slid down the wall, "You gave that up—your Slayer power, and you gave it up for me, so I could live. Feels good to have it back, doesn't it, love? Too bad I can only give back to you in my mind."

"You know we're in your head? You know someone stuck you here and I'm trying to get you out?"

"She may be a little slow, but she does catch on eventually," Spike said as he tapped a black polished nail to his white-blonde head, "I also know, little girl, that the magic you probably bullied Red into doing to get you here is more dangerous than you could ever imagine. Every second you spend here with me is another one getting you closer to that Mr. Death who you seem to so desperately want, but we both know you're just teasing the bloke like you do the rest of us."

Faith planted a good Slayer punch right to Spike's nose. One that bobbed his head back like a punching bag and when it came up his nose was bleeding. He gave her that arrogant smile and licked the blood from his face. He knew the real her. The pissed off killer that wanted to take herself down, but he didn't know that she refused to take anyone down with her anymore.

"I may be a little slow and I may fuck a lot of things up, but if there's one thing I'm not it's a tease," she said punching him again, "You can ask all the boys. I always come through."

"Yeah, I know, I can ask bloody Angel. You were so willing to dance with death for him to get him out of his head. You want one last dance with me, Slayer? Is that it? Well, let's dance, "Spike said as he landed his own punch to her face, "Maybe if I hit you hard enough you'll wake up."

She felt the force of his fist, but it didn't feel real. There was still pain, but there was no heaviness to it. It was the pain with Slayer power, which was something she missed but not as much as what was causing her the pain.

"Hey, you know my motto," Faith hit back cleanly with a grin, "Whatever it takes."

"Right," Spike said as he grabbed her fist and turned her around to hold her arm behind her back.

"I think you'll find I have better moves than Angel being that my head's not up my ass," he hissed in her ear as he ground his hips into her ass, "I always know what the Slayer's next move is gonna be."

Faith grinned at the realness of the pain as the subway around her seemed so fake and dream like. The pain was real. Spike up against her ass was real. All the moves she made were real. They mattered. Faith felt her grin turn to teeth gnashing and skull cracking as she head-butted Spike as hard as she could. He fell back with his angry "ow."

"Didn't seem to see that one coming," Faith turned to him and laughed, "You seem to be the one that's predictable. Jealous I did Angel's mind before yours. Letting your issues get in the way of being saved. "

"Bloody jealous?" he snarled and she was a little surprised when he jumped up and hit her, "Try unimpressed with your recycled bloody stupid life risking ideas. I really have to argue with which one of us is more predictable."

He backed her into the subway corner that seemed to have too much give to be a real wall. His hits were the only thing that was real. His pissed off face. He was so angry at her. Then he caught her eyes and he seemed to give her a sad smile. Seemed to? No, it was real. He was the only real thing here. He wasn't happy here. He was just pretending because he was so pissed off at her. Spike needed her help.

"But no matter," he said as his fists turned to hands again, "Now you can see how it's really done. How a real man doesn't let a woman trifle about in his head so she can die. He chases her off the minute she arrives so she can live her own nice full life."

"I'm the one with stupid recycled ideas?" she said as she landed a good one.

His sad smile disappeared and the angry smirk was back. That's it—fight. They were exchanging even blows now.

"The deeper I get into your head the more I realize you're a one trick pony," she said as she kicked a subway poll lose and tried to hit him with it, "Tryin' to prove you hit as hard as your Pops Angelus when I can feel your soul in every hit. I'd love to see all the vamp Freudian memories you have of him. I bet they're hot."

"You wanna see me without my soul?" he grinned and grabbed on to the subway poll she held and when he did there felt like there was a current running through it.

"I knew that's what would do it for you. That's why I brought you here the minute I knew you'd come," he said.

His face was the only thing she saw now as he lay on top of her with the subway poll in both of their hands. It buzzed with electricity—like his life force.

"Spike, what—"

"I've bragged about this a thousand times but you're the only one that gets to see it how it really happened. No special effects. Enjoy the show."

Suddenly, Faith was no longer under Spike but across from him and there was someone else under him--- Nikki Wood. It took Faith a minute to recognize her. She was lithe and tall, but she was weak and wounded and afraid. She wasn't the force of anger and energy that Faith saw and felt before.

"Now, that was fun," Spike said, "Told you I was gonna ride you hard before I broke you. You put up one hell of a fight. I'll be feeling it for days."

Spike lay over Nikki as he pinned her arms down over her head. Faith could see the top of his head that looked like a teased up straw colored cotton candy wonderland. She could see the tip of his long nose and his lined black silky lashes. She still liked the look. It was his voice she didn't like. It sounded different. It still had about a million candy coated layers to it: anger, sarcasm, lust, playfulness. They were just all cold. Dead.

"Please," Nikki said as her voice was shaking, "Let me go."

A Slayer shouldn't beg! It pissed Faith off. What kind of Slayer was she? The kind that wouldn't go evil just to piss people off. Faith begged a vampire for something once too.

"You're begging for you're life?" Spike asked Nikki.

Faith begged a vampire for something once, and it wasn't life.

"Yes, I'm begging for my life. Ain't that something you could always have over me? If you left me alive," Nikki said weekly but she wasn't crying.

Faith had cried, bawled. Angel, please kill me. She didn't make a good argument as to why he should do what she was asking. Not like Nikki was.

"Well, well, well," Spike laughed, "You're a surprise a minute. Begging was the last thing I expected from you. I like the sound of it. Maybe if I hear a little more I'll consider it, love."

Spike squeezed Nikki's arms—crunched her bones so she would answer.

"I ain't your love!" Nikki spat.

Faith could actually smile. At least Nikki was fighting.

"Like hell you're not. I've been watchin' you and you've had the itch for a while," Spike's tongue came out to lick his lips, "You know you're tired of it or else you'd never go chasing a known Slayer killer into the scary dark tunnels all by your lonesome. Would you?"

"No," Faith said, "That's not true. She just thought she could take you. She didn't want to die."

Faith had gone back to being not heard, but she still had to say something. Still, Faith knew she was nothing, nobody in this fight.

"If I admit it. If I tell you I'm nothing, nobody in this fight, and that I know all you evil motha fuckers are gonna win, will you let me go?" Nikki asked.

"Only one way to find out," Spike said.

"No! Don't give him what he wants!" Faith yelled.

"I've known I was on the sucker side for years," Nikki said, "Ever since my man was killed. There was never a better man than him. All he'd been through. It would've made the devil pale, but he still managed to stay good. Fight the fight. I know if he could get killed by those mother fuckers-- all my power means nothin'. I've always known the Mission was already lost."

Faith was almost glad when Spike started to laugh. It rang in her head and made this all seem fuzzy. Fake. It drowned out the sound of her own painful breath.

"A dead boyfriend," Spike said, "How incredibly boring. Maybe if you tell me why you've kept going and lived to be the ripe old age you are I'll be interested enough to keep listening."

"You know why I keep going. You've seen him. My son. Robin, and if you touch him--"

"Yeah, you care about the boy so much you followed a creature you loathe down to your death trap. As much as I'd love to feed your brat to Drusilla I can't. It was part of the deal."

"Deal?"

"That's right, sweet heart. You're Watcher's dear old dad sold you out. He seems to want your boy much more than you. He told me how to get to you. He just gave me some pointers on your weak spots. I did all the work myself, mind you. You're not like that Slayer Dru says I can't count as a kill 'cause I had too much help from that ol' demon what's-his-name. That woman is so hard to please. Sometimes I just wanna give up. I know I don't have to explain that one to you."

"My Watcher will never let his bastard father get my son!" Nikki said.

"Well, I hope for his sake you're right. I really don't like that bloke. He'd turn your son into a snob that wouldn't know what an amazing, hot, mother he had. But, that's what you really wanted all along? Isn't it? You tell yourself he'd have a better life without you, but it's all bullocks you just want to be free." Spike said coyly.

"Please," Nikki said, "Please, let me get back to my son."

"A mother that would rather die than live to be free from her son," Spike's voice seemed to grow dark for a second but then went back to the mocking tone, "I think I'd cry, if I cared at all. Oh, who am I kidding? I do care because it's a bloody laugh riot."

"You bastard!" Faith yelled.

"William…Spike. You have to let me get back to my son. Think of the stories you can tell," Nikki said calmly.

"Yeah," Spike said, "But none of them would be as good as killing a begging Slayer."

"No!" Faith yelled.

She ran to stop Spike from breaking Nikki's neck even though she knew she was invisible again. She couldn't stop herself.

"How do you like me now, baby," Spike was grinning as his face hung over her.

Still think I'm worth dying for?"

Faith was in Nikki's place under him. She brought her knee up to his balls as hard as she could.

"That's what I thought," he smiled before he curled up in pain and grunted.

"Now get outta my head," he said his voice strained in pain, "Let me rest in peace."

"Yeah 'cause this is you at peace," Faith felt her voice rumble out of her as she stood above him as he was curled up in that I just-got-hit-in-the-balls-ball.

"Living everything that ever hurt you over and over. I may not know how to get you out of it, but I know what that's like. Just when you think you can't relive any more painful shit that was done to you-- you start reliving the times that you hurt others. It's Hell, and I won't let you stay in it."

He turned away from her as she tried to look at him.

"Maybe B isn't around anymore to make you do good, and I'm more the kind of chick that inspires you to kill and hit things," Faith said, "It doesn't matter that I bring out the worst in you and you can hate me all you want. The thing is there was always good in you, Spike. No matter how much bad there was. And you never needed me or B or any chick to bring it out. So, I may be too stupid to know how to pep talk you out of this, but it doesn't matter. You know you belong in the real world now, fighting the good fight."

"You're right," he said looking up at her from the floor, "You are completely stupid. I don't hate you. I love you more than you could ever get. That's why I want you gone. You're right about one more thing. Buffy would never bullocks this up because she would know better than to come down here into the mind of a man like me. She wouldn't risk herself, not for me and not for Angel because deep down she knows the kind of men we are."

"You and Angel are Champions. You came back from the worst evil to do good, and you're the only one out of all of us that wasn't chosen--you chose it," Faith said.

"No!" Spike said jumping up and wrapping his hands around her neck, "Don't you see? What more do I bloody have to show you? This is the kind of man I am. This is what I do. This is what I'm good at."

He tightened his grip around her throat until she choked.

"Maybe if I kill you here you'll wake up. Sure, I should have seen it before," his voice was shaking along with his hands and his hands were loosening, "I'll do it. It's easy. I can do it. I'll kill you to make you live and—and I'll stay in my head so I can't hurt you anymore. You'll be free. All I have to do is…"

"Spike," was all Faith could say as his hands rested limply on her shoulders as he cried. She took her hands from his arms where she had been trying to push off his grip. Before she could put her arms around them he stepped back swallowing his sobs. He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked down revealing his bleached spikes. He was going to be so pissed they shaved his head when he woke up. He looked up at her with his hands still in his pockets. Thanks to the fact that they were in dream-land his eyeliner wasn't running, but he looked like he was a kid trying to be a punk.

"I did always have it over Angelus. I am the true artist. I destroy the things I love. Haven't you learned yet? Every woman I ever loved I ended up destroying. Accept for Dru because she was already destroyed. Maybe that was why I could be evil and love her the way that I did. It was a selfish love; I used to think that was all there was. Then, I tried to destroy myself for Buffy. Sure, I said it was for the world, but it was what she wanted, but it didn't take. Now, I never loved anyone the way I love you. I've never seen anyone try so hard to do what's right and still not want to be free of a man like me, and that's why I have to stay here in my head to protect you from me, even if it's not what we want. You know you don't belong here with me. Because we know I'll hurt you again. I hurt and I kill. It's my nature."

"You think I'm the fucking stupid one! If I belong anywhere it's here with you. I'm just like you. I fuck up. I hurt people; I kill people because I can't see what else I can do. But, no matter how much I fuck up I'll do anything to get it back to good again. You're sayin' you'll hurt me? I just nailed you in the balls for something you did before I was born. I know it's just magic-in-your-head land, but you probably won't be able to have kids after that. Maybe we'll hurt each other all the time, but I don't care as long as we come through in the end."

"Doesn't hurt much," he sniffed and adjusted his balls, frowned, and then gave her a little smile, "Besides vampires can't have rugrats anyway. Thank god for small favors. Imagine the father I'd make? Well, I wouldn't bullocks it as bad as Angel. How's Connor anyway? I bet he's beside himself that you're doing such dangerous magic."

"Connor is cool," Faith said, "He knows I gotta do what I gotta do."

"Yeah, 'cause you really must risk yourself for pathetic weepy creatures like me," Spike scowled, "You made it very clear that you don't want me in the real world and now you've come inside me and seen all the worst I have to offer. So, you really must have me out there with you."

"Yeah, u-huh," Faith said, "So are you coming with me willingly or do I drag you out?"

"Hello," he laughed, "None of this is real. We're in my head. You can't make me come with you."

He strutted up to her with bleached blond teased hair, black lined eyes and that chin out smile that made his cheeks look sharp and nasty. But something about his face was soft no matter how much he tried to hide it. Even with the punk get-up he looked like the Spike she knew.

"I know Slayers can be very literal but for one that messes with the magics as much as you do you'd think you'd know more. But, I guess you'll always just be the physical type no matter how much experience you get."

He smiled in satisfaction. The sharp smile—chin-out waiting to be hit.

"You are such a dick," she said as she grabbed a handful of his nylon vest and safety pins.

"And you're so right," Faith said and kissed him full on the mouth, which opened in surprise and then started giving back as good as it got.

"A girl's gotta stick to what she knows how to do best," she said pushing him back by the nylon and safety pins against the subway door.

She noticed the subway was moving. Maybe it never stopped. She hadn't exactly been paying attention. She was pretty sure it hadn't been racing and rumbling like it was now.

"There's a way I can make you come with me with all my literal mad skillz," she said, unable to stop the big achy grin that came to her face, "Now let's take this metaphoric train through some tunnels. Give me some poetry, metaphor boy."

She kissed him with all she had and started climbing his body like a subway poll. He kissed back hungrily now. She got her hands under the nylon vest and heard the safety pins pop open as she ripped it off.

"Oops," she said after their lips broke apart with a smack, "I liked that. We'll have to go to Hot Topic and get you another one."

"That was an original. Bloody Hot Topic knows nothing about that," he said and then he went to work on her neck.

"Yeah, you're the real thing, baby. The original punk rock," Faith shut her eyes as Spike pushed her into the subway doors with his whole body, "You're the real deal and so is this."

He slid her up the subway doors as he attacked her neck with his lips. She loosened her legs around his waist enough to open his pants. She smiled when his huge English sausage sprung out like it was in tight pants jail. That never got old. She saw him smiling too and it was that wicked smile he had when they had been fighting but his eyes looked different. They were embers. She had to laugh for thinking of that word, knowing soon she wouldn't be thinking of anything but the rock 'em sock 'em.

"No, this isn't real," Spike frowned suddenly and lowered her back to the floor, "This may feel bloody good, but this isn't what you really want. I'm not the kind of man you want and you know it. You left me. You left me because I hurt--"

"I know we're in your head and all, but you think too much," Faith said as she rapped her arms around him. She licked up his neck.

"This retro-look may serve you well, but I don't want you to think about the past anymore. I want you to live in the now. I want you now. I came here to take you now, and I will have you now."

He let out a whimper and his eyes rolled back in his head and she simultaneously ground into him and lowered him to the floor. Yeah, there were all kinds of things she could miss her Slayer strength for when she woke up, but she had it now in Spike's head. That was all that mattered.

"No, Faith," Spike whispered with his eyes still closed and his hands on her tits, "I—I can't keep you here. Every minute you're under this spell is bringing you closer to death."

"Sounds like a relationship to me," Faith said as she pawed her way down his chest, "Now who's the tease?"

"You know how weak I am," he said in between deep breaths, "A man that does nothing but talk. You've seen it all now. You know how it works. You have to be the one to go…to free yourself."

"Again this proves you're the stupid one," she said holding his face, "I've seen it all yeah. Everything you went through, and you may've talked a lot but that was just so you could do it all. You make shit happen with all the words."

"I—"

"You talked your way into doing shit that was impossible," she said grabbing his lips and kissed him.

"Whether it was killing Slayers alone," she kissed him again.

"Getting a soul."

She kissed him

"Or talking down The First Evil and dying to save the world."

She kissed him. This kissing him after every sentence thing was really helping to shut him up so she could win. She'd have to remember this for later.

"I'd love to hear how you talked the real power into letting you rise up from the dead. That musta been poetic."

"It was all nothing but selfish rubbish!" he said fighting off her next kiss.

Damn that was two sentences. She should have known she couldn't distract him that long.

"You want to know what I was doing before those damned Watchers and that bitch tried to make me kill you? I found that man that hurt you when you were just a girl and I tortured him and I killed him. I said it was all for you, but it was really only for me because you left me. Now does that sound poet---"

"Shhhhh," Faith bent down to his ear and started nibbling it.

She would have just told him to shut-up, but he was getting all weepy again and the soothing sex thing really seemed to calm him. He wrapped his arms around her and groaned.

"We'll have plenty of time to talk about what a bad boy you've been out in the real world when we get there," she told him as she leaned back again, "But, for now we're not there we're here and I want to make you come with me."

She opened her pants and pulled them down.

"There's a hole," Spike said

"Uh, yeah," she said and caressed his face, "We may be in dream sex magic land, but we still need that. Maybe you are a little brain damaged. It's okay; I'll walk you through it."

"No," he rolled his eyes and sat up so she was in his lap, "There's a hole—a portal. It's prolly a way out of my head."

He turned her head to the left and she saw a little swirly grey and black hole that was in front of the subway seats. It had a clear ring around it that made it look like the puke yellow and orange subway seats were being sucked into it—erased. Faith saw it get bigger and bigger and make a sucking sound that sounded like something a doctor would use at the free clinic. That made Faith want to turn away from it and back to Spike's face that looked at it peacefully.

"I wouldn't bet on that. Maybe it's some new neurosis of yours we gotta deal with," Faith said.

"You really don't know much about the magics," he sighed and smiled, "That's an escape inter-dimensional transcendental portal if I ever saw one."

"Well, excuse me. Mr. Wizard," she said, "but I---"

"Is it working, did you do it? What's happening?" a voice demanded from the hole.

"Connor?" Faith said out loud. It sounded like him.

"I think she said my name," Faith could hear Connor gasp; "It's me, Faith. Now wake-up! You have to wake up."

"You heard the boy," Spike said, "Time to wake up."

"I totally agree" Faith said, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours. You gotta wake-up too."

"I don't think it works that way," Spike said.

"It doesn't work that way," a really angry English voice that came from the hole said, "If there's any chance of this working at all you can't distract us."

Wes.

"Your Watcher," Spike smiled, "He may put you in idiotic dangerous mind-spells that I like to beat him for but at least he does what it takes to get you out."

"No one puts me in these things but me, Spike" Faith said, "and Wes didn't even know about this. It was---"

"Are the two of you deaf?" an angry female voice said that sounded like Willow's, "You are going to ruin everything if you don't get out of here!"

"Is that Willow?" Faith said, "She sounds like such a bitch."

"When you mess with the magics demons come out," Spike said simply, "Now you have to get out of here."

Before Faith could respond she heard a voice that made her chest tighten—Kennedy.

"Honey, you don't know what you're saying," Kennedy said, "You want Connor out of here-- he's gone, but I can't leave. You need me to keep you balanced."

"Go, Faith," Spike said softly as he stood the two of them up together.

"Ha!" Willow's voice said to Kennedy, "You're the last thing I need right now. Get out of here."

"Only if we go together," Faith said to Spike.

"The spell is just for you," Spike said,

"You do need me," Kennedy said to Willow, "You just aren't thinking straight. I can see your eyes are turning black."

"I'll show you black eyes if you don't get out of here. It's you, Kennedy, you and Angel's girlie looking kid. You are messing up this spell with all your boo-hoo negative energy because you know your stupid skanky friend is dying. You think it'll be all my fault if she dies, won't you? You just thought I could bring her back 1, 2, 3! You always all blame me," Willow said.

"Willow, no," Kennedy said in an even tone that Faith gave her a lot of credit for, "None of this is your fault, but I know you can do this. You just have to focus."

"What's the matter with her? Is she turning evil?" Connor voice asked, "Could that hurt Faith? Make her stop. Wesley can do it by himself."

"We don't have time for that," Wes's voice said, "Just like we don't have time for you and your emotion setting off this delicate spell. You have to leave."

"I'm not leaving her," Connor said.

"You heard him," Spike said, "He won't leave you. Now go."

"No," Faith said, "I won't leave you like everyone else did. I can't."

"You don't know what it's like to try to bring her mind back into her skanky body. I can feel it all—all her pain. Those holes they ripped in her that she made pointy like weapons. They stab at your will to live. I can't--" Willow's voice yelled.

"You can," Kennedy's voice said, "You can Willow, and I'll be here for you through it all."

"Go now, Faith," Spike said to her, "Your cavalry's come."

"Yeah," Faith snorted, "Like I'm going back to that. Everyone's fighting 'cause of me. I don't want a cavalry. When I was a loner I could just do what I had to do without worrying. Now every time I get a scratch I have to worry about how everyone will take it. Not only that, I have to worry about how their girlfriends and their fathers and their grandfathers and their dead enemies kids will take them taking it."

"Sounds like relationships to me," Spike said.

"Can you blame a girl for wanting to live inside your head until stuff gets less complicated?" Faith asked.

"No," Spike said, "You'll always be in my head, in my heart, in my soul, in my blood. No matter what."

"Now you're catching on with the poetry," she smiled.

Faith kissed him and she could still here the sound of familiar voices from the swirling grey whole, but it was getting weaker.

"Yeah," Spike said, "Can we keep the poetry thing between us?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way," she smiled, "There's gonna be a lot of stuff just between us for awhile until we find a way to get us both out of your head. For now I figure we can have that metaphor of trains going through tunnels. The train is always in the tunnel when it's a subway, isn't it?"

She had jumped on him again and kissed him.

"Yeah," he said walking forward with her in his arms, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she said, "I think we just found the best metaphor a mind-walk can have."

"Not for that," he said smiling and then his face grew very still, "For this. I'm sorry."

Faith could hear Wes's voice very clearly now.

"The orb of Rah-Tah is glowing," he said, "That means Faith's consciousness is in the portal. You only have to keep it open a moment longer."

Before Faith could even think about what that meant she felt Spike throwing her and instead of bouncing off a subway wall she felt like she was resin smoke being sucked through a grey pipe. Everything was full of grey and her ears were rumbling. That bastard through her in the hole! Spike threw her in the hole when she'd been offering sex. Faith suddenly wished he had been a prison guard or a real punk, or a murderer, anything but a Champion that would throw her in a hole when she was about to rock his world. Leave it to her to end up with the most devious Champ. Now Faith felt a heaviness she couldn't even describe. Her ass, her hips, her back were hit with something hard and all encompassing. Wow, being in Spike's memory and hearing all that tight-ass English helped her vocabulary. Now her head slammed down on the all encompassing hard thing. That would be the floor, Faithy, her own voice said to her as she opened her eyes. She forgot her real body had been floating in that magic circle and now it was crashed--literally. Maybe she could learn new words, but she was no genius.

Was her body always this heavy? She shut her eyes and let her head fall to the floor. She could feel herself slipping into sleep. All she could think about was when she saw Spike again she was going to belt him as hard as she could. She could feel her fingers turn to fists even though they felt thick and heavy. How dare he make her...

"Wake up, Faith!" an English voice yelled.

Wes. So, he brought her out of Spike's brain, not Willow. When would these Brit boys let her make her own decisions? Something shook Faith and her bowling-ball head bounced.

Before Faith knew it her fist was connecting with the suck-ass thing that was shaking her. Only it wasn't a satisfying crunch her fist hurt and Faith could tell it hit face. Her eyes flew open.

"Wes!" Faith gasped.

Great, she just hit Wes as hard as she could. If only she had Slayer power it would be like the old-school days. Who was she kidding when had things really changed?

"Wes, do you have memory damage? I don't want your help. I said things were even between us after you screwed Spike over. You know neither of us has really changed and we only have room for one fuck-up here," Faith said and her voice was so croaky she wondered if anyone heard.

Great, she was back in a world where no one could hear her. Faith saw a white steady moving blur followed by a big black mass. What were they? More magic holes? Faith couldn't take anymore damn magic holes. Even with all the familiar pain of waking up out of a coma, she was most upset her own magic hole didn't get filled by Spike. Then the thing that Faith thought was a little white fuzzy magic hole started talking:

"The Mystical Department just told me what you all were doing. I can't believe you would do this…"

Fred. Faith recognized the white fuzzy little thing was Fred the waif wiz. She sounded stressed. Then Faith felt stressed—literally. Something was hitting her face. It was Wes's fist.

"Would somebody like to tell me what's going on here?" the big black mass that came in behind Fred said.

Oh no. It was Angel. He wasn't gonna be happy that Faith was messing around with magic to save Spike in his town—his company—without telling him.

"Wesley, what's wrong with you?" Fred demanded, "Tell me you just didn't hit Faith after putting into another dangerous Spell!"

Faith had hit Wes first. It was just a reflex. He didn't mean to do it. It actually helped her wake up, even though it hurt like hell.

"Faith chose to do this spell, just like she chose to do the others. I only found out about this one when it started to go wrong. I helped pull her out. As far as hitting her, she struck me and it was a reflex," Wes said in that stony Brit-misery tone, "Fred, I killed one man for trying to give you a fate worse than death. I'm not a---"

"Asshole!" Connor yelled and Faith saw him grab Wes, "I'll kill you!"

"No one is killing anyone as long as everyone tells me what's going on. Right now," Angel said stepping in between Wes and Connor.

"Yeah, I'll just hit him a little," Kennedy said and crouched down to Faith's side "God, Faith! Are you all right? Say something!"

Faith took Kennedy's hand up and it felt like she could feel the whole world spin. Before she could open her mouth Angel and Connor were getting into an argument about which one of them was more clueless. Then, Fred and Wes seemed to get into something like a college debate because Faith heard phrases like "power and responsibility" and "ethics" being used. Faith had never been to a college debate, but she was sure they didn't get this pissy with both people storming out. Faith noticed Wes looked really stressed. He was all scraggly in an exhausted-not-sexy way. Faith really hoped he didn't hear her call him a fuck up that hadn't changed.

"Oh god!" a chick said and Faith realized it was Willow, but not the strong bitchy Willow Faith had heard just a minute ago.

Willow put Wes's stress-look to total shame. Her hair looked dull-red, like she just washed a bad Goth-black dye job out of it, and she looked like she could have Goth make-up on too, only the paleness and dark rings were natural. Willow looked how Faith felt.

"I can't do this anymore! I just can't! There are all these lies and Buffy's not here. Spike was right. This place is evil. It's not a safe place to do good magic. It—it has to be this place or maybe it's you," Willow turned to Faith, "Your mind made me go dark."

"Willow!" Kennedy said, "Don't say that. Faith doesn't need to hear that after what she went through."

"Yeah," Connor said, "It was Faith that went through it, not you. Don't blame Faith if you can't handle your own magic. Dawn did some healing spells for Faith and she didn't have to turn into a bitch to do it."

"Don't talk to her like that!" Kennedy snapped, "You don't get magic at all. Willow went through something too and who do you think taught Dawn those spells? Without Willow none of this would be possible."

"No," Willow said, "He's right. I'm slipping. I'm losing my balance. Those things I said to you, Kennedy. I never did that before. How can you even look at me?"

Willow seemed to decide she was the one that didn't feel like looking at anyone now and she bolted out of the room.

"Willow, wait!" Kennedy called and turned to Faith, "I have to go after her. Just say something so I know you're okay."

"Yep," Faith chuckled, "I'm back in the world where drama has no intermission."

"I knew you'd be okay," Kennedy said and let her hand linger on her shoulder before she ran off to find Willow.

"I AM okay," Faith said to the matching wide concerned puppy dog eyes of Connor and Angel.

She was sure her jaw would bruise from Wes's hit, but it wasn't broken. No trauma.

"Are you sure? Dawn's working on some more healing spells. They aren't dangerous like—like real magic, but they should help," Connor said.

"Great," Angel said, "Now when were you going to tell me about this?"

"Sorry," Faith said, "but you already have so much on your plate, and what could you do anyway? Spike and you may have more history, but he and I don't try to kill each other, at least not for real, and we have the whole kindred thing going. And I did risk myself with a mind-walk for another Champ and that worked out okay."

"Fair enough," Angel smiled a little.

"So," Faith gave a good casual sigh, "We know I'm okay. Does anyone know anything about Spike?"

* * *

It had to be the longest hallway designed by man. Faith hated it here. The section of Wolfram and Hart she had been in was hospital- like, but this place seemed lab-like. Faith expected to see alien babies in glass jars. Instead she got to the end of the hallway and went to a room and saw Spike. In a bed. With tubes in him. Faith just stared at him. His shaved head. His closed eyes. His stillness. It was wrong. She stared until she could feel a pair of eyes staring at her. She found Connor's eyes and he looked away.

"I told you," Connor said to Angel, "I told you she wouldn't like this. She'd want him to be awake, to walk around, to have people try to talk to him. Maybe if they talk to him enough…"

"We're still tryin' that. Don't think we've given that up," a perky voice said.

It was Fred the wonder-waif again. She looked a lot more in focus than the last time Faith saw her. She was checking charts and reading things.

"But you haven't gotten through, have you? The spell I did made no difference," Faith said.

"No, but I'm sure I'll think a' something. It helps that he's a vampire. His body can take a lot. I mean…I didn't mean it like that…I mean---"

"All these tubes and things that go in him," Faith said, "You decide what goes in him and how much and if it's working?"

"I do," Fred said, "We aren't doing anything to hurt him. I can go through each thing and explain it all real easy. I'll make it so you can sign off on every idea."

"No," Faith shook her head, "You know what you're doing more than I ever could. It would just go in one ear and out the other."

"Well, please let me know if there's anything you want me to do," Fred said.

"There is," Faith said, "I want you to forgive Wes. I found out what all the beef was about and I know he killed a guy for you. I know that probably makes you feel like shit every time you see Wes because you think: 'Damn, I made this guy kill someone. What other fucked up shit will he do for me? I don't wanna deal with that.' Well, you probably don't curse but that's probably the gist. I could talk about how Wes was right to kill the guy because he was going to turn your body into a host for some goddess. What kind of goddess needs a host? That's like a parasite, right?"

When Fred didn't answer Faith kept going.

"Anyway, I could say Wes was right to kill the guy. But he was probably wrong, but he did it because he's crazy about you, not because he's a killer or you made him one. You're one of those nurturing chicks. I know you probably can't ever get wanting to kill someone, but bad asses like us need mother earth heroes like you. Even if we do really stupid shit—wrong shit—for people we care about or maybe because we do it. I dunno. I just know you should forgive Wes."

"I curse sometimes," Fred said "And I do get---Wesley did more than kill Knox. We have a whole history and--and-- He allowed Spike to be captured. He hit you in the face and he--"

"There are far greater heroes than Wes that let Spike be captured by the bad guys and hit me in the face. Still Wes is one of the best. If you're too freaked out to get your freak on with him because he's so into you, that's your business. Just don't use his mistakes in the game as an excuse to push his piece away from you."

Fred was silent. Smart girls got quiet when you wanted them to talk a lot. Faith didn't think Willow was talking to anyone still. Suddenly, she realized Fred was watching her, and then she realized Fred was watching her touch Spike. She liked to touch his arms without realizing it. Faith was thankful Angel ended the awkward silence.

"It was my idea that he sleep most of the time," he said, "Fred found a way to drowned out him reliving all his bad memories, but he has to sleep for that. If you want we could---"

"No, you're right. He needs to rest in peace," Faith said.

To be continued…


	14. Chapter 14

Title: More or Less: Love is Like Falling

It was now or never. They had already spent too much time idling and mourning. She knew she had to give everyone their space. Nothing had worked out the way anyone had hoped. They had tried their hardest and they had failed. Still, she was never very good at just sitting still. The days here in all this misery covered with LA poshness seemed like months. If there was one thing she knew it was that you had to keep moving in battle even when you had losses. If there was another thing she knew it was that you had to confront even when you were afraid of losing; especially when you were afraid of losing. If there was one thing she hated it was losing.

"Willow, wake up," Kennedy said as she stared down at a rumple of fashionable striped sheets, blankets, autumn red hair and the slender curve of an ass.

"Leamme 'lone," the rumple muttered and the ass curve jerked.

"You're going to have to do better than that. It's four in the afternoon, Red. You can't sleep here anymore." Kennedy said.

"Did Angel say we have to leave?" Willow rolled over to reveal that she had a face, but her body was still lost in the sheets.

"Oh," Kennedy said as she sat on the bed, "You'd move for the CEO vampire and not for me. I 'm sure he's off being a superhero in his super-jet. I'm the one who cares where and when you sleep."

"If you care about it, you'll go away and let me do it," Willow said.

Kennedy did care about when and where everyone was sleeping these days. She had been letting Willow sleep alone in the Wolfram and Hart suite after her latest spell went a little rocky. Kennedy had been sleeping in Faith's Wolfram and Hart suite. It wasn't as if Faith was sleeping there; Faith was sleeping by the bedside of Spike, who did nothing but sleep in his Wolfram and Hart hospital coma bed now. It was time that those of them that could wake up did.

"That's all you've got," Kennedy said to Willow "No cute little magic bubble to keep me away? Just uncharacteristic terseness? Well, either you finally realized your powers are useless against me or you're not really that upset."

"I wish my powers were just useless. They're dangerous. Faith isn't like Buffy when I try to do spells with her energy…It doesn't matter I'm quitting magic totally. From now on I'm just a girl."

"You're a woman," Kennedy said, "And as one woman to another let me say giving up your power is a great idea. Especially since Faith gave up her power for a guy that went all testosterone vengeance with his. Big surprise, and ended up in a coma. Maybe we could just have this shady law firm just take over the whole mission while we bake cookies," Kennedy said.

"It's working for Angel," " Willow shrugged and revealed her cow pajama shoulders.

"Yeah, I can see him as the baking type. By the way this is all sarcasm, which I know you've worked on understanding," Kennedy said, "Maybe this place lends a hand with its books and vamp hospital equipment and Ethan Allen decorated rooms. But I can't help but see when they lend us a hand they are usually pulling us out of ditches they dug."

"Well, then I guess Wolfram and Hart and I are a lot alike," Willow said, "I'm a one woman ditch digging morally ambiguous corporation. Only I'm not as good as they are at the pulling people out part."

"Willow, you are not morally ambiguous," Kennedy said.

"Hello, flayed a guy alive, tried to destroy the world once," Willow said.

"Hello, saved the world and your friends how many times," Kennedy said.

"I've saved my friends from nothing! I couldn't save Spike. I would have killed Faith trying if Wes hadn't helped. And don't get me started on how I let down my real friends, Xander with one eye and Buffy... Not that Faith isn't my real friend, or that Spike isn't…Oh God! What if I don't think of them as real friends and that's why my spells didn't work? Maybe deep down I'm still mad at them for all the attempted killing and that's why I turn into a bitch when I do spells for them," Willow gasped as her turned up little nose flared.

"'Hi, I'm Willow'" Willow muttered mockingly to herself, "'I can mess up and hurt my friends and try to destroy the world, but if you put a bottle or a knife in my face I'll never forgive you. Okay, maybe you did more than put a sharp thing in my face. Maybe you came and took more than your share of my people when you were evil and now you're still doing it. But now you're good and I'm just---"

"Okay," Kennedy said as she grabbed Willow's fuzzy cow pajama shoulder, "I'm glad your getting back to your old self, but the rambling is only cute when you aren't beating yourself up. "

"Old self?" Willow scoffed and Kennedy was surprised at her bitterness and how she pulled away, "I haven't been my old self in years. Not since…You don't know anything about magic if you really understood about it—about me—you'd want me to give it up too."

"You can sit here and feel sorry for yourself all you want and glorify the good old days with your various blonds, but don't ever say that I don't know you or how amazing and powerful you are," Kennedy could feel her chest sinking on the inside. This only made her puff it out on the outside.

"I may not know a pentagram from a solstice but I know everything about your magic, Willow Rosenberg. I've sat with you through every spell whether it turned you into a nasty looking guy or sucked the life out of me," Kennedy said.

"That was because you got off on it! You knew if I could take power away from you that I could also give it. I gave you the only thing you ever really wanted---to become a Slayer…Only I didn't do that right either, girls died, and I had to retract the spell. Maybe you're just hanging around hoping I'll make a Slayer out of you again. "

"So, that's how you think it is? The Goddess giveth and then she taketh away?" Kennedy was angry too now, but she couldn't help but smile, "For someone having a pity party you are really high on yourself. I was the one that had the Potential, baby."

"And I brought it out! Without me you'd be nothing—dead!"

"Yeah, now you're getting the point, and without me you wouldn't have been able to do the spells you've done. You're the yin and I'm the yang."

"No! You have no clue about my darkness, what I can do. What I want to do right now because you won't leave me alone! You're nothing but a naïve over grown brat!"

"Whoa! Maybe I'm an over-grown brat, but there's nothing naïve about me when it comes to you. That's your department. You think you can hurt me with magic anymore than you hurt me with this shit you pull about us?"

"If you don't leave I know I'd like to try," Willow said.

They both stood now. Willow in her fuzzy cow print pajamas, bare feet, and mussed dark red hair that fell to her shoulders. Kennedy and her retro 80s casual look of acid washed dark jeans. She knew she probably had her "bitch gypsy look" on. Don't put a curse on me, Spike would say. Kennedy wasn't the one who could do any of that, that was Willow. Kennedy was just the one that had to make sure Willow didn't give up.

"Okay, Miss Magna Cum Loud, hit me with your best shot," Kennedy said

"Fine," Willow said with her pointy little face pinched in anger, but her eyes were too chestnut and wide for her to be really mad.

Suddenly, Kennedy was floating off the ground. She laughed. This was supposed to scare her? She felt a warm sensation wrap all around her at once. It only felt freaky for a second. Then Kennedy realized that Willow was making it feel like she was being touched. Kennedy could feel Willow's slender long fingers tracing her lightly everywhere on her skin. She let out a breath as at least eight Willow hands caressed her. She laid back or really Willow laid her back on air. Then Kennedy could feel two more Willow hands caressing her face. When two more began needing her breasts she lost count. She was weightless with the gentle shy touch of her goddess everywhere at once. Kennedy moaned and laughed as she felt what seemed like a mouth on her neck as she floated two feet away from her girlfriend.

She gasped suddenly and her head spun, and it had only little to do with the fact that she felt her body being pulled straight up while it still floated in the air. While Willow was pulling her up straight she thrust a cool light touch inside her.

Kennedy forced her eyes open to see her girl just standing there with folded arms and that smug little grin she gets where her lower lip sticks out a bit. She was making her point. She could be cold and mean and bring Kennedy to the brink of ecstasy without even really touching her. She could just make it seem like she was touching Kennedy and not really be there at all. And she could do this in fuzzy cow pajamas and stringy unwashed hair and look as beautiful as a Boticelli figure minus twenty pounds.

"Is this what you like?" Willow said, "Is this what you think magic is-- a bunch of tricks?"

"Oh yeah," Kennedy moaned as she reached out to grab a hold of Willow.  
Willow walked forward with slow deliberation. When Kennedy could almost touch her, Willow pushed her up against the wall with using nothing but magical force and phantom hands as her real ones stayed in her folded arms.

"But, it's not the magic, Red. It's you," Kennedy said after panting a little as the phantom hands seem to rest inside her, "You think this is anything new? You rock my world, but you don't ever let me touch you. And now you're just using magic as an excuse to be all out and bitchy and literal about it. You're magic---"

"Shut-up," Willow said simply and jerked her magic inside Kennedy quickly and suddenly.  
Kennedy stiffled a little shreiky cat-like noise that came from Willow's touch and escaped out her own throat.

"Is this what you want? Bitchy, literal and out. You say I'm the goddess, but it sounds like you want to make me in your image."

"No, it's all you, baby," Kennedy whispered as she felt weak with desire.

"And what an image it is," Willow continued, "I certainly haven't gotten bored looking at it these past couple of years."

Kennedy felt her black and white striped retro shirt tear off of her—literally. Then, she felt her bra and jeans come undone. She didn't know if her clothes floated away or just fell. They could have melted or turned into doves for all she knew. She was too busy trying to get to Willow hungrily but Willow's force held her to the wall.

"Maybe you've done something up until now to keep me balanced in this whole magic thing, but you have no idea just how crazy you make me with everything else," Willow said.

Kennedy moaned and grunted and it seemed each noise she made had her float up the wall a little further. Willow's phantom touch was just as accurate as she was but the many hands were much less shy when it came to teasing her insides with long caresses and then going in for the hard and fast kill. Kennedy felt her ass and her hair being grabbed at and squeezed while she was also being caressed. Then, all the touching inside and outside seemed to become an electric pleasure buzz. It was like every part of her body was being squeezed, caressed and milked for pleasure.

She knew Willow wanted her in every way and for once she wasn't holding back. She was ravaging Kennedy, the way Kennedy ravaged her. But, Willow was doing it in her way. The way only a woman like Willow could and it was fucking amazing.

"Oh yeah, you like this," Willow said, "Like hearing what you do to me."

"Yeah," Kennedy grunted as she slid up the wall some more, "Talk to me."

"Say please," Willow said in that resolve tone that she let out rarely.

"Please, my goddess. Please talk to me," Kennedy said in a moan.

"Okay, since you said please," Willow said.

Only Willow's voice wasn't being spoken it was in Kennedy's head. It buzzed through her body with the rest of the buzz that went through Kennedy. Only she could hear Willow's real voice, her voice of confidence and control that she hid from the world.

"I wanted you so bad at first and I thought it was because the world was ending and, you know, that tongue stud. It wasn't supposed to last, but I wanted deep inside of you. I wanted to lap up all that bratty-goodness."

This was Willow's real voice and it was only for Kennedy. She felt her body shutter with pleasure from deep within.

"Then it was supposed to be over. A big happy whoosh and then nothing—finally nothing. Only you're still here and you want everything when all I wanted was there to be nothing…But, now you made me still want you."

Kennedy let out whimpers as she felt the force dance deep inside her, lift her. She felt so light and weightless as her body now floated up the wall in soft waves of pleasure.

"I still want you all the time. I want to feel that little tongue stud wrapping ribbons around me at the end of everyday. I want to fuck you until you actually shut-up because I make you bite that dark pretty lip while I take care of all the other slippery dark pretty parts…"

Willow's voice was so calm and clear as it strutted around in the same rhythm that Kennedy was being "touched." She knew she wasn't really being touched at all, and she knew she was being touched by Willow like never before. Her ass and breasts were being kneaded like bread. All of her other "dark slippery pretty parts" were being caressed, pinched, teased and worked. She could feel all of her muscles working and gripping to all the changing rthymes Willow used on her. Kennedy let out a long guttural moan as every bit of pleasure was wrung out her at once and she felt her head hit the ceiling.

"Satisfied?" Willow asked coolly now as she really spoke.

She was panting as she lowered Kennedy down from the ceiling slowly. So, Willow did feel something too, but it wasn't anything like what Kennedy felt.

"No," Kennedy said.

"No?" Willow said and Kennedy sank towards the ground as quickly as her girlfriend's face.

But, Kennedy still seemed to float a few inches from the ground, which fit with the way she felt. With sex like that she was sure she'd be floating for days on end. The rest of the world could really see how good she had it. Who else had a girl that could make them float even after sex?

"I—I just did what you wanted," Willow said anxiously, "You dared me…You did it too! That floating thing was you, mostly. I made it happen, but I wouldn't have been able to if you didn't want…You're still floating now. You had to have liked it. I didn't…I was just—"

"Willow," Kennedy said tenderly to show her girl she wasn't scared and that there was nothing to be scared of.

She grabbed Willow's arm and pulled her to her. Willow let out a strangled sob as pressed her face a little under Kennedy's breasts as Kennedy still floated. She was still inches above the ground due to Willow's putting a mystical kink on her post-lovin' buzz. Kennedy wasn't stupid. Magic wasn't her thing, but she had picked up a little something about how it worked.

"Willow," Kennedy said, "It's okay."

Kennedy lifted Willow's body up to hers. She did this with her own strength and not Willow's magic. She may not have Slayer strength anymore but she had never been a weakling. Willow rapped her legs around Kennedy along with her arms so she was at Kennedy's float level. Kennedy kissed Willow's lip's as her face was scrunched up and crying.

"Now I'm almost totally satisfied," Kennedy said between tender kissing.

"Almost satisfied because you made me see I'm a major bitch?" Willow gasped as she pulled away from a kiss.

"No," Kennedy said as she adjusted Willow's weight on her, "Almost satisfied because I need to touch you too. You need to feel the heat of the steam you're blowing off on me in order to really get off. Wait until you see how high we get when I work my magic."

Kennedy may've been strong but she didn't have any working super powers. Willow was getting heavy, but soon she'd float herself.

"Let me go!" Willow yelled suddenly even though she was the one holding on to Kennedy, "This—this is wrong! You have no idea. You—You're the one that is supposed to keep me balanced and now you're---"

"Now I'm keeping you balanced on a new level. You can do anything with me, Willow, and you'll still be okay. There's nothing you can do with all that dark stuff I can't handle, even if the rest of the world can't. I love you," Kennedy said as Willow jumped away from her, "I think sometimes I get how all this magic stuff works better than you. Don't you see? Together we can fight anything, any darkness, even yours. Because no one's loved you like I do; no one sees your goddessness like me."

"No!" Willow yelped suddenly, "You don't know anything about my---magic. The only one who knew…Why are you pushing me? "

Kennedy suddenly was pushed back from her floating. She fell to the carpet with an ass-bruising thud. That was it. She had enough of this for now. Time for a break. She was now glad her clothes actually were on the floor and her shirt was torn but still wearable. She didn't know how or why Willow had stripped all of her clothes off but had left on her checkered van sneakers. That would be something to ask about when she was less pissed.

"Because you're the one that needs a push. You can push me away all you like," she said as she felt her forehead knot up at Willow's tear streaked demanding face, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm as stubborn as Hell. It's a Greek/Latino thing. But, we both know that all I can do is hang in there because it all comes down to you."

"I—I don't know if I can handle this relationship. I know we've been together awhile but we're so different---"

"You are such a girl," Kennedy said and laughed while she felt a little tear pull through her as she jumped into her jeans, "I'm not talking about you and me anymore. I'm talking about you and the gift you have and what you can do with it. What you need to do with it."

"Kennedy, I can't even—"

"You can't save everyone," Kennedy made sure to cut her off. Rambles about what was wrong weren't going to help, "Not even the people you really want to save. News flash-- no one can. Not even you. You think I have all the friends and lovers around me I thought I would? I may always get what I want but that doesn't mean I never lost it. I watched as my Watcher and my best friends died…"

"Oh my God, Kennedy! You never---"

"And then I was dragged to some one-horse town by some fired Watcher along with a bunch of brats to meet a bitchy Slayer who I heard was nothing but a self-centered vampire fucker."

"They said Buf—"

"But, then it was the brats and the bitch that all saved the day and I met the love of my life, remember?" Kennedy said, "So, sometimes stuff doesn't work out how you wanted, that doesn't mean you can't get something you want in the end. It doesn't mean you'll never win sometimes. It doesn't mean you can't have an awesome life. But, you have to believe, Willow. I can't do it all by myself."

Kennedy finished putting on her Van sneakers that she had to take off to get her jeans back on. She turned on her heel and walked out of the over-priced suite.

Kennedy was sure other great women in history had no idea how important they were, and they needed a guide, but sometimes Kennedy wished Willow was more like Scarlett O' Hara. There was a woman who knew how great she was. Of course, Scarlett would keep pushing Rhett away, so maybe Willow was like her.

"Kennedy!" Willow called out desperately.

Yep, sometimes Willow was so much like Scarlett with her red hair that flowed with her mood and of course her flare for the dramatic. She no longer had any tears in her eyes but her adorable elfish face didn't look as young as it strained to spit out something to make Kennedy do something else besides walk out.

"If you need something else besides what I'm giving you you'll have to get it yourself. Come and find me when you've figured it out," Kennedy said and left.

She wasn't going to help her Willow is depressed after the mind-walk spell with Spike and Faith failed to save Spike. Kennedy tries to rouse her Scarlett out of this one. It was something Willow would have to work out for herself.

TBC...More of Faith and sleeping beauty (Spike), Connor and others. Really soon! I Promise!


	15. Chapter 15

More or Less 15-- Debate

"So, I think I have this whole magic thing figured out," Faith's voice sounded tired in that smoky way. Too bad there was sadness under all that sexy smoke.

Connor could hear her voice clearly even though she was a long hallway away. He had to watch Faith, protect her, even though she said she was Connor's Watcher now. Connor wasn't too crazy about the whole "Watcher" concept, but he knew he needed Faith and Faith needed him, and not just because they were down a fighter. For the first time Connor had already been through what Faith was going through: Connor had spent his days talking to a comatose lover too, a lover that had once been as chatty as a Cathy doll and as strong as a god. Connor knew how Faith expected a lover like that to shake off a coma like a cold and he also knew that sometimes no amount of strength, desire, and need could make them do that.

"Magic is all about secrets," Faith said to the comatose Spike, "When I had my Slayer power removed to save your ass Crowley used all my secrets—my worst memories-- to drain my power out of me. I knew that spell was gonna be a bitch, but damn. Ol' Crowley was a master at using the demon in you to suck it outta you. I never knew that black magic was really about all the blackness in you. Powerful stuff that leaves you powerless."

Connor could hear her swallow back pain over Johnny Rotten singing about how he could be wrong or right out of the I-pod home station. Unlike Connor, Faith had brilliant ideas about what to do for a loved one in a mystical coma. She had gotten the Ipod home station so Spike could listen to a constant stream of old school punk with a little blues and jazz shuffled in. She also insisted on doing that whole magic-head-trip-thing into Spike's mind to try to wake him up. Connor never would have thought of that for Cordy's coma in a million years, and he was kind of glad he hadn't. It hadn't done any good, not at all. He thought he was going to be relieved when the spell was over and Faith was safe. But in typical magic fashion the effects kept going.

Faith now felt like she failed because the spell had. Willow had locked herself in some room and wasn't letting even Kennedy in due the fact that the spell turned her into a bitch. Magic-- the cause and cure for all problems in LA. Connor really wanted to get Faith out of Wolfram and Hart. He didn't think Spike would like her staying here. He knew he didn't. He didn't need Spike to tell him this place was no good. He wondered what Spike would say if he knew that Wolfram and Hart, with all their corporate Evil, was the only place that had the resources to keep him alive. Spike would probably say it proved the place was evil because he wouldn't want to be alive like this. Too bad it was also the only place that seemed to have any information about who—what—Connor was and what he may be. But, even with all the information in the world—literally—there seemed to be virtually nothing about what was changing in Connor.

Not that it looked like much had changed in the moment. Maybe he was wearing a hipper shirt— his Rubber Soul Beatles T. But, here he was again walking down some grand hall Angel owned. Again he was eavesdropping on how Faith was doing as a vampire she tried to die for was in a coma. Angel had changed the world with magic, but had he really?

"But, I digress," Faith said mockingly like she did whenever she used a big word.

Some things had changed. Faith was much different from when she came out of Angel's head. Instead of smiling and joking with pride she was doing it in pain. Connor really wished Spike had just woken up, but when did magic work right?

"Point is, I think I get that magic is all about secrets here. The face you hide—magic uses it for power—at least that's what the dark stuff does. Not sure about the light side of the force, but that doesn't matter. All people like us get is the dark shit-end-of-the-stick. Guess we're paying for past sins and all that shit," Faith said to Spike.

Some things wouldn't change . Faith could still stop Connor dead in his tracks by summing up his whole life in two sentences when he planned on being the one to tell her a thing or two. He reached the handle on the thick lab door with the thick glass window that no human could hear through. Though they probably could see this was one of those sterile white rooms where really unconscious people like Spike were kept.

Spike looked like any hospital person in any coma hooked up to wires and stuff. But, nothing was ever what it looked like, was it? Accept for Faith. She never looked like anything but what she was. She was beautiful with her exhausted simple covering of dark rings under her eyes, her arm-band tribal tattoo, and faded ribbed red tank top. Her stained glass brown eyes shined with misery of a lifetime of "getting the shit-end-of-the-stick." Her mouth twitched up into a defiant smile that told anyone that she was still all in the fight no matter what she was going to get out of it.

"I know what it's like to want to sleep," Faith said to the pale still body with stubble on its head that was Spike, "I saw all your secrets, the things about you that you never wanted anyone to see. Hate to tell you but all your big bad secrets are a little cliché. I mean, plays have been written about that thing that you went through with your mom. And B getting all fed up with you when you were too crazy? Who hasn't been through that? I totally did that first. You think you have something on me when it comes to shameful pasts? I have secrets so horrifying they' d shock the undead life back into you."

"You thought you knew them all, didn't you? You don't know as much as you think you do. I keep all the really horrible ones to myself. Even I have a reputation to uphold," Faith said.

Connor knew he should be the one to answer and to tell her to stop, but he couldn't seem to tell her either. He knew no matter what Faith said; no matter what horrible things she had done Connor wouldn't care. No complicated detail about how bad Faith had been could ever change how simply good Faith was. Connor knew that was the truth about her. Nothing she had to say next could change that.

"My first great ambition was to marry Joey McIntrye of the acclaimed 'New Kids.' Not that he would have me. I had the social skills of a mallet. I ran around in old dirty clothes and laughed the loudest at my own stupid mean jokes and then wondered why no one wanted to talk to me. Hmmm…Maybe that hasn' t changed much."

Faith lifted up her tank top and sniffed it. Connor almost laughed as Faith was laughing now. Maybe Faith was more like Dawn then he had ever thought. It was a relief to think she had once been a little kid that didn't have to know everything and she had silly hopes and dreams just like any other girl.

"I had bad teeth and glasses way higher on the geek scale than yours. They were the South Boston special style, held together with tape after they got smacked off my head," Faith said, "It was John who bought me laser surgery and braces. Remember him? The guy you killed for me that landed you here? So, he did do some good. He made me a hottie, but I always knew he was all bad. Guess you and I kinda paid the same price to get our sexy make-overs. I just gave my body over to someone when I was a little younger than you. Okay, a lot younger, but that's how it is for us girls."

Connor felt horror begin to creep in around him and then he was relieved to hear Faith laughing. She couldn't have been saying what Connor was beginning to think she was saying if she was laughing. He knew Spike had killed a man in Boston, and that was why Wes turned him over to those people that did those things to his head. He knew the kill had something to do with Faith but…

Faith's laughing stopped. She was silent—still, but it was a stillness that was anything peaceful. It was the stillness an animal had before it either tried to kill something or ran. She could see it in the way she held her body even though her eyes never left Spike.

"My other secret is I'm a total moron. With you so quiet I found the time to do some reading about what my dearly departed sugar daddy was up to. I—I never knew he'd Lolita other girls. I thought it was just me, something I did. I was never a good kid but, those other girls—"

Right when her voice began to slip she turned away from the ever-sleeping Spike suddenly, like he said something accusatory.

"Anyway," she turned back to him with a grin and a steady voice, like she suddenly found the old Faith again. Like she remembered Spike would never say anything accusatory to her. In fact , he would probably know just what to say or do, where Connor was at a complete loss. He just knew he wanted to kill this guy that did this to Faith. Spike already did that. Connor felt like an idiot.

"Idiot minds think alike. How can you think killing some guy that hurt me as a kid was gonna solve anything? Still I should have killed him myself years ago. Maybe it wouldn't a' been right, but I shoulda known it was the only way to stop his kind of wrong. Instead I ran like badly digested broccoli. And speaking of vegetables, I'm really missing the animal in you. If only I coulda trained it to leave a girl to her own demons, then they never woulda caged it up in your head."

Faith was seductively smiling at Spike. Her breasts floated to the top of her red ribbed tank top nearly touching Spike's mouth as she leaned over him. Spike laid still with his paleness and brown stubble on his head growing into a crew cut. His chest didn't even rise and fall, not that it needed it. He didn't exactly look dead though. There was something in his face that was too pained. Still if Faith leaning over him like that couldn't wake him up nothing could.

"Bastard!" Faith suddenly cried as if she knew what Connor was thinking, "I coulda got you outta Hell; instead you threw me into one. You may not be able to plan worth shit, but you do have that ol' stick-to-it-tiveness. You really must want me to kill you."

"Faith," Connor said gently as he opened the door that was between them.

He hated that he had to stop her from talking to Spike because he couldn't take anymore of it. He hated the way her eyes darted around the room and he could hear her heart race. He hated the bruise he could now see fully on the side of her face. It was from Wes "accidentally" hitting her. He could also see the purple grey and blue sea of the grip shaped bruise where Spike grapped her when he was under cyborg control. Dawn found a healing spell for Faith's injuries along with information about the risks and side effects that would go with it. Of course Faith said it wasn't worth it; the bruises would all heal on their own. Connor found himself hating magic again.

"Hey," she said casually with her racing heart.

"I'm sorry," he said and he was, "I didn't mean…"

"Didn't mean to interrupt my private conversation with the overly medicated catatonic schizophrenic vampire? No Sweat," Faith grinned and looked Connor straight in the eye.

Then she looked down and got up off Spike's bed and looked away from both Connor and Spike.

"As much as he's not himself he still doesn't listen. It is kinda nice he isn't bitching at me for one of my fuck ups for a change. If only I knew before I just had to fuck up in some elaborate way and he'd shut up," Faith said evenly.

"You didn't fuck up!" Connor said very unevenly, "Faith, you can't think this is your fault. Spike just killed someone who deserved to die. Wes had to come in with his great powers of meddling and assuming an d let The Watchers capture him because he thought Spike must have gone evil again. They did this to him. Wes did this to him. Those old Watchers and that scientist who--"

"Who I killed did this to him," Faith was still speaking evenly but all traces of a grin were gone from her lips.

Her eyes were even too and set into Connor's as she now strutted up to be inches from him.

"So Spike is a victim, so I am," She told him, "So Wes made a bad call. You think that automatically makes us the good guys and Wes the bad guy. I'm glad you're telling me how you got it all figured out. It really shows how I have to rethink this whole thing about fighting the mission with you."

"You can't tell me to leave. I won't! Someone has to protect you and Dawn and The Hellmouth. If you kick me out---"

"You'll be a bad lone hero and start killing anything and everything that ever hurt us poor defenseless women? No thanks. Already have one Champ sleeping off that brilliant plan," she said.

This wasn't going like Connor planned at all. He was supposed to be comforting her, telling her of all his experience with comatose lovers and instead he found he was angry. Not at her, but at the way things had been for her. She was angry at him though. He was the one that fucked everything up. What help was he being here? Why should she want him?

"I'd never kick you to the curb," she grumbled and it took him a second to realize what she had said, "Though I may kick you in some other more tender places to get some of those ideas out of your head."

"I know. You need me now more than ever," Connor said, "There's an open Hellmouth on Sunnydale and you have no Slayer power, and the Rhoshobi demons still seem to want to kill you due to that prophecy. I'll have to fight twice as hard with Spike down. I' m ready, Faith. I've been training and I'm ready to go back to the Hellmouth and protect—train with you. I'm ready to take whatever comes."

"Thanks for the review," Faith rolled her eyes, "But all of that shit could magically disappear tomorrow and I'd still want you around. Need has nothing to do with it. Though, it looks like you need me to set things straight."

"I promise I'd never do anything t--"

"I'm not perfect, Connor; far from it," Faith said, "Neither is your Dad or Wes and let's just throw in an obvious one and say Spike isn't. We fuck up and we fuck up big and I don't have any good clean answer or a rousing speech. All I can say is you gotta do what you think is right, and that isn't always what you feel is right."

"How do you know the difference?"

"Sometimes I don't. But, I've lived long enough to know that killing people--hurting them for vengeance may feel right, but you gotta know it's wrong. It never leads anywhere good," she was back to smiling, "This time it's led to another hellish coma that even I can't fix, and I'm coma girl. Wow, I've really fallen into the pathetic realm of super powers, huh?"

"You couldn't be pathetic if you tried," Connor said, "You're a person who believes anything is possible and if it's not you can make it possible. I wish I could be like you."

"You're the one with all the power now, kid," Faith smiled.

Connor could hear another familiar girl coming into the room—smell her. He didn't turn away from Faith, but he wanted to tell them both the truth.

"Right," Connor said, "All I know is I'm a demon spawn and my dad was so afraid of what I'd become he made a deal to take over this place so they would make me into someone else."

"Maybe you weren't dangerous before. Maybe you were just a big loser," Dawn chirped, "Like a total dork that chewed with his mouth open and wore tube-socks."

Dawn's heart rate went up when she walked past Spike's sleeping body to hand Faith a donut box and coffee. As soon as Spike was no longer in her vision her heart rate was normal.

"Dawn," Connor turned to her. She was wearing one of those new flowing silky lose tank tops that looked as fancy as Faith's did simple.

"You actually made a joke," he said, "You know that's where you try to make people laugh and it's funny, or it' s supposed to be. That was a joke, right?"

"Of course it's a joke," Dawn said, "We all know you're still a loser. There are some things magic just can't fix."

"They sure screwed it up when they made you," Connor said.

Dawn was someone that turned out to be full of surprises. Good surprises, unlike magic and the complexities of the demon world she seemed to be so good at researching. When the two had researched a way to get Faith safely out of Spike's mind, Connor quickly realized he was helping her do research and not the other way around. It was true Connor was great at trig, mechanics, engineering, but he couldn't seem to be able to tell a potion from a spell. Dawn was excellent at knowing the side effects of spells instantly.

"Aren't you two just the cutest mystical peas in a suburbanite pod?" Faith smirked, "Which reminds me, I need some brawn and some brain to go guard Sunnydale. I suppose you youngens will have to do since all us old people are having our melt-downs."

"I'm not going back to Sunnydale without you," Connor told Faith.

"Looks like you gotta," Faith said, "Dawn needs to get going, to get her life back, I'm not doing her principal anymore so she can only miss so much school. I don't want her going back without muscle."

"Don't worry about little old me. I'm getting used to going it alone. In some ways it seems easier," Dawn said as she smiled warmly at Faith.

"Well, it isn't easier, pipsqueak," Faith said, "And you were never alone. I know stuff got kind of crazy and I ended up running some missions without you but it wasn't because I forgot you."

Dawn was surprising him yet again as she had her hand on Faith's shoulder. Connor had never been actually sure that Dawn liked Faith. He thought Dawn hung around Faith for the same reason she didn't like her—past loyalties. He thought he would be sure that she didn't like being called a pipsqueak. He was wrong again, but it was okay. Being wrong about this made things feel right.

"You may do a lot of crazy stuff, but forgetting people is never one them. Well, I guess you forgot Connor the first time you met him, but that wasn't really your fault. Maybe it wasn't magic though, maybe he was just really boring," Dawn said.

"I'm not boring, but I can be a little repetitive," Connor said," Come back to Sunnydale with us, Faith. What more can you do here?"

"I can only do the one thing I'm good at. The one thing the Limey Bastard would want, " Faith said as she looked past Connor and whatever was behind him really pissed her off.

"Spike wouldn't want you to stay here," Connor said with assurance, "He—"

"Would want to be killed if he had to live like this," Dawn said, "That's what he would want. If there's one thing Spike can't live with it's being ineffectual."

Dawn had surprised Connor again. She had figured something out he couldn't and this time it wasn't about magic. She announced her discovery evenly as if she was someone else. There was no flip of her glossy brown hair, no sneer in her lip, or flair in her nostrils that came when she said a truth that she didn't like. She didn't even briskly turn or look away and Connor found he wished she would. He wished he never had to see this new surprise Dawn had and how she could just stare off in stoic misery.

"I know he'll be okay, even if he has to go somewhere else. He's Spike. He died before and he was Spike when he came back. So, he had to be Spike where ever he went. So, even if he never comes back. No matter where he goes, he'll always be Spike," Dawn said and Connor felt a little better. She sounded like the Dawn he had come to know.

And yet he was still surprised-- shocked. He had no idea Dawn had thought about Spike like this. She always seemed to look at Spike like Angel did, like some annoying distant relative everyone had to bail out of jail all the time. Connor saw her eyes fill up with mist.

Connor wanted to say something comforting. He wanted to offer to be the one to put Spike out of his misery, but when he thought about Faith being reminded of that every time she looked at him he said:

"Magic, this is what it gets you."

"Actually, it was science that did this to Spike," Dawn said.

"Yeah, but the magic is what really did the damage. We were able to figure out all the science—reverse it. You can trust science, magic you can't," Connor said.

"Magic is what is keeping Spike alive. Willow's spells. Faith's blood," Dawn said.

"Those spells , Faith's blo---they almost killed her. Science is what is keeping Spike alive, "Connor said.

"How can you say that? Science is just keeping Spike like this," Dawn said. Her nostril flaring and haughty hair flipping was back now.

"No, magic is keeping him like this. Weren't you paying attention? Magic is what's guarding the hypnosis Walsh did," Connor said.

"You're the one that hasn't been paying attention. What did this to Spike was—"

"Assholes," Faith said.

Dawn's mouth snapped shut, and Connor felt his insides swim with guilt. Spike was as good as dead and here they were having a debate. Faith should be mad.

"What did this to Spike was assholes," Faith said and Connor realized it wasn't them that she was mad at.

"And we played right into their hands by being assholes too. You gotta use what you can in life. Magic, science, whatever. It all has a hang over, a risk, and sometimes it's worth it and sometimes it's not. You just gotta make sure the risk is for what's right, otherwise you're an asshole too, and then they get you."

"So, you're spying on the Slayer and the cracker parade. How wicked witch of you. Except for the whole plasma TV thing. High def. sure beats a crystal ball," Sahjahn sighed as he looked at the mystical wall that displayed the Slayer talking all tough like Slayers do.

The wall showed she was with the little runt that was supposed to kill Sahjahn, some girl, and the second vampire with the soul who was sleeping that whole cyborg-government-plan off. When Sahjahn tipped The Slayer off about that he didn't really expect her to rescue her beloved vampire and get out alive, let alone take the whole thing down. He had to give her credit. Not that the old Watchers Council and the USA government teaming up to end evil was ever going to work. That plan was like George Junior and the Queen uniting to end poverty. However, it was sure as shit that the government and the old Council both wanted the vampire for something. Maybe he really did have something to do with that Rhoshobi prophecy.

Sahjahn had it with prophecies , Vampires with souls and their stinking kids. Two vampires with souls? What was this world coming to? The sooner he could leave this dimension the better. That was why he made this deal and was in this badly decorated apartment that looked like a cross between the Queen of England' s palace and a set of a Vincent Pryce movie. The walls were covered with mystical symbols to keep the place hidden from the other game in town and it really clashed with the furniture. Warlocks, they never knew how to keep it simple.

Sahjahn tapped the screen that displayed the sullen looking kids and the sleeping vamp. The screen felt like nothing but a wall, but when he touched it rippled like water.

"Don't touch that, please," the old man said, "I don't mean to be rude, but you are early. I'll be with you in a moment."

He had his fingers inside the head of a struggling whimpering skinny girl. She looked about eighteen but was probably younger. That whole drug addict thing really aged them. The girl's whimpering fell quiet and then she fell dead.

"There we go," the old man smiled pleasantly as he rose from his classic leather chair. Sahjahn saw a flush of color go to his cheeks, "I apologize . I never thought you'd be early. I guess I've grown used to waiting for this day to arrive."

"I hear ya," Sahjahn said, "Once you can't manipulate through time and dimensions these years really drag. Well, we can make it quick. I've got an appointment to be anywhere but here. All I need is for you to do whatever voodoo you do to free me from being corporeal."

"I'm afraid I'll need what you've given me first," the old man said as he did look old as he sank back in his chair.

"No way," Sahjahn scoffed, "You give me what I want first. You think I don't know about you? All the stories of the infamous Alistair Crowley. I'm an ancient inter-dimensional demon. You may have it over everyone in the human world, but to me you're nothing but a wise ass kid."

"And you would know all about 'wise ass kids' as you say," Alistair Crowley said, his proper English accent unnaturally twisting around the phrase as his neatly trimmed white beard contorted.

The plasma TV version of the crystal ball shined light into the cracks on his face. The old man looked nasty. Sahjahn knew he wasn't one to talk with his face being all cracked and scaly. But he had an excuse being a demon. This guy was human and he looked like a haggard skull with human skin stretched out across it along with the misplaced beard. Maybe the light of the Slayer showed the old man's true age. Magic worked like that here---it all had to have some metaphysical hum-drum balance. Sahjahn was so out of this dimension.

"Isn't that the one right there on my screen that's supposed to kill you? All your so-called ancient wisdom, your manipulation of time did nothing to destroy him--- a mere child."

The kid was now hugging the Slayer and making his big moon eyes at her as usual. Sahjahn didn't care to listen to what the kids were saying anymore. He didn't have to. It was never clearer that Alistair was right. The Connor kid was just a kid. He looked like nothing but bones, a Beatles T-shirt and big blue eyes that only cared to look at the dish he couldn't have—The Slayer. Why wouldn't the kid just grow up and turn into a vampire already?

"None of you ever learn. In order to truly manipulate things you must get inside their heads, their souls, their bodies," Alistair continued, "Then anything an upstart can do will only help you."

"I didn't know you worked for the Tobacco Industry," Sahjahn sighed, "Look, don't need the advice. I already tried to get into the kid's head. I did a whole thing with some Slayer blood and showed him he was really a vampire. Only we didn't get the right blood--- Look it doesn't matter. I'm beginning to think this is a waste of time and it's not like I have it to waste now. If you are so damned powerful why did you need me to go into the lion's den and get The Gem for you? Why not do it yourself?"

"My, my for someone who doesn't want to waste time you are sure making this a whole discussion. One doesn't just walk into the house of Cyvus Vail even if that one is me," Alistair sighed, "Due to the fact that he was holding you in that urn you were impervious to the magic that guards his fortress. The Gem of Vail contains the source of Cyrus Vail 's power which I will need in order to have the strength to return you to your former self. So, if you please Mr. Sahjahn."

Sahjahn sighed a weary sigh and turned over the big red shiny rock to the old warlock. He was probably going to regret this, but what did he have to lose? This guy seemed like he wanted to mess this up for The Slayer and that meant messing things up for the Connor kid, and that couldn't be bad.

Alistair Crowley took The Gem, which looked like the world's tackiest ruby, and held it in his palms. He quietly chanted some words that Sahjahn recognized as Aramaic. No matter what language they were in spells all sounded the same. I demand this; I ask for that, I need power, blah blah blah. Sahjahn wondered why the gods didn't get sick of it all. Sahjahn saw the gem evaporate into Crowley's hands and he glowed all read for a second. He looked much younger, but not young—like a skinny Santa Clause with a shorter beard.

"That's it?" Sahjahn said, "Gotta say I was expecting more of a bang. I mean, Cyrus Vail is the big wig of the black magic wo---"

Sahjahn was interrupted by a large sonic sounding boom. The old man flew up in a cyclone of red, his body looking contorted and pained. His eyes were turning black and dripping blood. His face transformed into a red scaly devil-like mess of skin. He roared out demonic painful sounds. Then the cyclone whooshed around him until Sahjahn couldn't see him anymore. Oh great, if he died from this Sahjahn would have to search the world over to find someone that could make him a Time-Shifter again.

"Oh my," Alistair said as the red cyclone evaporated.

"Oh dear," he said as he looked down and realized he was standing on the corpse of the young girl he had killed earlier.

He stepped off of her and looked at her like she was a pesky carpet stain. Sahjahn started laughing.

"Hate to tell you but if you think that's unseemly you're in trouble. Take a look in the mirror. You're one of us now, Al. An ugly scaly faced demon. That's what you get for stealing power," he said.

"I'm not a demon," Alistair said simply with a smile as his scaly faced vanished and his old skinny Santa one returned.

He suddenly turned into vapor in a way that Sahjahn recognized and longed for. Oh, to be able to travel like that again.

"And I've stolen nothing," the dead skinny girl on the floor got up and was talking, "I've merely reached my destiny. I am a god."

"Cute, Al, cute," Sahjahn said with an eye-roll. He always thought the controlling the dead body thing was tacky.

"Now, can we get this party started? Or would you rather go shopping at 'Forever 21' and go to a Jessica Simpson's concert?"

Sahjahn realized the dead girl was definitely under 18 as Alistair possessed her form.

"Jessica Simpson?" Alistair blinked the dead girl's big brown eyes as he oddly took Sahjahn's hand.

Sahjahn felt an odd buzz go through him that quickly turned harsh and painful. He tried to pull away but he was stuck to the hand Alistair possessed like a fly on flypaper. Damn this corporeal shit!

"Oh yes. Jessica Simpson," Alistair said casually in the girl's soft voice, "I saw her on the Telle and I thought how I'd love to get in her head, but after she spoke I realized there wouldn't be much there besides blind ambition. I want to tell you that I hold no ill will toward you for telling The Slayer that William the Bloody was being held captive."

Christ on a cracker! The old man knew Sahjahn had told the Slayer where the vamp was and now he was going to kill him with a wink and smile. He would love to try to talk his way out of this, but he couldn't even move an eyebrow hair with the electrical current that was being zapped through him. How the hell had the old man known?

"Ah, you didn't think I knew," the old man smiled showing off the young girl's junky teeth, "You do under estimate, demon. The Slayer. I've been in her mind. She is the key and I'm the key master. I know all the doors she unlocks. It's a shame. Pity, she is one with misdirected ambition. Perhaps it was better when it was blind."

Great. Another one of these Slayer obsessed freaks. Didn't any of them ever learn that getting a big evil jones for a Slayer never ended well? This one was downright sexy and all, but they were such little blips on the radar. Going after a Slayer was like going for a Holy Grail. It was a long arduous quest where you were either maimed or killed and what did you have if you got her? Just a plain little cup to mount on your wall. Now Sahjahn was going to be killed by a Slayer freak. But, maybe it was better to be killed by some powerful warlock then a stupid kid. He had made his own fate after all! Then the buzzing stopped and Alistair had taken his hand away. Alistair vanished the girl's body into mist and appeared in his old skinny Santa form.

Sahjahn felt suddenly different, like a great weight had been lifted. He realized he was non-corporeal again. Hot damn! The old coot had come through on his word. Sahjahn felt like he had all the time in the world.

"Hey, Al,'" he said, "You seem smarter than the average Slayer obsessed freak. What's the deal with you and this Slayer? She has no power anymore, right? The English vamp she's so hung up on is out for the count. If you're interested in going for the real brass you should go for Angel."

"I thought you knew of the Rhoshobi prophecy. She's the beginning and end of all things," Alistair said.

"Not you too!" Sahjahn sighed, "Look, you of all people should know those prophecies are crap, and besides wasn't it supposed to be about her and the vamp? And isn't there some other Slayer back from some dimension? Messing with these things is a waste of time."

"And you of all people should know that one can manipulate a prophecy," Alistair's smile grew unnaturally big, "Make it your own. I need to get inside of her. She's a vessel for pow--"

"You dog! You want to bang her! All of this, going up against the Black Thorne all to bang a Slayer. Wow, you're alright, Al. I miss judged you. She is somthin'. Great rack and very direct. You know she's not the type that would be whiney, and I bet great in the sa--"

"Please, if you are going to be vulgar, you can go," Al said curtly.

But, then he was standing and smiling while escorting Sahjahn to the door.

"Thank you. It was quite a pleasure doing business with you. If you are ever in this dimension again, do drop in. I think you'll find it a very different place under my rule."

"Seems like a little blind ambition isn't hurting you," Sahjahn laughed.

He could care less about whatever Alistair Crowley was planning. He was just so happy to be himself again.

"My ambition isn't blind, sir," Al looked offended but still had a smile, "My ambition is about the one true thing that matters."

"If you say love you'll be the first god to eat my non-corporeal dust as I leave," Sahjahn said as he watched the old man look at the Slayer on his screen.

"Love?" Alistair said, "Oh no. Love is for school boys in short pants. No, my ambition is about something far more lasting than love. Lineage."

For the first time Sahjahn saw Alistair truly lose his smile. He looked like a demon in his human face.

"The Slayer has always been a vessel and nothing more. This one is less than nothing. An uneducated doxy who's even of lower class than the gutter trash she chose over my beloved Grandson. She killed that dear bright girl that wanted nothing more than to do away with trash. I am the very one that removed her power, and what I do next will finally rip her spirit apart."

"Oh, so it's good old fashioned revenge because she dumped your grandkid? Okay, well good luck with that. "Sahjahn sighed, "All you warlocks like to make everything so complicated. You didn't need the Gem of Vail to do that, ya know? You coulda just done that plant a seed so that they tear each other apart thing. There's a simple classic that never fails."

Alistair smiled and Sahjahn couldn't wait to vanish to another place. The guy was kind of creeping him out.


	16. Chapter 16

"I called Angel. He's coming. Shut-up! I know you'd want him to be here and you know it too. I don't want to hear one word outta you!" Faith said and then she laughed.

Her head buzzed. She had to cling to the side of Spike's hospital bed rail for support. Something wasn 't right. Something other than the fact that she was telling a vampire in a coma that she didn't want to hear a word out of him and then laughing at her own stupid joke. Something wasn't right other than the fact that everything was wrong and she was a bitch who just laughed it off. She felt like she was going to be the one to collapse—fall over and die, and it was not because she was in shock with grief or anything. She may not have any Slayer power anymore but she was no Victorian swooning damsel. She had come to terms with this. Spike was gone. (He wasn't gone. It was worse. He was suffering in a Hell of his worst memories every second and she couldn't stop it! Even when she went into his head and saw it and got everything—she couldn't stop it.) Faith was taking action to stop his suffering and she knew it was what Spike would want. She wasn't feeling faint with grief here.

So, what was it? A pit in her stomach that she had been ignoring for a while because the pit was nothing compared to the hole in the rest of her. But, now the pit was growing with a pissed off vengeance. Hunger. Faith was hungry. When was the last time she had eaten? Dawn had just come in and given her some donuts. That was four hours ago, eight hours ago, yesterday? Hospitals were like twisted casinos-- even though there were clocks and windows and no free drinks. There were still big gambles and you lost track of time in them.

"I'm sorry, lover," Faith felt herself grin as she bent down to Spike's face, "I gotta get some grub in me. I'm fading fast. Unlike you who would just go on and on here unless I ended the party. You have the best stamina I've ever seen, and I've seen them all. Leave it to you to somehow make it be a pain in my ass."

Faith laughed and her head buzzed some more and that made her laugh more. She was an inch from Spike' s sleeping face with the shaved head that had grown in all soft and fuzzy brown. He looked like a soldier that was going off to the desert to do some shooting and had no idea what he was getting into. No, he looked like Spike still, even with the crew cut head. Spike-- a soldier of the mission who fought like hell once he was on the right side and that's when he had no idea what he was getting into. He was a total fighter, but he was also a total lover and that was what always killed him.

"Sorry, lover. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," Faith heard herself saying as her head buzzed and her lips were pecking at something cool, soft, and unyielding.

Faith was kissing Spike's face-- his lips.

"Oops," Faith laughed as her eyes stung, "I really better get something to eat before I get really too far gone and they put me in the mental ward here for molesting comatose vamps. I'll start a whole new kind of necrophilla for them to study."

"I'm sure they have a mental ward here. For a place that was supposed to be an evil law firm they really have everything. I know you like to bitch about it, but I'm sure you'd love the really good mattress you were on if you could feel it. I'll be right back. Angel will be here soon. But, don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm going to be the one to…I'm going to do it. Set you free."

Faith passed various people in the hall in suits and white coats. Faith used to be afraid of people in white coats but now she found herself looking for that brainy Fred among them. She didn't see her. Just as well. Fred probably wouldn't like what she was about to do with Spike. There was some girl going on about how there was a third eye growing in the back of her head. The white coats were assuring her that it happens and they would have it gone and she'd be out of here in no time. The people in the white coats here just seemed to be about making people better, not telling them they were sick or fucked up. This place was actually pretty cool.

Faith got to the candy machine and she totally did a 180 and decided Wolfram and Hart was pure evil. Her Snickers bar was stuck in the goddamned machine! She hit it and her Snickers only seemed to get more stuck. This was wrong. She was wrong. Faith had everything and as usual she was a total idiot and she had lost it. She had been a Slayer with the easiest job in the world—guard a closed Hellmouth. She had friends and a Champion that literally shared his soul with her and somehow she managed to fuck it all up. She had fucked it to the point where all she could do was put that Champion out of his misery. He had lived lifetimes without her and with in a few years of getting mixed up with her he was a goner—becoming a tortured mind-fucked vegetable. She made him become nothing when she was the one that was really nothing. A powerless girl who had to send all her friends away who couldn't even feed herself by getting a fucking candy bar out of a fucking machine!

Faith shook the machine with all she had while she grunted in frustration. Nothing. She hit it with her weak girlie fists. It laughed at her keeping her precious Snickers bar a prisoner. Faith backed up and stared the machine down. She ran at it screaming with everything she had.

While she was running in full force something stopped her dead. She was more pissed than ever. She'd tear whatever was keeping her from what she needed apart. But, whatever it was had way more strength than she did. Then Faith realized it wasn 't something but someone. They grabbed her securely but painlessly around her shoulders. They didn't mean any harm. They meant good. She wanted to lean into them and just sleep, die, stop.

"Faith," a familiar voice said softly.

The sound of it made her want to do too many different things. It took her a second to choose to step away and turn around.

"Robin?" Faith said, "What are you doing here?"

"I heard about what happened and I came to see how you were," he said as his pretty brown eyes looked down at her with sadness.

He put his hands in his pockets and looked away shyly. He looked like a tall dark really built shy little boy dressed in a button down shirt.

"I'm five by five. Still kicking ass," Faith said as she smiled back at him.

"It looks like the other way around. You have some pretty good bruises there. When was the last time you slept?" he asked.

"Yeah, I have to work on naming a favorite bruise and the whole sleeping thing. Now I was trying to work on the eating thing and it isn't going so well as you can see," she said.

"Well, attacking the thing that has what you want to get it probably isn't the best approach. Not that I should be giving advice on that," he said as he put more money in the candy machine and the stuck Snickers bar came out with the other one.

He handed both candy bars to her and went back to his hang dog look.

"I know we have a lot to talk about," she said, "I just want you to know I don't hold any grudges against you. I know the way you think. You thought just getting some people to stick a little chip in Spike's head would fix him. Make it so he could do no harm; and after what he did to you what's wrong with that? I know you couldn't know how they wanted to hurt him. You're such a good guy that you don't realize the rest of the world doesn't think like you; and when you give over control like that to people they'll do nothing but screw you."

"Wow," he said with a smile, "I was just going to say that I've shaken broken vending machines before and that it's dangerous. I was going to give you a lecture on how a bunch of people die every year because the machine tips over on them. I have a visual aid and everything."

He pointed to the picture on the machine with the stick figure shaking the machine and it tipping over on it; and just to make sure you knew it was a bad idea it had one of those red circles with a line through it.

"It was going to be the lecture that finally brought you around on living dangerously," he said.

"I'd be too hungry to take any of that in. Besides, I don't think anything can ever bring me around on that. That's why you dumped me, remember?" she said.

"Yeah, about that…" he said.

"It's all good," Faith said, "I meant it when I said I don't hold any grudges against you. In fact, I even owe you a few. I never would have stayed in Sunny D if you hadn't swore you could surprise me by being a nice guy. And you are a nice guy. If it wasn't for you I never would have been able to trust that anyone was worth sticking around for-- that I was worth sticking around for. And now I have Connor and Kennedy and I can even look out for Dawn. Not that it isn't a total pain in the ass at times."

"Not that it can't get you killed at times," he said.

"That's caring for you," she said, "You do what you gotta do, no matter what. You know, I had the unique opportunity to see your mom in a flashback and there was a woman that knew how to give everything. She was a great fighter! Kind of reminded me of me. But man, she'd do anything for you. Beg, steal, lie, fight, kill or die. She—"

"She died," Robin said, "That's what my mother ended up doing and I don't think it really was for me. But, more importantly I think maybe you should eat one of those Snickers bars because you're rambling about seeing my dead mother."

"More importantly, she really loved you. Not that I know that much about love. I know even less about the motherly kind," she said as she unwrapped a Snickers bar.

"Maybe we can pick up the love lessons where we left off," he said, "Well, not the motherly kind that would be kind of creepy. Unless you want to have kids some day."

"Huh?" Faith said as her mouth hung open with chewed Snickers.

"Okay," he said and laughed, "Why don't you swallow that and then we can get you some real food and sleep so you can think about it."

"I can't," she said.

"You can't because of what happened with Spike. Faith, you should know the truth," Robin said, "When Wesley and I decided to have that chip put in his head he was on a killing spree in Boston. He killed a man and he would have killed another one if we didn't stop him. You never would have been safe with him."

"No, I can't get some real food and sleep because I'm kind of in the middle of something here," Faith said, "Maybe when it's done I'll think about what you said with the love lessons and all. But, I gotta tell you I think I have a huge love learning disability and the idea of me ever being anyone's mother is just---"

Faith's thought train stopped dead when she saw who just came running up beside her.

"Connor, what the hell are you doing here? I told you to go back to Sunnydale with Dawn. You better give me a good excuse as to why you're still here or they'll need an extra hospital bed!" she said to the kid as he just seemed to appear next to her.

"Dawn and I decided I couldn't let you kill Spike alone," Connor said, "So, she went back to Sunnydale without me. But—"

"What?" Faith was pissed, "I'm gonna throttle you! You sent a ninety pound girl back to an open Hellmouth alone."

"I'd never leave Dawn unprotected! Willow is back there now." Connor gasped as his baby blues went wide. Then he looked away and muttered.

"Besides, Dawn has more experience fighting powerless on a Hellmouth than you."

"That's it!" Faith grumbled, "You are on the next bus to Sunnydale or better yet: Robin, can you take him back to The Dale? That is if he's still interested in fighting The Mission at all."

"I—", Robin began.

"How can you say that I'm not—Faith, listen--" Connor said.

"No, you listen, if this is going to work we have to work together and we have to keep working even when things get hard," Faith said, "It's cool you're worried about me, but you have to believe I can take it. I have to take it if I'm gonna stay in this game."

"Faith," Robin said, "You don't have to—"

"You don't have to take it anymore, at least not now," Connor said.

"I am not going to quit, kid," Faith felt like sinking to the floor, but she looked Connor in the face, "I know I don't have any power anymore and this Spike thing really got to me, but—"

"No!" Connor gasped, "You don't have to take it because Spike's awake."

"He can't be awake. That's impossible," Faith laughed at Connor's excitement, but she felt like someone was kicking her in the ribs.

"It's just the sedation wearing off. He's still trapped in his memories. He's talking to you, but he probably thinks you're your dead mother or a whore or some evil thing that made his life Hell," Faith said.

Connor smiled suddenly.

"You should read up on my mom. She was like an unholy trinity. Spike would have no problem seeing me as all three of those things at once," he said.

"Great, his mother was some kind of anti-Christ and he thinks that's funny," Robin sighed, "Faith, call me crazy but if Spike Junior is going to be your main protection I—"

"Spike isn't living his memories any more," Connor said to Faith as he barely glanced over at Robin, "You think anyone could not know the difference? He's bitching about Wolfram and Hart being evil. He's threatening to bite the nurses if they keep poking at him. He's also asking for blood and Weetabix …and you."

Faith felt her feet take off running down the hall and Connor was beside her. She knew she said something to Robin before she took off but, she didn't remember what it was. She also didn't know why she was running. She stopped and walked when she got nearer to the door. She wanted to run the other way. What if this wasn't real? What if he woke up only to die? Didn't people in comas pull that shit sometimes? Walking forward was like choosing between starving or maybe eating something bad and being as sick as a dog. Faith had to make that choice a lot in the street and in prison. Faith walked forward to take a bite like she always did. She was too hungry not to.


	17. Chapter 17

Faith didn' t have any idea what she was going to say to Spike now that he was out of his coma. She had been so busy throwing herself into surviving the whole Spike-sleepping- forever-deal. The idea of him being awake now seemed strange. This was just like him to throw her a curve like this, or for her stupid life to throw her a curve and for this not to be real at all. (Faith, we have good news. You're mother is showing signs of improvement. Then: Sorry, Faith. The infection spread into her blood stream. There was nothing we could do. Why don't you talk to this nice social worker? No! I want to talk to her. Bitch! Stupid bitch! You died because you were stupid! No, it was YOU! YOU let her die! You killed her!) All Faith could do was run. Until someone touched her (Leave me alone! I don't know you assholes!) No, it was Connor. Faith reached out to him. She held his face. She wanted to say something, but she didn't. Connor was the one that said something. He said something to her about letting her and Spike be alone and he would be sure to make himself and the nurses scarce. The kid ran ahead before she could make full sense of what he said to respond. Faith was sure she was losing it until:

"You call this blood? I'd rather have red Kool-Aid," Spike's voice was booming down the hall as Faith saw the various white coats leaving the room looking pissed, "On second thought I'd rather have coffee with cream and lots of sugar and where's my bloody Weetabix already? This is Wolfram and bloody Hart, isn't it? I know every important vamp, ghost and ghoulie comes here and gets spa treatment when they get all banged up. And just because Angel is running things now doesn't mean I can't get the same."

Faith smiled. The bastard was back. Connor was right. There was no way this was anything but the real thing. You always knew just where you stood with Spike. Faith knew she walked in and stood at Spike's bed-side now. She just didn't know what to say.

"Hi," was what came out of her mouth.

She saw his face completely come undone from the scowl it was in to give her that soft eyed misery look. He stood up in his bare feet and hospital scrub pants. Faith knew he would do that. Spike always stood up when she came into a room like she was a judge or something. A judge would come up with something better than "hi." He'd know what to say.

"Hi," he said.

Just when she thought she was going to have to look away he tilted his head and smiled. Then, before she could get used to that, he was scowling again. His scared eyebrow pointed down in annoyance while the other one arched up demanding.

"You look bloody awful!" he grumbled, "What the hell have you been doing? Who hit you? It's not enough you have to do dangerous mind-walks in a man's head but you have to fight too? What do you do for your grand finale? Remove Angel's soul, get naked and lock yourself in a shark tank with Angelus?"

"That would be a good idea for a reality show, but no," Faith said as she folded her arms.

The stupid speechless little girl that had been her thirty seconds ago died an instant death; there wasn't even an eyelash hair of her left for evidence.

"Angelus isn't really my type," Faith said, "But at least with him, Angel beats him back and thanks me after I stick my neck out for him. You, you're just a dick all the way."

"That's right. I don't hide behind some evil twin. I have every bloody right to be bloody angry that you went trifling about in my head looking at my memories, even if it did save my life," he gnashed his teeth as he sat back down and started pulling all the tubes and wires out of him.

"You asshole!" Faith said, "Can't you be happy you're alive rather than acting like a twelve year old girl? I didn't go into your head because I wanted to read your diary, princess. I wanted to save your life. I know it didn't work but you could at least---Wait, it did save your life? Then why didn't you wake up after I did it?"

"Who do I look like?" he said as he yanked at the stubborn IV wire in him, "A star Hog-Warts pupil? I'm no magic expert. I don't bloody know. All I know is you woke me up inside. Made me realize where I was-- stuck in my head-- and all I wanted to do was get out and be with you before you did something incredibly stupid, yet again. I don't bloody care that you saw me being a weak prat. I can't hide anything from you. I care that you could have died playing around with---" he stopped and gnashed at the IV wire he was having no luck with, "Bloody hell!"

He knocked some really important medical looking equipment to the floor in his frustration. Yeah, Faith knew those IV wires to be a bitch.

"What kind of industrial strength tape did they use to stick all this sodding medical crap in me?" he grumbled as he threw up his hands and then winced in pain because he pulled the IV wire, " I mean what the hell is all this for anyway? I'm a bloody vampire! What are these machines doing? Monitoring my lack of pulse?"

"You'll have to ask the brainy waif, Fred. I have no clue," Faith said as she sat down next to him on the bed and unpeeled the tape from his hand, "Look, I know you want out of here. No one hates hospitals more than me, but you should let Fred check you out first."

"As much as you hate hospitals is how much you look like you need to be in one," he said with his chin out.

Then, his angry chin disappeared as his mouth hung open like she said something to surprise him. He got up off the bed and was looking her in the face like he saw something new in it.

"You have been here, haven't you? The whole time, and you started to think there was no hope. And you knew I'd rather die than be a man forced to not live, accept for in his own head. Feeling nothing—tasting nothing but his own regret like ashes in his throat," he said and looked her straight in the face and this time she did look away.

Faith felt like everything was sinking inside of her. The thought that she might have killed Spike because she was too impatient an idiot to wait made her want to just run anywhere. But, he was between her and the door with his soft brown crew cut head, hospital scrub pants, bare chest and feet and she didn't even have the strength to get up off the bed and look him in the face. She wished they could go back to fighting. She wished Spike would pound her face in for almost killing him-- again. Meanwhile, all he did was touch her shoulder.

"That's why you look so awful," he pulled his hand back from her shoulder after she winced like a little mouse. She wasn't going to let the little speechless weak girl take over again. Faith spoke.

"I guess I should just stick to looking good and leave the thinking to people with bigger brains. Mine hurt too much to wait long enough to see if all the stupid shit I did actually worked," she said to her lap, "I' m—"

"I'm sorry," he said, "I guess I have to get used to not touching you after the time we had--both in and out of my head. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself at least outside of my head. You can't judge a man for what goes on inside, can you?"

She looked up at him to see he was grinning.

"You didn't even let me get the party started in your head, but whatever turns you on. I guess no matter what I do I'll always be good for that one thing," Faith managed to grin back.

She pushed her greasy hair back. She knew everyone was right. She must have looked like a dirty bruised up piece of white trash. And yet, she still must have had some neon sign on her somewhere that said "fuck me." All these good guys wanted to screw her if only she got her shit together. She wished she was young and stupid again so she could be proud of that.

"You're—Wait," his whole face fell like he finally realized what a bitch she was.

"You've been bitten! Bloody hell, Faith. Well, that settles it. You clearly need a sod like me who knows how the other half thinks if you're getting bloody bitten. Slayer blood- Chosen blood- all the power any evil sod could want is in you. You gave up the physical part of that power for my life. The least I can do is devote that life to protecting you."

"Protecting me?" Faith rose furiously, "I can expect that shit from Connor or Robin. They don't get my world. But you, Spike? I thought you got me. I thought you knew who I was. You think you need to teach me about how the other half thinks? I am the other half. I may fight on the clean side, but no one said I couldn't fight dirty. I'm the dark Slayer."

"That is the most—When will you stop living in the past!" Spike grumbled in frustration, "I'm not. I know you don't want to be with me regardless of the transgression we had in my head. I'm trying to do the right thing here. I'm trying to be a gentleman and offer my eternal demon services to you. I'm your willing slave. Just tell me what bloody loathsome demon wanker bit you and they' re a footnote in history. I know you think a man always wants something in return but-- "

"You want to know who bit me?" she demanded, "You did! Because I made you do it. I tripped the trigger that bitch put in your head and I had you bite me so she couldn't kill you. If you want to stick around and fight The Mission with me no one is stopping you. It's still a free country and I could use a hand. But, you can take your fucking gentlemanly protection and shove it up your ass."

Spike looked at her angrily with his dark no-longer bleached eyebrows knitted together. He opened his mouth and to Faith's surprise nothing came out. Then his whole face sunk into a sad heap that made her realize that she almost killed him all over again. He turned to walk away. She realized he was going to leave the room.

"Wait," Faith said, "Stay. I'll go. There's no need for you to not get checked out by the only vamp medical team on the West coast just because I'm a bitch."

"You think that's why I'm leaving? If I left every time a woman was a bitch I'd be roaming the earth for all eternity. All the little people from 'Lord of the Rings' would have bloody jack on me. Talk about who doesn't know who! I'm leaving because I bit you. I bloody bit you!" he said as his eyes seemed to fill with something she rarely saw in him--fear, "When they tried that trigger bullocks with Buffy I fought it off and with you I couldn't. I can 't bare that."

"Well, I ask for it a lot more than B does. You stay. I'll go," Faith said no longer feeling mad. She realized how tired she was.

"You need to get checked out. I know how it is to wake up from a coma," she told Spike, "Well, I guess you don't need to pee; I'm sure you need stuff I know nothing about, but, like I said, that Fred chick is a total brain. I probably damaged your head when I went in it and she can fix it. She's much better at keeping you alive than me."

"Probably not," Spike said softly now, "Her style is just different. She doesn't give her own blood ensuring that she's around for the me being alive part. I like that in a girl. So, that's the only reason you want me to stay? You're afraid I'm brain damaged from all that happened?"

"I'm not afraid you're brain damaged now because I know you already were before with thinking getting too close to me was a good idea," Faith said calmly as she looked him straight in the face as she walked over to him, "You killed someone in cold blood because of me, and I hear you were gonna kill someone else if Wes hadn't fucked you over and turned you in. If I had any money I'd take a gamble and say that second person had something to do with me too. B made you into a good man and I made you into a murderer again in no time at all."

Faith knew Spike wasn't stupid. She knew he would get it and once he did he wouldn't bullshit her about it. Faith brought out the worst in people.

"You Slayers do have that narcissistic streak, don't you?" he smiled an angry smile but he talked softly, "I did what I did because of me, not because of you. It was selfish to kill the wanker that hurt you as a girl. But, don't you dare take that as an apology. I'm glad he's dead and I'd probably torture him again if I saw him in Hell. The only thing that was wrong was my thinking that it was about you. It never was. It was about me. My great looking and athletic self dreaming I could be some kind of god that could erase your pain, so I could feel better about having been tossed out by you."

"You were going to kill every loser that hurt me in Boston to get over my dumping you?" she asked.

"I'm admitting it was not a well thought out plan here. It started that way but I was beating on that Ronnie fellow when I realized what I was doing wasn't what you would want at all. Then, the Cavalry came and you know the rest."

"That scientist bitch got a hold of you 'cause Wes and Robin thought you were evil again," Faith said, "But if you an' me never hooked up---"

"Then I wouldn't have a bevy of my most heavenly memories to look back on when I was in Hell being tortured and reprogrammed by lil' Walsh," Spike smiled.

Faith could feel herself cringe. So, he remembered Walsh, remembered being tortured. Faith was glad that she killed that bitch.

"She was a smart little girl hell bent on revenge; set on her target," Spike said, "You and I know something about that. You know it's only a matter of time and opportunity until someone like that strikes. The girl saw a weakness—"

"Yeah, me," Faith said and smiled, "What she didn't realize was that I may be down on Slayer strength—weak-- but I'm still a ruthless bitch. I'd still fight, kill, and die to save you."

"You're not the weak one, Faith. I am. Can't you bloody see that?" he demanded, "Are you so thick that--- I'm not bloody Angel! I can't let the bastards use the demon in me to hurt you."

"I hurt you, and I couldn't stop it. So, I have to go," Spike quietly said and was now going for the door.

She got in front of him. It wasn't going to go down like this. Faith may've just been a small player here but she was going to be the one to leave first.

"Bullshit! You do nothing but disrespect my decisions and treat me like a helpless chick. That's the only way you ever hurt me," she said.

"I know me beating on Wes is the reason we can't be together," he yelled and then got quiet again, "Well, that and the little fact I tortured and murdered that evil bastard from your past. I understand you can't forgive that but I---"

"That shows what you know!" Faith yelled and she did not get quiet again, "As far as I'm concerned Wes and I are even now because he betrayed you and aren't you listening? I killed someone out of vengeance for you too, asshole!"

"You did? Really? Who?" He asked his brow wrinkling in confusion.

"That scientist bitch, Walsh Junior or whatever cute name you have for her. She put a time bomb in your brain and I put a bullet in hers. That's what I do. I bleed and I kill. Because it's the only thing I know how to do. I'm a basic Slayer; I'm not a perky leader with silky hair and cute outfits. I lived with my demons a long time and the last thing I need is for some dude to take them on. Don't you get that? Tell me you get what I'm saying," she demanded.

"You're saying we can be together now because everyone murdered and betrayed on an even keel? You're saying you forgive me?"

"You're saying we can be together now because meh-meh-meh?" Faith repeated mockingly in her best girlie voice and then grunted in frustration, "God! It's really like talking to a twelve year old girl. It's not about who's going steady with who. It's about—Forget it. I'm getting Fred. You need clothes and food and medical care. Just sit! Stay!"

She pushed him a little bit but he didn't go back towards the bed. Without her power she was nothing more than a tiny little toy plane trying to take down a sixty foot tall monkey.

"You want me to roll over and beg with that too?" he demanded angrily and did that smirk that you wanted to punch off his face.

"Sure, if it'll get you to stop playing dead," Faith said.

He smiled a real smile for a second as if to give her credit for a good come-back. But then his scowl was back.

"Bullocks!" Spike said with his face an inch from Faith's, "You may want to fall for Angel's pseudo-Hero Inc, but not me. I don't need your molly coddling, Faith."

"More bullshit! If molly coddling means what I think it does- you need it bad. Without me looking out for you, you would have been dead more times than I almost had to kill you. Face it. You're kind of an idiot when it comes to self preservation and you need someone who's willing to stay and take care of you."

"Okay, I'll admit I need you're coddling at times if you admit you need mine," he said.

"Bite me!" she scoffed.

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you," he said, "No, I've already done it and apparently it wasn't that memorable, so get out of my way."

Faith was too mad that she walked right into that one to think of a come-back, so she just stood in the doorway and blocked each side with her outstretched arms.

"You'll have to move me," she said through gritted teeth.

"You think I won't?"

"Aren't you the dude who can't bare to hurt me," she said in a mocking soft voice.

"Not if you're asking for it," he said.

"Really? That's not what I remember."

"Maybe I'm changing my mind."

"What a surprise. A guy that's full of shit and running out the door the minute he's scared."

He grabbed a hold of her arm. It was the one he bruised badly when he was under mind control. He didn't grab hard enough to move her at all. In fact, he just smoothed his hand over the bruise and then moved it off her. His face got all tight and miserable as he looked at her. Faith was such a bitch that all she could do was stare back at him filled with more anger than ever. She threw the worst insult at him that her rage filled brain could think of:

"Pussy!"

Faith smiled in satisfaction as Spike scowled at her again. He grabbed her firmly by the shoulders like he meant it.

"You want---," he began.

Faith didn't need to hear him finish. She did want. She wanted everything and even more she wanted to do everything. Faith lunged forward feeling the firmness of soft cool skin. She kissed Spike like she wanted to suck all the bad memories out of his brain. Somehow in her blind fury she managed to get his lips. He kissed back and he was the one sucking things out of her head like exhaustion and despair. The layers of all the crap Faith had been feeling since Spike went into coma-land bubbled and rose to the surface as her and Spike fell to the floor. The bubbles of feeling came up painfully, ecstatically through every layer of her skin as Spike's hands ran over her.

"Don't you ever—Never fucking again. Never!" came out of her mouth between their lips breaking.

She had no clue what she was talking about; she just knew she really meant it. Faith meant it so much that she could push a vampire that was now a hundred times stronger than her to a white tiled hospital floor and pull his pants down. Spike seemed to know what her mouth was shooting off.

"I'm here, love. You may be the one that always brings me back, but that's not why I come back. I come back because you're the one. You're the one, Faith. I can't live without you and I won't leave. I won't, but if I hurt you---"

Too much talking. Faith solved that by impaling herself on him with a fierce shrieking grunt. She rocked back and forth on top of him until all the layers of everything she felt popped and floated away. She felt nothing but rhythm and skin. There was so much more of him to feel now that he could touch back. His deceptively delicate looking hands were everywhere— brushing through her dirty hair, cooling her bruised up face, on her healing up bitten neck, swirling on her screamingly sensitive nipples under her smelly red tank top he didn't seem to want her to take off. All she could see was his face. Mouth open in mad ecstasy. Eyes shut, but clearly no longer sleeping. They were rolling under his lids—awake, alive. And he stayed like that as she held back nothing. She moaned and screamed on top of him. He started to moan and yelp under her as the ride got a little rougher. Alive, alive, alive, her body sang to her in a chant and that was the rhythm she squeezed her muscles around him. She pushed her face into his and tasted his open ecstasy mouth with her swirling tongue as he rapped his arms around her and cried out.

He whispered a few gods and bloody hells and how amazing she was as Faith noticed one of his arms was not around her but reaching for something. He grabbed some hospital equipment and chucked it. Faith heard it shatter through some glass. She turned to see that it was the window of the hospital room door shattering. The door had been open to the hall this whole time. Faith remembered there were other people in the world as she could hear some Wolfram and Hart employees gasp and chatter about the breaking glass. No, they were probably chattering about the other thing that just went on.

"Oops," Spike said under her, "That was supposed to close the door. Maybe my aim's a bit off."

"I'd say it's never better," Faith smirked, glad she had something cool to say, "I just think you like property damage."

"Maybe," he said, "or maybe I just hate this bloody place. I know it's helped us and all that. But it is evil."

"Someone told me you shouldn't attack the thing that has what you want when there are other approaches," Faith said as she got off of Spike, pulled up her unzipped jeans and shut the door.

"That person clearly has no understanding of true evil," Spike said as he jumped up and pulled up his scrubs, "Unless this person is Angel who has his rose colored moron glasses on when it comes to this pla ---"

" This place ain't bad; a place can't be bad. It's what you do with it that counts. This place gives Angel the means to fly all over the world saving it," Faith said.

"He's just doing that because he can't face what's---"

"You won't win this argument, English," Faith grinned, "I already had this argument with you in my head when you were asleep. Damn, you are predictable. And as far as this place goes: I wouldn't care if it was run by Satan who wears a coat made of puppies. This is the place that brought you back to me. If Wal-mart had geniuses like Fred working for it saving my Champion boyfriend I'd shop there everyday and buy their Christian records. So, I'm a sell out. I never said I was a sain—"

Before Faith knew what was happening she felt herself being thrown in the air and Spike's arms were around her. He picked her up like she was a nine ounce bag of blood he was starving for---like she was nothing. But she sure felt a whole lot of something as his hand fell between her legs as he scooped her up with his other arm under her ass. She was wet with new desire as she gasped in his arms.

"You saved me, Faith."

She felt air rushing around her quickly as she was being rushed somewhere, as his fingers thrust in her.

"You, you are the hero here. No one but you. You, you, you."

She felt herself shake against his arms his body as she held to him tightly as she let out whimpers and moans that may have sounded helpless but they were anything but. They were oh-so-fucking-the-best. Then, as tight as she grabbed to him she felt herself falling away from him as she was being thrown.

"N--" she began to protest desperately pissed, but before she could she landed on something soft that felt great on her tired bones---the bed. Her protest turned into a wild hysterically happy yelping as he was over her, inside her with a sudden thrust and an intent face.

"There's never been a Slayer like you. The greatest Slayers, they get strong but they get hard. You—you were already so strong--hard. So you ripened…"

Faith listened to the rhythm of his beautiful human poem even as she let out her most animal like noises. Even when she grunted in protest when he pulled away from her just long enough to pull off all her clothes. She realized he wanted her to leave them on before because people could be watching. Now she couldn't be anymore naked in front of him and she decided she never wanted it to end. She rolled on top of him with her sweet aching cunt a few times. She broke contact long enough to take him in her mouth for a while, and she squealed like some smaller cuter girl when he pulled her into his cock again.

He grunted as he did the gentle lover thing, "You are a Saint. Saint of the Damned and lost causes with the vigor of all of Heaven and Hell. The Saint that only gets more brilliant and glowing the more darkness is cast on it."

Faith was sure there was a good joke in here, calling a girl a Saint as you plowed her. But, he wasn't really plowing, more like circling to brush up against all the right parts. And he was doing it like the super-being he was. She closed her eyes and tears spilt out. Just two. Weird-- most of the time she was a dry well, but on the rare occasion she did let tears come there were water works. What the fuck was he trying to do to her? She opened her eyes and gritted her teeth with all her helpless rapture and shaking rage. Faith dug her nails into Spike as hard as she could. She reached up and twisted his nipple as brutally as she could. She bit down on him hard.

"No Saint! Killer!" she said after she bit him hard enough to draw blood.

She'd show him. As he was fucking her so good, trying to make love to her, she would show him he was wrong. She hurt people. She hurt him. He moaned as she bit and twisted at him.

"Yes, love," he said this in the rhythm he moved inside of her, "Be a good girl. Hurt the bad beast that bit you."

He didn't miss a beat as he fucked her in rhythm with her clenching and unclenching body and with her pulse—her heart. She looked at Spike's lustful intent face that looked back at her with feeling eyes. He kissed her where her two tears ran. Faith had to stop looking at him to throw her head back and shut her eyes. The blood she drew already vanished, his bite marks healing. Whatever he was trying to do to her she wanted more of it.

"More, more!" all she could do was demand.

"More? Yes, love. Just tell me what more you need," he said between moaning now, "What do you want of a loathsome creature like me that you should send to Hell?"

"Stay!" she heard herself sputter as she clamped her arms around his shoulders and dug her claws into him. Her teeth were really sucking in his skin more than biting him now.

"Heh," he laughed after a long loud moan, "You'll never be rid of me, Slayer. You can toss me out, set me on fire, beat me, bruise me. They can piss on my brain, tear my head apart, turn me to dust, kill me. But, I'll never quit on you. I'll never stop. You're my Slayer. Mine and Hell can take all it wants but my soul stays with you."

Oh fuck! Oh God! This couldn't be…Skin, moving, rocking, rocking, socking. Couldn't be-- this good for this long. Couldn't be- perfect arms… Couldn't… wasn't… Faith wanted…Spike…Spike alive, Spike alive forever, moving, moving in, moving out…always moving coming back. Couldn't be real, but it was. Faith just wailed and shook and smiled. She smiled when she wasn't kissing or being kissed. She milked him as his yelps turned to long singing moans. She didn't moan with him. She screamed and smiled.

"More, more!" she panted as she grabbed at his just fired cock.

It was instantly hard again in her hands and she felt dizzy with laughter. Maybe she was dreaming. She didn't care as long as Spike was real and alive and she knew he was. She knew it because she felt it as much as she felt his hard cock. It was that real. Faith was going to give herself to him until he stopped getting hard. And she knew he would never stop getting hard. He was Spike. He'd go soft for a second only to come back harder. He'd rise and bring it every time. He never stopped and neither did she. She tried to tell him as she kissed him and laughed and felt crazy floaty.

"With you. Won't stop. Won't quit. You stayed; I'll bring more."

"I know, love. You shine most when you break yourself open," he said, "But, you can rest now. My tired girl. My warrior. They'll be more later, later."

Spike grabbed both her hands and pulled her in for a kiss.

Faith grunted angrily and pounced on top of him. She dug her nails into him and twisted his nipples again. He moaned back and smile, happily hurt by her.

"More now!" she said.

Faith gave her creative grunting cave-girl back to his poet. Just who was beauty and who was the beast here? Spike smiled a full smile that would have made him look innocent if he didn't have that nasty little eyebrow quirk. He took Faith's hands in his again and stretched her arms gently over her head. He pushed her back on the bed and pressed there bodies together.

"There will always be more," his lips almost touching her, "More to fight, more to love, more to save. More of me and you. Like me, it won't ever run out. It will wait for us as we rest. "

Faith realized she was tired. Really tired. She wanted to hear more pretty boy poem about her light and darkness and Sainthood. Shit, she had turned into a self-centered bitch! No, because the sweet sexy talk was her fuel to keep going forever. She would need no food, water, nothing—just his body and words. Going forever for him so his eyes would keep rolling like that as he talked and between talking his mouth would go into that mad pleasure O. Faith saw that his mouth was smiling now and his eyes were closed, but not like they had been when he was forced to sleep. They had that look of peace.

"We can rest now, Faith," he said, "I'm here with you ready for more. You saved me. We're both safe…and we can rest."

Five by five, champ. Faith closed her eyes and she knew when the dreams came—dreams of men cutting and stabbing into Spike's head, into her soul; Faith knew if she dreamed of B's limb tiny body, that they were just dreams.

The ones she had of Spike's head could just go off and die now. That was over. He was alive and he was Spike. Faith should've known better to think anybody could really change Spike at the core. He was a martyr, a self centered dick, a mother hen, a reckless adrenaline junkie, and a psychological mastermind. A Champ, no one could break that. Not even Faith who would always have dreams of people tearing at her body, stabbing at her very soul because that was apart of her. She had been a killer with a soul, no excuses, or get out of jail free card like her Champ had. So, if dreams did come of her being ripped apart body and soul, they were just dreams and nothing more. It couldn't mean something big and bad was coming that was watching her in her own head. It couldn't mean that she was in trouble. It was just the same trouble Faith had all her life—Faith. And Faith wasn't enough to break this boy —this Champion--she was trying to save. So, she'd push the dreams the fuck out.


	18. Chapter 18

Summary: Hi all. So, the latest in the saga. Sorry it takes so long. Real life…grad school blah blah. I hope to have the next part out by Mid-March. There will be more Buffy, Willow/Kennedy and Connor soon. Remember how I love the feedback ;) –SB.

More or Less—Possession 

She was haunted, terrorized, with bits of horror in her sleep. She could only remember bits and pieces—bloody bits and pieces—when she was awake. Scores of horned demon's with rotting faces opening her stomach and eating it; a lover filling her up perfectly only to be ripped out of her arms and torn apart; a faceless old man hollowing her out with razor sharp tools and leaving something jagged and cold inside.

And death.

She could never remember how. She just knew there was no hero's reward in these dream deaths. They were pointless. She could only remember she died screaming and pleading; because all the times she died she was powerless. And alone. That was all she knew about the dreams and it wasn't like she was about to go into research mode to find out more. It was like forgetting where an open wound was on your body and searching for it and then dipping your salty finger in it for a second. It hurt so bad it made you forget where it was again.

She decided that she simply wouldn't sleep tonight. Whatever this was it would pass. These weren't the kind of dreams that had meaning. If they did it was probably more news she already knew, like she wasn't ready to go back to a mission that had moved on without her. Thanks, she got the memo. She'd remember that without a post-it now. She just wouldn't sleep. She'd just turn on some BBC TV and try to get into a show………….

She followed the light she saw. This place looked like an ordinary basement until it opened up into a huge pit. There were layers of jagged rock and winding stairs. There were bits of wall sculpture left over from a time that wasn't anywhere near now. She realized where she was. ---the mouth of hell. She had destroyed this thing. Well, she hadn't, not alone but… "_Remember," _a voice said from somewhere; maybe somewhere inside of her,_ "you can never destroy evil; not fully. But you can be The One, or The Other. And remember when it comes time to make a choice there is always The One and The Other. Own your choice, so others can own theirs."_

Had she just heard the first voice she ever heard? She turned, and saw no one. Her insides felt hallowed-out but she still felt great love for that voice. Even if she didn't get to see the person she loved more than anything because she was gone. Gone was something she never seemed to get for herself. She had been so alone in these dreams if she could just see….

Then she did see someone. Someone she didn't really feel like making eye contact with let alone talking to. She also saw the pit of The Hellmouth begin to swirl with smoky life, with evil.

"Same ol' house. Same ol' Chosen Two," the girl she didn't want to talk to drawled and smirked in that broken bad ass way she had.

"You opened The Hellmouth I worked so hard to close. Why?" she demanded of the girl.

"My turn I guess," the girl shrugged, "Just like: Are they my dream or are they yours? Doesn't matter does it? It's my turn to take what I need and I need you to die."

She looked strung out; her skin was so white it got lost in her long wild dark hair. Her face looked like a dying light in darkness, as she talked about taking. The Other. That was what this girl did; she took things that weren't hers. She took lives. Her hands were caked with old brown blood. She didn't need to look at The Other girl's hands to see blood. She knew it was there. The Hellmouth began to glow red as the white smoke began to funnel. She could feel the evil that came from it, the nightmares.

"It's you! You're doing this to me. Making me have these dreams. What have you done?" she demanded and it wasn't in numb dream-speak. She gritted her teeth.

"I created life from the death you brought. Three to the third with the little help from a rising bird. The derivation can be one or the other's destination. One or the other in both the strength does lye," The Other smiled, "So, you need to die."

Then she saw the other girl holding something that flashed of silver and sharpness—a weapon. She tackled the other girl with nothing but an angry grunt and the two of them tumbled around in darkness. She didn't know who was wearing white and who was wearing black.

She knew she was out for blood this time. She knew she wanted to kill and not die. She knew she wasn't going to stop until one of them was dead and that it wouldn't be her --not again! And she'd never die for this bitch. In fact she hadn't felt this alive in a while. The Hellmouth was now a burning red as the funneling smoke looked like a tornado as she attacked The Other.

She was alive! Alive as her fists met skin and crunched bones and drew blood. Alive, as she grabbed the shiny weapon that the bitch had. Alive, as she didn't even need to look at the cool shiny weapon she held to know it was beautiful and deadly. She plunged it into the other girl's chest with one clean brutal blow of life. She felt it sink into the other girl with an ease of violent grace. Her hands tingled with joy. Her body released at its success. She lived to destroy evil. She always lived. She was the Chosen One. She was The Slayer. She was Buffy.

The other girl's body seemed to blend in with the darkness and make her pale face and ruby painted pouty lips luminescent. As the buzz of her fresh kill wore off Buffy started to feel other things. She felt The Other's blood spill out onto her hands that were firmly around the weapon handle. She felt The Other's life slip out painfully through it. Buffy saw The Other's sad weak smile. She was Faith.

"We need to take from each other or they will, from inside out and outside in and then no soul will win," Faith said.

The Hellmouth had become a raging storm now. As the tornado thing grew it took the shape of a demon.

"Why do--What have you awakened? What do you want from me? You already have everything," she stopped and swallowed as feelings swirled into her. But, Buffy could feel Faith slipping. She could feel Faith had nothing. She was dying.

Buffy had killed Faith.

"What have you done?" Buffy said.

The Hellmouth began pouring out a new messier substance—blood. Faith just smiled sadly and patronizingly. She gasped and coughed and her blood was everywhere apart from the blood the Hellmouth spilled. A blood bath. This wasn't all neat and clean like when Buffy first tried killed her. She felt like she was dying too. If you killed The Other how were you The One? But she didn't care about that anymore. She didn't want to be the one. All she cared about was that this girl with the big soulful brown eyes was dying. She tried to put pressure on the wound and to her horror blood gushed between her fingers. Faith cried out in pain as she began to pull her knife out of her own chest. When Buffy helped Faith pull the weapon out she could feel the other girl's pain, sorrow, regret and bravery and something else she couldn't even give a name to burning over all of it. Whatever it was it made her want to cry like when her mother died.

Then she realized what they were both pulling out of Faith's broken powerful chest was not a weapon at all. She could hear The Other's insides squish as they pulled a heavy silver thread out. Both women grunted in agony as blood and pieces spilled out on them. It was Buffy who pulled it out in the end. It was a silver necklace with a heart shaped silver wire frame that framed small smooth amber stone. Buffy gazed at its simpleness and rich color before clasping her palm around it.

"You did it, B. You killed me," Faith smiled weakly her coolness back; "It's all yours. Fabulous prizes, The joining, The Derivation, The Completion. A new fridge, a honeymoon suite in Tahiti."

"I don't want--I am not a killer," Buffy said. That is what made her The One and Faith The Other.

"You'll do it, B. Unless you die you'll kill me and we'll lose it all. You're one of us now. How does that feel?" Faith asked and looked at Buffy's hand where she held Faith's necklace.

"No!" Buffy screamed and it wasn't just the words that made her do that.

She realized in her hand she wasn't holding an amber heart necklace. She was holding a heart, a human heart. Faith's heart. They always said your heart was as big as your fist so it made sense that some of it spilled out between her fingers. It was red and brown the color of guts, warm and disgusting. It still beat weakly with life and pain. Then before Buffy could drop it, it stopped beating. Faith lay lifeless and still and the Hellmouth began to rage as if it were going to erupt.

"NO!" Buffy screamed and jumped up out of the leather recliner with such force it was knocked on its side.

She looked at her trembling hands and saw nothing. She knew there was nothing there, least of all…What? What was it she was holding that could freak her out so much? More blood and guts? More death for a change? Great. She should try to remember. It could be important and people would want to know, but what could she say if she couldn't tell them anything other than she was afraid? Thank God Giles and Olivia were having a romantic night on the town because Giles just came back from wherever he had been. She didn't think she could convince them that she was this upset over the man-stealing that was going on in "The Footballers Wives."

She remembered to start breathing again as she picked up the chair. She was suddenly so glad to be in London. Of course, she had nightmares before. But she never had been so afraid. That's just what they needed in Sunnydale—a terrified Slayer. Terrified of what? She wasn't afraid to die. (But what if the death was pointless. Not hers. What if it meant nothing after everything that…) She certainly wasn't afraid to fight. She'd kill anything and everything to protect the things she loved and the world. (She never wanted to hurt anything anyone that was good or could be good, but what if they couldn't be good? She would hurt them. She would hurt the people she loved if she hurt the wrong things. If she went back and she wasn't ready she'd hurt them again. Especially if she was angry.)

For now she was ready to watch reruns of "Hex." She didn't really know what was going on but it was about a witch and her lesbian ghost friend, enough like home, right? Maybe too much. She changed the channel to the show with that family from LA who ran a funeral home and were always talking to dead people. Finally, she found a sitcom about married people who hated each other and that was supposed to be funny.

Buffy was glad the people she loved were happy and safe. At least happy and safe enough, Willow sounded down the last time they talked and she hadn't talked to Spike in a while, but what could she expect? He had a girlfriend. A real girlfriend. Faith was a real girlfriend and she gave up her Slayer power to save Spike. It was like someone said: make up a sentence of two things Faith would never be or do. It just sounded too weird to say out loud.

Dawn would be disappointed in her for thinking so much about this not to mention how Buffy being back would turn Dawn's life upside down if Buffy didn't do it just right. Beautiful Dawnie—her sister. No one could take her away. Buffy would always have a sister no matter what. But, Buffy had to do right by her now. Giles had reported that Dawn wasn't having any trouble. No shop-lifting, no love spells. Just a lot of studying. Buffy knew she hadn't set that example. Dawn couldn't know Buffy was back yet. Buffy would come back right this time. She'd be the best sister, the best friend, the best Slayer…that she could be.

She was on the other side of the world and she would join them when she could make them safe and happy. Soon. But she still had to wait until she was ready. This was what she needed for now. To stay awake alone.

As The Slayer slept Spike knew he could take on anything now. Things had gotten away from him for a bit. He understood Maggie Walsh's daughter coming at him and digging in his head for revenge. He really did. When Faith didn't want him anymore he became consumed with who had hurt her in the past and let his guard down. Spike forgot that there were still people that wanted to hurt Faith in the present, and they tried to do it through him. What he never did understand was why someone would think they could own this sodding world. Where was the passion in that? He forgot that a lot of big bads didn't get their kicks dancing with the Slayer. They were the big bads that wanted to own the world and end The Slayer. He supposed they were taking ideas from The First or Angelus. But it didn't matter. He was aware of them now, on top of his game.

Spike had never felt better that Buffy was in England and the world was still none the wiser. She needed to belong to herself for a bit and he knew she wouldn't like the killing that had to be done as of late. He knew Buffy would rise up and fight like a tiny ball of A-bomb-phoenix-fire when she was ready. Buffy always needed to mend her broken heart to be ready for a fight. Unlike Faith who was always ready, her heart always broken and bleeding as she fought. He realized how Faith was stronger than Buffy, and how she was far more fragile. She needed rest. Spike should be the one to think now.

Spike felt Faith's breathing deepen and slow along with her heart. Her eyes were shut and her beautiful bee-stung lips open. Her snoring, waxy skin and sour musk smell only seemed to make her more perfect. Like the artistic planned out imperfection on an Indian rug. Suddenly, her heart was no longer slowed. He could feel Faith's body tensing, fighting off the need for sleep, because of the troubling dreams she was having. Spike would have to work to quiet those.

He could feel his face frown for the first time in hours as Faith fought and won her war against sleep. He heard her breath jerk awake. But, she still lay with her face against his chest feeling no need to jerk her body back, because she knew it was safe with him. He smiled again even though he knew she needed sleep. He knew Faith would never do what he wanted, not in any way he could expect. Spike would have to work for it. That was good; he needed a challenge after all the pointless sleeping he himself had been doing. She was awake enough now to stop the cuddling. She rolled off of him with a groan. Slayers always needed an excuse for pure affection when fully conscious like sex or an apocalypse.

She had a troubled far away look in those stained glass window eyes. God, she was beautiful, eyes right down to the soul. She caught him looking at her and quickly went into a sexy grin and rubbed up his arm.

"Hey, soldier," she said rubbing his head Walsh's daughter had shaved.

He wasn't to happy about that but other things bothered him more.

"So, what unsightly dream woke you? Were you high school cheerleader again?" he asked lightly.

He knew her real nightmares were nothing to take lightly, but the last thing she needed was to be questioned about one.

"They're all so bitchy yet perky and they keep demanding I do back-flips," she said, "But it wasn't that dream it was--- I think I was reciting poems or saying rhymes and then—"

She paused and bit her big pouty lips and licked them.

"I can't remember. Nothing good. It was probably just another dream about you, where they open up your head. That's been a reoccurring theme for some reason," she said.

"I'm back, love. You saved me and you never have to worry about my head. It always finds its way out of trouble. And now that it's out of it again It's time I put it to good use."

"Is this the part where I'm supposed to take off and fly with that pun?" She smirked.

How could he not love this girl? He laughed and brushed her hair out of her face. The rule of not showing pure affection never applied to him of course. He wasn't a Slayer and he could touch her with constant tenderness as he talked of battle. She didn't push him away.

"As much as it pains me, no," he said, "This is the part where you tell me who's been trying to kill you while I've been napping and we figure out a plan."

"No one really," she shrugged making her bare breasts bounce, "That scientist bitch wasn't really government. She had a falling out with her Uncle Sam and went rogue and I blew her away so…"

"So what of our Prophecy and The Rhosobi demons that want to make dead us for it?"

"Our Prophecy?" Faith snorted, "See you did lose a synapse or two when they dug in your head. You were the one that said they were wrong. That Prophecy is about B and Angel screwing back in the day and Angelus getting a hard-on to end the world. You said they only think it's us 'cause they have an off calendar."

"'Fraid it's our Prophecy now, love. They've been givin' us the credit for so long now," he said.

"No way!" Faith said, "I am not getting blamed for this one! We may rock the world when we screw, but we don't end it. Who knows what it's about anyway? Turns out there are all these sects and groups with in The Rhosobi's. Some think The Prophecy is all about The Slayer doing something with the vamp to end the world. Others seem the think it's all about the Slayer ending their horny little race and who she's hanging with doesn't really matter. They seem to be so busy offing each other with their Holy wars; I couldn't see why a Slayer would waste her time ending them. That was until I found out they had something to do with handing you over to Walsh. Now The Slayer ending their race is my all time favorite version of their crazy-ass Prophecy. "

"I know you didn't get all these new tidbits from reading out of books by the bruises on you," he said as he caressed her bruised face.

He knew lecturing on the dangers of fighting while no longer having the physical Slayer power would be a waste of time. Spike was just happy to hear that she was referring to herself as The Slayer again even though she had given up the punching power to save his life.

"Some of it I did get from books. Well, Dawn did," she said, "But, I can actually sit still long enough to read some thanks to prison. But, you're right. I'm still the hands-on type. I got my hands on this weak Rhoshobi demon's face and she sang. She was with this really tall grizzled demon that had this whole Tom Waits demon face thing going on. Song-John or something. He wants to kill Connor for some other prophecy. We gotta watch that too."

"Sahjahn. He's after the boy? Well, aren't Inter-dimensional time travelers a' changing? What happened to the days when they used to just brag at you in a pub?" Spike sighed.

"I know Connor can hold his own but--"

"Connor is one of ours. So, it's our fight no matter what, but now it seems Sajhan has teamed up with our enemies," Spike said, "Now they'll all be in one place. I'd love to say that makes it easier but you don't know Sajhan."

"I met him and held my own. From what I picked up Angel did make it easier," Faith said, "The dude used to be all non-corporeal and Angel did something to make him solid."

"With what? His new Wolfram and Hart toys?" Spike scoffed, "You can't magic lawyer a big bad like Sajhan away. You don't know how old and powerful Sahjahn is, love. Angel wouldn't know how to make a bloke like that solid in a hundred years."

"So, Angel finally got you all solid about thirty years ago?" Faith beamed, "Why couldn't I have walked through that memory? Screw all those Jane Eyre memories with mummy and B."

Spike saw Faith's eyes light up like Christmas when he got his cue to go into demon face and strip the crisp hospital covers off of her. He laid her flat on the bed as he growled, nipped, and poked her in her delicate little tummy that shook with huge gales of laughter. He always knew just when she had enough. He could stop it right when Faith's last breath was for laughing and cursing him; right before it turned into gasping for air.

"I'd be dangerous if I was on the wrong side," she caught her breath as she traced the ridges in his demon face, "I know how to trigger that demon outta you like no one's business. I could make you into a fighting machine without ever touching your brain."

Faith's voice got lower and whisper as she stroked Spike now crew cutted head. It had become much too difficult to stay in demon face suddenly. She rubbed his head in circles as she spoke. He vowed he would keep shaving his head in this fashion forever. He lay his head down on her breasts.

"That's right, love. You own everything in me," Spike purred, "Every piece. Demon, man and soul and you didn't have to risk yourself just for the brain. Been told at times it's not my best feature, but I'm trying to change that."

"It wasn't just your brain they took it was..." her chest bounced with a swallow, "I couldn't let them do that, not to you. I couldn't let them steal the best pieces from a dude that never sold them. 'Cause I know even when you were evil, even when you lived for the rush, it never owned you. I didn't save you because I--- I saved you because what they were doing to you was wrong. No one should own you."

"You know the only thing that stops you is your bloody inability to listen," he thought his voice was going to come out with a lilting stride, but instead it was a shaky, "Did I not just say you own me full and outright, Faith? You can make a man feel like he said the opposite words he intended."

For a second he wished she would stop surprising him. Here he was setting her up to give her a good wisecrack on his brain and she comes out with something like that. It would have all been worth it-- the torture, the cutting, the living his worst memories. Worth it just to get this hair cut he never would have thought of in a century so he could get this bloody good- practically orgasmic- head rub. Worth it so he could lay on her breasts and feel her heart beat and smelled her smell as she poured out this love poetry to him. It would have all been worth it if he hadn't heard her voice break a little.

"I heard you, English," she said, "I've just never was that big on ownership. Possession was a whole other thing though. I never had much, so what I needed I took. Nothin' was ever really mine, but I got it anyway. Guess it would serve me right if people tried to take stuff away from me and turn it against me. So, no one should belong to me. See how complicated it gets?"

He went to flip them over so he was the one holding her, but he stopped when he felt her body resist. She held onto his head. He felt every hair stand at attention and wait to be brushed under her hands. Then her fingertips circled over the hair that covered the small but deep cut in his head and he cooed like a kitten.

"No, you just like to make it that way 'cause you're a Slayer. Can't you see nothing could turn me against you by now?"

"Yeah, you're my obedient soldier" she said as she broke away from him her eyes had that look of misery before she smiled, "That's why you stalked me when I was burning the soul out of you, beat up Wes, went to Boston to kill a guy---"

"Ugh," he groaned, "That was never me turning against you. That was me tryin' to save you. Maybe you're just making things complicated 'cause you're a woman."

"Yeah, us chicks are complicated mazes; all against suicide, vengeance and murder when we were all for it years ago. I was never worried about you turning against me. You're about the only one—It's just something that happens when I get too close to people. I make them nuts."

He forced his head away from her lap with a sudden jerk, like ripping off a bandage.

"I won't do what others have done, Faith," he said, "I won't hurt you."

"You still don't get it, short-bus" she said, "I made them---They didn't hurt me. I hurt them. I brought out all the bad in them. Luckily, now I piss off people who hold their bad shit in their alter-ego demons or people like Robin, who hardly has a drop of bad in him but--"

"When my demon came out to kill it was only brought out by me. You never did anything but bring out the man in me along with the demon. You're the first—the only that made me bring everything out whole," he said.

"Well, keep bringing it like that," she said. She looked happy, but tired.

"If I shop at Wal-mart here and get a new magic car that has the not-making-me-a-pile-of-dust-feature, do you promise to sleep while I drive us home?"

Faith smiled her big smile. It came out during the word "home." They had to leave this place. She may not believe it was evil, but she hated hospitals. He knew she had been in here with him and he hated to think about how little she must have slept.

"Believe me; no one wants to get back to protecting all those little suburbanites in Sunny D more than me. Since you rose it up from the ground and I accidentally opened the Hellmouth I guess it really is our town now, huh?" Faith said sitting up as her breasts spilled out of the blanket, "But we can't go anywhere yet, buzz-cut boy. I know your body's fine, real fine, and your soul is in the same candy assed shape. All that cheesy chivalrous pillow talk..."

Spike dare not say anything about how she didn't complain at the time. Faith was flushed enough and her eyes looked everywhere but at him. She bit back the biggest of grins. He didn't. He full on smiled at her.

"But," she said looking at him with those set round eyes, "You need to get checked out by Fred."

"You're still worried about me. Love, I'm—"

"Don't get all chocked up. I just want to take full advantage of this place before we go back. You are my strongest soldier after all. Plus, Angel is supposed to be showing up to help me kill you, remember?," she smirked "It'll be cool to show him we actually did something right for a change and killing his grand-childe is not something he has to stress about."

"Yeah, poor busy Angel and his jet-setting super hero life. There's some kitten caught in a tree in Uganda, I bet. The last time you talked to the old poof he thought he was coming here to see me euthanized and he doesn't even bother to show on time. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd drop whatever world-saving activity I was doing and I'd be here with bells on."

"Spike, do you know how many times we've ended up in doing it on some thousand dollar mattress instead of dead because of Angel because I lost count?"

"They're Wolfram and Hart's cozy beds, love. Angel's just renting. And this time he saved us gets canceled out because Wes, one of Angel's administration, helped cause this unnatural disaster by giving me over the terrorists so they could try to make me a weapon of mass destruction."

"Angel had nothing to do with Wes giving you over to The Initiative and you know it. Just like you know he was the one that brought here and saved you ass," Faith had her arms folded now.

He was able to get in a few more warnings about Angel's empire crumbling than usual. It was probably due to the fact that he had woken up from a mystical death coma. But, now Faith was at her limit.

"Am I going to have to go over this with you again?" he said softly as he pulled her into him "You saved me. If Angel had nothing to do with trying to turn me into a vampire borg then he had nothing to do with saving me either. You can't have it both ways, love."

She softened in his arms instantly. More quickly then she ever had. She was beginning to believe him, or maybe it was because his hand was teasing her between her legs.

"But, I like having it both ways," she said as her hand came up between his legs more gently than her voice in his ear. She cradled him; held him; her fingers circled like they had in the ridges in his demon face. God.

"I've got a vamp with a soul after all," she said.

"After all, you do," he said with his eyes shut. "And you can have anything any way you like, love."

"Then I want a less filling mission that still tastes great," she said, "I want the resources of a corporation with that grass-roots mission feel."

"I don't think—"he opened his eyes to look at her and withdrew his hand from in between her legs.

"You say I'm still The Slayer that I still have power,"she said looking over at him with gravity now, "Well, then you gotta trust me. I think B was really onto something with that whole sharing power thing. I know I can't have what she had—all The Slayers. I'd just fuck it up anyway. I know I don't deserve to be the one who calls all the shots like her. Hell, I wouldn't wanna be."

She knitted her brows like what she said had surprised her.

"All of us seem to fuck up big, besides B," she sighed, "So, maybe we have to switch who's on top sometimes. Maybe sharing power means there is no top. I dunno. But, I do know I want us all to work together. Keep each other in check. I think that's the only way to do it up right. Like I would know."

She grinned. He took a breath. This was a rare opportunity. She was full on admitting her insecurities about The Mission.

"I know you know far more than you think you do, and I always trusted you," he said, "I only question you when you aren't treating yourself…"

She was putting on her bra, red tank top, and black jeans. Damn. He never should've broken away from her.

"Where do you think you're going?" he grumbled, "You've had about a half hour sleep."

"That's how I keep my cat-like reflexes," she said as she stepped around the floor she was scanning it.

"Ow! Fuck!" she grumbled as she stubbed her toe on the hospital bed-rail that he had torn off the bed in the heat of the blindingly good shagging.

"You aren't leaving this bed until you had proper sleep in it or if I get you to a cozier one, Slayer."

He quickly stepped in front of her before she stepped on any on the medical equipment that he also knocked to the floor. Faith seemed to be able to stand a lot of him today. So, he decided to go with a commanding approach to get her to sleep. He would probably more convincing if he had a stitch of clothes on. It would at least a lead to an argument, shagging, and then sleep. He could tell she had some idea in her head and was set on leaving.

"Sure, boss," she smiled her mischief smile, "Sounds like someone wants to play stern Watcher and naughty Slayer."

Faith was the one that walked him back to the bed and sat him down on it. All right. He should go into a deadly mystical coma and wake more often. No! He didn't just wake-up. She had almost died—twice, and now here she was happy but clearly exhausted.

"I want you to sleep," he said, "Whatever you are getting up to get--- I'll fetch it. It's time to switch. It's my turn to care for you."

"Eeow," Faith laughed as she jumped in his lap, "Doting Watcher and bratty Slayer. One of my faves. Who am I kidding? They're all my favorites. I promise I'll be back for the next inning in a sec. Ready to switch hit and play Watcher and Slayer however you want... except for chains."

"I do not want to play…" he began as she looked at him with extremely mockingly innocent doe-eyes, "Well, maybe one round. But, then you sleep. Now tell me what it is you want, Slayer and I'll get it for you."

"There's no way you can get me what I need. No one can. Some things you just have to do for yourself," she said.

"Faith, you need sleep. Please, love," he said and he caressed her face.

She immediately closed her eyes with a smile, but then she forced her eyes open.

"For a hard-assed Watcher you're kind of soft, Princess Margaret," she said for an instigating smile.

"If you want to see a hard-ass King vampire try leaving, Slayer. Third and final time. Tell me what you want and I'll get it," he said in a stern seductive whisper.

The one that made women far crazier and far more stubborn than her submit if only for a moment so they could beat him later.

"Okay, big bad," she laughed "I want to pee and I'm really not into golden showers, so can you get me a bathroom break?"

"Oh," he said, "Well, all right."

He was very good at knowing what her body needed. He could tell when she was tired, hurt or even hungry. But he was completely in the dark when it came to when she had to go to the loo.

"All right?" Faith laughed, "Wow, you are sucking at roll playing today. That was too easy."

"Go to the loo," he said, "But your orders are to come straight back. Or you will have a right full resurrected vampire to answer to. And I love excuses to come after Slayers when they are weak, tired, and naughty. As long as I'm undead and kicking you'll still have me ensuring you take care of yourself, Slayer."

"Yeah," she smiled complete with dimples, "You suck at roll playing today. You're all over the place. You're a tight ass Brit Watcher, you're a vampire, you're a daddy. You're all over the map. If you just had focus you could rule the world, dude."

"World's not what I want," he said.

He was focused. More focused than he had ever been in his life. He could hear her breath; her heart beat. As she walked past him where he sat on the bed it probably looked to her like he was watching the LA sunset behind the special glass. She had always wanted him to take advantage of Angel's glass, but he didn't give a toss about daylight and sunsets and all that scenic crap. All his senses were on her. She smelled like lust and too worn clothes. She looked like she could sleep for a week. But her doe eyes sparkled with the dark rings around them. Her mouth was out stretched into a smile fit for a devil. She was giddy.

"Yeah, right. Who would want the world?" she laughed as she strutted away, "We just have to save it is all."

He reached back and grabbed hold of her hand as she walked past.

"Kiss me," he commanded.

She turned to his back and tilted his head for an upside down kiss that was a little unlike them—deep but soft.

"That's my good Slayer," he whispered, "Now come back in two minutes to sleep, and I promise no matter what you dream I'll still be here when you wake and we can pick up who's turn it is to be on top from there."

She looked at him upside down and wide eyed. Her body trembled slightly. She nodded seriously and smiled when she began to turn away.

Faith was a very complex woman. Spike put on his jeans and boots. She hadn't come back in the two minutes Spike had clearly set. He would think something happened to her, but he knew her too well. Though he thought she was going to listen this time. So, this was the way she wanted to play it today. Set a limit and the Slayer goes over it and there are consequences. Naughty Slayer. She was going to be punished for not following orders. Spike hadn't worked out the details but he was pressing up against his jeans just thinking about it. They had made love for a few hours, so now it was time for the games. Even though she was much too tired for them.

He had a brilliant idea to try to use a bit of thrall to get her to sleep. He knew she would love the idea as she loved all of his vampire tricks. But he didn't know if he could really do it. He never really tried. It was Dru's thing. He was thinking about what the side effects of thrall might be when he felt the air change and he looked up.

"Balls!" he rolled his eyes at the man in front of him, "I knew you were going to show sooner or later. But why come and ruin today? Can't I have one perfect day? I swear, ever since I got this bloody soul I can't get in one full good day. I mean, is there some kind of rule that you can't have a full good day? That some sod has to come and bollix it up? I'm truly asking. You're a man that would know."

"I honestly don't think much about my soul anymore. I think pieces of it might have floated off over the years with various deals," Alistair Crowley said, "Oh yes, there was that bit I sold to The First Earl of Liverpool and then the Prince of Lies. I never felt a thing. You demons are so literal when it comes to matters of the soul."

Alistair said like it was some twitty Opera he was watching from his view box. Spike really didn't know what he wanted and he didn't care. He was going to kill him. He did not like men like him on principle. Spike wanted to kill old Al back when he had no soul, but unfortunately they had to do business. Spike walked up to the old coot who looked as rosy and as spry in his brown Brooks Brothers suit as he did in the 1970s and that wasn't due to Rentin-A.

"And I'll be very literal when it comes to matters of ripping off bits of your body. I promised to kill you, remember?" Spike rose, "You may have Wood fooled but I know you never wanted to help Faith when you removed her Slayer power. After all, we know how you helped his mum by giving me all the who-what-where so I could kill her. I'll be sure to get around in telling Wood how---"

The old man raised his hand and a sort of clear visible ray flew out of it. Bloody magic. Spike felt himself fly back into the hospital room wall. He had taken the remaining attached bed railing with him. Spike was surprised he hadn't broken it off already. But, now he was mad because there would be nothing to tie Faith to.

"You will do no such thing," Alistair uncharacteristic fierceness.

Al was in the opera now. Why? Because Spike said something about exposing him to Robin Wood. He cared what Robin thought of him.

"You're a funny one, Al. What exactly is your plan with Robin Wood, anyway?"

Spike still struggled to get up from the large chunks of wall around him. Maybe Spike wasn't in his finest shape after the coma. No, he had felt right as rain the minute he woke. There was an extra spice in Al's magic. He knew killing this old man wouldn't be easy, and he'd really prefer to do it another time. Faith was waiting for him and there was the small fact that Al's family had adopted her Ex. She wouldn't like this battle. He'd need some time to get her to understand Alistair was evil. He should just get the old man to leave for now; It was probably his best bet to go with his distracting –the-enemy-with-their- emotional-weaknesses routine. One of his favorites.

"It's been a good thirty years you've been harvesting Robin Wood," Spike grinned at the old man as her got up, "What's the plan? You want to go black when this wrinkled-sack-of- bones body finally gives out? Not that we don't both know…"

Suddenly, it became painfully difficult for Spike to get his lips apart.

"Robin Wood had the unfortunate fate of being born to a belligerent whore with no class or breeding. But unlike a loathsome beast like you who gave his class and breeding up, I knew he had vast potential if he were to be given it," Al said as his eyes glowed red and red veins began to rise from his face.

Spike couldn't help but notice a lot was new with Al and his powers as his lips were sewn shut. Then, he felt sudden was pain. Physical agony. Ripping apart his head and down to his whole body. He heard Alistair Crowley speaking. It was like someone had rapped barbed-wire along his muscles under his skin and turned on electricity with power of the sun. It was wrapped around his throat so he couldn't scream. No release. He was crumbled on the floor like a bag of bones.

"I only want for him what I would want for my own son. It's lineage, a kinship. It's a bond of selfless purity that you would never understand. It's just a shame my own blood was nothing but a bunch of sniveling nancys not worthy of my name. Hence, I am forced to partake in escapes like this," Alistair said calmly now as he was back to his pleasant old man form.

Suddenly the pain was gone as fast as it had come.

"Oh dear. I can't get too carried away" Al tisked and Spike felt his mouth release from its hold, "Your vile demon parts are still working I hope. I do want it in working order for a bit. It's just ever since I got this new power my urges are so gripping."

"So, what is this little S&M Magic show all about? You're here to kill me so Faith will go back to Wood? No, it can't be that," Spike made himself stand before Alistair, "Wood'd never want that. He may've fought dirty when Faith didn't want me. But now I'm hers again and he'd never hurt her by taking me away. Whatever evil you tried to raise him with his mum and your nancy son knocked it back."

"Indeed, and what's even more a shame is that I can't just simply kill you and hand The Slayer to Robin. It would all be so simple if I could just enact such sophomoric plan such as that and have it all come together, but we live in a complex world," Alistair sighed as he stroked his neatly trimmed white beard, "I wonder how you survived in it all these years, William with such simple thinking?"

"Strong women often have my back," Spike said, "And what about you, Al? You're lookin' good. Certainly packing a punch. What's your secret?"

"A gentleman never tells," Alistair said.

"Right," Spike drawled, "Well, let me tell you what I think. I think while strong women have my back you've built a little tower of power for yourself on the backs of strong women."

"Do you now?" Alistair chirped.

"Yeah, I remember how you fed off the brains of little girls, but I suppose after all this time you have built up a bit of a tolerance and you needed to move on to something bigger and badder to live a little or a lot longer," Spike said.

"If you think I'm here for your daft mind I don't think I'll be living any longer due to the fact that I'll have died laughing."

"Of course not," Spike scoffed, "You're here for someone much stronger than me. The only girl ever to survive your magic—mine. Faith is built like a piece of iron. You could take anything away from her and she'd still fight. You got a taste of her strength from your rudding magic and now you're back for more. And you know you'll have to kill me to try it. "

"Oh my," the old man said after he let out a big laugh, "Now I think I really will die laughing. The only thing that is strong about that little cunny is her ability to fail. That's why she's the perfect hole to plug up, I suppose."

Spike was stunned again, but it wasn't due to magic. He'd never expect language like that to come out of the old Englishman's mouth. Spike was so surprised by the words he missed all their meaning.

"Maybe that is why so many men have tried to fill the empty dank hole she offers," Al went on, "Would you like me to tell you the exact number of men that have filled her? I was inside her mind and I saw them, but I think in my feeble old age I lost count of them all. I can just assure you the number of men she opened the hole for greatly out weighed those who had to force it open. Do you know what The Watchers would do if a Slayer like her was called back in my---"

Spike now understood Al very clearly. He was trying to anger Spike more than Spike had angered him. It worked. He felt his muscles pulse with hatred as he ran at the old man. He was just like all The East End snobs that thought they were what spun the world when they couldn't see true beauty as it lay right in front of them. He was just like all of those vulgarians Spike enjoyed killing in his evil day whose heads he popped off like flowers of ugly weeds. He didn't have much time to think about how he would enjoy popping Alistair Crowley's head most of all because he was stopped by the barbed-wire pain again and it had him on the floor like a worthless bag again.

"Poor simple William," Alistair's laugh was jolly now, "Almost as simple as his weak little lover."

"What have you done to her? Where is she? If you hurt her I'll—"

Spike struggled to speak with the pain, knowing he couldn't do much of anything, but had to do something.

"I know what you are going to do more than you do right now, old friend. Wouldn't you say? As far as your girl I've done nothing and will do nothing as far as anyone will know. I believe she's showering now trying to wash the filth off of herself, I suppose. Really, if she did that there'd be nothing left."

Through the pain Spike looked up at Alistair Crowley. He felt something worse than pain—fear. He saw the old man's eyes squint with hatred when he talked of Faith. He didn't see Faith as an annoying amusement like he did everything else. He hated her and that was dangerous.

"All the trouble you two have been," he said and when he looked down at Spike his detached smile was back on, "You weren't supposed to wake up until I woke you. Then again before that you were supposed to be a soldier—controllable. You were certainly supposed to kill your Slayer-whore. You are a bothersome tool to use, William. It's a good thing you can be used so many ways."

"I—It was you who helped Walsh's daughter-- The New Initiative. You did that spell-- so they could dig out my head to make me kill Faith.—You wanted—Why not just kill me?" Spike sputtered through the pain.

"Simple demon. You are not fitting of any prophecy. The reason I wanted to squash you and your Slayer was because I wanted to control The Prophecy, make it mine; get my line back in order—at last. And I just love working with those science types. They are delightful with all their little tools and tests and probable answers," Alistair's smile faded quickly his face darkened.

"I couldn't very well do it by killing The Slayer myself. She is so used having men inside of her that my being inside of her mind didn't phase her and even with all this new power I can't control her. Her mind is so feeble I can't even read her thoughts fully. I can only watch her and get mere whispers of her lascivious and doting thoughts about you and prattling nonsense about the mission and the garbage television and music she fills her head with. I never in my years have witnessed a Slayer so idle. Why on Earth would anyone care if the demons that were out to kill them were able to fornicate? What feeble mind would think about how a fictional cheerleader on a television program needs to be saved while in reality it is young girls that do the saving? It blocks out all her suffering and I can gain no power from her. She's nothing but a shell."

Spike laughed through the pain. He knew he should feel nothing but pain and terror, but for a moment all he could see was an old prat who was flustered that his old fashioned magic tricks failed to manipulate a strong modern woman. A wonderful woman who was so much stronger than she knew who had "lascivious" and "doting" thoughts about Spike who could now only lie on the floor immobilized by the old man's magic. The old man frowned at Spike's laughing and Spike found his lips forced shut again.

"Thank you," Alistair said as he looked down at Spike, "You're reminding me I do get carried away at times. It fails to matter how ill fitting she is for The Prophecy. What matters is making The Prophecy mine. See, if I were a simpler man like you I would have lost patients long ago and killed you both in some crushing vulgar way. Oh, how I would weep for opportunities lost. You see, I lived long because I know how to shift my tactics. It's all going to be so much grander this way. It does go to show that out of the worst situations the best can be born I suppose. Oh, I should give you some last words I suppose."

"Maybe you're not as old as I thought," Spike said as he felt just his lips release and the pain subside a little.

"Haven't you learned that you can't control the Slayer line yet?" And You can't hurt Faith. Robin, Robin would never want---"

"I'm not going to kill the nasty little nymph. She has many more uses than you do in this particular situation. As far as my hurting her, well I think she deserves some pain and suffering because lord knows she's not worthy of the gift I'm going to give her. Robin may not want me to hurt her, but he's used to the idea of you doing so, and people believe what they see. And your whore will believe what she feels."

"I would never!" Spike roared and sat up but found he couldn't move beyond that, "There's no spell you could cast, no torture you twisted Warlock brain could come up with that would make me---"

"I told you, William. I'm not a Warlock anymore. I'm a god. Gods take the dead, William." the old man said as he walked towards Spike, "They aren't tired magician necromancers that need permission. Gods take the dead places whether they are ready to go or not."

Alistair looked like he was going to step on Spike, but there was a chill and Spike realized the old man was stepping inside of him. He had control of his body. Oh God!

"Now you're getting it," Alistair said in a joyful voice that Spike recognized as his own.

He was trapped inside his head again. Only this time it was much much worse. Worse than he ever imagined. He couldn't feel, couldn't talk, couldn't save…He couldn't save Faith. He had to watch as Alistair…He wouldn't let Alistair do anything. He would yell so loud in his head that he'd will the disgusting man out of his body.

"My! This is fun. I think I'm beginning to understand the joy of toying with one's victims. I know you always enjoyed it," Alistair said with a laugh unaffected as Spike struggled, "I suppose it's not proper. Though it's not as if other gods never did it. There's the book of Job. Is your Faith being tested, William? She will be in many unmentionable ways I'm afraid. My now I'm punning. This is rather delightful. I always just charmed and deceived but toying is very pleasing I think."

TBC…


	19. Chapter 19

Summary: Still riding the high that Spike is saved from his coma Faith wants to play one least game before they get back to work. But players have shifted.

More or Less—"I Know You"

Faith wanted to mess with Spike's head a little. They were playing good Slayer and Watcher. But, Faith realized she never was the good Slayer and as far as kink with her man went that was okay. She also realized she stank like shit in a prison latrine and that wasn't okay. She really needed a shower. So, she was disobeying Watcher orders that she get back to him directly after a bathroom break.

She asked Fred if she could use the Wolfram and Hart's science lab shower. Of course the little waif tripped all over herself with Southern hospitality to let Faith use it. She went on about how happy she was that Spike was awake; and how she'd be more than happy to check Spike's head out again; as soon as she got done with this new formula for some demon-woman-hating virus that was reoccurring due to yap yap yap; she was so sorry it was taking so long… Faith wondered what it was like to be so yappy and smart and pure through and through. She'd never know.

Faith was a dirty girl through and through and it made her smile as the shower rained down on her. The water soothed her bruised face and ran through her curves she knew she'd still be dirty, tired and unsure when she was done—and she giggled. That is if ever giggled in her life she was doing it now.

She felt the water hit her teeth and pepper her mouth. Her face was aching from smiling. She was really losing it and Spike was right she needed sleep. Spike was alive and he was right and it made her shake with laughter. Spike was alive and waiting for her in a hospital room in Wolfram & Hart with millions of dollars of vampire medical equipment and if that wasn't funny enough; Spike swore Faith was the thing that had saved his life.

There was no talking to him about how crazy it was to think that her stupid ass mind-trip spell worked over every smart medical thing they did at Wolfram & Hart. With Spike being alive came his stupid opinions about Angel and Wolfram & Hart. Not to mention all his romantic crap.

Nothing could change him. Nothing could kill him. He was still alive and he still was insisting it was all because of Faith. Nothing took him out, not slicing open his head, or black magic, or killing him, not even Faith being Faith.

Where was her little limey romance captain anyway? He should have sniffed her out by now. With his bad-acting stern Watcher face that always breaks into that thin grin. She'd make this shower steam up for him. If he came in now he'd probably tell her what a naughty little Slayer she had been for testing him. How she needed to be spanked or some Brit kink like that. He'd always go soft in the end saying he wouldn't give up on her and all that shit. Then, he'd have that guilty pleading puppy face and he'd say she had to rest.

But, it wasn't like Faith cared about his acting job when he could win Oscars for direction and stunts. He had this way of wrapping around her in the shower. He pushed his chest into her back and she could feel him rub up against the very top of her ass. His mouth would be right at ear level when he would tell her she had been bad, and didn't she know he would find her? _A good Watcher always knows where their Slayer is and you are my Slayer. Best not forget that. Now are you going to be a good girl, or are we going to have a problem?_ They were going to have a problem. But, they'd work it out. Didn't they always?

Faith rinsed herself off and felt her mouth was tight. He should be here by now. Something was holding him up. If Angel had come and Spike was being an ungrateful asshole about Wolfram and Hart saving them again he'd be the one in trouble. She got out of the shower and dried herself with these really awesome fluffy towels that seemed to magically appear. So that meant Fred had left them for her. She'd have to figure out a way to thank Fred. Thanking really sweet girls that were smart kind of made Faith nervous. They could get all emotional and want to hug or something.

Faith walked down the fluorescent white hall and back to Spike's former coma room. Even though her hair was wet and tangled and she had put back on her dirty jeans and red tank top. Wolfram and Hart people were giving her nods and looks like she was someone important.

Okay, the Honeymoon was over. Hooking up with your man, after you almost killed him, just to have to break up with him because you found out he beat up your old Watcher wasn't much of a Honeymoon. Neither was having your man go nuts due to the break up and torture and murder the guy that screwed you up as a kid. Come to think of it, neither was having your old Watcher turn your man over to be mind-fucked, and having to kill the bitch that did the mind-fucking. But, literally going into his brain with magic to save him turned out to be fun. All and all it was a decent Honeymoon if you were a Slayer. And, Faith supposed that even if she got permanently kryptonited to save Spike, she still was the damn Slayer.

They all still seemed to need her, and those demons were still after her, so she had to be worth something. Even if she wasn't, Faith had to get everyone together and back to the Mission. Maybe all the Willow/Kennedy magic/relationship problems were too touchy-feely for her to handle. But, she was one of the few people that Spike and Connor would listen to, and she had to get on their asses to guard this Hellmouth. Not to mention keep them from getting killed. She had no doubt they could do that for her, but they were really bad at doing it for themselves. Not to mention she had to keep them from doing other really stupid shit in general, like fighting with Angel.

Faith burst into the room expecting to find Spike arguing with Angel. Instead she found him lounging on the bed that was tightly made. He had picked up all the medical equipment and put it on the shelves near the bed. He had even tapped up where the broke the glass in the window with super thick tape. This is what he'd been doing?

"Shut the door and lock it," he said and she did.

"Yeah, I think the room is sound-proof, but I didn't think that was your thing," she walked over to him smiling.

"There's something to be said for privacy," he said not bothering to look up at her.

He was reading some magazine about the economy. He had this weird look on his face, like he was actually reading the article and he really hadn't cared she busted in looking for him in with a freshly cleaned body and dirty clothes that stank with sex. He was quiet. After a while, like 30 seconds, it was obvious he was doing it on purpose. This was her punishment for not coming back right away.

"You know the cold shoulder routine only makes me more of a bad Slayer," she said as she slid in next to him, "You're off your game."

It was all true, unless his game was trying to get her to be the one to play first. In which case that was lame, the silent treatment game was never anything she cared to win.

"Oh, no, little girl. This game is so far beyond you, you can't even imagine," he said as he looked at her now with this eerie calm face.

"So, we're playing stake-up-the-ass Watcher who acts like he's better than me. Because he can't screw me," Faith said and smiled rolling on to her stomach, "Because it's wrong. I love this one."

"A thing like you knows nothing of love, family, what needs to be sacrificed to keep their purity," he scoffed in a good tight assed way and put the magazine down "The only thing you know is deviant desires that you mistake for love."

"Well, I'll show you mine than you show me yours," she said as she rolled on her side and began unbuttoning the buttons on his red shit. The one she'd never actually seen buttoned at all let alone to the top like this. He was trying to even dress the part, so she could undress it no doubt.

"You can slum with my dirty nasty filthy deviant--- love," she said.

She knew that damn word was going to stick in her throat, but she could just put it off on roll playing.

"And then you can show me how you do it in tea-drinking tight ass land," she finished unbuttoning the shirt, "with all that purity and sacrifice. I'm guessing there's a lot of tweed and punishments and more boring talk about how love hurts."

He did his best to look very unimpressed until her hand ran up his chest and then he looked amazed, like they never touched before. For that, she pounced on him and cupped the curve of his mouth and pulled his shirt off. His mouth was still and first, then he kissed back all sloppy and greedy. He was even keeping the kisses in character. She'd have to guide the clueless Watcher around sex. This game wasn't such a bad idea. She loved the way his body jumped and yielded to her. It was peeled and soft and hard in the right places. When she brushed her face against his neck and licked it she could still smell him—taste him. She shouldn't have taken so long to get back.

"Oh my, this body does throw itself into all the senses when The Slayer is around, doesn't it? It was quite destined to do this," he muttered with a little moan.

She was about to laugh when her eyes went to the right and noticed that the room got a lot more trashed while Spike was cleaning up. There was a crater in the wall that she would have remembered making if it happened during the previous screwing.

"Hey, what the hell happened to the wall? Angel came and you said some smart ass thing to piss him off and he chucked you into that wall, didn't he? You know Angel has--"

"---already done the greatest things he will ever do. He brought you to me. Only you can give me what I need to change my world. You never were an ordinary Slayer. It's no wonder The Council of imbeciles lost you. I certainly won't. You are The One, you awful lustful demon girl," he said as he held her face and searched it.

Okay, so he was doing a bang-up job on this pent-up Watcher routine, so he wouldn't have to tell her he pissed off Angel. She could call him on it, but why ruin the moment. She was the one that wanted to play this game. And she'd play it up right.

"Yeah, what makes you so different from all the other tweed dweebs?" she did her best teenage brat, "You say I'm somethin' special. But how do I know you aren't just gonna be like all the other Watchers?"

She loved the way his body leaned into her finger tips. Her hands glided down to his pants. But before she could grab a hold of them her hands were up over her head and she grunted from being rolled over so fast.

"Because I'm not a Watcher," he smiled a big smile as he looked down at her and gave her wrists a squeeze, "I was beyond that before your Great Grandmother was laying on her back in that filthy gypsy country to gain herself passage to this ignorant one. I've taken Slayers for training, taken their souls, their minds, their lives. I've taken them every way imaginable. Now, after all this time, it is so amusing to me that with all the power I have taken. It all has amounted to taking something any man can take—you."

"Okay, points for keeping me guessing," Faith smiled at his serious chiseled cheeks and jagged lips, "You're an evil vamp come to ravage the Slayer. But this isn't old evil Spike. Even when you were evil you were too much of a Mama's boy to say that about somebody's Great Gran. You'd get an Oscar for roll playing if you hadn't chosen such a weird roll. I have just the part for you. Do evil Spike. You have 100 plus years exper---

"You entitled bloody Yank bitch!" he grumbled and jumped off of her looking all pissy.

"That's what I'm talking about," she smiled, "I like the roughness, but you might want to take it down a notch."

She rubbed where he had held her writs. Maybe she was a little tired. This was the first time she felt a hurt that wasn't good with their messing around. She could actually go for some soda and a back rub and a nap against his chest...for a week. Damn! She would not turn into some vanilla chick just because she had no more super strength. She was the one that wanted this game and she'd finish it.

"You think you can order up the evil of William the bloody like chips," Spike sighed as he stroked his chin, "You have no fear; it turns to desire--- wet knickers."

He had gotten up out of the bed and looked at her with curiosity and distain. He probably looked at a lot of Slayers like that when he was evil. He walked closer to the bed with his cold evil look. She actually thought his look was kind of off; she thought it looked much hotter in the subway. But, she decided to give him a break; he was probably out of practice looking all evil.

"I guess I'm still really a red blooded American Slayer after all, "Faith grinned

"Yes, all the rugged individualism of Yank of Slayers. If only you knew you were meant to lye on your back like all real women who bring about true great things do. Your will only complicated the world's fate."

"You're so full of shit," she snorted as she pulled him into her by his belt loops, "The last thing you ever wanted was a bottom Slayer. You wanted to go up against the real power; because nothing gave a bigger rush than the only thing you knew that could break you— and for you that is one strong hot chick. I saw you in the subway all punk and pumped up with Nikki, remember? I was in your mind. So, I'll always know what you want, baby. "

She thrust her face out and kept moving her lips closer to his and by the time she was done talking their lips almost touched. Damn, was good with her mad skills.

"And I you. You enjoyed my little arrangement with Nikki Wood. It was my life's mission at the time to get that girl. She was strong, living year after. She fought with child in her belly, you know?"

"No way! That rocks. So, I guess Robin was the youngest person to ever fight you," Faith rolled over on her stomach again and propped her head up with her elbows, "Did she kick your ass when she was knocked up, so you were afraid to fight her for seven years? You gotta tell me that story or anything else about her."

"I've seen how much you like bed time stories," he smiled real wide, "Nikki Wood anecdotes all end with her being a stubborn doxy. She refused to move out of her horror of a neighborhood and insisted on protecting the destitute hopeless masses. She refused to learn the traditional way of fighting."

Faith couldn't wait to hear about all of Nikki's ass-kicking. She became too restless and now she was sitting on the side of the bed again Spike stood an inch from her face.

"She was the most ignorant selfish whore I'd ever seen. She'd have ruined Robin if I hadn't stepped in. He'd have become one of those dirty street fighters or drug addict or wor --

The sound of Faith smacking Spike full across the face echoed in the sterile white room. The sound of her breath shaking with rage seemed to last forever.

"Don't you ever fucking talk…" her breath was replaced by her anger shaken voice.

He flashed that wide smile again.

"What's wrong with you?" she demanded and her anger began to get something else spilling down over it.

His smile was too wide. With his buzzed head it made him look like a naïve soldier his first day before boot-camp. But, under it he was the first-day soldier who joined the army just for the fun of killing.

"Oh shit. This isn't you. This is some fucked up program or magic left in your head. It's okay, Spike. We just have to make things right. Fred or Willow can fix it. I'll--,"

"You will do nothing but become worthy of this prophecy," he spoke through gritted teeth as he grabbed her as she jumped up.

He pushed the weight of her of the world onto her shoulder.

"Soon you'll be thankful I was the one that betrayed you; I'm a gentleman. Here's another story for you: Once in Greece demon-lover feared he joined with The One. She was the oldest living Slayer at the time. So, he gutted her and gave The Rhoshobis her uterus as a peace offering. The Greeks are always so dramatic and stubborn."

He held her down on the bed and gave her any icy stare as he traced the crotch line of her jeans. She head butted him as hard as she could.

"But at least the Greeks have logic; your roots have only emotional stupidity. There is something to be said of heredity. But, I can't let your destroy yourself like you destroyed your own mother," he smiled like an jacked-up jarhead. Not at all affected by her girlie head-but.

He at least let her go. She jumped off the bed and backed into the shelves. All the medical stuff on them clanged together like useless old silverware. She reached back and clutched the shelves to keep her up.

"What the fuck did they do to you?" she managed to hold her voice together as she stared at his alien looking face.

"Don't you dare blame this on anyone but yourself, girl," his voice sounded angry and calm.

"You know you deserve worse than this," he walked up to her with intent, no smiling or strutting, "You tested me with all your power and darkness, stringing me along. Just like you tested everyone else in your life until they either left you like your father and the countless men after him. Then there were the ones that died trying to pass your tests like your mother and your two Watchers or that snake-of-a-man. Now, you've finally found a being that could pass your test and break you for a change. "

Faith shut her eyes to rid them of the mist. She had to focus here. Her head was killing her and her ears were ringing from the head-butt. But she had learned a thing or two over the years, how to see things as they really were. The old her would just burn with instant hate for Spike and start swinging to cut him anyway she could. Instead ran at him started swinging to cut him any way she could with a big medical needle she cleverly grabbed from the shelves.

"I may be slow, but I know when something stinks. You won't get what you want, no matter what you say to me. Game over asshole," Faith said after she pushed the needle into his chest.

"You know the game has just begun," he had that crest-smile again as he pulled the needle out of him, "I think when you got to this point in the game with that drunken whore who bore you she would do this."

He slapped her across the face.

Okay, maybe that needle didn't have the stuff in it they used to knock him out. Still there was something to thinking things through, she was still breathing for one.

"The only thing that has ended in this game are my losses," he spat as he grabbed her by the hair, "My sacrifices. You hid yourself as a simple little Slayer that never peaked. You know nothing of the torture I've endured. I betrayed people I loved more than even you could imagine. Just to figure out whom you really are. What you really are. So, now it's my turn to test how far I can go. Sorry, ducks, another man has failed you, or died trying, I suppose."

Faith knew if she moved too much she could say good-bye to a chunk if hair. She knew she wouldn't look as good doing the no-hair thing as Spike. She looked straight into Spike's eyes and touched his crew-cut head. She knew his eyes must have felt like they were in a straight jacket as they could only reflect back coldness.

"I know you've been though Hell and you're still there. B would hate that you killed for me, but I know she'd forgive you. I know if I just forgave you for beating on Wes none of this would be happening. But, I also know you've never failed me, and I know you're not doing it now," she told Spike, "No one knows you better than I do."

"And I know all I need to of your little mind. As usual your tears and repentance are too late. No bother, you will have a few years of timely repenting ahead of you. You might as well begin practicing."

"Yap, yap. Dude, you got one thing right, you talk too much," Faith said as her legs were aching to keep her up while he held her by the hair, "But, I wasn't tal---"

"You will shut-off that idle head while I am taking what is rightfully mine! Your mind is like the diseased tit! It was supposed flow to me, serve me. Instead it's like curdled maggots in the back of my throat that refuse to be spit out! " he boomed and his eyes flashed with demon.

She heard herself yelp as he threw her on to the bed.

"Oh," he said quietly and smiled, "Sorry. I didn't use brute force to get this point and there's no reason to use it at a moment like this. That's how The Greek gods created their world and we know how I feel about them. Perhaps your mind is disappointing, but the body won't be. I can feel the power that it will give me; all I have to do is break it."

"Sorry," she said, "I drifted off. Are you gonna kill me or what? Just get on with it, so they can smoke you out. Then, he'll be the one to show you how to really play the game."

She was okay. She had worse, much worse. Faith knew enough to know when someone was trying to fuck with her and not kill her. For now it was just torture. Good stuff too. All emotional with the vague threat of physical pain at any time. This is where her own misery and fear should break her. But, she wasn't worried about herself as much. She had to keep it together for both of them here. It was their only chance. She wasn't gonna let the cover of the box scare her.

"You are such a simple pet," he sighed, "I'm not going to kill you. Did I not say I was going to fail you the way most men have?"

Faith felt a jolt of panic. No. Not happening. That would break them both. The panic surged through her as she bolted out of the bed and to the door. This couldn't happen. Not again and not with Spike! Not like this! She had to do something. She grunted and grabbed at the door and pulled it and kept yanking at it knowing she looked like a cartoon cat that didn't want to be left home with the crazy bird that baited him. She kept closing her eyes to pull on the locked door and opening them to see the taped up hole in the glass window. Spike had broken it. He had taped it up now. Faith was so stupid. There were always so many tells whenever some guy wanted to fuck her like this and she never saw them until it was too late.

"It locks from the inside now. Sound proof," he said strutting up to her with the wide grin while his bare chest looked like its usual leanly chiseled self, "Privacy remember?"

Faith ran to the shelves and grabbed anything she could—an ear examiner. She tried to tell herself it wasn't the worst thing she could have grabbed. It was heavy. She wished she could laugh at the little horror movie damsel as she held out a doctor's tool to ward off the demon rapist but she was that damsel. The demon rapist didn't laugh either as they usually do. He was expressionless now. He looked set on his target.

"Now will you surrender to this destiny, Faith or does this have to get more unpleasant?"

Faith didn't break then. She heard herself crack a little with a tiny whimper. She cracked because he hadn't said her name until now. When Spike dropped the nick-names and used her name she realized it meant something. And when it was said now, there was nothing. It hung like dead air, like all the other words he was saying now.

"There's a girl," he said as she moved to the bed.

He was smiling that too wide smile. She could tell as he moved towards her that he would be one of the ones that would want her to know just how much there was nothing she could do about this all the way through. Not that they really weren't all like that, but at least some of them would shut-up about it for a second.

Why was she even surprised she was here again? She got all that power at 17. She could tear apart any guy that even looked at her. They told her it would last forever. Then why wasn't she surprised at all she was here again? Why did she know she would always be here? Maybe there were one or two surprises. If someone told her she'd sacrifice all that power to save a vampire because she… because she knew—she knew—it was the right thing to do. Back when she was 17 she'd never believe it. But, the old her would have no problem believing the vampire ass she saved would fuck her like this. The old her would be fucked. They said she couldn't really change.

"I knew you would be good in the end," he said as he walked up to her slowly," You always are in the end. I don't have to read your mind to know you always knew in this situation it was pointless to call out for---

Before he could get any closer she chucked the ear examiner as hard as she could. He sighed in annoyance when it didn't come close to hitting him. She heard the weak glass in the door shatter.

"Help!" Faith yelled, "Help me! Help!"

"Oh dear," the dick was still smiling; "Now I'm afraid this is really going to become a Greek-Styled tale in the books. You couldn't be a stoic sacrifice. "

"Faith, what's-- What the---?" To her surprise the first person to arrive was Kennedy.

"Kennedy! Don't! Run!" Faith gasped.

The only reason Faith had yelled for help was because she knew some people could actually help her this time and she wasn't going to drag some other powerless chick down with her. At least that was what she thought. A small crowd of people were gathered now, but they were just suits. Wasn't this place only pretending to be a law firm? Wasn't there supposed to be a bunch of vampire security demons or something?

"Spike!" Kennedy gasped as a super-powered arm hooked itself around he neck.

Kennedy's long dark hair got tangled around Spike's arm. Her brown eyes went wide at Faith. Kennedy and Faith were two peas in a really fucked pod as the suits just watched the show.

Faith was frozen under her own fear for the first time since this shit started. She was afraid all she had to do was move, or not, and her friend's neck would be broken. She told Kennedy the only thing she knew for sure in this shit storm:

"That's not Spike!"

To be continued…

Update: So, there it is. Just a month late. The next one should be out sooner with a Spike/Dru flash-back. More Buffy soon too. Oh, and soon I'll be redoing my site and there will be CREDITS for "More or Less!" Send me all your comments and stuff.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Finally done! OMG. This one was so hard to write! Things are going to happen fast after this! Oh, if you need refreshing on the history of this villain read Chapter 12 in The Forget Me Not Series. More fics and web-site update coming soon. I may be a little slow, but I don't quit! (That's the only way I'm as cool as Faith)

More or Less: My body is a Cage- (but my mind holds the key)

This was one of those moments where you couldn't think but had a split second to act. Faith usually kicked ass at those. But, she was as frozen as a suburban girl caught doing it in a church. Why not? She had been acting like a nice girl from the burbs. She had to go and get a friend and a vampire boyfriend. So, now when her vampire boyfriend got possessed by an evil warlock and had her friend by the throat she didn't know what to do. Even if she had her powers to kick ass they wouldn't help. The Wolfram and Hart white coats were breaking out the riot gear and cell phones, or running away. They wouldn't help either. Kennedy could be already dead. It was all up to the man that held the power of Spike's body, of her body, of Kennedy's body. No matter how hard Faith tried to change she ended up with dudes like this. She could accept that, but what she could not-would not-- accept was them bringing down innocent people, or not-so-innocent people that she cared about way more than herself.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry," the old bastard smiled a smile in Spike's body that made him look like a total slime.

He let go of Kennedy and Faith ran over to her. Kennedy looked more pissed then afraid.

"I'm all right. Tell them, love. You do think your Spike is all right, don't you? You know your Spike will be all right, if you just tell them," he said to her.

Hinting twice like she was an idiot. He didn't even have to hint once.

"Please don't trouble yourself," he said softly to the nurse as he grabbed her arm as she was about to inject him with something.

He'd kill her. He'd kill everyone in here, and he would kill Spike if she didn't send them away and give him what he wanted.

"Yeah, sorry," Faith smiled her old no-problem-here-smile, "It was me. I freaked for no reason. PTSD flashbacks.You know how it is. Just need more time to myself."

They bought it and left. They always bought it and left and promised to help if there was a problem. They bought it since she was 10 years old. No problem, no help. Just sitting here in what's supposed to be a clean white hospital room waiting to be fucked and killed. It was getting dark outside. She did everything she could so Spike wouldn't die here, or be stuck in his head. Why hadn't she left when he wanted? Because she thought they were safe here. Man, if she got them out of this one he'd gloat forever about her being wrong. Nowhere was safe when she was around.

"More time to yourself?" K's dark eyebrows were like two sharp stakes slanting down to make their point, "You've been up here doing it forever, and 'it' apparently includes games without safe words. I mean, how long are we going to watch this guy take power from you and say it' s ok because he's some kind of Champion?"

Right, Faith was supposed to be Kennedy's perfect Slayer. Hadn't she learned yet? Faith didn't even have her power anymore because she made a deal to save Spike's life. And the guy who gladly took her power was now inside Spike, and he was going to fuck her with it. Literally. Maybe Kennedy just liked to build chicks around her up to be disappointed. Well, now she'd get it.

"I don't know, K. How long have we been watching you do it with Willow? " Faith said with her brutal smile she saved when she wanted people out of her life.

Out of her life so they could live and not be dragged down by her. She found if she made a nasty enough comment she got them gone. Well, almost. It didn't seem to work on guy vampires with souls.

"If you were a decent friend, and on top of The Mission, you would know that I stood up to Willow and she left for Sunnydale yesterday," Kennedy said, "I left you four messages about it, while I was waiting here for you to get up off your ass with a Mission plan. When I met you you said you just slept with guys and forgot them. I thought it was bad when you were with Wood. Now you're some kind of high school girl."

"Four messages about how you broke up with your girlfriend and I'm the high school girl!"

Is what Faith said or yelled and then laughed. She knew she should have said something more cruel, like she didn't need Kennedy sniffing around her crotch for power now that Willow was out. That would have done it, but Kennedy was just pissing her off too much for Faith to send her away.

"Look maybe all the stuff I said when I met you was bullshit. Maybe I'm not your perfect poster Slayer I said I was. Ever think of that?," Faith tried to add.

"I—"Crowley in Spike's body with his self-proclaimed god status couldn't get a word in.

"Don't you even start, Spike," Kennedy snapped and turned to Faith, "I only called you about Willow because it affects the Mission. She is probably not going to be available to do spells for a while."

"Right. Your millionth little tiff with Willow brings The Mission up to red alert, so you have to call me," Faith said, "Meanwhile, I'm trying to get you and everyone else out of here because an evil Warlock has possessed Spike's body because he needs to screw me to get the rest of my power to take over the world or some bullshit. I'm clearly the girlie that's letting boys get in the way. Wish I could be empowered like you. You're---"

"I knew you were going to say that and—Wait. What?" Kennedy said.

"Now you've really done it, ducks. More murders for your record, " Crowley said as he stood up and closed his eyes and stretched out his arms.

It was how Spike looked when he had been waiting to die to close the Sunnydale Hellmouth. But instead of his body going to ash Faith started to hear a bunch of clattering. She saw the nurse they got rid of walking by and then her head just dropped out of view from the hospital room window.

"You've just killed some of the finest young minds in medicine," Crowley smiled.

Faith ran out to see the nurse had fallen in the hall dead, with a complete blank look in her round green eyes. And there were many more where she came from. Kennedy tried to run out and see if anyone was alive and Crowley didn't stop her. He knew it was pointless. He had killed them all. Faith couldn't bring herself to look for Fred among them.

"But you seem to like killing young people that are interested in advancing the world. Your envy is veracious. I saw how you gunned that lovely Walsh girl down because she had more control over your demon lover than you. Now I'll have control of you both, but that's hardly challenging or important."

"You fucking son of a bitch, Crowley!" Faith bellowed.

"Oh, do tell how you got that damaged mind to figure out it was me in here," he smiled.

"Dude, give me a break," Faith said, "Deep down I knew it was you that kept Spike locked in his head so that bitch I killed could torture him. I was just in denial about you being a Fagan like every foster parent. I wanted to believe you really cared about Robin."

"Your still in 'denial', as you say. I don't need to go into your mind again to see that. You know you turned every caregiver of yours into a Fagan," he said as he grabbed Faith by her bruised forearm and pulled her in so their faces almost touched, "and only you would be self-involved enough to think what I'm doing is not for Robin."

"Robin would never want you to hurt anyone, not even---Where's Spike?" Faith demanded looking in his eyes, Spike's eyes only not.

"Stashed in that wrinkly anorexic Santa body of yours, no doubt! If you—"

"You really truly think I am some magic student that would do a body switch," he laughed like it was really funny, not because he was pissed.

"You killed Spike to screw with me in his body and you think that makes you a god? Hate to tell you another lame piece of shit had an idea like that once and it didn't end well. It will end much worse for you," Faith promised.

Her eyes misted and her stomach tensed but she didn't feel like crying. Not at all. She felt like she was now officially Crowley's angel of Death and Pain.

"Oh, I think it ended rather well for you. I for one am glad that you ended up back in this body of yours," Crowley said, "and there' s no need to get sharp. I didn't kill your vampire."

He lifter her up on to the hospital main desk so fast that she didn't know it happened until her head bounced when her ass hit it.

"At first I thought it was a shame I couldn't kill him to have what's mine, but it's turned out to be great fun having him trapped in his head again. This time he feels everything I do. He feels your fear. Although, I must say, I think he's more afraid than you. You've done this many times before."

Faith heard herself cry out in anger and horror as she went to strike Crowley. He easily held her off and knocked her head back and forced her to lay on the desk with one hand, but he seemed to be having trouble opening her Levi's. They were a little tight. He talked while he tried to unbutton with one hand. He obviously didn't do this very often. At least not physically. He had been impressively brutal when he was in her mind and that was when she granted him access; and what he was doing to Spike felt worse than any Saturday night gone bad,

"My favorite forceful man of yours was the one who would gently strangle you if you didn't comply. I also have a special place in my heart for Kakistos, even though he didn't succeed. They were real men with real ideas. They weren't like the rest of those mindless drug addicts and those university boys. That group was just brutal and had no goal. Just like you, my dear. That is why you have always made everyone in your life abuse you. They see you receive gifts you don't deserve. To deserve the gift of power one needs to have direction to mold the world, and this is why I had to come forth."

He took a break from the pant unbuttoning and looked at her to make a point. She reached out and smoothed her hand across Spike's face. Crowley made a move to knock her hand back, but then allowed it.

"I'm so twisted; I'm glad your here," Faith said, "We're in a three-way with the world's worst motivational speaker, Spike. It just goes to show you when you're a couple you never know how three-ways will be until it's too late. But, hey were together, right? He's right though, baby. We need a goal. I have one. We make this fun, and try to top it with something even kinkier later."

"You're disgusting," Crowley said as he made Spike's face and grip weaken.

He stood over her still forcing her to lye on the reception counter and looked at her like she was meat that had gone bad.

"Yeah," she smirked, "Can't take that outta me. Speaking of kink, he only has my shitty memories; he doesn't have ours together, Spike. Remember when I---"

"Enjoy this now," Crowley said firmly but smiled back now, "You're vampire will be dead soon. So you will have no one to be vulgar with anymore. You are quite lawless. I can see why the Rhoshobi prophecy feared you with William or any beast related to him. But, they didn't foresee what I foresaw. How my ability would lead ----"

Faith heard several really loud pops and felt relief from all the pressure Crowley put on her body.

"—to you eating led and bleeding. I didn't foresee that one either," Kennedy said, "Then I found this cool gun on a security guard you killed."

She had sprung out from behind the counter and shot Crowley—Spike's body—several times in the chest.

"I know of your family. New money breeds the rudest children," Crowley said, visibly angry as the force of the shots knocked him to the ground.

"Yeah," Kennedy said, "I'll get way more bratty if I don't get answers."

She was pointing the gun at Spike's crotch as Crowley sat with bloody holes in Spike's black T with one hole spilling out into his red button-down over it.

"K, Spike's in there. He—"Faith began

"I heard. Why do you think I haven't shot it off, yet," Kennedy said, "How could you try to—with a weak Slayer? What kind of wizard are you? What do you want from her?"

Faith noticed Kennedy's voice was shaking towards the end.

"Don't fret, lass," Crowley said as he quickly jumped up and Kennedy still shakily held the gun, "I'm not a wizard anymore; I'm a god. And, sometimes gods must be brutal, but I assure you I'm still a gentleman. You see, there is a power in her I need to take from your friend, and this is the only way. Think of this as my genesis or better yet my great flood to start the end of this miserable world and the beginning of a new one."

"You would be a clever girl," Crowley said to Kennedy, "if you didn't under estimate my power. You were supposed to fall dead like the others. However, someone with decent skill has taken quite a bit of time and care putting a protection spell on you. It makes it difficult to harm you mystically."

"Really?" Kennedy beamed at Crowley while pointing the gun at him, "Are you sure? Oh, my beautiful red-head goddess. She does love me! You can't do a protection spell on someone unless you love them. You can love them as a friend or a sister, but I know she can't love me like that since we do it all the time and we don't have much in common. See, she loves me, Faith."

"I should have flirted with her more and asked for one of those then," Faith said.

"Oh, no. It doesn't work like that. You can't know about it, or it doesn't work," Kennedy was still giddy, "I guess I know now. So, what? Does it stop working?"

"No," Crowley said and then punched Kennedy in the head and she fell to the ground, "But it only protects you from mystical attacks not physical ones."

"Kennedy!" Faith yelled and went to run to her friend.

"Now, let's get on to a bit of both, shall we," Crowley said as he grabbed Faith she could see Kennedy's chest rise and fall.

He smiled a cheery smile making Spike look like a fresh faced happy soldier in his new crew cut look. He nearly pulled her arm off to pull her closer.

"Spike stay with me, don't give up," Faith said, "We'll give each other something to hold on to."

Her fucking voice shouldn't shake. She had to be like that girl Spike was so into. Not some pathetic girl who had to fight with everything she had to not cry.

"Oh don't fret; your demon will be with you. He'll feel me rip into you for what I need. He'll die as he lived, a tool of pain," Crowley said, "Crude tools like you build up fallen dynasties, I suppose. My family---

Suddenly he stopped yapping, which was bad only because Kennedy was the one that stopped him. She jumped on his back screaming with rage. Of course, he had her in a headlock in seconds. Faith was surprised he hadn't just broken her neck. Stupid spoiled brat that she was.

"Crowley, let her go. If you do I 'll make it good for you," Faith said.

"Faith, don't!" Kennedy cried.

"Shut the fuck up!" Faith yelled her voice shaking then steadying," You have everything you want. She's just a girl. You know soon Robin might find out about this and you need--."

"What I need is for you all to SHUT-UP!" he said, "You sound like a carriage filled with insolent children."

All?

"Spike," Faith said, "Just keep fighting. Keep talking. Your good at that. Don't--

"Yes," Crowley smiled, "Do keep testing me. Every time I'm tested I will break one of the bones of this girl. I do love tests I can easily pass, and I can pass them all now. No one has the power to stop—"

Suddenly there was a huge crash and Crowley and Kennedy fell to the floor

"Guess you aren't one for pop quizzes though. Big surprise," someone said.

Robin had crashed from the ceiling on a rope. He should have been wearing all black like when they come from the ceiling on TV, but he just wore his normal GQ clothes.

"Robin!" Crowley made Spike's voice go high, "What on Earth are you doing here?"

He was on the floor with Kennedy covered in ceiling plaster.

"I knew you were going to try to hurt Faith again. So, I stuck around," he said.

"You should have stuck your landing a little more," Angel said as he came down slowly from the ceiling wearing the all black clothes.

Angel helped Kennedy up. Her whole eye was swelling up. She looked as stunned as Faith felt.

"I'm only human," Robin said evenly but he had his really pissed look on.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked Kennedy.

"Demons are supposed to fight Slayers, they're not supposed to--- I want to be a Slayer. I want to hang out with Faith. I want Willow. I don't want this," she said and started crying in Angel's arms.

Yeah, he had that affect on people.

"Angel, that's not Spike. The dude killed all these people," Faith said trying to stick to business, "Are any other people---"

"It's just this floor," a voice said behind Faith that made her jump. Faith turned to see Connor who had come down from the ceiling too, silently.

"When you yelled for help they told me, and even when I heard you didn't need it I knew something was up," Connor said.

"We all did. Especially me. I knew why you needed help and they actually listened to me," Robin said.

"But by then he locked this whole floor down mystically, so we couldn't get in. But he didn't do the ceilings very well. I got through with simple physics with a little help from Fred. We got everyone evacuated. He can only kill humans with magic while in Spike's body not demons or vamps or—

"You," Crowley said to Connor, "It's written your human, but you must be a demon otherwise you' d be dead for entering. So, then you and you're father and William all must be from the same line and you have a soul. Facinat--"

"Get-up. Get-up and get the fuck out or I will kill you right now," Robin roared.

He hoisted Spike's body up like it was easy. Like Spike had a narrow little ass compared to all of that muscle Robin carried around. He did but:

"Robin, you know who that is, right? You know that isn't Spike. He—"

"Let me guess this one. This one isn't Spike's fault because he became possessed by my adopted Grandfather while you were taking a break screwing him in front of The Wolfram & Hart medical staff?"

"Um, well, yeah but—"

"I told you I'm the one who figured it out, Faith," Robin said as he turned to Spike's body and glared, "I know Gramps pretty well. I had my suspicions when he 'accidentally' reopened the Hellmouth, but I was in denial. I was even in denial when he said we could work with the surviving Watchers and the government to make the world a better place. So, I can see why you'd think I was slow after swallowing that one. I just wanted to believe--"

"...that he cared about you, that he was like a dad to you," Faith completed.

"Oh, hell no," Robin scoffed, "Bernard is like a dad to me. Alistair is like the guy who teaches you to smoke. But, I'm a grown up now. What I wanted to believe so badly was that I could keep you safe. That all of this insanity with Slayers and vampires and evil would end, finally."

"You're angry now, Robin, but you know I never taught you to smoke. You know I taught you about the real world which was something my son refused to do," Crowley said. He looked defeated in Spike's body, "Now the real world can change. She's the one that has what we need to finally start the new world that we've been talking about since you were--".

"—a stupid fucking kid!" Robin said as he grabbed Crowley by Spike's throat, "There's no new world. There never was. It was all about you getting more power."

"And I now have it. Here I am with your mother's killer in my total control. Once I have performed this one act with your former Faith you can kill him anyway you like. Then, I'll explain everything," he said this softly with a sad smile.

Robin took his hands off Crowley/Spike's neck and clenched his fist, too furious to speak.

"Um, no," Connor spoke, " Here we are in total control. Once you perform the one act of getting out of Spike we can bruise you anyway we like, and then you'll explain everything."

"I am a god. You failed little seed, and unlike the last god you knew, you have no power over me," Crowley looked at Connor through Spike 's eyes like he knew him.

"Yeah," Connor sighed, "but Wood does somehow, but I'm still the god killer, aren't I? Lucky for you Angel is insisting we get to know you a little."

"I already--" Robin began.

"And lucky for you, Angel's in charge," Angel said.

"Yeah, I forgot. You breeze in and your in charge," Connor said.

"That's right," Angel said, "I breeze in and save your ass so I am in charge. You were too busy with the files and records girl to be on top of this. She's not real, you--"

"I'm too---" Connor began furiously as he stuck his face in Angel's.

"Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me!" Robin was yelling and punching the wall making more broken plaster, "I think if any misplaced kid should be having a hissy fit at their powerful virtual relative, it's me! And I'm the one saving the ass this time."

"I am Connor's fath--" Angel began but he was interrupted by Robin's smooth angry Principal voice.

"You have two choices, Alistair. You can give me The Gem of Vail or I hand you over to Cyvus Vail himself," Robin said, "Either way you'll stop lying to me."

"I never lied to you about anything and I'm not going to start now. I can't give back the gem, it's part of me now. There really is no stopping me. Vail is surely dead by now. He made his life dependent on the gem to travel to other dimensions where I simply am satisfied to be a deity in this one. He always was a greedy sort," Crowley said.

Faith had no idea what was going on but she new it was bad when Angel said:

"Oh, shit."

Then, Faith heard an angry roar.

Robin. He was beating on Crowley. Hard.

"You are no god! You were always evil and you always will be. I trusted you to give my mother justice. I trusted you to save Faith because you were the only one powerful enough to save her."

"You saved her from that demon by weakening her so you could use her for yourself. You're nothing but a parasite. I should have killed you so long ago. "

Crowley wasn't fighting back at all. Not even now when Robin held a stake over him. He looked broken and miserable for the first time. He looked like Spike.

"Do it. Do it now, Wood," he cried.

"Spike—"Faith ran to him and he looked at her like he saw a thousand puppies being murdered before he shoved her. Hard.

Kennedy yelled Faith's name as she fell—flew--across the room. It was Connor who stopped her from falling. Robin ran over to Faith and saw Connor holding her and then turned away wordlessly.

"Stay away from me! You have to stay away from me, Faith," Spike was still a puddle on the floor with various red rivers, "Quick Wood, before he comes back. He's intent on doing things to her you can't imagine, and he's intent on doing them all through me."

"Angel, you're the only one here that can imagine what he'll make me do to her," Spike's voice broke. He rose only to stumble at Angel's feet. He then looked up at Angel with his new shaved head and old bloody clothes and smiled a little.

"Make it quick, okay?" he said like it was a private joke and it probably was.

But Faith could see it wasn't registering with Angel. He just looked like he was watching this via satellite. Everyone there was. It's called shock, right? All Faith could do was nod when Kennedy or maybe Connor asked of she was okay. She didn't realize that she was still leaning against Connor until Kennedy squeezed her hand. Spike scrambled over Robin's way and Faith knew what he was doing. What he was looking for. Faith ran over to Robin with a grunt for all her effort. This made Spike back away, and she grabbed the stake from Robin's hand, while Robin just stood with a face of rage. Spike sunk to the floor defeated and ran his hands roughly over his crew cut. He looked the same as when Faith saw him in his new souled days, except Faith could talk to him now. She sat on the rough carpeted hall with him.

"Please, Faith. I can't---I'm not strong like you. He would have made me hurt you so horribly. What's a man to do when all the life he has inside for the woman he loves gets trapped in his dead shell and used for hate? " he cried.

"I dunno, baby. Regress back into a Victorian kid that talks in poems for a minute and then comes back up fighting, I'd guess," she said as she rubbed his head, "Unless he turns out to be like most men and breaks his promise about sticking around no matter what."

"I want nothing more than to be a man of virtue for you, but I can still feel him here, love," Spike said

"I hear ya. I used to do as many guys as I could, so I couldn't feel the bastards anymore. Didn't work by the way, so don't get any ideas. All you'll need is me. And you won't have to sit in a circle for an hour on a cheap folding chair talking about what he did to you with me. But, I'm up for it if it turns you on. Forget the virtue thing. I think it's a little late for us," Faith smiled and touched his arm.

Spike laughed along with a little angry sob and softly kissed her with bloody lips. He pulled them both up from the floor so gently Faith hardly noticed until he had her standing on her feet.

"You don't understand, love. I can still feel him here," he said.

Faith was thinking about how to tell Spike he couldn't be his usual idiot impatient self and expect to feel better five minutes after everything that just went down, when she felt movement rushing towards them.

"You have your wish. I'm through with you. My only mistake was thinking your puny carcass was worth anything. Now you've really pressed us for time," Angel said to Spike and hit him.

"Angel!" Faith yelled.

"It's not Angel. Run!" Spike commanded as he head-butted Angel and they began trading blows. No one bounced back like Spike. Puddle on floor to kicking ass in six seconds.

Faith knew only seconds passed when Connor started fighting Angel too, and Faith understood what happened, but it felt like hours. Crowley was in Angel's body now. He must have switched when Robin was beating on him in Spike's body. She always was a little slow. But not slow enough to get Kennedy out of the way of the fight.

"I've got this one, mate. You have to go with her," Spike said as Connor helped him tackle Angel 's body.

"You have to go with them too, Wood. You're their only chance," Spike said.

Then he turned to Faith like he had always led last minute salvage missions, "Faith, call Giles. Buf---"

"Spike, it's me," Angel said under Spike now.

"Oh," Spike said and punched him.

"Spike! It's me!"

"Got it," Spike said, "I just can't believe you came down here with such a weak plan. This isn't over. I can still feel--"

"Oh, shit," Connor said shakily and dropped the stake he had and backed away.

"Connor, it's okay," Angel said, "You didn't kill me and even if you had you were doing the right---"

"Shut-up!" Connor snapped and held his head and then opened his eyes wide suddenly, "Something's wrong. I think we're in real trouble."

"Bloody hell," Spike grumbled and walked towards Connor.

"He's not in me," Connor said, "He tried, but—"

"You think you ruined it all, haven't you?" Crowley said.

Faith saw Angel jump and she turned to see why. Crowley was standing there looking like a mad scary demon.

"You may have weakened me but now that I'm out of your line's demon ties you will truly see a real god and you will submit!" he said and Faith was sure she was about to die a painful black magic death.

She felt herself become paralyzed. She couldn't talk or turn her head. It was like time stopped for her but kept moving forward outside of her. She guessed everyone was in the same boat as she was as no one made a move. She didn't know if it was her or the spell but she felt kind of numb knowing they'd watch her get fucked and die. It was almost funny, like something she deserved, too bad B couldn't hear about it or Wes couldn't get invited. Maybe they'd feel better knowing it was her fault-- that it was Faith's own dark power she'd get fucked for before it ended the world. But then, Faith's numbness broke. She saw Connor was the one that was dragged to the wall and pushed up against it by dark magic. She saw how Crowley readied his fingers to rape Connor's mind like he did with her only Faith asked for it before--literally, and that's what led to this. Faith was fucking defenseless to help Connor. They all were.

"You broke my connection in the line, because you are yourself a broken connection-- a darkness.You aren't human and you aren't a demon. What are you?

"I've been called a white goddess at times, though I'm trying to move away from labels as I get older. It's immature," a pert but pissed sounding voice said, "Oh, you didn't mean me. That's Connor. He's Angel 's son. He likes Faith and Spike and indie rock and fighting evil people like you. That's all I really know. He should tell you more."

"I hate magic," Connor said fiercely as Faith saw he was suddenly free to move.

"Oh yeah, forgot that one. He doesn't say much, at least not to me. Maybe you should have thought to ask everyone who knows Connor about him before you bound and paralyzed them," Willow came into Faith's view looking like she did everyday but her voice sounded a little thick.

Willow looked at Kennedy and smiled. Then Kennedy became unfrozen and ran to hug her.

"But, it's a good way to get to know me. The really bitchy me," Willow said and it looked like she stepped into a shadow as she pushed away Kennedy's hug, "Later, Honey. I have to work. So, you just hold my hand and help."

Willow took Kennedy by the hand with the shadow still on her. She looked Faith straight in the eyes until Faith saw only her pupils. Black. Suddenly, everyone fell to the floor when they realized they were unfrozen, and got up grumbling and sore, including Faith.

"Hi everybody," Willow said without the shadow, "Eow sorry. That was bumpy."

"Will, it's good to see you," Faith said.

For a second Faith thought Willow made Crowley disappear, but she saw that he was in some kind of hamster ball that you could only see when the lights hit it a certain way.

Faith really wasn't into the idea of looking at the old man, ever again. Instead she looked at Connor who looked okay, basically. He wasn't too beat up. He just looked like he was going into a brood fest. Faith didn't blame him. He was next to Willow and Kennedy holding hands. Kennedy's huge black eye was getting better, but she looked like she was off on some bad trip in her mind. Angel didn't look beat up at all, but he looked like he was in the middle of a brood fest instead of going there. He stood apart from everyone. He'd want Crowley dead for sure now. Faith then looked at Robin. He looked the least beat up for sure, with only bloody knuckles and a torn $100 shirt, but his face looked like stone. This had to be rough for him. Faith didn't look at Spike. She could just feel him behind her-- a little broken, healing, angry, mind spinning, grateful—fucking grateful-- to be behind her, Faith, who hadn't really done much to save them. Idiot.

Suddenly, there was a noise that sounded like a jet taking off and the wind to match it as well. It backed Faith up into Spike. It was coming from Crowley. It came straight out of what used to be his cute elfish old man face, but his face looked like a bunch of socket holes. Then a stream of pitch black cloud tangled in blood red streams came at them. But, it seemed to shrink and fall flat as the air made wavy lines like a mirage that came from Willow, her eyes looked all gray. Kennedy smiled and Willow's eyes turned silver. Kennedy suddenly stumbled and Willow turned to help her.

"Willow," Kennedy said, "He's really powerful and he got to me."

"It's okay, baby," Willow said looking all wholesome-girl normal, "He's in his bubble and we're about to burst it."

"I can't balance you. You have to listen to me," Kennedy said.

"I did. You told me to find what I needed. Here it is," Willow smiled shaking Kennedy's hand she was holding, "But, I just needed some accessories that were back in Sunnydale too," Willow said.

"Dawn!" Connor exclaimed as the pip-squeak walked in with her heels and shiny hair. She had a book as usual.

"I'm here too. I get to ring a bell. I'm like the tambourine player in the band," Harris came in with a bell and smiled like he brought the beer to a party.

"That reminds me. Amanda wanted to come but she had band," Dawn said.

"I'll admit your more impressive than they say, but you can only drain me. You can't have her," Crowley said as the bubble around him disappeared and he walked towards Faith, "I will eventually make the darkness The Slayer has in her mine in some fashion you cannot, even though I know you know she's an undeserving slag."

"Um, I don't even know what a slag is," Willow said.

Crowely was looking more like a sad elf than a skinny Santa or a demon now. Spike roared in game face and dove at him. Then, he fell on the ground as Crowley turned to dust, but came right together again.

"I just said the witch can't kill me, William, and you think you can? If Moses couldn't part the sea would throwing a pebble at it help?" Crowley rolled his eyes and looked at Willow, "You'll grow so tired of these base creatures. This one you use for power is almost used up. It's for the better; she wouldn't last long in my world."

He glared at Kennedy who glared back with her black eye that was healing quickly because she was holding Will's hand.

"Maybe we can't kill you, but we can send you to another dimension," Dawn said as she opened her book and sat Indian style on the floor.

"One where there are no girls whose minds and bodies you can rape," Harris said in a tone that surprised Faith, "Oh, yeah. We know what your all about, buddy. When Kennedy 's protection alarm when to depcon 5 we saw. With the getting in Spike's body and the fresh hands and the whole thing about making a new world and being a god. And just what are you about, buddy?"

"He's about to stop all of this shit, for good," Robin said.

"Oh, for goodness sake, Robin," Crowley sighed, "I suppose it's Bernard's influence that makes you betray me. You have his proclivity for distasteful Slayers as if I don't know what all of this objecting is about. I'm sorry, but Faith needs to be imbedded into my plan properly to have the world you dreamed of. I can't imagine how you can still care for her when she literally runs to the killer and leaves you. She's like you're mother all over again. In time you'll see it was worth the sacrifice for a world where demons are removed of their power and it is used properly for the deserving."

"Accept he won't because I'm sending you to another dimension, like I said," Dawn said.

"You send me to another…I quite literally eat girls like you for breakfast," Crowley laughed as he looked at Dawn in one of those sheer frilly shirts that her sister used to wear.

"Maybe you have eaten girls like me…ew," Dawn said, "But, you have never messed with the real me."

"I sense no power in you," he said to her, "In fact there is something quite off about you. You' re like a hole."

"Close," she said, "I'm a key. Now?"

Dawn turned to Willow.

"'K," Willow said," Remember to really ring that bell, Xan. It will make him solid. "

"Gotcha. More cowbell for the solid making," Harris said.

Dawn pressed her palms on the book page and started glowing green. She was growing up good.

Willow said some words in some language. This time she had more than a shadow on her. Her hair turned black as well as her eyes, and not black like someone with dark good looks, her eyes were all black. Kennedy ran to her side like she was ready to have a shit-fit but said nothing. Will slowly stretched out her arms and a big round space in the floor looked like a growing puddle until it was melted away like some bad acid trip. Then a green glow filled it and Faith realized it was coming from Dawn. When the glow hit the melted floor a bell started ringing. Harris was ringing his bell like a happy town crier. It sounded like a big ass church bell and then it stopped. But the portal was still there, glowing green. Dawn wasn't anymore. She accepted Spike's hand up off the floor. He kept her hand and just wordlessly stared at her with his mouth open. Crowley fell to the floor.

"Suddenly, I feel tired," he said.

No shit. So did she.

"Um," Harris said to break the silence, "I thought it would be all windy and noisy and he'd get sucked down and we'd see him get all stretched out."

"That's if you open it without a key," Robin said as he took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his face.

"Not that anyone ever has a key. I didn't even know what one looked like. Apparently they are white and shiny. Alistair here always wanted one. When I was a kid he had a whole cult of people who he taught to fight. We'd help him open little portals to dimensions to do various things. Seemed cool at the time. I was what? 15?"

"You were 15 and quick to turn 16. You thought you could conquer the world," Crowley smiled and looked up at Robin from the floor.

"Yeah, we were all like that and then reality hits," Connor said, "So, how do we get him in the Hell-hole?"

"Willow?" Harris asked.

"I'm a little busy," she said as she was still holding her arms out to keep the hole open, "Someone else has to shove him in. It's magic, not rocket science."

"You young people, so naïve. You think you can fight a war that is written. You think you control why and what you fight for. Others will come at her, they will follow you home, attracted to her gutter stench, her filth will make them fight dirty," Crowley said.

And it was around this time that Faith noticed his face was fading back to the nasty-demon face.

"I could have given you a kingdom again. But you want her anarchy, so be it. She can't handle the power she's been given in the least. She's as weak and worthless as whatever one of you so called Champion's souls she devours. She'll swallow you all up and make this world Hell."

Faith stepped up next to Alistair Crowley.

"You're giving your ominous cryptic speech to the choir, dude," Faith said, "These guys all know my rap sheet."

"Do it, Faith," Kennedy said.

"Finish it," Connor said.

No one else said a word or could even look at her, except for Spike. Spike just looked at her; he didn't have to tell her to finish it.

Faith wished it would be finished. Al was yet another fuck that tried to get her after access was clearly denied. She was used to that. What she wasn't used to was someone trying to fuck with every man she cared about. She wasn't even used to caring about men yet, even though it had been awhile. It was still hard.

"No," Faith said, "This is Robin's call. This guy is like family to Robin and he has the right to a second chance. Maybe Robin wants to help him with the rocky road of redemption. Maybe we could even---"

"Why thank you, Faith," Robin said, "You're a class act."

Robin looked at her and smiled, but he said it in a weird way that Faith didn't recognize from him. Like she wasn't sure if he meant it. It didn't matter. Faith meant what she said. Robin could take the little old man-demon-god-wizard dude by the hand and put him in a posh retirement home if he wanted. Robin did take his hand and pull him off the floor.

"Robin," Crowley said back in human form, "You know I only want what was best for the world, I want to make it my world and you would have a great place in it. I care for you more than my own son."

"I know that," Robin said, "And you know I want what's best for the world too. And evil demons have no place in my world."

Suddenly, Faith saw Crowley's eyes bulging out of his skull—literally as Robin held him over the portal. He dropped Crowley's body in and the green glowing portal disappeared with a big sucking noise.

"By the way," Robin said to the now normal looking floor, "I was raised by your son and my mother. Not you. Not really. So, be careful who you insult."

"So, they're still noisy when you close them. Good to know," Harris said.

"You know saying 'thank you' isn't one of my strong points," Spike said softly as he still had Dawn's hand.

"When you find what is one of your strong points, put me down as a person who could give a shit. Only a worthless tool would think I did this for you," Robin said dully and strutted away.

Faith was sure Spike had not been talking to him. She just knew Robin was pissed and just sent someone he used to trust to Hell. So, she ran after him with her neck, back, head, and probably a few broken ribs taking digs at her. Damn this poly-caring thing.

"Robin," Faith said, "Wait."

He stopped and turned to her. His blue silky button down was ripped in places with his cut bulky black muscles rippling out. He had this sneer on that looked a lot hotter than the smug smile he used to give her when they were together. If they were back in those days it would be easy.

"I've got connections," she said and smiled, "I could hook you up with a new Barney's shirt."

"You know how important it is to look your best when you're in the working world," he said, "Or maybe you wouldn't. You've just been living off the rich vampire and dating the sensitive bad boy."

He was always good for a joke about her and she was always good for a joke about herself.

"Well, that is a full time job," she said.

"You always liked the menial physical jobs," he said.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, "You know chicks doing physical labor are hot."

"You wouldn't know what I know."

"Actually, I have been through mentors betraying me for evil. So, if you want somebody to bitch to-- "

"Please, don't go there with me," Robin laughed, "I don't want all your Slayer bullshit talks about sucking it up to keep me in line. I never did. All I wanted was for you to want to be with me to live a good life, but you don't want that. You want a little soldier boy whose wounds you can bandage so he'll march for you. I don't need a mother to fight in a shithole. He does. So, go back to him and stick a tit in his mouth before he gets fussy and starts crying again. You'll need him to keep hitting things for you from the sound of it. Good luck with that mission."

Faith didn't have a good come-back for all of that. Not one that she wasn't too torn up to say. If Spike had talked to her like that she'd have so much to throw back. But Robin mentioning her tit when he was mad was a lot different. He was always classy. He was always the stable one. Now she stood literally weak and dizzy, but she was up and she knew where she was going. Robin taught her she could do boyfriends, but she didn't need a stable one anymore. She went back to where everyone had been standing around in the hall.

She saw Dawn was helping Spike bandage up his wounds while they talked. It looked like she was talking a lot more, while he was mindlessly ripping bullets out of himself. Yep, she was definitely B's sister. Clueless that someone else could feel like shit when she was happy. Still, she was growing up good with that whole day-glow power thing. Angel and Connor were still in the hall arguing for a change with Harris kind of off to the side. Faith didn' t see Willow or Kennedy.

"You put something dark into me and got rid of me, so you could have this yuppie job! That's why that asshole singled me out," Connor said.

"There's something I never want to say to my dad. It would be cool if he had a job though," Harris said.

"Con—" Angel began.

"He got his power from the Gem of Vail—Cyvus Vail of The—"

"..Black Thorn, yeah, what does that have to do with you? I never even met Vail. You're listening to Spike too much if you think I go around doing lunch with evil incarnate."

"You really don't know, do you?" Connor laughed angrily, "Maybe you should spend more time with the files and records chick; oh wait you don't have the time. You never did. You didn't care what they did to me as long as I was gone. The evil incarnate you weren 't having lunch with created my memories with my family. He created me."

Faith grabbed Connor before he could run away. He wasn't so much mad as shaken up. Otherwise he would have hit Angel instead of trying to run.

"Connor," Faith said, "I know you know Angel did everything for yo—"

"Crowley said I wasn't human or a demon or—"

"I know he said that same exact shit about me not to mention I have darkness in me that will fuck up everyone and everything," Faith said.

I'm sorry, Faith," he went from red to white, "I didn't mean to--What he tried to do to you—"

"He was crazy," Faith said, "That's my point. Crazy because of all the dark magic and shit. You know how it is."

"I do," Willow said.

She came out of a room with Kennedy and it was obvious they had been messing around.

"I was doing all kinds of world ending things with the dark magic that didn't make sense. It was for true love but, I'm so glad those days are over."

Faith watched Kennedy's face fall as she let go of Willow's hand. When was the girl gonna learn that nothing was gonna change with Willow?

"'Cept they're not." Spike walked up next to Faith.

She suddenly wanted to reach out as quickly as Kennedy was now drawing herself in. Faith kept her own face tight as she knew she had other shit to think about. She wasn't that kind of hugging comforting chick anyway—never was. Kennedy and Robin were really off when they told her she was. Her prison shrink would say they were projecting.

"You heard him, there's more coming. The same bloody prophecy talk. The same bloody end of the world talk," Spike said, "The only thing that's different is I know I can lose control of myself and be dangerous."

"How is that different from before?" Harris raised his hand and asked.

"This is more than that trigger. They all may not be as evil as the first, but they can touch us. They have more," Spike looked past everyone and actually answered Harris seriously.

"Some guy told me there'd always be more and that nothing could take him from the fight. Is he still around?" Faith demanded looking at Spike.

Yeah, girlie codling wasn't her.

"None of it's the same, Faith. They're all gonna take a stab at it believin' what they want. The only thing that sticks every time is they want to hurt you through me. If I had blood in my brain I would deduce I shouldn't be with you, at least physically."

"And you're another one," Faith said to Spike, "believing what you want."

"Angel," Faith said turning to him and shutting out Spike's misery look, "I need a van load of weapons and whatever research we can take back with us about Crowley. I may not give a shit about his crazy ass plan, but all his bond villain yapping had its clues."

Angel didn't answer. He looked like someone told him Connor wasn't his kid or something.

"He said something about his family, rebuilding a dynasty. He always went on about his family. I think he's older than we know. And I don't mean vamp old, I mean Bob Barker old," Spike sighed.

"Wait," Harris said, "I don't get this whole thing. I thought Faith gave up her Slayer power so Spike didn't have to burn up and die-- again. So, she isn't really a Slayer anymore. She doesn't have any power. Maybe this Crowley guy just wanted to force his way into Faith's pants because he--"

"Rape is never about sex; it's about power!" Kennedy snapped, "And Faith has it. She's still The Slayer, the only one."

"'K, I'll just be over here," Harris said, "with my bell.".

"Crowley mentioned the other prophecy, that Wuasabi one," Faith said, "The demon clan that's still after us."

"The Rhosobi prophecy. Does anyone else believe in that? Besides that whole huge clan, I mean," Dawn said, "It all ended when you wouldn' t let Spike burn his soul into you, anyway."

"Or it really ended when your sister killed Angelus," Faith said to Dawn, "Isn't that the skinny of that prophecy? That a vampire with a soul and a Slayer join and it ends up ending the world? Damn thing is worse than the rave scene. People everywhere want it to keep going even though it died a long time ago."

"Buffy didn't really kill Angelus," Angel said.

"I looked in files and records and when you go outside the Rhosobi Clan the prophecy has over fifty interpretations in 150 languages," Connor said.

"She actually sent me to Hell. She didn't want to do it," Angel said

"Can you get on them? See what they have to do with Crowley and Spike, Angel and you," Faith said to Connor.

"She told me she loved me," Angel went on.

"Me?" Connor said to Faith, "but I thought you said—"

"I told her I loved her too," Angel said to no one.

"He may have been crazy, but he obviously saw some connection with the three of you and you were the strongest," Faith said to Connor, "and it wasn't because of what your dad did for you."

"I went to Hell and all I thought of was how to get back to her," Angel said.

"That--That was just a freak thing. Crowley clearly wanted Spike and got desperate. I've already had my time being in prophecies. Now I'm just here to help you," Connor said to Faith.

"Things were so much easier back then," Angel sighed still in his happy place.

"Then do it," Faith said to Connor, "Help me with everything you got and find out just what all of that is."

Sunnydale was so much easier, and so much harder." Angel said to no one.

Connor gave his sneer in Angel's direction, but then turned to Faith and smiled.

"I'll get everything we need. If you leave it up to the weapons department, they screw it up and file and records girl will let me have whatever I want. Dawn, Harris, you want to help me get all the stuff together?" Connor said

"Wait," Harris said.

"What Harris? What the hell is it? You don't think I have any power? Well, no shit. But, it looks like it's my shift since B needs to be in another dimension, Willow needs to work out her magic with Kennedy, Connor and Dawn need to figure out their mojo, Angel needs to save the rest of the world, and Spike needs to get over himself. If you don't need anything and have better ideas, feel free to take a shot," Faith said.

"I need to know what's wrong with Angel," Harris said, "I mean, did that demony god English wizard guy put a spell on him or something?"

Angel walked off; at least he had that old B brooding face on rather than the new harder one.

"He's fine," Faith said, "I wish B was here myself. Maybe she could help Angel and make Spike get over himself."

Harris seemed satisfied with that answer and left with Dawn and Connor.

"When I came back from Hell we had to find each other again but---" Angel was still talking to himself as he now leaned on the reception counter that Crowley almost raped her on.

Spike's blood was still on it. People came in and asked Angel what to do with the bodies. Faith had kind of forgotten about them.

"I don't think I'm the one that needs to get over himself," Spike rolled his eyes, but landed back on his serious expression.

"Sure you are. All this bullshit about how you shouldn't come home, like everything is all about being forced to hurt me. I mean, if you only wanted this to be a booty call between times I have to save your ass, you could have just said so."

She made sure she completely did not look at him when she did this, but turned to look at Angel who was on the phone now talking about Cyvus Vail to someone and people were loading bodies on stretchers like they were mailbags.

"I mean, it's clear to me that the prophecy is about Angel or Connor, but probably Angel. But, I don't think it's bad, in fact, I think Angel 'n me are really gonna do something with all his mad skills, not to mention his mad money ,that's going to kick ass. Unless, maybe something does go bad. You never know. Did I stuff Angelus far enough up Angel's----"

"You're a manipulative bitch!" he said somewhere between pissed and grinning.

"You know it," she said and grabbed at his crotch, "And you can't hurt me, you never could 'cause you know I have you by the balls. No matter what anyone does to you, you never let them own you. Just know I'm holding what matters, and no one else, know you can't go anywhere."

"I do know it," he said before kissing her very opened mouthed, "And I know you'd never give a man who hurt you perfect happiness, not like you give it to me."

"Maybe I can't give perfect happiness to a guy that hurt me, but I can punish one that pissed me off," Faith said, "And by the time I'm done you'll forget all about tight assed god's who had no idea how to abuse your body. You won't even remember it; I'll hurt you so good."

"Faith, I---You know I--"

"Shut-up, now let me see how my bitch best friend damaged my goods," she backed him up to the reception counter and ripped open his blood stained red button down.

"Yeah, that can wait until I'm gone," Angel said coolly now.

"Which will be now, or do you want to have more jollies talking about Buffy when she was in high school?" Spike said.

Oh, he was standing right next to them and still looking at the people who worked for him as they were done gathering the bodies. One fresh faced kid was staring at them and then looked down at his clipboard

"Sorry, A—"Faith began as she rolled off of Spike.

"You heard Crowley; we both felt him. He tried to get into Faith and my son," Angel gritted his teeth, "We're all involved in this. I'm coming with you--to Sunnydale."

"Oh, balls!" Spike groaned.

"Yeah, remember who has yours, so don't start with him," Faith told Spike and then she turned to Angel, "Don't worry Ang. Sunny D is kinda almost a different place since Spike rose it up with his resurrecting and I accidentally reopened the Hellmouth.You may even say it's a good place to bury the past and rise up and all that shit."

"Or reopen old wounds while dealing with the present," Angel sighed.

"Bloody drama queen," Spike grumbled, "Like all of us don't have murderingly haunting pasts there. By the way---"

"Balls!" Faith reminded Spike.

"I was just going to ask if I could get you to rest and to maybe go to a hospital where all medics aren't dead, love. Please."

Even when he acted like an idiot his cool hand on her bruised up face never got old.

"Fine," Faith said and tried to hold back a smile as she began to set out of Wolfram and Hart.

"I mean how many of the doctors in Sunnydale could be dead or evil? 50-60 percent tops. Who knows maybe we can actually save people who aren't us for a change. I could go for a change like that, couldn' t you boys? Now let's go back to the Old New Sunnydale."

She was smiling now as Angel and Spike followed her.

"Right, home it is then," Spike said.

He always had to have the last word. He was totally himself again.

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Faith told Connor she wanted him to drive the van filled with weapons and it would be best if Angel rode with him because there should be two super humans guarding there most valuable tools, right? Angel didn't even grumble about not driving. Connor gave her the lip she expected saying that Angel should drive the van and that he and Spike should ride with Faith to protect her. So, she told him she and Spike had to be in another van of weapons and the most important research stuff. Harris could drive it and then Spike could concertrate on protecting Faith. That seemed to fly with Connor.

There was a little window in the van with the protective glass but it only showed night. But, a new dawn was coming as they went back to the old place. Sunnydale was ancient, right? Wilkins started the town and B shut it down and Spike brought it up and good old Faith accidentally opened The Hellmouth again when she trusted another evil old dude. So, shit never really changed. Faith didn't really change.

"So," Spike said looking all sullen as she chained him up in the back of the van, "You've come to your senses. You're actualy listening to me. You know I'm dangerous. We need to talk about--"

"Not into talking right now," she said.

"Okay," he said, "So, I'll see you in about four hours or so."

"Is that all it takes?" Faith frowned, "Get up and lay down on the floor. Don't look at me like that, it's carpeted."

Faith was still a huge bitch. Spike gave her a rueful look and got up off the bench in the van and sat on the floor with the chain trailing behind him from where it was hooked into the wall. The chain ended with his two wrists held in two shackles welded together. She had to be a bitch. What else did she have?

"You still have me," Spike said, "I know you won't want me to touch you again after all he did--tried to do-- But, I know all it takes is a man trying such a thing to---I'm sorry I kissed you and got all rhiled up back there like nothing happened."

"I said I wasn't into talking," she said, "but I'm into biting."

She pounced on him and clamped down on his nipple while she ripped open his pants. He gasped and she licked up his chest. The van started up and they were on there way

"You want to say your sorry for something you had nothing to do with you'll get bit," she said, "Now if you say things I like you won't. If you do things I like well then you're a good boy and every good boy does Faith."

He smiled under her.

"I have a problem with every good boy doing--" he began.

"You have a problem?" she said twisting his little pink nipples and teasing him with her hips, "You don't know problems. Problems haven't even started. You wanted to try to mess with me, so here you go. This is what it's going to be like. You thought it was going to be easy just because I am. It hasn't even started. You thought that wizard new how to fuck with you. Did he deny you the greatest ride unless you recited every love poem you wrote?"

"You wouldn't," Spike's eyes widened and his cock jumped in his unbottoned jeans.

She slipped out of his shackled embrace.

"C'mon," he said, "That's not fair. You heard them roaming around in my head. I-I don't remember them."

"You're saying you don't remember a memory I saw you remember--literally. I don't tolerate lying. Maybe I'll make you say them and then I'll beat your ass, squeezing your cock with my thighs," she whispered as she pulled down his jeans and played with him.

He went to say something but it all came out moaning as his eyes rolled back in his head. She manipulated him up on the van seat again and sat beside him and stopped touching him. He went to kiss her and she grabbed his face.

"I don't hear my little poet,'' she said.

"Please, don't make me," he said, "I'll do anything else. You can sit on my face the whole way. I can show you a trick The First did while torturing me so I'll feel like I have to breathe. I'll do anything else, love."

"You'll do what I say," she said coolly as she merely pet the top of his cock and it jumped.

"I think you want to. I think you like it. I think you want to tell me all of them, the little love poems, but you just want to beg a little more. Get a little hurt, you little bonnie poet. My little tight assed Princess Margret that wears glasses and---"

"You sting worse than evil and worse than pureity, because you are the best of both of them, all the time, and the worst. You do have a dark power in you," he said dropping back on the floor of the van on his knees, "It will devour my soul and I'll whorship it. You're the shrewd mother of all of us posing as the fallen one. You fool all of them all the time; you're so powerful you fool yourself; you almost fooled me. But, you are my goddess, light and dark . Every road I've traveled whether I litered it with innocent blood or burned it with my evil, or scraped it with my knees has been to get to you."

"Well, now that your here," she said, "You're getting spanked hard. I said tell me the old poems, not make up a new one. Get across the lap of the goddess pussy and take it like a man. I'm not fooling you now either."

Faith would always be a bitch, or a bitch goddess, whatever turned him on. As they rolled home the dark followed them.


	21. Chapter 21

More or Less: Let Go: (A Buffy in England Chapter)

* * *

She looked out to see the view of a misty Sloane Square down below. Violins were playing along with a guitar. A woman's sultry but then operatic voice sounded confident and sexy, but then pleading. She sang about wanting a reason to be a woman. Buffy turned the I-pod with its super annoying non-buttons off. She had enough of women sounding like that. She heard the one in her dreams enough. Were she and Faith women now? Someone should have CCed her that email. She'd like to say that she didn't feel like a woman because she had lost a year, forgetting herself in that other dimension but…

The dark was fading. Buffy could see a grey glow in the sky out of the window of the prime London flat. Prime London flat? She was thinking in English now. Well, she always thought in English, but it was England-y English now. What was he doing to her? Sure, she could blame Olivia for convincing her to take the job she got for her at Chloe, which was only the most fashionable boutique in this dimension. Or she could blame Giles for practically shoving this guy down her throat as if he wished he could perform a love spell on them. (Ew, not a good metaphor.) But, Buffy had to blame her latest crisis on him. Not that this was any kind of a crisis. In fact, everything would be in a state of complete non-crisis if only…

"You're having those nightmares still," a soft male English voice said.

Buffy felt her hands ball into fists, but they were already open when she turned to him. She saw her new lover with the dark yet not-tortured good looks. At least he was too new to be having all these feelings about. So, she had to keep them in check and she was.

"God, Reg," she said, "I really must be losing my touch. I didn't hear you coming."

Why did she lie? Maybe it was because he looked so naturally hot with his naturally fit bare chest and his natural no-product dark naturally longish hair. Maybe she lied because he was so natural, human, alive, or at least she thought he was.

"Liar," he smiled naturally, "And you learned how to work the I-pod. I guess 'Portishead' didn't help soothe the nightmares."

There was no sneer or sad far away look in his eye because she had this need to lie. He pressed his chest into the back of her silk white robe.

"I think it's good music for non-sleeping bed activities," she felt her smile lose its muscle, "And all I learned about the I-pod was to make it pause; like my life. I-pods also look so tiny but they hold everything and they are ahead of me, like my life."

"You could never lose your ability to know what's what around you. It wouldn't matter if you lost all your Slayer strength. You'd still be bloody brilliant, and you would still want to fight," he said.

"Yep, that's me a big ol' fighter," she said shutting her eyes with the back of her head against his shoulder.

"That's why I'm here, hiding out, playing shop girl in London while Faith, who has no Slayer power, is playing Slayer on an open Hellmouth with my family, who I'm too chicken to face. I'm a big fat hero. "

"Are you quite done?" he asked.

He crossed the room and put his glasses on. She would have been freaked out that he looked or sounded too much like some Young Giles, but he had too much of a natural smile.

"I wish I could be. That's the problem," she said.

"You're lying again," he said, "The last thing you want is to be done being The Slayer. That's why you've had us researching everything to see if The First has returned, and why you've had us turn over every stone to try to figure out what or who brought you back here. You want a clear purpose, a clear perfect purpose because you don't want to be lost like you were when your friends selfishly brought you back. You want to protect them from that and yourself, and your sister. You want to protect the world from all of that because you think you have to be perfect in order for it to keep spinning."

"You're really a big doody-head or a demon, aren't you? Just tell me. I'll still sleep with you. That's what I do," she said.

"You do far more than that," he said.

"Not lately."

"You've slain all of London's new up and coming dangerous vampires," he reminded with his sharp green-eyes.

"Please, the most dangerous thing about that Amy Wienhouse look-a-like leader was her hair," Buffy said.

"Come off it. She was at least as dangerous as Amy herself. Maybe even more so. She could threaten and stay fully conscious at the same time," he said.

"Oh, keep telling me threats in sleep aren't dangerous. These dreams, Faith asks me to die—I think they mean she's in some sort of trouble. That I'm hurting her by not going back to Sunnyd--"

"Maybe the dreams mean for you to stay away from Sunnydale. Maybe Faith will be the one to hurt you if you go back," he said in his light but serious tone.

"No!" Buffy said, "Faith would never be evil again. I'm sure of it. Do you really think I would let Dawn-- Why do you think I have you and Giles giving me constant reports about Faith's non-evilness?"

"Because you're sure about it?" he gave her that young Daniel Day-Lewis raised eyebrow.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with Faith," he told her, "I'm merely suggesting that the two of you aren't meant for the same path. Clearly the Sunnydale Hellmouth is her responsibility now since she reopened it. It's clear you were meant for a new place. When you are ready we can move Dawn here and--"

"With Spike," Buffy said, "Faith reopened the Hellmouth with Spike, or for him. It was part of the whole sacrificing-her-Slayer-power thing for him. I still don't get it. Can you explain it ag—"

"Is that what this is really about—Spike? Or the fact that Faith is with him? "

"It's about balance," Buffy said, "I can't let something happen to Faith just so I can have a perfect life, not after all she's done to help me. I know her and I know these dreams. She has to be falling apart over there since I'm coming together he--She gave up her power and even though she has Spike and some new fighter she'll—something will happen if I don' t help her; I know it. "

"So, it is the fact that you feel that if one Slayer is up the other has to be down," he said, "The two can never rise to the top. Well, that theory is a bit Darwinist for my taste. If you say: 'There can be only one.' And start hatching a plan to cut Faith's head off I'm going to get concerned," he smiled.

"No, I've out-grown that," Buffy smiled sadly, the joke making her think of Xander. Reg would like Xander if she could just get him to move to America; no she was going too fast. She had to stay balanced. That was always her problem with relationships.

"I don't suppose you'll suggest we help her by cutting Spike's head off to return her to full power. With my understanding of the situation I don't think it will work but—"

"Wow," Buffy smiled happily, "That's the first time I've heard you get jealous."

"Being jealous says nothing about how much you care for another person. It just shows how insecure you are," he frowned, "Giles also told me not to mention to you that Angel has been in Sunnydale helping Faith too. So, I am either very secure or insecure since I decided to mention it."

Buffy realized Reg had disappointed himself that was the only time he didn't look happy. Finally, a guy who realized jealousy was immature. Wait. Angel in Sunnydale helping Faith? Spike was going to be jealous much with that. Unless Spike and Faith had already broken up. Wait. Did that mean that Angel—No! Buffy had lost a year and some of her life, but she had not reverted back to high school. She wasn't a kid or a confused young adult anymore. She was almost the oldest living Slayer ever.

"Well, a woman could get used to that kind of jealousy from a guy. I've outgrown any guys who can't say anything all English and classy about their jealousy," Buffy said.

"That's actually a quote from an American sociologist, Margaret Mead," he said smiling again.

"And she was a lover of yours back in 1942, right?" Buffy asked putting her arms around him.

He liked when she acted neurotic yet happy. It wasn't so hard to do when he was too good to be true.

"That would be difficult since my mother wasn't born until 1954. Do you want me to say it all again?"

She let him pull her back to the bed. She nodded. She never got tired of him saying it.

"My name is Reginald Kingsley Henry. I'm not a demon or a vampire or even a powerful evil entity posing as Reginald Kingsley Henry. I'm a very solid very human man. My mother is Charlotte Kingsley, who teaches post-graduate women's studies at Oxford. My father, Phillip Henry was a professor of Ancient Greek History, but he's been gone about ten years now—"

"Don't say the sad parts," she said rolling on top of him and kissing him.

She often played his story in her head when she knew she should be thinking about a thousand other things. She was too old to be thinking about a boy—a man--- like this, so it was her new secret. Like the huge one of being back in this dimension wasn't enough for her.

"I am 31 years-old ," he continued, "I grew up listening to 'Duran Duran' and watching 'Marmalade Atkins', and the brilliant masterpiece films of John Hughes, just like you."

"Ah see, I was too young for 'Duran Duran' the first time, anyway, and—and I have no idea what 'Marmalade Atkins' is," Buffy said as she laid her new boy down on his really grown-up bed.

Could it be he was an actual grown-up?

"I suppose Marmalade was only popular here. Pity. You missed out. It was about a very headstrong little girl that used to do things like make samurai swords to wreak havoc with," he said

"Did she get spanked?" she asked as he smoothed his hands over her ass as she laid straight over him.

"If she did it would only be part of her greater plan to get one over on her Masters. She was quite a clever brat. I had such a crush on her. I think she was my first wet dream," he said grabbing her ass.

"Still there's something about you I just don't get," she laughed as she rolled off of him and by his side, "and it's not because you're so British and yet you can say 'wet dream' without batting an eye…."

He pulled her on top of him again and kissed her gently.

"I'll help you get it. It's what Watchers were supposed to do for Slayers and I almost was one after all. Maybe that's why you can't trust me. My mother never approved either. She finally understood when I organized a whole group in the academy that never stopped supporting Uncle Rupert."

He had been kissing her after every sentence and had slipped off her robe.

"There it is! That's it. That's what's wrong with you," she teased as she pulled away from him, "Calling Giles 'Uncle Rupert' mentioning Giles while we're-- Couldn't you have just been a demon?"

"I suppose I could turn myself into one if it would relax you, but this is easier," he kissed her and pounced on her.

He pushed himself inside of her, but he did it with such ease it felt more like sliding.

"Just let me make you feel good until I can't anymore, that's all I ask. I promise that no one has to suffer when you feel good," he whispered looking and feeling just right.

Buffy didn't know how long she had been gripping and rocking with his rhythm. Faith was right about some things. Human guys that weren't on government steroids could have good stamina. Still she knew not to squeeze too much out of him. Buffy let a little wave go through her and then she readied for another. She never thought she could have such a good time keeping back a tsunami. Suddenly he changed the tide on her though and she was gasping. Those green eyes caught hers and were calm even when his voice shook.

"You deserve to feel good forever, but let me do it for a little while. Then, you can worry about the rest of it. Just forget it for now, Buffy. Let go," her lover whispered.

And Buffy did what her lover told her to do. Not that she could remember what he was telling her to forget because now there was nothing but him and her and their rhythm and how she could open herself up to feel it to the core. She heard a low steady hum that sounded like it was underground and then it broke through to the surface with a cry. It was her. Trembling and shuttering and powerful. She tightened full-force around him. She didn't feel any resistance from him, but even if she had she couldn't stop herself.

"Oh, god," she whimpered.

She felt like she had been emptied of everything black and heavy; turned inside out and shaken of any grit. She had felt like this in her life before. Only that time had been disgusting and wrong. That time she had used someone; someone not human who couldn't be hurt by her. Now, this, him, this was…

"Oh, god!"

If she had done anything to harm him, this poor guy that thought he knew who she really was, what she really was she would…she would just.

"Oh, sweet girl, don't cry," he whispered smiling, and then he frowned and pulled away from her, out of her.

Oh no. Buffy had done something wrong. She had--

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked in all seriousness.

"Isn't that my line?" she sniffed.

"You're joking, right? That was so bloody brilliant I thought I'd explode."

"Then why didn't you? Unless my exploding was too much for you. I understand. I—"

"Too much for me?" he laughed, "I was waiting for more, but I guess I just don't have what it takes to make love to a crying woman."

He was literally kissing her tears away now and he sounded so sincere. He looked it in his face, like it was taking all his will not to be inside of her again. She could fix that. She pounced on him, impaling herself so he was deep in her

"Guess you are one of those nice men-- real men I've read about. Well, I hope you can make love to a moaning woman."

"Oh, god," it was his turn to shutter as she bore down on him, "Oh, I lov—Buffy! Buffy! Look--"

Suddenly, Buffy face planted on the bed. She almost laughed and started thinking about her lack of grace when she realized she couldn't feel Reg under her anymore. It didn't feel like he had vanished she felt like he had been ripped away like a band-aide. Had she pounced him off the bed?

"Reg, I—"she began sheepishly, "Reg!"

Buffy saw a dark haired woman who seemed to form out of shadows. The figure looked so unreal and out of place and came up so suddenly that Buffy blinked thinking that the woman was a trick of light and blinking would make her turn back into furniture. Instead the woman turned into a more solid brunette. Was it Faith? Was Buffy dreaming again? She must be.

"It can't be you. Your time, it's over. You've given your gifts. You are not the one," she said.

The woman stood over Reg as he lay wordlessly on the ground. Buffy would really think she was Faith except Faith didn't wear blue gossamer robes and her voice never sounded so calm and soft. Faith's voice totally lacked the eerie calm affect this woman's had; it also lacked the Italian accent this woman's had too. Buffy had no idea what this calm soft voice was saying, and the Italian accent didn't have anything to do with her lack of understanding. The woman raised her hand and Reg's unconscious body rose with it.

"Okay," Buffy said, "So, this isn't a dream, and yet here's another brunette messing with my life, my boyfriend, but at least you're not Faith for a change."

"The oldest living Slayer must be the one to bring about the ending of all things into the world," the woman said.

"The only thing I'm bringing an ending to is your breaking and entering into my boyfriend's apartment and you'll pay for the assault thing too," Buffy said and then she swung and hit nothing but air.

When Buffy got closer to her she realized the woman looked nothing like Faith. She was much too jagged looking. She kind of had a crazy Helen Bonham Carter thing going on and she was floating. Faith never did that. That was more of a Willow thing.

"The oldest living Slayer needs you to die," the woman said as Buffy's fist went through her.

"Believe me, that's the last thing I need to do for myself. I've done it a bunch already and it never helps. It makes dating so hard. But, I guess I should thank you to giving my new boyfriend his first lesson on just how hard dating Buffy Summers can be. When he comes to we'll have something to talk about," Buffy said.

"If only you were more into talking with these male creatures," the non-corporeal witch said in her Italian accent, "then the coven wouldn't have to resort to murder."

She said it so casually and differently than her self-important Lord-of-the-Ring-like way that Buffy took a moment to realize what she was saying.

"Reg!" Buffy screamed as she ran to her lover's body.

"No!" It just wasn't true. It couldn't be. Not like this. What was this? Whatever it was she was wrong about it; Reg wasn't dead. She cradled him in her arms and he wasn't moving and his face had that horrible strained yet blank look, but he wasn't dead.

"You—"Buffy went to charge the cold nasty woman form that wasn't really there, but she fell through it and was now on the floor retching.

No, this was wrong. She had just been making love. Something had to be happening that wasn't this.

"I am sorry, Ms. Summers. I'll have to kill you too," the Italian accent said, "and this is the only way to make sure you stay dead."

As the witch looked into Buffy's eyes and then seemed to be blowing some dust into them, Buffy thought about Dawn's Italian phase when she went around saying "Chio' Francesco Renoldi" and making pizza sandwiches all the time. Buffy would finally call Dawn and they would take a trip to Rome with Reg and that would make up for everything. Why hadn't she thought of that before?

"On behalf of the Tremere Coven we are very sorry. You were the backbone of allowing all the necessary beings to arrive at their destinies, but your role; it's over. We've waited far too long for this prophecy for Her to come into power and we can't have you screwing it up. We already have had big enough worry with The Rhoshobi clan."

Buffy was the dark, or she was falling with darkness all around her. She saw…no, it couldn't be. Not again! What was happening to her?

"She's in a mystically bound shock," Charlotte stated to Giles as he resisted the urge to hold Buffy after he placed her on the bed.

"It'll be all right," he heard his own voice say; "She's been through this before."

"I can guarantee she hasn't. This magic is the work of an unearthly powerful. I'm afraid she doesn't have much time."

Charlotte's tone seemed so cold as she had just covered her dead son and she looked into the eyes of the catatonic Buffy. Giles's Buffy, cursed with black scales over her eyes. He didn't have time to think that Charlotte was far from the woman he remembered with these over-controlled emotions, this scrubbed clean middle-aged face and tasteful clothes. He didn't have time to wish that she was the young angry crazed punk rock witch he had known. Because as much as the old Charl might seemingly help the dire situation Giles knew that she would only end up dooming it; as Giles was no longer his old self.

"And you are in no position to go into Buffy's mind to bring her out of this shock. I understand," Giles tried to sound understanding as he did understand--but Buffy-- she needed help. She couldn't die, not again. Certainly not like this.

I'll do it, of course. All I need is for you to do the simple spell of putting me into Buffy's mind and I will--"

"Simple?" Charlotte let out a crazed laugh and then said plainly, "That would be a wonderful plan if you wanted Buffy to awake to two men she cared for dead. You have no experience in ordinary mystical mind melding let alone--"

"Do you think I'm one of your students or wayward cases that sees you as The Matriarch of mysticism? I know who you are; I've experienced what you're capable of. And the very last thing I need now is a lecture about magic from you. Buffy's life is in danger. You will do this for me one way —"

"Do you really think you could say or do anything to me now that could push me to throw you to your death if I wasn't already in the process of doing it, Ripper?" she laughed at him like he was a stupid git.

"You know I'm sorry for your loss, but are you going to be so selfish as to let—"

"Oh, yes, me selfish. I'm not the one that lied to my innocent hero of a child to selfishly make up for my past mistakes. You came back into my son's life and brought your Slayer. Both of you were past your time and should have stayed go--"

Giles pushed the distinguished professor and underground Magic Master in the casual pant suit up against the wall in her dead son's apartment.

"You know I don't think I could say or do anything that could push you to save Buffy," he said lowly, "I know I can. I was always the only one that could really get to you."

"You made sure you got to everyone, Ripper, and you used me to do it. Now, get the bloody hell away from me unless you want to die like the buggering bastard you are," she said.

He could feel her power even though she used none of it. He could feel it in her body as he was gripping her shoulders. She was like a beast baring her teeth still camouflaged in a slightly plump 50 year-old woman's form. Giles did not back down. This is what she responded to.

"There's my Charl. My time may be past like yours but that doesn't mean we can't be who we were. We will use your power to save Buffy. Now. And then you'll have the satisfaction of my death."

"You never did understand what satisfied me," she said as Giles felt himself being propelled across the room and threw a hard structure.

Charlotte had tears in her eyes. It was something Giles had never seen before. He wanted to get up to comfort her, to say something. Maybe that was what she needed to be able to do this spell to save Buffy. Before he went to rise he felt a piece of glass in his hand. When he went to remove it he saw it had come from a broken frame with a picture of Reginald at age 6 or so. He was wearing glasses and a guitar strapped to his front. Phillip was next to him with a full head of shaggy hair, while Charlotte smiled proudly with long dark hair. Giles remembered the photo. He had taken it. It was the year before he decided to join The Watcher's Counsel. The year before Buffy was born. They thought they were all old and settled then. They weren't either. Oh God. Reginald was dead. Little Reggie; who he showed how to play football, who he bought Clash albums for. When he left England Reggie had been grown for sometime and he only got back in touch with him when his father died. It was decided Phillip was Reggie's father long ago.

"You always were such a man, Ripper even when you were rebelling against it all," Charlotte continued as she stood over him in her green eyes, grey bob and sensible dress.

You think you satisfied me because you pushed me to power. As if I didn't always have more of it than you ever did! It wasn't how you pushed me. It was that I had something to push. The rest of them were just there for the chaos, but you always gave something back. Too much, really. I was glad when Ethan stole you away. You gave me everything and you didn't even know it, and now you've taken it. Reginald is dead. My son is dead and nothing I can ever do to you or anything will satisfy me ever again!"

"You told me I wasn't—I couldn't be—"Giles stammered as he lay on the floor in a shock that had nothing to do with being thrown through a bookshelf.

"I told you Phillip was the best suited to be Reggie's father, but he always had your will. Your smile. But, we both know that his father could be anyone from those days, anything from those days, with what I did." Charlotte said.

She had so much guilt in her eyes and when she tried to restrain it she looked almost pouty and girlish. This was a look from her Giles knew well.

"We all did it," Giles said, "Charl; we can save both Reginald and Buffy, if you just—if we just act quickly. Reginald may not be able to be brought back with less of a price if he isn't fully hu—I mean he may be part-- We always knew there was a chance."

"You're suggesting I end my 31 years of abstinence from black magic to try to resurrect my son? Put him through that pain and risk for my own selfish wishes? Have him discover he could be revived because he is not fully human due to the fact that his mother was in an orgy with a chaos god?"

She was smiling at him as if they were both in on a miserable cruel joke but it ended up that the joke was being played on them. She was kneeling beside him now and taking glass out of his hand. This was also a version of her he was familiar with. Sad and tender. Though, he had forgotten it completely. She was the only one he ever allowed to take care of him after his brawls, wasn't she?

"I would do it if he were mine. I know he may have a rough go of it. I know the world may even go off kilter. I am a selfish man. I never dreamed of bringing Buffy back the first time. I chastised Willow, but when I realized I could get her out of that other dimension without The First coming back—Oh, God! What have I done? They urged me to assist them to bring her back to this dimension and now--- I thought they would reveal what her purpose was to her as they wouldn't reveal it to me. Then, she came to me, traveled all the way here from Sunnydale. Those bloody Powers just left her bereft again. I should have told her straight off all that I knew. But, she wanted to rest. She wanted to stay with me and I was so angry at what the world made me put her through. I wasn't going to let it hurt her anymore. "

He now put his head in the most powerful Wicca's lap saying these things, confessing them, or maybe she had pulled him in. Maybe she would kill him. Maybe he was the father of her son. Maybe no matter what he did or said Buffy was doomed where he should be.

"You were always so humanly selfish. That was why I always hoped you were the man who gave me my son," she said and it made him look up at her with surprise.

"Phillip was the best suited as I said. He could help raise Reggie. He didn't have that bloody traveling job with the patriarchy after all. The Watcher's Council," Charlotte spat half-heartedly, "Reginald got involved with them just to spite me. By the way, you aren't the only selfish human in the room. I've already tried to bring him back with every kind of magic before you arrived and I attempted to rescue Buffy. I failed, Rip."

"Why didn't you just tell m-- No. You are the most powerful Wicca in the free world. How could you fail?" he demanded as he shot himself out of her arms, his voice giving out to rasp.

"If only there was just the free world. Rupert, this is the work of a god-witch," Charlotte said.

"No," Giles stood now barely remembering his desire to wallow in regret in the lap of the great witch.

"You must be wrong. A god-witch would never interfere with this earthly dimension. Even of they had something to gain the cost would be too—"

"Do you doubt me?" she said.

"Why would a god-witch do this to our—to our children?"

"I truly don't know," she said, "But we know they don't kill without purpose and they made sure to kill Reggie, but they went to a great deal of trouble to kill Buffy. A god-witch has put Buffy in the depths of her psyche to destroy her soul. To make sure she is truly dead. It's beyond all my power, Rupert. There's no human witch that has ever touched power to rival the dark gods or the light ones for that matter-- if the light even exists."

"Yes! Yes, there is! Willow, she described her experience to me when she made all the Potentials Slayers. It sounded as if she touched the powers of the gods, the white gods."

"I suppose that there's nothing I can say to you to tell you how doubtful that is. If it is true, however, and Ms. Rosenberg can get into Buffy's mind to save her soul I can assure you she will die in the process. Knowing Ms. Rosenberg I'm sure she'd be up for it. The question is are you? Will you tell her and sacrifice another child?"

"Please, Charl. Please," Giles begged, "There has to be a way. There must be something we can do. I can do. Just tell me."

"The only way that it could be possibly safe would be if someone were to accompany Ms. Rosenberg into Buffy's mind," she said looking past him.

"I—"

"It most certainly could not be you or I," she cut him off sharply; "It would have to be someone with whom Buffy shared darkness with. It's a shame she couldn't know you like I did, but then if you knew each other like that I suppose you wouldn't have such a self-sacrificing love for her. We really have made a mess of things, haven't we? Being the extremists we are. We used to be so reckless and now we tried putting our children under glass and now we have the same results as our anarchy from years past."

Giles was now back at Buffy's bed-side staring into her eyes that gave him nothing but blackness as he listened to Charl's lecture. He realized he deserved far more than this motherly punishment from her. But Buffy, what did she deserve?

"May I use your mobile," Giles asked after he took his out of his pocket and realized it was smashed beyond use.

"Ripper, you can't know a person like that who knows themselves as well as Buffy in the face of such darkness. If you do, they can't also be old enough to know what they were consenting to, and I don't mean legal age. You can't be so selfish as to put another young human soul in danger. I know I am not," Charlotte said coolly.

"You don't have to worry. Even I have my limits. Luckily, the soul in question doesn't, unless he's changed," Giles felt himself fretting like the old man he was again.

"How much can we really change?" Charl sighed in grief.

TBC...


	22. Chapter 22

More or Less 38- "Blood that Glows"

"Something's changed," Angel said.

The Cathera demons were retreating, like they were giving up and Connor was pissed. He had so much more fight in him; he couldn't believe he had ever wanted to give it up. His hands wrenched on the steel handle of the sword Angel had given him.

"Something has definitely changed, but what?"

Connor heard his father repeat himself with that quiet intense voice that Connor coined his batman voice. He knew he could get a laugh out of Faith if he brought that up, but he didn't. He just stared at Faith who looked simple and perfect in her dark denim jacket and crossbow. He could smell her. He could feel the smell of her sweet saltiness in his mouth. It went down his throat. People didn't realize; they didn't know how she could be so rough but so beautiful, so powerful. They'd say it was her face, her smiles, her frowns, they'd say it was because she had a truck-driver mouth with a soft curved body. People were morons; they didn't know it was in her blood. Now she just had to get the tiniest scratch and he could smell it. It was like one of his father's expensive wines just dripping itself on asphalt. Not Angel, but the father Angel had given him. Connor never used to notice Faith's blood like this, but ever since Sajahn had fed him Kennedy's blood and tried to convince him he was a vampire…But, Connor wasn't a vampire he was…

"Demon scum," Kennedy said towards the retreating Cathera demons, "Maybe we finally kicked their asses."

She was bleeding too, her blood smelled just like when he tasted it.

"No, I'd bet a quid their funding just stopped coming in. They're mercenaries," Spike said with a sure sneer.

He was right. This was another army hired to attack them because Cathera demons didn't fight unless they were paid, and then they didn't care who got in their way. Everyone knew they had been hired by The Rhoshobi Demon Clan, or part of them, because of the prophecy that believed Faith and Spike would end the world, or their world, or something.

"I hate when funding gets pulled from programs so suddenly. I could have used them for more of a body count of demon scum," Connor said.

He saw Angel smile at him with pride, and felt himself smile back. Connor wasn't having a bad time with Angel being here.

"Mercenaries are always easy to kill," Angel said, "not to mention fun."

Connor smiled when his father added the last part. He wasn't criticizing that this was too easy, even though this fighting was the easy part. It was the aftermath that was hard. The girls always bled and their blood, and their ability to heal, was so different from his father's or Spike's, or his own. Still all the people here were his blood, his family, no matter what. That couldn't be changed even if Connor had wanted it to be, and he mostly didn't.

"When you have to pay for it there's never any passion, always a quick pull out. It's a good lesson to learn," Spike said as he cleaned his sword as he stood with his back a half-inch from Faith's front.

Spike always put himself so close to her; he had to smell that she was bleeding, but if he did no one would no it affected him.

"Speak for yourself. That's one lesson I never had to learn," Connor quipped.

He had wanted to make Faith laugh, but she was looking at Kennedy, who really was bleeding from her arm so that you could see. Faiths eyes darted back and fourth on it like she did when she was thinking hard.

"Right, well it's a lesson your dear ol' dad should learn," Spike said and quickly glanced back at Faith before he set his eyes on Connor.

Connor could feel Angel stiffen.

"Please. I learned that lesson before you were born," but he had a good come-back when Faith didn't come to his defense.

"Someone always pays," Faith said quietly, "and it's rarely the one who doesn't want to pull out. Just life on The Hellmouth I re-opened as usual."

"You didn't re-open it. The formerly all-powerful evil Oz, Crowley did," Spike said, "and that's over now. He's gone."

Connor really could do with out that warlock ever being mentioned again. He had felt how evil that warlock's power had been and he felt the fear of the warlock when that power wasn't enough to get inside of Connor. Connor didn't know he could feel evil, that he could feel someone else's power and that it could be afraid of him. That is he didn't know he could feel it after Jasmine. But Spike was right; the warlock was gone.

"You're right, I just wish I coulda done you one better," Faith agreed with Spike, "But I don't regret trusting that bastard for a second. It saved your life."

"I know you don't, and you couldn't do me better if you tried," Spike smiled and Connor wished he could be so happy about black magic in his life.

"You're prob'ly right, but I can always try, but right now we have to hold the line. Or you soldiers do. Why don't you three make sure that hired army is out of our shit? Kennedy and I have to do some healing."

"But I--"Kennedy began until Faith turned to her and glared then she stopped beginning her sentence.

"Go," Spike turned to Faith and brushed the hair out of her face, "And I'll be right behind you."

The girls got into the battle van (as Faith and now everyone called it) and drove off. It wasn't like her to leave suddenly, unless she was worried about someone else being hurt, like Kennedy.

"We still have to figure out what this means," Angel said, "I doubt The Rhoshobis have given up. I'm sure they still want Faith dead, and this prophecy could still have something to do with Connor."

"Man, if you're going to be so obsessed you should at least have your facts straight," Connor grumbled in frustration as he waved his sword, "It isn't all The Rhoshobis that want to kill Faith; it's a sect of them. It has nothing to do with me. The demon who wants to kill me was just dating one is all."

"We have to be sure about this, Connor. This isn't something we can guess about," Angel said.

"Guess about?" Connor sighed in amused frustration as he thought he smelt fear on Angel, which he was sure Spike would help him make fun of.

They should really be getting on with the searching for the retreating mercenary army though.

"This isn't guessing," Connor said as he scoured the trees with his eyes for demons, "This is hardcore research. This is the truth that I-- Dawn and I found--after pouring over all the actual books that had no on-line access. Just stop worrying about me, alright. We're here to help Faith by fighting and killing because that's what we're good at…and research. There are three sects of Rhoshobi demons and the truth is--"

Connor heard a yell and realized one of those meaty looking Cathera demons had snuck up behind him and Angel had ripped its head off, which really wasn't the best way to kill it, as Connor had told him. It made their insides liquefy and explode, and Angel had made this one do it all over Connor's back.

"The truth is you're still just a kid and you don't know anything about the truth. You think it's bad the books didn't have a web page. There are inter-dimensional books even my company can't find on the subject, " Angel said as he pulled Connor back so the rest remains of the former demon, including its sword and amour wouldn't fall on Connor as it fell with no body there to support it,

"A man that waits so long to become something as evil and powerful as Alistair Crowley wouldn't see something in you and in this prophecy if--"

"I know way more about the truth than you right now," Connor found himself shoving his father up against a tree.

"But, you never cared about the truth, did you? You just care about what you want to believe. None of the sects ever mentioned me. You know what that crazy fucking rapist warlock saw in me, dad? You hired Cyvus Vail to create my memories with black fucking magi--"

"I did not hire him, and watch your mouth. I made a deal with Wolfram and Hart to give you the life you wanted. If I knew they were going to get a demon like Cyvus Vail involved I would have--"

"They are Wolfram and Hart! What did you think they were going to do? Hire pixies and fairies to sprinkle magical happy 'Peter Pan' dust on me so I'd just forget everything and go to Never Never land and live happily ever after?"

"No," Angel said, "I really thought it was more like something out of 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.'"

Connor wanted to be really pissed, but he found he couldn't be. Maybe it was because when Angel got around Faith and Spike he just looked smaller or maybe it was because Connor could smell there were new demons to kill or maybe it was because Kennedy's blood smell was gone and he felt calmer. Or it might be that Angel left himself so open for an insult that Connor couldn't even think of one, but he knew who would.

"Where'd Spike go?" Connor asked his dad when there was a second of silence.

"Who cares?" Angel grumbled, "I'm talking to you."

"Fine, you really want to talk?" Connor said and didn't believe what he was going to confess, but it seemed like Angel was the one to tell for some reason about how he smelled the girls' blood, about how he wanted to fight more, about what he was or might be…

What was the worst he could do? Freak out because Connor was becoming him. It would be better than anyone else freaking out or being upset, like Faith.

"I want you to listen to me," Angel said.

"Fine, but you listen first," Connor said. It was a trick he learned from Faith in how to talk to his dad.

"You're all freaked out someone is after me," he told Angel, "You never stopped to think about--

"Um, hate to interrupt, but some help would be nice," Spike said.

Connor looked up over the grassy hill in front of him and saw Spike shackled up and the shackles were being held by a really big Cathera demon with another army of Cathera demons behind him.

"Oh!" Angel said. "What is this now? Don't tell me you idiots think you'll still get paid if you just run off with some secondary fighter."

"Secondary fighter," Spike spat, "This prophecy is clearly about me and Faith, and you just can't accept that, can you?"

"I was trying a little something called faking them out, Spike," Angel said, "God, how did you live one year without outside help?"

"Yeah, 'cause when your around everyone's survival rate skyrockets," Spike said.

"Divinity want smaller vampire. No want Wolfram and Hart vampire," the Cathera demon said, "Go now with son and you both live in peace. That deal."

"I wish that were true," Angel said, "But, if we let you take him his girlfriend will kill us."

Connor could tell he was getting ready to move in on them.

"See, they don't want me, Angel," Connor said as he ran toward the army of demons.

"Well, The Divinity doesn't want you," Angel said as he tore one of the demons in half.

"Who's The Divinity again?" Angel asked as Connor stabbed through a few of them.

"Again," Connor said, "They're the one's that just want Spike…alive apparently."

"So, they don't want Faith?" Angel asked.

"No, those are The Determinates and they have backed off since she doesn't have that Shadow-demon-thing in her anymore. The Divinity think she's apart of the prophecy, but they don't want to hurt her," Connor said, "They don't believe in intervening directly in the prophecy or any fate directly but--"

A Cathera knocked Connor over and Angel kicked it off.

"Well, if they don't think they can intervene directly why are they capturing Spike?" he asked.

"It's religion, dad," Connor said, "When does it make sense?"

"God, old man, keep up," Spike shouted as he kicked the demons that were trying to drag him off.

"Well, I'm not the one that got captured," Angel said as he ripped Spike free from one of the shackles before a small but fast Cathera attacked him.

"That's because no one wants you," Spike said as he ripped off the other shackle himself.

"You're girlfriend does," Angel said with a smile.

"Dad!" Connor rolled his eyes. He was totally setting Spike off. He remembered how he used to think of Angel--a demon in control even if he was a hypocrite. Not that Connor minded this immature idiot side.

Of course, Spike vamped out. He got so pissed he killed the remaining demons in a fury. Then, Connor's dad turned and winked at him like he had planned that. Well, that wasn't bad, if he had. Spike strangled the last demon with one of the shackles and the demon's head popped off and the body exploded in puss on Angel.

"You did that on purpose," Angel said definitely looking like he hadn't planned that part.

"Faith doesn't need you! She may've given up her physical strength for me, but she's stronger and better at sharing power than you'll ever be, Mr. Leader of Evil Incorporated. She's the real leader," Spike said.

"I'm a good leader," Angel said as Spike ran up to him with his fist back, "and if you hit me after I saved you I'm telling Faith."

"Useless corporate prat," Spike grumbled and put his fist down.

"You're so down on me going to Wolfram and Hart, but you sure don't mind driving the cars I give you or using the weapons, which if you handled better on your own, could have saved you."

"If you weren't here to distract me an' Connor with your whining about how you thought becoming an evil CEO was going to work out like a Jim Carey movie we'd have killed them all and been home by now. And by the way, next time watch the movie all the way through before you plan your son's mind-fuck. It went all wrong in the end that was the bloody point, genius!"

"You--"Angel began and Connor saw he was going to hit Spike.

Connor grabbed his dad's arm and held it back from hitting the other vampire.

"He has a point," he said with a laugh, "But, I wouldn't say it went all wrong in the end. People got their memories back and that was what was right. Jim Carey got a chance with Kate Winslet again who was really hot. It just didn't go as planned."

"That's my point," Angel said, "Things don't go as planned. You never know if these demons are going to decide that you are part of this prophecy or that they aren't working with Sajahn again. What did he say when he kidnapped you?"

Connor and Spike both groaned.

"I wish Faith never told you about that," Connor said.

"I don't know why she tells him anything," Spike said, "You deal with him. I've had it. I have a Slayer waiting for me."

"Yeah, well," Angel called after him, "I have a ware-wolf waiting for me."

"I think," he said quietly.

"Well, you're not going to get any fur flying if you don't see her," Connor said, "Look, if you're so convinced you have to be here to baby-sit me from getting sucked into another evil prophecy you can fly her out in the corporate--"

"I don't want to baby-sit you," Angel snapped and then said quietly, "I want to stop it because I couldn't before and I should have seen you grow up and I should have made sure you grew up good. I can never say Wolfram and Hart was a bad decision because it at least gave you what I didn't--a real family."

"And I wouldn't be here without them or you, or Faith, or Spike, who wouldn't be here without you," Connor said.

"Can we just leave Spike out of it, please," Angel said, "I'd do anything for you and Faith, but the last thing I need is to constantly think about a hormone adrenaline crazed vampire with a Slayer fetish. Did you want to tell me something?"

"No," Connor said.

"I thought you--"Angel began and startled when the cell phone beeped

"What's the update?" Faith's husky voice asked out of the cell speaker.

Her voice was thick from waking up or wanting to fall asleep. Connor hoped Spike would get her to rest, or Angel could if Faith wouldn't listen to Spike.

"Angel? You there?"

"Can you take it?" Angel asked handing him the phone, "I can't deal with this thing."

"I'll work it, but you know she'll want to talk to you too," Connor said.

He wanted to tell Angel that this family was real too, but sometimes Connor felt like he wasn't, but he had to take Faith's call for Angel. He knew he wanted to.

"_You have to die," Faith said feeling like she was thick, dense with power that made her a tower of strength only she didn't have to be rooted. She could move however she wanted._

_The Hellmouth billowed behind her. She knew that it was her dumb move that reopened it. She remembered all her dumb moves, but she didn't care about any of them. In fact, she wore them proudly along with the smart moves as she stood tall and advanced toward the other majestic being of power--a five-foot-nothing blonde chick with an adorably pointed face of course. _

"_I'll never die for you! Never! You're an evil disgusting thing! You're anarchy and I'm order," B had that look where she was trying to kill you will all the outrage in her round blue-green eyes._

"_You could be right about all that, B," Faith said, "But, this time it isn't about that. This time it's my turn and I get to live. I have to; it's just the way it goes. I don't make the rules."_

"_But you break them!" B insisted_

_And Faith had something she never had, freeness and a purpose at the same time, as she ripped a stone out of her own chest with zero pain._

"_But, as much as you fix shit, you were The One that broke things no one could fix. You can't break my heart anymore; now it breaks you!" _

_Faith pushed the stone into Buffy's chest and she lay lifeless under Faith, her blood poured out with a glow._

"_Her heart's stopped," she heard a girl's voice say and before she could turn calmly to see who it was_ Faith woke-up.

She jumped and shuddered and knocked over a coffee mug. She laid her face against the forest green painted wall of her own actual bedroom. But, she did not scream. She would not scream. She lived with a vampire and the son of a vampire and a Potential who had been a Slayer in The Final Battle that had pretty good hearing even though she liked going to skate punk concerts. She did not want to scare them. Then she remembered they weren't there. So, she punched the wall and she did scream. It was an angry scream, not a scared one. Okay, now that was over. No one knew. She didn't break the wall. She was glad she couldn't anymore. The damage was contained.

So, Faith got up. She looked at herself in the Ikea full length mirror that hung on the back of the bedroom door and it all could be better. Ikea was a few steps up from white trash, but Faith wasn't. She always looked like dark Irish white trash when she was tired. Well, there wasn't shit she could do about that now. There were way more important things to worry about. And it wasn't that Faith told Kennedy to stay at B's old house to make sure all was okay with the magic supply over there, but she knew it was really giving Kennedy permission to screw Willow. After they said they wanted to take it slow or some bullshit. Women-- almost as difficult as trying to get dudes to get along.

Faith took out her cell from her jean pocket. She always stuffed it into the little pocket so tight so demons would need to be really up on it to get it from her.

"What's the update?" she said into it knowing a voice would come back, "Angel? Are you okay?"

She knew Angel hated cell phones. Faith knew that was why Spike was always giving it to him to hold. Faith allowed Spike to do small things to annoy Angel; it helped make him behave.

"Five by five, Faith," it was Connor who answered because Angel usually ended up giving anything techie to him, "There was just a little upset."

"Don't tell me," Faith said back, "Something snuck up on you because you were all bickering like a' bunch of women?"

"You could say that."

"It's like working the mission with the three stooges with fangs. What happened?"

"It was nothing. Just an ambush after they pretended to retreat. They tried to take Spike alive again. He's the one they want. Not me. I keep telling Angel I've out lived my prophecy. I'm old, useless to depraved evil dogmas now."

"I think I know what you mean but you have no right to complain about the old thing," Faith smiled as she looked into the mirror again, "And I want you. Hell, I need you. Spike can take a bullet, but you made wooden bullets so I can kill those little things called vampires that I have to worry about between these prophecy battles. I think there's some expression in here about teaching a girl to fish."

"I didn't teach you anything--you're the sharp shooter."

"Yeah, well you gave me the little hooks that get the piranha. Let me talk to the dude who gives me the pole every night before he gets all huffy."

"Spike's not here. Don't worry. He just left. He's on his way to you."

Damn bastard. Couldn't he just stay put when they were after him? No.

"Who's worried?" Faith said, "Let me talk to the vampire with all the corporate pull."

She ran her finger over the snap-shot of the corner in the mirror of Spike and Connor where the flash went off too bright and they looked white-washed. Faith decided she'd tell Spike to grow his hair out from the long-ish crew-cut and she'd bleach it for him. He said he liked the way it felt when she rubbed his head, but she thought about how these demons seemed to want his ass alive and she didn't want him looking like some sorry hair-growing soldier they could just drag away. Faith wanted him to look how he had when he was evil and then good; it could give him a better chance if he ever did get taken from her again. Wow, she could really be one of those chicks that had pictures of her roommates and boyfriend that she practically saw every second anyway. Thank god for the murderous dreams where she was an icy bitch or she wouldn't be able to recognize herself.

"Everything's fine, Faith," Angel said dryly as he did more after a night of arguing with Connor and/or Spike than he did when he had to fight demon bounty hunters. "I'm doing a perimeter sweep now."

"No it's not," Faith stated.

"Faith, I know this is your town now, since Buffy-- But, I've been doing this a lot longer than you. And you don't have to worry about Spike. They didn't get him and they won't."

"Who's talking about Spike or the town? I'm talking about you. You keep nagging your kid that he's a part of some evil prophecy, telling him that's why you're here. Because all Hell knows you wouldn't be here to just spend time with him because that would be wrong with all the world-saving you could be doing with the evil corporation you're supposed to be flipping to good. Accept it's not wrong. Let Wes take care of Wolfram and Hart with the rest of your friends for a while, and have a drink with your kid, for Christ sake."

"As long as he's in this life people will want to hurt him, and he can't drink yet."

"No kidding. As long as he's alive people can hurt him? I think that's called being alive. You remember that, right? And don't be a tight ass. He'll be legal in a few weeks."

"You're right," Angel said, "Maybe you are getting better than me at--

Faith pushed the walkie-talkie button to talk over him. She realized why Spike didn't like talking to her like this.

"Stop that sentence right there," she said, "I'm just getting old, but I'll never catch up to you I'll just start to look worse."

She felt her cheeks hurt as her smile shrunk down. Who was she to be giving him advice? If he knew what she had been doing in her sleep; how she wanted B to die; he'd never want to trust her again. But, really, he was the only one who knew what that was like. Angel had to fight off fucking Angelus; Spike never had to fight himself. When Spike wanted to start loving and stop killing someone he just did. Bastard.

"Angel," Faith said closing her eyes thanking God, or whoever, he was there.

"There are things about redemption I'll never get," she said, "like how do I pay for things that I know are still inside me when I'm--when I'm happy like this? I get that maybe I shouldn't be happy--not ever-- because of all the shit I did, and I could live with that if--

"If you're being happy didn't depend on other people being happy, people that deserved it."

His mad skillz of spot-on-ness made her breathe a little easier, or worse, she just knew she was breathing more.

"Nah, what do you all need me for? I should just take off." she saw her bullshit smile in the mirror and realized he wasn't there to see it.

She had thought if it-- taking off. She'd have to tell Spike she was killing B in her sleep otherwise he'd never let her go.

"Trust me when I say that's not the answer. Look how far back it set me and Connor. Maybe leaving Buffy was the right thing to do but maybe--"

"B," Faith said, "even now I don't know how to do right by her. Angel, there are things that I see myself doing at night that--I need to talk to you."

"What?" he said, "You're bighting her? You're breaking up. How many years has it been and they still haven't perfected these things? Bored Warlock invented these--I'm telling you."

"Just finish with your sweep," Faith sighed but had to smile, "and find their lair, pick up any clues and rough up any demons you think will be willing to talk."

Here she was ordering Angel around again. Why couldn't she just come out and say the truth? It wasn't like Faith didn't deserve whatever she got from him. Well, it wasn't like she could just come out and tell him: I have dreams where I demand B dies for me and I'm all righteous while I do it. I want her dead. Faith knew Angel liked it when you led up to stuff like this with more words. He liked it when you said you were sorry. Shit like that made a difference to him; and Faith was sorry. She at least owed him a soft landing.

"Right," Angel said.

It wasn't like she wasn't used to disappointing people, but there was a small problem with disappointing them now. Angel had trusted Faith with his son, and then there was the fact that Faith somehow got Kennedy to agree to let not only Connor live with them, but also a really mouthy vampire that Faith was screwing that was on The-Crazy-Demon-Cult-Most-Wanted-List in their house too. B's friends and Dawn even had her back. Faith heard Spike knocking around the house, which meant he wanted her to hear him and he had been there for five minutes already. Fuck.

"And tell Connor we need more toilet paper before you go off to your own lair, vamp-that's-too-good-to-live-with-us," Faith said to Angel.

"Uh, Right."

Faith brushed back her hair in the mirror and decided she'd finally get rid of her highlights and go back to dark. Who was she kidding? She was thinking about how she was going to stay up all night to avoid her dreams and how she was going to get Spike to believe she was sleeping when she felt his coolness circle around her.

"Look at you," he whispered in her ear, "The weary leader."

"Yeah, look at me, but where are you?" she said as she looked into the mirror and saw only where his arms were pushing in on her, "Not where I told you to be."

"But, right were you want me to be, ma'am," he said in all his Brit glory, like he knew how sexy it was when he called her "ma'am."

She sighed and leaned into him. It wasn't that Faith didn't love this new game-- the mirror game, or the Faith-is-a-leader game. It just wasn't safe to have him so close now, just like it wasn't safe to have him so far. Those demon fucks tried to capture him again.

"It's time to change your hair back to punk," Faith said reaching up and caressing the long bristles of his head. She could feel them all bow under her sweeping hand only to spring up again even though she only saw herself in the mirror. Her own eyes were like an angry deer staring back at her too smart to get caught in the headlights, but they might just stay anyway.

"I want all those assholes to remember the bastard vamp they're dealing with if they try to take you."

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am," he said dripping with all that Sid Vicious sarcasm and hormone breath.

He would do it though. Spike would listen to her orders, like Sid did with Nancy and hey, that all worked out okay, right? How long could she keep doing this anyway? Living with a guy? Was she having some new kind of mental disorder in her old age? She had kept it going with Robin for over a year, worked and worked at it like she did her redemption, but Spike was too dangerous. He wouldn't just be a job, or a friend, or a boyfriend, or a leader or a follower. He never liked labels, and Faith had to get her label-maker out here, or she'd slip from right to wrong.

"You think this does it for me?" Faith said, "You bullshitting me that I'm a leader? I remember a time when you weren't so happy and hard for it, back when your old girlfriend I tried to kill was around. Remember how you sucker punched me and told me being a leader was what I always wanted. Well, you were wrong."

Luckily, Faith knew how to push Spike's buttons. She thought that comment would piss him off, or at least get him to stop sliding all over her like hot glue. Instead she got the breathy laugh. She could feel his chest and his abs shake against her as she saw a smallish woman in the mirror with biggish tits over-flowing out of her black hoodie because an invisible strong grip was pressing underneath her. Okay, so Faith knew how to push Spike's buttons, but it was just a little harder to find Spike's "away" button. She'd have to try harder. Or not.

"Bitch," Spike's voice said to her like it was the best word in the world, "No, I didn't know what you wanted when I knew you for 6 days. Imagine that. But, I know what you want now, don't I?"

She felt his teeth nipping up her neck and it shot through her like a ricocheting bullet. Faith shut her eyes to the reflection as she saw the woman's lips part and her big heavy lidded eyes shut. Bliss--Faith wasn't used to seeing that in the mirror. She looked like one half of a cover of a romance novel if it was casual Friday. She grunted is his grip and turned to him grabbed at his face with the lusty blue eyes and sharp cheekbones and grabbed at the cocky mouth with her own and the mouth match hers in grip and openness.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," he said between kissing, "As subtle as you are as a boot to the head, you aren't exactly forward about things. But, I know what you want. I even know what you're hiding and it's time to confess it to everyone."

"You--you know. How? I talk in my sleep? It's that I talk in my sleep. People told me I do that," she unwrapped all four of her limbs from him as they withered away in shock.

She wished she would stop talking. When she pushed him away it was like tearing off skin. She backed away towards the door.

"Can we talk about that later," he said, "I knew you were going to be this way about it, like it's some bloody tragedy, but I couldn't let it pass, ignore it. You need to get what you deserve."

"I get that," Faith said, "So, I'll tell them and they'll see who I really am and they'll kick me out. I can't help it, you know? I'm not like you. It's just who I am. I guess I still have my uses though. You still seem to want to fuck me."

"Bloody Hell, Faith! No one's kicking you--well, I might want to kick you straight in the ass if you don't--"

Spike stammered too pissed to talk. Faith tried to get ready for whatever was coming.

"Of course it's part of who you are, it's part of being alive. You think I want you dead like me? In fact, I've never wanted you more. It's just another way there's never been a Slayer like you."

"That's sick! You like that I'm a murderer? That deep down I still want B--"

"This has sod off to do with Buffy," Spike said like he was waiting for it, "Even if she weren't in another dimension, even if she was right here, which is something we have to talk about, you would still be older than Buffy. I know you are a few weeks older than her, and you are the only one that cares about your past. You are about to be the oldest Slayer that's ever lived and you should be bloody proud, goddamn it!"

"Don't tell me what--Wait. I'm about to be the oldest Slayer that's ever lived? No--I--no. It can't count because I gave up my powers," Faith said.

"We've been over this," he said, "It's in your blood. You glow with it. "

"Glowing blood," Faith swallowed thinking of B lifeless, "So, none of The Slayers ever lived to be 26. It's a gangsta life?"

"You didn't know that," Spike said, "But why were you hiding your birthday?"

"I wasn't hiding it; I forgot about it. I was hiding the fact that I keep having these dreams that I kill B every night. She fights so hard for her life, and I see her just like she was standing right in front of me. That tiny cute little nugget of blonde packed with power and filled with more good than I ever could be no matter how long I lived. You could just fall in love with that pixie face knowing she's really a goddess. But, I don't. I'm like her own messenger-of-death-slut-from-Hell. I kill her," Faith took a shaky breath as she looked at Spike's eyes that went wide.

"I need to kill her so I can live," she told him, "and I never feel bad about it as long as I 'm asleep. So, that's the real me, the person you've been fucking and looking at with those horny puppy eyes of yours thinking I'm this wicked awesome den mother or something. Turns out no matter how hard I try I'm just wicked. You should have beat the shit out of me the first time I tried to be a leader, it would have been the right thing to do."

She felt Spike reach for her and her body flinched. Damn it! If he was going to hit her she should take what she deserved. Instead she felt his cool hand on her face. She shut her eyes tight. No! She couldn't have him be nice about this.

"How could you forget your birthday was coming?" he asked and when she opened her eyes she saw he looked all sad--over her stupid birthday.

"Well, it's like a tradition, to forget it every other year," she laughed casually, "My mom started it with her drinking, and then she was in the hospital and died like three days after my 12th one, and then the foster homes weren't so keen on asking and I wasn't so keen on telling, until I got to the one with the dude you killed for screwing with me. You can guess how those b-day celebrations ended with him. So, when everyone assumed B was older than me because she got called first I was too busy off binge drinking and getting into a one-night stand threesome that went bad to correct them…Oh, and a few weeks later I turned evil."

"Faith, that's awful," he said all sacked-jawed as he held her face and she knew he wasn't talking about her being evil; he was talking about the other stuff.

"I know you were strong enough for it," he said, "But, to be so alone. It's awful."

She had to smile. Spike never felt sorry for her; he never acted like she was something that had to be fixed, even if she was.

"Um, yeah," she said, "My bad birthdays are almost as bad as me being a messenger-of-death-slut-from-Hell deep down in my soul who kills saintly women in her dreams. Didn't you hear what I said? I'm repeatedly murdering your ex-girlfriend who you suffered a soul for in my sleep, and not feeling anything like guilt about it. So, B and I didn't get along too well, even when we were on the same side, but I'm not too slow to know she gave me everything that I love before she went off to that other dimension in her usual big heroic way. I mean, what kind of person wants her dead knowing that?"

"One with a guilty subconscious," Spike said, "One who thinks that if they have any shred of happiness outside of that person's shadow that they've wronged, they feel like they are letting go of that guilt, which in turn feels to them is as wrong as killing that person. So, they might have a few dreams about it. They might even be the kind of person who feels too guilty to enjoy her birthday with people who love her."

"Hey, decent answer. That works," was the only come-back Faith had for that, "Why didn't I tell you this before?"

She could feel herself smiling at him like it was nothing as she could also feel that his words left her breathless.

"Because I'm not Angel, and you don't want me for things like this," he sneered.

Wow! He could have held it over her that he had her all figured out, but he was going into a sulk. Man, he was an idiot, in an awesome Champ perfect boyfriend way. She should tell him, telling him things worked out it seemed.

"You're a fucking idiot," she told him, "I always want you. I never don't want you. It's just you can be a top speed idiot, and I'm a little slow, so sometimes I need to take my shit somewhere else. But, I'll always bring all the good stuff back to you."

She pushed him onto the unmade bed they shared with the black and white silky comforter he brought to it. Vampires had good taste. He was the one that painted the walls forest green too.

"Decent answer, that more than works," he answered as he let her get on top of him and undo his pants, "I don't care how slow you are. If it takes the rest of your natural life for me to prove to you how amazing and good you are I'll be here to do it and there'll be lots of parties and birthday spankings while I'm doing it."

"We could even have some threesomes gone bad if you get bored over the years," she said as she straddled him like the biker he was, along with a million other things.

"Oh, be careful, Slayer. You're close to admitting that you believe me," he said

"I always believe you," she told him, "accept when you're full of shit."

And dove in to kiss him.

"Eow," he said rising as he sat up slowly on the bed, reminding her of a slowly rising Dracula in a cheesy movie.

Only he had a shit-eating grin on his face as he sat up so she straddled his lap.

"You need birthday spankings," he said as he moved her to get her pants all the way off, "bare-assed birthday spankings for being such a bad girl. I don't care how old you get, Slayer, you will never be too old for me to take you over my knee."

"One," he said slapping her ass that he now had across his lap.

She could feel that. He wasn't holding back too much. She could feel how much he wanted her ass.

"You Brits and the spankings," she panted.

"They lead to a lot of waterworks and I don't mean tears," he said.

Okay, so she liked them too. His fingers slid into her and she could hear them swoosh. Her whole body jerked and tingled from deep inside out. Still she wanted it deeper.

"Spike," she said and it came out like a wine as she wiggled and got off of his lap just to get on it again, and get him in as she faced him.

"Spike," she said again and she felt her whole body jerk around him inside her.

Well, this was a big deal. Faith never had been so close to a guy--literally and looked him in the face and said his name not like this--never like this.

"Oh, God, Faith," Spike shook and panted.

Shit! He knew what a big deal this was for her, for him too it seemed. She had totally opened herself to him by saying his name like that and he knew it. Fuck! If he said anything about it she was going to lose it and fuck everything up--pull away or lash out like the little bitch she was.

"Bad, Bad girl making me lose count of the spankings," he said with a grin even though his voice was shaky "I'll just have to do more."

He smacked her ass as she rocked back and forth on him deep inside of her, his face showing her everything she ever wanted to see. Everything she ever wanted to feel so close and so fucking good and stinging. Pleasure, ecstasy, smack, sting. Pleasure, ecstasy, smack, sting. This was an insanity she could repeat and die happy.

"You believe I love you, don't you? You know I'm the happiest I've been in all my lives with you?"

Pleasure, ecstasy, smack, sting. Push it to the limit

"Spike!"

"I'll take that as a yes. You believe I love you more than I ever loved anyone?"

Moan. Pleasure, ecstasy, smack, sting. Be a bitch.

"Harder!"

"Bad girl. I asked you a question."

Pleasure, ecstasy; harder riding; Bed busting; harder smack, sting that would last. Rock em' Sock em' ecstasy. Long silent wail. Heels and fingernails digging in.

"Dirty little cheater. You think I'll buckle? You think--you think--"his grunting fill her more, stretches her out--"I want an answer. You--believe--know--love you, Slayer--the best. Powerful lil' cunny-- bloody beautiful woman, bad, bad little girl. You answer me!"

"Spike! Spike!"

Fucking rapture! Waves breaking over and over again. Pleasure keeps going. Doesn't stop. Screaming, the good kind, the all good kind, the best kind. Harder! Hit me harder! Ride me harder! Answer me harder! Love you harder! Hold me harder! Bad girl harder! Vamp out harder! Good girl harder! He keeps going after he breaks the wall--hers and his. Goes until he knows she'll make him stop because the troops, her friends, have come home. And they will want her and him too. They will want them to say the right and wrong things, to argue and agree, to stand their ground and give in, to build up and insult, to say the things that no one else can say and do the things no one else can do. Because that's what they do and it's all good.

TBC… (Buffy comes back next, only someone has to go get her first.)


	23. Chapter 23

More or Less-- Method

It was all horrid. Giles's life was in shambles. He most likely had a son that was now dead. Giles had known Reginald all his life but never thought he could be his son. Perhaps he had suspected once, but not for thirty years. Now Giles could not help but think he had been a terrible father to him. He had given him _Pink Floyd_ records and sent him American footballs and patted himself on the back thinking he was something of a good uncle-type. Yet, that wasn't what sickened Giles. Sometimes Giles wished Reginald had been visibly part demon. He usually wished that before his eyes shut with exhaustion. Reg was most likely conceived out of an orgy with a chaos demon during some unfortunate times in the 1970s and if the boy had showed signs of being part demon Giles would know he had not just lost a son. Giles was sickened by the selfish ridiculous thought of his, but still this paled in comparison to his self-loathing as he lay over the restless body of the amazing grown child he had tried to be a father to. It was almost comically tragic that Buffy and Reginald had been lovers; Giles had only thought they would enjoy knowing each other, being the same age and having common interests...Perhaps he had hoped something would happen between them. He honestly couldn't remember. It seemed an inappropriate circumstance to have ever hoped for now, and that wasn't because a god-witch had killed Reg and put this death spell on Buffy. It simply seemed wrong to have wished Buffy to couple with anyone as she looked more child-like to him now then the first time he had ever seen her; with her round teenaged face, and fashioned crooked ponytail, blowing bubbles with bubble gum, saying she didn't care. If only he could have left her to that. If only she could have continued being that brat. If only he could have left right then and not discovered only hours later how she may've been a brat but she was also kind and resourceful. Then she would not lay here like this, her eyes round and wide with the sea greenish blue pupils dulling with pain and fear, her no longer round face looking gaunt, her body looking frail—a child of almost 25.

"It's all my fault," Buffy whispered to the ghosts inside her head, her demons, whatever the god-witch had put upon her to kill her.

"Stop this, Buffy," Olivia said gently as she was drying Buffy's golden hair that she had insisted on washing.

"I never should have been born," Buffy continued to no one.

Giles let out his breath with pained relief as Buffy was again silent. She said few things, but Giles realized whenever she spoke it was usually two lines and then no more for hours. He wouldn't have to hear her audibly suffer for a while now. He relished the silence. Until Olivia broke it.

"Buffy, don't you—" Olivia began sternly as Giles's could see furious darker lines grove into her normally smooth dark oak forehead.

"Olivia!" Giles barked at his girlfriend, "For the last time, she cannot hear you. Neither shouting at her nor fussing over her is going to get you what you want. She's not your bloody doll!"

Giles grabbed the brush out of Olivia's hand and felt satisfied when it hit the wall and dropped with a loud echo. Olivia rose from Buffy's bed-side, her lips trembling. Giles was so relieved when he realized she was trembling out of anger and not despair that he could have pulled her in for a rough kiss, but Buffy still was here, even if she wasn't.

"And she's not your bloody Slayer!" Olivia shouted, "You told me you left that place, that bloody ivory tower of Watchers, because you'd never sit by with resolve as she died, and that's just what you're doin—"

"Don't talk to me about things you know nothing about. I should have left you the minute I saw on Whitworth street-- a brainless Hacienda groupie who spend more time on her hair then she did lying to me about how old she was."

Giles heard his voice come out quietly, but fiercely as he did pull his girlfriend to him now, but he was no longer thinking of sex, merely of how stupid she was.

"You did leave, Ripper," Olivia said as she pulled away from him, but never stopped matching his glare, "You left for a long time and then you came back and while I may've gained some brains I never stopped caring about the importance of caring for hair. I know Buffy hasn't either and when she wakes up she'll be happy it's been well kept. You might as well leave us both again if blustering is all you're going to do."

Giles knew Olivia would stay here with Buffy whether he became the grand hero or ran off like some boiling hot-headed git. He knew also Olivia would keep caring for Buffy's appearance even if he threatened her with death. He had thought his devotion to Buffy would be the death of he and Olivia's rekindling. When would he stop underestimating fashionable women?

"I'm doing all I can, 'Liv," he said as her heard the softness of his voice it made his throat want to close and he remembered why being a hot-headed git had seemed a good idea.

He'd rather truly become the fool he had been again when he had been raging through Manchester than to experience what he was going through now. It wasn't just his worse fear-- Buffy dying. He could laugh at himself for thinking he had gone through such pain to experience her death before. Now he had to watch her die, painfully, slowly and yet still with no awareness so she could find her resolve and come to acceptance as she had before. He longed for the time she simply jumped in knowing what lay before her—a hero's death. Instead of this. It had to be anything but this. He had to do something. If only he could twist some bones or go through torture, but this was all he could do. Pulling out all the players carefully like a tired old coach coming out of retirement. He longed for the voice of Buffy or Xander or—hell—even Spike to throw in a 'Rocky' joke.

"If you're doing all you can then where's your witch? Where's your vampire?" Olivia demanded softly as she held his face, "Charlotte said they are the only chance Buffy has--"

"They're coming," Giles said and he had to pull away from her, "I told Willow we needed her here and she'll tell the vamp—"

"Then where is she? You didn't tell her everything. I heard you. You really told her nothing. She thinks she's coming here to—"

"You don't know Willow, and the way I speak to her isn't any of your—"

"I didn't have much chance to speak to the girl --no; I only know how much time you spent with her to get her out of some darkness after she tried to end the world. If you don't trust her how--"

"It has nothing to do with that. I completely trust Willow. I trust her all too well. That's the problem," Giles smiled bitterly as he found his glasses on the desk and put them on, "Willow used to be-- You really never saw a girl so eager to learn and so pure, so naïve. Now, now she's a bit older and far more battle scarred, far more powerful. But sometimes power isn't enough. Sometimes it's dangerous, even with the purest of intentions. It can be especially dangerous when mixed with pure emotion. There is nothing she wouldn't do for Buffy as Buffy would do anything for her—and there's nothing I wouldn't do for either of them, which includes making sure that Willow does not enter into battle with this spell and Buffy's psyche impulsively fraught with emotion."

"That would kill them both," Olivia confirmed this more to herself, "But, she has no idea how dire the situation is and the sooner she arrives here-

"It's only safe for her to teleport across the world when the temporal planes are in alignment regardless as to whether she knows about the danger Buffy is facing, and what she'll chose to face. It might comfort you to know that she'll be here four hours earlier than if she took a plane, not to mention she can bring him with her."

"Him, you mean the vampire. Have you spoke to him? He's off with that doxy, 'Faith' is it? Bloody ironic name for a girl who tried to kill Buffy. What if she--"

"Faith is on our side and so is—so is the vampire."

"But you don't trust him, do you? It's blindingly obvious from your face. Doesn't he need to be closer than anyone to Buffy for this bloody spell to work?"

"Closer to her darkness; closer to her. I suppose they go hand in hand," Charlotte said entering the bedroom of her dead son with a decanter of incense.

She glanced at Giles as she moved around Buffy's bed. He glanced back at Charlotte in her mint green flowing blouse and long skirt. She looked as a Mother-Earth/academic/powerful middle-aged witch should as she waived the decanter around the bed where Buffy lay. They had to leave her in Reginald's bed as it wasn't safe to bring her out of the dwelling of the spell that bound her psyche. The incense looked like a ridiculous new-age ritual, but Giles new that it was a very powerful spell that was keeping Buffy from feeling any physical pain. He welcomed Charlotte's intrusion, not only for her spell, but for her mere presence of being a living breathing person that would interrupt whatever dance he and Olivia were doing.

"Well, what if he's forgotten about Buffy now due to that—Faith," Olivia flustered as she struggle to not insult a girl she had never met.

She demanded to know this from Charlotte, who was now a woman few people dared demand this from. Olivia looked as fiery and engaged as Charlotte did distant now. Giles became aware of the age difference between him and Olivia again. He almost wanted to smile at it.

"He seems too bloody fickle if you ask me. I don't think he's good enough. There has to be someone else that knows Buffy like this. I know you said that the only way he could possibly survive the spell was because he is not human, but there has to be someone else that--"

"Actually--" Giles began.

"He'll come," Charlotte said with resolve of the vampire she never met.

"How do you know? Did you put a spell on him?" Olivia asked.

Giles had to consciously make sure he did not share a glance with Charlotte on his girlfriend's naivety of witchcraft.

"I know because I know what it's like to know someone's darkness and their light and if you have any kind of a soul in your being you can't deny that person when they ask for help. The vampire will come, and as torn as he may be he won't be reluctant," the witch said as she smiled at Olivia briefly as then looked at Giles with distant grief and then turned away and left the room.

"She's not always that abrupt. She's just grieving Reg," Giles told Olivia.

"Poor Buffy, I think she was falling in love with him. Poor, Reg," Olivia sighed, "I don't care if she's abrupt, Rip. I care if she's right. You do think she's right. He will come?"

"It was never Spike's attendance I worried about. It was his methods.

TBC….very soon…(Not only did Spike and Willow hide the fact that Buffy's been back in this world, but now they're being asked to risk themselves to save her. Some people react to this news better than others. How far away has Spike moved from Buffy? Can she be saved? What the heck is a god-witch anyway?)


	24. Chapter 24

"I knew something was up

"I knew something was up. I knew you were itching to get out of here, but you seriously don't know when you'll be back?" Faith frowned and those two little worry lines came out on top of the bridge of her nose.

She looked achingly beautiful was she was upset, but Spike didn't like seeing it. He had hoped that her upset look could go on holiday for a little longer, like for the next 30-70 years or so. Faith looked off towards the front window as she absent-mindedly walked towards it. Spike silently followed her and sat on the couch and stared at Faith's deep-thinking face that he knew only surfaced for viewing by accident.

"There's something serious going on. I don't know how serious, but I have to go there and see. See if it's true—What do you mean secret girlfriend? Did someone—I have no secret girlfriend," Angel said to Faith as he followed her several feet behind. "Nina isn't a secret."

"I'm not talking about werewolf girl. I'm talking about the girl who texts me from time to time, but I guess you didn't know about that," Faith said to Angel as she turned to him and grinned suddenly

"What?" Angel said, "Text? That's like an email, right? Who text you? Taxed you? Texted you? "

Spike pulled Faith into his lap. She allowed him this major display of affection in front of Angel. She even smiled, though she may've just been smiling smugly at Angel. Spike smiled too. He seemed to be allowed to reach for her, to hold her as much as he liked at home—their home. Their home was where he saw her smile more than anywhere. Especially in the morning light that he could see her in now because she insisted they put those bloody Wolfram and Hart windows in. Spike didn't complain. He learned the less he complained about Angel the more he could hold Faith in front of Angel.

"He was like this when the phone came out too. Give him fifty years," Spike said.

He just couldn't help making fun of the brooding hulk sometimes.

"You know who texted me," Faith answered Angel, "The girl you're going away with. She's achingly beautiful, sexually deadly, well not to everyone, just the unlucky ones. I think she just broke up with a friend of yours and she screwed another one before I could get to him, but he's mine now."

If Spike's insults to Angel were harmless Faith rewarded him. Now she causally laid herself across his lap on the Scandinavian beige and lilac striped couch Spike took home after a vamp nest raid.

"She's a girl after my own heart," Faith continued to go on about Angel's situation, "Totally electrifying…"

"Gwen!" Angel said suddenly as he face loosened with relief, "You tex—Gwen sent you a message. About me wanting to take her on--about her coming with me."

"Yeah," Faith said, "But, I thought you were just trying to do her, now that her and Gunn broke up. I didn't know it was a world saving thing."

"Her and Gunn broke up?" Spike asked.

"Gunn and Gwen were dating?" Angel asked.

"I thought you had to go alone," Connor spoke as he continued to clean the weapons with his Ipod phones in his ears.

He was further back in the dinning nook with their finer swords on the dinning table that used for everything but dinning.

"I'm bringing Gwen along because I know—I thought—she'd be discreet, and she has certain skills that could help," Angel said.

"Mad electric skillz," Faith said, "Look, Gunn was stupid enough to let Gwen go because he's all about business these days. If you want to mix business with pleasure I'd say she's fair game."

"Why am I not surprised that all of this sudden drama is really about a girl everyone got to be with except you?" Connor said dully.

Spike smiled. He had a lot less work to do with Connor around.

"This is not about—"Angel began roughly but then softened, "I'm dating Nina. I'm not interested in anyone else. Did I mention this is about saving the world?"

"Hey, I'm just sayin' you don't have to hide what you do with your business. It's all good by me," Faith said.

"It wasn't good by you when his corporation teamed up with the old Watchers and The daughter of the dead Initiative scientist to put a new version of a chip in my head that would make me a living-dead Terminator that wanted to kill you and Connor and do who knows what else," Spike said and he instantly regretted it.

Faith did more than get those two cute worry lines on the bridge of her nose. Her deep honey stained-glass eyes went wide with misery. He was happy when they snapped back and focused on him and narrowed into agitation.

"Shut-up," she said as she quickly sat up and elbowed him in the chest, "You know Angel had nothing to do with any of that! That was Wes and he was only did it because you were relapsed back into a psycho-killer."

"I was not bloody psycho! Just a killer," Spike said.

"Yeah, because going to kill a guy that last screwed me in 1995 thinking I'd take you back for beating the shit out of Wes was totally sane," Faith snorted, "Besides, how could Wes know the Watchers and that crazy bitch I killed were going too far?"

"Past experience?" Connor suggested as he looked at up from cleaning his weapons to Faith.

"You shut-up too," Faith said with less venom, "It doesn't matter anymore. Now that Wes and Fred are the power couple she'll never let him do anything stupid again."

"Wes and Fred are dating?" Angel asked.

"Thanks to the Slayer here," Spike smiled and pulled Faith into his lap again, "She has a way with words that get people to act lest they don't go for what they really want until they're dead."

"I didn't do anything," Faith said. Spike could feel her whole body flush, "You make me sound like I'm some girly advice girl. God, why did I ever tell you! I didn't do anything. I just told her Wes would never be perfect, and she should forgive him. Ya know for murdering that guy who tried to turn her into that thing and for almost killing Spike and stuff. She was all touchy about that for some reason. I mean, it wasn't like he was screwing someone else behind her back and any idiot could see she wanted him."

"I hope all this dating doesn't lead somewhere bad. I mean, it's nice you did that, Faith. You did a nice thing," Angel said.

"I didn't—I don't do nice—"she flushed even more. She tried to get off of Spike's lap but he held her tighter and she didn't fight it.

"But, dating, relationships—love--complicates things," Angel went on clueless to Faith's embarrassment, "It can make people unfocused and selfish and--"

"Speak for yourself," Spike said, "I've never been stronger. I've never fought better. How many innocent lives have we saved this month alone? How many vampires have we killed? How many kittens in how many trees? How many parallel universe holes have we closed? How many zombie Nazis?"

"Actually, that was just Dawn that closed that parallel hole by herself. I shouldn't have left her alone like that," Connor said as he took his Ipod phones out of his ears.

"You were kind of busy with like 30 zombie Nazis. Harris helped Dawn," Faith reminded, "I really hope Robin expelled that kid from school. History project my ass! Though it was really awesome to see Kennedy go ape-shit like that when they came down on Willow. I was so glad she got to be a Slayer again, even if it was only for one night. I miss K though. Her and Willow have been screwing so much at B's house since then it's like she lives there."

"Proves my point," Spike said, "If those two didn't have a thing going Willow never could have given Kennedy power to become a Slayer, Kennedy never would've had the strength to go on. Harris is even useful due to his fatherly love for Dawn. Love is the blood that keeps you going. Love only complicated things if you're some kind of a simpering puss who's--"

"I'm not talking about fatherly love!" Angel snapped, "I'm talking about--I'm not talking about anything."

"Right, except leaving, so just go," Connor said dully and went back to cleaning weapons.

"No," Faith said, "Your dad is trying to talk about stuff we're just not giving him a chance to say it for a change. Where did you say you were going, Ang?"

"He didn't," Connor spoke as he continued to clean the weapons with his Ipod phones in his ears.

"Europe," Angel said, "There's been a big temporal disturbance and I need to go to see it, check on it."

"Europe—a temporal disturbance," Connor said, "Now we know everything. Thanks, Dick Chaney."

The kid knew exactly how his father was, and wasn't holding out for anything different. Spike laughed too loudly knowing he'd get Faith's elbow in his chest. "Ow!" Spike knew he was at his limit and couldn't say another word against Angel and whatever his world-saving mission was. Spike didn't exactly mind that he was going off to do whatever he did to keep the world turning. Let him have the glory. Spike's would be right here living his live with his redeemed soul and redeemed soul-mate in The Re-risen Hellmouth of the suburbs.

"Sounds all physical or metaphysical or whatever," Faith said, "Connor is good at that stuff. Why don't you take him?"

"Who said I wanted to go?" Connor said as he looked up from the sword he was polishing and looked at Faith.

"C'mon," Faith said, "You're at that age where you should be doing all that back-packing crap. You could go to Prague or Bulgaria or whatever drink coffee and smoke pot and hook up with older chicks there. It has to be getting boring doing it in Sunny D, since we don't need you to kill things these days."

"I already did all that stuff right before I went to Brown. That was when my memories started coming back. I like it here in the suburbs. I'm still killing plenty every night," Connor said.

"You're smoking pot, and you're with an older woman—older women?" Angel's brow furrowed.

"Sometimes," Connor said as his eyes went back to cleaning the weapons, "You mean you can't smell everything I'm doing while you going off to Mission Vague somewhere on the largest continent in the world?"

"I—"Angel began.

"Connor," Faith began on her mum routine, "you're dad--"

She got up to walk Angel to the door and Spike grabbed her between his knees.

"--should go somewhere to talk with you alone before he has to go be the Mick double O' seven of the night," Spike said.

"Don't tell me what I should—Actually, we should do that. We can go--" Angel said.

"--to the sewers," Connor completed dryly but then smiled, "Maybe we'll run into some surviving zombies. I'll bring the lathing hatchet."

And almost quickly enough Angel and Connor were gone.

"You're an asshole," Faith said as she wiggled between his knee grip, "You really don't care that they get along, that the kid stays on the right path. You just care because if he doesn't it might interfere with you getting laid."

"I do care," Spike said as he pulled Faith into him and began to lay gentle kissed on her which she accepted with closed eyes.

"I just know things you don't," he said, "I know that you keep Connor on the right path far more than the jet-setting fanged CEO with a guilty conscious. I know I'd do anything to help Connor because that's what you'd want, but I know he's a good kid and I know how hard it is to be stuck with Angel no matter what. But what is of the utmost importance is: I know nothing Angel does or doesn't do can interfere with us making love."

"Making—"she broke off laughing, like he knew she would, "Sometimes I think you're totally gay, Spike."

He also knew she would kiss him hard on the lips and straddle his lap. She slid up his lap with the friction of black denim on black denim and her lips.

"Well, I can think of one way I can get thought out of your head right now," he said

"You—you're right, you know?" she said after suddenly pulling away from an open-mouthed kiss she started.

"I know," Spike said, "After I make love to you I'll be able to say the phrase whenever I want and you'll never question my manhood. Actually, —"

"Not that, moron! Stop saying that," she grumbled and then flushed and bounced off of his lap and looked at him sheepishly, licked her lips and looked away.

"You were right about what you said about love an' that shit when Angel said it can get in the way," she gave him another quick round-eyed look, "I mean, he's not wrong. But, I—I'm stronger now like you said. I mean not literally. I'm literally weaker 'cause I gave up my super powers to save your ass. And I did not do that because I was in—into you. I did it because it was the right thing to do. Just liking helping Connor or Fred or some poor schlub on the street is the right thing to do. But I am stronger 'cause of my ties to Connor and Angel, Kennedy and-and you. I always thought if I got tied down it would make me weak or worse I'd—I'd make people weak. Angel's just like me. How I used to be. He's afraid if he gets too close—"

"Look at me!" she grumbled suddenly even though he had never stopped.

"I'm a stupid girl getting up in everyone's business with my stupid —You did this to me, ya know? I knew Robin was a good guy, better than you, but you didn't just show me how it was supposed to work you showed me—You— because of you I'm--."

"You're a woman," he couldn't help but smile, "and as much of a fan I am of that fact it has sod off to do with me. You always bloody cared about people. But, you just had to become a woman because you were too scared to show it as a girl is all."

"That's something a guy would say to get his girlie girlfriend into bed," she said, "You could've just bent me over the coffee table to shut me up. I'd have been fine with it."

"I suppose you're not enough of a woman to admit you like it better when I make love to you yet," he said as he rolled his eyes and then landed them back on her shirty face.

"S'all right. I've got time. Not getting any older, but I'm quite fine with you doing it. And since I've prolly bollixed this up to the point where you're just going to hit me and run away, I'll tell you I'd marry you right now, but I'll wait until you're ready."

She stared at him. Her eyes didn't move about like they did when she was overwhelmed or in battle. Her heart wasn't beating any faster. They didn't narrow in anger. She didn't lick her lips or flush or try to hide a smile. He was expecting some combination of these reactions going 100 miles an hour in every direction. Faith just looked at Spike with her skin glowing orange with the setting sun in the widow along wither her hair that had grown quite long and fell in slight waves past her shoulders. She looked almost serene. Her stare made him stand up but freeze on his feet at not come anywhere closer to her.

"Sorry," he said after what seemed like much too much time went by, "That was a shit way of purposing, I suppose, but I've truly never did it before. I don't have any experience. I wasn't planning on doing it like this. Balls! I guess you don't get to do it again, do you? Great idea, propose as a dare after you've ruined your chances for sex on the coffee table with the mail pilling up of skate punk and lesbian magazines. That's ideal. I couldn't have waited until I was dramatically rescuing you from a dragon or something. And before you have your fun with me there are dragons, you know! They've been endangered since the 15th century so I've never fought one. But, I killed fire breathing Drake Demon for Dru once. Right. Now I'm talking about things I did for other girls before I really knew about love. It was easy with her. I just had to kill things and act like I had the biggest fangs. With my luck with real love, you'd end up saving me from the dragon and I'd have to fight with you so you wouldn't sacrifice yourself to save me. Why do you do that? You're so bloody-- If you even think of risking yourself to save me again I'll—I won't be happy. I won't be bloody happy at all!"

"You won't be happy until you strip me down to the bone, will you?" she said and shoved Spike to sit back down on the couch.

She smiled at him in a way that made him get himself back from wherever he had went in her silence. She always surprised him. She shoved him back on the couch.

"I'd much prefer if your bones stayed under the skin, if you wanted to strip down to the flesh though I'd be perfectly happy," he smirked.

Then, she looked at him in a way that made all his parts ache in all ways. Then she turned away from him and shimmied out of her jeans and all the rest of it like the way an old jazz singer would shimmy out of a dress. It took him back to the days when taking off your clothes really was an art and they sang and stripped with their souls not polls; and you wouldn't even dream of touching them with your hands or dirty money. Maybe you would just embrace them and take them as achingly, poetically with your fangs as had taken you with that dance. He wanted to take Faith and to be taken by her dance more than he ever did with any of them. He wanted to take her in a way so that would last for her whole life. Faith looked back at him with nothing but that severe pout and he smiled wickedly. Josephine Baker had nothing on her. He knew he was the luckiest bastard alive or dead. Then, she had to surprise him again.

"Make love to me, Spike," she said looking him dead in the face, "There. Now if you really think this is your one true moment of happiness get back to me when you can, but don't—don't hurt me. Okay? I—I'm pretty sure now that I can't hurt you. So, don't do it to me."

"You can do anything you want to me, love. I'll always come back," he said.

Her eyes misted as she had a new face of aching beauty.

"And I can tell you right now," he whispered as he walked over to her gently, "This is not my one true moment of happiness because ever since I've been with you, I think ever since I've gotten to know you-- I've been truly happy. And the only way I would ever hurt you is if someone took over my body and forced me to and what are the odds of that happening again?"

Spike had plenty of time to react to her rushing at him, but she still toppled him over and they fell to the floor.

"You gonna make love to me or what?" she smiled and kissed and moaned like the Faith he always knew with many little surprises. Spike knew she was just more of the girl he knew when she flushed and came but now didn't look away when he said he loved her over and over. She didn't say she loved him too; she didn't have to. All she had to do was let him inside and he came inside until he was dizzy. Faith told Spike to stay inside even when he had no more to give and was small because she said she always wanted him inside her even when she could "sleep for like a week."


	25. Chapter 25

"Come to bed

More or Less Chapter 41

"Come to bed. You need sleep," Kennedy said when Willow gave her that doubting school teacher look, "No, I really mean it. Sleep for you. I'll even leave, but not before I tuck you in."

"No leaving for you, missy," Willow looked up at Kennedy from her computer screen as she came closer.

"Okay," Kennedy said, "How 'bout I just promise not to attack you in your sleep?"

"Hey, I'm the one that's been doing all the attacking lately. Do you want me to stop?"

"Not ever, but don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my dyke-in-control street cred."

"There's dyke street cred? You have to tell me these things!"

Kennedy gave her girlfriend a long hard peck on the lips.

"No I don't," Kennedy said as she moved around to sit on Willow's lap, "I keep telling you: you're a goddess, and you're above all of that. Just like you're above over-working for the morally questionable Sunnydale University."

"I'm actually not working on work, but even a goddess has gotta pay the bills somehow," Willow said as she slipped her arm around Kennedy.

"You don't have to do that either," Kennedy said, "Let me take care of you. My family has more money than god, which is at least as much as Angel with the Wolfram and Hart LA branch."

Kennedy curled herself up in Willow's desk arm chair, in her arms, as small as she could as she offered Willow everything.

"We could be like Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend, only without the excessive tanning and the skank-icity."

"Yeah, but I think they're both loaded, and I don't mean with drugs. Not anymore," Kennedy said, "Don't you notice how the press fails to mention that since Lohan came out and found that girl she stopped crashing cars into things?"

"Just like me after I found you!" Willow exclaimed happily and then began kissing Kennedy grabbing at her hips and ass.

"I kinda found you, remember?" Kennedy reminded between kisses, "I found you and I wanted to sweep you off your feet and save you so you could be my princess. But it ended up--"

"You ended up helping me find myself," Willow said, "No one else could do that, Kennedy. Not the way you have. I've had people who love me save me before, like a million times. I've been really lucky like that. I kinda have been a princess in a nerdy-best-friend-sometimes-going-to-the-dark-side-way, but I never had anyone help me just be me with all the bitchy dark stuff. Oh no! Does this mean I 'm a Jewish Princess now?"

"I'd love it if you were my Jewish Princess," Kennedy said, "But Willow, you don't get it when I say: 'You are a goddess.' That's way above princess in rank. You really can do anything with your magic, anything you want. You're saying I helped you be you, bitch and all, meanwhile who made me reach my full potential last week? You turned me into a Slayer, baby. You saved my life!"

"Um, no, you saved my life. Not to mention Dawn's and Xander's and those poor kids I froze up on. I-I knew I couldn't use any magic on those…things. I would have destroyed us all with them. Then you came and you-- I didn 't really turn you into a Slayer, if the Potential, with a capital 'P', wasn't already in you I could have never done that. It wasn't like it was a planned spell. I don't even know how I did it or why it only lasted long enough to kill those-- I couldn't defend myself. I couldn't stop them from--but I saw you. You wanted to fight. You weren't afraid to--I was not going to let them hurt you," Willow said.

Kennedy saw Willow's face go pale and her brow twist up, and she knew her girl was thinking about those Nazi bastards. She got off Willow's lap and pulled Willow's face to hers.

"Stop it. Stop thinking about them," Kennedy demanded and then she kissed Willow. She felt her lips tremble in the kiss.

"I killed them all. I chopped them up so thin they couldn't be a stew in those ovens. They will never hurt you again," Kennedy said firmly, " I'm the only thing that will ever touch your beautiful Holy skin of the chosen people."

Kennedy pulled up the sleeve of Willow's fuzzy flannel cow pajamas to reveal a patch of red irritated skin on the inside of her porcelain white lower arm. There was clearly a thin black number 7 burnt into Willow's arm in the patch of red pain. Kennedy kissed and licked the burn. This was the first time she had done that. Even though the injury was a week old and she hadn't left Willow's side since.

"No! No! No!" Kennedy said firmly as Willow began to cry, " We're not going to let them win."

She went back to kissing Willow's lips. Willow began to kiss back wildly and coax Kennedy to the floor. Before Kennedy could pull Willow to her and brush back her red messy morning hair and kiss her some more, Willow was yanking at the elastic of Kennedy's bright green sweat pants and burying her face between Kennedy's legs. Kennedy looked down at her lower body with her eyes half closed in joy as Willow licked at her spot. She thought it looked like some kind of X-rated Christmas as Willow's red hair waved out over the thighs of Kennedy' s green sweats. Of course, Kennedy knew it was more like Chanukah and she was totally converted. This was about her eighth day with Willow giving her these gifts. Willow didn't let up on her for a second even as Kennedy tried to reach out to give her anywhere near the same pleasure. Kennedy just had to give into The Goddess as she used her magic fingers and sweet mouth everywhere and everyway. She threw herself into the extreme pleasure. In between moaning and going beyond moaning into silent screaming maybe non-humans could here Kennedy would say: "You're amazing. You're the best. I love you, Red."

She started to plead: "Let me worship you. Let me worship you, please." When she felt like she was going to explode in a new way, her pussy satisfied completely buzzing and aching. She wanted to taste Willow's skin, feel the firm and the give of her apple shaped ass. Kennedy wanted to watch Willow's thin bowed upper-lip and her pouty bottom lip open wide as her long graceful neck arched and her turned up nose pointed towards the ceiling of Buffy Summer's old house. She wanted Willow to feel something that was 10 times more amazing than anything in her old life in this house. She wanted to make her scream about it. Of course, Kennedy Ordonez always gets her way. "You are so beautiful, so, so beautiful. I just want to give you everything. Give you everything all the time," she said when her tongue stud wasn't curling and caressing around all things Willow.

Then, something happened that never had before. Willow talked. "I need you," she said. Willow liked to talk during their cute little sex-magic experiments where she made Kennedy float sometimes. But, she didn't talk like this. Not during real sex, not while she was coming. "I need you. I need you so much, Kennedy! I never needed anyone like I need--"

Then Willow came so hard she screamed. Kennedy felt the world shake-- literally. And she knew it wasn't an earthquake or a demon attack. It was Willow. She held on to Willow's hips tight. When Willow reached out for her she immediatly slid up to be wrapped in the arms of her earth moving mama.

"I should be worried, or guilty about that, shouldn't I?" Willow panted and laughed.

"Only if you believe the republicans," Kennedy said.

"I'm still changing. I'm becoming more powerful, in a good way because of you," Willow said.

"That's what I've been trying to say, but every time I try to talk about it you--"

"Got on you like you were a lollipop with a candy center of pure hot Greek/Latina goodness?" Willow smiled now.

"Yeah, like I said, I'm not going to complain about that if you want to continue it. But, you have to let me give a little too," Kennedy smiled back at her.

"Can't I give a little more? I was up here working on trying to see how I can turn you into a Slayer permanently and I gotta get back to work," Willow said and she got back up to her computer.

"Willow, you shouldn't--"

"I know; I know I shouldn't mess with forces that I have no right to mess with. Believe me I know it. But, I know I'm not doing that this time. The sharing Slayer spell was just too dangerous for all those girls. It wouldn't be for you. I don't know why the choosy-Slayer-goddesses chose Faith over you. I never would, and it's not because I need you, or love you. You're special, Kennedy."

"I was just going to say you shouldn't work so hard for me," Kennedy said, "And thanks for saying you'd choose me over my hot best friend. And I'm not going to make a big thing about how you said you loved me and you never said that before. I'll just casually lean up on the desk so I don't fall over after I put my pants back on."

"Let's not get crazy with the pants. So Faith is really your best friend?" Willow asked, "And you think she's hot?"

"I think she knows how to keep a squad functioning at its best. And I'd never tell her this, but I've come to totally respect how she went all reverse gender-role chivalrous and give up her Slayer Power to save Princess Spike. It's worked out well. I'd never want to step on her toes and become The Slayer," Kennedy said.

She gripped the desk that she was leaning her ass on as she took her lower lip between her teeth and looked straight ahead to think as she was in nothing but her old "Hothead Paisan" t-shirt.

"But, I guess I wouldn't be The Slayer; Faith would still be the Slayer," Kennedy said, "I'd just be reaching my full potential because of my totally awesome girlfriend! I suppose having at least one chick around with super strength couldn't hurt. I mean, it's a total sausage-fest of superheroes out there. I feel like I'm in an episode of 'Super-Friends', accept the dudes are pale, and most of them live in my house and complain about my taste in television."

"'Numbers' is a great show! I love doing the math so you can figure out the mystery," Willow said, "That's it. I'm getting right on making you Wonder Woman and you should move in here with us."

"You want me to--I own that house over there, you know? You want me to leave it to the ex-con and her vamps?" Kennedy turned to look at Willow.

She had wanted Willow to move into her house for ages, away from this Summer's house and the ghost of Tara. Now Willow was saying she wanted Kennedy to move in to this house. But, Willow didn't seem to be thinking about Tara at all. She seemed to be thinking about Kennedy. But, it wasn't like Willow hadn't been focused on Kennedy before in the house of Buffy Summers, The Slayer that had long been in another demension.

"Willow," Kennedy swallowed looking into those big brown eyes of hers, "If we move too fast for you, we'll just have to back up and as much as I think I'm strong enough to take on anything for you, I don't think I can take that again."

"You are strong enough for anything. It's me that's not pulling my weight. I do want to figure out this Slayer spell for you kinda fast because I want to do it before I go on my trip to England," Willow said.

Before Kennedy could ask anything Willow was pecking at her lips.

"I promise I won't be long, sweetie. I meant to mention it sooner, but with all the Nazi zombies followed by the earth shattering sex …And when I come back I promise everything is going to fall into place for us. It might be a little different at first, but then you'll see, it'll just get better."

"Okay," Kennedy said, "I'm sold. Let's go to England."

"Oh," Willow wined, "You don't know how much I wish I could take you with me."

"Why can't you?" Kennedy said, "You think I care that I don't understand all the details of that earthy hocus pocus Giles and your coven friends will talk about? I still love your magic and I want to be around it."

"Mmm," Willow wined, "I can't take you with me for stupid reasons. I'm helping an old friend with a temporal disturbance who really likes their privacy, but after this I don't think it'll be an issue."

"Is this your friend that you spend all the time on the phone with? You're helping her out with a temporal disturbance? Like a disturbance in her brain? She's a psycho-magic-chick and you're like her therapist 'cause you're a former-psycho-magic-chick?"

"No, no!" Willow said with a laugh, "You're so cute. A temporal disturbance is like when time goes all floopy in one area. It's usually caused by the Rwasundi demons. Although, Giles didn't mention them. He just said a temporal disturbance. Giles did say Tar--someone-- had a 'temporal disturbance' when they were driven mystically crazy once."

"Well, I'm no magic expert, but I know how Giles and you communicate. Your friend probably did go nuts from magic like Tara," Kennedy said, "but he didn't want to tell you because he didn't want you to stress until you got there. He keeps forgetting what I know, that you can do anything. If you saved Tara from this temporal thing, you'll save your friend and be back here before you get used to the time change. It's okay to say Tara's name, you know. So, we've both loved other women in the past. All that matters is we both love each other now.."

"Only a god can cause a temporal disturbance in someone's head," Willow mumbled, "There's no way that could've--Giles said she was just too busy to come to the phone herself. I couldn't figure out why he told me to bring Spike."

She jumped up and pulled her cow flannel pajama tops on and started doing a mad topless search of her bookshelves with her brows in an adorable knit.

Kennedy knew Willow was getting all distracted now. It wasn't a big deal. Willow saying she loved Kennedy was a big deal! She was going to be understanding about England and let Willow do her thing. As bratty as she was, Kennedy realized if she was with one of the most powerful women in the universe she was going to have to give her some space to do other things, like go to England to help some girl with Giles and bring...

"Wait, did you just say--"Kennedy began.

Kennedy heard her phone go off from somewhere in the room. The ring tone was the "Limp Bizkit" version of that good old George Michael song:

"Faith," Kennedy stated as she answered her phone that she had to crawl behind some bookshelves to find.

"What up?"

"Oh good," Faith drawled back, "You're alive. Thought maybe that spontaneous slayering your girlfriend zapped into you killed you or more likely she screwed you to death because the witch has got a thing for zombie eviscerators."

"Talk about what turns you on to your corpse boyfriend," Kennedy answered, "Willow and I have a very safe healthy relationship. Unlike you people with your unnatural lifestyle we don't go around killing each other."

"Wow, I was gonna ask you if you wanted to check out this new coffee house where all the hip kids hang out. Ya know, so we could case the joint for demon scum. But if you are going to bore me with talk of your safe an' healthy relationship, I don't know," Faith said.

"You mean you're bored because your boyfriend and your father and son vamp team are sleeping and no matter how hard you try you just can't sleep through the whole day."

"Well, you almost have it," Faith said, "Angel's gone global and his bat signal went off in Europe, and if you call Connor a vampire one more time I'll kick your teeth in; Spike is gonna sleep until at least sundown with the rug burns I gave him. I really thought I'd be right there with him, but maybe I'm all motherly and can't sleep without a full house. Unless all the rug burns he gave me just gave me too much of a buzz to sleep. That's more like it. I'm already at the place. You comin' to get coffee or what?"

"I might have to sit this one out," Kennedy said, "My girl might be going away for a few days soon. So..."

Kennedy looked at Willow. She was busy with a book she dusted off.

"Because she's sore from eight straight days with you," Faith said, "C'mon, K, bring the all-powerful little missus. I'll give a jingle to Harris and Dawn so she feels at home. I've been meaning to debrief with them about the whole zombie Nazi thing anyway."

"Hang on a sec."

Kennedy looked over at Willow again. She knew that her girl could hear the whole conversation. Faith didn't exactly have a low cell phone voice. Kennedy also suddenly remembered that Willow wasn't a big fan of how Faith and Kennedy joked around about sex. She didn't know why she always seemed to forget this when she was talking to Faith. Kennedy knew if she could just get Faith to tone it down Willow would really like hanging out with Faith too.

"Oh," Willow looked up from her book looking serious and tired, "You should go ahead, but I have some calls I need to make here."

"You have some sleep you need to get," Kennedy said to her.

"I do, don't I?" Willow gave her a tired smile, "I won't be good to anyone if I don't do that. You do make me stronger, you know? Ready for almost everything."

"Everything is just what's coming up for us, Red. Just like you said," Kennedy smiled back.

"Yeah, stuff's coming up," Willow said.

Willow absent mindedly put her pajama top back on covering up her perky breasts and pink nipples. Boo. She did this while never taking her eyes off her book, which was so adorable it almost made up for the best day so-far ending. Kennedy pecked Willow on the head and started heading out to find her jeans to meet Faith.

"Willow has better things to do than come to one of your so-called debriefing sessions that just devolve into everyone A.D.D.ing and getting high on sugar while doing target practice with those vamp-guns," Kennedy said.

Willow was really anti-gun. She was strictly a stake girl. She didn't even like cross-bows since one killed her cat by accident. Kennedy thought it was time Willow got a new cat.

"It's called having fun, K," Faith said.

"Fun!" Kennedy joked to Faith, "I don't know what happened to you, chickie. You turned on me. You used to run a tight ship. Now you have that vampire pawing at you and you live off the other one's money while his kid follows you like a puppy. I'll bet you even made a mess of my house. Not the way it's supposed to be. You are still The One True Chosen Slayer in this world, you know? "

Kennedy gave Willow one last look from the hall. Willow looked at Kennedy so intensely as if Kennedy had just said something major. Then she smiled and looked away. It was hard to leave her, but she could tell that was what her girl wanted, and Faith would be happy if Kennedy came back into the fold too. Most importantly, Kennedy would be happy with all of it, especially after Willow came back from England. No, most importantly Willow was happy and loved her, and even though she might fret like a sexy Jewish-Wicca Princess Goddess from time to time Kennedy would be her rock.

"Yeah, I'm an abomination as a Slayer. Everyone knew that years ago. Get with the times," Faith's voice said from the phone.

"I have to admit," Kennedy said with Willow out of earshot, "I'm more into wanting time to stand still 'cause it's so good right now. Did you happen to feel that earthquake? It was centralized in my girlfriend's house because we really did make the earth move."

"Cool," Faith said, "Hey, bring your gun. I have some more wooden tipped bullets Connor cooked up. You want a mint mocha?"

TBC…

Who's going to England to help some girl now? How does love work with all these super strong people when they are willing to die (and lie) for more than one person? I don't know I didn't write that part yet. I'm doing it today.

Anyway, if you live in California please vote NO on Prop 8. A NO for 8 is a NO for Hate! Marriage and Family for all!

Want Kennedy's t-shirt from this fic go to: www.hotheadpaisanDOTcom


	26. Chapter 26

Faith was sitting on a bar stool in the dark oak paneled coffee bar that was going for that hipster look of trying to look like a real oak paneled bar from the seventies. It didn't. Not with all the hipster art on the wall that looked like some housewife's scrap book exploded. You could tell even by looking at Faith's back that she wasn't like the rest of these little hipsters. Her hair was too long and her highlights were too home-done and growing out and her hoodie was too plain and black while all the other girl's exploded in fashion victim color. Kennedy saw Faith's face in the mirror of the bar. It was still and serene where the corners of her heart shaped lips were turned up. Her brows eyes were looking into the mirror but not at herself. She was watching the sky. The setting sun. Kennedy felt like she hadn't seen Faith in a long time or something. It almost looked like it wasn't her. She looked older, but in a good way. Like she was thinking about something that made her really think without getting that frown. She looked thoughtful and she looked like she was on the border of being happy about it. That was when she turned to Kennedy and grinned, and Kennedy almost felt bad that she stopped this girl, this woman, from thinking. Kennedy saw Faith smile and look at her like she had some joke to share while she shifted forward on the bar stool. Any regrets Kennedy had of interrupting Faith from looking different disappeared. She was all Faith with that smile—all Slayer, and Kennedy was all Potential and she had finally got there with Willow. Kennedy wanted to brag to The Slayer about that, about Willow.

"There's my dyke, marching in," Faith said.

"I'm so not yours," Kennedy retorted as she hopped up on the coffee stool after her dirty look chased some guy that was considering sitting there away.

"You're a way too butch for me. And saying stuff like that is what makes Willow not want to come—"

"Yeah, she's so the kinda girl that needs that Norah Jones love song crap," Faith said.

"You'd be surprised," Kennedy said, "All we needed was the floor in her office in Summers' house to make the earth move."

"And she needs the ground that B used to walk on to get off or something? What's wrong with our house?" Faith's sotto voice said lightly as she looked away.

"Number one fuck you and number two, it's my house, and no mortgage crisis is gonna take it from me. Just you and you're loud boyfriend and the cougar bait. I'm moving out."

Kennedy felt her chest heave with excitement and her smile break wide even though she was trying to keep her cool. Why should she even try to be cool? Kennedy was the coolest. She was moving in with Willow Rosenberg!

"Hey, I was kidding about the B thing," Faith shrugged with a fake two second grin and then looked away "But, I guess it's time I stopped playing house with you guys anyway; I'm not exactly the suburban wife type. We should all get our own places before something--

"Put your abandonment issues in the penalty box, Captain" Kennedy said and held her hand up, "Willow just asked me to move in with her is all. The house stays. I know you need a place where you can supervise the skinny vamp spawn when the rich and powerful patriarch isn't here, and I'm more than happy to provide the holding station. I may not agree with your lifestyle choice of screwing the mouthy super model-cheeked one, but as long as you get the job done…"

"Wait you're shitting me. Willow asked you to move in there? Into B's house where B and the dead ex used to live? Isn't she worried Dawn will go all goth if you do that? So you finally get the wedding bells you were after. Who cares if it's legal? It's more fun that way. I'm sure."

Faith's eyes were connecting right into Kennedy's now. She smiled casually now.

"No one is talking about weddings but you. Twice now, which is about as common as Sarah Palin going to a Pride Parade sponsored by PETA and as creepy. Spike wouldn't do something stupid like ask you to marry him, would he?"

Kennedy expected a snort and a laugh and some awesomely rude comment. Instead her friend turned away but not before Kennedy could see the color of her face changing which was really rare. She had only seen that happed once before when she told Faith Angel was her father figure, which was extremely obvious. But, not as obvious as the latest stupid move Spike had made.

"No way!" Kennedy said and laughed, "He really is a total moron. I know he knows you as well as I do and yet he does something that's gonna make you do your psycho chick thing and take off for the hills."

"I never said he asked. Wouldn't even be legal anyway. He just…he just told me he'd do is all. Then the bastard started to feel bad that he mentioned it without thinking, like there's any other way he does stuff. As if I'd want him to ask permission from my dead drunk parents or something! I never asked him for anything, ya know? After B left I just pretended I needed his help so he wouldn't get depressed. Fast forward a few years and he wants me to be the good virginal bride? Might as well ask me to somehow get my Slayer strength back again and be the blessed virgin while I'm at it!"

Faith said all of this quietly while shredding her coco stained napkin into nothing. It never had a chance. Then she looked at Kennedy like she couldn't believe she just said all that but wanted an answer. Kennedy knew that later they'd go out protecting the clueless masses, like the hipsters in this place. Faith would be ordering her to stand down to hide behind Connor or some other dude if things got too rough, and Kennedy would do it. She might bitch about it, but she would do it. But now Kennedy had to pull her weight.

"Only you could twist someone wanting to give you everything into them asking you for something. Well, maybe not only you. I do have some experience with some other powerful women who are love-learning-disabled. Trust me, Spike is not still thinking about the other girl he was in love with who's long gone. I know how someone is when they do that too."

Well, what do ya know? She wasn't expecting to say all of that either.

"Screw this relationship shit!" Faith said, "Kennedy, you know you deserve better than that. If Willow can't get over that blonde chi—"

But, unlike Faith, Kennedy didn't want an answer.

"Don't worry about me," she said to Faith, "I'm a brat; I can take it. It's you, Miss-hardened-criminal, that cracks under this relationship shit."

"I do not crack. I stayed good and hard when Spike went all Mr. Darcy on me. And trust me, Spike did too with my mad skillz," Faith grinned at her own joke.

"So, no 'Congrats on moving in with your girlfriend, Kennedy.' Or even 'Hey, sorry I made fun of you for liking 'Pride and Predjudice' but I'm gonna make reference to it now.' She told me she loved me for the first time last night. You get to hear that from the vamp 24-7 and I'm supposed to be the brat."

"I'm happy for you, okay. Even a clueless idiot like me can see how long you've wanted this with Red and you more than earned it. But, we have to get one thing straight," Faith said looking straight at Kennedy, "Just because I was bored and watched that tight-ass Brit movie with you doesn't mean that I didn't think it was gay."

"Gay, huh?" Kennedy snorted, "No, the gay version is me and Willow. I'm Mr. Darcy and Willow is Lizzie and I have to win her over."

"Cool, okay," Faith said, "Talk more about the hot girl-on-girl action because I didn't like where the talk was headed before. It sounded like you wanted me to be hugging you and squealing because you're moving in with your beloved and I do not do squealing."

Suddenly, something—someone--- was right up against Faith's back. Kennedy knew the sun just set. She immediately thought about how she could use this hot coffee as a weapon before she could find some wood.

"You have bewitched me both body and soul," the vamp said grinning into Faith's ear.

"Christ, Spike!" Kennedy said, "If I admit you have way more game than any human with a penis, knowing when were referring to you as a Jane Austin character and quoting him with perfect timing will you stop doing the pop-up vamp thing? I could accidentally kill you one day, especially after Willow makes me into a Slayer."

"I might kill him on purpose if he doesn't quit it," Faith said, "I don't do romance, especially the Victorian tight-assed kind."

"Much like how you don't do squealing?" he asked with a cocky head-tilt as he circled around Faith to face her slowly and deliberately, "Because there have been a few nights—

"Fuck off," Faith grumbled but it was more like a purr, but then she looked down, "See. To do Victorian romance you have to be classy and smart."

"You—" Spike began with his annoyed look, but Kennedy decided his game was annoying her and interrupted.

Kennedy could only take so much cockiness from a guy.

"Maybe you could be smarter, Faith with trying to die for Spike twice, but you are kind of classy. Spike is your damsel in distress," Kennedy reminded Spike.

"Haven't heard your mouth lately, has it been busy with Willow?" Spike asked Kennedy.

Faith nudged him wordlessly towards the stool next to her.

"It takes a lot more than mouth to land the woman that's the one, Spike", Kennedy said, "It takes a lot of patients and subtlety."

"You're shit out of luck then," Spike told Kennedy, "Best come back to the house. My girl won't say it, but she misses you, and all your angry-at-men-magazines are piling up."

He managed to already get a beer from the bartender when Kennedy hadn't even realized they served it.

"I don't need people to say things to know how they feel, and if you do you're the one who's shit out of luck, old-school. I'll have you know my persistentance has paid off and Willow asked me to move in with her. She's even making a spell for me so I can reach my full Potential Slayer strength."

"Well, good on you. Le's drink to our persistence," Spike said holding up his beer.

"To wearing our women down," Kennedy held up her coffee mug.

"We're built for it."

"Fuck you both," Faith said with her grin, "It always ends the same. I confide in a chick and she betrays me. The two of you, teaming up to wear me down."

"Only when it comes to love, pet," Spike said a little too earnestly now.

"Hey! No betrayal here. I'm just preparing him. In the end it will help you get what you want," Kennedy said

"A rare old-school punk play-list, an order of spicy wings, and a new flame thrower?" Faith said.

"How can I not love you?" Spike responded with that earnest thing again.

"Kennedy's right," Faith rolled her eyes, "You drop the l-world way too much. It's fuckin' annoying."

"Thought you were on my side," Spike said to Kennedy while Faith was now in his space drinking his beer and going through his pockets for cigarettes.

"Nah, I'm always on team girl. I just feel for ya," Kennedy said to Spike, "If I ever think it's hard loving an all powerful MENSA Wicca I can just look at you and see you with your Southie Slayer who loves to keep you in your place."

" Nothing is hard for me. There's no other place I'd rather be than where I'm kept now. No force could make me leave it," Spike said he pulled Faith around to face him on the stool.

"Well, I wouldn't say nothing is hard," Faith said as Spike brushed her hair back and held her between his legs facing him, "You do have that—Dawn, Harris. Hey."

Kennedy saw Faith take a big step back from Spike in one motion as she turned to face Dawn and Harris who came in. Harris looked out of place with his button down shirt and leather brief case. Dawn just looked straight at Faith, her expression unreadable to Kennedy.

"Just wanted to do a debriefing on the whole zombie-Nazi, Dawn-sucking-them-all-into-Hell-thing," Faith said her arms gesturing to make a big hole and sucking motion.

"You don't have to do that," Dawn said.

Kennedy wondered if Dawn had inherited her mellow drama trait. Faith was bending over backwards to avoid PDA with Spike, and she still was making demands. If Kennedy could be in charge of her for a second, Dawn would drop the mellow drama faster than she had all those cutsie girlie clothes over the years.

"Hey," Faith held her hands up, "I'm not even thinkin' about butting in with advice on your new cool power. I just wanted to let you know that even though it's been quiet we gotta watch out for--"

"No," Dawn said, "I mean, you don't have to be nervous to be Spike's girlfriend around me."

Wait. Was the girl earning her mature preppy yet sexy wardrobe?

"Nervous," Faith said and smiled, "I don't do nervous, kid."

"No," Spike said as he jumped off the bar stool, "but she does guilt pretty good."

"Shut-up," Faith said as she elbowed Spike behind her and looked at Dawn, "So, you're new sucking-big-bads-into-Hell-power is wicked cool! You sis would be proud."

"Yeah, turns out I'm really good at sucking," Dawn said excitedly.

"I think every girl has to get there at some point," Faith said.

"Yeah, well, I'm there. Oh, how's Connor? Wait, forget I just said that thing about being good at sucking. It was meant to be a joke, but not that kind of a—Forget I asked how Connor was after that joke."

"I'm already really trying," Harris said, "Can we please move on to where the latest death and dismemberment took place? Oew, I bet there was one right here. These hipper-than-thou coffee places are always prime for—Do they serve beer, good beer? We have to protect this place."

"It's on the list. There hasn't been any real dismemberment since the Nazi thing," Faith told them.

Kennedy heard someone's cell phone ringing, not that she hadn't been hearing that all night in this place, but the "Sex Pistol" ring-tone stood out from all the techno and "Pussy-Cat-Doll" ones. It was Spike's. He seem to stare at his phone confused for a second, and then he told Faith he'd be right back and walked outside. She kept her eye on Spike, but it didn't seem to piss her off as much as Kennedy thought it should. If she was really doing a debriefing he shouldn't leave.

"I've done some configuring and it seems like vamp attacks are at an all time low. Down to the summer after Buffy killed The Master," Dawn said to Faith.

Okay, Kennedy knew the whole sister thing was a bond and all, but The Slayer bond was something Dawn couldn't know about. But, Faith was The Slayer now and talking about Buffy wasn't going to help her lead.

"That's 'cause we have the boys, not to mention you guys," Faith said as she hopped up on a stool and smiled, but then she looked severe, "But, that doesn't mean I want to coast. We need to investigate shit more. Get contacts. I want to be on top of things so crap like the zombie Nazis will never even get the chance to happen."

"I agree," Kennedy said, "We need to get everyone here and get a team strategy for investigating."

Before Faith could speak Spike came back in looking tight-faced and serious and something Kennedy had never seen on him before—nervous. He didn't even look nervous when Faith was lying to everyone and telling him he was crazy so he wouldn't be able to die for her, so she could die for him. But, like her Willow would say "that all worked out okay." He paced in a circle and everyone in the place noticed him.

"A'right," he said and then he knelt at Faith's stool, "There's no easy way to do this. Faith, love, you're my soul mate—"

"Crap," Kennedy interrupted, "I was afraid of this. Spike, stop what you're doing. Don't you realize that Faith isn't your typical Scarlette if you propose to her and try to sweep her off her feet she'll react—"

"Don't tell him how I'm gonna react," Faith said, "You'll tip him off that I'm gonna rip his—"

"It's-it's not that—" Spike gritted his teeth and glared at Kennedy and then turned back to Faith with those puppy eyes.

"Wow, purposing!" Dawn said. Kennedy noticed she didn't exactly look like she was mourning her long lost sister.

"It's not--Dawn, I should've known—I wish I thought—" Spike shot up next to Dawn now.

"Okay, I don't like where the serious is going, even if Dawn will be legal in a few months," Harris joked.

"Spike, it's okay," Dawn said, "I'm not a kid anymore. I know you loved my sister and I—I know you love Faith and I know she---I'm not some brat who's going to fall apart if you move on with your life. I'm not going to trap you in a house."

"I do love Faith, more than—" Spike stammered at Dawn, "But, your sis--- Something awful has happened."

"Something I couldn't feel. For the first time I don't know how to tell you something," he said as he turned back to Faith.

"Spike, what happened? Did you kill again?" said in a much more mature calm voice and look now that she realized he wasn't purposing. .

"It'll be all right," she said going to Spike's side, "We'll take care of it. Do what we have to do. Make sure you get rehabbed for good this time."

"Spike wouldn't kill---Spike did you--"

"Faith you can't—"

Harris and Dawn objected as they looked shocked that Faith would cover up a mistake for someone she loved.

"Let's go talk alone," Faith said to Spike, only looking at him.

"No, I should—I have to tell them. I should've told you about it. I should have told you about it a long time ago, but I couldn't, I just couldn't and now—I promised her. We promised her, you see?" Spike pleaded and seemed to look at Faith but then at Dawn.

"What did you promise, baby? Who?" Faith asked. Wow, she was pretty good at getting to the point while be soothing. Kennedy should take a page from her. She wanted to rip Spike's head off for not spitting it out already.

"Buffy," Kennedy heard a familiar no-nonsense voice—Willow's.

"And we don't have time for this," she barked at Spike, "I told you to say 'goodbye' and that was it. I told you not to tell them, damn it! We're the only ones that can save Buffy and you're already not focused."

"Buffy!" Kennedy had some barking of her own to do, "You're 'psycho magic chick' in London is Buffy. The crazy girl attacked by a god or whatever. How could you not--"

"Kennedy, I do not have time," Willow barked louder, but then softened, "I tried to call you, but you didn't answer. What's the point of having a cell phone if it's never with you?"

"I didn't take my phone because I didn't want to interrupt you from working on my that Slayer spell for me before you went to London to help some poor girl that couldn't handle her power. Now I find out Buffy is that girl," Kennedy said hoping Willow would tell her it wasn't true.

She didn't.

"There's a note and something for you at my--Buffy's house," Willow said instead.

"Buffy's in London? There's a temporal disturbance there. She was attacked by a god?" Dawn said.

"Wait, how can B be back here?" Faith said "Did something evil take her out of that dimension because they want The First to show up again? That sucks. We should all--"

"This isn't about you! You'd like that if I had to send Buffy away again, wouldn't you?" Willow snapped at Faith.

"Hey!" Spike began but Willow cut him off.

"Buffy is not going back to that dimension. She's been back here for a while now and The First has stayed away. Buffy belongs here but the longer Spike and I wait to go to London the harder it will be to save her from Hell."

"Look--" Spike began.

"Wait, Buffy's been back here for awhile? Wait, Buffy's in Hell?" Harris asked.

"Not really, mate. She was attacked by a god-witch," Spike said.

"Buffy was attacked by a god-witch?" Harris said, "What's a god-witch?"

"A god-witch is a mythical being from another dimension with divine power among mortals. They only come down here and intervene when something huge is happening, or if their dimension is at war," Dawn said, "There have been stories of them ever since history has started. Sometimes people say they're all powerful demons in charge of Hell. Sometimes they say they are really cute with wings. The Counsel concluded they are a myth and doesn't really write about them much."

"Again people, this is all in my note, accept, wait--How did you know all that?" Willow demanded, "I don't think Giles knows that much. He just told me--"

"Giles?" Harris started, "Buffy is with Gi--"

"She knows," Spike said, "Because when she was in 8th grade she went through an angel phase, and she wanted to learn all about them."

"God-witches are angels. The Counsel calls them god-witches, because they had but god-like and mystical powers," Dawn said and she shared a wistful look with Spike.

"You wanted them to be real so bad," Spike said to Dawn, "Of course, I think I killed that wish went I showed you all about what it said in the back of the bible with them being nasty, warring, vengeful, virgin-shagging herpharodites. Looking back that really wasn't appropreiate. Sorry, bit."

"Don't be," Dawn said, "I was sad about the angels being yucky, but it was so fun watching mom's face when I told her what a herphofrodite was. You always told me the truth and got me ready for what was really going to happen. Do it now. Tell me how bad it is with Buffy."

"The bugger put a nasty spell on her making her go through agony in her head. Giles and his almost-all-powerful-witch said it's trying to really kill her so she can't come back. It's trying to destroy her soul."

"I didn't think someone's soul could be destroyed until I found out about that god-king thing I saved Fred from," Dawn said.

"God-kings, god-witches," Harris said, "Who here misses just plain gods?"

Kennedy did not miss just plain gods, wasn't the guy who helped put Spike in that coma and then tried to rape Faith in Spike's body one of those? Kennedy knew she did not miss The First Evil the last thing she knew for sure was if Buffy Summers lived here The First would soon become their neighbor and start killing all The Potentials. She didn't get how this was not going to happen again, or how the Chosen Slayer that refused to bow out gracefully had made her way back here again. Kennedy did get that people here missed Buffy, and that there was this thing between Spike and Dawn that she had totally missed before, and that Dawn Summers was pretty cool. But she didn't have time to care about that because her girlfriend who she loved more than anything lied to her, and was taking off but not before acting like Kennedy was the one that did something wrong.

"So, cool," Faith said, "We know who the big bad is and what it wants. So, let's get going."

"It has to be just Willow and I," Spike said, "We're taking a page from your book, love, and we're going into Buffy's head and getting her out of the spell. We're teleporting to London straight away. Willow says time's a factor."

"Which is why Willow wrote a note," Willow said, "And Spike was just supposed to say 'goodbye.'"

"You won't be able to teleport us for another few minutes until the planes line up," Spike said to Willow like she already knew that, and Kennedy was sure she did.

"You shouldn't be teleporting at all," Kennedy said. She felt like she'd been silent forever, "That's a really addictive spell for you, Willow. And how are you going to do all this mind-melding magic without me there to help balance you."

When Willow didn't answer Faith spoke with her smirk that came out when she thought people were expecting her to go psycho, but she never did, not with Kennedy.

"You guys can't be too balanced if you are getting ideas from me. I'll bet just like in my genius plan odds are you won't make it out," Faith said plainly but her eyes looked glassy as she took a few steps away from the group.

"You do have stupendiously bad ideas, love," Spike said as he followed behind her tentatively giving her space, "They always go strait to dying for someone who doesn't deserve it. But, if you haven't noticed I'm pretty bad at dying for those who do deserve it. And unlike you, I'm smart enough not to go into someone's head alone. I'll have a really powerful witch with me who's being very rude to you right now, so I'll have to live so I can give her what for later."

"You have to live, but because you're a Champ, not because you get off on avenging my honor that I don't deserve," Faith said turning to Spike as she crossed her arms.

"You're right, you don't deserve my white knight old hat, do you? You deserve a lot more," Spike said walking up to her slowly and caressing her face, "I'll do everything I can, use all I've got to get back here to give it to---"

"You mean--" Dawn's voice was trembling and it made Kennedy want to shut her up.

"Wait!" Kennedy yelled.

Spike had great game knowing how to walk up to Faith, saying that he would do anything to get back to her, saying that he would defend her honor. And Faith, one of the hardest nuts to crack falling half shelled in his hands. Only it was all wrong! Spike was really taking off for some other girl, and Willow, her girl, who had finally been without any shell with Kennedy was too.

"You're mean to tell me you're both going into Buffy's head!" Kennedy demanded of Willow who had been standing closest to the door the whole time.

"I may not be some wicca chick, but I know how dangerous the last spell was for you when you just put Faith in Spike's head. Why are you doing this, Willow? Why does it have to be you? Giles--"

"I'm Buffy's sister," Dawn began, "If anyone should be going into her head it's me. I'm not afraid to die, and I should for her, so she can stay here. This is all my--"

"No," Harris said lowly and firmly.

"Don't be stupid, Dawn. You have your cool new power going. My time has come and gone. Besides B would kill me if I let anything happen to you. Why don't you take me and I'll go in?" Faith said, "B and I are both Slayers and our minds—"

"No," Willow and Spike said in unison.

"Oh, I get it!" Kennedy said as her throat burned, "It has to be you two because you don't trust anyone else with your precious Buffy."

"It has to be us because Spike and I know Buffy better than anyone," Willow said plainly, too plainly now.

Kennedy wished Willow sounded angry again, or half as angry as Kennedy was.

"Yeah, because you don't tell us anything about her, like her my space page landed on this dimesnsion," Harris said to Willow and Spike, "I may not be the greatest deducer, but I'm deducing that Buffy has been living in London with Giles for a while and she had you lie to us all about it. And now…now she's in trouble so I shouldn't be focusing on that. So, I want to help, but it sounds like you two have decided I can't. And you two and Spike teaming up behind our backs, very parallel universe wrong-ish by the way"

"I couldn't agree more," Kennedy said.

"You have to understand," Willow said, "No one could know she was back for her safety and the safety of the world. If the demons knew she was back--Faith is the known Slayer in this world now and it was safer to have the world think that it was just her."

"It had nothing to do with the world. It was all about what Buffy wanted, which wasn't helping us deal with anything. Faith gave up her physical power to save Spike. Don't you think with all that has gone on with a whole demon clan trying to kill and rape her that she could have used some help?" Kennedy said to Willow.

"Listen—" Spike began looking at Kennedy now.

"Faith made her choices; Buffy never got that luxury," Willow said coolly as she looked at Faith, "Buffy always had to be The Slayer."

" Buffy didn't have choices?," Kennedy said, "All Buffy ever had were choices because of you being stupid and falling under her spell, and now you're doing it again!"

"No, K. Your girl is right. You weren't around when I--." Faith started.

"If I hear you go through you're repenting speech one more time, Faith…You're right I wasn't around when you went over to the dark side, but you know what? You came back. High school has been over for twice as long as it went on now and you aren't the bad teenage head case you were and Buffy is not the cheerleader. I hate to break it to you but, you're all actually getting kind of old. How do we know who Buffy is anymore what side she is even on now?"

"Hey!" Harris exclaimed, "We're not old. We're not even close to 30 yet. And Faith didn't go to our high school. And Buffy had to quit cheerleading; and most importantly Buffy has always—always been for the good. Except that one time she was driven crazy and thought she was living in a different reality, which I guess is kind of like now, maybe. But, she wasn't really evil then either and…"

"And you trust her no matter if she's living in reality or not," Kennedy said, "Tell me. What choices did Faith and I ever have thanks to Buffy?"

"We got to be Slayers," Faith said.

"Not like her!" Kennedy demanded, "We didn't get to chose whether we could be Slayers or not, we didn't chose to be alone and give up everything while she had the people we are supposed to be with, and we certainly didn't chose to fight a battle losing countless sisters while The First wreaked havock on the Slayer line and the world because they just wouldn't let her die, so other girls could have their choice, their chance."

"I can't listen to this," Willow said ran out of the coffee shop with almost magic speed.

Willow ran out of the coffee shop and Kennedy was quick to catch her as Kennedy was running in jeans and Willow in her emerald green skirt she wore whenever she was going somewhere she was excited about. Kennedy remembered how seriously Willow took words, and she knew she had to slow down or Willow would just keep running. When Kennedy grabbed her arm Willow turned to her.

"Willow, wait," Kennedy said softly, "You know I didn't mean I wanted Buffy dead. In a different world we'd probably be shopping buddies. I just kind over-react when I hear the woman I love is going to most likely die because—"

"Goodbye, Kennedy," Willow said flatly.

Kennedy was ready to argue back that she had a point. But before she realized what Willow said her witch held out her palm and blew something white and ethereal into Kennedy's face. Kennedy fell on cold ground that she could make out was green grass in the disappearing dusk. She felt something, something more that the hollow pain of breathlessness and anger. Kennedy knew this feeling. Kennedy knew this feeling, she knew this feeling way more than being left by the one she loved. It hummed in her head and her body only this time it was violent. She had to fight the urge of someone helping her up because she knew it wasn't Willow. She realized they had all followed them outside: Faith, Spike, Harris and Dawn.

"Better watch you power there, red. Unnessary roughness on loved ones is how you start going over the line," Faith said to Willow as she hauled Kennedy up.

"There was nothing unnescessary about that roughness," Willow said, "I just gave her the only thing she ever wanted, her choice. She has her chance now."

Willow was curt, like she was reffing some game and had come to a fair decision.

"I don't get it," Faith said, "How does smacking her around, albeit mystically, give her a chance?"

Kennedy did get it, but she hadn't wanted it. Not this way.

"I don't want this! How can you not know the only thing I want is you?" Kennedy said her voice breaking her muscles wanting to explode with her new strength she couldn't do anything with, "and I have no chance, no choice if you're going to leave me for Buffy."

"That's not what she's doing!" Spike said with breathily his voice wavering but not breaking like Kennedy's had.

"That's not—How could she say--" Spike continued to stammer, "Faith, I'm not leaving you for Buf-- Well, I am leaving but not—I'm leaving you to save---She needs-- I'd never—I love—"

Faith pulled Spike to her. Kennedy waited for the sound of Faith's fist hitting Spike's face. She waited for Faith to swear her lying, pretty-much-cheating boyfriend off. It never came because Faith kissed him, full and wet an open mouthed like you kiss a girl you always wanted to kiss and had to act fast because who knew how long her experimental phase would last.

"You always talk too much, baby," Faith said as she broke away from Spike, who then went back and kissed her again.

"Willow, say something," Kennedy demanded, "You can't leave like this."

Kennedy saw her girlfriend's face look focused and blank. Kennedy thought she saw a silver spark from the corner of her eye, but soon the sparks were abundant and were at the center of her vision where Willow stood. They started covering her.

"We have to go. Now," Willow said.

Kennedy tried to get to her but the silver sparks now funneling around Willow seemed to work like the opposite of maganants and push her back.

"Look, I know you aren't a fan of me speaking my mind on this subject, but the blood is not really pumping to my head right now. So here it goes: I'm completely and truly in love with you. I know that's hard for you to believe, but I think you were starting to believe it and I hope you never stop believing it," Spike said to Faith.

Kennedy could hear Spike talking to the other Slayer, but she couldn't see him or Faith because she wasn't looking at them. All Kennedy was focusing on was Willow with her silvery dancing lights as she faded in her brilliant green. Her eyes were shut.

"B may've believed in you first, but I l—" Faith said to Spike.

"Please, love," Spike said, "Don't tell me you love me. I'm not askin' for that—ever. I just—"

"I don't care if you don't love me anymore," Kennedy's voice broke, "I don't care if you ever loved me because I love you. I love you, Willow, and you deserve better than to be ripped away from someone who loves you more than anything to die for someone who loves you less."

Kennedy tried to get to her girlfriend but the silver sparks now funneling around Willow seemed to work like the opposite of maganants and push her back. Spike and Faith moved closer to Willow than Kennedy could get, all the while they were kissing again. Spike took off his duster and rapped it around Faith. Kennedy could see the duster's blackness reflect the silver of the sparks surrounding her girlfriend. Kennedy grunted with all her new Slayer strength to get as close to Willow as Faith and Spike were. She only ended up falling near Willow's feet and ripping off a piece of hem from Willow's skirt.

"I don't care if you don't love me anymore," Kennedy's voice broke, "I don't care if you ever loved me because I love you. I

"Let go," Willow said as she opened her eyes.

"I won't!" Kennedy said.

"Let go and wrap your arms around me," Willow commanded.

"I can't get any closer to yo--" Kennedy began.

"Now, Spike," Willow said and Kennedy turned to see where her girlfriend directing her command to see Spike let go of his embrace on Faith and step into the silver sparkles that were starting to look like angry mirrored flies that reflected nothing but their own white light.

Spike then rapped his arms around Kennedy's girlfriend who looked silvery, gorgeous and powerful with her clothes all shades of rich green flowing around her, her hair shinning a deep red. She looked as beautiful as when she made all The Potentials into Slayers, only she looked more like herself. Radiant and far away, her eyes focused on something past all of them. Spike was like a fading white-washed aging goth with his short bleached blonde spikes. He only looked back at Faith. He wasn't fit to hold Willow. No one was. Kennedy knew everyone was awed by her beauty as she began to disappear with Spike. That's when the noise started it was like a rumbling or a sucking sound, or the opposite of a sucking sound. Kennedy's brain didn't have words for what she heard—the sound of her girlfriend leaving with her best friend's boyfriend so they could most likely die for some other girl who they had lied about.

There was no sound but the wind in the park. It was cold for Southern California, even in this time of year.

"Well," Faith looked at Kennedy with her big brown eyes, but they still seemed far off, like she couldn't or wouldn't notice Kennedy's tears.

"Looks like it's a whole new line-up on the Hellmouth, but they'll just have to deal with two brunettes for now," Faith smiled.

She was actually smiling as she adjusted Spike's coat on her shoulders.

"It's a whole new kind of fucked!" Kennedy yelled at no one in particular.

She kicked a park bench completely over and it splintered in half.

"I think that's one thing you won't have to worry about, K, but if there is any never before seen adult content at least it will just be in B's head," Faith said, "Willow and B are as tight as war buddies and Spike and B—"

"Don't you dare compare them!" Kennedy demanded as she grabbed her friend by her boyfriend's duster, "Willow is nothing like—I'm not-- You gave up all your power for that bastard who just left you to die for some lying blond. Do you know what Willow just did for me? or are you two clueless being satisfied by you blood sucker's coa--"

Suddenly Kennedy was toppled with Faith over her.

"I may be a little slow in some areas, but I knew the second Willow made you a Slayer again when she blew that magic dust in your face. I could feel it. We're all connected, brat."

"So, Willow's spell gave you your strength back too. We're both Slayers."

"That we are," Faith said, "But don't get jealous. Your girlfriend didn't give me shit. I'm still as weak as a kitten."

"But how did you—"

"I may not be a quick study but, I've had plenty of lessons on Slayers angry, out of control Slayers who are broken hearted because they think their girl betrayed them."

"I'm not out—Willow didn't—"

"Willow gave you this for a reason, and it's not just you're dark sex appeal. Maybe it's because she doesn't trust me or maybe it's because she sees the obvious strength in you. But, It doesn't matter how strong you are if you are too fucked up to see what's coming at you, like my weak albeit strategically placed kicks," Faith said, "I am older than you. I learned how to fly solo with anger and power the hard way—with nothing. You, you're all about the have, you don't know anything about the have not. You need the structure you fight against. Me, I just need one thing-- for you to get in line."

"Okay," Kennedy said.

"Cool," Faith said, "Because I really didn't want to have to take down a friend who went dark over a chick. It's been done. It doesn't end good, ya know?"


	27. Chapter 27

43- Not the one you want

"Oh, you're here," Giles said as he opened the door, "What an unpleasant surprise."

The Watcher looked older, haggard and positively unhappy about a vampire he had a past with showing up in his town, but none of that mattered. Buffy was what mattered. He wished he could have done this alone, but he needed the girl that stood impatiently by his side as she held the power in her.

"I know I am not the one you want for this, but I'm not some lovesick fool .I don't think you realize the power that I have now, I can do almost anything," Angel told Giles.

"You just have to invite me in," he added quietly looking away from the Watcher.

"All powerful," Giles said with that bitter laugh, "But not unless I let you into my home, like a bad mortgage."

"Giles, I know you like Spike because you think he's harmless and you think I'm—I admit Spike is good for Faith, but you have no idea how many times I've had to save him from doing something stupid. You can't pick him to save Buffy. Not from this. Not from her own mind. I—"

"---have no idea what's going on and should fire your corporate witch spies—" Giles glared past him now at Gwen who glared back.

This was going as bad as he imagined. He shouldn't have brought up Spike or Wolfram and Hart.

"K," Gwen said as she pushed past Giles in her black cat-suit, red belt and black gloves, "I've been sensitive long enough but if I wanted to hear some guys debate about corporate ethics I could be watching the news in Tahiti, not in the city of fog and passive aggression, and then you had to personally insult me."

"You're—" Giles motioned toward Gwen and she shot a display of sparks out of her hands.

"---a freak, not a witch, and do I really look like some yuppie witch to you?"

"Most certainly," Giles said as he removed his glasses.

"Well, I'm not. I'm a self-employed thief, who is the only one with a beating heart freaky enough to jack herself up with enough stolen power to save your Slayer cherry, Buffy. Are you completely sure that's really her real nam—"

"Yes!" Angel answered that question for the last time without hitting her.

"Come in, Angel," Giles sighed, "I can't stop you. This flat doesn't belong to---"

"What is all the bloody ruckus!" a hissing whisper came followed by a very striking black woman, "They maybe inside of her now, but we still need quiet for the—for the—"

The woman stopped, as she stood stricken at the presence of Angel walking through the door and Gwen looking around the entrance.

"---orgy," Gwen joked when the woman's sentence stopped short, "Wouldn't take whoever lives here as that sort of guy. He's got class and taste. This is a real Kandinsky and, eow, interesting all the works of Goffman. The original freak anthropologist. Where is this guy?"

"He's dead," Giles said, "He was killed by a god-witch for loving Buffy and she'll be dead soon too unless the other people that love her can save her. You don't belong here."

"Buffy's here!" Angel exclaimed as he raced through the spacious apartment smelling her sent and also the other scents of…

"Spike. Willow. …Buffy," Angel whispered quietly.

They all lay unconscious on a large spacious bed as if the all decided to take a nap, except Buffy looked fevered and exhausted dressed in nothing but a robe. The other two looked blank.

"Angelus," a voice that steady, English, and full of grief whispered.

Angel turned to see a middle aged woman look almost through him. He didn't know her, but he knew she knew him and how she saw him. He could give a rat's ass about that.

"A god witch attacked her. She's dying. Whatever magic your doing with them to try to save her, do with me," Angel said to her.

"My, my," the woman gave a bitter snort, "You are a man of the new world and the old one. Coming in here and barking out orders to a useless old woman. Can I fetch you a cup of coffee with that?"

"Charlotte, Angel. Angel, Charlotte," Giles introduced them with sarcastic misery.

"You know I'm a lot older than you. You're a witch, a powerful one. You did something with Willow and Spike and they are trying to save Buffy and I can tell by how haggard Giles looks that it's not working. So, I don't have time for tea and pleasantries. I need to save Buffy. If it doesn't work I've had my friend take in as much metaphysical---"

"You can't help her. I can't help her," the woman said, "This was all Miss Rosenberg's doing. Spike and she are inside her mind, her soul, to try to restore it. It's the only chance she has, and they don't have much of a chance either."

"Spike is going to die for this girl, and Kennedy's girlfriend," Gwen stood far back in the doorway and swallowed.

"Faith can't be happy. I should text her if I can't do anything to help, by the way dying to help this girl is not on my list, Angel. She seems cute and all but this dude is right. I don't belong here."

"You're not dying. No one is---You're not leaving," Angel said, "We didn't get all that metaphysical electricity from that mystical guru for nothing. We'll see this through. We'll see what we can do."

"Um, we? We didn't steal any magic juice, I did, and I took it all in for you when you found out it could only be transferred from a human bod that is freaky enough to conduct electricity. So 'we' are leaving, because 'we' don't want to watch Spike and Kennedy's girlfriend die."

Hell, Gwen was serious. She wasn't just being difficult. She was leaving. Buffy was here and she was leaving. Buffy was dying and he knew about it this time. Angel thought he knew everything now. There was now excuse not to. Connor was right he had all the information at his fingertips with Wolfram and Hart. He had power to stop Buffy's death now. But, he had failed to realize Gwen wasn't a good choice for this. He failed to realize Spike and Willow would somehow already be here dying for Buffy. He had no idea how they managed to get here so fast.

"You're not leaving," Angel said to Gwen.

"Tell me is he always this disrespectful to women?" the witch asked Gwen.

"Only when he wants to save a girl he loves from dying, and it's pretty much across the board women, men, demi-gods."

"Gwen," Angel said grabbing her bare wrist that no human could touch for too long.

"I need your help. I'm asking you to stay; no I'm begging you. We—you might still be able to do something to save Buff- all of them--if Willow's spell fails. I promise you I won't let anything happen to you. I promise you that if you just stay here with me and try - I'll never forget it."

"See, he has his moments," Gwen said, "Okay, but I won't text Faith. This would just piss her off."

"How is Faith?" Giles said after an awkward silence.

TBC really soon!


	28. Chapter 28

Faith was doing pretty damn good with her set-up here. Sure: Her man had taken off to die for his good girl ex-lover. She had an angry lesbian Slayer who's power was going in an out, an angry Slayer's little sister, the son of a vampire, and now: a blast from the past brat-turned-college-girl crashing the party. Oh and Faith was powerless. Funny how she felt more powerful without the actual super powers.

"You!" a California blond Barbie in full ugly vamp face hissed at Faith.

"They said you looked like a working class whore, but my god, honey. You could at least shop at the girl section of Hot Topic. Dickies are for construction workers and dykes. No wonder Spike left you. We all know tha---"

Faith shot the vamp through the heart with a wooden tipped bullet. Okay, so she wasn't totally powerless, but these kids were driving her crazy. Faith saw her ex-foster sister, who she ordered to stay in the car, coming into the shop.

"Oh my god!" the girl said, "There are people here! This is great! I can do my research."

"Reese!" Connor got his wide baby blues on as he turned away from the vampire he was fighting.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to wait in the car!" he said before the vampire clocked him in the head with a silver clothing stand.

"Connor stay on the ball! Reese is safe. I have her back," Faith said.

Faith knew Kennedy should have had Connor's back, but the Slayer was taking her sweet time killing all the mall vamps. Faith shot the vampire who was on top of Connor but missed his heart. Damn. It lurched back in pain and Connor was then able to stake it. The vamp had way too much gel in his hair and a spray on tan. When did the early 90s come back?

"K, you're not out here by yourself!" Faith yelled to her.

"Don't I know it," Kennedy said as she grunted hitting a new vamp, "I have the whiney Twilight couple and their mother following me wherever I go."

Another vampire attacked Kennedy while she wrestled with the one. More girl mall vamps. Kennedy was calling Connor and Reese "The Twilight couple" and…their mother? Faith knew Kennedy wasn't talking about her.

"I know you're not talking about me and Reese," Connor said as he attacked the vamp that was attacking Kennedy.

"Because if you were, I'd let the Malibu vamps kill you."

"The hell I'm not," Kennedy said as went to stake a vamp that was about to stab Connor with a shard of glass.

"You guys know each other for less than two weeks and you are jointed at the hip. She constantly puts herself in danger so you guys can fight about it and then have loud sex. Twilight couple. All we need is some creepy vampire baby. Oh wait that's you!"

"I am not—" Connor clenched his fists and snarled.

Faith rolled her eyes and sighed. She stepped between Connor and Kennedy and shot the vampire.

"Are you two kidding me? You're arguing and we have a town full of vampires who—"

"—who know that Willow and Spike are gone, and they know I'm not the real Slayer…because I'm not. I'm not," Kennedy said her tone and mood taking a total one-eighty, "When Willow did the first sharing spell with all The Potentials it felt so real, so right, but then she had to take it away. Now she gave it to me—just to me. And somehow I'm the worst Slayer ever. Maybe I'm too old."

"If you're too old I should be in the ground rotting," Faith said.

"Don't even say that," Connor said, "And you aren't a bad Slayer, Kennedy."

"Please. I have the coolest most bad-ass Watcher ever," Kennedy said gesturing to Faith.

So, Faith was a Watcher now. Great. Why was it making her want to smile?

"I have a really good fighter by my side," Kennedy continued, "So good I can even deal with him being male and his parents being the worst vamps in history and I can't even-- "

"So, that's really true about Connor's parents," Reese said, "I thought he was lying to impress me, as if he had to. He got into four Ivy League schools, you know?"

"Thanks," Connor said earnestly, "Obviously, it's not easy for me to deal with either. I promise you all though, no matter what I am, or what I become, I will never betray you. If I thought I might I'd die first."

"No one is dying. You don't have to get dramatic, kid. Kennedy knows that she can trust you." Faith said looking at Kennedy.

"I do," Kennedy said, "I know I crossed the line with the Twilight thing."

"Don't worry about it," Reese smiled, "A lot of people would take that as a compliment. They're all idiots but still."

"You're cool, Reese. I—I think I'm jealous," Kennedy said, "I can't believe I'm admitting this. Maybe I took a bad blow to the head. But, I'm jealous of the two of you hooking up and being hot and heavy with all this danger around. It reminds me of me and Willow when we first started. She believed in me then."

"Wow. I'm really not liking this sorry sack version of you," Faith said, "I know what a bad ass Potential and Slayer you are. That had nothing to do with Willow and everything to do with you. You think you're the only one whose honey left them to go on a suicide mission to save a blonde? Where's the girl who let nothing stop her?"

"You're right!" Kennedy said, "If I can be what I was back then and Willow comes back and sees me she'll have to want me again."

Kennedy then stormed ahead back to the battle van. Faith told the innocent clueless people they could come out. The danger was gone. They were all mall girls. The kind Faith would have hated back in the day. Now, she even found herself holding one of them that had a bright blond bob. The girl was saying she had been so afraid she'd never see her parents again. Faith had nothing to say to that but she kept holding the girl as she looked at Reese. Her little ex-foster sister who used to follow Faith around twisting and chewing her long dark hair. Reese, 18 freakin' years old looked back at her intently with a small sad smile.

"Honey," Connor said to Reese, "Faith is right. When I see you I just can't concentrate. It's weird. I have nothing in my head but you."

Connor put his arms commandingly around Reese's tiny waist sliding her miniature hourglass figure up his lithe body and kissed her like he was slurping up a shake. Faith didn't like the weird ass pull on her chest she got. What the hell was it? She knew it wasn't jealousy. She knew that feeling real well, and this wasn't. it. Maybe it was just creepy to see Connor with all his moves. Faith had seen Connor hit on chicks before though. He was Mr. I'm-so-humble-that-I-saved-your-life after they rescued people from vamps. But now, he was literally forgetting all the innocent people they rescued were there.

"So, please, stay in the car, babe. Please. Please."

This is where Spike would be yelling at Faith that she was _a bloody moron that wanted to get herself killed._

Faith could see how a guy wouldn't want to yell at Reese. Faith never did. Even back when Faith was the teen bitch who lived in that foster-prison-house. Back then; Reese was a kid with the two front teeth missing with the frizz hair. Now she had dark long perfect hair, but she looked nothing like the Twilight chick. She was way too ethnic looking with her olive skin, huge eyes and full lips. Maybe she was Italian or Latina. It would be way too weird if she was half Albanian like Faith. Despite her cuteness the girl oozed sex. This was something Faith could never pull off. Faith could ooze sex, but it wasn't despite any cuteness.

Maybe Faith didn't have cuteness, but she had redemption and all. Faith told the girl she was holding she would take her home. She would take them all home. Faith was also going to convince Reese to stay in her home (well, Kennedy's) when she wasn't at NYU. Reese needed a real home. Not the one she had been living in with the murdered foster-father (that Spike had killed because of Faith) and his heartless alcoholic widow. Faith knew she'd get over her weirdness about Reese and Connor. Reese was really the perfect girl for him, sweet and smart and not freaked out by the real world for a second.

"Put me down," Reese giggled to Connor, "I have to talk to these people. Help them. Besides, you know it's better results if you interview the sample while the experience is fresh."

This is where Faith would be calling Spike an _asshole who was trying to be a hero he wasn't._ Connor didn't argue but let Reese go. These kids were doing it all wrong. Fuck. Faith missed Spike. She couldn't wait to smack him and curse at him when he told her she was becoming a mother hen taking another lost kid into the house. The fact that Spike had murdered Reese's adopted father because of Faith was something they could deal with when it came up.

"Hello, I'm Reese Devero," she said to all the scared mall girls that clustered around Faith for some reason.

"Can you all sign this so I can get your permission to ask you some questions?"

Faith stood stupefied as the girls signed. She'd never actually seen Reese do this before. She couldn't help but think Spike would have no patients for this.

"Thank you now…"

Faith tuned out. She let the mall girls cluster around Reese and moved away. She respected Reese's whole egghead thing. The girl had worked hard for it, but Faith didn't even have the attention span to listen to research stuff, so why even try? She stuck to what she was good at.

"Connor," Faith whispered, "Was there any talk among the vamps knowing anything about B?"

"She's so beautiful, isn't she? Can you believe she found you when Angel had all of your records erased? I could never hack into to Wolfram and Hart's mainframe if I wasn't already on the inside. She's brilliant. Sh—"

"Yeah, yeah. Reese is awesome, but did any of the vamps say anything about B?"

"No," Connor said, "No one knows Dad's old soul sucker is back. Why would any of them even care? She's old news."

"Do not call her either of those things to her face when you meet her," Faith said.

"If I meet her," Connor said not taking his eyes off Reese, "No one has ever come back from a god-witch attack. I mean, for Dawn's sake it would be great if her sister lived. Even if she abandoned Dawn. Maybe she felt like Dawn wasn't really her sister anyway."

Faith wanted to smack the kid, but before she could count to ten a new feeling spilled out as she looked at Reese standing out strongly from the mall girls she was talking to.

"B didn't abandon---Maybe things got too fucked up. Maybe she just fucked up, but now, now she can have a second chance," Faith whispered and felt out of breath.

"Faith," Connor said, "I wasn't talking about you and Reese. You didn't abandon her. She told me she came to you because she always knew you were somebody special. She said that after her dad was killed she realized she shouldn't put off what she always wanted to do."

Fuck! Fuck! Faith had to tell them. Tell him that Reese's father, John Devero, was the one Spike killed, because of Faith. Faith hadn't even known Reese still lived with John let alone that he adopted her. Surely, she had been the perfect daughter he wanted, one that he didn't have to fuck with—literally. When she told them they would figure out it all out. They were smart kids. Good kids. Faith would never be able to love a sweet kid like Connor when she was Reese's age. Faith would have just treated him the way she had treated Xander.

"Connor, about Reese's dad—" Faith began.

Faith would tell them, and then she would take off go somewhere far from here where they wouldn't have to look at her anymore and see horrible shit. B would come back and take her place and it would be right. How could she think she could ever do this?

"I mean c'mon? Are all of you morons?" Faith heard a young girl's smoky voice layered with a pissed off shriek.

"They weren't disgruntled ex-employees! Or they weren't just that," Reese yelled, "They were vampires! Vampires! How can you not realize that? How long have you been living here? Even if you came after the sinkhole came back up it's been long enough for you to know a vampire when you see one! Come to think of it: why would anyone move to a town that had once been a sinkhole or move back to one!"

"Reese," Faith said, "They're all wicked scared. They can't think straight. Give 'em a break."

"The sinkhole thing was a myth obviously, or no one could move back because it would be a sinkhole," the blonde Faith had comforted snapped.

"And they can't be vampires because one them just called the store to threaten me yesterday…During the day," another said.

"Okay, maybe you have a point," Faith smiled at her.

"You all are a bunch of stupid, lazy victims of learned helplessness! C'mon let's take them home; we'll have to use the child safety locks," Reese said and put her arm around Faith, "Oh and by the way, this is Faith. Faith works hard everyday to save your lives, so maybe one day you can do something with them. Take a good look and remember our superior looking faces because we're coming back tomorrow to do a little shopping to add some good colors to Faith's wardrobe and we want a discount."

Faith hadn't seen the girl angry. She felt kinda good that Reese could be a little mean.

"My baby gets upset when people don't learn," Connor said.

"Spike is just gonna love you," Faith said to Reese.

"Have you heard anything about how he's doing yet?" Connor asked lightly.

"Well, Giles hasn't called to say that he's dead. So, no news is good news," Faith said.

"I hate that expression," Reese said, "I have to know what's going on all the time, or I lose it."

"Well, don't we have to get you used to living in Sunnydale," Faith said.

"Maybe you could call Giles just to find out how things are going," Reese said.

The girl was a go-getter. Reese had never even met Giles or Spike, but she took on the situation like she had always been one of them. If Faith was really a go-getter she would call Giles. But Faith knew she wasn't meant to be a go-getter. Every time she tried someone always almost got killed.

"We don't need to call that Giles guy," Connor said, "Faith knows no matter what Spike can't die. He'll just come back."

"So, there's truly no way he can die. Explain that to me again, please," Reese asked.

"Great," Spike said, "I'm dead again."

Spike watched as Buffy cried out in horror, as she lay naked on a bed that was brass-framed and nicer than one of them had ever owned. He had just watched a naked version of himself make love to Buffy, or rather she to him. She had been on top and he had been handcuffed and she had staked him. Kinky and he'd expect nothing less from the inside the brain of Buffy Summers.

"I know you can't hear me yet, pet, but congrats on remembering how good we both looked naked. I remember it too. It wasn't all bad, you know?"

"No," Buffy said in a small voice, "It's all my fault."

"No, it wasn't," Spike said through gritted teeth, "And I've gotta tell you. I've come a long way, and I was ready to revisit the second biggest challenge of my life—your head. Only this time from the inside, and, this, this is all I get. You're guilt! You're guilt over hurting me! I mean talk about a yawn, at least give me a sense of danger. This is almost-"

Buffy sank down on her stomach sobbing her lose blond ponytail falling on her slim naked back.

"—painfully easy," he finished wondering when he'd learn not to curse himself with his mouth.

"At least cover yourself up," Spike said looking away from her while simultaneously trying to grab the sheets.

They went though his hands like air. Balls. He was afraid of this. He couldn't touch anything. Buffy wouldn't be able to see him until Spike touched her. That was how it all came about when Faith was in his head. Who knew science and nasty unearthly beings would have the same glitch when they put people in the hell in their own head?

"All right," Spike sighed, "So, here's how it goes. I have to touch you. When Faith was in my head I couldn't see her until she--"

"I'm The Chosen One. Me. We can't unmake the bed we already made."

Buffy insisted to no one as she sat up naked her perky breasts staring at him while she wasn't.

"Sure we can. In fact I don't think we ever made a bed, unmade however-" Spike said, "Never mind, don't like talking to you when you're not all there. Did that enough with the first ex. So, he goes the last time touching you when you're naked."

He averted his eyes to just her round slim shoulder that looked smooth in the soft yellow light that came from nowhere as the brass bed just floated like a lonely prop on the stage of Buffy's mind. So this was it? Really? All Spike had to do was wake her up and tell her she didn't break his heart literally or otherwise. He was expecting the darkest demons of her life. Maybe god-witches and their inter-dimension powers was all just a load of hype.

But, his hand just went through her shoulder.

"Bloody hell, woman!" Spike said, "You always have to be difficult. Where the hell is the all powerful witch that supposed to be helping me?"

"Willow, Oh Willow," Spike called in mocking sweetness and when nothing happened he turned to Buffy who was now doing the catatonic stare that he hated on her.

Spike would just talk to her anyway.

"Let me tell you, that friend of yours goes on and on about how I have to keep focus and then she's nowhere to be found. And she was a self-righteous bitch on the way over here. Very nasty to Faith and I'm not—"

_If you call my name I can see everything you see and hear everything you say. _Terrific. He could get Willow's voice in his head and the witch could get the whole show and he was right in front of Buffy who couldn't see a damn thing.

"Super," Spike said, "So now that you see what I'm dealing with you can get your astro-projection over here and help me."

_I'm busy, _she said. She picks the best time to be taciturn.

"Okay then," Spike said, "Take your time playing qudditch. Have all the time in the world, or maybe I don't. Since you were the one that constantly reminded me that if we wasted time all of us would die."

_You don't think I'm dealing with Buffy's darkness this very minute. You really thought the only dark thing she had in her soul was all about you? Wow. Self centered much? Her head is just starting with you because you're you. _

"You're calling me self centered! After I just left---"

Spike felt the air around him move as Buffy stood up with the sheet around her as she went to look out a window that suddenly appeared. It looked like hell outside, literally. There was fire and brimstone. Buffy looked a way Spike rarely saw her--- frightened.

"Right, I did know there had to be more, much more in her head than me," Spike said, "What do I do?"

_This isn't her head it's her soul!_ Willow's voice scoffed in his head.

"I really would love to have a philosophical discussion about the difference over a pint, but right now I need advice," Spike grumbled.

_You have to get to the heart of her darkness. How did you do that before? Sex? If so it's time to man up and bring that out. I have to go._

"I—you—It wasn't—I can't even touch her!" Spike stammered, "Look, I'll admit I'm good at two things talking and touching and I can't do either. You're the all powerful Wiccan goddess so—Hello? Willow."

The witch was gone.

"Balls!"

He never thought an idea or suggestion like that could come out of Willow's mouth. Well, he supposed it didn't.

"Right," Spike said, "I can do that. Bring out the darkness. Be the big bad."

He stood up and shook himself to get his Big Bad Spike personae on.

"I know where you live, Slayer," he said in his best big bad drawl.

This could work!

"You have a demon in you," he continued, "and it's big and its bad and its mean and—"

All of a sudden the sequence was starting again. Buffy was on top of Spike as he was handcuffed to the bed, both of them enjoying it as much as they used to which was a hell of a lot. Then Buffy stakes him and cries.

"Well, that's just cheating!" Spike said to the new crying Buffy.

"Just—Please don't cry. I'm not worth the salt," Spike said.

He kissed the top of her head. Wait, he kissed the top of her head? Did that just work? His arms were around her. She was in a black turtleneck and pants, looking like she wanted to cat-burgle a diamond out of a museum. He remembered that outfit.

"Buffy?" he said.

Her big round hazel eyes looked up at him. She smiled a smile Spike had never seen on her before. It looked and felt demonic.

"Well, that's new," Spike said, "You think—"

Then before he could think she was on top of him kissing him. Her little mouth was a force to be reckoned with. It drew the animal out of him and that was just…Actually, that couldn't be good.

"Wait, wait, wait," he broke his face away from hers as he lay under her.

"Tell me that you love me," she demanded.

"I do love you, but—"

"Tell me that you want me."

"Alright look," Spike said, "This is all starting to feel a bit familiar and I don't think it'll lead anywhere good. I can fix this all right now. You didn't destroy me. I'm fine, in fact, besides the ol' Hellmouth reopening and having the occasional demons in some sodding holy war after me, I've never been happier. The Slayer 'n me 've made a good life. And keep in mind I'm talking about Faith The Vampire Slayer here. So, any darkness you have in your head can't scare me. So, you can stop torturing yourself and m—"

Suddenly Spike couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't think. Something was being burned into him. It was a pain that made him remember all of his past ones, only to have them burn away to this. Something, someone, had him by the throat. He realized it was a hand, a punishing black hand. There were many hands, hands and bones and fire and Death. So, this was darkness and death, this hand that gripped Spike like a bug was. So, Spike realized this was real death and it was surprisingly more painful than having your soul burn out to save the world or a girl. There would be no deals with goddesses to come back this time. Death was a goddess and she had him in her hand and she was pissed. It hit Spike's up his soul and bones and blood that he would never see Faith again.

Then: "Buffy, drop the vampire, now," a commanding voice said.

Spike felt himself tumbling and twisting until he hit a hard surface. He looked up to see a golden glowing white mass. Only the mass was in the shape of a woman. Spike knew a woman like this. Was this the goddess that had brought him back to save Faith? No, this one turned from glowing white to black and back again. She was blinking like a Christmas light bulb.

"Willow," Spike said.

"I told you to leave me alone! Why do you keep coming back for me?" a young but familiar voice seemed to plead.

It was Buffy, looking very different then the fire death goddess of a second ago. She had very long very blonde hair and a skimpy shirt with a grouchy Care Bear on it. She was young veal, no more than 15. Spike would have once saw her as the most delicious thing to devour. Sex and insecurity in a neat little wrapping. Now he only had the desire to hold her and rock her. It was a painful nagging desire, not at all like the blood adrenaline old one, but it was just as strong.

"Buffy, everyone—" he began rising from the floor to approach her.

"Oh, no, missy! No little cheerleader years! We are going to have this out goddess to goddess," Willow's voice boomed.

She was going from the sweet redhead hippy look to a black-eyed raven-haired veiny Goth creature more like one of those flip-pictures than a Christmas bulb. She was also huge. She could have picked up Spike and crushed him like baby mouse. Spike realized he wasn't really an important person here. It wasn't a new feeling, and it was alright.

"You don't understand. You don't have an Other," Buffy's voice said.

Only it wasn't just her voice. It was her voice with a few voices or maybe many. Hard to tell as she was growing ten times his size while having a jumbled metamorphosis.

"Hello! I don't have an other? Are you seeing me right now?" Willow yelled at the now huge Buffy who had become too tall for Spike to really see.

"It's different," Buffy and the voices spoke, "Yours is inside of you. Made by choices. I didn't chose I—"

"Look, I can do the deep scary voice too here," Willow said only her voice was deep and dark and frightening, "I know you didn't chose. You're The Chosen One. I've only been hearing that for ten years. Wow, ten years, can you believe it?"

Willow's voice lost some of its affect when she talked all-cute. Buffy's voices would probably still sound scary to anyone listening, but Spike knew two of those voices. One was Buffy's. The other he'd know under a thousand demon voices.

"You can't scare me away," Willow said in her real voice.

"I can push you away!" Buffy and her voices said.

Spike saw the shifting dark-light Willow stumble. Actually he had to scramble out of the way because he didn't really feel like being crushed if she fell on him. But, she didn't fall. Still, Spike was more familiar than anyone with two of those voices trying to push him away. He'd have to get up there. Climb his way up to the women. He could do that.

"Hey!" Willow's scary voice whined from what Spike knew was Buffy's shove, "Okay, you used to push me away, but I'm not going to let you anymore. I'm going to be direct and talk about things like how I dragged you out of Heaven when---"

The dark and light Goddess that was Willow Rosenberg was gasping girlishly.

"Ack!" she said, "Tell me you on not making a spider crawl on me with the darkness of your soul, Buf—"

"Ow!" Spike grumbled as Willow tried to thump him off her leg.

"A talking spider? I can handle your soul darkness of resenting me for bringing you back from the dead, Buffy, but a talking spider is just weird," Willow said.

"Bloody—Willow, it's me," Spike said as her hand tried to smack him.

"Oh, Spike," Willow sighed in relief, "You're still here? Wait, what are you doing?"

"I'm marveling at how close you shave as a lesbian. What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying to get up there so I can talk her down!"

"Oh, well, I think this might be a private conversation," Willow told him as she lifted him up into her hand.

The short ride felt like an open breezy elevator.

"Oh, look, Buffy," she cooed, "He's so cute and tiny like an angry little punk pixy with a crew cut. I can kinda see the appeal now. I wonder why he didn't just think himself bigger?"

"He doesn't have the power. He's fragile. They all are," Buffy said.

Spike still couldn't see her. He thought he got a glimpse of her pouty lip.

"Oi! I can hear both of you. You're actually kind of loud with the big moth—" Spike was interrupted.

"They're all so fragile, Willow, accept you, and you don't understand. You just made the chain of us, but the links broke. Now there's two of us but the rings can't go around to infinity. One of them has to break," Buffy's voices said, "and I can't let it be me. I can't become--"

The last bit was in her normal voice, her normal sad broken voice Spike knew too well, but he knew another one of those voices even better.

"Faith?" Spike questioned, "Faith's voice is in there. In you. I can hear it. Is she in here? In your soul? Part of her? Can we---"

"Oh no!" Willow gasped.

Spike saw her cute tiny (but giant) face drop its mouth open. She didn't look like any dark or light goddess anymore. She looked like a scared little redhead. Her brown eyes looked up. Spike still couldn't see Buffy. He only saw a flash of lightening above.

"W—"

Before Spike could think he was laid out on his back and heavy, really heavy. Did Willow drop him? He heard a girl gasping for breath. She looked small and pale and like someone had knocked her about.

Spike rushed the witch's side by kneeling the floor. "Willow! Willow!"

He shook her head. She couldn't die. She was too important.

"Spike!" he heard an English male voice hiss as hands tried to move him away from Willow.

It was Giles. They were back in that flat that stank of expensive gourmet food and Buffy's sex and sorrow. Spike could sense other people too, but he had no time for them.

"Ow!" Willow whined, "Spike, stop!"

"I think we got knocked out of her head," Spike said.

"No kidding," she said weakly.

"We gotta go back! We were getting somewhere. That's why she knocked us out."

"There's no going back. Buffy didn't knock us out. She did. With borrowed magic," Willow spat the word's _borrowed magic_ out like they were sour milk.

"Who?" Spike demanded, "Her?"

He looked at the grieving middle age witch that was still there. Her name was Sharon or some such. She had kept Buffy alive long enough so Willow could use her power to get into Buffy's head. She just stood silently with that striking black woman Giles had brought around before. She was crying. Giles's woman loved Buffy too now. Of course, she had gotten to know her.

"No," Willow said her big eyes almost going black with anger, "Her. She's ruined everything."

Spike looked to where Willow's eyes burned and he saw her standing there. Gwen? Gwen Raiden? Electric girl? She hadn't been there when they arrived. What was she doing here? She didn't know anything about magic.

"Don't look at me, sweetie. I was only doing what I was hired to do. Hey, Spike. What's up?" she said.

"No! You did not do what you were hired to do. You were supposed to save her," a voice Spike didn't want to hear.

Bloody Angel. Spike didn't look at him. He rushed pass him and Gwen to Buffy who looked weak and small on the bed.

"She's barley breathing!" Spike said, "It's worse than when we got here."

Giles's woman cried louder. Spike wanted to blow air into Buffy's mouth or pound on her chest, but he was pretty sure she had to stop breathing all together for him to do that or it would hurt her.

"I—I told you magic was not my area, Angel," Gwen said her heart was as fast as Buffy's was slow.

Spike opened his mouth to say the first thing that rushed into it. It would be something angry and deadly. He was sure.

"You've killed her, you slut-bomb, bitch! We almost had her and you killed her!" Willow had backed up Gwen against a wall.

"Don't touch me," Gwen warned her blue eyes misting her black liner running slightly.

"Go ahead. Try to get me with your static cling and I'll kill you where you stand," Willow said.

"Willow, she didn't---" Angel began.

"Ms. Rosenberg!" the middle-aged witch boomed, "Where is your center? Where is the Wiccan I taught that knows all of life is part of the earth? This girl only did what I told her to do. Whatever was happening in Miss Summer's soul was building. The energy you and the vampire were causing in her head was becoming dangerous. Another moment and it could have destroyed us all or maybe even the world."

"But—but I was getting somewhere. We talked about things we never—things I should've—I could've saved her," Willow's voice chocked.

"Do you really think Buffy would have wanted you to risk the world's safety, or to act out in violence," Giles said.

"No," she said weakly then more strongly, "No. That's the last thing she would want."

Spike knew there was probably more to this moving conversation, but by this point it was taking all his strength to hold Angel down. He had landed them between the wall and the side of the wood framed bed Buffy was dying on.

"You—bloody—meddling—bastard. I'm really going to do it this time," Spike grunted and spat at Angel's strained face, "I'm going to rip your head off your body. You had to come here with your stupid ideas. Had to stick your big sodding face in it. You couldn't stand that you weren't apart of it, that you don't know her anymore. So, you had to kill her!"

The big git wasn't saying as Spike was trying to break his neck and rip his head off. That was because he knew Spike was right, and Spike could finally kill him. If only he'd stop trying to pry Spike's hands off of him.

"You're the idiot!" Angel growled finally hitting Spike.

He welcomed the familiar pain of it. The other pain he never wanted to get familiar with again. Spike licked the blood from his lips as his head bounced back, but he still held his straddle on Angel. He barely heard the people telling him to stop.

"I was just cleaning up your mess as usual," Angel said, "What did you say to her in there? What did you do? Whatever it was it made her destroy herself! I can't believe you are so full of yourself to think you could help her. All you ever did was make her weak."

"And you made her strong? With all your abandonment and heartbreak!"

"At least I wasn't a reckless moron who—"

"Buffy!" Willow shrieked.

The two fighting vamps had crashed into the bed breaking it. Buffy fell out on the other side. Spike knew Giles was yelling threats and obscenities at them, but he wasn't listening. Because: this was it. Spike bared his vampire teeth and lunged at Angel. Suddenly Spike felt himself fly back. Spike would think Willow had separated him and Angel with magic, but he felt and smelt too much skin frying. He saw Gwen Raiden with her bare smoking electric hands. Her cherry red smirk had returned.

"Now this is something I do know how to control," she said, "Now you boys---"

Spike sensed her moving before he saw her. Then he saw her, his beautiful Buffy, longhaired, misery eyed and semi conscious. A tiny rising broken girl goddess. She didn't look like a woman to him at that moment. Maybe it was because of the sadness of the "No!" that came from her. Buffy. Awake. Alive. They should really stop underestimating her. She grabbed Gwen's hand. Gwen's bare hand, because she thought Gwen was hurting him and Angel. There was a horrible crackle and an even more horrible thud. Buffy lay dead. Her eyes open, frozen and blank. Everyone froze and Gwen was the first to speak:

"Oops. Her heart's stopped."


	29. Chapter 29 Spark of Life

More or Less- A Spark of Life (Season 3 Opener)

Summary:  After Spike and Willow went into Buffy's soul to save her she was electrocuted by Gwen Raiden. Spike is angry. It's all due to Angels meddling. How will they live with really losing Buffy for good? **For the quickest review of Season 1-2 go to "More or Less Season summaries" in my stories**. Spike POV, Willow, Angel, Gwen, Giles/Oliva, Other…more…

Spike didn't pause. He knew Buffy was dead on the floor. He knew who had killed her. He didn't care about what else he knew. He lunged at Gwen Raiden with everything he had at the moment of the rush. Only, what Spike had in the moment wasn't all that great, apparently. He felt his head bang against the floor after a huge zap of electricity. Gwen had knocked him back. It gave him a microsecond to think about too many things. Like how Buffy touched Gwen by accident, and how it was really all Angel's fault, and how Spike really had to kill Angel now, but how could he, with Faith and Connor? And how having a soul was a bloody pain in the ass. And his head hurt so buggering much, and he needed Faith. And how, how would they all live really losing Buffy?

"Man," he heard Gwen's cavalier voice above him, "You boys are out of control for a non-freaky girl, at least. I don't know how Faith does it. She must be able to give you a real spark."

"You surging whoring bitch!" Spike spat and sat up.

Spike would kill her. He would kill Gwen Raiden in this pretentiously sheik apartment with the minimalist look with Willow, Giles, Giles's girlfriend, and the powerful middle-aged witch, and sodding Angel all watching. Spike will explain it to Faith. He'll explain:

"This is a joke to you!" Giles yelled at Gwen, "Killing the greatest strongest soul—"

Spike out yelled a the people trying to talk as he rose. He was ready.

"I'll rip that smile off your face," Spike told Gwen, "and shove it down your sparking cu—"

"Whoa! Let's not make any promises we can't keep unless your girlfriend wants to watch," Gwen said, "I won't even tell Faith what a thing you have for this skinny blonde who's life I'm gonna save."

"Save her? You killed her!" the middle-aged witch said, "What kind of a creature are—"

"I'm a freak, lady, and a thief. But, don't worry. When I steal life like this I'm a pro at giving it back."

Gwen bent down by Buffy with all smiles leaving her face. She had a look of concentration. "1-2-3!" she said as she pumped Buffy's chest. Spike saw Buffy move with electricity, but then she was still again with no life.

"All you have to do is get one spark of life in her and I can do a spell, take power from someone else and she'll be okay," Willow said.

"Take it from me," Angel said.

"Miss Rosenberg," the powerful matronly Wiccan spoke up, "You can't—"

"I can and I will!" Willow snapped.

Before Spike could speak up he heard coughing wonderful gagging coughing.

"Buffy!" Spike heard his voice and Angel's say in unison.

"Give her air!" Angel said knocking Spike away as he knelt on the floor beside her.

Then the sod grabbed Buffy and put her on the bed. Angel then grabbed Willow's hand and pulled her toward Buffy.

"Willow," Angel said, "Do the spell!"

"No!" a strong male voice took Spike's line. It was Giles.

Buffy still coughed. She sat up and covered her mouth. Her eyes were wide. She looked around. She looked afraid. She reached out quickly to grab something. Spike wanted to move as fast as he could to get whatever it was for her. She got it herself. It was Willow's hand. Spike could see her eyes then and he knew…

"Buffy!" Willow said in a sad chocked voice now.

He knew everything was going to be alright. They had saved her. The darkness of her soul hadn't gotten her. Angel's meddling hadn't bullocks her up. Buffy was alive! And it wouldn't be like last time. Spike and everyone else could help her properly this time. He had just been in the blackest depths of her soul and he saved her. Spike knew everything this time around.

"Willow!" Buffy gasped suddenly, "Reg! Where's Reg?"

Who the bloody hell was Reg?

"Oh, Buffy!" Willow said.

Willow sounded like she knew this Reg. Was it a demon?

"Reg is in trouble! Some woman…"

Buffy rose up quickly with her little white night gown on she looked all about the sheik apartment.

"Some Italian woman with dark hair took him. She--"

Buffy stopped talking or moving as came to an old bloodstain on the hardwood floor. Bugger! Reg must have been who's flat this was. The man Buffy had been with when the god-witch attacked her. Willow had told Spike about him and Spike had completely forgotten. Reg was dead and gone.

"I--I had these dreams," Buffy continued, "these terrible dreams. I'd been having them. Reg told me not to worry about them and now—Now something happened to him and they've taken him. Well, Buffy got her boyfriend in trouble it must be Tuesday. Let's go and—"

"Buffy—" Giles began.

"No!" she said looking up at them for the first time and Spike felt his heart rip in a bunch of useless pieces. Spike found it surprising that if there was a way to rescue this Reg with the pretentious flat Spike would do it.

Buffy had gotten on jeans. She had jeans and put on a blue flannel shirt that was much too big for her over the nightgown.

"No," she said again and looked past all of them.

Spike finally noticed this was a large number of people crammed into a bedroom.

"Reg is smart. The smartest man I ever---He went to the Watcher's academy. He'd be able to fight whatever got him. And strong, almost freakishly so, like. But not nearly as strong as me," she said looking up with tears in her eyes, "They never are as strong as me. Why? Why, Willow? Why?"

She sobbed and knelt on the floor. Willow ran to her embracing her. So did Giles and his girlfriend. The middle aged-witch just stood back looking pained like the rest of them---Gwen, Angel and Spike all looking at Buffy in pain.

"I just want someone to be as strong as me!" she sobbed.

TBC…Review please!


	30. Chapter 30

To whoever has hacked into this. These are texts, so there will be spelling mistakes especially with the high school drop-our.

TEXT'S to Spike Will-Bloody

FROM Faith:

**10/04**

7:12pm: yo.

10 PM: so, that was pretty intense even if your us. I know you're off probably fighting a spelling bee's head ... I meant fighting a spell in B's head. The phone changed it. Maybe we can fight a spelling bee when you get back. I know you will get back & bring B with you. I didn't get a chance to say much. You guys had a go so quickly. I guess it's for the best I'm not really that good at pep talks anyway. But I know you & willow can save her.

**10/05**

5:00am: Kennedy pointed out that you might not get text in Englund. Connor then pointed out that it wouldn't much matter if you were doing a spelling bee's head...I meant a spell in B's head, phone again. I just wanted to say I wasn't About to say the L word to you. I'd never say "lesbians" when your telling me your gonna go off on a suicide mission. It would cheapen the whole thing. Bad joke. We all know I'm cheap. Speaking of lesbians that was some pretty fucked up stuff between Kennedy & Willow. Kennedy is pretty messed up over it. And since Willow Left her with slayer power I got to work hard to keep Her in line. No big. Not like I don't know her pretty well at this point. Funny thing about sticking around one place for too long you get to know people. Hope you guys get back soon with B and we can all stick around this place together. I know B might be bummed. She thought she got rid of the town. But it's better now there's a the cool bar & every thing. Hipsters every where.

700pm: shit. That was a long text before wasn't it? Sorry. Who needs a needy girlfriend when they're on a sooaicide mission right? I realize you're probably not getting these by now. So I'll stop. Turns out guy who owns bar went to school with B & he remembers me from my crazy years & doesn't hold it against me. Told me his lifestory after high school so I told him a little of mine. He's 5x5. He needs a bar tender & someone to keep the demons out. So, I might as well. Don't worry Connor is way more his type than me. He may be old enuff for Connor 2 bad he doesn't have boobs ;)Hit me back when Ure done saving B if U can.

**10/10**

12:45 PM You'll never guess who showed up. My old foster sister, Reese. She's all woman size now. Pretty, smart,educated,everything I'm not. I guess he never messed with her like he me. Don't worry she doesn't want to kill me because you killed the guy who adopted her. She just wants to catch up. She remembers me. Tho I don't know why. Wasn't like I was all that memorable then. I just remember being afraid and pissed & probably not doing right by her. She says different.

**10/12**

Reese & Scott ganged up on me & took me shopping they said I gotta get color in my wardrobe. She made me try on this stupid dress. Can u believe it? Well I

So how's the spelling bee's head going? You know what I'm not going to correct the phone anymore let it just be a spelling bee's head. No, that's disrespectful to B. I hope she is okay. Zander and Dawn are really pissed that she came back and didn't tell them. I'm not even to talk about Kennedy . Me, I totally get it.

**10/31**

Happy holloween! Coonor & Reese hooked up! Connor & Reese. Throwing down. I thought Connor liked them old butTtT *(&_ GGGG

Spike? This is Reese. You killed my father prepare to die. JK ;).We know he wasn't my father. But, he sent me to a good school and taught me how to take care of myself and what I care about. I care about Faith. She is my sister of the system. She said you went to Oxford like 100 years ago and you never taught her how to spell? Are you also the reason the colors in her wardrobe are black and harlot? After seeing your pic I think so. And, what kind of alpha male leaves his omega to help some blond? Connor wouldn't do that and he seems be as strong as a vampire and he can walk in the sss

….Me again. Bitch grabbed my phone. Sorry she's less of a brat sober. You'll see for yourself soon. Guess I got a sis who wasn't really my sis for a while. B & I share more shit everyday. Just as long as u remember who gave it up 4 u more i don't care. I do miss your bod. Some parts more than others. Miss how u hug my curves. Want to take U & rap my legs around U twice. U may be in B's head but that doesn't change hoo's body U were in last. If U were here Id my lips & mustles would swallow U up hole. The things I'll do with u , to u, for u. I can't spell em out. Really I can't. Rese sez I spell bad & this is with a phone that fixes stuff. Never said I wasn't a drop out. Now a little drunk dropout . Hoo knew I'd be with a punk victoreean guy who B had first & could take back anytine. 333

**11/1**

Got a little crazy last night. Really wish there was an unsend button. At least we are having fun while u guys r fighting for your lives. We do fight the fight it's just been slow.

Omg! Dude, I got a new phone and we saved the world. apocalypse averted! This thing has an awesome spell check & we're not too bad either. I did it dude! Well, every1 did. Get this we even saved a dude and a chick from another dimension. Dawn did really. Jimmy and Jema from Georgia, well, another Georgia where there was an demon take over and pple were food. So, they r very kill or be killed. Good fighters. Don't talk much. Just how I like it. But, I could really use some of your super strength for other reasons. Still got mad jumping

**11/15**

2:00am

I could really use a response now dude. There's a thing. A little thing but…

Who am I kidding? You're not there. You aren't getting these.

Doesn't matter. Nothing I do matters. It was always gonna be me with my back up against the wall. Right? Why do I even bother trying? I thought I was getting smarter but it's just that my friends are getting richer. That isn't enough. If you ran off with B that's fine, okay. For reels. Who am I to say anything about it?

**11/15** 12:32 PM

Fyck sorry. I went skittle off the rails there. Saw Dawn and she told me Giles said the spell is still going and you and Willow are there fighting for B. So, I guess I was acting like a crazy jealous bitch. Surprise! I just really need a grown up to talk to. So y am I bothering u? ;) it's like I miss u or something, dead boy. No worries 5 by 5. It's all good. Was just a little stressed. The duty and all. Reese and I r gonna blow off steam after I meet with Robyn at the school. Haven't seen him since the awkwardness.

**11/16** 1:09 AM

I'm a killer and none of you are here to take me down . Y is it me alone always? Why am I asking when I know the fucking answer, Because I'm no am I texting this. You aren't there. YOU prolly died the day you went into spelling bs head and now she is dead for sure. B is dead and I know it because I got my powers back. I thought the spell made it so I could never have power again but I'm just so fucking lucky. It shoulda been me instead of u dead, baby. I shoulda been the one to save B. I was the one that knew bEEs darkness. U just loved her & made love to her. I'm the one who fucked her. I almost made her like me, a killer. Never shoulda let u go. I'd make sure she came back. It's clear she should be here & not me. She'd freakin notice if her sister was getting into vengeance. She'd never murder her sister. She'd find a way to save her boy and her sister. She;d never drive an ex to want to trap her & hurt her friends . OK, B wouldn't have an ex with a soul that she'd drive to do that. Not me. Killing and making killers is all I do. I wish æ Ø Ï

**11/18** 3:33 PM

Update lover. Kind a ripped my phone in half when I figured out B died when I got my physical powers back. Comma got me a new one. I mean Connor. This phone types when you talk. It's not perfect but is good for an ill literate slob like me.

Know its more for me than u or whoever decides to read my fucking texts and violate my privacy next. Maybe it can be an arc ride for future generations. This is when old faith really went officially Charlie Sheen. So, you're not too stupid. You prolly figured out baby sis was becoming a vengeance demon and she was gonna kill our boy Connor. She wasn't after Connor or anything. She was gonna do it just to prove he meant nothing. She messed with Robyn bad. Don't even want to go into it. Spike she had me totally snowed. I thought she loved him. I was a good little actor in my day but i could never fake love. I dont even know how to do it for real. If i really loved people y wouldnt I be able to stop all this shit from happening?

I know what you'd say to what I just said. Sad, I can hear your voice, dude. All Brit proper and Sid vicious mash-up. Like when you were in that coma. You weren't dead then so you can't be dead now. You just can't be. You do everything but the one thing you don't do is die. But back to me, Aren't I all kinds of Claire Danes tragic? But you don't know how I screwed totally screwed the pooch. How can I not a seen that the girl was in trouble? I I couldn't save heart, I mean her. This thing records stutters. I can't talk about her anymore, dude. If you were here you'd prolly be a dick and make me talk about her and say something that was fucked up and nice Something that hurt like ripping off a band ate but then at least the band aid would be off. You are sofa king…I can't talk about her any more sorry. Ha ha, the phone said sofa king when I meant- you were so fucking. I wish you were so fucking, so fucking me…here…now. …Here I am going on about my stupid problems and B is dead. It doesn't seem real. I'll keep trying my best to do right by her. When you get backI …. what….Dude, I have to go. Connor and I are really worried about Kennedy. She thinks Willow is dead since B is dead too. Since Willow breaking up with her and giving her that Slayer power spell she's kind a hard to handle. She doesn't get that no matter how bratty she is I won't give up on her because she can never be as bad as me. The battiest of M all. I meant the baddest of them all. Stupid phone. Gotta go. XO.

Yes, you have now made me the kind of chick that writes Xs and Os and hearts to her boyfriend who isn't texting her back. You've made me soft and full of girl hormones. All it took to take me down was a forced literal soul sharing, you becoming my BFF and you trying to die for me- like a chump ass bitch- rocking awesome sex, my saving you from become a vampire cyborg assassin, more earth shattering sex, you constantly saying the L word and now going off to do this soulless mission. I guess I don't go down easy, no matter what they say ;). Couldn't we have met when you were evil so you could've just killed me instead, you dick! Guess we have B to thank for this forever. Won't forget her. Miss her even though she wasn't there for me a lot. I made it impossible for her. Spike, I'm sure you did everything to save her. You prolly have a bad magic hang over now. But call me when you are better. I want to like your wounds and coil myself around you like a super bandage. XOX 333. And just so you don't think I'm losing my edge here's some tits ( v ).

There's other stuff I gouda take care of too. Can't be too bat shit when everyone else is going crazy. Don't think I don't wanna be. A hundred times a day I think of taking the bike and roaming the country kung fool style.

**11/18** 6:09 PM

Had to do some stuff. Robin's leaving town. I had to make sure he wasn't losing it along with Kennedy. Connor seems all right for someone who's girlfriend tried to kill him and turned out to be a demon that his friend killed in front of him. You know it's sad when I'm the sane one but I guess I had to man up. You see, Robin got caught up in Reese's vengeance shit. But, it wasn't his fault. You must know how this stuff works. He made a wish and she twisted it and it twisted him. He didn't hurt me, much. Not fitfully, I mean pisically, the phone isn't doing that word and I can't spell. The wish made him say things and do things that weren't him. I know I probably deserved some of it. But there are some things I know. HE broke up with ME and I'm not a cheater, just a murderer. But, most important Kennedy is not what he called her, and apparently I get wicked pissed when you call my friends things.

**11/17 3:00AM**

So, fuck balls! I just talked to Giles. Learned that B died and then got back up again like she does. And I know you guys left there with Willpw's magik 4 fucking weeks ago. Where the fuck are you guys! Kennedy still thinks your dead because Willow wouldn't mess up magik. So, I got to go take care of some more stuff. If you guys get back and I'm npt here I'll be back real soon. Girl's gotta have her secrets. ;)

**12/1 4:42 AM**

I dream of you. It's all shades of blond from bleach to dirty, words, whispers and screaming soup to nuts through Havean and Hell and back again.I thought I was doing ok. We all know Kennedy is right and that you guys would be here by now, and that there's some powerful thing that wants B dead afterall. Fuck Spike. Sometimes I really want to run away or die, but I can't I gotta be here and not because I'm The Slayer. You don't know how deep you got in me, dude. I'm about as much of a poet as I am a rocket scientist but I need people to know that know that no matter what being with you wasn't just another mistake. Angel made it so I could believe in myself. Robin made it so I could believe in guys. But you made it so I could go beyond belief. I was like, happy or something. But no, no. This is fucked up. This isn't about me. I just want you to know that you being alive and undead rocked this world. Okay, so there was like a hundred years where you made the world a scary place, but even while you were doing that because of what some bitch did to you- you didn't lose yourself and I think that's awesomw.

I know you're somewhere out there. Maybe you're in heaven with her. I hope you aren't too bored I know ou aren't there whited robe harp type. Who knows, maybe I'll get me a new stud farm. A girl has needs. But no more man as my best bud shit. I don't need that from anyone else or they won't have what I need. Connor says you be in a time warp in that spell . Maybe you'll come back and I'll be an old wrinkled bag of bones you couldn't possibly want. Nah. I'll be hot or I'll be dead. But I get that you could be with someone else or want someone else. Btw if u get hung up on someone that doesn't want u the only one more idiotic that u is her. Im not drunk so I guess i can't get all sappy. I'm not exactly in a position to promise anything here. But, Maybe you can see me now. Know I did everything I could think of to protect what I had to. (And, we know I'm not perfect) I did a little digging on you in the Wolfram & Hart files. They gotta lotta good stuff in there. Already knew all the killer stuff, but why didn't you tell me about Joe Strummer and that Italian poet chick? Guess I'll never know. Can live with that. Can live without U. But, Just know no matter what I didn't forget you, Pratt.

**12/12- 12:01 AM To: Unknown Number to Faith **

Calls dropping. Tried you 7 times. Answer! Where are u? Answer! Now! Today! Im not my most patient right now after everything I just got from u.

**12/12- 12:02 AM Faith to Unknown Number **

U got the wrong number, jack & just a tip. Maybe if u weren't so bitchy to your booty call theyd answer.

12/12 – 12**:02 AM Unknown Number to Faith I**t's me. I love you & miss u more than u know clearly. How could think I'd want to be anywhere but with U..Just answer the phone

**12/12- 12:02 AM Faith to Unknown Number: **Nice job trying 2 sweet talk but u still have the wrong #

12/12 – 12**:04 AM Unknown Number to Faith : **Crushed bloody sodding fucking phone when it dropped the call. So I write from Buffy's phone.

Faith Patricia Diemers Lehane. You are not the only one who can look up files of full names at Wolfram and Hart. It wouldn't matter if I was in Heaven with any other person in existence I would tear my way out & down to Hell to be with you. Speaking of Hell seems like you've been through it. Where are you?

**12/12- 12:05 AM Faith to Unknown Number: **If this is some evil force fucking with me, congrats. U R the evilest cruelest fucking thing I've known and that's saying a lot. Too bad 4 you I must find U and torture U and kill u. My boyfriend and Buffy Summers are dead and I don't care if your some evil tech demon that is only made out of pixels and rom or whatever. I'm make your rom a shit stain notch on my killing bed-post.

12/12 – 12**:06 AM Unknown Number to Faith: **How do U manage to get me so still and quivering? Can't wait to show you how wrong you are as usual. You're so stupid for such a bright flame. Can't wait to see you and lick your burning center. Maybe you'll set me on fire again, it's been so long.

**12/12- 12:30 AM Faith to Unknown Number**: Little busy. Big worm, and by big I mean BeetleJuice size. If this is really U could use help! If not see past message about becoming shit stain.

12/12 – 12**:06 AM Unknown Number to Faith: **Does it really look like a BeetleJuice worm or is it…Nevermind. OMW! I love you!


	31. Chapter 31

"What are you waiting for? This has gone wrong." Connor demanded, "I said run!"

She promised. Dawn Summers had promised him that if things went wrong she would run. Why was he trusting another girl with promises? He should probably stop doing that. The worm had doubled back and was going out of the woods and towards Wilkins Park at new speed. Connor could hear it tunneling and writhing just under the earth ahead of him. It wasn't a pretty sound and it infuriated him that some slimy no brained creature seemed to get ahead of him and trick him. It infuriated him as he had to stop and yell at Dawn.

"No, I can suck it into a Hell dimension. I perfected my power as The Key to open one up in a selected spot. I swear. I've been waiting to do it with something big," she said.

"Ya know," Connor grumbled, "I don't really think this power of yours to open up a Hell dimension is as controlled as you think it is. You're making my life Hell right now. Something isn't right. Get out of here, Dawn. "

"Really? Maybe if I slept with you first and then tried to kill you like that stuck up Ivy League slut from Boston that turned out to be a Vengeance Demon you'd trust my power."

She had her arms crossed over her chest as the steam of her breath came out of her mouth in the cool air. Connor could smell the cookies on her breath along with the adrenaline. He could do this as he still heard the worm movie further away and coming out of the earth. All this after the Dune junior worm had sprung smaller worms with teeth at them. They would have bit her if Connor hadn't hacked at them. When he chopped one up the mouth of one bit him and shrieked and died. There were benefits to not being human. Connor knew Dawn Summers was human whether she liked it or not.

"Is there where I'm supposed to freak out and call you a bitch and say something really mean about your dead cheerleader Slayer sister leaving you; and then I apologize and you get to risk your life on my watch?" Connor said, "Because that's not going to work."

"I swear I hate you!" she snapped.

Connor laughed. She almost stamped her foot like a little kid. He turned away from her and began running after the worm. It did seem like it was headed back towards The Sink Hole where it first came up. Wait, how had Dawn known it was headed toward the…No time. He had let the worm get too far ahead of him. He saw Faith in the distance. She had just killed the last of the vampires that seemed to be taking advantage of the chaos the worm had caused by the trash cans in the alley next to the bar. The worm was tunneling under her. She didn't know. Connor saw her take out her phone and look at it.

"Faith!" he called to her and ran as she looked like a far off figure.

"Faith, the worm doubled back and it's coming up here," by the time he said her name again he was right next to her.

He smiled. It was good to be Super Human most days. He could leave the days with the secret murderous demon girlfriends that pretended to love him. But, today wasn't one of those days. Today was just a fighting big dumb monster day. They could handle it.

"U-huh," she said.

She was looking at her phone and…

"You're shaking," he said and grabbed ahold of her arm, "What's wrong?"

"I—I think somebody is fucking with me—bad," she said, "And I can't. I just can't…"

"What is it?" he asked focused on nothing but her huge round pained eyes.

"I can't," she turned away from his gaze and held out her cell phone.

The only thing Faith ever said _I can't_ about was talking. Talking about Reese or Spike being dead. Connor went to take her phone.

Then chaos erupted. The worm burst out of the asphalt right under them. He was thrown back hard and away from her. Shit. The thing hadn't seemed that strong. He thought it would borrow out slowly. It wasn't supposed to have a brain. Of course, he was thinking of non-demonic worms or the ones on _Tremors_.

As Connor was knocked through the air with bits of concrete in the yellow light of the alley he thought how he should have known more about the worm. He was never a biology guy. Linguistics and engineering and tech were his things. That and helping Faith and Kennedy with The Mission. He promised himself he'd stick to basics after the shit storm of trying to be in a relationship caused him. It wasn't that hard really. Reese had seemed like ages ago like his life in Q'ortoth or his fake memories. He knew he had really believed he loved her.

He knew the sex had been great, but it felt like it wasn't real. It seemed Reese had been more real to Faith who killed her and knew her before she was a demon. Connor sometimes briefly wondered what kind of person he really was, and decided always came back to sticking with basics. The last thing he needed was to get crazy again. So, he would just do basic things like kill this giant worm with The Vampire Slayer and go in and have a few beers with her and maybe the gay guy that had a crush on him.

But, Connor could tell that this wasn't going to be a normal night by the sounds. He heard something, no more than one thing running faster than he could get up off the ground. One thing seemed to stop and fight something- a vampire Connor hadn't heard coming- while the other came closer. What things could do that? There was no time to find out. He had to slay the worm. He did.

"Seriously!" he spat.

Or at least he thought he did for a second. He sliced it in two and that only seemed to make it grow. One big half came towards him and it was way bigger than the original whole 7 footer. It writhed up over him like a undulating Washington Monument and the other half headed towards Faith who he couldn't see. Before he could call her name he heard her.

"Are—are you real?" her voice was trembling.

"Faith—" he began to say _Faith, don't talk to it. I'm pretty sure it has no brain. _

But, then the half he was dealing with shot out a bunch of smaller worm at him like spores. Only these spores had teeth and bit at his flesh.

"Yeah, it has no brain," he sighed, "It's coming back for seconds when my meat is deadly."

The smaller worms all screeched and died after biting him. He didn't know if he finished saying that before he heard Faith's scream.

"No! I can't!" she cried.

Connor sliced the worm in front of him and ran to her. He was not ready for what he saw.

Faith was on her knees with an unconscious body under her. She held her knife over it and brought it down on the body's chest.

"One went into his chest. I—I think its got his heart. He's not supposed to need his heart, but—but-He went down cold," Faith was slicing with the knife and it pained her like she was cutting her own chest.

But, it wasn't. It was Spike's chest. Spike was one of the things that was running in the alley and now he was down. It was Spike. Connor smelled him. He had a burnt leaves and lilac kind of smell. He _felt_ him. Yep, there was a new creepy thing. Connor's dead evil girl friend didn't feel like anything, but Spike was taking up space in his senses in a way he didn't know how to put into words. _Vampire blood ties._ There were three words he didn't know how to place. Connor wasn't a vampire. Clearly. That worm spore had bore into Spike's chest and it wanted nothing to do with Connor.

"I—I gotta cut it out, right?" Faith pleaded as she was cutting it out.

Her trembling hands pulled the worm spore out as it hissed. It was pissed to leave its new home. It didn't look like a little worm spore anymore but an angry thing with a helmet like head.

"I gotta cut it—"

It slipped through Faith's trembling fingers and Connor could see it go towards her throat where it bit her. The next thing Connor saw was Spike awake springing forward crushing the vampire worm spore in his hands.

"Are you all right, love? l-" Connor heard Spike ask Faith.

A flash of bright blue came down on Faith so fast Connor barely had time to realize her shocked face was gone from his view. The next thing he saw was Faith lying on unconscious on the ground. Connor went towards her as Spike hit whatever hit her. Then he heard a familiar scream- Dawn Summers. Seriously? Why couldn't she just listen? He knew Spike would crush whatever knocked out Faith just as much as he knew she was alive and well because he could hear her heartbeat. Still he should be doing better than this.

He found Dawn Summers trying to wipe smelly liquid off of her sheer top with her brow furrowed eight different ways.

"It smiled me and it stinks!" she squealed.

"Faith is down and you had me run over here for stinky slime!" he grumbled.

He began hacking this worm up into little bits so it couldn't grow bigger.

"No one asked you to come over here. What does that smell like? It smells like something. Like fish and something. Why would a worm smell like this? I'm burning this top! Is Faith okay?"

"She's fine," he said, "Why do you always where all that sheer flowey stuff? It gets cold out here. I think its part of the worm's pheromones as well as its defense. Worms are pretty simple."

He was squishing the worm pieces.

"You're pretty simple! I'm sorry I dress like a person who live here in Southern California. I don't have 1,000 fashionable coats like—What is that smell? It stinks like something—something I've smelt before. It's like-"

"It stinks like sex," he said looking at her.

He had his sword by his side and was staring at her clinging slimed wet top with tank top under it. She opened her mouth wide and her sea-blue eyes got big. Was she really so easy to shock.

"Connor!" she gasped.

"What?" he said shrugging, "That's what it smells like."

He realized someone, or something was behind him and he turned with his sword. He saw three huge worms that were growing from the pieces he had just squashed. They seemed angry they hissed as they grew.

"Run for real now," Connor said as he chopped one of them in half, "I mean it!"

One of the worms threw spores at him but when the worm spores touched him they shrieked and skittered away. Connor began hacking at the actual worms but if he didn't squash the pieces in time they would grow bigger. What didn't help was one of the worms did seem to have a giant mouth with something like teeth. It had grown big enough to swallow him whole or at least try.

"Awesome, night," he grumbled, "Awesome."

#

Buffy found the culprit. The guy who had summoned the worms or created them or whatever. She didn't care. She found the worm guy. He was at the edge of the park with a sword, that he thought probably made him look cool, and he was making more worm demons by cutting the original one up. He had the nerve to complain about it.

"Really? Cutting up worms to make more worms to get revenge on a girl or whatever isn't as cool as you thought it would be?" Buffy said.

"Now what?" he grumbled.

"Look, I don't really care what you're motive was. Just tell me how to you're your insects that you clearly can't control and we'll have a little talk with my fists after," she said.

"A worm isn't an insect," he said, "And I don't respond well to threats, but at least you're direct."

He had sliced up the worm and seemed to get some of the slices to die, but more worms kept rising. She was in no mood for new geeks who wanted to take over the re-risen Hellmouth. She assumed that was what he was with his non-insect knowledge. He was scrawny.

"Great," Buffy grumbled, "Another geek. Let me guess you also like to invent things like jet packs…."

She had to jump up and do a couple of flips because the main worm shot those things at her that bit Spike and Faith. She felt really bad for hitting Faith but she how was she to know that Faith was cutting those things out of Spike and not staking him? She saw the geek stare at her, seeing his face clearly for the first time.

"So, you're one of those hipster boyish sex appeal geeks," she said, "If you have to make giant worms I'm guessing you still have issues with women."

"I only make things that kill things like you and I don't have women issues; I have demon issues," he said glowering.

"I'm not a demon," she said.

He hit her in the face. Wait. He _hit _her in the face. She had felt that so much so she cried out a little. They traded blows. He was hard to hit. He wouldn't keep still. The fact that they had those worm things to deal with every now and again didn't help. He actually got in a hit that would probably leave a mark. So, Buffy made sure she gave him a better one. He stumbled back and say "Ow!"

"But, clearly you _are _a demon," she said looking at him.

"I've heard this not too long ago," he said, "How I'm the demon me and my entire sex and how vengeance was wasted upon us men…' Not a good break up. So, I don't play games anymore. I won't have time to get to know before I kill you. You won't be able to use my body, my heart, and betray me."

They circled each other but they occasionally had to stop to slice a worm. There was something about the way his mouth smiled angrily that made Buffy wiggy.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Buffy said, "You look a little young for me, and I'll be the one doing the killing."

"That's never stopped me before. Why do you smell familiar? I know that smell. What are you?" he asked.

"Grossed out and homicidal and you?"

Suddenly, he pushed her making her step to the side.

"What are you doing?" Buffy demanded

"Saving your life," he said giving her an up and down glance that he looked too young to be doing.

She then saw that those gross bitey little worm things that come out of the big worm things had landed on him, but instead of biting him they screeched and slithered off.

What the what? Who was this not-quite-a-man-looking-boy-thing? A vampire.

"So, you're her?" he smiled now, and slashed a worm, "They said you were short, but I didn't think you would be so small. And I thought you would have a better reaction time."

She knew whoever he was she was too old for him. Even if he was 120 Buffy was too old for him at 25. She was too old for anyone. She had killed her last amazing man. She had been brought back here for a reason and that was to be The Slayer and close this damned Sunnydale Hellmouth once and for all. And.. it would all start by pinning this demon guy to the nearest tree by his scrawny neck.

"Look," Buffy said, "I've had my head messed with more than you can imagine, and I'm talking this month alone. Really, some inter-dimensional ethereal angel thing tried to mystically take apart my head to destroy my soul. She killed my amazing and actually sweet boyfriend while I was making love to him and then imprisoned me in the darkness of my own mind. I only made it out because I have friends, scary powerful friends, who know my darkness. So, you aren't going to make a dent in head-messing-department and trying to kill me won't work either. Did I mention I died after that thing messed with my head? But, dying never works out for me; I'm better at the killing. "

"You think you're pretty special, huh?" he said, "They tell me you are, and you're strong and I wouldn't say ridiculously hot, but cute. I'll give you that. But, you think you're the only one that's had your head split open and your life rearranged one or twice. I wanna know why does the world stop when _you _don't know who you are?"

"I know exactly who I am!" Buffy said, "Who the fuck are you? You know what? I don't-"

Buffy was going to say: _You know what? I don't care._ And then the plan was to kill him or make him explain why he saved her life. She didn't know. She didn't remember because Buffy heard a voice. Dawn. Dawnie.

"He's Connor and he's on our side," Dawn said.

"Dawn!" Buffy gasped, "Dawn, look out! The worms!"

Buffy had forgotten about the worms the main large one was lumbering right toward her sister. Dawn turned to it and a green light seemed to come from under the worm and the ground gave way with a rumble to a green glow without time for a struggle the worm fell into the ground below and the green glow was replaced by the regular ground again. All the other worms feel over with a wet sound and remained lifeless.

"How? Wha—what happened? What did you do?" she said turning to the guy, "Did you make it go back to the core of the earth? Are you some insect summoner?"

"Worms aren't insects," he said.

"He didn't do that," Dawn said, "I did. Connor, this is my sister, Buffy. Buffy this is Connor. Connor is Angel's son."

"Dawnie—" Buffy went to approach her and she moved away.

Okay, Buffy had been expecting this but not…

"Connor is Angel's son and I don't mean a vampire. I mean, Angel had sex with Darla, and not 20 years ago, but _after_ he was with you. Connor spent time in another dimension where time moved faster and now he's 20, almost 21, like I'm almost 18. But, time just moved regularly here while you were in England and we thought you were in some other dimension—"

"Dawn, I-"

"Did Willow and Spike die for you?" Dawn demanded, "Did they die to save your soul so you could come back here and be some place you don't want to be? Some place where they wanted to be. I know what Spike tried to do to you before, and I thought I would never forgive him. But, Spike stayed here. He stayed here twice. This time Spike was with Faith. He _loved _her. She _gave up_ _everything _for him. She would have given up her life-Willow—Willow is like a mom to me. She-"

"They're alive," Buffy said tearfully, "I didn't know what they were doing. I couldn't of—I never would have let them-"

Buffy couldn't finish the rest. Dawn was so angry, so angry. Buffy didn't know she could be so angry and say things so coldly. When mom had died Dawn still had sadness in her voice when she said cruel things.

"If they're alive where are they? Why aren't they here? Don't lie to me and say they're in another dimension or I might just open the ground up and put you in a Hell one. It's what I do now," Dawn's voice began to break a bit.

"How do you? I-I'm not lying. Dawn, I love you—"

"Where are they?" she went back to being cold.

"They're here," Buffy said, "They're here."

"It's true," the guy said.

When he spoke Buffy winced. She had forgotten he was there. Who he was. Or she wanted to.

"I saw Spike, anyway," he said, "He was with Faith when she got knocked out by—It was you. You knocked Faith out!"

"You knocked Faith out!" Dawn spat, "She's—"

"I didn't know it was her!" Buffy yelled.

She couldn't take anymore.

"I saw someone cutting into Spike's chest, maybe staking him and there were these worms all around. So, I hit what was hurting Spike as hard as I could. She—she might have got knocked out anyway with that worm thing biting her. Where did those worms come from? Do we know who sent them?"

"'We'" Dawn spat, "'We' don't know anything. 'We' don't do anything. It's me who took care of those worms. And it was Faith, Kennedy, Connor, Xander, and me who have been on this Hellmouth for four months! We used to have Willow and Spike but something screwed that up. So, that brings me back to my question: Where's Willow and Spike? Where's Faith?"


	32. Chapter 32

**I'm really proud of this chapter. If you haven't been reading all along you can start with it.**

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Faith had the voices and pictures in her head of what had happened. Wes had warned her the spell may do this, but of course it was worth it. Too bad it wasn't worth everything that made her get the spell. But if she had to remember every time her eyes shut Faith could take it. It wasn't like she hadn't been through something like this before. Well, she had never been through this exactly. Love and caring made everything such a bitch.

It had started with telling Robin her secret because, let's face it he was the only real grown-up she knew. Bad idea. Right after that she became a stupid girl in a horror movie:

"_You can't want it, Faith!"_

She remembered seeing Robin in that face and thinking he was a vamp.

"_Shit, Robin! Okay, I thought you may've had a bad reaction, but I gotta say I didn't see this one coming. When did you get turned?"_

She backed up like that horror movie girl in the Sunnydale High Gym of all places. Why hadn't she thought something was wrong when he said to meet her there?

"_I haven't been turned! I'm just giving you what you want, Faith. C'mon, admit it! You wanted that little limey shit the whole time we were together because he was a vampire."_

"_Robin, I wanted to with _you_ because you were a good guy, and smarter than me and you were hot, much hotter when you were human. Then, you dumped me remember?"_

"_I'm still human. This isn't real. Do you think I'd let myself really become a vampire? I just know this face turns you on. I'm not like him, Faith. I control this. I wished for control of my darkness because I knew that's what you wanted."_

"_What? Wished for-" _

She was so far from turned on. It hurt to remember how stupid she was.

"_You were only with me because you thought I could make you good, but you don't really want to be good and neither do I. We want to be free, Faith. You know you want to be free of that half-breed kid and that dyke bitch, and the last thing you need is that poor excuse for a man and a demon inside you "_

Faith was shocked at his name calling like some Victorian woman, but in her Target T-shirt with the Buddha on it.

"_Dude, I know you're in a dark place, and you're probably ten times stronger than me right now. And you can say whatever you want about Spike, given the history, but Connor and Kennedy are my peeps and they haven't done anything to you, so —"_

That was when she started to get that he was like a vampire, not himself. That was when she started to think she was fucked. Little did she know…

"_I've been watching you, watching you with Spike, and I know the one thing he has that I didn't. The one thing you like to whisper to him so low you thought only he heard you, but I've been listening too."_

"_What? Robin, You've been listening to-"_

More clueless Horror Movie girl bullshit. She couldn't believe what he was saying even though he was spelling it out. He had watched her fuck Spike. No worse, he watched her and Spike make love. Her most vulnerable and best moments.

"_You tell him how he fucks you deep, so deep. You said no one ever fucked you as deep as him. I looked at the time you said that, when you enjoyed him the most over and over until it made me almost crack."_

Faith finally got it then.

"_I think you may want to review the 'almost cracked' part there, Robin. You dumped me and now you're quoting illegal sex tapes you made of me and my boyfriend and you've become a pseudo-vampire by choice. You said you wished for it? This isn't you!" _

"_No, Faith! I'm better than a pathetic vampire. This is me. All of my darkness. I'm as dark as you want. That's what I wished for, but I can control. I really can. I looked at what you liked most about Spike. It's not just the demon in him. It's how controls it, or he seems to. He also gives you permission to feel free. It makes sense given your abusive background that you'd want a man in control of his demon for once. Well, I can control mine better, and with me you won't just feel free, you'll be free. Now, let's blow this pop-stand, little lady! Come with me to Beverly Hills. We can live in Alistair's old house and mess with Hollywood whores and magik or we could sail around the world. Bernard has a boat."_

"_You think you just needed to get a pair of fangs and act like a total asshole and I'd leave town with you and forget about my friends, my foster sister, and my boyfriend who's out risking his life on a mission. Robin-"_

He really did, or at least this part of him.

"_Yeah, I did. But, I see it's going to take more brutal honesty. I wouldn't worry about your foster sister. And as far as Spike; Faith, Spike is weak. He left you to go save that uppity bitch Buffy. Also, Spike is dead because he went to go save that uppity little bitch Buffy."_

"_You don't know that! He's only been gone for six weeks and—"_

That wasn't the point, moron! Focus, you stupid bitch.

"_And either he's dead or he ran off with her and left you alone with no power—"_

"_I'm not alone, and I have power, Kennedy and Con-"_

"_Yeah, right. The dyke who got The Slayer power with the spell that goes in and out. She's more out, and this is an out she isn't so proud of, for once. I ran into her and she pissed me off and I was able to over-power her."_

That was the moment she thought Kennedy was dead and that Robin, this version of him, killed her. That was the moment she wanted to kill him. Luckily, her mouth still moved with dumbfounded girl speak.

"_What? Robin, if you-"_

"_Relax. I can control myself, remember? I'm not a killer. Well, not yet. I figure I have to off one person to know how it feels for you, but someone who matters. Not that little bitch. I just chained her in the basement here to teach her a lesson, and just because I can't stand her. She'll escape when her spell starts working again, or the half-breed will figure it out and she'll have to be rescued by a man, or whatever he really is. You know you have to keep that girl in her place, just like the half-breed, Faith. Wouldn't it be great if you didn't have-Ow!"_

That was when she punched the six foot tall ripped black demon guy in the face with her five foot three Irish/Albanian fist. She was tired of the names.

"_Stop calling them that! Robin, what did you do to yourself? You are supposed to be a good guy!"_

"_But, I'm not, Faith, because it's not what you want. I was waiting for you to hit me. You never hit the old me. See, now we're rolling. Isn't this more fun with me? Aren't I better at it?"_

"_Robin, this isn't you. Who did this to you?"_

Her idiot brain was starting to get it and that was when little sister showed up. She looked adorable in her Urban Outfitter hippy dress and boots. Connor even looked adorable in his Weezer T-shirt in jeans. What looked less adorable and mystical was the chain she had around Connor's neck with a leash. Literally. And Faith didn't get it right away.

"_Reese! Connor! Thank god! Connor, don't hurt Robin. He's not himself, and he's not a vampire. Something's happened."_

Faith saw the chain thing and was still worried about Robin, or Connor kicking Robin's ass.

"_I know, Faith I—I'm sorry I-" _

He stopped talking because Reese pulled the chain and she still didn't get it. Reese was her little foster sister after all. The only other person she told her secret to. So Stupid:

"_Connor, what's wrong? Reese, why do you have Connor on a chain? I'm all for kinky sex but this is not the time or the pl—"_

"_Most men belong on chains, Faith. I know you realized that with Daddy. That's why you had Spike kill him."_

"_Reese, what are you talking about? I didn't have Spike kill—he wasn't our father. He was an asshole who hurt me, and that's why Spike killed him. It was wrong and Spike paid for what he did."_

"_Yeah, Robin told me all about that. How he had Spike captured after he killed dad, and put nano-tech in his brain, but he trusted the wrong people and they used it to hurt you. Men can't be trusted with anything."_

"_Yeah, well, I was still trying to be a just man. Now thanks to you, Reese, I'm more in touch with myself. What happened? The freak was getting suspicious, or did he just admit he really wants to fuck your sister. Not a good move telling a vengeance demon that, son." _

Robin talked right to Reese. He said she was a vengeance demon, Connor was on a chain, and Faith was still an idiot.

"_No, I was just getting sick of him. Young love fades."_

"_You know each other? What's going on? There's something fucking with you too. Reese, this isn't you. You love Connor."_

Yes, Faith was a fucking idiot. If she had been smarter she would have stopped it all.

"_I love you, Faith. But, you really should have stayed at Daddy's house and gone to college. You'd 've had to pay your dues but you'd be a lot smarter. I never loved Connor. I just had to get to know him." _

"_What? No! John hurt you too. Reese, I'm sorry. I—I didn't know I—"_

Not the point, stupid bitch. But, how could you not know?

"_Of course he did, Faith. You thought you were special, and why are you sorry? What would you do if you knew about it as a powerless Southie 16 year old? There was nothing you could have done, until you got some power, but you didn't do anything about it then either."_

"_Reese, if you're pissed at me, if all of this was for some kind of revenge, I get it. Just leave Connor out of it."_

If only it had been all that simple.

"_What? No? Faith, didn't you hear me? I love you. You're my sister. The closest thing I'll ever have to it."_

It had all been true. Faith had a sister who loved her.

"_She is not that smart when it comes to love. I was always trying to teach her, and now because of you I can do it right."_

Robin was right about one thing…

"_Robin, what are you—"_

Faith was stupid. Connor had to get away from the choke chain and spoon feed her what was going on.

"_Reese is a vengeance demon, Faith! She granted Robin's wish that he could get in touch with his demon for you. He thinks that will make you love him like Spike. I didn't know. I started-"_

Reese pulled at Connor's chain and Connor choked. Why hadn't Faith been focusing on getting Connor off of that thing all along?

"_Shut-up Connor! Bad dog!"_

She recognized the cruelness in Reese's eyes.

"_Yes, you obnoxious little hipster. Shut it."_

That was Robin. Faith didn't recognize the cruelness in Robin's eyes. She still had no idea why Robin never liked him. Connor should be a kid in Robin's eyes.

"_Don't you touch him!"_

But, since Faith was getting a clue at that moment she didn't think about it. She realized she had to protect Connor. She realized she had a whole lot she should be protecting.

"_C'mon, Faith. This doggie can take a lot more abuse and he stays loyal. You know that."_

Reese and Robin were down on Connor and all Connor ever did was love Reese.

"_I don't get why you're so protective of him, Faith. I never did."_

"_Maybe that's one of the reasons you and I never would have worked. I don't want to be with you Robin. Especially not if you're dark. I used to think you were too good for me and maybe you still are, but—"_

Why had she said all that? Of course, it set him off. He stormed over to her in his pink-berry principal button down shirt with rolled up sleeves and bulging muscles that in any other circumstances would have been hot. He had that demon face, which was not.

"_Oh, I get it. You like whiter meat better. Is that what it really is?" _

That was when she realized how fucking insane he really was. She was so drop-out dumb it hadn't hit her until then. She thought he was just acting like a mean drunk until that moment. He put his hands on her for the first time. He only grabbed her arms.

"_Get your hands off my sister! Shame on you, Robin. You grew up in Beverly Hills. You have your doctorate in education."_

Reese had done something to Robin. Whatever it was she zapped him and he flew back on the gym floor unconscious. Faith ran to him fearing the worst.

"_Robin—"_

"_Don't worry. I put it on stun. He'll be fine. It's a little power I burrowed from a succubus friend. It makes me a little weaker but-Men, huh? I guess they're all the same underneath."_

Reese. Faith finally got her ADD ass together and realized this was all going down because of Reese. Reese needed help and only Faith could help her.

"_Sure, everyone is if you make them that way. Change him back, Reese and let Connor off the chain. You're a vengeance demon, huh? I know a little something about that. You have a choice, right? Unlike Robin and what you did to him."_

"_What? Robin asked for it, literally, and so did Connor, practically. He was going to dump me for being a vengeance demon after all the acceptance I gave him. Why are you sticking up for them, Faith? Do you think they really love you? I granted Robin his wish so you could have a little fun with him, and I needed the practice. D'Hoffrin says I have to do at least five a year to be the best. But, I saw how you much you were missing your other monster who you got to kill Dadd- John. Thanks for doing that, by the way. Better late then nev—" _

Faith got another clue and realized Reese had let Connor's chain go and Connor was trying to inch up on Reese and tackle her. Faith didn't think that was the best idea. She stopped Connor by giving him a quick look. She had thought talking this out would be better.

"_Reese, for the last time I didn't get Spike to kill John, even if it was partially my fault. Killing doesn't lead anywhere good, believe me I-"_

"_What do you mean? When John was killed I was finally free! When I looked into his death I found this world and you again. I finally have some power."_

Reese grabbed Connor's chain again.

"_Okay, it mostly leads to bad. Look at what you're doing to Connor, to Robin, to me."_

Faith took Connor's chain from Reese and took out a pin she had in her denim short's pocket. It didn't have a lot of magik in it but, she thought it may work.

"_I'm sorry, Faith. My power is limited to what these stupid guys wish. I tried to get Robin to wish for your power back after you gave it up for your stupid boyfriend who left you, but—"_

"_Reese, I don't care about not having Slayer strength. I gave it up to save Spike's life and I'd do it again, and it wasn't because he was my boyfriend, or my best friend, it was because—" _

"_Please, don't say you're best friend is your crappy boyfriend who left to save a blond in distress. Don't be that girl. You're better than that, Faith."_

"_No, I'm not, and I don't want to be Reese. I want to care about people who care about me, but not just me. It really helps if they don't betray my friends most of the time or call them slurs, or put them on mystical choke chains ever, and like me for who I am. Luckily, I'm also not too good for forgiveness. Right, Connor?"_

She had been working on the lock on Connor's collar the whole time, like Spike had taught her. She had gotten Connor free and he could breathe and talk again! Two things her boy needed to do.

"_She's forgiven me a lot. Some of it she doesn't even remember."_

Connor was good at keeping it short, sweet and intriguing. Faith had been all kinds of proud of herself when she got the collar off of Connor. She thought about how they would all laugh about it, the time she got an S&M collar off of Connor with her lock-pic training. She thought about telling Spike and B and making all kinds of jokes that made everyone blush. Accept her, Spike and Kennedy. That was the first time she realized they'd have to go down and untie Kennedy. Faith was all kinds of that stupid girl, thinking it was all so simple.

"_Faith—"_

That was Robin. He was awake and off the gym floor. Faith was so proud of herself again because she had talked with her eyes. She looked at both Connor and Robin and told them to stay put and not start hitting each other, and it had worked!

"_I'll give Harris a call and see how all this works, but I think you can stop being a vengeance demon and take back what you've done to Robin. I think you even get to keep—"_

"_You—you want me to give up my power? You're going to call that stupid guy who hangs out with that high school loser, Dawn, and is probably fucking her to guide me?"_

"_Ugh! Reese, they aren't—Harris is a good guy. They aren't—How could you think-Well, I guess I get how you could think…"_

That was Connor. He wasn't stupid, unlike Faith who was supposed to be older and smarter. Faith thought she was older and smarter

"_Reese, the world isn't what you think. It's not all kill or be killed."_

"_You want me to give up my power and be weak, like you."_

Here is when Faith should have stepped in.

"_She's not weak. Reese, I don't know if you ever cared about me, but I know you care about Faith and she can help you. She's helped me. You do have a choice as a vengeance demon. You can stop. You can even take back what you've done. You're lucky."_

Or here:

"_I'm lucky! The pretty skinny boy with the fat penis, and the rich and powerful father, who loved him so much he erased his bad choices, along with his bad childhood, and gave him good ones, with dream parents and sisters, and the ability to speak three languages, and a scholarship to Brown. I had to sit and listen to you whine about how they don't know you. How your mother died for you. I was born to some whore who used me to get drugs. I was passed around from place to place. And then, lucky me, When I was 6 I landed in a home where I was told who to be during the day, little miss perfect, and what to do at night. That's what I had to do to get to college. You think you grew up in Hell, and I'm lucky?"_

Faith shouldn't have spoken like she did. Like she had done. Faith should have done it different. How could she fuck this up?:

"_Reese, I'm really sorry, but it's over now, and we can make it right. Get through it together. The last thing you want to do is take your anger out on the wrong people—"_

"_I—I can't believe you want me to give up my power for these men. These stupid men! When you know what they're like, what they've done! I can't believe you care about them more than me! You care so much about him, and he's –he's nothing. I had him wrapped around my finger in two weeks. He was going to leave me when he found out who I really was."_

Faith never should have let Connor keep talking:

"_All I said was we had to talk when I heard you were going to turn that other guy into a computer virus, but since you wrapped me on a mystical choke chain I'm not so wrapped arou-"_

"_You act so nice, but it's all your fault. Faith wants to take care of you with all your power, and she thinks I should have none! Vengeance is wasted on you. Everything is wasted on you. You and you're entire sex. You've made her weak, tore us apart."_

Reese started attacking Connor with that borrowed power she got from a succubus. Faith had actually been listening and got that. Faith had no idea how dangerous this power was. All she knew was it looked like when that old Star Wars Emperor guy was zapping the life out of Darth Vador when he became good.

"_Reese, stop!"_

Was all Faith could think of saying.

"_What if I don't? What can you do about it? Nothing, because you're weak! What if I kill him? Would I still be your sister? Would you still care about me if I wasn't your bitch like these boys?"_

Reese had stopped zapping Connor for a moment, and Faith saw that look in her eye. Faith knew that look. Reese was gonna take it to the limit to see what Faith would do. This is when Faith went back to the only thing she ever really knew….

"_Oh god! You really are my little sister, and sisters, they fight."_

….fighting. She knew she was being stupid. She knew Reese had demon strength and she had nothing, but she ran at her anyway and tackled her long enough for Connor to get away. She hit Reese in the face and she remembered the betrayed look in her big round hazel eyes. Faith remembered feeling a serge of power after she hit Reese and not even thinking about what it meant. She remembered Reese getting that dead look in her eyes right after the hurt she showed and pounding Faith across the room. Faith remembered skidding on the damned gym floor.

Then, she remembered Reese grinning a huge grin, and going after Connor again. Faith didn't remember if anyone said anything else or fought Reese. She just remembered seeing Reese power up hard and Faith remembered jumping in front of the black shadows that were shooting out of Reese's hands.

"_Faith, I'm really mad at you, but I don't want to hurt you, especially after what you told me. Lucky for you this only works on men. Get out of my way."_

That was the last thing Reese said.

"_No, and not to sound all parental, but, one day you'll thank me."_

That was the last thing Faith said to Reese that the young girl would hear. Faith still doesn't remember what she did. She just remembered she felt like a Slayer again. The Slayer maybe and she felt good. Lately, Faith had been winning out over the visions and she didn't have to live out the rest of it. She didn't see Reese dead on the gym floor. She didn't see Reese's young face, her dark tangled hair and long nose, and think about how they could have been real sisters. She didn't have to hear how Robin was sorry or Connor convincing her she had no choice. She didn't think or talk about the end of it. Just like she didn't think or talk about Spike, B and Willow being dead. Faith didn't cry.

Faith did what had to be done. When you had something to hide you went to the real power:

"_I know why you're here." _

"_Shit, Wes. Gotta say I'm impressed, and not just with your steely glare. I guess Big Brother knows all and I'm glad he's on the right side for a change."_

"_I can't give you what you want, Faith."_

"_I get it. Can't be Mr. Nice Guy when you're VP of Wolfram and Hart. I just thought I'd try. You being the real power underneath it all."_

"_It's not about power, Faith. It's about risk. I'm not going to risk the balance of this universe."_

"_C'mon, Wes. I've met strippers dating drummers more balanced than this universe. It seems to want me to be The Slayer for one thing. How-"_

"_You have no idea how bad it could be, Faith. Spike has a soul somewhere. You didn't have to watch him be destroyed. You got to be loved, you got to love. You had time. It's not as if you just have to swing between utter isolation and occasional comradery while you- I won't help you bring him back."_

"_You think I'm here to ask you to bring Spike back?"_

"_Aren't you?"_

"_No, that shit doesn't seem to end well. Who knows maybe he's even in some better place with B and who am I to…I'm here 'cause I'm scared shitless and have way more going on than people even realize. Sounds like you know a little something about that. Is Fred okay?"_

"_She's fine here and she always will be."_

"_Okay, I'm asking you to share. I know we aren't sharers unless we have to be; and I have to be. So, I'll get to the point…."  
_

Faith groaned. She didn't want to remember the spell. The pain of it. Seeing all that parallel what could have been, what should have been, what could never be shit. It wasn't like they were visions that were happening in this world where she could save someone. Not to mention made her fucking head split. Not literally, but Wes said it would take it's toll.

There was always a price. Fred was so sweet it was painful. She had dug with the power of Wolfram & Hart behind her and found a necklace for Faith. It was a silver chain with a large amber heart stone heart. Supposedly, it belonged to Faith's great great grandmother and it was given to her by her great-great grandfather before he died in some Albanian war. They couldn't be sure but a family love object was supposed to help Faith with the pain of her secret. Whatever. Of course she wore it, but she could deal with the physical. There was that one rule of the spell too. She really wasn't into being told what she could or couldn't say but…what are you gonna do? Groan, Faith guessed.

"Shhh, Sweet Slayer."

Usually when someone said something like that it wasn't good. The "sweet" thing was ironic and she was going to get tortured. But, not with this voice.

"You're gonna be okay, baby," her dead boyfriend said.

"Okay, maybe these visions of parallel shit have an upside," she said.

The visions didn't usually feel so real. His hand was on her face. He was crouched by the bed she was in. All back-lit in a soft pink bedroom light in a cozy suburban room that looked kinda familiar. Spike had his growing out crew cut that he bleached. It finally got long enough to curl at the ends, or it his poor head had never been shaved in this vision. He was wearing the baby blue sweatshirt he liked to wear to watch Late Night with. The tip of his perfect long English nose dipping as he smiled sadly like he drank all the milk when he didn't even need to drink it because he was a vampire. He was supposed to live forever.

Of course, she did what any chick who saw a vision of her dead boyfriend of four months would do. She dove at his face and attempted to swallow it with her lips. She didn't even think about the rest of it at all. Her body just fell into place with his body like it always did. She felt his lips on hers all soft and wet and yielding. She felt his arms around her squeezing. Oh Christ! She was feeling things she knew she'd never feel again. She was dizzy with feeling. His body was like a live wire power wand that laid her down. No, she wanted to be up and kissing him and she would fight to the death for it!

"It's okay, love," he said and he was giving her those gentle kissed all over her face and her eyelids. Before him she never thought of her eyelids. And- damn

Her neck. Her neck. Fuck yes! She had resolved that she'd never feel this again and she'd be okay with it. She swore she was so okay with it that she spent nights remembering just how it felt.

How his lips sucked in her skin just a little and then a lot. Only now he was just doing it a little like when he just wanted her to just be aware that he could just have a little of her and wait to have a lot more. He just wanted to make her feel a little good because he'd always have time to make her feel a lot good.

It has always been her job to make everyone else feel good. To prove that she could. That she had the power. But when he did this it wasn't about power. Even when he pretended it was about power it was never about power with him. It was about—his mouth on his neck and his hand between her legs.

Actually, that was her. She had clamped her legs around his hand and pushed her throbbing clothed pussy into it and. Oh fuck yes! His gentle kisses shot all through her and she felt them.

"Oh, love. No, you aren't in any condi—" his voice purred into her and in made her release all her build-up with a groan and a full body tremble.

God! Yes! Now she would prove herself. Prove herself forever to his cock to his body. She would do things to him with her muscles most men couldn't even dream of.

"Oh God, Slayer! What you do to me! Every time. You surprise me. You floor me. You, no, no, no, no. I have to be a man with a saved soul here, Faith."

Faith hadn't even started doing anything to him. All she did was come and he acted like she created a miracle. He was an easy vision. His voice was doing things, like it used to. Like it always did. Going from lusty to worried, from Sid Vicious to Watcher in 3 seconds. Yeah. He could just keep doing all his old stuff while she pulled him closer again. She opened his pants and kissed him. She yelped when he broke away.

"Faith, stop, please," he said and pushed her back on the bed, "You sure have that Slayer strength back and I wish we could test it out but-"

"Is this a vision where you don't want to be with me? I haven't had one of those yet. I have ones where you kill me, or I kill you; we kill each other. Those are fun. Actually, I think I like them better than you holding me off after I get all hot in my pants. Come to think of it I haven't had a vision I could act in. I guess that not the definition of a vision. So, this is a dream. You're rejecting me in my dreams. Dude, c'mon."

"Slayer, you are so brain damaged, though I hope you're not really-God, I've missed you! This isn't a dream, love, or a vision."

Suddenly, her head felt really heavy, like a football team fell on it. She felt dizzy. The room dipped.

"Spike? No! You're dead. You died. I've accepted it. This is just something fucking with me. What are you really? What do you want? Whatever it is you can't fucking have it! Don't do this to me. Whatever you are, you'll be sorry."

She felt angry hot tears on her face.

"Faith, don't. You're gonna make me…" he was gonna cry until she sucked it up and he did too.

"Okay, it is you. Someone pretending to be you would never think you were such a pussy," she said and smiled so big her face hurt, "So, you rose from the dead again? Shit, dude, we have to start getting you a religion."

He laughed. Such a sweet sound.

"I never died," he said, "Willow just bolloxed up the teleportation spell and we didn't get back 'till now."

"But, I know B died. I became the Slayer again. I didn't think it was possible but—"

"I know. I know how much you've been through. Your sister, Wood, but hey you seemed to have saved the world and made friends. You texted me all of it remember?"

"You—you got those. I thought—You weren't supposed to be getting those."

Holy shit! She didn't even remember what she said in those texts, but she was sure she had said something stupid. She couldn't even spell.

"They were beautiful. Don't you remember; I texted you back, and then you saw me, and then those sodding worms got us?"

"I only saw you for a second. I didn't think you were real, and then you went down 'cause of that worm thing. I—I had to cut it out of you. I—I did it and then…"

She felt like she was going to puke.

"Yeah, you saved me, again. It's getting a bit emasculating," he said with a grin, "I thought the worm couldn't hurt me much, guess I was wrong. It bit you. The venom in that one seemed particularly strong. You're gonna be sick for a while from it. I just brought you here because it was closest."

"Venom got inside my body!" She bolted up in the bed.

She felt like she was going to puke more.

"Yeah, but you'll be okay. You're at full Slayer strength now, thanks to Buffy."

"It—it will be okay," she said and gripped her amber heart necklace.

"Oh god, B!" she gasped, accept it would never really be okay.

"Yeah, about that—" Spike began.

"Connor! He was fighting the worms too. Dawn was there. She wouldn't leave. She's so stubborn. Kennedy was in the-" she bolted up again.

He pushed her back and his hand lingered on the amber heart necklace for a second.

"They're all fine, love. You're right about Dawn though. Now she's worse than ever."

"Because of B. It must have been so bad. I'd give back the Slayer strength again if it'd save her."

That puke feeling was back, or maybe it never left.

"I'm sure you would, but—"

But, Faith would be okay. Spike was back safe and she would take care of him.

"But, I can't So, no wonder you don't wanna do me. Having to talk about all this death and sickness kills the mood for you, huh? I bet sometimes you wish you were still evil," she said and smiled and rubbed the top of his head.

"Not if it meant I couldn't have you. My mood isn't killed with Buffy's death. It's just bad timing. That and the fact that when she died this-"

"Speaking of bad timing," she said.

Okay, now she had to puke. She had to run away from him to not puke on him. Where was she going?

"The lu to the right and down the hall," Spike said.

Luckily, Faith had a boyfriend that knew what was up when she didn't, and there was plenty of vice with that versa. That was why it worked and they could get through anything. Four months thinking he was dead was nothing. Dead loved-ones nothing… In fact, there was a dead loved one right in front of Faith blocking her path to the bathroom in this place. This place she knew. It was B's house. And it was B, looking very lively for a dead Slayer. She was blonde as ever not quite platinum, but a perfect shade of ash. Her hair had gotten long, but not as long as Faith's. Faith was going to puke now.

"Hi, you're awake," Buffy was in her way, "I'm really sorry I hit you. All I saw was you cutting Spike open. I really didn't know it was you. The whole worm thing was—"

Faith wretched a half an inch from Buffy's suede tan boots as Faith's long wild hair fell in her face. Perfect.

"-so gross. That didn't just happen because I hit her, right? It's part of the worm thing, right?" B asked Spike.

The risen 3 times Slayer was talking to Spike like a guilty little girl.

"You have the worst timing, Slayer. I wanted to talk to Faith alone," Spike said to B.

"So, timing, yeah. Don't worry about it, dude," Faith turned to him after she got up from the puke.

She made sure she smiled. She hoped it didn't look too mean. Faith was gonna be the best big girl she could be about this. Spike and Faith had a good run, but now B was back and he clearly made his choice. He had disappeared with B in magik land for four fucking months. Now they could all be friends. Yeah right.

"Hi B, thought you were dead. No worries. I'll be right back to clean up that mess."

"I'll clean it," Spike said, ever Mr. Nice Guy.

"Hell no! I clean up my own messes now, thanks. I don't need any more time with you to explain where you've been all this time and who with. It's five by five. Maybe it woulda been better if we hooked up when you had no soul. I've had it with touchy feely guys asking me about my day before they can dump me all nice. They tend to have inner demons," she said and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Hell, Faith!" he grumbled.

Faith knew she was ruining the adult mature vibe he was trying to create while he was dumping her for B.

"No worries," she said with a sharp grin, "You didn't do anything wrong- nothing, and that's just what I want from you, nothing... We're cool. I'll make my smooth exit and get out of your guys's way right after I'm done cleaning the puke, and puking more."

Now that's dignity, Lehane! Dignity is on your knees puking in a toilet in your fellow Slayer's house who had your man first and now gets him back again. She heard sweet innocent B talking to Spike:

"I'm—I'm confused. She didn't—Did she just break up with you and say that it would have been better if you dated when you didn't have a soul? Please tell me I heard that wrong. Is this part of the worm thing side affect thing? Is she evil again? It isn't because I hit her. Is it?"

Faith wished she were evil again! She could punch people and leave town. She was still gonna do the leaving town thing but now it would be way more complicated than punching her way out. She heard Spike:

"Excuse me for a moment."

Spike talked to Buffy like some fanged version of Hugh Grant. If she wasn't already puking…

Then Faith heard him come into the bathroom with the echoes of her retching on the tile.

"Leave, I don't need the caring ex-routine. I just had that and it didn't end well."

Faith knew how to not mince her words in between retching.

"Who's a caring ex? Well, I guess Buffy. This is actually great timing. You can't run off all cagey thinking you know everything in that pig-head of yours."

Faith picked her head up out of the toilet and made herself stand-up and not shake.

"Spike, I'm begging you get the fuck out. You stand there thinking you're doing right by me making me open up to you—You made me think I was still you're-I'm not gonna say a word to B about our grope session, okay? This is the most humiliating day of my life and that's saying a hell of a lot. Just—just be with your girlfriend, okay. I'm fine. Five by five. The worst thing you could do is be all nice, feel sorry for poor little Faith. Ask your girlfriend how well that goes with me. The last thing a need is a nice guy."

"Good," he said with a sneering grin, "'Cause I'm not nice."

He grabbed her by the back of the neck. Shit! Maybe she didn't want him to be nice but that didn't mean…His lips were at hers. His tongue forced her mouth open. His mouth cupped hers and opened it wide while his tongue worked. His hands kneaded her ass up so hard her feet almost left the ground. He tasted like a salty sweet rush Holy shit!

"And I am with my girlfriend. If you don't stop under estimating how deep I go for you you'll force me to prove it until you can't take it. How's that? That what you need?"

Now she couldn't stop herself shaking. She felt really weak and shitty and awesome. She wanted to scream with happiness, but she might just faint with speechlessness like some dainty chick from Spike's first era.

"Hmm? Was that nice? Too nice? You want it nastier?"

Shit. Was he asking her something? A bunch of questions. Too many. Could he repeat the first question? She wished she had an answer sheet. His hands left her ass and he put his arms around her and held her trembling body. She breathed in hard and smelled his smell- cigs and blood and something like fall in Boston. It mixed with the puke and flowery clean smell of B's bathroom.

"Or do you need this? It's okay to need this. I need this. Bad. I need it to make me stronger so I can be big and bad again. You don't want to know how far I'd go for it," he said as he held her tight.

"I—I need you to know that was wicked gross," she said, "I just puked up my guts, you know? You shouldn't kiss—kiss me now. It's wrong. In B's house."

She didn't look at him. She just pressed into his blue T-shirt, his body as her eyes got to see the top of B's toilet with a picture of a little girl in an old fashioned bathtub over it. She shut her eyes.

"Love is a dirty mess, and we need it," he said with a laugh.

"I need you to take me home," she said.


End file.
